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TED演讲:培养孩子独立自主的五个育儿技巧

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时间英文中文
0:04How do we raise self-reliant kids, who have initiative, who are resilient, and who could我们如何培养自力更生的儿童,他们有主动性,有复原力,并且能够
0:11be problem solvers?成为解决问题的人?
0:13Kids who have the skills and the courage to step outside of their comfort zone and take有技巧和勇气的孩子 走出他们的舒适地带 带走
0:20advantage of what life has to offer.拥有生命的优势
0:24I'm a mom to these three boys, and if you're a parent like me, you've probably asked yourself我是这三个孩子的妈妈 如果你像我一样是父母 你可能已经问自己
0:30those very same questions.同样的问题。
0:33And while I'm sure that every caring parent wants those same things for their children,虽然我相信每个有爱心的父母 都希望孩子得到同样的东西
0:40I think we're going about it the wrong way.我想我们走错了路
0:44We want our kids to be happy and successful, so our instinct is to shield them from hurt我们希望我们的孩子快乐成功 所以我们的本能就是保护他们免受伤害
0:53and disappointment.还有失望
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序号英文中文
1How do we raise self-reliant kids, who have initiative, who are resilient, and who could我们如何培养自力更生的儿童,他们有主动性,有复原力,并且能够
2be problem solvers?成为解决问题的人?
3Kids who have the skills and the courage to step outside of their comfort zone and take有技巧和勇气的孩子 走出他们的舒适地带 带走
4advantage of what life has to offer.拥有生命的优势
5I'm a mom to these three boys, and if you're a parent like me, you've probably asked yourself我是这三个孩子的妈妈 如果你像我一样是父母 你可能已经问自己
6those very same questions.同样的问题。
7And while I'm sure that every caring parent wants those same things for their children,虽然我相信每个有爱心的父母 都希望孩子得到同样的东西
8I think we're going about it the wrong way.我想我们走错了路
9We want our kids to be happy and successful, so our instinct is to shield them from hurt我们希望我们的孩子快乐成功 所以我们的本能就是保护他们免受伤害
10and disappointment.还有失望
11We worry about their self-esteem, so we praise them for everything.我们担心他们的自尊,所以我们赞扬他们的一切。
12We are concerned about whether or not they fit in, so we indulge them.我们担心他们是否适合,所以我们纵容他们。
13And we don't want them to fail, so we step in and take over.我们不希望他们失败, 所以我们介入并接管。
14And we do all of this in an attempt to curate a perfect life for them.我们做这些都是为了 管理他们完美的生活
15But what we're really doing is raising kids who are afraid to take risks because they但我们真正要做的是抚养孩子 他们害怕冒险,因为他们
16failure, kids who lack the confidence in their ability to figure things out, and then young失败的孩子 缺乏信心 他们的能力 找出事情,然后年轻
17people who are afraid to launch into adulthood.害怕进入成年的人
18More young adults are living at home and for longer stretches, and this was occurring even更多的年轻成年人住在家中,而且时间较长,这种情况甚至发生
19before the pandemic.在疫情发生前
20A Pew Research study found that 52% of young adults are living at home, which is the highestPew研究发现,52%的年轻成年人住在家中,这是最高的。
21percentage since the Great Depression.自大萧条以来的百分比。
22And what we're finding is that young adults are stuck between adolescence and adulthood.而我们发现的是,年轻的成年人被困在青春期和成年之间。
23And that's the generation of people that we're raising.这就是我们培养的一代人。
24And in fact, we hear this in the language that young adults even use when they have事实上,我们听到这种语言 年轻的成年人甚至使用,当他们有
25to make responsible adult decisions.由成年人作出负责任的决定。
26There's a term for it.其有名词.
27Who knows what that is?谁知道那是什么?
28Adulting, yes.成年,是的。
29The practice of behaving in a characteristic of a responsible adult.以负责任的成年人为特征的行为。
30So I am convinced that as parents and caregivers, we are missing out on a great opportunity所以我相信,作为父母和照顾者,我们正错失良机
31to raise kids who are resilient and can take hold of their future, kids who can step outside抚养那些有适应力并能把握未来的孩子, 那些可以走出家门的孩子
32of their comfort zone and do amazing things.他们的舒适地带, 做惊人的事情。
33Now these are skills that are necessary not only for them to lead fulfilling lives and现在这些技能不仅对于他们过上充实的生活和生活是必要的。
34live out their potential, but those are skills that are also necessary for our changing world.这些技能对我们不断变化的世界也是必要的。
35So back to my original question, how do we raise self-reliant kids who have initiative,回到我最初的问题 我们如何培养那些有主动性的自立儿童
36are resilient, and can be problem solvers?有弹性,而且能解决问题?
