TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子
共 3 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 双语 | 16:44 |
| P2 | TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 无字幕 | 16:44 |
| P3 | TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 英文 | 16:44 |
P1 · TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 p01 双语 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:07 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 0:11 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 0:15 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 0:23 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 0:25 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 0:28 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 0:32 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little fleck of dog poop. | 也许如果我真的走运, 一点点的狗屎。 |
| 0:37 | Makes you sick just thinking about it, right? | 让你觉得恶心,对吧? |
| 0:51 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 0:56 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
展开字幕全文（236 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 2 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 3 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 4 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 5 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 6 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 7 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little fleck of dog poop. | 也许如果我真的走运, 一点点的狗屎。 |
| 8 | Makes you sick just thinking about it, right? | 让你觉得恶心,对吧? |
| 9 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 10 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
| 11 | Your sympathetic nervous system activated, increasing your heart rate and tensing your | 你的同情心神经系统激活了 提高了你的心率 提高了你的心率 |
| 12 | muscles. | 肌肉。 肌肉。 (笑声) (掌声) |
| 13 | Your anterior insula flared, creating a feeling of disgust. | 你的前脑内膜炎发作 造成恶心的感觉 |
| 14 | Little nausea, slight gag reflex. | 有点恶心,有点恶心 |
| 15 | Am I going to get sick now? | 我现在要生病了吗? |
| 16 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 17 | But I do know this. | 但我知道这一点。 |
| 18 | I am so glad you're uncomfortable. | 我很高兴你不舒服。 |
| 19 | Congratulations, truly, because that discomfort, that is the first essential step to creating | 祝贺,真的,因为这种不适,这是创造 |
| 20 | confident kids. | 自信的孩子们。 |
| 21 | And you can trust me on this one. | 你可以相信我这个。 |
| 22 | I make kids uncomfortable for a living. | 我让孩子们不自在 |
| 23 | This week, I had an eight-year-old stab me with a needle, twice, took a kid into a basement | 这个星期,我有个八岁小孩 用针刺我,两次,带一个孩子进地下室 |
| 24 | on a spider safari and played Uno on the bathroom floor with an understandably reluctant | 在蜘蛛的猎物上 在浴室的地板上扮演尤诺 可以理解的很不情愿 |
| 25 | teen. | 年轻。 |
| 26 | It's only Wednesday. | 才礼拜三. |
| 27 | Now, I'm not doing this stuff because I'm an evil psychologist. | 现在,我不这样做 因为我是一个邪恶的心理学家。 |
| 28 | I'm doing this because as a pediatric anxiety and OCD expert, I'm a professional bravery | 我这么做是因为作为一个儿科焦虑症和OCD专家 我是一个专业的勇敢者 |
| 29 | coach. | 教练 |
| 30 | I'd like to tell you about a kid that I worked with years ago named Sammy. | 我想告诉你一个孩子 我几年前和Sammy一起工作过 |
| 31 | Sammy was this sweet little third-grade string bean who lived for adventure. | 山米是一个可爱的小 三级弦豆 谁住冒险。 |
| 32 | Bright, curious, optimistic, could tell you everything you honestly never needed to know | 明亮,好奇,乐观, 可以告诉你一切 你诚实地不需要知道 |
| 33 | about airport design. | 关于机场设计 |
| 34 | But Sammy had a fear. | 但山米有恐惧。 |
| 35 | Bees. | 蜜蜂们。 |
| 36 | His brain appreciated bees, vital pollinators. | 他的大脑欣赏蜜蜂 至关重要的授粉者 |
| 37 | His body, however, reacted like they were flying yellow needles with some anger issues. | 然而,他的身体却反应得好像在飞黄针,有些愤怒的问题. |
| 38 | As soon as those leaves turned green, Sammy would initiate his own personal bee safety | 一旦树叶变绿了 山米就会开始保护自己的蜜蜂 |
| 39 | protocol. | 协议。 |
| 40 | No sweets outside, social distancing from the flowers, even staying inside during his | 外面没有甜品, 社交远离花朵, 甚至在他呆在里面 |
| 41 | family's cabin trips. | 家里的客舱旅行 |
| 42 | When Sammy got to me, he and his parents had tried everything to get rid of this anxiety. | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母都尽力摆脱这种焦虑 |
| 43 | Deep breathing, distraction, no luck. | 深呼吸,分散注意力,没有运气. |
| 44 | They had also debated the fear endlessly. | 他们还对恐惧进行了无休止的辩论。 |
| 45 | His parents would reassure him, you won't get stung. | 他的父母会安抚他,你不会被打晕的 |
| 46 | Sammy reminded his parents they were not fortune-telling wizards in four words. | Sammy提醒他的父母,他们不是四个字中的算命巫师。 |
| 47 | How do you know? | 你怎么会知道? |
| 48 | This phobia was stealing Sammy's childhood, one sunny summer day at a time. | 这种恐惧症是偷走了Sammy的童年 一次阳光灿烂的夏天 |
| 49 | When I sing Happy Birthday with a cringing 12-year-old as loudly as possible in the grocery | 当我在杂货店 和12岁的孩子一起唱生日快乐时 |
| 50 | store produce section, when I rank order photos of vomit by chunk level, or, yes, when I lick | 商店制作区,当我按块级排列呕吐物的照片, 或者,是的,当我舔 |
| 51 | my own dirty shoes, I don't just do it for fun, although believe it or not, sometimes | 我自己的脏鞋,我不只是为好玩, 虽然相信与否,有时 |
| 52 | it's very fun. | 这很有趣。 |
| 53 | I do it for kids like Sammy, because there is a method to this madness. | 我这么做是为了Sammy这样的孩子 因为这种疯狂是有办法的 |
| 54 | And after a decade of clinical practice helping kids be brave, it's become clear to me that | 经过十年的临床实践 帮助孩子们勇敢, 变得很清楚, |
| 55 | the method, exposure therapy, isn't just the gold standard treatment for child anxiety | 这个方法,曝光疗法, 不仅仅是金本位治疗儿童焦虑症 |
| 56 | and OCD. | 和OCD。 (中文(简体) ). |
| 57 | It is a secret parenting playbook for raising kids that thrive. | 这是一本秘密的育儿剧本 用来抚养成长的孩子 |
| 58 | I want to share that secret playbook with you today. | 我今天想和你们分享那本秘籍 |
| 59 | But before we talk about what to do, we need to talk about what we are up against. | 但是,在谈论做什么之前,我们需要谈论我们面对什么。 |
| 60 | It's a wild, worried world out there, folks. | 外面的世界很疯狂,很担心 |
| 61 | According to the National Survey of Children's Health, pediatric anxiety diagnoses rose by | 根据全国儿童健康调查,儿科焦虑症诊断呈上升趋势。 |
| 62 | nearly 30% from 2016 to 2019. | 从2016年到2019年,接近30%. |
| 63 | 这是在COVID之前。 | |
| 64 | But you don't need stats or lists. | 但你不需要统计或名单 |
| 65 | You have felt this. | 你已经感觉到了 |
| 66 | Because thanks to evolutionary biology, when kids get anxious, adults get anxious, too. | 因为得益于进化生物学,当孩子感到焦虑时,成年人也会感到焦虑. |
| 67 | Now, I have two girls, and home is the hardest clinic that I have to work in. | 现在,我有两个女儿, 家是我工作最难的诊所。 |
| 68 | When one of my little gals looks up at me with the big teary eyes, aka the mommy bat | 当我的一个小女孩 看着我,大眼泪, |
| 69 | signal, my nervous system does the same thing that yours does. | 我的神经系统和你一样 |
| 70 | It responds as though I have discovered that the kitchen is on fire. | 我发现厨房着火了 |
| 71 | The amygdala, the watchdog in our brain, starts barking, and the fight or flight system kicks | 我们脑中的看门人阿米格达拉 开始吠叫 战斗或飞行系统会踢 |
| 72 | in. | 进去 |
| 73 | And adrenaline surges, and there is this instant, magical transfer of distress. | 肾上腺素激增, 并有这种瞬间,神奇的转移 危难。 |
| 74 | Her emergency becomes my emergency. | 她的紧急情况变成我的紧急情况。 |
| 75 | And in an emergency, what do you do? | 在紧急情况下,你会怎么做? |
| 76 | You rescue the child. | 你来拯救孩子 |
| 77 | Now, I am proof that professional degrees do not make you immune to this. | 现在,我证明 专业学位并不能让你免受这种影响 |
| 78 | In my eldest daughter's four short years of life, I have become a one-woman emotional | 在我大女儿短短的四岁生命中 我变成了一个女人 |
| 79 | SWAT team more times than I can count. | 特警队比我数得多 |
| 80 | I've answered questions for my daughter when she clams up with a new adult. | 我已经为我女儿回答了问题 当她和一个新的成年人在一起。 |
