TED演讲：快乐人生揭秘——跨时八十年研究分享
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | Hello, everybody. | 哈罗,大家好。 |
| 0:04 | I am delighted to be here and grateful to all of you for joining us | 我很高兴来到这里,感谢大家加入我们 |
| 0:11 | for this discussion. | 本次讨论。 |
| 0:15 | In 2015, I gave a TEDx talk in a little elementary school auditorium. | 2015年,我在一所小小学礼堂做了TEDx演讲. |
| 0:24 | And much to my surprise, the talk became one of the 10 most viewed talks in the history | 令人惊讶的是,这次谈话成为了有史以来 最受欢迎的10次会谈之一 |
| 0:31 | (原始内容存档于2019-03-21). Official website (TED). | |
| 0:34 | And in that talk, I conveyed one simple scientific finding, the finding that when | 在那次演讲中,我传达了一个简单的科学发现,即当 |
| 0:41 | we study hundreds of people over their entire adult lives, the people who turn out to be | 我们研究成百上千的人 在他们的整个成年生活, 人谁变成 |
| 0:48 | the happiest and the healthiest are those who have good, warm connections to others. | 最幸福、最健康的人就是那些与他人有良好、温暖关系的人。 |
| 0:56 | So today, I want to take you deeper into this whole subject by exploring how relationships | 因此,今天,我想让你更深入地 进入整个主题 通过探索如何关系 |
展开字幕全文（426 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hello, everybody. | 哈罗,大家好。 |
| 2 | I am delighted to be here and grateful to all of you for joining us | 我很高兴来到这里,感谢大家加入我们 |
| 3 | for this discussion. | 本次讨论。 |
| 4 | In 2015, I gave a TEDx talk in a little elementary school auditorium. | 2015年,我在一所小小学礼堂做了TEDx演讲. |
| 5 | And much to my surprise, the talk became one of the 10 most viewed talks in the history | 令人惊讶的是,这次谈话成为了有史以来 最受欢迎的10次会谈之一 |
| 6 | (原始内容存档于2019-03-21). Official website (TED). | |
| 7 | And in that talk, I conveyed one simple scientific finding, the finding that when | 在那次演讲中,我传达了一个简单的科学发现,即当 |
| 8 | we study hundreds of people over their entire adult lives, the people who turn out to be | 我们研究成百上千的人 在他们的整个成年生活, 人谁变成 |
| 9 | the happiest and the healthiest are those who have good, warm connections to others. | 最幸福、最健康的人就是那些与他人有良好、温暖关系的人。 |
| 10 | So today, I want to take you deeper into this whole subject by exploring how relationships | 因此,今天,我想让你更深入地 进入整个主题 通过探索如何关系 |
| 11 | matter in our lives, how they affect our health, what kinds of relationships give us this big | 如何影响我们的健康 什么样的关系给我们带来这么大的 |
| 12 | benefit in happiness, and which tools you can start using today to make your relationship stronger. | 和哪些工具你可以开始使用今天 使你的关系变得更强。 |
| 13 | So I do direct this Harvard study of adult development. | 所以我指导了哈佛的成人发展研究。 |
| 14 | It's, as far as we know, the longest | 据我们所知,是最长的 |
| 15 | study of the same people that's ever been done following people since 1938, from adolescents | 从1938年起就跟随青少年学习过的人 |
| 16 | all the way through old age, and now following all their children, thousands of lives. | 现在跟随他们的孩子 数千条生命 |
| 17 | And we | 我们 |
| 18 | began to find, about 30 years ago, this startling connection between warm relationships and how | 30年前 开始发现 温暖的关系 是如何 |
| 19 | good our lives feel to us, our well-being, and also the fact that warm relationships | 我们的幸福 以及温暖的关系 |
| 20 | seemed to keep people both physically stronger and kept their brains sharper as they grew older. | 似乎使人们身体更强壮 脑部更锋利 随着他们长大 |
| 21 | And we didn't believe the data at first. | 我们起初不相信数据。 |
| 22 | We thought, how could this be that relationships | 我们想,怎么会是这种关系? |
