TED演讲：快乐人生揭秘——跨时八十年研究分享
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | Hello, everybody. | 哈罗,大家好。 |
| 0:04 | I am delighted to be here and grateful to all of you for joining us | 我很高兴来到这里,感谢大家加入我们 |
| 0:10 | for this discussion. | 本次讨论。 |
| 0:14 | In 2015, I gave a TEDx talk in a little elementary school auditorium. | 2015年,我在一所小小学礼堂做了TEDx演讲. |
| 0:24 | And much to my surprise, the talk became one of the 10 most viewed talks in the history | 令人惊讶的是,这次谈话成为了有史以来 最受欢迎的10次会谈之一 |
| 0:31 | (原始内容存档于2019-03-21). Official website (TED). | |
| 0:34 | And in that talk, I conveyed one simple scientific finding, the finding that when | 在那次演讲中,我传达了一个简单的科学发现,即当 |
| 0:41 | we study hundreds of people over their entire adult lives, the people who turn out to be | 我们研究成百上千的人 在他们的整个成年生活, 人谁变成 |
| 0:48 | the happiest and the healthiest are those who have good, warm connections to others. | 最幸福、最健康的人就是那些与他人有良好、温暖关系的人。 |
| 0:56 | So today, I want to take you deeper into this whole subject by exploring how relationships | 因此,今天,我想让你更深入地 进入整个主题 通过探索如何关系 |
展开字幕全文（429 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hello, everybody. | 哈罗,大家好。 |
| 2 | I am delighted to be here and grateful to all of you for joining us | 我很高兴来到这里,感谢大家加入我们 |
| 3 | for this discussion. | 本次讨论。 |
| 4 | In 2015, I gave a TEDx talk in a little elementary school auditorium. | 2015年,我在一所小小学礼堂做了TEDx演讲. |
| 5 | And much to my surprise, the talk became one of the 10 most viewed talks in the history | 令人惊讶的是,这次谈话成为了有史以来 最受欢迎的10次会谈之一 |
| 6 | (原始内容存档于2019-03-21). Official website (TED). | |
| 7 | And in that talk, I conveyed one simple scientific finding, the finding that when | 在那次演讲中,我传达了一个简单的科学发现,即当 |
| 8 | we study hundreds of people over their entire adult lives, the people who turn out to be | 我们研究成百上千的人 在他们的整个成年生活, 人谁变成 |
| 9 | the happiest and the healthiest are those who have good, warm connections to others. | 最幸福、最健康的人就是那些与他人有良好、温暖关系的人。 |
| 10 | So today, I want to take you deeper into this whole subject by exploring how relationships | 因此,今天,我想让你更深入地 进入整个主题 通过探索如何关系 |
| 11 | matter in our lives, how they affect our health, what kinds of relationships give us this big | 如何影响我们的健康 什么样的关系给我们带来这么大的 |
| 12 | benefit in happiness, and which tools you can start using today to make your relationship | 和哪些工具可以今天开始使用 来建立你的关系 |
| 13 | stronger. | 更强。 |
| 14 | So I do direct this Harvard study of adult development. | 所以我指导了哈佛的成人发展研究。 |
| 15 | It's, as far as we know, | 据我们所知, |
| 16 | the longest study of the same people that's ever been done, following people since 1938, | 从1938年就跟随人们 对同一个人最长的研究 |
| 17 | from adolescents all the way through old age, and now following all their children, | 从青少年一直到老年, 现在跟随他们的孩子, |
| 18 | thousands of lives. | 无数众生. |
| 19 | And we began to find about 30 years ago, this startling connection between | 大约30年前 我们开始发现 这种惊人的联系 |
| 20 | warm relationships and how good our lives feel to us, our well-being, and also the fact that | 温暖的关系,以及我们的生活对我们的感受,我们的福祉,还有这样一个事实: |
| 21 | warm relationships seemed to keep people both physically stronger and kept their brains sharper | 温暖的关系让人身体更强壮 头脑更敏锐 |
| 22 | as they grew older. | 他们长大了 |
| 23 | And we didn't believe the data at first. | 我们起初不相信数据。 |
| 24 | We thought, how could this be that | 我们想,怎么会这样? |
| 25 | relationships actually get into our bodies and shape our health? | 关系真的进入我们的身体 并塑造我们的健康? |
| 26 | But then other studies began | 但后来开始了其他研究 |
| 27 | to find the same thing. | 找到同样的东西。 |
| 28 | We found that people had less depression, they were less likely to get | 我们发现人们的抑郁症较少, 他们不太可能得到 |
| 29 | diabetes and heart disease, that they recovered faster from illness when they had better connections | 糖尿病和心脏病, 他们从疾病中恢复得更快, |
| 30 | with other people. | 和别人 |
| 31 | So then the question is, how could this work? | 那么问题是,这怎么行呢? |
| 32 | How do relationships shape our | 关系如何塑造我们 |
| 33 | happiness and our physical health? | 快乐和身体健康? |
| 34 | Well, one of the best theories, for which there's now some | 好吧,最好的理论之一, 现在有一些 |
| 35 | pretty good evidence, is based on the idea of stress. | 相当好的证据,是基于压力的想法。 |
| 36 | That, as we know, stress is an inevitable | 我们知道,压力是不可避免的 |
| 37 | part of all of our lives. | 我们一生中的一部分 |
| 38 | Stress happens to us every day. | 我们每天都有压力 |
| 39 | And what we find is that good | 我们发现的就是这个好 |
| 40 | relationships turn out to be stress regulators. | 关系变成压力调节器 |
| 41 | So let me give you an example. | 让我举个例子。 |
