TED演讲：为何儿童在遭受性暴力后保持沉默
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | A few weeks ago, I sat down with my mother and told her something that I had been keeping | 几周前,我和我妈坐下 告诉她一些我一直保存的东西 |
| 0:10 | from her for 22 years. | 从她22年。 |
| 0:13 | From the time that I was 14 years old until I was 16, I was sexually assaulted. | 从14岁到16岁,我受到性侵犯。 |
| 0:22 | It was scary and confusing. | 这是可怕的和混乱的。 |
| 0:26 | It was humiliating. | 这是羞辱。 |
| 0:29 | And even though I can genuinely say that my mom and I have always had a close relationship, | 虽然我可以真心地说 我妈妈和我一直有亲密的关系, |
| 0:35 | I never told her. | 我没告诉她 |
| 0:37 | Even with recent movements bringing the topics of sexual abuse and sexual assault into mainstream | 即使最近一些运动将性虐待和性攻击专题纳入主流 |
| 0:42 | conversation, I stayed silent. | 谈话,我保持沉默。 |
| 0:46 | And I guarantee that for every brave soul who said, me too, there were countless others | 我敢保证,对于每一个勇敢的灵魂 谁说,我也,还有无数其他人 |
展开字幕全文（159 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | A few weeks ago, I sat down with my mother and told her something that I had been keeping | 几周前,我和我妈坐下 告诉她一些我一直保存的东西 |
| 2 | from her for 22 years. | 从她22年。 |
| 3 | From the time that I was 14 years old until I was 16, I was sexually assaulted. | 从14岁到16岁,我受到性侵犯。 |
| 4 | It was scary and confusing. | 这是可怕的和混乱的。 |
| 5 | It was humiliating. | 这是羞辱。 |
| 6 | And even though I can genuinely say that my mom and I have always had a close relationship, | 虽然我可以真心地说 我妈妈和我一直有亲密的关系, |
| 7 | I never told her. | 我没告诉她 |
| 8 | Even with recent movements bringing the topics of sexual abuse and sexual assault into mainstream | 即使最近一些运动将性虐待和性攻击专题纳入主流 |
| 9 | conversation, I stayed silent. | 谈话,我保持沉默。 |
| 10 | And I guarantee that for every brave soul who said, me too, there were countless others | 我敢保证,对于每一个勇敢的灵魂 谁说,我也,还有无数其他人 |
| 11 | who didn't, who still haven't. | 谁没有,谁还没有。 |
| 12 | Why didn't those people speak up earlier? | 为什么那些人不早点说? |
| 13 | Why didn't I? | 我为什么不呢? |
| 14 | Because of the shame. | 因甚惭愧. |
| 15 | Because of that feeling inside telling me that what happened to me was my fault. | 因为内心的这种感觉告诉我 我身上发生的事是我的错 |
| 16 | We all hear that voice sometimes. | 我们有时都听到这个声音。 |
| 17 | It tells us things like, you aren't good enough. | 它告诉我们,你不够好。 |
| 18 | You aren't smart enough. | 你不够聪明。 |
| 19 | You can't give a TED Talk. | 你不能给一个TED演讲。 |
| 20 | We hear that voice and it becomes difficult to hear anything else. | 我们听到这个声音,就很难听到其他声音。 |
| 21 | We begin to agonize over what other people will think of us, how they will judge us if | 我们开始纠结别人会怎么看待我们 他们会怎样评判我们 |
| 22 | they found out our darkest secrets. | 他们发现了我们最黑暗的秘密 |
| 23 | Shame is so powerful that it can become part of who we are. | 羞耻是如此强大,可以成为我们的一部分。 |
| 24 | I told my mom what happened to me and one of the first things that she said was, oh, | 我告诉了我妈我的事 和她说的第一件事是,哦, |
| 25 | Kristen, I've been wondering what's been driving you so hard all of these years. | 克莉丝汀,这些年来我一直在想 是什么让你这么辛苦 |
| 26 | She could see it before I could. | 她可以在我之前看到它。 |