| 81 | I've sacrificed my sleep and allowed our little human space heater into the big bed | 我牺牲了我的睡眠 并允许我们的小 人类空间热器进入大床 |
| 82 | for the night. | 为晚上。 |
| 83 | I have forfeited all privacy while peeing because even that closed bathroom door feels | 我尿尿时失去了所有隐私 因为连那个封闭的浴室门都觉得 |
| 84 | too far away. | 太远了 |
| 85 | Now, all of this is what I call parenting for comfort, and it is the single most natural | 现在,所有这一切,我称之为养育 舒适,这是单一 最自然的 |
| 86 | and well-meaning and deeply flawed thing that we do. | 和善意 和严重缺陷的事情 我们做。 |
| 87 | In the anxiety treatment world, parenting for comfort has another name, accommodation. | 在焦虑治疗世界中,为舒适做父母有另一个名字,即住宿. |
| 88 | In my office, it looks like the parents who removed everything green from the house because | 在我的办公室里 看起来像是父母把房子里的绿色都搬走了 |
| 89 | green meant vomit. | 绿色意味着呕吐。 |
| 90 | In Sammy's case, it looked like kind, loving parents who altered family plans from outdoor | 在Sammy的案例中, 看起来像善良的, 慈爱的父母 谁改变了家庭计划 从户外 |
| 91 | fun to indoor fun. | 室内乐趣。 |
| 92 | No picnics at the park, no meals on the deck at the cabin. | 公园里没有野餐,小屋的甲板上也没有食物. |
| 93 | Parenting for comfort is not limited to the parents of anxious kids. | 父母对舒适的照顾并不限于焦虑孩子的父母. |
| 94 | It's also the common thread in the last 30 years of parenting trends, from the helicopter | 这也是过去30年的家长潮流中常见的线索 从直升机上 |
| 95 | parenting of yore to the gentle parenting of today. | 今天的温柔的为人父母 |
| 96 | All of it is rooted in this idea that healthy is a synonym for happy, but I have watched | 所有这一切都植根于这个想法 健康是快乐的同义词 但我已经看到 |
| 97 | this approach play out hundreds of times in my office, and I can tell you there are three | 这个方法在我的办公室里玩了几百次, 我可以告诉你,有3次 |
| 98 | big problems with parenting for comfort. | 给人以安慰是一大问题 |
| 99 | First, it places an incredible burden on parents. | 首先,这给父母带来了令人难以置信的负担。 |
| 100 | It turns us into this stressed out member of the feeling secret service tasked with | 这使我们变成了一个 紧张的成员 感觉特勤局的任务 |
| 101 | controlling something we just can't, another person's emotional experience. | 控制我们无法控制的东西, 另一个人的情感体验。 |
| 102 | Second, it teaches kids that hard feelings are an emergency. | 第二,它教孩子们 难感是一种紧急情况。 |
| 103 | When we cancel that picnic in July or open the bathroom door midstream, we may not say | 当我们取消7月的野餐 或者打开浴室的中游门 我们可能不会说 |
| 104 | it, but our actions shout, this feeling is a problem. | 但是我们的行动大声喊着 这种感觉是个问题 |
| 105 | Third, it doesn't work. | 第三无功用. |
| 106 | We can't eliminate the pain or mistakes of childhood. | 我们不能消除童年的痛苦或错误. |
| 107 | They're a part of the process of growing up. | 它们是成长过程的一部分. |
| 108 | We cannot guarantee emotional comfort when discomfort is a side effect of being alive. | 当不适是活着的副作用时,我们无法保证情感上的舒适. |
| 109 | If life won't promise comfort, our parenting can't either. | 如果生活不答应安慰 我们的养育也不能 |
| 110 | Instead of parenting for comfort, we need to be parenting for confidence. | 而不是为了安慰而为人父母,我们需要为了信心而为人父母。 |
| 111 | When you parent for confidence, you flip the script. | 当你父母为了自信,你翻转脚本。 |
| 112 | Our goal is not to get rid of anxiety, uncertainty, or distress. | 我们的目标不是消除焦虑、不确定或痛苦。 |
| 113 | Our goal is to build coping efficacy, what I call handleability. | 我们的目标是建立应对效能,我称之为可处理性。 |
| 114 | This deep in your bones belief, I can handle it. | 这么深的骨头信念,我可以处理它。 |
| 115 | That is the heart of exposure therapy and the key to raising kids that thrive. | 这是接触疗法的核心 也是养育成长的孩子的关键 |
| 116 | Not avoiding hard feelings, but experiencing them and still saying, I can do this. | 不是逃避痛苦的感情,而是经历这些感情,并且仍然说,我可以做到这一点。 |
| 117 | Our kids don't require a comfortable life. | 我们的孩子不需要一个舒适的生活。 |
| 118 | They need comfort with discomfort. | 他们需要安慰与不适。 |
| 119 | So how do you do this? | 那么,你怎么做到这一点? |
| 120 | How do you parent for handleability? | 你父母怎么处理? |
| 121 | When Sammy got to me, all that he and his parents had tried hadn't really worked, | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母尝试过的一切 都没有真正工作 |
| 122 | and he was waiting to see if I would waste his time too. | 他等着看我会不会浪费他的时间 |
| 123 | But I surprised him. | 但我惊讶他。 |
| 124 | Rather than reassurance or relaxation or distraction with Sammy and with hundreds of other kids, | 而不是让Sammy和数百个其他孩子放心 放松或分心 |
| 125 | I used the recipe that exposure therapists have relied on for decades. | 我用的是接触治疗师几十年来所依赖的食谱。 |
| 126 | A plus B equals C. | 甲加乙等于丙为丙. |
| 127 | Anxiety plus bravery equals confidence. | 焦虑加勇敢等于自信 |
| 128 | Notice anxiety is not the problem. | 注意焦虑不是问题 |
| 129 | It's a core ingredient. | 这是核心成分 |
| 130 | It's actually central to how the brain learns safety through what's called inhibitory learning. | 它实际上是大脑如何通过所谓的抑制性学习来学习安全的核心. |
| 131 | Bravery only rewires the brain when fear is present. | 勇敢只有在恐惧存在时才能重新连接大脑. |
| 132 | No one gets confident they can handle hard stuff without handling hard stuff. | 没有人相信他们能处理硬的东西 不处理硬的东西。 |
| 133 | I explained to Sammy that worry is a bossy bully, but bullies stop messing with you once | 我跟山米解释过 担心是霸道欺负 但霸道欺负你一次 |
| 134 | you say no. | 你说不。 |
| 135 | In order to shrink worry, he needed to show that bully who's boss through practice being | 为了减轻担忧 他需要让那个恶霸 通过练习成为老大 |
| 136 | brave. | 勇敢点 |
| 137 | 当然 Sammy立刻被我的解释说服了 就像 Katherine | |
| 138 | absolutely. | 当然 |
| 139 | Give me some bees. | 给我一些蜜蜂。 |
| 140 | No. | 没有 |
| 141 | Oh my gosh. | 天呐 |
| 142 | He was like, uh, thanks, hot take. | 他就像,呃,谢谢,热的。 |
| 143 | I will consider that. | 我会考虑的 |
| 144 | But this is where grownups come in. | 但这就是大人来的地方 |
| 145 | A growing body of research from Yale Child Study Center and others shows that we as parents | 耶鲁儿童研究中心和其他人越来越多的研究显示,我们是父母。 |
| 146 | can change child anxiety just by changing our own behavior. | 改变我们自己的行为 就能改变孩子的焦虑 |
| 147 | If we parents go from prioritizing comfort through accommodation to prioritizing confidence | 如果我们的父母从优先的舒适 住宿到优先的自信 |
| 148 | through practice, we can make it much more likely that kids will take that leap into | 通过练习 我们可以让孩子们更可能 跳跃到 |
| 149 | brave action. | 勇敢的行动。 |
| 150 | Parenting for confidence means supporting kids at each step of the ABC recipe. | 为自信而做父母意味着在ABC配方的每一步都支持孩子. |
| 151 | It means creating opportunities for anxiety through adventure. | 这意味着通过冒险创造焦虑的机会. |
| 152 | No kid jumps off the high dive if you never take them to the pool. | 如果你不带孩子去游泳池 就不会有小孩跳下高潜 |
| 153 | I asked Sammy's parents to give him some confidence building opportunities by resuming their family's | 我要求Sammy的父母给他一些建立信任的机会 通过恢复他们的家人 |
| 154 | summer fun. | 夏乐. |
| 155 | Walk to ice cream, smell the flowers, eat the watermelon on the cabin deck. | 走到冰激凌,闻到花香,吃小屋甲板上的西瓜. |
| 156 | Parenting for confidence also means be the bravery you wish to see in your child. | 为自信而做父母,也意味着你希望看到孩子的勇敢。 |
| 157 | Show your kid that they can handle this by modeling it. | 告诉你的孩子,他们可以处理 通过模型它。 |
| 158 | Do the scary thing. | 做吓人的事 |
| 159 | Sammy's parents didn't make Sammy go outside on the deck, but they did go out there and | 山米的父母没有让山米去外面的甲板, 但是他们确实去那里, |
| 160 | enjoy some watermelon despite the wasps. | 喜欢一些西瓜 尽管黄蜂。 |
| 161 | This is jumping in the pool and showing the water's fine. | 这是跳进游泳池 显示水的罚款。 |
| 162 | Third, we need to celebrate confidence building actions. | 第三,我们需要庆祝建立信任的行动。 |
| 163 | Cheer for and reward those brave steps. | 欢呼和奖励这些勇敢的台阶. |
| 164 | Brave is hard work, and hard work deserves reward. | 勇敢是艰苦的工作,艰苦的工作应该得到奖励. |
| 165 | Sammy built a bravery ladder to face his fears. | 萨米为面对他的恐惧而建造了一座勇敢的梯子. |
| 166 | It went from bee pictures to videos to Dan. | 从蜜蜂照片到视频 都变成了丹 |
| 167 | Dan is a dead bee in a jar in my office. | 丹是我办公室罐子里的一只死蜜蜂 |
| 168 | And finally, real bees. | 最后,真正的蜜蜂们。 |
