TED演讲：那些让你深夜痛哭的遗憾，终将成为你最深沉的力量！
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | So there's this very famous song, I'm sure you're all familiar with it. | 所以有首非常有名的歌,我相信你们都熟悉. |
| 0:08 | It's called | 这叫做 |
| 0:08 | My Way by Frank Sinatra. | 弗兰克·西纳特拉的《我的路》 |
| 0:11 | Now I love it, but there's one line in that song that has always | 我喜欢这首歌 但歌里有一句歌词 |
| 0:16 | bothered me. | 烦恼我。 |
| 0:18 | It goes like this. | 它是这样的。 |
| 0:21 | Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention. | 很遗憾,我有过几次,但还是很少提到 |
| 0:36 | Now hang on a second. | 现在等一下。 |
| 0:40 | I am pretty certain that Frank Sinatra had more than a few regrets, | 我敢肯定,弗兰克・西纳特拉 不止有一些遗憾, |
| 0:46 | including hanging out with shady mafiosos, so there's that. | 包括和阴险的黑社会混在一起,所以就这样 |
展开字幕全文（159 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So there's this very famous song, I'm sure you're all familiar with it. | 所以有首非常有名的歌,我相信你们都熟悉. |
| 2 | It's called | 这叫做 |
| 3 | My Way by Frank Sinatra. | 弗兰克·西纳特拉的《我的路》 |
| 4 | Now I love it, but there's one line in that song that has always | 我喜欢这首歌 但歌里有一句歌词 |
| 5 | bothered me. | 烦恼我。 |
| 6 | It goes like this. | 它是这样的。 |
| 7 | Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention. | 很遗憾,我有过几次,但还是很少提到 |
| 8 | Now hang on a second. | 现在等一下。 |
| 9 | I am pretty certain that Frank Sinatra had more than a few regrets, | 我敢肯定,弗兰克・西纳特拉 不止有一些遗憾, |
| 10 | including hanging out with shady mafiosos, so there's that. | 包括和阴险的黑社会混在一起,所以就这样 |
| 11 | But that song, and society | 但是那首歌,还有社会 |
| 12 | in general, encourages us to minimize regret. | 总的来说,鼓励我们尽量减少遗憾。 |
| 13 | As if they really did. | 就像他们真的做了。 |
| 14 | And that's why I love | 这就是为什么我爱 |
| 15 | an impact on our lives. | 影响我们的生活 |
| 16 | But that's just not true. | 但这不是真的 |
| 17 | For many of us, regrets are at the core | 对我们许多人来说,遗憾是核心 |
| 18 | of our identity, and have a huge impact on our work, our relationships, and how we live | 对我们的工作,我们的关系, 以及我们的生活都有着巨大影响 |
| 19 | our lives. | 我们的生活。 |
| 20 | I certainly have a few. | 我当然有几个 |
| 21 | Some aren't very important. | 有些并不重要。 |
| 22 | I regret eating a box of donuts | 我很遗憾吃一盒甜甜圈 |
| 23 | right before my annual physical last year. | 就在去年我体操赛之前 |
| 24 | Some are a little bit more serious. | 有些更严肃一点。 |
| 25 | I regret | 对不起 |
| 26 | not spending more time with my son after my divorce. | 我离婚后 不会再和我儿子在一起了 |
| 27 | But I have one deep regret that goes | 但我有一个深深的遗憾 |
| 28 | right to the heart of what I'm talking about today. | 直指今天我所说的一切 |
| 29 | You see, I'm an accidental killer. | 你看,我是一个意外杀手。 |
| 30 | When I was a young man, I was driving home late one night with my high school sweetheart, | 小时候,我和高中的甜心一起开车回家 |
| 31 | Michelle. | 米歇尔 |
| 32 | And I was paying more attention to her than I was to my driving. | 我比开车还注意她 |
| 33 | And I went | 我走的时候 |
| 34 | off the road, and I hit a telephone pole, and she died. | 我撞到了电话杆 她就死了 |
| 35 | For decades after that, there | 在那之后几十年里 |
| 36 | were times where I was completely overwhelmed and brought to my knees by incredible guilt, | 那时我被令人难以置信的内疚 完全压垮了 跪下 |