| 42 | Let's say that | 这么说吧 |
| 43 | I have something upsetting happen to me during the day, and I find myself ruminating about it | 白天我有些烦恼 我发现自己在反省 |
| 44 | and really thinking about it and unhappy. | 并真正思考它和不快乐。 |
| 45 | I can feel my body go into what we call fight or flight | 我能感觉到我的身体进入我们所谓的战斗或飞行 |
| 46 | response, where literally my heart rate goes up and I might start sweating a little bit, | 反应,从字面上说,我的心率上升 我可能会开始出汗一点点, |
| 47 | and I'm just not feeling as well. | 我只是感觉不太好。 |
| 48 | Now, what we're meant to do is to come back to equilibrium | 现在我们要做的是回到平衡 |
| 49 | when a stressor goes away. | 当压力消失时 |
| 50 | That's the way the body's supposed to work. | 即是体性无碍. |
| 51 | But what happens | 但会发生什么 |
| 52 | if I go home at the end of my upsetting day and I have somebody to talk to? | 如果我在烦恼的一天结束时回家... ...我还有人要和他谈谈? |
| 53 | Either I can call | 要么我打电话 |
| 54 | someone on the phone or it's somebody I live with. | 打电话的人 或者是我和他住在一起的人 |
| 55 | I can literally feel my body calm down. | 我可以感觉到我的身体冷静下来。 |
| 56 | I can feel that fight or flight response subside. | 我能感觉到战斗或飞行反应减弱了 |
| 57 | But what if I don't have anybody to go home to? | 但如果我没有人可以回家呢? |
| 58 | What if there's nobody I can call? | 如果没有人我可以打电话呢? |
| 59 | What we find is that people who are isolated, are lonely, | 我们发现,那些孤立,孤独的人, |
| 60 | don't have those stress regulators that we get from good relationships. | 没有那些压力调节 我们从良好的关系。 |
| 61 | And that we stay | 而我们留下 |
| 62 | in chronic fight or flight mode, that our bodies have this chronic stress, chronic levels of | 在长期搏斗或飞行模式下, 我们的身体有这种长期的压力, 慢性水平 |
| 63 | inflammation, and circulating stress hormones that wear away our happiness and break down | 炎症 和循环 压力激素 耗尽我们的幸福和破解 |
| 64 | different body systems. | 不同的身体系统。 |
| 65 | Well, what kinds of relationships seem essential to well-being? | 那么,什么样的关系 似乎对福祉至关重要? |
| 66 | And this is interesting. | 这很有趣。 |
| 67 | We asked people who were our original participants in our study, | 我们问那些最初参加我们研究的人 |
| 68 | we asked them, who could you call in the middle of the night if you were sick or scared? | 我们问他们 如果你生病或害怕 你半夜能给谁打电话? |
| 69 | And many of our people could list several other people they could call if they were in trouble. | 我们很多人可以列出其他几个人 如果有麻烦,他们可以打电话。 |
| 70 | Some people couldn't list anyone. | 有些人不能列出任何人。 |
| 71 | There wasn't a person on the planet who they could turn to | 地球上没有一个人可以求助 |
| 72 | if they were sick or scared. | 如果他们生病或害怕。 |
| 73 | And what we find is that having at least one person in your life | 我们发现你一生中至少有一个人 |
| 74 | who you feel really has your back, who you could go to if you were in trouble, | 你感觉自己真的有你的背, 如果你有麻烦,你可以去找谁, |
| 75 | that's essential for maintaining our happiness and our health. | 这对维持我们的幸福和健康至关重要。 |
| 76 | When we asked | 当我们问 |
| 77 | these same people, when they got to be in their 80s, to look back on their lives and to tell us | 当他们80多岁时, 他们回顾他们的生活,告诉我们 |
| 78 | what they were proudest of, almost everybody said something about their relationships. | 他们最骄傲的是, 几乎每个人都说 他们的关系。 |
| 79 | They didn't say, I made a lot of money, or I won some big awards. | 他们没有说,我赚了很多钱, 或者我得到了一些大奖。 |
| 80 | They said, | 他们说, |
| 81 | I was a good mentor. | 我是一个很好的导师。 |
| 82 | I was a good friend. | 我是一个好朋友。 |
| 83 | I raised healthy kids. | 我养了健康的孩子。 |
| 84 | I was a good partner. | 我是一个很好的伙伴。 |
| 85 | And so what we find is that what seems to mean the most to people when they get to the end of | 所以,我们发现, 似乎对人们意义最大的 当他们到达终点 |
| 86 | their lives is the strength and the warmth of their connections to others. | 他们的生命是他们与他人联系的力量和温暖。 |
| 87 | So then the question | 所以问题 |
| 88 | comes up, well, which types of relationships support our well-being? | 什么样的关系能支持我们的福祉? |
| 89 | Some people have asked, | 有人问, |
| 90 | do I need to be in an intimate relationship to get this benefit? | 我是不是需要亲密的关系才能得到这个好处? |
| 91 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 92 | All types of | 各类 |
| 93 | relationships support our well-being. | 关系支持我们的福祉。 |
| 94 | So friendships, relatives, work colleagues, | 朋友、亲戚、同事 |
| 95 | casual contacts, the person who gets you your coffee every morning at Starbucks or Dunkin' | 每天早上在星巴克或邓金给你买咖啡的人 |
| 96 | Donuts, the person who checks you out in the grocery store, who you see maybe every week, | 甜甜圈,那个在杂货店检查你的人 你可能每周都会见到他 |
| 97 | even talking to strangers has that benefit. | 甚至和陌生人说话也有好处 |
| 98 | So they did an experiment where they assigned some | 于是他们做了一个实验 他们分配了一些 |