| 23 | actually get into our bodies and shape our health? | 真正进入我们的身体 并塑造我们的健康? |
| 24 | But then other studies began to find | 但后来其他研究开始发现 |
| 25 | the same thing. | 同样的事情。 |
| 26 | We found that people had less depression, they were less likely to get diabetes | 我们发现人们的抑郁症较少, 他们不太可能患糖尿病 |
| 27 | and heart disease, that they recovered faster from illness when they had better connections | 和心脏病, 他们从疾病恢复得更快 当他们有更好的联系 |
| 28 | with other people. | 和别人 |
| 29 | So then the question is, how could this work? | 那么问题是,这怎么行呢? |
| 30 | How do relationships shape our | 关系如何塑造我们 |
| 31 | happiness and our physical health? | 快乐和身体健康? |
| 32 | Well, one of the best theories, for which there's now some | 好吧,最好的理论之一, 现在有一些 |
| 33 | good evidence, is based on the idea of stress. | 良好的证据,是基于压力的想法。 |
| 34 | That, as we know, stress is an inevitable part | 我们知道,压力是不可避免的 |
| 35 | of all of our lives. | 我们所有的生命。 |
| 36 | Stress happens to us every day. | 我们每天都有压力 |
| 37 | And what we find is that good relationships | 我们发现的就是良好的关系 |
| 38 | turn out to be stress regulators. | 变成压力调节器 |
| 39 | So let me give you an example. | 让我举个例子。 |
| 40 | Let's say that I have something | 这么说吧 我有东西 |
| 41 | upsetting happen to me during the day, and I find myself ruminating about it and really thinking | 白天我心烦意乱,我发现自己在反省,真的在想 |
| 42 | about it and unhappy. | 关于它和不高兴。 |
| 43 | I can feel my body go into what we call fight or flight response, | 我能感觉到我的身体进入我们所说的战斗或飞行反应, |
| 44 | where literally my heart rate goes up and I might start sweating a little bit, | 从字面上说,我的心率上升, 我可能开始出汗一点点, |
| 45 | and I'm just not feeling as well. | 我只是感觉不太好。 |
| 46 | Now, what we're meant to do is to come back to equilibrium | 现在我们要做的是回到平衡 |
| 47 | when a stressor goes away. | 当压力消失时 |
| 48 | That's the way the body's supposed to work. | 即是体性无碍. |
| 49 | But what happens | 但会发生什么 |
| 50 | if I go home at the end of my upsetting day and I have somebody to talk to? | 如果我在烦恼的一天结束时回家... ...我还有人要和他谈谈? |
| 51 | Either I can call | 要么我打电话 |
| 52 | someone on the phone or it's somebody I live with. | 打电话的人 或者是我和他住在一起的人 |
| 53 | I can literally feel my body calm down. | 我可以感觉到我的身体冷静下来。 |
| 54 | I can feel that fight or flight response subside. | 我能感觉到战斗或飞行反应减弱了 |
| 55 | But what if I don't have anybody to go home to? | 但如果我没有人可以回家呢? |
| 56 | What if there's nobody I can call? | 如果没有人我可以打电话呢? |
| 57 | What we find is that people who are isolated, are lonely, | 我们发现,那些孤立,孤独的人, |
| 58 | don't have those stress regulators that we get from good relationships. | 没有那些压力调节 我们从良好的关系。 |
| 59 | And that we stay | 而我们留下 |
| 60 | in chronic fight or flight mode, that our bodies have this chronic stress, chronic levels of | 在长期搏斗或飞行模式下, 我们的身体有这种长期的压力, 慢性水平 |
| 61 | inflammation and circulating stress hormones that wear away our happiness and break down | 炎症和循环 压力激素 耗尽我们的幸福和破解 |
| 62 | different body systems. | 不同的身体系统。 |
| 63 | Well, what kinds of relationships seem essential to well-being? | 那么,什么样的关系 似乎对福祉至关重要? |
| 64 | And this is interesting. | 这很有趣。 |
| 65 | We asked people who were our original participants in our study, | 我们问那些最初参加我们研究的人 |
| 66 | we asked them, who could you call in the middle of the night if you were sick or scared? | 我们问他们 如果你生病或害怕 你半夜能给谁打电话? |