| 169 | Each step earned brave points, which Sammy cashed in for trips to new restaurants. | 每一步都收获了勇敢的分数,山姆为了去新餐馆而兑现了这些分数. |
| 170 | Now at this point, a warning. | 现在,一个警告。 |
| 171 | Parenting for confidence is brave parenting. | 为自信而养育是勇敢的养育。 |
| 172 | It asks for bravery from kids, yes, but it requires bravery from parents. | 它要求孩子们勇敢,是的,但它需要父母的勇敢。 |
| 173 | Watching your kid panic before the hockey game and sending them out onto that ice anyway. | 看着你孩子在冰球比赛前惊慌失措 把他们送到冰上 |
| 174 | Asking them to eat in the den of snakes that is a middle school lunch room. | 要求他们在蛇穴里吃饭 那是中学午餐室 |
| 175 | Or if you are me, peeling your protesting one year old off your body, | 或者,如果你是我, 剥你的抗议 一岁 从你的身体, |
| 176 | passing them to a teacher at daycare, and | 把他们送到托儿所的老师那里, |
| 177 | then walking out the door before bursting into tears. | 然后走出门,然后流泪 |
| 178 | This is incredibly emotionally hard. | 这是令人难以置信的情感困难。 |
| 179 | These actions ask us to place a bet on our child's ability to cope when they | 这些行动要求我们打赌 我们的孩子的能力 当他们 |
| 180 | themselves are screaming, don't bet on me. | 他们自己在尖叫, 不要赌我。 |
| 181 | But here's the secret. | 但这是秘密 |
| 182 | The same way this anxious kids can transfer their anxiety to adults, | 同样的,这些焦虑的孩子 可以转移他们的焦虑 成年人, |
| 183 | adults can transfer their own confidence to kids. | 成年人可以把自己的信心转移给孩子. |
| 184 | Thanks to social referencing, or how kids look to adults to gauge safety, | 多亏了社会参考 或孩子们如何看待成年人来衡量安全 |
| 185 | if we stand our ground and remain calm, we can lend our kids a nervous system. | 如果我们站稳脚跟 保持冷静 我们可以给我们的孩子一个神经系统 |
| 186 | Our job during that wave of anxiety is not to get kids off the ride, but | 我们在这段焦虑的浪潮中的工作 不是让孩子们下车,而是 |
| 187 | to be their warm, steady anchor, a lap bar on the roller coaster of distress. | 成为他们的温暖,稳定的锚, 一个大腿棒 在过山的危难。 |
| 188 | The secure base that says, come what may, I love you, | 安全基地说,来吧,我爱你 |
| 189 | I will always love you, no matter what. | 无论怎样,我都会永远爱你 |
| 190 | You want confident kids? | 你想要自信的孩子吗? |
| 191 | Let them struggle, not suffer, struggle. | 让他们奋斗,不要受苦,斗争. |
| 192 | Because confidence doesn't come from praise or protection. | 因为信心并非来自赞美或保护. |
| 193 | It comes from practice, practice being scared and doing it anyway. | 它来自练习,练习 害怕和做它。 |
| 194 | It is hard, but it's worth it. | 很难,但值得 |
| 195 | Because here's the best part, bravery is contagious. | 因为这是最好的部分,勇敢是传染性的。 |
| 196 | One act of courage lights the way for the next, | 勇气的一举一动 照亮了未来的道路, |
| 197 | not just for your kid, but for the people around them. | 不只是为你的孩子, 而且为周围的人。 |
| 198 | The kid who faces their fear of bees doesn't just play outside again. | 面对对蜜蜂的恐惧的孩子不再只是在外面玩了. |
| 199 | They raise their hand in class. | 他们在课堂上举手. |
| 200 | They try out for the school play. | 他们试演学校剧。 |
| 201 | They speak up when something is wrong, because they start to ask, | 当事情不对劲时,他们会大声说,因为他们开始问, |
| 202 | what else am I capable of? | 我还能做什么? |
| 203 | And when they do, someone else gets a little braver too. | 而当他们这样做,别人 得到一点点勇敢。 |
| 204 | By facing fear to do what matters, | 面对恐惧 做什么重要的事情, |
| 205 | you give others the faith that they can do the same. | 你让别人相信他们也能这样做 |
| 206 | That is why this work matters, not just so your child feels less anxious, but | 这就是为什么这工作很重要, 不只是让你的孩子觉得 不那么焦虑, |
| 207 | because all of our children are inheriting a world of hard, | 因为我们所有的孩子 继承了一个艰难的世界, |
| 208 | complicated problems, polarized communities, economic disruption, | 复杂问题、两极分化的社区、经济混乱、 |
| 209 | global uncertainty. | 全球不确定性。 |
| 210 | These challenges won't be solved by people who need to feel good before they act. | 这些挑战不会被行动前需要感觉良好的人解决. |
| 211 | They'll be solved by people who can say, this is hard, but I can handle it. | 他们可以解决的人 谁可以说,这是困难的, 但我可以处理它。 |
| 212 | In short, brave people. | 简而言之,勇敢的人。 |
| 213 | Parenting for confidence is not a luxury. | 为自信而养育不是奢侈品。 |
| 214 | It is a legacy. | 这是一个遗产。 |
| 215 | Because brave parenting creates brave kids. | 因为勇敢的养育会创造勇敢的孩子. |
| 216 | And brave kids are the ones that will change the world. | 勇敢的孩子才是改变世界的人 |
| 217 | So what happened with Sammy? | 萨姆怎么了? |
| 218 | That is the kid that wouldn't take an apple on a walk. | 那孩子不会在散步时带走苹果 |
| 219 | He looks good in the suit, doesn't he? | 他穿着西装看起来不错,不是吗? |
| 220 | There he is. | 他来了 |
| 221 | And actually, here he is. | 实际上,他在这里。 |
| 222 | And he is not alone. | 他并不孤单。 |
| 223 | Friends, meet your world changers. | 朋友们,见见你们的世界变迁者。 |
| 224 | And while you look up here at all of this bravery, think of the kids that you know | 当你抬头看这些勇敢的时候 想想你认识的孩子 |
| 225 | and love. | 和爱。 |
| 226 | What sign do you want that child to be able to hold six months from now or 10 | 你希望那孩子能撑六个月还是10个月 |
| 227 | years from now? | 几年以后吗? |
| 228 | What sign will you hold to show them the way? | 你将持有什么标志来指引他们的道路? |
| 229 | What shoe are you ready to lick? | 你准备舔什么鞋? |
| 230 | Revolutions begin with one person doing something hard on purpose where others can | 革命从一个人故意做坏事开始 别人可以 |
| 231 | see. | 看到没? |
| 232 | So please, let's get uncomfortable together. | 所以,请让我们一起感到不舒服。 |
| 233 | Let's thrive together. | 我们一起兴旺吧 |
| 234 | And let's raise them brave. | 让我们勇敢地抚养他们 |
| 235 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 236 | Let's thrive together. | 我们一起兴旺吧 |
该视频共有字幕 236 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P2 · TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 p02 无字幕 (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:07 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 0:11 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 0:15 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 0:23 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 0:25 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 0:28 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 0:32 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little flak of dog poop makes you sick just thinking about | 也许,如果我真的幸运, 一小片狗屎让你恶心 只是想着 |
| 0:38 | it, right? | 是吗? |
| 0:51 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 0:56 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
展开字幕全文（227 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 2 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 3 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 4 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 5 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 6 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 7 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little flak of dog poop makes you sick just thinking about | 也许,如果我真的幸运, 一小片狗屎让你恶心 只是想着 |
| 8 | it, right? | 是吗? |
| 9 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 10 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
| 11 | Your sympathetic nervous system activated, increasing your heart rate and tensing your | 你的同情心神经系统激活了 提高了你的心率 提高了你的心率 |
| 12 | muscles. | 肌肉。 肌肉。 (笑声) (掌声) |
| 13 | Your anterior insula flared, creating a feeling of disgust, a little nausea, slight gag reflex. | 你的前脑内膜炎发作 产生恶心的感觉 有点恶心 有点恶心的反射 |
| 14 | Am I going to get sick now? | 我现在要生病了吗? |
| 15 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 16 | But I do know this. | 但我知道这一点。 |
| 17 | I am so glad you're uncomfortable. | 我很高兴你不舒服。 |
| 18 | Congratulations, truly, because that discomfort, that is the first essential step to creating | 祝贺,真的,因为这种不适,这是创造 |
| 19 | confident kids. | 自信的孩子们。 |
| 20 | And you can trust me on this one. | 你可以相信我这个。 |
| 21 | I make kids uncomfortable for a living. | 我让孩子们不自在 |
| 22 | This week, I had an eight-year-old stab me with a needle twice, took a kid into a basement | 这周我有个八岁小孩 用针刺我两次 带一个孩子进地下室 |