| 99 | people who were about to go on the subway, the task of talking to a stranger, while other people | 准备上地铁的人 和陌生人谈话的任务 而其他人 |
| 100 | were assigned the task of just doing their usual thing of being on their phones or listening to | 被分配的任务只是做他们 通常的事情,在他们的电话或听 |
| 101 | music or reading. | 音乐或阅读。 |
| 102 | It turned out that the people who were assigned to talk to strangers didn't | 原来被派去和陌生人谈话的人 |
| 103 | think they were going to like it, but they turned out to be much happier at the end of the task | 以为他们会喜欢的 但是在任务结束时他们更快乐 |
| 104 | than the people who just rode the subway keeping to themselves. | 比那些刚坐地铁的人还好 |
| 105 | So even talking to strangers gives | 所以即使跟陌生人说话 |
| 106 | us that little hit of well-being from relationships. | 我们从关系上幸福的微小打击。 |
| 107 | So the question comes up, how can we strengthen | 因此,问题来了,我们如何加强 |
| 108 | our connections with other people? | 我们和别人的关系? |
| 109 | And this is where we've come to think about it as a kind of | 这就是我们想着的 |
| 110 | social fitness. | 社会健身。 |
| 111 | If we think about physical fitness, we think, okay, I'll go to the gym, | 如果我们想健身,我们想, 好吧,我去健身房, |
| 112 | I'll work out, I'll take a long walk, I'll do something to keep myself strong and fit. | 修炼精进,长途跋涉,为保持自己坚固,身体健康而有所作为. |
| 113 | But then we come home and we don't say, I'm done, I don't ever have to do that again. | 但是,然后我们回家,我们不说, 我结束了,我再也不做。 |
| 114 | We have the sense that physical fitness is a practice that we need to maintain over time. | 我们感到,身体健康是我们需要长期保持的一种做法。 |
| 115 | It turns out that social fitness is the same, that in fact, our friendships, our relationships | 原来社会健身是一样的,事实上,我们的友谊,我们的关系 |
| 116 | don't just take care of themselves, that even good relationships need tending to, they need | 不要只是照顾自己, 即使良好的关系需要照顾, 他们需要 |
| 117 | attention, they need returning to them over and over again. | 注意,他们需要一次又一次地回到他们身边。 |
| 118 | So what are some ways that we can | 我们能用什么方法 |
| 119 | strengthen our relationships? | 加强我们的关系? |
| 120 | Well, one way is to be proactive, to take the initiative. | 一种方法是主动主动主动 |
| 121 | So to reach | 为了达到 |
| 122 | out to a friend and ask her to take a walk instead of spending two more hours on your laptop | 去找一个朋友 让她出去走走 而不是多花两个小时在你的笔记本电脑上 |
| 123 | this weekend on Saturday afternoon. | 这个周末是星期六下午 |
| 124 | Establish some routines with the people who are most important | 和最重要的人一起做一些例行公事 |
| 125 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}给你一个正常的电话 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}或咖啡 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}每周六跟一个你真正想要确定的人 | |
| 126 | you see regularly or meeting somebody at the gym or having lunch with a coworker. | 你经常看到或者在健身房和同事见面 或者吃午饭 |
| 127 | The other thing | 还有一件事 |
| 128 | we can do is liven up those long-standing relationships, particularly like the people | 我们能做的就是恢复这些长期的关系 特别是像人们一样 |
| 129 | we live with. | 我们住在一起。 |
| 130 | People we can come to take for granted by proposing to do something new, | 我们建议做一些新的事情 就可以认为是理所当然的, |
| 131 | going out on a date, just taking a walk if that's not your usual routine. | 出去约会,只是散步 如果这不是你通常的习惯。 |
| 132 | The other thing that we | 还有一件事,我们 |
| 133 | know works to help people, particularly who aren't as connected to others as they want to be, | 知道工作帮助人, 特别是谁没有 与其他人的联系 他们想成为, |
| 134 | is to connect around shared interests. | 将共同利益联系起来。 |
| 135 | So volunteer in the community to do something that you care | 所以在社区里自愿做一些你在乎的事 |
| 136 | about. | 有关。 |
| 137 | It might be a gardening club, it might be a bowling league, it might be a political cause, | 它可能是一个园艺俱乐部, 它可能是一个保龄球联赛, 它可能是一个政治事业, |
| 138 | but to do something that you care about because then you're with other people who care about the | 但做一些你关心的事 因为那时你和其他人 谁关心 |
| 139 | same thing and that's a natural place to start conversations that can lead to ongoing relationships. | 同样的事情,这是一个自然的地方 开始对话,可以导致持续的关系。 |
| 140 | And finally, get more comfortable striking up casual conversations. | 最后,让大家更舒服地开始闲聊 |
| 141 | That's something we can | 这是我们可以做的 |
| 142 | learn to be more comfortable with, almost like exercising a muscle. | 学着更自在 就像锻炼肌肉一样 |
| 143 | So now I would like to ask | 所以现在我想问 |
| 144 | you to do one of these things, to make one of these choices that we can make every day. | 你做这些事情之一, 做出这些选择之一 我们可以每天做出。 |
| 145 | I'd | 我会 |
| 146 | my challenge to you. | 我对你的挑战。 |
| 147 | Think about someone you miss that you just haven't seen in a while or | 想想你想念的人 你只是没有看到一段时间或 |