37I believe we do that by raising kids who can think and act entrepreneurially.我相信我们通过抚养能思考和创业的儿童来做到这一点。
38Kids who have the opportunity or have the skill set to view the world from an entrepreneurial有机会或有能力从企业中看待世界的孩子们
39mindset.心态。
40So let me tell you how I came to this conclusion.所以,让我告诉你我是如何得出这个结论的。
41So for more than 20 years, my work was centered around supporting adult entrepreneurs, providing因此,20多年来,我的工作集中在 支持成年企业家,提供
42them with training and technical assistance and resources to help them start and grow* 通过培训和技术援助及资源帮助她们开始成长;
43their businesses.他们的生意。
44And something I would observe, we'd have two individuals come into our office seeking我所观察到的,我们会有两个人 进入我们的办公室寻求
45assistance.援助活动。
46And on the surface, it appeared that those individuals were at the same level in terms从表面上看,这些人似乎处于同一水平。
47of resources, capabilities, skills, and business acumen.资源、能力、技能和业务敏锐。
48But what we would find is that one individual would take that information and go with it.但我们会发现,一个人会接受这个信息,并随它去。
49And then the other individual would just seem to have trouble really getting traction and然后另一个人 似乎有困难 真正得到牵引和
50getting going.出发
51And what I realized was that it had nothing to do with skill or capability.我意识到这与技能和能力无关。
52What it came down to was the mindset of that individual.由此而来的是这个人的心态。
53And observing this got me thinking, how might I raise my children such that they can view观察这让我想到 我如何抚养我的孩子,让他们能看见
54the world like an entrepreneur, that they would have the courage to step out and to世界就像一个企业家, 他们有勇气走出和
55change the world with an entrepreneurial lens.用创业视角改变世界
56So that set us out, my husband and I, on a 15-year journey to raise entrepreneurial kids.因此,这让我们,我的丈夫和我, 在15年的旅程, 养育创业的孩子。
57And we really saw this come together when my eldest son Silas was nine years old.我长子Silas九岁的时候 我们真的看到了这个
58We had been living here in Maryland for about two years, and my husband was planning to我们在马里兰州住了两年左右 我丈夫打算
59travel back to Colorado to visit his mother.回到科罗拉多去看他的母亲
60And so Silas asked me, he said, hey, Mom, can me and my brothers also go with Dad to所以Silas问我,他说,嘿,妈妈,我可以和我的兄弟们也和爸爸去
61visit Grandma?去拜访外婆?
62And I said, well, you know, Silas, four airline tickets were not in the budget, but you can我说 Silas 4张机票不在预算中 但你可以
63go if you can buy your own ticket.如果你能买到自己的票就去
64So he paused for a moment and he said, okay, well, how much are airline tickets?所以他暂停了一会儿 然后说,好吧,那机票多少钱?
65And I said about $300.我说了大约300美元。
66And so his next question, I have to say, it literally blew my mind.所以,他的下一个问题,我不得不说, 它真的让我心碎。
67So he said, okay, can I find free stuff on Craigslist and then resell it?所以他说,好吧,我可以找到免费的东西 在克雷格列表然后转售?
68Yeah, I was like, yeah, you can.是的,我很喜欢,是的,你可以。
69And so then over the course of that summer, that's exactly what he did.所以在那个夏天里,他就是这么做的。
70You know, he would get online and research Craigslist.你知道,他会得到在线 和研究克雷格名单。
71My husband would take him to go pick up those things and then I would help him take pictures我丈夫会带他去捡东西 然后我会帮他拍照
72and post them online.然后在网上发布
73But then he also did some other things that summer.但那个夏天他还做了一些其他的事.