| 37 | paralyzing shame and sorrow and regret, a lot of self-loathing, not very much self-respect, | 麻痹羞耻 悲伤和遗憾 很多自怨自艾 |
| 38 | and a desperate need to do whatever I could to pay back the life that I took. | 并且迫不及待地需要尽我所能 以还清我夺走的生命 |
| 39 | And for | 还有为了 |
| 40 | many years, I thought I was the only one in this situation. | 多年来,我一直以为只有我一个人 |
| 41 | I was wrong. | 我错了 |
| 42 | Every single | 每一个 |
| 43 | year, people in the U.S. accidentally kill someone. | 一年,美国的人不小心杀了人 |
| 44 | And many more are seriously injured | 还有许多人受重伤 |
| 45 | or permanently disabled because someone made an unintentional mistake, just like me. | 或者永久残疾,因为有人 无意中犯了错误,就像我一样。 |
| 46 | We | 我们 |
| 47 | all belonged to a club that we never wanted to join. | 都属于我们从未想加入的俱乐部 |
| 48 | And recently, I found out that that | 最近,我发现 |
| 49 | club has a name. | 俱乐部有一个名字。 |
| 50 | It's called the Hyacinth Fellowship. | 名为海参会. |
| 51 | And last fall, I had the opportunity | 去年秋天,我有机会 |
| 52 | to attend their first annual in-person gathering in Detroit. | 参加他们在底特律的首次年度面对面聚会。 |
| 53 | All perfectly normal, reasonable, | 所有完全正常,合理, |
| 54 | people from all walks of life coming together to try to figure out a way to move forward | 来自各行各业的人们聚集一堂,想方设法向前迈进 |
| 55 | and to cope through their own accidental killings. | 并应付他们自己的意外杀戮。 |
| 56 | One woman I met there, let's call her Marie. | 一个我在那里见过的女人, 让我们叫她玛丽。 |
| 57 | She was just one year out from having had a motorcyclist t-bone her car, dying instantly. | 她刚过一年就被车撞死了 |
| 58 | And she told us that she had recently found out that two cars had collided in that exact same spot, | 她告诉我们,她最近发现 两辆车在同一个地方相撞, |
| 59 | not long after her accident, and both the drivers had died. | 在她出事不久后 司机都死了 |
| 60 | And she said, her very first thought | 她说,她的第一个想法 |
| 61 | was, thank goodness they both died, because then no one has to feel the guilt. | 谢天谢地他们都死了 因为那样就没人能感到愧疚了 |
| 62 | And we all nodded | 我们都点头 |
| 63 | because we knew exactly how she felt. | 因为我们很清楚她的感受 |
| 64 | And one of the realizations I took away with me from that | 和其中的一个意识 我带走了我 |
| 65 | gathering is how ill-equipped we are as a society to deal with regret. | 集会是我们作为一个社会 应对遗憾的能力太差了 |
| 66 | Now, accidentally killing | 现在,意外杀人 |
| 67 | someone is very, very serious. | 有人非常非常认真 |
| 68 | But none of us are immune to regret. | 但我们没有人能免于后悔。 |
| 69 | Maybe as I've been talking, | 也许当我一直在谈论, |
| 70 | some of you here have been thinking about something that happened in your life, some | 你们中有些人一直在思考 你生命中发生的事情 |
| 71 | unintentional harm you caused someone that you truly regret that you wish you could take back | 你无意中伤害了一个人 你真正后悔了 你希望你能收回 |
| 72 | and fix somehow. | 想办法解决 |
| 73 | The thing of it is, most of us don't talk about our regrets until maybe we're | 事情是这样的,我们大多数人 不谈论我们的遗憾,直到我们也许 |
| 74 | on our deathbed trying to own our mistakes and make amends, but by then it's usually too late. | 试图弥补我们的错误 但到那时 通常已经太晚了 |
| 75 | Or if we | 或者如果我们 |