| 23 | on a spider safari, and played Uno on the bathroom floor with an understandably reluctant | 在蜘蛛猎物上, 在浴室的地板上演奏尤诺, 可以理解的不情愿 |
| 24 | teen. | 年轻。 |
| 25 | It's only Wednesday. | 才礼拜三. |
| 26 | Now, I'm not doing this stuff because I'm an evil psychologist. | 现在,我不这样做 因为我是一个邪恶的心理学家。 |
| 27 | I'm doing this because as a pediatric anxiety and OCD expert, I'm a professional bravery | 我这么做是因为作为一个儿科焦虑症和OCD专家 我是一个专业的勇敢者 |
| 28 | coach. | 教练 |
| 29 | I'd like to tell you about a kid that I worked with years ago named Sammy. | 我想告诉你一个孩子 我几年前和Sammy一起工作过 |
| 30 | Sammy was this sweet little third-grade string bean who lived for adventure. | 山米是一个可爱的小 三级弦豆 谁住冒险。 |
| 31 | Bright, curious, optimistic, could tell you everything you honestly never needed to know | 明亮,好奇,乐观, 可以告诉你一切 你诚实地不需要知道 |
| 32 | about airport design. | 关于机场设计 |
| 33 | But Sammy had a fear. | 但山米有恐惧。 |
| 34 | Bees. | 蜜蜂们。 |
| 35 | His brain appreciated bees, vital pollinators. | 他的大脑欣赏蜜蜂 至关重要的授粉者 |
| 36 | His body, however, reacted like they were flying yellow needles with some anger issues. | 然而,他的身体却反应得好像在飞黄针,有些愤怒的问题. |
| 37 | As soon as those leaves turned green, Sammy would initiate his own personal bee safety | 一旦树叶变绿了 山米就会开始保护自己的蜜蜂 |
| 38 | protocol. | 协议。 |
| 39 | No sweets outside, social distancing from the flowers, even staying inside during his | 外面没有甜品, 社交远离花朵, 甚至在他呆在里面 |
| 40 | family's cabin trips. | 家里的客舱旅行 |
| 41 | When Sammy got to me, he and his parents had tried everything to get rid of this anxiety. | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母都尽力摆脱这种焦虑 |
| 42 | Deep breathing, distraction, no luck. | 深呼吸,分散注意力,没有运气. |
| 43 | They had also debated the fear endlessly. | 他们还对恐惧进行了无休止的辩论。 |
| 44 | His parents would reassure him, you won't get stung. | 他的父母会安抚他,你不会被打晕的 |
| 45 | Sammy reminded his parents they were not fortune-telling wizards in four words. | Sammy提醒他的父母,他们不是四个字中的算命巫师。 |
| 46 | How do you know? | 你怎么会知道? |
| 47 | This phobia was stealing Sammy's childhood, one sunny summer day at a time. | 这种恐惧症是偷走了Sammy的童年 一次阳光灿烂的夏天 |
| 48 | When I sing Happy Birthday with a cringing 12-year-old as loudly as possible in the grocery | 当我在杂货店 和12岁的孩子一起唱生日快乐时 |
| 49 | store produce section, when I rank order photos of vomit by chunk level, or, yes, when I lick | 商店制作区,当我按块级排列呕吐物的照片, 或者,是的,当我舔 |
| 50 | my own dirty shoes, I don't just do it for fun, although believe it or not, sometimes | 我自己的脏鞋,我不只是为好玩, 虽然相信与否,有时 |
| 51 | it's very fun. | 这很有趣。 |
| 52 | I do it for kids like Sammy because there is a method to this madness, and after a decade | 我是为了Sammy这样的孩子 因为这疯狂是有办法的 过了十年 |
| 53 | of clinical practice helping kids be brave, it's become clear to me that the method, exposure | 帮助孩子们勇敢的临床实践, 我很清楚的方法,接触 |
| 54 | therapy, isn't just the gold standard treatment for child anxiety and OCD. | 治疗,不只是金本位治疗 儿童焦虑和OCD。 |
| 55 | It is a secret parenting playbook for raising kids that thrive. | 这是一本秘密的育儿剧本 用来抚养成长的孩子 |
| 56 | I want to share that secret playbook with you today. | 我今天想和你们分享那本秘籍 |
| 57 | But before we talk about what to do, we need to talk about what we are up against. | 但是,在谈论做什么之前,我们需要谈论我们面对什么。 |
| 58 | It's a wild, worried world out there, folks. | 外面的世界很疯狂,很担心 |
| 59 | According to the National Survey of Children's Health, pediatric anxiety diagnoses rose by | 根据全国儿童健康调查,儿科焦虑症诊断呈上升趋势。 |
| 60 | nearly 30% from 2016 to 2019. | 从2016年到2019年,接近30%. |
| 61 | 这是在COVID之前。 | |
| 62 | But you don't need stats or lists. | 但你不需要统计或名单 |
| 63 | You have felt this. | 你已经感觉到了 |
| 64 | Because thanks to evolutionary biology, when kids get anxious, adults get anxious, too. | 因为得益于进化生物学,当孩子感到焦虑时,成年人也会感到焦虑. |
| 65 | Now, I have two girls, and home is the hardest clinic that I have to work in. | 现在,我有两个女儿, 家是我工作最难的诊所。 |
| 66 | When one of my little gals looks up at me with the big, teary eyes, aka the mommy bat | 当一个小女孩看着我 双双双双双眼 |
| 67 | signal, my nervous system does the same thing that yours does. | 我的神经系统和你一样 |
| 68 | It responds as though I have discovered that the kitchen is on fire. | 我发现厨房着火了 |
| 69 | The amygdala, the watchdog in our brain, starts barking, and the fight or flight system kicks | 我们脑中的看门人阿米格达拉 开始吠叫 战斗或飞行系统会踢 |
| 70 | in, and adrenaline surges, and there is this instant, magical transfer of distress. | 肾上腺素激增, 并有这种瞬间,神奇的转移 危难。 |
| 71 | Her emergency becomes my emergency, and in an emergency, what do you do? | 她的紧急情况变成我的紧急情况, 在紧急情况下,你做什么? |
| 72 | You rescue the child. | 你来拯救孩子 |
| 73 | Now, I am proof that professional degrees do not make you immune to this. | 现在,我证明 专业学位并不能让你免受这种影响 |
| 74 | In my eldest daughter's four short years of life, I have become a one-woman emotional | 在我大女儿短短的四岁生命中 我变成了一个女人 |
| 75 | SWAT team more times than I can count. | 特警队比我数得多 |
| 76 | I've answered questions for my daughter when she clams up with a new adult. | 我已经为我女儿回答了问题 当她和一个新的成年人在一起。 |
| 77 | I've sacrificed my sleep and allowed our little human space heater into the big bed | 我牺牲了我的睡眠 并允许我们的小 人类空间热器进入大床 |
| 78 | for the night. | 为晚上。 |
| 79 | I have forfeited all privacy while peeing, because even that closed bathroom door feels | 我尿尿时失去了所有隐私 因为连那个封闭的浴室门都觉得 |
| 80 | too far away. | 太远了 |
| 81 | Now, all of this is what I call parenting for comfort, and it is the single most natural | 现在,所有这一切,我称之为养育 舒适,这是单一 最自然的 |
| 82 | and well-meaning and deeply flawed thing that we do. | 和善意 和严重缺陷的事情 我们做。 |
| 83 | In the anxiety treatment world, parenting for comfort has another name, accommodation. | 在焦虑治疗世界中,为舒适做父母有另一个名字,即住宿. |
| 84 | In my office, it looks like the parents who removed everything green from the house, because | 在我的办公室里, 看起来像父母 谁移除了房子的一切绿色,因为 |
| 85 | green meant vomit. | 绿色意味着呕吐。 |
| 86 | In Sammy's case, it looked like kind, loving parents who altered family plans from outdoor | 在Sammy的案例中, 看起来像善良的, 慈爱的父母 谁改变了家庭计划 从户外 |
| 87 | fun to indoor fun. | 室内乐趣。 |
| 88 | No picnics at the park, no meals on the deck at the cabin. | 公园里没有野餐,小屋的甲板上也没有食物. |
| 89 | Parenting for comfort is not limited to the parents of anxious kids. | 父母对舒适的照顾并不限于焦虑孩子的父母. |
| 90 | It's also the common thread in the last 30 years of parenting trends, from the helicopter | 这也是过去30年的家长潮流中常见的线索 从直升机上 |
| 91 | parenting of yore to the gentle parenting of today. | 今天的温柔的为人父母 |
| 92 | All of it is rooted in this idea that healthy is a synonym for happy, but I have watched | 所有这一切都植根于这个想法 健康是快乐的同义词 但我已经看到 |
| 93 | this approach play out hundreds of times in my office, and I can tell you there are three | 这个方法在我的办公室里玩了几百次, 我可以告诉你,有3次 |
| 94 | big problems with parenting for comfort. | 给人以安慰是一大问题 |
| 95 | First, it places an incredible burden on parents. | 首先,这给父母带来了令人难以置信的负担。 |
| 96 | It turns us into this stressed out member of the feeling secret service tasked with | 这使我们变成了一个 紧张的成员 感觉特勤局的任务 |
| 97 | controlling something we just can't, another person's emotional experience. | 控制我们无法控制的东西, 另一个人的情感体验。 |
| 98 | Second, it teaches kids that hard feelings are an emergency. | 第二,它教孩子们 难感是一种紧急情况。 |
| 99 | When we cancel that picnic in July or open the bathroom door midstream, we may not say | 当我们取消7月的野餐 或者打开浴室的中游门 我们可能不会说 |
| 100 | it, but our actions shout, this feeling is a problem. | 但是我们的行动大声喊着 这种感觉是个问题 |
| 101 | Third, it doesn't work. | 第三无功用. |
| 102 | We can't eliminate the pain or mistakes of childhood. | 我们不能消除童年的痛苦或错误. |
| 103 | They're a part of the process of growing up. | 它们是成长过程的一部分. |
| 104 | We cannot guarantee emotional comfort when discomfort is a side effect of being alive. | 当不适是活着的副作用时,我们无法保证情感上的舒适. |
| 105 | If life won't promise comfort, our parenting can't either. | 如果生活不答应安慰 我们的养育也不能 |