| 148 | you haven't had contact with and you'd like to make contact. | 你没有接触过,你想联系。 |
| 149 | You don't even have to have a | 你甚至不用有一个 |
| 150 | particular reason. | 特别的原因 |
| 151 | Now, I want you to take out your phone or whatever device you use | 现在,我要你拿出你的手机或任何设备 |
| 152 | right now and send that person just a little note. | 现在就给那个人发个小信 |
| 153 | It could say, I'm just thinking of you and wanted | 它会说,我只是在想你,想要 |
| 154 | to connect. | 连接。 |
| 155 | Or you could say something more personal to you and to your relationship and then | 或者你可以对你和你的关系说点私人话 然后 |
| 156 | watch what comes back to you. | 看着你回来。 |
| 157 | And while we're here, we might even have time to share with each other | 当我们在这里的时候,我们甚至有时间 分享彼此 |
| 158 | some of the responses that people get when they do this. | 人们这样做时会得到一些回应。 |
| 159 | So think of someone and make contact | 想想别人,联系一下 |
| 160 | right now. | 现在 |
| 161 | The point of this simple exercise is to remind us that even small actions can have | 这种简单做法的要点是提醒我们,即使是小规模的行动也可能有: |
| 162 | ripple effects that build our wellbeing and that these are things you can do every day | 连锁反应 建立我们的福祉 这些是你每天可以做的事情 |
| 163 | in the moment. | 在此刻。 |
| 164 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 165 | One way I'd love to kick things off, Bob, you mentioned at the top of the | 一种方式,我喜欢踢东西,鲍勃, 你提到在顶端 |
| 166 | conversation, the top of your talk rather, that you run this Harvard study of adult development | 对话,你顶尖的谈话, 你运行这个哈佛研究 成人发展 |
| 167 | and gave us sort of a snippet of what that is. | 并给了我们一些 片段是什么。 |
| 168 | But could you tell us a little bit more about | 但是,你能告诉我们更多关于 |
| 169 | the study? | 书房? |
| 170 | What does it track? | 它追踪到什么? |
| 171 | Why did it start? | 为什么开始? |
| 172 | Who's in the study today? | 今天谁在书房? |
| 173 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 174 | The study | 研究报告 |
| 175 | started in 1938 and it started with two groups, a group of Harvard College undergrads and it started | 开始于1938年,开始分为两组,一组哈佛学院研究生,开始于 |
| 176 | with a group of inner city boys who were in elementary school or middle school from really | 一群在小学或初中的内城男孩 |
| 177 | disadvantaged, troubled families. | 弱势、困难的家庭。 |
| 178 | And each study was trying to look at how people can take | 每一个研究都试图研究人们如何接受 |
| 179 | healthy developmental paths. | 健康的发展道路。 |
| 180 | And so the idea was not to study what goes wrong in our lives, | 所以这个想法不是研究我们生活中的错 |
| 181 | but what goes right in our lives and some of the factors that contribute to helping things go well | 但是我们生活中的正确之处 和一些有助于帮助事物顺利发展的因素 |
| 182 | in human development. | 在人类发展方面。 |
| 183 | Needless to say, we started out with boys, all males, but we've added women. | 不用说,我们一开始是男的,都是男的,但我们增加了女的。 |
| 184 | We have more than half women now and we've added the second generation. | 我们现在有一半以上的女性,我们增加了第二代. |
| 185 | So we started out with | 所以我们开始 |
| 186 | 724 people. | 724人(图). |
| 187 | Now we have over 2000 people in our study and we're still collecting data today. | 现在我们有2000多人在研究 我们今天仍在收集资料。 |
| 188 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 189 | And I know in the book you talk about how the advice you offer, the wisdom you offer, | 我知道你在书里谈到 你的建议和智慧 |
| 190 | is not just drawn from your own study because of some of what you suggested that, you know, | 不只是从你自己的书中抽出来的 因为你提出的一些建议 |
| 191 | you're just now starting to bring women and different generations. | 你刚刚开始 带来女人和不同的世代。 |
| 192 | And I guess could you | 我猜你会 |
| 193 | talk about some of the other gaps and why it's been important to also think about some of the | 谈谈其他一些差距 以及为什么还得考虑一下 |
| 194 | other studies out there on life and happiness? | 其他关于生活和幸福的研究? |
| 195 | Yes, that's a really good point because | 是的,这是个很好的观点,因为 |
| 196 | particularly in this kind of research, no single study is proof of anything. | 特别是在这种研究中,没有一项研究能证明任何事情。 |
| 197 | That what we want | 这就是我们想要的 |
| 198 | is for different studies of different populations, so different ethnic groups, | 是针对不同的人群的不同研究, 所以不同的族裔群体, |
| 199 | different cultural groups, different geographies, right? | 不同的文化群体,不同的地理,对不对? |
| 200 | We want different studies to point in the | 我们希望不同的研究 指出 |
| 201 | same direction. | 同样的方向。 |
| 202 | And that's why I'm here and I can tell you with confidence, many studies | 所以我在这里 我可以自信地告诉你 很多研究 |
| 203 | point to all these same benefits of relationships. | 指出所有这些 关系的好处。 |
| 204 | And I know you touched on the health element | 我知道你碰过健康因素 |