74He hustled.他急着走
75So he he sold and he baked and sold cookies.所以他卖了 然后烤了又卖了饼干
76And then he also washed cars.然后他也洗车。
77And throughout that entire process, my husband and I, we guided him along.在整个过程中,我和我丈夫 一直引导着他
78We were there to coach and encourage him.我们在那里指导并鼓励他。
79But we allowed him to take the lead when it was time for him to make his但是我们让他在时机到来的时候领先
80sales pitch.销售投注.
81You know, we coached him on how to make the pitch.我们教他如何投球
82But when it was time to knock on the doors, he stood forward and we stepped back.但到了敲门的时候,他站着,我们退了一步。
83And that summer, he raised the money.那年夏天,他筹到了钱
84He earned the money to purchase his airline ticket.他挣钱买机票
85And he made a little bit more and he bought me a gift.他多做了一点 他给我买了个礼物
86But, you know, he was thinking about when he bought that gift, it was like me or him.但是,你知道,他在想 当他买了礼物, 它就像我或他。
87I don't know.师曰.
88But think about the confidence that this put in him at nine years old,但想想这让他在9岁时充满信心
89that he could have a big goal and that he could persevere to achieve that goal.他可以有一个大目标,他可以坚持不懈地实现这一目标。
90Amazing.厉害
91But when I share that story with other parents,但当我与其他父母分享这个故事时,
92many of them shake their head and say, you know what?很多人摇头说,你知道吗?
93My kid could never do that because my kids don't have the entrepreneurial gene.我的孩子永远不会这样做 因为我的孩子没有 创业基因。
94Well, being entrepreneurial is not genetic.做企业不是遗传性的
95It is a set of behaviors that can be learned when given the opportunity.这是一种在有机会时可以学到的行为。
96Entrepreneurs are not born.企业家不生.
97The skills and the experiences that cause a person to be entrepreneurial促使一个人创业的技能和经验
98can be taught and it can be nurtured.可以教它,也可以培养它。
99Now, raising entrepreneurial kids is more than just teaching them how to start a现在,养育创业的孩子 不只是教他们如何开始
100business so they can earn money.生意是为了赚钱
101Raising entrepreneurial kids is really about preparing kids for life,养育创业儿童 真正是为了让孩子们为生活做好准备
102equipping them with everything that they need, with the confidence,让他们拥有他们需要的一切 充满信心
103with the ability to speak up, to persevere, to have tenacity,有说话、坚忍、坚忍的能力,
104to bounce back from fear and rejection.从恐惧和排斥中反弹回来
105Those are the things that are required in our world to live to one's potential.这些都是我们世界为了实现自己的潜力而需要的东西。
106So in order for me to learn as much as I could about raising entrepreneurial kids,所以为了让我尽可能多地学习 如何培养创业儿童
107I interviewed dozens of parents and kids to find out what they were doing.我采访了几十个父母和孩子,以了解他们在做什么。
108And so I want to share with you what I learned and I want to share with you five所以我想跟你分享我学到的知识 和与你分享五
109strategies that I'm actually doing with my children and that, honestly,其实我和孩子们一起做的策略 说实话
110I think every parent should be doing with their children to disrupt我觉得每个家长都应该和孩子一起 来扰乱
111our conventional way of parenting.我们传统的养育方式
112So number one, don't give them an allowance.所以,第一,不要给他们补贴。
113That's right, that's what I'm talking about too, yes.对,我也是这么说的,是的
114Don't give them an allowance.别给他们补贴
115Instead, challenge them to start a business to earn their spending money.相反,挑战他们创办企业以赚取开支。
116So this is my boys and this is how one of the ways that they've earned money,这就是他们挣钱的方式之一
117their own spending money is they make bracelets.他们自己花的钱就是做手镯
118And there is no better lesson around the value of a dollar一美元的价值没有更好的教训
119{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}比你们要努力工作才能赚到他们每个人的钱
120And through this process, our kids will learn confidence, financial literacy,通过这个过程,我们的孩子将学习信心, 金融知识,
121public speaking, how to convince people, all skills that are valuable公开演讲,如何说服人 所有有价值的技能
122for the world that we live in.为了我们生活的世界
123So don't give them an allowance.所以别给他们零钱
124The next thing is make them pay for their wants.接下来的事情是让他们 支付他们的需求。
125You know, key to entrepreneurship is about personal responsibility and ownership.创业的关键在于个人责任和所有权。
126And it is amazing how when you put the responsibility on someone else当你把责任推给别人时 真是太神奇了
127to buy that thing that they said they really wanted, kind of shifts a little bit, right?买他们说真的想要的东西, 有点班,对不对?