| 106 | Instead of parenting for comfort, we need to be parenting for confidence. | 而不是为了安慰而为人父母,我们需要为了信心而为人父母。 |
| 107 | When you parent for confidence, you flip the script. | 当你父母为了自信,你翻转脚本。 |
| 108 | Our goal is not to get rid of anxiety, uncertainty, or distress. | 我们的目标不是消除焦虑、不确定或痛苦。 |
| 109 | Our goal is to build coping efficacy, what I call handleability. | 我们的目标是建立应对效能,我称之为可处理性。 |
| 110 | This deep in your bones belief, I can handle it. | 这么深的骨头信念,我可以处理它。 |
| 111 | That is the heart of exposure therapy and the key to raising kids that thrive, not | 这是接触疗法的核心 也是养育成长的孩子的关键 |
| 112 | avoiding hard feelings, but experiencing them and still saying, I can do this. | 避免了痛苦的感情,但经历这些感情,仍然说,我可以做到这一点。 |
| 113 | Our kids don't require a comfortable life. | 我们的孩子不需要一个舒适的生活。 |
| 114 | They need comfort with discomfort. | 他们需要安慰与不适。 |
| 115 | So how do you do this? | 那么,你怎么做到这一点? |
| 116 | How do you parent for handleability? | 你父母怎么处理? |
| 117 | When Sammy got to me, all that he and his parents had tried hadn't really worked. | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母尝试过的一切 都没有真正奏效 |
| 118 | And he was waiting to see if I would waste his time too. | 他等着看我会不会浪费他的时间 |
| 119 | But I surprised him. | 但我惊讶他。 |
| 120 | Rather than reassurance or relaxation or distraction with Sammy and with hundreds | 而不是保证 放松或分散 与萨米和数百 |
| 121 | of other kids, I use the recipe that exposure therapists have relied on for decades. | 我用的是接触治疗师 几十年来所依赖的食谱 |
| 122 | A plus B equals C. Anxiety plus bravery equals confidence. | A加B等于C 焦虑加勇敢等于信心 |
| 123 | Notice anxiety is not the problem. | 注意焦虑不是问题 |
| 124 | It's a core ingredient. | 这是核心成分 |
| 125 | It's actually central to how the brain learns safety through what's called inhibitory learning. | 它实际上是大脑如何通过所谓的抑制性学习来学习安全的核心. |
| 126 | Bravery only rewires the brain when fear is present. | 勇敢只有在恐惧存在时才能重新连接大脑. |
| 127 | No one gets confident they can handle hard stuff without handling hard stuff. | 没有人相信他们能处理硬的东西 不处理硬的东西。 |
| 128 | I explained to Sammy that worry is a bossy bully. | 我跟Sammy解释过 担心是霸道欺负 |
| 129 | But bullies stop messing with you once you say no. | 但恶霸一说不就别再耍你 |
| 130 | In order to shrink worry, he needed to show that bully who's boss through practice being brave. | 为了减少担忧,他需要向那个恶霸展示谁是老板 通过练习勇敢。 |
| 131 | Now, of course, Sammy was immediately convinced by my explanation and was like, | 当然 Sammy马上被我的解释说服了 然后... |
| 132 | ah, yes, Catherine, absolutely. | 是的 凯瑟琳 当然 |
| 133 | Give me some bees. | 给我一些蜜蜂。 |
| 134 | No, oh, my gosh. | 不,哦,我的天呐。 |
| 135 | He was like, thanks. | 他喜欢,谢谢。 |
| 136 | Hot take. | 热拍。 |
| 137 | I will consider that. | 我会考虑的 |
| 138 | But this is where grownups come in. | 但这就是大人来的地方 |
| 139 | A growing body of research from Yale Child Study Center and others shows that we, | 耶鲁儿童研究中心等越来越多的研究表明,我们, |
| 140 | as parents, can change child anxiety just by changing our own behavior. | 作为父母,可以改变孩子的焦虑 通过改变我们自己的行为。 |
| 141 | If we parents go from prioritizing comfort through accommodation to prioritizing confidence | 如果我们的父母从优先的舒适 住宿到优先的自信 |
| 142 | through practice, we can make it much more likely that kids will take that leap into brave action. | 通过练习,我们可以让孩子们更有可能 跳跃到勇敢的行动。 |
| 143 | Parenting for confidence means supporting kids at each step of the ABC recipe. | 为自信而做父母意味着在ABC配方的每一步都支持孩子. |
| 144 | It means creating opportunities for anxiety through adventure. | 这意味着通过冒险创造焦虑的机会. |
| 145 | No kid jumps off the high dive if you never take them to the pool. | 如果你不带孩子去游泳池 就不会有小孩跳下高潜 |
| 146 | I asked Sammy's parents to give him some confidence building opportunities by resuming | 我让Sammy的父母给他一些建立信任的机会 恢复 |
| 147 | their family's summer fun. | 他们家夏天的乐趣。 |
| 148 | Walk to ice cream, smell the flowers, eat the watermelon on the cabin deck. | 走到冰激凌,闻到花香,吃小屋甲板上的西瓜. |
| 149 | Parenting for confidence also means be the bravery you wish to see in your child. | 为自信而做父母,也意味着你希望看到孩子的勇敢。 |
| 150 | Show your kid that they can handle this by modeling it. | 告诉你的孩子,他们可以处理 通过模型它。 |
| 151 | Do the scary thing. | 做吓人的事 |
| 152 | Sammy's parents didn't make Sammy go outside on the deck, but they did go out there and | 山米的父母没有让山米去外面的甲板, 但是他们确实去那里, |
| 153 | enjoy some watermelon despite the wasps. | 喜欢一些西瓜 尽管黄蜂。 |
| 154 | This is jumping in the pool and showing the water's fine. | 这是跳进游泳池 显示水的罚款。 |
| 155 | Third, we need to celebrate confidence building actions. | 第三,我们需要庆祝建立信任的行动。 |
| 156 | Cheer for and reward those brave steps. | 欢呼和奖励这些勇敢的台阶. |
| 157 | Brave is hard work, and hard work deserves reward. | 勇敢是艰苦的工作,艰苦的工作应该得到奖励. |
| 158 | Sammy built a bravery ladder to face his fears. | 萨米为面对他的恐惧而建造了一座勇敢的梯子. |
| 159 | It went from bee pictures to videos to Dan. | 从蜜蜂照片到视频 都变成了丹 |
| 160 | Dan is a dead bee in a jar in my office. | 丹是我办公室罐子里的一只死蜜蜂 |
| 161 | And finally, real bees. | 最后,真正的蜜蜂们。 |
| 162 | Each step earned brave points, which Sammy cashed in for trips to new restaurants. | 每一步都收获了勇敢的分数,山姆为了去新餐馆而兑现了这些分数. |
| 163 | Now at this point, a warning. | 现在,一个警告。 |
| 164 | Parenting for confidence is brave parenting. | 为自信而养育是勇敢的养育。 |
| 165 | It asks for bravery from kids, yes, but it requires bravery from parents. | 它要求孩子们勇敢,是的,但它需要父母的勇敢。 |
| 166 | Watching your kid panic before the hockey game and | 看着你孩子在冰球赛前慌乱 |
| 167 | sending them out onto that ice anyway. | 把他们送到冰上 |
| 168 | Asking them to eat in the den of snakes that is a middle school lunchroom. | 让他们在中学午餐室里的蛇窝里吃饭 |
| 169 | Or, if you are me, peeling your protesting one-year-old off your body, | 或者,如果你是我, 剥你抗议 一岁的孩子 从你的身体, |
| 170 | passing them to a teacher at daycare, and | 把他们送到托儿所的老师那里, |
| 171 | then walking out the door before bursting into tears. | 然后走出门,然后流泪 |
| 172 | This is incredibly emotionally hard. | 这是令人难以置信的情感困难。 |
| 173 | These actions ask us to place a bet on our child's ability to cope when they | 这些行动要求我们打赌 我们的孩子的能力 当他们 |
| 174 | themselves are screaming, don't bet on me. | 他们自己在尖叫, 不要赌我。 |
| 175 | But here's the secret. | 但这是秘密 |
| 176 | The same way this anxious kids can transfer their anxiety to adults, | 同样的,这些焦虑的孩子 可以转移他们的焦虑 成年人, |
| 177 | adults can transfer their own confidence to kids. | 成年人可以把自己的信心转移给孩子. |
| 178 | Thanks to social referencing, or how kids look to adults to gauge safety, | 多亏了社会参考 或孩子们如何看待成年人来衡量安全 |
| 179 | if we stand our ground and remain calm, we can lend our kids a nervous system. | 如果我们站稳脚跟 保持冷静 我们可以给我们的孩子一个神经系统 |
| 180 | Our job during that wave of anxiety is not to get kids off the ride, but | 我们在这段焦虑的浪潮中的工作 不是让孩子们下车,而是 |
| 181 | to be their warm, steady anchor, a lap bar on the roller coaster of distress. | 成为他们的温暖,稳定的锚, 一个大腿棒 在过山的危难。 |
| 182 | The secure base that says, come what may, I love you, | 安全基地说,来吧,我爱你 |
| 183 | I will always love you, no matter what. | 无论怎样,我都会永远爱你 |
| 184 | You want confident kids? | 你想要自信的孩子吗? |
| 185 | Let them struggle, not suffer, struggle. | 让他们奋斗,不要受苦,斗争. |
| 186 | Because confidence doesn't come from praise or protection, it comes from practice. | 因为信心不是来自赞美或保护,而是来自实践. |
| 187 | Practice being scared and doing it anyway. | 练习被吓坏了,还是这样做。 |
| 188 | It is hard, but it's worth it, because here's the best part. | 这是很难的,但这是值得的, 因为这里是最好的部分。 |
| 189 | Bravery is contagious. | 勇敢是传染性的。 |
| 190 | One act of courage lights the way for the next, not just for your kid, but | 勇气的一举一动 照亮了接下来的道路, 不仅仅是为你的孩子, |
| 191 | for the people around them. | 为周围的人。 |
| 192 | The kid who faces their fear of bees doesn't just play outside again. | 面对对蜜蜂的恐惧的孩子不再只是在外面玩了. |
| 193 | They raise their hand in class. | 他们在课堂上举手. |
