TED演讲：性教育应该从“同意”开始
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:05 | Seems like only yesterday, my mother said to me, | 好像就在昨天 我妈妈对我说 |
| 0:09 | the ugliest thing in the world is a naked man with socks on. | 世界上最丑的是裸男 穿着袜子 |
| 0:18 | Can you believe that was the first piece of sex advice I ever received? | 你能相信那是我第一次收到性建议吗? |
| 0:23 | I was 11 years old, growing up in Kenya. | 我当时11岁,在肯尼亚长大。 |
| 0:26 | And I believe this might have been my mother's way | 我相信这可能是我妈妈的方式 |
| 0:29 | of trying to scare me out of having intimate relationships with men. | 试图吓唬我 与男人有亲密的关系。 |
| 0:34 | It didn't. | 它没有。 |
| 0:36 | Instead, I became fascinated by sex. | 相反,我变得对性感兴趣。 |
| 0:40 | I wanted to hear other people's stories about sex | 我想听别人关于性的故事 |
| 0:43 | and watch all the movies with all the sex scenes. | 并观看所有电影 与所有的性场景。 |
展开字幕全文（167 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Seems like only yesterday, my mother said to me, | 好像就在昨天 我妈妈对我说 |
| 2 | the ugliest thing in the world is a naked man with socks on. | 世界上最丑的是裸男 穿着袜子 |
| 3 | Can you believe that was the first piece of sex advice I ever received? | 你能相信那是我第一次收到性建议吗? |
| 4 | I was 11 years old, growing up in Kenya. | 我当时11岁,在肯尼亚长大。 |
| 5 | And I believe this might have been my mother's way | 我相信这可能是我妈妈的方式 |
| 6 | of trying to scare me out of having intimate relationships with men. | 试图吓唬我 与男人有亲密的关系。 |
| 7 | It didn't. | 它没有。 |
| 8 | Instead, I became fascinated by sex. | 相反,我变得对性感兴趣。 |
| 9 | I wanted to hear other people's stories about sex | 我想听别人关于性的故事 |
| 10 | and watch all the movies with all the sex scenes. | 并观看所有电影 与所有的性场景。 |
| 11 | Everything about this very taboo subject was so intriguing to me. | 关于这个禁忌话题的一切 都让我很感兴趣 |
| 12 | Well, now my mom's gone, nine years this year. | 好了,现在我妈妈走了, 今年9年。 |
| 13 | And true to her word, | 并忠实于她的话, |
| 14 | the ugliest thing in the world is a naked man with socks on. | 世界上最丑的是裸男 穿着袜子 |
| 15 | But over time, I have found things to be far much uglier. | 但随着时间的推移,我发现 事情更丑。 |
| 16 | It took me a ton of therapy | 花了我一吨的治疗 |
| 17 | to realize that my fixation with sex was due to a traumatized childhood. | 我对性爱的迷恋 是因为童年受了创伤 |
| 18 | See, I was sexually assaulted when I was eight years old. | 我八岁时被性侵犯了 |
| 19 | And I never told anybody. | 我从来没有告诉任何人。 |
| 20 | Because even in my comedic sex advice household, | 因为即使在我的喜剧性咨询家庭, |
| 21 | I still didn't learn about consent, | 我还没有得知同意, |
| 22 | and I was afraid. | 我当时很害怕 |
| 23 | Afraid that I would get into trouble, | 怕我惹上麻烦 |
| 24 | afraid that it was my fault or that nobody would believe me, | 害怕这是我的错 或者没人会相信我 |
| 25 | or worse still, | 或者更糟的是, |
| 26 | afraid that my parents would ground me forever. | 怕我父母永远把我打倒 |
| 27 | And I'm not alone. | 我也不是一个人 |
| 28 | Men sexually assault women and girls on a massive rate in Kenya, | 在肯尼亚,男子对妇女和女孩的性侵犯率很高, |
| 29 | where 45 percent of women aged between 15 and 49 | 占15至49岁妇女45% |
| 30 | have reported either physical or sexual violence. | 报告有身体暴力或性暴力。 |
| 31 | Actually, only 14 percent have reported sexual violence. | 实际上,只有14%的人报告了性暴力。 |