| 67 | And many of our people could list several other people they could call if they were in trouble. | 我们很多人可以列出其他几个人 如果有麻烦,他们可以打电话。 |
| 68 | Some people couldn't list anyone. | 有些人不能列出任何人。 |
| 69 | There wasn't a person on the planet who they could turn to if | 地球上没有一个人 他们可以转向,如果 |
| 70 | they were sick or scared. | 他们生病或害怕。 |
| 71 | And what we find is that having at least one person in your life | 我们发现你一生中至少有一个人 |
| 72 | who you feel really has your back, who you could go to if you were in trouble, | 你感觉自己真的有你的背, 如果你有麻烦,你可以去找谁, |
| 73 | that's essential for maintaining our happiness and our health. | 这对维持我们的幸福和健康至关重要。 |
| 74 | When we asked these same people, | 当我们问这些人, |
| 75 | when they got to be in their 80s, to look back on their lives and to tell us what they were proudest | 当他们八十多岁时,回顾他们的生活,告诉我们他们最骄傲的事 |
| 76 | of, almost everybody said something about their relationships. | 几乎每个人都说 他们的关系。 |
| 77 | They didn't say, | 他们没有说, |
| 78 | I made a lot of money or I won some big awards. | 我赚了很多钱 或者我得到了一些大奖。 |
| 79 | They said, I was a good mentor. | 他们说我是个好导师 |
| 80 | I was a good | 我是个好人 |
| 81 | friend. | 哥们儿 |
| 82 | I raised healthy kids. | 我养了健康的孩子。 |
| 83 | I was a good partner. | 我是一个很好的伙伴。 |
| 84 | And so what we find is that what seems | 所以,我们发现的是,似乎 |
| 85 | to mean the most to people when they get to the end of their lives is the strength and the warmth | 当人们到达生命的尽头时, 意义最大的是力量和温暖 |
| 86 | of their connections to others. | 他们与他人的关系。 |
| 87 | So then the question comes up, well, which types of relationships | 那么问题就出现了,哪类关系 |
| 88 | support our well-being? | 支持我们的福祉? |
| 89 | Some people have asked, do I need to be in an intimate relationship to get | 有人问,我是否需要 在一个亲密的关系 |
| 90 | this benefit? | 这个好处? |
| 91 | Absolutely not. | 绝对不是。 |
| 92 | All types of relationships support our well-being. | 各种关系都支持我们的福祉。 |
| 93 | So | 这么说 |
| 94 | friendships, relatives, work colleagues, casual contacts, the person who gets you your coffee | 朋友 亲戚 同事 临时联系人 帮你买咖啡的人 |
| 95 | every morning at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, the person who checks you out in the grocery store, | 每天早上在星巴克或Dunkin甜甜圈, 在杂货店检查你的人, |
| 96 | who you see maybe every week, even talking to strangers has that benefit. | 你可能每周都见到他 甚至和陌生人说话都有好处 |
| 97 | So they did an | 所以他们做了一个 |
| 98 | experiment where they assigned some people who were about to go on the subway, the task of talking | 在那里,他们分配了一些人 谁即将上地铁, 谈话的任务 |
| 99 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH | |
| 100 | their phones or listening to music or reading. | 他们的电话或听音乐或阅读。 |
| 101 | It turned out that the people who were assigned to | 结果发现那些被派去... |
| 102 | strangers didn't think they were going to like it, but they turned out to be much happier | 陌生人不认为他们会喜欢 但结果他们更快乐 |
| 103 | at the end of the task than the people who just rode the subway keeping to themselves. | 在任务结束时 比那些刚坐地铁的人要保守秘密 |
| 104 | So even | 所以连 |
| 105 | talking to strangers gives us that little hit of well-being from relationships. | 和陌生人谈话 给我们带来幸福感 |
| 106 | So the question | 所以问题 |
| 107 | comes up, how can we strengthen our connections with other people? | 我们怎样才能加强我们与其他人的联系? |