| 194 | They try out for the school play. | 他们试演学校剧。 |
| 195 | They speak up when something is wrong, because they start to ask, | 当事情不对劲时,他们会大声说,因为他们开始问, |
| 196 | what else am I capable of? | 我还能做什么? |
| 197 | And when they do, someone else gets a little braver too. | 而当他们这样做,别人 得到一点点勇敢。 |
| 198 | By facing fear to do what matters, you give others the faith that they can do | 面对恐惧 做重要的事情, 你给别人 他们可以做的信仰 |
| 199 | the same. | 一样 |
| 200 | That is why this work matters, not just so your child feels less anxious, but | 这就是为什么这工作很重要, 不只是让你的孩子觉得 不那么焦虑, |
| 201 | because all of our children are inheriting a world of hard, | 因为我们所有的孩子 继承了一个艰难的世界, |
| 202 | complicated problems, polarized communities, economic disruption, | 复杂问题、两极分化的社区、经济混乱、 |
| 203 | global uncertainty. | 全球不确定性。 |
| 204 | These challenges won't be solved by people who need to feel good before they act. | 这些挑战不会被行动前需要感觉良好的人解决. |
| 205 | They'll be solved by people who can say, this is hard, but I can handle it. | 他们可以解决的人 谁可以说,这是困难的, 但我可以处理它。 |
| 206 | In short, brave people. | 简而言之,勇敢的人。 |
| 207 | Parenting for confidence is not a luxury, it is a legacy. | 养育人心不是奢侈,而是遗产。 |
| 208 | Because brave parenting creates brave kids. | 因为勇敢的养育会创造勇敢的孩子. |
| 209 | And brave kids are the ones that will change the world. | 勇敢的孩子才是改变世界的人 |
| 210 | So what happened with Sammy? | 萨姆怎么了? |
| 211 | That is the kid that wouldn't take an apple on a walk. | 那孩子不会在散步时带走苹果 |
| 212 | He looks good in the suit, doesn't he? | 他穿着西装看起来不错,不是吗? |
| 213 | There he is. | 他来了 |
| 214 | And actually, here he is. | 实际上,他在这里。 |
| 215 | And he is not alone. | 他并不孤单。 |
| 216 | Friends, meet your world changers. | 朋友们,见见你们的世界变迁者。 |
| 217 | And while you look up here at all of this bravery, think of the kids that you know | 当你抬头看这些勇敢的时候 想想你认识的孩子 |
| 218 | and love. | 和爱。 |
| 219 | What sign do you want that child to be able to hold six months from now or | 你希望那个孩子能撑六个月吗? |
| 220 | ten years from now? | 十年之后吗? |
| 221 | What sign will you hold to show them the way? | 你将持有什么标志来指引他们的道路? |
| 222 | What shoe are you ready to lick? | 你准备舔什么鞋? |
| 223 | Revolutions begin with one person doing something hard on purpose where others | 革命从一个人做一些刻苦的事开始 其他人 |
| 224 | can see. | 看得出来 |
| 225 | So please, let's get uncomfortable together. | 所以,请让我们一起感到不舒服。 |
| 226 | Let's thrive together and let's raise them brave. | 让我们一起兴旺起来,让他们勇敢起来. |
| 227 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 227 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P3 · TED演讲：如何培养能够面对困难的孩子 p03 英文 (P3)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:07 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 0:11 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 0:15 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 0:23 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 0:25 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 0:28 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 0:32 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little fleck of dog poop. | 也许如果我真的走运, 一点点的狗屎。 |
| 0:37 | Makes you sick just thinking about it, right? | 让你觉得恶心,对吧? |
| 0:51 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 0:56 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
展开字幕全文（236 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've walked a lot in these shoes today. | 我今天穿这双鞋走了很多路 |
| 2 | These soles have ground into the pavement of downtown Minneapolis, the rubber mats of | 这些鞋底有地面进入明尼阿波利斯市中心的路面 橡胶垫 |
| 3 | my car, the linoleum of a gas station bathroom, and the Plato-crusted carpet of a daycare. | 我的车,加油站洗手间里的东西 和日托的柏拉图地毯 |
| 4 | Embedded in the tread? | 嵌在地上吗? |
| 5 | Smear a toddler booger? | 给孩子擦鼻屎? |
| 6 | Little leftover norovirus, maybe? | 可能还有些新病毒? |
| 7 | Maybe if I'm really lucky, a little fleck of dog poop. | 也许如果我真的走运, 一点点的狗屎。 |
| 8 | Makes you sick just thinking about it, right? | 让你觉得恶心,对吧? |
| 9 | So, yeah, that happened. | 所以,是的,发生了。 |
| 10 | And while you may not have tasted what I just tasted, you felt what I felt. | 虽然你可能没有品尝我刚刚品尝的 你感觉到我的感受 |
| 11 | Your sympathetic nervous system activated, increasing your heart rate and tensing your | 你的同情心神经系统激活了 提高了你的心率 提高了你的心率 |
| 12 | muscles. | 肌肉。 肌肉。 (笑声) (掌声) |
| 13 | Your anterior insula flared, creating a feeling of disgust. | 你的前脑内膜炎发作 造成恶心的感觉 |
| 14 | Little nausea, slight gag reflex. | 有点恶心,有点恶心 |
| 15 | Am I going to get sick now? | 我现在要生病了吗? |
| 16 | I don't know. | 师曰. |
| 17 | But I do know this. | 但我知道这一点。 |
| 18 | I am so glad you're uncomfortable. | 我很高兴你不舒服。 |
| 19 | Congratulations, truly, because that discomfort, that is the first essential step to creating | 祝贺,真的,因为这种不适,这是创造 |
| 20 | confident kids. | 自信的孩子们。 |
| 21 | And you can trust me on this one. | 你可以相信我这个。 |
| 22 | I make kids uncomfortable for a living. | 我让孩子们不自在 |
| 23 | This week, I had an eight-year-old stab me with a needle, twice, took a kid into a basement | 这个星期,我有个八岁小孩 用针刺我,两次,带一个孩子进地下室 |
| 24 | on a spider safari and played Uno on the bathroom floor with an understandably reluctant | 在蜘蛛的猎物上 在浴室的地板上扮演尤诺 可以理解的很不情愿 |
| 25 | teen. | 年轻。 |
| 26 | It's only Wednesday. | 才礼拜三. |
| 27 | Now, I'm not doing this stuff because I'm an evil psychologist. | 现在,我不这样做 因为我是一个邪恶的心理学家。 |
| 28 | I'm doing this because as a pediatric anxiety and OCD expert, I'm a professional bravery | 我这么做是因为作为一个儿科焦虑症和OCD专家 我是一个专业的勇敢者 |
| 29 | coach. | 教练 |
| 30 | I'd like to tell you about a kid that I worked with years ago named Sammy. | 我想告诉你一个孩子 我几年前和Sammy一起工作过 |
| 31 | Sammy was this sweet little third-grade string bean who lived for adventure. | 山米是一个可爱的小 三级弦豆 谁住冒险。 |
| 32 | Bright, curious, optimistic, could tell you everything you honestly never needed to know | 明亮,好奇,乐观, 可以告诉你一切 你诚实地不需要知道 |
| 33 | about airport design. | 关于机场设计 |
| 34 | But Sammy had a fear. | 但山米有恐惧。 |
| 35 | Bees. | 蜜蜂们。 |
| 36 | His brain appreciated bees, vital pollinators. | 他的大脑欣赏蜜蜂 至关重要的授粉者 |
| 37 | His body, however, reacted like they were flying yellow needles with some anger issues. | 然而,他的身体却反应得好像在飞黄针,有些愤怒的问题. |
| 38 | As soon as those leaves turned green, Sammy would initiate his own personal bee safety | 一旦树叶变绿了 山米就会开始保护自己的蜜蜂 |
| 39 | protocol. | 协议。 |
| 40 | No sweets outside, social distancing from the flowers, even staying inside during his | 外面没有甜品, 社交远离花朵, 甚至在他呆在里面 |
| 41 | family's cabin trips. | 家里的客舱旅行 |
| 42 | When Sammy got to me, he and his parents had tried everything to get rid of this anxiety. | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母都尽力摆脱这种焦虑 |
| 43 | Deep breathing, distraction, no luck. | 深呼吸,分散注意力,没有运气. |
| 44 | They had also debated the fear endlessly. | 他们还对恐惧进行了无休止的辩论。 |
| 45 | His parents would reassure him, you won't get stung. | 他的父母会安抚他,你不会被打晕的 |
| 46 | Sammy reminded his parents they were not fortune-telling wizards in four words. | Sammy提醒他的父母,他们不是四个字中的算命巫师。 |
| 47 | How do you know? | 你怎么会知道? |
| 48 | This phobia was stealing Sammy's childhood, one sunny summer day at a time. | 这种恐惧症是偷走了Sammy的童年 一次阳光灿烂的夏天 |
| 49 | When I sing Happy Birthday with a cringing 12-year-old as loudly as possible in the grocery | 当我在杂货店 和12岁的孩子一起唱生日快乐时 |
| 50 | store produce section, when I rank order photos of vomit by chunk level, or, yes, when I lick | 商店制作区,当我按块级排列呕吐物的照片, 或者,是的,当我舔 |
| 51 | my own dirty shoes, I don't just do it for fun, although believe it or not, sometimes | 我自己的脏鞋,我不只是为好玩, 虽然相信与否,有时 |
| 52 | it's very fun. | 这很有趣。 |
| 53 | I do it for kids like Sammy, because there is a method to this madness. | 我这么做是为了Sammy这样的孩子 因为这种疯狂是有办法的 |