| 76 | do talk about them, we often get some really bad advice. | 我们经常得到一些非常糟糕的建议。 |
| 77 | I remember one woman coming up to me at | 我记得有个女人来找我 |
| 78 | a funeral and saying, don't blame yourself. | 葬礼和说 别怪你自己 |
| 79 | This isn't your fault. | 这不是你的错。 |
| 80 | God wanted her in heaven. | 上帝希望她进入天堂 |
| 81 | Now, | 现在, |
| 82 | I know she was trying to make me feel better. | 我知道她想让我好过点 |
| 83 | And I know she truly believed that. | 我知道她真的相信这一点。 |
| 84 | But at that moment, | 但此时此刻 |
| 85 | all I could think was, are you kidding me? | 我唯一能想到的是 你在开玩笑吗? |
| 86 | But the really troubling piece of advice that I got over | 但真正令人不安的建议 我得到了过去 |
| 87 | and over and over again was that I needed to forgive myself. | 一次又一次地,我需要原谅自己。 |
| 88 | Forgive myself. | 原谅我自己 |
| 89 | That is the last | 这是最后一次 |
| 90 | thing I want to do. | 我想做点什么 |
| 91 | You see, to me, forgiving myself is somehow making an excuse for my failure, | 你看,对我来说,原谅我自己 不知何故为我的失败找了借口, |
| 92 | or deliberately letting myself off the hook so I could feel better about me. | 或者故意让自己摆脱困境 这样我才能感觉好点 |
| 93 | No, I was wholly | 没有,我是完全的 |
| 94 | responsible for what happened that night, and I always will be. | 对那晚发生的事负责 而我永远是 |
| 95 | So forgiving myself is off the | 所以原谅我自己是关闭的 |
| 96 | table. | 表单。 |
| 97 | But what I always needed to know was, how do I move forward in a positive way? | 但我一直需要知道的是 我如何以积极的方式前进? |
| 98 | One thing | 还有一件事 |
| 99 | I discovered is you can regret something and hold yourself accountable for it, but that doesn't mean | 我发现你可以后悔 并让自己对此负责 但这并不意味着 |
| 100 | you have to punish yourself for the rest of your life. | 你要惩罚自己一辈子 |
| 101 | You could learn from your regrets. | 你可以从你的遗憾中吸取教训。 |
| 102 | You could | 你会 |
| 103 | try to transform them or try to do something good with them. | 试着改造他们 或试着做一些好事 |
| 104 | You know, one of the best pieces of | 你知道,最好的一块 |
| 105 | advice I ever got came from a friend of mine in the form of two questions. | 我从一个朋友那里得到的建议 两个问题 |
| 106 | And he asked me this | 他问我这个 |
| 107 | right after the accident. | 事故发生后 |
| 108 | He said, so dude, this happened to you. | 他说,伙计,这是发生在你身上。 |
| 109 | What have you learned? | 你学到了什么? |
| 110 | And what | 还有什么 |
| 111 | are you going to do about it? | 你打算这么做吗? |
| 112 | Pretty harsh, right? | 相当严厉,对不对? |
| 113 | Still, he had a point. | 不过他还是有道理的 |
| 114 | But I was too overcome with | 但我太过分了 |
| 115 | sorrow and regret and shame to really think it through. | 悲伤、遗憾和羞耻 真正思考它。 |
| 116 | And that's the thing about regrets. | 遗憾就是这个意思 |
| 117 | We | 我们 |
| 118 | can try to ignore them. | 可以试图忽略他们。 |
| 119 | We can try to dismiss them. | 我们可以尝试解雇他们。 |
| 120 | We can even let them overwhelm us and undermine | 我们甚至可以让他们压倒我们 破坏 |
| 121 | our relationships and our work for the rest of our lives. | 我们的关系和我们毕生的工作 |
| 122 | Or we can choose a different path forward, | 或者我们可以选择一条不同的前进道路, |
| 123 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}尽我们所能 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}帮助那些被我们伤害的人 并补偿我们 | |