| 27 | My shame was so deep rooted that I had overcompensated by trying to be perfect in every other area | 我的耻辱根深蒂固 以至于我过度补偿 试图在每一个领域完美 |
| 28 | of my life, trying to build the perfect family, the perfect career by trying to exhibit control | 试图通过展示控制来建立完美的家庭 完美的事业 |
| 29 | instead of the chaos I felt inside. | 而不是我内心的混乱 |
| 30 | I have been trying my entire life to orchestrate how the world perceives me because inside | 我毕生都在努力整理世界对我的看法 因为内心 |
| 31 | I haven't felt good enough. | 我感觉不够好 |
| 32 | She always said that I burned the candle at both ends and now she knew why. | 她总是说我烧了两端的蜡烛 现在她知道了原因 |
| 33 | Some people may be more prone to shame than others, but sexual abuse doesn't discriminate. | 有些人可能比其他人更容易感到羞耻,但性虐待并不歧视. |
| 34 | It has the ability to make even the most confident of us think painful negative thoughts. | 它有能力使我们最有信心的人思考痛苦的负面想法。 |
| 35 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 36 | Because it takes away control over the one thing in this life that is supposed to be | 因为它夺走了对人生中唯一应该有的事物的控制 |
| 37 | truly and entirely our own, our bodies. | 真正和完全 我们自己的,我们的身体。 |
| 38 | I've been haunted by one thought since my experience first began, as I tried to make | 自从我的经历开始以来,我一直被一个想法困扰着, 因为我试图做 |
| 39 | sense of what happened to me, I thought to myself, this is all my fault. | 感觉我发生了什么事,我想, 这都是我的错。 |
| 40 | I didn't say no good enough. | 我没说不够好 |
| 41 | Next time, I'll say no better. | 下次,我会说没有更好的。 |
| 42 | I've questioned why that was my go-to response and why my shame was so deep and heavy that | 我问为什么那是我的回答 为什么我的羞愧如此深重 |
| 43 | it paralyzed me from speaking my truth for so long. | 它使我无法说出真相 这么久。 |
| 44 | And now that I'm the parent of two amazing children, I constantly wonder what I can do | 现在我是两个神奇孩子的家长, 我一直想着我能做些什么 |
| 45 | and what we can all do as a society to get ahead of the shame and instead empower our | 以及我们作为一个社会所能做的 以超越耻辱 而不是赋予我们权力 |
| 46 | children to know without a doubt that sexual abuse isn't their fault. | 孩子们应该知道性虐待不是他们的错 |
| 47 | Dr. Brené Brown, who has done incredible research around shame and vulnerability, calls | Brené Brown博士,他做了令人难以置信的 关于羞耻和弱势的研究, |
| 48 | shame the most powerful master emotion. | 羞愧最强大的主情感。 |
| 49 | And I couldn't agree more. | 我完全同意这一点。 |
| 50 | Shame has the power to make kids who have been sexually assaulted or in some other way | 羞耻有力量让被性侵犯或以其他方式 |
| 51 | victimized by adults turn in on themselves and experience intense internal pain. | 受成人伤害的人自首,并遭受严重的内痛。 |
| 52 | But think about that. | 但是考虑一下 |
| 53 | Isn't that incredibly unfair? | 这不公平吗? |
| 54 | Haven't we failed as a society when the end result is a child feeling shame? | 难道我们作为一个社会失败了吗? 当最终的结果是孩子感到羞愧时? |
| 55 | Shouldn't it be the perpetrators? | 不应该是凶手吗? |
| 56 | Shouldn't they be ashamed of what they've done? | 他们不该为自己的行为感到羞耻吗? |
| 57 | Instead they prey on the shame of children and manipulate them into thinking that what | 相反,他们利用儿童的耻辱,操纵他们思考什么 |
| 58 | happened is their fault. | 发生是他们的错。 |
| 59 | The person who violated me fed my shame and I played right into it, becoming a knot of | 侵犯我的人让我感到羞耻 而我却在其中扮演了正确的角色 成为了一个结 |