| 108 | And this is where we've come to | 这就是我们来的地方 |
| 109 | think about it as a kind of social fitness. | 把它视为一种社交健身 |
| 110 | If we think about physical fitness, we think, | 如果我们考虑身体健康,我们想, |
| 111 | okay, I'll go to the gym, I'll work out, I'll take a long walk, I'll do something to keep myself | 好吧,我去健身房,我会锻炼,我会走很长的路,我会做一些事情来保持自己 |
| 112 | strong and fit. | 强壮又合身 |
| 113 | But then we come home and we don't say, I'm done, I don't ever have to do that again. | 但是,然后我们回家,我们不说, 我结束了,我再也不做。 |
| 114 | We have the sense that physical fitness is a practice that we need to maintain over time. | 我们感到,身体健康是我们需要长期保持的一种做法。 |
| 115 | It turns out that social fitness is the same, that in fact, our friendships, our relationships | 原来社会健身是一样的,事实上,我们的友谊,我们的关系 |
| 116 | don't just take care of themselves, that even good relationships need tending to, they need | 不要只是照顾自己, 即使良好的关系需要照顾, 他们需要 |
| 117 | attention, they need returning to them over and over again. | 注意,他们需要一次又一次地回到他们身边。 |
| 118 | So what are some ways that we can | 我们能用什么方法 |
| 119 | strengthen our relationships? | 加强我们的关系? |
| 120 | Well, one way is to be proactive, to take the initiative. | 一种方法是主动主动主动 |
| 121 | So to reach | 为了达到 |
| 122 | out to a friend and ask her to take a walk instead of spending two more hours on your laptop | 去找一个朋友 让她出去走走 而不是多花两个小时在你的笔记本电脑上 |
| 123 | this weekend on Saturday afternoon. | 这个周末是星期六下午 |
| 124 | Establish some routines with the people who are most important | 和最重要的人一起做一些例行公事 |
| 125 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}给你一个正常的电话 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}或咖啡 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}每周六跟一个你真正想要确定的人 | |
| 126 | you see regularly, or meeting somebody at the gym or having lunch with a coworker. | 你经常看到,或者在健身房见人 或和同事共进午餐。 |
| 127 | The other thing | 还有一件事 |
| 128 | we can do is liven up those long-standing relationships, particularly like the people | 我们能做的就是恢复这些长期的关系 特别是像人们一样 |
| 129 | we live with, people we can come to take for granted by proposing to do something new, | 和我们一起生活的人, 我们可以认为理所当然 通过建议做一些新的, |
| 130 | going out on a date, just taking a walk if that's not your usual routine. | 出去约会,只是散步 如果这不是你通常的习惯。 |
| 131 | The other thing that we | 还有一件事,我们 |
| 132 | know works to help people, particularly who aren't as connected to others as they want to be, | 知道工作帮助人, 特别是谁没有 与其他人的联系 他们想成为, |
| 133 | is to connect around shared interests. | 将共同利益联系起来。 |
| 134 | So volunteer in the community to do something that you care | 所以在社区里自愿做一些你在乎的事 |
| 135 | about. | 有关。 |
| 136 | It might be a gardening club, it might be a bowling league, it might be a political cause, | 它可能是一个园艺俱乐部, 它可能是一个保龄球联赛, 它可能是一个政治事业, |
| 137 | but to do something that you care about because then you're with other people who care about the | 但做一些你关心的事 因为那时你和其他人 谁关心 |
| 138 | same thing and that's a natural place to start conversations that can lead to ongoing relationships. | 同样的事情,这是一个自然的地方 开始对话,可以导致持续的关系。 |
| 139 | And finally, get more comfortable striking up casual conversations. | 最后,让大家更舒服地开始闲聊 |
| 140 | That's something we can | 这是我们可以做的 |
| 141 | learn to be more comfortable with, almost like exercising a muscle. | 学着更自在 就像锻炼肌肉一样 |