| 32 | And this is possibly because most of this violence | 这可能是因为 大部分这种暴力 |
| 33 | happens in domestic partnerships, | 发生在家庭伴侣关系中, |
| 34 | where the perpetrator is known by the victim. | (a) 受害人知道行为人的地方。 |
| 35 | And these patterns play out all around the world. | 这些模式在世界各地都有所体现。 |
| 36 | And I truly believe that it's a lack of sex education in schools | 我真的相信 学校缺乏性教育 |
| 37 | that is partially to blame. | 这部分责任。 |
| 38 | Back home, the education system | 回国后,教育系统 |
| 39 | is one of destroying your relationship with self, | 就是破坏你和自我的关系 |
| 40 | shaming you for your discovery | 羞辱你的发现 |
| 41 | and then praising you for how much you conform. | 然后称赞你遵守了多少 |
| 42 | This, coupled with disturbing imagery of ailing genitals, | 再加上阴茎发病的画面 |
| 43 | is aimed at teaching us one thing, | 目的是教我们一件事, |
| 44 | to abstain from all sexual activity, | 避免一切性活动, |
| 45 | the perfect puritanical society. | 完美的清教徒社会 |
| 46 | But of course, young people are still having sex. | 当然,年轻人还在做爱。 |
| 47 | They just don't understand the consequences of their adult-like choices. | 他们只是不明白自己成人般的选择的后果. |
| 48 | This, too, was my experience. | 这也是我的经验。 |
| 49 | I had zero resources growing up | 我从小没有资源 |
| 50 | and unfortunately often found myself in less-than-favorable situations | 不幸地,我常常发现自己 处境不理想 |
| 51 | as a teen and a young adult. | 作为一个十几岁和年轻的成年人。 |
| 52 | Add onto that coming out as a queer woman | 加上这个 出来作为一个同性恋女人 |
| 53 | in a very homophobic country, | 在一个非常仇视同性恋的国家, |
| 54 | my therapist once jokingly said that I needed to pick a struggle. | 我的治疗师曾开玩笑地说 我需要挑一个斗争。 |
| 55 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 56 | All of this is to say, | 所有这一切都是说, |
| 57 | I really want to create a better transition process for young people, | 我真的想为年轻人创造一个更好的转变过程, |
| 58 | because I truly believe | 因为我真的相信 |
| 59 | that the more we talk about sex, | 我们谈论性越多, |
| 60 | the safer and the better it'll be for everybody. | 越安全越好 对每个人都有好处 |
| 61 | So in 2016, I started a sex-positive podcast | 所以在2016年 我开始一个性阳性播客 |
| 62 | called The Spread, | 叫做"散开" |
| 63 | targeted at a Pan-African audience. | 以泛非受众为目标。 |
| 64 | I really wanted to create a safe space | 我真的很想创造一个安全的空间 |
| 65 | where young people could openly talk about different aspects of their sexuality | 年轻人可以公开谈论性的不同方面 |
| 66 | without feelings of shame or judgment. | 没有羞耻感和判断感 |
| 67 | And it turns out people love to talk about sex. | 结果人们喜欢谈论性 |
| 68 | (*Laughter*) | (* 笑声*) |
| 69 | And I've had the great pleasure and honor | 我很荣幸和荣幸 |
| 70 | of answering a myriad of these questions about sex on my podcast, | 解答我播客上无数关于性的问题 |
| 71 | such as, | 例如, |
| 72 | My boyfriend says that if we have sex and it's my first time end without a condom, | 我的男朋友说,如果我们有性行为 这是我第一次结束 没有避孕套, |
| 73 | that I won't get pregnant. | 我不会怀孕 |
| 74 | Is this true? | 这是真的吗? |
| 75 | Of course it's not true. | 当然不是 |
| 76 | Having sex without a condom poses great risk of not only getting pregnant | 没有保险套的性爱不仅有怀孕的极大风险 |
| 77 | but contracting STIs. | 但感染性传染疾病。 |