| 60 | tortured silence for many years. | 折磨了多年的沉默 |
| 61 | But is that shame also my fault? | 可惜也是我的错吗? |
| 62 | Not as a victim but as a parent who like so many of us has unthinkingly said things to | 不是受害者 而是喜欢我们这么多人的父母 |
| 63 | my children like, don't let anyone touch you, don't let anyone hurt you, don't put yourself | 我的孩子喜欢, 不要让任何人碰你, 不要让任何人伤害你, 不要把自己 |
| 64 | in situations where you can become a victim. | 在你可以成为受害者的情况下 |
| 65 | As parents we believe that we're empowering our children to take ownership of their bodies | 作为父母,我们相信 我们正在赋予我们的孩子 拥有自己的身体 |
| 66 | but when we say don't let anyone touch you, what we're really saying is you are responsible | 但是,当我们说不要让任何人碰你, 我们真正要说的是,你有责任 |
| 67 | for the actions of somebody else. | 为了别人的行为 |
| 68 | We're treating this subject like it's something children can control which is unrealistic | 我们对待这个话题就像孩子能控制的东西 是不现实的 |
| 69 | and are in turn creating a sense of false responsibility in the mind of a child. | 进而在孩子的脑海中制造一种虚假的责任感。 |
| 70 | An internal narrative that tells them it is their job to stop bad things from happening. | 一个内部叙事 告诉他们他们的工作是阻止坏事发生 |
| 71 | That they as children are responsible for stopping the actions of someone who is usually | 他们作为孩子 有责任阻止某人的行动 |
| 72 | bigger, stronger and older than they are. | 比他们大,强壮和老。 |
| 73 | I heard a message that I should have been able to stop what was happening to me and | 我听到一个信息,我应该已经 能够阻止发生在我身上, |
| 74 | that made me blame myself. | 这让我自责。 |
| 75 | I developed and then believed the idea that I had done something wrong. | 我发展了,然后相信 我做错了什么。 |
| 76 | I constantly wonder if I'm unintentionally setting the same traps for my children. | 我总是在想我是否无意中为我的孩子设置同样的陷阱. |
| 77 | I'm not wrong for wanting to keep my kids safe but I might be wrong for inadvertently | 想要保护我的孩子,我并不错 但我可能错在无意中 |
| 78 | telling them the same sorts of things that I believed as a child. | 告诉他们我小时候相信的一样的东西 |
| 79 | That I could prevent someone from taking advantage of me by saying no and therefore if my no | 我可以阻止别人利用我 说不,所以如果我不 |
| 80 | didn't work that it was my fault. | 不工作,这是我的错。 |
| 81 | As a survivor I want to tell them now what I longed to hear then. | 作为一个幸存者,我现在想告诉他们,我想听到什么。 |
| 82 | That there is nothing you can do to prevent yourself from being taken advantage of by | 你无法阻止自己被利用 |
| 83 | someone who should know better. | 应该更清楚的人 |
| 84 | But at the same time I want them to believe they have the power to stop someone from taking | 但与此同时,我希望他们相信 他们有能力阻止别人带走 |
| 85 | advantage of them. | 他们的优势。 |
| 86 | I want them to feel ownership of their bodies. | 我希望他们能感觉到对身体的所有权。 |
| 87 | I want to tell my kids that I can protect them and I want to believe that. | 我想告诉孩子们我可以保护他们 我想相信这一点 |
| 88 | But buried beneath all those good intentions and motherly instincts is that same shame. | 但埋藏在这些善意和母性的本能之下 也是同样的耻辱 |
| 89 | If I tell my kids that there's something they can do to prevent sexual assault doesn't | 如果我告诉我的孩子们 他们有办法防止性攻击 |
| 90 | that mean that there's something that I could have done? | 意思是,我可以做点什么? |