128It really, really does.痷 痷
129It's no different with the kids.与子无异.
130And so we actually started this quite early with our children.所以,我们开始这个很早 我们的孩子。
131所以当Silas大约四岁的时候,我创造了Daddy Dollars。
132And the boys would earn Daddy Dollars for doing things such as chores,男孩们会挣到爸爸的美元 做家务之类的事
133for exhibiting positive behavior and for also reading books.表现了积极的行为 也读了书
134And Silas actually purchased his first bike from using Daddy Dollars.而Silas实际上从使用Daddy Dollars购买了他的第一辆自行车.
135He had to earn two hundred and fifty Daddy Dollars,他得挣250块爸爸美元
136and that allowed him to purchase his first bike.这样他就能买到第一辆自行车
137Now, yeah, you know, these are not real, real dollars.现在,是的,你知道, 这些不是真实的,真实的美元。
138But to Silas, that experience of working hard to earn that money但对Silas来说 努力挣钱的经验
139and to buy that bike was a very real experience for him.买那辆自行车对他来说是非常真实的经验
140Also, in 2019, our family decided to take a trip to Tanzania.另外,在2019年,我们的家人决定去坦桑尼亚旅行.
141And so, you know, the boys were really excited about it.所以,你知道,男孩们真的很兴奋。
142And I said, now, if you want to go to Tanzania, your dad and I are going.我说,现在, 如果你想去坦桑尼亚, 你爸爸和我要去。
143But if you want to go to Tanzania, you know what you got to do?但如果你想去坦桑尼亚 你知道该怎么做吗?
144What do you think I told them?你觉得我告诉他们什么了?
145They're going to have to buy their own airline ticket.他们得自己买机票
146Yes.对
147Now, the tickets to Tanzania were not cheap.现在,去坦桑尼亚的机票不便宜。
148They were nine hundred dollars a piece.一块九百块
149Yeah.对
150Check this out.看看这个。
151This is what I just love, was when I told the boys这就是我所爱的 当我告诉孩子们
152that they were going to have to buy their own ticket, Silas remembering back他们必须自己买票 Silas记得
153to what he had done when he was about nine years old.当他九岁的时候他做了什么
154He said to his brothers, that's easy.他对兄弟们说,这很简单。
155Don't worry about it.别着急
156I'll show you how to do it.师示众曰.
157Yeah.对
158And sure enough,当然
159they worked hard over several months and they did just that.几个月来他们很努力地工作 他们就是这样做的
160They were able to earn enough money by selling their bracelets卖了手镯就赚够了钱
161that I showed you earlier.我之前给你看的
162And they all were able to go with their parents to Tanzania.他们都能跟父母去坦桑尼亚
163So I would encourage you to make your kids pay for the things所以我鼓励你让你的孩子为这些东西付出代价
164that they say they want.他们说他们想要。
165The next is to reduce their prosperity.接下来是减少他们的繁荣。
166Now, let's admit it.现在,让我们承认这一点。
167Kids today have a lot of stuff.今天的孩子有很多东西
168Right.对
169And when you think about it,当你想到它,
170I understand this need and this desire as parents to want to give our kids我理解这个需要 和这个愿望 作为父母想要给我们的孩子
171experiences and things that maybe we did not have when we were children.我们小时候可能没有的经验和事物。
172But when we choose a parenting style of overindulging our children但是,当我们选择了 养育孩子的风格 过度诱惑我们的孩子
173by providing them with too much,以过分供给他们,
174too soon, for too long, with no effort on their part,时间太长了,没有努力
175what we do is actually raise young people who are self-centered and entitled.我们要做的是培养那些以自我为中心和有资格的年轻人。
176And so when we instead in the 1700s,所以,当我们在1700年代,
177it's interesting because Frederick Douglass made a statement这很有趣 因为弗雷德里克道格拉斯做了一个声明
178that I thought was profound even in the 1700s,我认为即使在1700年代也是很深刻的
179because we're dealing with it today.因为我们今天正在处理它。
180And he said, if you wish to make your son helpless,他说 如果你想让你儿子无助
181you need not cripple him with a bullet or a bludgeon,你不必用子弹或棍棒打他
182but simply place him beyond the reach of necessity但只是把他 超出必要的范围
183and surround him with luxury and ease.并且以优容和优容包围他。
184Still true today.今天还是真的
185Steve Jobs in a speech to some grad to graduate in a graduation speechSteve Jobs在毕业演讲中 发表毕业演讲
186told the graduates to stay hungry.告诉毕业生继续挨饿。
187And what we love about entrepreneurs is their hustle.我们最爱的是企业家的动作
188And oftentimes that hustle is rooted in a hunger for something.时常,这种诡计植根于对某种事物的渴望。
189But if our kids never want for anything,但如果我们的孩子什么都不想要
190what's going to motivate them to take action?是什么能激励他们采取行动?