| 142 | So now I would like to ask | 所以现在我想问 |
| 143 | you to do one of these things, to make one of these choices that we can make every day. | 你做这些事情之一, 做出这些选择之一 我们可以每天做出。 |
| 144 | I'd like you | 我想让你 |
| 145 | make that choice right now. | 现在就做这个选择 |
| 146 | Here's my challenge to you. | 这是我的挑战 |
| 147 | Think about someone you miss, that you | 想想你想念的人,你是谁 |
| 148 | just haven't seen in a while or you haven't had contact with and you'd like to make contact. | 有段时间没看见了 或者你没有接触过 而且你想联系 |
| 149 | You don't even have to have a particular reason. | 你甚至没有 特别的理由。 |
| 150 | Now, I want you to take out your phone or whatever | 现在,我要你拿出你的手机或什么的 |
| 151 | device you use right now and send that person just a little note. | 你现在用的设备 给那个人发个小信 |
| 152 | It could say, I'm just thinking | 它可能说,我只是在想 |
| 153 | of you and wanted to connect, or you could say something more personal to you and to your | 想要联结起来, 或者你可以说一些 对你和你的私人 |
| 154 | relationship, and then watch what comes back to you. | 关系,然后看 回到你身上。 |
| 155 | And while we're here, we might even have time | 当我们在这里,我们甚至可能有时间 |
| 156 | to share with each other some of the responses that people get when they do this. | 互相分享人们在这样做时得到的一些回应。 |
| 157 | So think of someone | 所以想一个人 |
| 158 | and make contact right now. | 马上联系我 |
| 159 | The point of this simple exercise is to remind us that even small | 这个简单的练习的要点是提醒我们,即使很小, |
| 160 | actions can have ripple effects that build our wellbeing and that these are things you can do | 行动可以产生连锁效应 建立我们的福祉 这些是你能够做的 |
| 161 | every day in the moment. | 每天在那一刻。 |
| 162 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 163 | One way I'd love to kick things off, Bob, | 一种方式,我喜欢踢东西,鲍勃, |
| 164 | you mentioned at the top of the conversation, the top of your talk rather, that you run this | 你在谈话的顶端, 你说话的顶端,你运行这个 |
| 165 | Harvard study of adult development and gave us sort of a snippet of what that is. | 哈佛大学对成人发展的研究, 并给出了我们一个小片段。 |
| 166 | But could you | 但你可以吗? |
| 167 | tell us a little bit more about the study? | 告诉我们更多的研究? |
| 168 | What does it track? | 它追踪到什么? |
| 169 | Why did it start? | 为什么开始? |
| 170 | Who's in the study | 谁在书房 |
| 171 | today? | 今天吗? |
| 172 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 173 | The study started in 1938, and it started with two groups, a group of Harvard | 研究始于1938年,开始于两组,一组是哈佛大学 |
| 174 | college undergrads, and it started with a group of inner city boys who were in elementary school or | 大学的低年级,开始于一些 内城的男孩在小学或 |
| 175 | from really disadvantaged, troubled families. | 来自非常不利,麻烦的家庭。 |
| 176 | And each study was trying to look at how people can | 每一个研究都试图研究人们如何能够 |
| 177 | take healthy developmental paths. | 走上健康的发展道路。 |
| 178 | And so the idea was not to study what goes wrong in our lives, | 所以这个想法不是研究我们生活中的错 |
| 179 | but what goes right in our lives and some of the factors that contribute to helping things go well | 但是我们生活中的正确之处 和一些有助于帮助事物顺利发展的因素 |
| 180 | in human development. | 在人类发展方面。 |
| 181 | Needless to say, we started out with boys, all males, but we've added women. | 不用说,我们一开始是男的,都是男的,但我们增加了女的。 |
| 182 | We have more than half women now, and we've added the second generation. | 我们现在有一半以上的妇女,我们增加了第二代. |
| 183 | So we started out with 724 | 我们从724开始 |