| 91 | We teach our children to say no. | 我们教我们的孩子说不。 |
| 92 | I said no every time and I quickly learned that no doesn't always work. | 我每次都说不,我很快得知,没有总是工作。 |
| 93 | That doesn't mean that saying no is the wrong idea just that it's not a solution. | 这并不意味着说"不"是错误的想法 只是它不是一个解决方案。 |
| 94 | This is a scary concept to talk about but it's a reality that we have to face and be | 这是一个可怕的概念 谈论,但它是一个现实 我们必须面对和成为 |
| 95 | honest about with our children. | 诚实地谈论我们的孩子。 |
| 96 | The more that I said no the more I prolonged the inevitable. | 我越是说不,我越是延长了不可避免的时间。 |
| 97 | It got to the point where I felt that if I just gave in and got it over with at least | 到了那个地步,我觉得 如果我只是屈服 并得到了它至少 |
| 98 | I would have some peace until whenever the next time would be. | 我会得到一些平静,直到下一次。 |
| 99 | That made me feel like a failure. | 这让我觉得自己是个失败者。 |
| 100 | I felt all sense of power I had over the situation slip away and any grand illusions of fixing | 我感觉我对局势的所有权力感 都消失了 和任何伟大的幻想 |
| 101 | what had happened only compounded the guilt and the shame that I felt for not being strong | 发生的一切使我感到愧疚和羞愧 |
| 102 | enough to stop my abuse. | 足够阻止我的虐待 |
| 103 | Now I felt guilty for being weak. | 现在我对软弱感到内疚 |
| 104 | I felt guilty for being scared. | 我因为害怕而感到内疚 |
| 105 | I was supposed to be stronger. | 我本该更坚强的 |
| 106 | I was supposed to say no better. | 我应该说没有更好的。 |
| 107 | My no was supposed to be enough. | 我不该这样 |
| 108 | Now instead I try to tell my kids that if something bad happens to them it's not because | 现在,我试着告诉我的孩子们, 如果他们出了什么坏事,那不是因为 |
| 109 | they didn't prevent it nor is it on their shoulders alone to say no. | 他们没有阻止它, 也不单靠肩膀说不。 |
| 110 | Although it feels like it sexual assault doesn't occur in a vacuum. | 虽然感觉性攻击不是在真空中发生的. |
| 111 | It is enabled every single day by how our society misrepresents and conditions us to | 我们的社会每天都在歪曲事实和条件 |
| 112 | think about sexual violence. | 想想性暴力 |
| 113 | The gender norms and systemic misogyny that are ever present. | 曾经存在的性别规范和系统性厌恶女性现象。 |
| 114 | The victimization of victims and so much more. | 受害者受害的更多 |
| 115 | It is not just an individual problem. | 这不仅仅是个人问题。 |
| 116 | Especially when some studies show that as many as one in four girls and one in thirteen | 特别是有些研究显示,每四个女孩中就有一人,13人中就有一人 |
| 117 | boys experience sexual abuse at some point during childhood. | 男孩在童年时期的某个时候遭受性虐待。 |
| 118 | And that means it's not just on individuals to solve it. | 这就意味着不仅仅由个人来解决。 |
| 119 | So of course while I try to teach my kids about strength and resilience and persevering | 当然,当我试着教我的孩子 力量和韧性以及坚持 |
| 120 | and overcoming obstacles. | 并克服障碍。 |
| 121 | I make sure that they know strength doesn't mean facing challenges or dark feelings alone. | 我确保他们知道力量不意味着独自面对挑战或黑暗的感情. |
| 122 | In fact there's strength in numbers and strength in asking for help. | 事实上,求救的实力和实力都有. |
| 123 | I was ashamed to speak up for fear of appearing weak but what I learned is talking about what | 我很羞愧地说出来,因为害怕显得软弱 但我学到的就是谈论什么 |
| 124 | happened to me only made me stronger. | 发生在我身上只会让我更坚强 |
| 125 | It made my shame start to dissipate. | 它让我的耻辱开始消散。 |