191So I encourage you to reduce your kids prosperity.所以我鼓励你减少你的孩子的繁荣。
192Next is to let them be delight directed.接下来是让他们快乐地引导。
193Entrepreneurs are lifelong learners.企业家是终身学习者。
194They learn to do, not simply to know.他们学会这样做,而不是简单地知道。
195And when we encourage our children to seek out learning当我们鼓励我们的孩子去学习
196for the things that they are most interested in,因为他们最关心的事,
197they become learners who seek to learn to do because they're teaching themselves他们成为学习者 试图学习 这样做,因为他们自己教
198as opposed to just simply pouring in information,而不是仅仅在信息中注入,
199which is sometimes what we get in our education system.这有时是我们在教育系统得到的东西。
200And so this is my my son, Isaiah.这是我的儿子以赛亚
201His delight is drawing.他的快乐就是画画
202And so he spends hours drawing and he seeks out classes,所以他花了几个小时画画 并寻找课程,
203teach him how to draw.教他画画.
204And he was recently awarded他最近被授予
205an award by the Smithsonian Museum of African Art for creating.史密森尼非洲艺术博物馆颁发的奖项
206Thank you.谢谢
207Yeah, this superhero是啊,这个超级英雄
208from looking at a piece of art in the museum.从看博物馆的艺术品。
209And he designed this.他设计了这个。
210But now Isaiah is designing logos for people.但现在以赛亚正在为人们设计标志.
211So now he's yeah, I love it.所以现在他喜欢了,我喜欢
212So so give them room and space to follow their delights.故你应当给他们空间和空间,以便他们顺从他们的喜悦。
213And then lastly, let them solve their own problems.最后,让他们解决自己的问题。
214Entrepreneurs are problem solvers.企业家是解决问题的人。
215And as parents, it is our natural instinct to want to step in作为父母 我们的本能是想介入
216and help our kids solve their problems.帮助我们的孩子解决他们的问题。
217But when we do that all the time,但是,当我们这样做 所有的时间,
218we kind of squelch the potential that they have我们压制他们的潜力
219to discover new things about themselves, new capabilities that they might have.发现他们自己的新事物, 他们可能拥有的新能力。
220It squelches their ability to go out and find the answers for themselves.它压制了他们出去为自己找到答案的能力.
221So I want you to think about those five things所以我要你想想这五件事
222as you begin to raise up young people.当你开始培养年轻人。
223And yeah, you know what?对,你知道吗?
224It's very likely that my boys很可能我的孩子们
225may not choose business ownership when they grow up.长大后不得选择企业所有权。
226And that's OK, because rather whether a child chooses没关系,因为孩子是否选择
227to build a company or become an employee, it doesn't matter建立公司或成为员工,这不重要
228because every kid needs to learn how to think like an entrepreneur.因为每个孩子都需要学会如何像企业家一样思考
229And the sooner we do this, as parents create an environment at home我们越早这样做,因为父母在家中创造环境
230where they have the opportunity in multiple occasions他们有机会在多个场合
231to challenge their beliefs about what's possible within them挑战他们的信仰 关于什么是可能的
232to step outside of their comfort zone, to take risks,走出他们的舒适地带, 冒险,
233to learn from failure, to bounce back from rejection,从失败中学习 从拒绝中反弹
234then the sooner we'll put them on the path of living out their potential然后,我们越早地让他们 走上他们的潜力。
235to lead very fulfilling and successful lives.过着充满满足感和成功的生活
236Thank you.谢谢
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