| 124 | can and somehow try to make a positive difference in the world. | 能够并且不知何故地试图在世界上产生积极的变化。 |
| 125 | So the question then becomes how? | 那么问题是如何发生的? |
| 126 | Well, for many years, I tried to do good works in my work as a professional theater artist and in | 多年来,我一直努力做好工作 作为一名专业的戏剧艺术家 |
| 127 | my writing and in my training programs on leadership and on respect. | 我写作和参加关于领导能力和尊重的培训班 |
| 128 | But looking back on it now, I think | 但是现在回想起来,我想 |
| 129 | that all that good work I was doing was unconsciously disingenuous. | 我所做的一切出色的工作 都是无意识的虚伪 |
| 130 | You see, as good as they were, | 你看,像他们一样好, |
| 131 | those things I was doing, I think I was just doing them to make myself feel better about me and to | 那些我正在做的事情, 我想我只是做它们 使自己感觉更好 对我和 |
| 132 | convince other people that I'm a good guy, which I am. | 说服别人,我是个好人,我是。 |
| 133 | Just ask my three-month-old grandson. | 问问我三个月大的孙子 |
| 134 | Eventually, | 最终 |
| 135 | after doing some research on something called moral injury, which is where we intentionally or | 在对所谓的精神伤害做一些研究后, 我们故意或 |
| 136 | unintentionally break our own personal moral code, I realized that if I could make a powerful positive | 我无意中打破了自己的个人道德准则, 我意识到,如果我能做出一个强大的积极 |
| 137 | difference in the world in the way that Michelle would have if she had lived or would have told me | 如果蜜雪儿活着或者告诉我 这个世界的差别 |
| 138 | to do, if she could, then all the good I was doing would be wholly about her and not about assuaging | 如果她能做,那么我所做的一切好事 将完全针对她,而不是安慰 |
| 139 | my guilt. | 我的内疚 |
| 140 | So what I did was seven years ago, I started an art scholarship in her name at our high | 7年前,我在高中 以她的名义创办了艺术奖学金 |
| 141 | school. | 学校。 |
| 142 | She wanted to be a professional artist and it feels like that's exactly what she would have | 她想成为一名专业的艺术家 感觉就像她会这样 |
| 143 | wanted me to do. | 想让我这样做。 |
| 144 | And you know what I regret now? | 你知道我现在后悔什么吗? |
| 145 | It's not coming to that realization sooner. | 事情不会早到的 |
| 146 | Don't try to make the world better, to make yourself feel better about you. | 不要试图让世界变得更好, 让自己感觉你更好。 |
| 147 | Change the | 改变 |
| 148 | world in the way that those you hurt would have done or would have told you to do if they could. | 以你伤害的人的方式,如果他们能这样做,你就会这样做或会告诉你这样做。 |
| 149 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我告诉你的Hyacinth联谊会的女人 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}她现在正在积极研究 | |
| 150 | practical ways to make our roadways safer for motorcyclists. | 我们的公路对摩托车手来说更加安全 |
| 151 | And many in the group have become | 很多人成为了 |
| 152 | lay pastors and counselors and mentors to those who are still working their way through their own | 向那些仍在工作的人提供牧师、顾问和导师 |
| 153 | accidental killings. | 意外杀人 |
| 154 | Regrets? | 遗憾? |
| 155 | We all have a few, right? | 我们都有几个,对吧? |
| 156 | And that's okay. | 这没关系。 |
| 157 | You can't change your past, | 你不能改变你的过去, |
| 158 | but you can use it to correct the future. | 但你可以用它来纠正未来 |
| 159 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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