| 205 | in your talk and shared that there is data that reveals that we have, that there's a strong | 在你的谈话和分享, 有数据显示 我们有,有一个强 |
| 206 | connection between happiness and health. | 幸福与健康之间的联系。 |
| 207 | And what have you specifically found related to happiness | 你具体发现什么与幸福有关 |
| 208 | and health outcomes? | 健康结果? |
| 209 | What we find is that happiness turns out to make us age more slowly | 我们发现幸福会让我们年龄变慢 |
| 210 | and keep us able longer. | 并让我们能更长时间。 |
| 211 | So the diseases of aging that happen to all of us happen later. | 因此,发生在我们所有人身上的衰老疾病,后来就会发生。 |
| 212 | Sometimes they don't happen at all in people who are happier, have a greater sense of well-being. | 有时他们根本不会发生在那些更快乐,更幸福的人身上. |
| 213 | And it's because of what I spoke about a few minutes ago, this kind of decrease in chronic | 是因为我几分钟前说的话 这种慢性病的减少 |
| 214 | inflammation and chronic stress. | 炎症和慢性应激. |
| 215 | And so what we find is that we can't guarantee that any one person | 所以我们发现 我们无法保证任何人 |
| 216 | is going to stay happier or live longer if they have better relationships, but we find that there | 如果她们有更好的关系 会更快乐或更长寿 但我们发现 |
| 217 | are these ingredients, just like taking care of your health, not smoking, not abusing alcohol or | 是这些成分, 就像照顾你的健康, 不吸烟, 不滥用酒精或 |
| 218 | drugs, exercising regularly, getting regular healthcare, having access to healthcare. | 药物、定期锻炼、定期保健、获得保健服务。 |
| 219 | All of those things really matter for our health. | 所有这些事情对我们的健康都很重要。 |
| 220 | And you start the book with a question. | 你以一个问题开始这本书。 |
| 221 | You say, | 你说, |
| 222 | if you had to make one life choice right now to set yourself on the path to future health and | 如果你现在不得不做出一个人生选择 让自己走上未来健康的道路 |
| 223 | happiness, what would it be? | 幸福会是什么? |
| 224 | And from hearing your talk today, we know that the right answer to that | 从你今天的演讲中, 我们知道正确的答案 |
| 225 | question is to build more warm connections. | 问题是建立更温暖的联系 |
| 226 | But I want to ask you about the use of the word choice | 但我想问你选字的用法 |
| 227 | there and understanding more about whether or not having warm connections is a choice that we make. | 更深入地了解 是否有温暖的联系 是我们做出的选择 |
| 228 | Or to put it another way, are there qualities that each of us have that maybe make us more social | 或者说,换句话说,我们每个人的素质 都可能使我们更加社会化 |
| 229 | people, that these are just baked into our personalities? | 人们,这些只是烤 我们的个性? |
| 230 | Can we decide to be a person who | 我们能决定成为一个 |
| 231 | makes connections? | 做连接? |
| 232 | That's a really important point because we differ. | 这很重要,因为我们意见不同。 |
| 233 | We are all different in | 我们都不同 |
| 234 | how much connection we want and benefit from. | 我们希望和受益于多少联系。 |
| 235 | So some of us are introverts and that's just fine. | 所以我们有些人是内向者,这很好。 |
| 236 | That's perfectly normal. | 这是完全正常的。 |
| 237 | And introverts don't want a lot of connections. | 而内道者不欲多络. |
| 238 | In fact, being with a lot of | 事实上,与很多 |
| 239 | people is exhausting for introverts. | 人们为内向而疲惫 |
| 240 | And so some people just need one or two good relationships. | 所以有些人只需要一两个好关系 |
| 241 | Everybody needs a little bit of connection, but some people actually don't need a lot. | 每个人都需要一点点的联系, 但有些人实际上并不需要太多。 |
| 242 | And so what we want to do is try to figure out for ourselves what's right for me. | 所以,我们想做的是 试着为自己找出什么是适合我的。 |
| 243 | And that | 还有 |
| 244 | involves really just tuning in and saying, okay, I'm energized by being with a lot of people, | 我和很多人在一起很兴奋 |
| 245 | so I'm going to do that. | 所以我会做到这一点。 |
| 246 | Or no, I'm exhausted by being with a lot of people. | 或者不,我累坏了 与很多人在一起。 |
| 247 | For me, | 对我来说 |
| 248 | a quiet conversation with one person is the most energizing thing I can do in the interpersonal | 和一个人安静的对话 是我在人际交往中所能做的最激动人心的事 |
| 249 | realm. | 领域。 |
| 250 | And so it's really a matter of discerning what's right for each person. | 所以,这其实是一个问题 辨别什么是正确的人。 |
| 251 | And what factors | 还有什么因素 |
| 252 | have you found contribute to that? | 你找到这个贡献了吗? |
| 253 | Maybe things from early in life or childhood that might actually | 也许从生命早期或童年 可能实际上 |
| 254 | shape our ability to make these connections later in life? | 造就我们日后建立这些联系的能力? |
| 255 | Yes. | 对 |
| 256 | So many of our social skills we | 我们的许多社交技巧 |
| 257 | learn when we're growing up. | 学我们长大后。 |
| 258 | We learn it in our families. | 我们在家里学的 |
| 259 | We learn it at school and on the | 我们在学校和学校学习过 |
| 260 | playground. | 游戏场。 |
| 261 | They can be learned and they can be improved as we get into adulthood. | 它们可以学习,并且随着我们成年而得到改进。 |