| 54 | And after a decade of clinical practice helping kids be brave, it's become clear to me that | 经过十年的临床实践 帮助孩子们勇敢, 变得很清楚, |
| 55 | the method, exposure therapy, isn't just the gold standard treatment for child anxiety | 这个方法,曝光疗法, 不仅仅是金本位治疗儿童焦虑症 |
| 56 | and OCD. | 和OCD。 (中文(简体) ). |
| 57 | It is a secret parenting playbook for raising kids that thrive. | 这是一本秘密的育儿剧本 用来抚养成长的孩子 |
| 58 | I want to share that secret playbook with you today. | 我今天想和你们分享那本秘籍 |
| 59 | But before we talk about what to do, we need to talk about what we are up against. | 但是,在谈论做什么之前,我们需要谈论我们面对什么。 |
| 60 | It's a wild, worried world out there, folks. | 外面的世界很疯狂,很担心 |
| 61 | According to the National Survey of Children's Health, pediatric anxiety diagnoses rose by | 根据全国儿童健康调查,儿科焦虑症诊断呈上升趋势。 |
| 62 | nearly 30% from 2016 to 2019. | 从2016年到2019年,接近30%. |
| 63 | 这是在COVID之前。 | |
| 64 | But you don't need stats or lists. | 但你不需要统计或名单 |
| 65 | You have felt this. | 你已经感觉到了 |
| 66 | Because thanks to evolutionary biology, when kids get anxious, adults get anxious, too. | 因为得益于进化生物学,当孩子感到焦虑时,成年人也会感到焦虑. |
| 67 | Now, I have two girls, and home is the hardest clinic that I have to work in. | 现在,我有两个女儿, 家是我工作最难的诊所。 |
| 68 | When one of my little gals looks up at me with the big teary eyes, aka the mommy bat | 当我的一个小女孩 看着我,大眼泪, |
| 69 | signal, my nervous system does the same thing that yours does. | 我的神经系统和你一样 |
| 70 | It responds as though I have discovered that the kitchen is on fire. | 我发现厨房着火了 |
| 71 | The amygdala, the watchdog in our brain, starts barking, and the fight or flight system kicks | 我们脑中的看门人阿米格达拉 开始吠叫 战斗或飞行系统会踢 |
| 72 | in. | 进去 |
| 73 | And adrenaline surges, and there is this instant, magical transfer of distress. | 肾上腺素激增, 并有这种瞬间,神奇的转移 危难。 |
| 74 | Her emergency becomes my emergency. | 她的紧急情况变成我的紧急情况。 |
| 75 | And in an emergency, what do you do? | 在紧急情况下,你会怎么做? |
| 76 | You rescue the child. | 你来拯救孩子 |
| 77 | Now, I am proof that professional degrees do not make you immune to this. | 现在,我证明 专业学位并不能让你免受这种影响 |
| 78 | In my eldest daughter's four short years of life, I have become a one-woman emotional | 在我大女儿短短的四岁生命中 我变成了一个女人 |
| 79 | SWAT team more times than I can count. | 特警队比我数得多 |
| 80 | I've answered questions for my daughter when she clams up with a new adult. | 我已经为我女儿回答了问题 当她和一个新的成年人在一起。 |
| 81 | I've sacrificed my sleep and allowed our little human space heater into the big bed | 我牺牲了我的睡眠 并允许我们的小 人类空间热器进入大床 |
| 82 | for the night. | 为晚上。 |
| 83 | I have forfeited all privacy while peeing because even that closed bathroom door feels | 我尿尿时失去了所有隐私 因为连那个封闭的浴室门都觉得 |
| 84 | too far away. | 太远了 |
| 85 | Now, all of this is what I call parenting for comfort, and it is the single most natural | 现在,所有这一切,我称之为养育 舒适,这是单一 最自然的 |
| 86 | and well-meaning and deeply flawed thing that we do. | 和善意 和严重缺陷的事情 我们做。 |
| 87 | In the anxiety treatment world, parenting for comfort has another name, accommodation. | 在焦虑治疗世界中,为舒适做父母有另一个名字,即住宿. |
| 88 | In my office, it looks like the parents who removed everything green from the house because | 在我的办公室里 看起来像是父母把房子里的绿色都搬走了 |
| 89 | green meant vomit. | 绿色意味着呕吐。 |
| 90 | In Sammy's case, it looked like kind, loving parents who altered family plans from outdoor | 在Sammy的案例中, 看起来像善良的, 慈爱的父母 谁改变了家庭计划 从户外 |
| 91 | fun to indoor fun. | 室内乐趣。 |
| 92 | No picnics at the park, no meals on the deck at the cabin. | 公园里没有野餐,小屋的甲板上也没有食物. |
| 93 | Parenting for comfort is not limited to the parents of anxious kids. | 父母对舒适的照顾并不限于焦虑孩子的父母. |
| 94 | It's also the common thread in the last 30 years of parenting trends, from the helicopter | 这也是过去30年的家长潮流中常见的线索 从直升机上 |
| 95 | parenting of yore to the gentle parenting of today. | 今天的温柔的为人父母 |
| 96 | All of it is rooted in this idea that healthy is a synonym for happy, but I have watched | 所有这一切都植根于这个想法 健康是快乐的同义词 但我已经看到 |
| 97 | this approach play out hundreds of times in my office, and I can tell you there are three | 这个方法在我的办公室里玩了几百次, 我可以告诉你,有3次 |
| 98 | big problems with parenting for comfort. | 给人以安慰是一大问题 |
| 99 | First, it places an incredible burden on parents. | 首先,这给父母带来了令人难以置信的负担。 |
| 100 | It turns us into this stressed out member of the feeling secret service tasked with | 这使我们变成了一个 紧张的成员 感觉特勤局的任务 |
| 101 | controlling something we just can't, another person's emotional experience. | 控制我们无法控制的东西, 另一个人的情感体验。 |
| 102 | Second, it teaches kids that hard feelings are an emergency. | 第二,它教孩子们 难感是一种紧急情况。 |
| 103 | When we cancel that picnic in July or open the bathroom door midstream, we may not say | 当我们取消7月的野餐 或者打开浴室的中游门 我们可能不会说 |
| 104 | it, but our actions shout, this feeling is a problem. | 但是我们的行动大声喊着 这种感觉是个问题 |
| 105 | Third, it doesn't work. | 第三无功用. |
| 106 | We can't eliminate the pain or mistakes of childhood. | 我们不能消除童年的痛苦或错误. |
| 107 | They're a part of the process of growing up. | 它们是成长过程的一部分. |
| 108 | We cannot guarantee emotional comfort when discomfort is a side effect of being alive. | 当不适是活着的副作用时,我们无法保证情感上的舒适. |
| 109 | If life won't promise comfort, our parenting can't either. | 如果生活不答应安慰 我们的养育也不能 |
| 110 | Instead of parenting for comfort, we need to be parenting for confidence. | 而不是为了安慰而为人父母,我们需要为了信心而为人父母。 |
| 111 | When you parent for confidence, you flip the script. | 当你父母为了自信,你翻转脚本。 |
| 112 | Our goal is not to get rid of anxiety, uncertainty, or distress. | 我们的目标不是消除焦虑、不确定或痛苦。 |
| 113 | Our goal is to build coping efficacy, what I call handleability. | 我们的目标是建立应对效能,我称之为可处理性。 |
| 114 | This deep in your bones belief, I can handle it. | 这么深的骨头信念,我可以处理它。 |
| 115 | That is the heart of exposure therapy and the key to raising kids that thrive. | 这是接触疗法的核心 也是养育成长的孩子的关键 |
| 116 | Not avoiding hard feelings, but experiencing them and still saying, I can do this. | 不是逃避痛苦的感情,而是经历这些感情,并且仍然说,我可以做到这一点。 |
| 117 | Our kids don't require a comfortable life. | 我们的孩子不需要一个舒适的生活。 |
| 118 | They need comfort with discomfort. | 他们需要安慰与不适。 |
| 119 | So how do you do this? | 那么,你怎么做到这一点? |
| 120 | How do you parent for handleability? | 你父母怎么处理? |
| 121 | When Sammy got to me, all that he and his parents had tried hadn't really worked, | Sammy找到我时 他和他的父母尝试过的一切 都没有真正工作 |
| 122 | and he was waiting to see if I would waste his time too. | 他等着看我会不会浪费他的时间 |
| 123 | But I surprised him. | 但我惊讶他。 |
| 124 | Rather than reassurance or relaxation or distraction with Sammy and with hundreds of other kids, | 而不是让Sammy和数百个其他孩子放心 放松或分心 |
| 125 | I used the recipe that exposure therapists have relied on for decades. | 我用的是接触治疗师几十年来所依赖的食谱。 |
| 126 | A plus B equals C. | 甲加乙等于丙为丙. |
| 127 | Anxiety plus bravery equals confidence. | 焦虑加勇敢等于自信 |
| 128 | Notice anxiety is not the problem. | 注意焦虑不是问题 |
| 129 | It's a core ingredient. | 这是核心成分 |
| 130 | It's actually central to how the brain learns safety through what's called inhibitory learning. | 它实际上是大脑如何通过所谓的抑制性学习来学习安全的核心. |
| 131 | Bravery only rewires the brain when fear is present. | 勇敢只有在恐惧存在时才能重新连接大脑. |
| 132 | No one gets confident they can handle hard stuff without handling hard stuff. | 没有人相信他们能处理硬的东西 不处理硬的东西。 |
| 133 | I explained to Sammy that worry is a bossy bully, but bullies stop messing with you once | 我跟山米解释过 担心是霸道欺负 但霸道欺负你一次 |
| 134 | you say no. | 你说不。 |
| 135 | In order to shrink worry, he needed to show that bully who's boss through practice being | 为了减轻担忧 他需要让那个恶霸 通过练习成为老大 |
| 136 | brave. | 勇敢点 |
| 137 | 当然 Sammy立刻被我的解释说服了 就像 Katherine | |
| 138 | absolutely. | 当然 |
| 139 | Give me some bees. | 给我一些蜜蜂。 |
| 140 | No. | 没有 |
| 141 | Oh my gosh. | 天呐 |