| 126 | I teach my kids about courage and I want them to know that courageous strong people ask | 我教孩子们勇气 我想让他们知道 勇敢的坚强的人会问 |
| 127 | for help. | 寻求帮助。 |
| 128 | I remember when I was little my parents would walk me to the bus stop. | 我记得小时候我父母会陪我去车站 |
| 129 | They said it was to keep me safe and I believed that. | 他们说是为了保护我的安全,我相信这一点。 |
| 130 | I remember always looking out for that white van that I'd been warned about. | 我记得我一直留意着那辆白色的面包车 我被警告过 |
| 131 | But like over 90% of children who are sexually abused I wasn't taken off a street corner | 但像90%以上的儿童 受到性虐待 我并没有被从街角带走 |
| 132 | or abducted from a shopping mall. | 或者在购物中心被绑架 |
| 133 | I was violated by someone I knew. | 我被我认识的人侵犯过 |
| 134 | My parents did everything they could to protect me. | 我父母尽力保护我 |
| 135 | But what none of us realized was the foundation of shame that was building inside when we | 但是,我们没有意识到的是 羞耻的根基 正在建立内部 当我们 |
| 136 | talked about stranger danger and saying no and not becoming a victim. | 谈论陌生人的危险 说不 而不是成为受害者。 |
| 137 | Of course this wasn't intentional. | 当然不是故意的 |
| 138 | They did what all of us want to do as parents. | 他们做了我们所有人想做的父母。 |
| 139 | Imagine that there's something we can do to protect our children from bad things. | 想象一下,我们可以做些什么来保护我们的孩子免受坏事的伤害. |
| 140 | But the fact is we can't. | 但事实是,我们不能。 |
| 141 | And we can't solve the problem of sexual assault by shifting all of the blame onto victims | 我们无法解决性攻击问题 把全部责任都归咎于受害者 |
| 142 | or potential victims or even our loved ones. | 或潜在的受害者 甚至我们的亲人 |
| 143 | The blame 100% is with the perpetrators. | 100%的责任在于肇事者。 |
| 144 | And pretending that it lies anywhere else not only allows those who commit assault | 假装它躺在别的地方 不仅允许那些实施攻击的人 |
| 145 | to escape full responsibility but also perpetuates shame for victims. | 逃避全部责任,但也使受害者的耻辱永久化。 |
| 146 | And I for one am tired of being ashamed. | 我为一个人感到厌倦了羞愧 |
| 147 | I'll be honest with you. | 直饶佛言. |
| 148 | I wrote at least 10 different conclusions to this talk but none of them felt right. | 我至少写了10个不同的结论, |
| 149 | And I think that's because there isn't a conclusion here. | 我认为这是因为这里没有结论。 |
| 150 | There's no way to wrap this subject up in a box, tie it in a perfect bow, set it aside | 无法把话题包在盒子里 绑在完美的弓里 放在一边 |
| 151 | and call it done. | 并称它完成。 |
| 152 | This requires ongoing, open and sometimes uncomfortable conversations. | 这需要不断、公开和有时令人不舒服的对话。 |
| 153 | As much as I want to protect my children now, what I've come to realize is I can't protect | 虽然现在我想保护我的孩子 但我意识到我不能保护 |
| 154 | them from sexual violence any more than my parents could have protected me. | 他们遭受性暴力 比我父母更能保护我 |
| 155 | But what I can protect them from is shame. | 但我能保护她们免受耻辱 |
| 156 | God forbid my children go through what I went through. | 上帝禁止我的孩子经历我所经历的 |
| 157 | I at the very least want them to know that sexual assault is not, never was and never | 我至少希望他们知道 性攻击不是,从来没有,从来没有 |
| 158 | will be their fault. | 这将是他们的错。 |
| 159 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 159 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格