| 262 | They're not | 他们不是 |
| 263 | set in stone once we're done with childhood. | 一旦我们完成童年生活,就被扔到石头上 |
| 264 | So it's really important to see the ways that, | 所以,这真的很重要 看的方式, |
| 265 | just like some of the suggestions I made, ways that you can practice getting better at this, | 就像我提出的一些建议一样, 你可以练习如何提高这个水平, |
| 266 | because it really pays off. | 因为它真的有回报。 |
| 267 | But some people are not so good at this and they can have perfectly | 但有些人不擅长这个 他们可以有完美的 |
| 268 | wonderful, happy, healthy lives without being social butterflies and extroverts. | 美好的,快乐的,健康的生活 没有社会蝴蝶和外向者。 |
| 269 | And I just | 我刚刚 |
| 270 | want to name that so that people don't go away thinking, gosh, if I'm not an extrovert, | 要命名,这样人们就不会离开 思考,天哪,如果我不是一个外向者, |
| 271 | I'm out of luck. | 我运气不好 |
| 272 | Not true at all. | 一点也不是真的 |
| 273 | Many of our happiest people had quieter lives. | 我们许多最幸福的人的生活比较安静 |
| 274 | And I guess to the tips that you offered in the talk, you talked about how we can build | 我想你在谈话中提供的提示 你谈到了我们如何构建 |
| 275 | warm connections, steps that we can take, and this idea of social fitness. | 温暖的连接,我们可以采取的步骤, 和这个社会健身的想法。 |
| 276 | And so I'm curious | 所以,我很好奇,因为... |
| 277 | how can we actually assess our social fitness? | 我们怎样才能评估我们的社会健康? |
| 278 | And as you said, just sort of understand what | 就像你说的,只是有点理解 |
| 279 | is right for us in terms of how many friends to have. | 就我们有多少朋友而言,这是正确的。 |
| 280 | And is it possible to sustain warm | 能否保持温暖 |
| 281 | relationships if you aren't really intentional in thinking about your social fitness? | 关系,如果你真的 有意考虑你的社交健身? |
| 282 | That question of how do we assess our social fitness, it's really checking in and saying, | 我们如何评估我们的社交健身问题, 它真的在检查和说, |
| 283 | am I as connected as I would like to be to other people? | 我和别人一样有联系吗? |
| 284 | And if I'm not, what am I missing? | 如果我没有,我错过了什么? |
| 285 | So | 这么说 |
| 286 | not all relationships provide us with the same stuff. | 并不是所有的关系 给我们提供同样的东西。 |
| 287 | Some relationships are relationships we | 有些关系是我们的关系 |
| 288 | have because they're fun. | 因为他们很有趣 |
| 289 | And so they're the people I like to go out and party with. | 所以我喜欢和他们一起出去玩 |
| 290 | Some relationships are the relationships that help me when I'm scared or hurting or worried | 有些关系是我害怕或伤害或担心时 帮助我的关系 |
| 291 | about something and I need someone to talk things over with. | 关于某件事 我需要有人来谈谈 |
| 292 | I need a sounding board, | 我需要一个探测板, |
| 293 | a good advisor. | 一个很好的顾问。 |
| 294 | Some relationships are the people who loan me tools when I need to fix something | 有些关系是借我工具的人 当我需要修东西时 |
| 295 | and I don't have the right tool or give me a ride to the doctor. | 我没有合适的工具 也没有送我去看医生 |
| 296 | So part of it is checking in about | 所以它的一部分是检查 |
| 297 | what am I missing? | 我错过了什么? |
| 298 | And then seeing what might be possible in terms of developing | 然后看看在发展方面能做些什么 |
| 299 | more of the relationships that give us the things we want more of. | 更多的关系给我们 我们想要的东西。 |
| 300 | And along those same lines, Ted member Tiana wants to know how do we define if a relationship | 同样地,Ted成员Tiana想知道我们如何定义关系 |
| 301 | is actually meaningful or not? | 到底有没有意义? |
| 302 | I mean, it sounds like understanding what these voices are saying, | 我的意思是,这听起来像理解 这些声音在说什么, |
| 303 | but are there other things we should pay attention to to know if it's valuable, | 但还有别的事情我们应该注意 想知道它是否有价值, |
| 304 | if this is a one connection? | 如果这是一个连接? |
| 305 | Yeah, one way to think about it is not whether the relationship | 是啊,一个思考的方法 不是关系 |
| 306 | is smooth all the time, but whether we feel that we can be authentic, we can be ourselves | 但无论我们觉得自己是真实的 |
| 307 | in a relationship. | 在一个关系。 |
| 308 | And obviously, we won't be the same selves in a work relationship that we | 很明显,我们不会是 自己在一个工作关系中,我们 |
| 309 | might be with our beloved sister. | 也许和我们亲爱的妹妹在一起 |
| 310 | But still, can I be myself in the most essential ways? | 但是,我能否以最基本的方式做我自己? |
| 311 | Can I express myself? | 我可以表达自己吗? |
| 312 | And can the other person express themselves? | 其他人能表达自己吗? |
| 313 | Because I think that's where | 因为我认为那是 |
| 314 | what we really want is to feel known and to feel seen, and not to feel like we are having to | 我们真正想要的就是感觉知觉和被看见, 而不是感觉我们不得不 |
| 315 | maintain a facade that hides who we are. | 保持一个隐藏我们身份的外表 |
| 316 | And so the best relationships are those | 所以最好的关系是 |
| 317 | where we feel we can be ourselves. | 在那里,我们觉得我们可以成为自己。 |
| 318 | And you talked about how really it's it's | 你谈论了它到底是如何 |