| 142 | He was like, uh, thanks, hot take. | 他就像,呃,谢谢,热的。 |
| 143 | I will consider that. | 我会考虑的 |
| 144 | But this is where grownups come in. | 但这就是大人来的地方 |
| 145 | A growing body of research from Yale Child Study Center and others shows that we as parents | 耶鲁儿童研究中心和其他人越来越多的研究显示,我们是父母。 |
| 146 | can change child anxiety just by changing our own behavior. | 改变我们自己的行为 就能改变孩子的焦虑 |
| 147 | If we parents go from prioritizing comfort through accommodation to prioritizing confidence | 如果我们的父母从优先的舒适 住宿到优先的自信 |
| 148 | through practice, we can make it much more likely that kids will take that leap into | 通过练习 我们可以让孩子们更可能 跳跃到 |
| 149 | brave action. | 勇敢的行动。 |
| 150 | Parenting for confidence means supporting kids at each step of the ABC recipe. | 为自信而做父母意味着在ABC配方的每一步都支持孩子. |
| 151 | It means creating opportunities for anxiety through adventure. | 这意味着通过冒险创造焦虑的机会. |
| 152 | No kid jumps off the high dive if you never take them to the pool. | 如果你不带孩子去游泳池 就不会有小孩跳下高潜 |
| 153 | I asked Sammy's parents to give him some confidence building opportunities by resuming their family's | 我要求Sammy的父母给他一些建立信任的机会 通过恢复他们的家人 |
| 154 | summer fun. | 夏乐. |
| 155 | Walk to ice cream, smell the flowers, eat the watermelon on the cabin deck. | 走到冰激凌,闻到花香,吃小屋甲板上的西瓜. |
| 156 | Parenting for confidence also means be the bravery you wish to see in your child. | 为自信而做父母,也意味着你希望看到孩子的勇敢。 |
| 157 | Show your kid that they can handle this by modeling it. | 告诉你的孩子,他们可以处理 通过模型它。 |
| 158 | Do the scary thing. | 做吓人的事 |
| 159 | Sammy's parents didn't make Sammy go outside on the deck, but they did go out there and | 山米的父母没有让山米去外面的甲板, 但是他们确实去那里, |
| 160 | enjoy some watermelon despite the wasps. | 喜欢一些西瓜 尽管黄蜂。 |
| 161 | This is jumping in the pool and showing the water's fine. | 这是跳进游泳池 显示水的罚款。 |
| 162 | Third, we need to celebrate confidence building actions. | 第三,我们需要庆祝建立信任的行动。 |
| 163 | Cheer for and reward those brave steps. | 欢呼和奖励这些勇敢的台阶. |
| 164 | Brave is hard work, and hard work deserves reward. | 勇敢是艰苦的工作,艰苦的工作应该得到奖励. |
| 165 | Sammy built a bravery ladder to face his fears. | 萨米为面对他的恐惧而建造了一座勇敢的梯子. |
| 166 | It went from bee pictures to videos to Dan. | 从蜜蜂照片到视频 都变成了丹 |
| 167 | Dan is a dead bee in a jar in my office. | 丹是我办公室罐子里的一只死蜜蜂 |
| 168 | And finally, real bees. | 最后,真正的蜜蜂们。 |
| 169 | Each step earned brave points, which Sammy cashed in for trips to new restaurants. | 每一步都收获了勇敢的分数,山姆为了去新餐馆而兑现了这些分数. |
| 170 | Now at this point, a warning. | 现在,一个警告。 |
| 171 | Parenting for confidence is brave parenting. | 为自信而养育是勇敢的养育。 |
| 172 | It asks for bravery from kids, yes, but it requires bravery from parents. | 它要求孩子们勇敢,是的,但它需要父母的勇敢。 |
| 173 | Watching your kid panic before the hockey game and sending them out onto that ice anyway. | 看着你孩子在冰球比赛前惊慌失措 把他们送到冰上 |
| 174 | Asking them to eat in the den of snakes that is a middle school lunch room. | 要求他们在蛇穴里吃饭 那是中学午餐室 |
| 175 | Or if you are me, peeling your protesting one year old off your body, | 或者,如果你是我, 剥你的抗议 一岁 从你的身体, |
| 176 | passing them to a teacher at daycare, and | 把他们送到托儿所的老师那里, |
| 177 | then walking out the door before bursting into tears. | 然后走出门,然后流泪 |
| 178 | This is incredibly emotionally hard. | 这是令人难以置信的情感困难。 |
| 179 | These actions ask us to place a bet on our child's ability to cope when they | 这些行动要求我们打赌 我们的孩子的能力 当他们 |
| 180 | themselves are screaming, don't bet on me. | 他们自己在尖叫, 不要赌我。 |
| 181 | But here's the secret. | 但这是秘密 |
| 182 | The same way this anxious kids can transfer their anxiety to adults, | 同样的,这些焦虑的孩子 可以转移他们的焦虑 成年人, |
| 183 | adults can transfer their own confidence to kids. | 成年人可以把自己的信心转移给孩子. |
| 184 | Thanks to social referencing, or how kids look to adults to gauge safety, | 多亏了社会参考 或孩子们如何看待成年人来衡量安全 |
| 185 | if we stand our ground and remain calm, we can lend our kids a nervous system. | 如果我们站稳脚跟 保持冷静 我们可以给我们的孩子一个神经系统 |
| 186 | Our job during that wave of anxiety is not to get kids off the ride, but | 我们在这段焦虑的浪潮中的工作 不是让孩子们下车,而是 |
| 187 | to be their warm, steady anchor, a lap bar on the roller coaster of distress. | 成为他们的温暖,稳定的锚, 一个大腿棒 在过山的危难。 |
| 188 | The secure base that says, come what may, I love you, | 安全基地说,来吧,我爱你 |
| 189 | I will always love you, no matter what. | 无论怎样,我都会永远爱你 |
| 190 | You want confident kids? | 你想要自信的孩子吗? |
| 191 | Let them struggle, not suffer, struggle. | 让他们奋斗,不要受苦,斗争. |
| 192 | Because confidence doesn't come from praise or protection. | 因为信心并非来自赞美或保护. |
| 193 | It comes from practice, practice being scared and doing it anyway. | 它来自练习,练习 害怕和做它。 |
| 194 | It is hard, but it's worth it. | 很难,但值得 |
| 195 | Because here's the best part, bravery is contagious. | 因为这是最好的部分,勇敢是传染性的。 |
| 196 | One act of courage lights the way for the next, | 勇气的一举一动 照亮了未来的道路, |
| 197 | not just for your kid, but for the people around them. | 不只是为你的孩子, 而且为周围的人。 |
| 198 | The kid who faces their fear of bees doesn't just play outside again. | 面对对蜜蜂的恐惧的孩子不再只是在外面玩了. |
| 199 | They raise their hand in class. | 他们在课堂上举手. |
| 200 | They try out for the school play. | 他们试演学校剧。 |
| 201 | They speak up when something is wrong, because they start to ask, | 当事情不对劲时,他们会大声说,因为他们开始问, |
| 202 | what else am I capable of? | 我还能做什么? |
| 203 | And when they do, someone else gets a little braver too. | 而当他们这样做,别人 得到一点点勇敢。 |
| 204 | By facing fear to do what matters, | 面对恐惧 做什么重要的事情, |
| 205 | you give others the faith that they can do the same. | 你让别人相信他们也能这样做 |
| 206 | That is why this work matters, not just so your child feels less anxious, but | 这就是为什么这工作很重要, 不只是让你的孩子觉得 不那么焦虑, |
| 207 | because all of our children are inheriting a world of hard, | 因为我们所有的孩子 继承了一个艰难的世界, |
| 208 | complicated problems, polarized communities, economic disruption, | 复杂问题、两极分化的社区、经济混乱、 |
| 209 | global uncertainty. | 全球不确定性。 |
| 210 | These challenges won't be solved by people who need to feel good before they act. | 这些挑战不会被行动前需要感觉良好的人解决. |
| 211 | They'll be solved by people who can say, this is hard, but I can handle it. | 他们可以解决的人 谁可以说,这是困难的, 但我可以处理它。 |
| 212 | In short, brave people. | 简而言之,勇敢的人。 |
| 213 | Parenting for confidence is not a luxury. | 为自信而养育不是奢侈品。 |
| 214 | It is a legacy. | 这是一个遗产。 |
| 215 | Because brave parenting creates brave kids. | 因为勇敢的养育会创造勇敢的孩子. |
| 216 | And brave kids are the ones that will change the world. | 勇敢的孩子才是改变世界的人 |
| 217 | So what happened with Sammy? | 萨姆怎么了? |
| 218 | That is the kid that wouldn't take an apple on a walk. | 那孩子不会在散步时带走苹果 |
| 219 | He looks good in the suit, doesn't he? | 他穿着西装看起来不错,不是吗? |
| 220 | There he is. | 他来了 |
| 221 | And actually, here he is. | 实际上,他在这里。 |
| 222 | And he is not alone. | 他并不孤单。 |
| 223 | Friends, meet your world changers. | 朋友们,见见你们的世界变迁者。 |
| 224 | And while you look up here at all of this bravery, think of the kids that you know | 当你抬头看这些勇敢的时候 想想你认识的孩子 |
| 225 | and love. | 和爱。 |
| 226 | What sign do you want that child to be able to hold six months from now or 10 | 你希望那孩子能撑六个月还是10个月 |
| 227 | years from now? | 几年以后吗? |
| 228 | What sign will you hold to show them the way? | 你将持有什么标志来指引他们的道路? |
| 229 | What shoe are you ready to lick? | 你准备舔什么鞋? |
| 230 | Revolutions begin with one person doing something hard on purpose where others can | 革命从一个人故意做坏事开始 别人可以 |
| 231 | see. | 看到没? |
| 232 | So please, let's get uncomfortable together. | 所以,请让我们一起感到不舒服。 |
| 233 | Let's thrive together. | 我们一起兴旺吧 |
| 234 | And let's raise them brave. | 让我们勇敢地抚养他们 |
| 235 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 236 | Let's thrive together. | 我们一起兴旺吧 |
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