| 78 | Or, I watch too much porn and I'm no longer aroused by my partner. | 或者,我看太多色情片 我不再被我的搭档激起。 |
| 79 | Am I broken? | 我断了吗? |
| 80 | No, you're not broken. | 不,你没断 |
| 81 | But too much porn can desensitize you from real-life pleasures. | 但是过多的色情片可以让你从现实生活中的乐趣中失去敏锐感. |
| 82 | Or, I'm 24 years old and my friends make fun of me because I'm a virgin. | 或者,我24岁,我的朋友们嘲笑我,因为我是处女. |
| 83 | Should I have sex just to gain popularity? | 我是不是应该做爱才对? |
| 84 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 85 | First of all, virginity is a social construct. | 首先,贞操是一种社会结构。 |
| 86 | And I think you should have your sexual debut | 我想你应该有 你的性初次 |
| 87 | (*Applause*) | (*鼓掌*) |
| 88 | thank you, | 谢谢 |
| 89 | when you're good and ready to. | 等你准备好的时候 |
| 90 | A lot of the time, we have a lot of fun on the podcast, honestly. | 很多时候,我们有很多乐趣 在播客,说实话。 |
| 91 | But sometimes it does get a little bit serious, | 但有时会变得有点严重 |
| 92 | especially when it comes to one topic in particular, | 特别是当涉及一个专题时, |
| 93 | consent. | 同意书。 |
| 94 | These are some of the questions I receive. | 这些是我收到的一些问题。 |
| 95 | My husband insists on having sex with me even when I don't want to. | 我丈夫坚持要和我做爱 即使我不想 |
| 96 | I've relayed my concerns. | 我已经转达了我的关切。 |
| 97 | He always responds with, | 他总是回应, |
| 98 | You're my wife, it's your place to do so. | 你是我的妻子,这是你这样做的地方。 |
| 99 | How do I prevent this from happening? | 我该如何防止这种情况发生? |
| 100 | Or, I went out last night and woke up this morning | 或者,我昨晚出去 今天早上醒来 |
| 101 | next to the guy that was chatting me up. | 旁边那个跟我说话的家伙 |
| 102 | I have no idea what happened, but I think we had sex. | 我不知道发生了什么,但我想我们做爱了。 |
| 103 | What should I do? | 我该怎么办? |
| 104 | It's conversations like these that reinforce the fact | 正是这种对话强化了事实 |
| 105 | that people don't have the first clue how to talk about consent. | 人们没有第一线索 如何谈论同意。 |
| 106 | So it's become my life's work | 所以这成了我一生的工作 |
| 107 | to create a curriculum to educate young people on consent. | 制定课程,教育年轻人如何表示同意。 |
| 108 | Now, the inspiration for this might surprise you, | 现在,这个灵感 可能会令你惊讶, |
| 109 | but I got it in my 30s after a visit to a BDSM dungeon. | 但我30多岁时就拿到它了 之前我去过BDSM地牢 |
| 110 | For those of you that don't know, | 对于那些不知道的人来说 |
| 111 | BDSM is a series of practices in erotic role play | BDSM是一系列色情角色扮演中的做法 |
| 112 | that involve bondage, discipline, dominance and submission | 奴役、纪律、统治和屈服 |
| 113 | and sadomasochism. | 和虐待狂。 |
| 114 | Now, I know, a lot of people have a lot of misleading information | 我知道,很多人 有很多误导信息 |
| 115 | 关于BDSM社区, | |
| 116 | but more often than not, | 但更经常的是, |
| 117 | we create and curate safe spaces | 我们创造并管理安全空间 |
| 118 | with an array of toys and items for the kinky community to play with, | 和一系列玩具和物品 让古怪的社区玩, |
| 119 | if they so please. | 如果是这样,请。 |
| 120 | It's like a playground for adults. | 犹如成人游乐场. |
| 121 | In BDSM, everything is negotiated before it happens, | 在BDSM中,一切都是在事发前谈判的, |
| 122 | and these are some of the rules and regulations | 这些是一些规则和条例 |
| 123 | that would greet you upon entry. | 那会欢迎你进入。 |
| 124 | One, do not touch anyone without asking. | 一,不问就不要碰任何人. |