| 319 | relationships, friendships, acquaintances. | 关系,友谊,熟人。 |
| 320 | I mean, all of these relationships matter. | 我的意思是,所有这些关系都很重要。 |
| 321 | But | 不过 |
| 322 | do you find that one of these is maybe more significant than the other? | 你是否觉得其中一个比另一个更重要? |
| 323 | Or how do you look | 你怎么样? |
| 324 | at them? | 在他们身上? |
| 325 | I look at it in terms of the secure attachment we think about it. | 我从我们所想的安全依恋的角度来看待它。 |
| 326 | That's attachment | 这是附件 |
| 327 | is a word for being warmly securely connected. | 是一个词来表示 被热情安全连接。 |
| 328 | It's the who can you call in the middle of the | 是那个你可以在中间打电话的人 |
| 329 | if you're sick or scared. | 如果你生病或害怕的话 |
| 330 | So I think of it in those terms, not necessarily the person's role, | 所以我从这些角度来考虑 不一定是个人的角色 |
| 331 | defined role in our life, like romantic partner or boss, but it's the does this person have my back? | 就像浪漫的伴侣或老板 但却是这个人背着我? |
| 332 | And so that's, I think, the defining element that we want to find somewhere in our world. | 因此,我认为,这就是我们想要在世界上找到的决定性因素。 |
| 333 | So we have so many member questions coming in, Bob, and I'm going to kind of go through a little | 所以,我们有很多成员的问题 来,鲍勃,我要有点经历 |
| 334 | a few more of them. | 再来几杯 |
| 335 | So Ted member Nancy wants to know if you think it's possible for an endemically | 所以Ted成员Nancy想知道你是否认为 有可能出现地方病 |
| 336 | unhappy person at some point in life to obtain happiness? | 不幸的人在生命的某个阶段 获得幸福? |
| 337 | Yes. | 对 |
| 338 | And thank you for asking that | 谢谢你这么问 |
| 339 | question. | 问题。 |
| 340 | So we have a couple of life stories in our book, the book contains real stories of real | 我们的书里有一些人生故事 书里有真实的故事 |
| 341 | people. | 人们 |
| 342 | Every the names are disguised to protect confidentiality. | 每一个名字都伪装起来是为了保密. |
| 343 | But some of those stories are of | 但其中一些故事是关于 |
| 344 | people who have big turnarounds late in life, people who were isolated and less happy and in | 晚年有大转折的人 被孤立的人 不太快乐的人 |
| 345 | their 60s found a whole community. | 他们的60年代找到了一个完整的社区。 |
| 346 | One man found a community at a gym that he never dreamed he would | 一个人在健身房里找到了一个社区 他从未想过会 |
| 347 | find. | 寻找。 |
| 348 | And so the message that we get from studying these thousands of lives is it is never too late. | 因此,我们从研究这数千条生命中得到的信息是,它永远不会太晚。 |
| 349 | And so don't assume that it's too late for you, even if you feel like you've had not had good | 所以不要假设 对你来说已经太迟了 即使你觉得自己没有好过 |
| 350 | luck with this in the past. | 运气在过去。 |
| 351 | Well, Bob, we're getting some questions about you. | 鲍勃,我们得到一些关于你的问题。 |
| 352 | And I want to | и稱 |
| 353 | turn to you for a second. | 转过身来 |
| 354 | And I'm curious how running this study has changed the way you | 我好奇这个研究是如何改变你的 |
| 355 | approach life and your own pursuit of happiness. | 面对生活 追求幸福 |
| 356 | Gosh. | 天呐 |
| 357 | Well, one of the things that's helped me | 有一件事能帮助我 |
| 358 | is the idea that everybody has struggles in their life. | 是每个人生命中挣扎的念头 |
| 359 | That has been so meaningful to me | 这对我来说是如此有意义 |
| 360 | because I can also look at the world and say, gee, other people seem to have lives that have it all | 因为我也可以看看这个世界,说,天哪, 其他人似乎有生命 拥有这一切 |
| 361 | figured out and perfect lives. | 和完美的生活。 |
| 362 | It is so helpful to know that there isn't a person on the planet who | 知道这个星球上没有一个人 |
| 363 | doesn't have struggles. | 没有挣扎。 |
| 364 | And it makes me feel less alone when I can recognize that. | 当我意识到这一点时, 让我感到不那么孤独。 |
| 365 | And that's one | 就是这样 |
| 366 | of the reasons why I want to keep getting these messages out after having studied thousands of | 研究了几千个 |
| 367 | lives. | 活着 |
| 368 | And I think the other thing that it's changed is my own priorities. | 我认为改变的另外一件事 是我自己的优先。 |
| 369 | So I realize, | 所以我意识到, |
| 370 | OK, I can sit here this afternoon and edit another paper or do more work or I can see my friend who | 好吧,我可以坐在这里 今天下午再编辑另一份论文 或者做更多的工作 或者我可以看到我的朋友谁 |
| 371 | I haven't seen in a month. | 我一个月没见了 |
| 372 | And so I've become more active in taking care of my relationships. | 所以我更积极处理我的关系 |
| 373 | And it | 还有 |
| 374 | makes a big difference. | 变化很大 |
| 375 | So I would say that those are the two big things for me that directing this | 所以我要说 这两件事对我来说很重要 |
| 376 | study has changed about my life. | 学习改变了我的生活 |
| 377 | Well, we have a question from Ted member Nisa. | 我们有泰德成员Nisa的问题 |
| 378 | They ask, as a | 他们问,作为一个 |
| 379 | mother of two very young children, what advice do you have for parents to build strong, healthy | 有两个孩子的母亲,你有什么建议 要父母建立强大,健康 |