| 184 | people. | 人们 |
| 185 | Now we have over 2000 people in our study, and we're still collecting data today. | 现在我们的研究中有2000多人, 我们今天仍在收集数据。 |
| 186 | Wow. | 珃 |
| 187 | And I know in the book, you talk about how the advice you offer, the wisdom you offer, | 我在书里知道,你谈到你的建议,你提供的智慧, |
| 188 | is not just drawn from your own study, because of some of what you suggested that, you know, | 不只是从你自己的研究中抽出来, 因为你建议,你知道, |
| 189 | you're just now starting to bring women and different generations. | 你刚刚开始 带来女人和不同的世代。 |
| 190 | And I guess could you | 我猜你会 |
| 191 | talk about some of the other gaps and why it's been important to also think about some of the | 谈谈其他一些差距 以及为什么还得考虑一下 |
| 192 | other studies out there on life and happiness? | 其他关于生活和幸福的研究? |
| 193 | Yes, that's a really good point, because | 是的,这是个很好的观点,因为 |
| 194 | particularly in this kind of research, no single study is proof of anything. | 特别是在这种研究中,没有一项研究能证明任何事情。 |
| 195 | That what we want is | 我们想要的就是 |
| 196 | for different studies of different populations, so different ethnic groups, different cultural | 对不同人口、不同种族、不同文化 |
| 197 | groups, different geographies, right? | 团体,不同的地理,对不对? |
| 198 | We want different studies to point in the same direction. | 我们希望不同的研究能指向同样的方向. |
| 199 | And that's why I'm here, and I can tell you with confidence, many studies point to all these same | 所以我才来这里 我可以自信地告诉你 很多研究都指出 |
| 200 | benefits of relationships. | 关系的好处。 |
| 201 | And I know you touched on the health element in your talk and share that | 我知道你在谈话中触及健康因素 并分享 |
| 202 | there is data that reveals that we have, that there's a strong connection between happiness | 有数据显示我们有 幸福之间有很强的联系 |
| 203 | and health. | 健康与卫生。 |
| 204 | And what have you specifically found related to happiness and health outcomes? | 你具体发现什么 与幸福和健康结果有关? |
| 205 | What we find is that happiness turns out to make us age more slowly and keep us able longer. | 我们发现,幸福会让我们 年龄变慢,让我们更长。 |
| 206 | So the | 所以说 |
| 207 | diseases of aging that happen to all of us happen later. | 发生在我们所有人身上的衰老疾病后来就会发生。 |
| 208 | Sometimes they don't happen at all. | 有时候它们根本不会发生 |
| 209 | In | 内 |
| 210 | particular, people who are happier have a greater sense of well-being. | 特别是,更幸福的人有更大的幸福感。 |
| 211 | And it's because of what I | 是因为我 |
| 212 | spoke about a few minutes ago, this kind of decrease in chronic inflammation and chronic | 几分钟前说过 慢性炎症和慢性炎 |
| 213 | stress. | 压力 |
| 214 | And so what we find is that we can't guarantee that any one person is going to stay | 所以,我们发现,我们无法保证 任何人将留下 |
| 215 | happier or live longer if they have better relationships. | 如果他们有更好的关系 就会更快乐或更长寿 |
| 216 | But we find that there are these | 但我们发现有这些 |
| 217 | like taking care of your health, not smoking, not abusing alcohol or drugs, exercising regularly, | 就像照顾你的健康, 不吸烟, 不滥用酒精或毒品, 经常锻炼, |
| 218 | getting regular health care, having access to health care. | 获得正规保健,并获得保健服务。 |
| 219 | All of those things really matter | 所有这些事情都很重要 |
| 220 | for our health. | 我们的健康。 |
| 221 | And you start the book with a question. | 你以一个问题开始这本书。 |
| 222 | You say, if you had to make one | 你说,如果你必须做一个 |
| 223 | life choice right now to set yourself on the path to future health and happiness, | 生命的选择,现在让自己 踏上未来健康和幸福的道路, |