| 125 | Even a hug if you don't know somebody is a bad move without permission. | 哪怕是拥抱,如果你不知道 有人是一个不好的举动,没有允许。 |
| 126 | Two, do not touch anyone's toys without permission. | 二,未经批准不得碰任何人的玩具. |
| 127 | If you're not sure if something is a toy, ask. | 如果你不确定什么是玩具 那就问吧 |
| 128 | Three, consent can be withdrawn at any time during an activity. | 三,在活动期间,可以随时撤回同意. |
| 129 | And my personal favorite, | 我个人最喜欢的 |
| 130 | if consent is not given, | 如果没有得到同意, |
| 131 | do not ask again. | 不要再问了 |
| 132 | Accept and respect and know as graciously as you would a yes. | 接受并尊重你 并如愿以偿 |
| 133 | Now, in no way am I interested in teaching children BDSM, | 我一点也不有兴趣教孩子们BDSM |
| 134 | but BDSM, a community that is created strictly for adults, | 但BDSM,一个完全为成年人创建的社区, |
| 135 | that people view as shameful and dangerous, | 人们觉得羞耻和危险, |
| 136 | has better guidelines for learning about consent | 有更好的准则来了解同意 |
| 137 | than many homes or schools in many parts of the world. | 比世界上许多地方的很多家或学校。 |
| 138 | And like you've heard, these rules aren't specifically sexual, | 正如你所听说的 这些规则不是特别的性 |
| 139 | but they can apply to sex. | 但是它们可以适用于性。 |
| 140 | I truly think that the strategy | 我真的认为这个策略 |
| 141 | to raising adults with healthy sexual behaviors | 以健康的性行为抚养成人 |
| 142 | is to first teach kids about consent, | 首先要教会孩子们同意 |
| 143 | like super early, | 像超级早, |
| 144 | way before sex is even a topic of conversation. | 性爱之前甚至是一个话题 谈话。 |
| 145 | Can you imagine having conversations with kids | 你能想象和孩子们谈话吗? |
| 146 | and letting them know | 让他们知道 |
| 147 | that everything about their bodies can be negotiated? | 他们身上的一切可以谈判? |
| 148 | For example, let them decide who they want to help them during bath time. | 例如,让他们决定在洗澡时要帮助谁. |
| 149 | Or tell them that they don't have to accept that kiss on the cheek from grandma. | 或者告诉他们他们不用接受奶奶的吻 |
| 150 | Or tell them that they have to ask for permission | 或者告诉他们他们必须请求许可 |
| 151 | before they play with somebody else's toy truck. | 在他们玩别人的玩具卡车之前 |
| 152 | And let them know that they can say, | 让他们知道他们能说: |
| 153 | actually, my pronouns are they them, | 实际上,我的代名词是他们, |
| 154 | without feeling guilty. | 不觉得内疚。 |
| 155 | It's these tools that will help keep our children safe | 这些工具能帮助我们的孩子安全 |
| 156 | and respect people throughout their lives. | 并尊重人们一生。 |
| 157 | We have the power to shape the future. | 我们有能力塑造未来。 |
| 158 | The solutions are simple. | 解决办法很简单。 |
| 159 | It's the patriarchy that's so damn difficult. | 父权制太难了 |
| 160 | So let's engage five, six or eight-year-olds | 所以,让我们与五,六或八岁的孩子接触 |
| 161 | on conversation around consent and bodily autonomy. | 有关同意和身体自主的对话 |
| 162 | As a function of affirming their humanity, | 作为申明其人性的职能, |
| 163 | which in turn can look like adults having safe, healthy, pleasurable | 转而看起来像成年人 安全、健康、愉快 |
| 164 | and fun sex. | 和有趣的性爱。 |
| 165 | Because consent isn't just about sex. | 因为同意不仅仅是性 |
| 166 | It's first about communication and relationships. | 首先是沟通和关系. |
| 167 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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