| 380 | relationships now through adulthood? | 现在的关系直到成年? |
| 381 | Or parents. | 或父母亲. |
| 382 | It's really helping your children to pay attention | 这真的有助于你的孩子们注意 |
| 383 | to how they feel and to learn to use their feelings with more choice. | 学会用更多的选择来利用自己的感受 |
| 384 | So learning to love | 所以学会爱 |
| 385 | what they love and hang on to what they love, even if it's not so popular. | 他们所爱的和坚持的 他们所爱的,即使它不是那么流行。 |
| 386 | You know, I had a | 你知道,我有一个 |
| 387 | mother talk to me about how her child really loved doing improv comedy, and he's only 12. | 妈妈跟我说说她孩子真的喜欢做即兴喜剧 他才12岁 |
| 388 | And his friends don't like that. | 他的朋友不喜欢这样 |
| 389 | And so we talked about how do you help your child | 于是我们谈论了如何帮助你的孩子 |
| 390 | feel supported and loving what he loves and taking an improv class, right? | 感觉支持和爱他所爱的东西 并参加即兴表演,对不对? |
| 391 | So helping your | 所以帮助你 |
| 392 | kids learn that it's okay to love something that's not the same as all the other kids in | 孩子们学会了爱一些 和孩子们不一样的东西 |
| 393 | their group and keep loving what they love and helping kids learn that it's okay to be unhappy | 继续爱他们爱的东西 帮助孩子们学会不开心是件好事 |
| 394 | and that that will pass, that feelings come and go, that it's okay to disagree. | 而那会过去, 感觉会来会去, 这是可以不同意的。 |
| 395 | Families can model, | 家庭可以模拟, |
| 396 | parents can model for kids, we can have disagreements, we can work it out and hold | 父母可以做孩子的模特, 我们有分歧, 我们可以解决和坚持 |
| 397 | on to these good relationships, even through disagreements. | 即使通过分歧,这些良好的关系。 |
| 398 | Those are some of the biggest | 这些是最大的 |
| 399 | lessons we can help our children with about how to use their feelings rather than kind of be | 我们可以帮助我们的孩子 如何利用他们的感情而不是那种 |
| 400 | buffeted by their feelings and ruled by their feelings. | 被他们的感情所震撼 被他们的感情所支配 |
| 401 | I'm curious just where you see the | 我很好奇你从哪里看到 |
| 402 | study going from here. | 从这里开始学习 |
| 403 | We're collecting more data, even as we speak. | 我们正在收集更多的数据, 即使我们说话。 |
| 404 | We are collecting more | 我们收集的更多 |
| 405 | information from the children. | 儿童的信息。 |
| 406 | Almost all the original participants have passed away, | 几乎所有的原始参与者都去世了 |
| 407 | but their children are all baby boomers on average. | 但他们的孩子平均都是婴儿潮 |
| 408 | And so we're collecting information, | 所以我们收集信息, |
| 409 | including about what life was like during the pandemic. | 包括疫情期间的生活 |
| 410 | Also collecting information about | 并收集下列信息: |
| 411 | how they use social media, which is something we've all been talking about a bit here. | 他们如何使用社交媒体, 这是我们一直在谈论的一点。 |
| 412 | And I think in terms of the future, we see ourselves as wanting to make our data | 我认为从未来来看,我们自认为是想做我们的数据 |
| 413 | available to more and more researchers. | 越来越多的研究人员可以利用。 |
| 414 | So we want to collaborate and we do collaborate with | 所以我们想合作,我们确实合作 |
| 415 | other research groups. | 其他研究小组。 |
| 416 | We say, come in and use our data and ask new questions that we don't even | 我们说,进来使用我们的数据 问一些我们甚至不问的新问题 |
| 417 | think to ask, because we have this treasure trove of information about thousands of lives. | 想想看,因为我们有关于数千条生命的宝藏 |
| 418 | And then we're going to make it publicly available on public websites because, you know, | 然后我们会在公共网站上公布 因为,你知道, |
| 419 | much of our work has been funded by the federal government, by NIH, with taxpayer money. | 我们的大部分工作 都由联邦政府,NIH出资, 以纳税人的钱。 |
| 420 | And so | 这样 |
| 421 | we feel a responsibility to make this information available to other researchers who want to ask | 我们感到有责任将这些信息提供给其他想问 |
| 422 | their own questions about our data. | 他们自己的问题 关于我们的数据。 |
| 423 | Well, Bob, you've shared so many great things with us. | 鲍勃,你和我们分享了很多伟大的东西 |
| 424 | You know, I feel like if people were listening and trying to absorb all of it and at the very end | 你知道,我觉得如果人们在倾听 并试图吸收所有的东西, 在最后 |
| 425 | of this conversation want just one nugget of information that if you miss everything, | 在这次谈话中,只要有一点信息 如果你错过了一切 |
| 426 | what is the one thing that you want everyone to walk away from at the end of this conversation? | 你想让大家在谈话结束时 离开的是什么? |
| 427 | That if you want to make one choice today that will make you healthier and happier, | 如果你今天想做出一个选择 让你更健康更快乐 |
| 428 | it is to pay attention to improving your connections with other people, that that | 而是要注意改善你和别人的联系,那就是 |
| 429 | is such a good investment and it will pay off for years to come. | 这是一个很好的投资,它将在未来数年中有所回报。 |
该视频共有字幕 429 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格