| 224 | what would it be? | 会是什么? |
| 225 | And from hearing your talk today, we know that the right answer to that | 从你今天的演讲中, 我们知道正确的答案 |
| 226 | question is to build more warm connections. | 问题是建立更温暖的联系 |
| 227 | But I want to ask you about the use of the word choice | 但我想问你选字的用法 |
| 228 | there. | 这里 |
| 229 | And understanding more about whether or not having warm connections is a choice that we make. | 更了解是否有温暖的连接 是我们做出的选择。 |
| 230 | Or to put it another way, are there qualities that each of us have that maybe make us more | 或者说 换句话说 我们每个人的特质 |
| 231 | social people, that these are just baked into our personalities? | 社会人士, 这些只是烤 我们的人格? |
| 232 | Can we decide to be a person who | 我们能决定成为一个 |
| 233 | has connections? | 有联系吗? |
| 234 | That's a really important point because we differ. | 这很重要,因为我们意见不同。 |
| 235 | We are all different in how | 我们都不同 |
| 236 | much connection we want and benefit from. | 我们想要和受益于许多联系。 |
| 237 | So some of us are introverts and that's just fine. | 所以我们有些人是内向者,这很好。 |
| 238 | That's | 这是 |
| 239 | perfectly normal. | 完全正常。 完全正常。 |
| 240 | And introverts don't want a lot of connections. | 而内道者不欲多络. |
| 241 | In fact, being with a lot of people | 事实上,和很多人在一起 |
| 242 | is exhausting for introverts. | 对内向者来说很累 |
| 243 | And so some people just need one or two good relationships. | 所以有些人只需要一两个好关系 |
| 244 | Everybody | 每个人 |
| 245 | needs a little bit of connection, but some people actually don't need a lot. | 但有些人实际上并不需要太多。 |
| 246 | And so what we want to | 所以,我们想 |
| 247 | do is try to figure out for ourselves what's right for me. | 试着为自己找出什么才是对的 |
| 248 | And that involves really just tuning in | 这涉及到真正的调整 |
| 249 | and saying, okay, I'm energized by being with a lot of people, so I'm going to do that. | 并说,好吧, 我充满活力 与很多人, 所以我要去做到这一点。 |
| 250 | Or no, | 或者没有 |
| 251 | I'm exhausted by being with a lot of people. | 我累透了 和很多人在一起 |
| 252 | For me, a quiet conversation with one person | 对我来说,一个安静的谈话 一个人 |
| 253 | is the most energizing thing I can do in the interpersonal realm. | 这是我在人际交往领域所能做的最激动人心的事。 |
| 254 | And so it's really a matter | 所以这真的是一个问题 |
| 255 | of discerning what's right for each person. | 辨别什么是每个人的权利。 |
| 256 | And what factors have you found contribute to that? | 你发现哪些因素促成了这种情况? |
| 257 | Maybe things from early in life or childhood that might actually shape our ability to make these | 也许从生命早期或童年开始 可能真正塑造我们制造这些东西的能力 |
| 258 | connections later in life? | 晚点再联系? |
| 259 | Yes. | 对 |
| 260 | So many of our social skills we learn when we're growing up, | 我们长大后学会了很多社交技巧 |
| 261 | we learn it in our families, we learn it at school and on the playground. | 在学校和操场上学习 |
| 262 | They can be learned and | 他们可以学习 |
| 263 | they can be improved as we get into adulthood. | 它们可以随着我们成年而改善。 |
| 264 | They're not set in stone once we're done with | 我们一完事,它们就不是石头了 |
| 265 | childhood. | 童年时 |
| 266 | So it's really important to see the ways that, just like some of the suggestions I | 所以,真正重要的是 要看到的方式, 就像一些建议,我 |
| 267 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你能够练习更好的方法 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}因为它真的有回报 | |
| 268 | But some people | 不过有些人 |
| 269 | are not so good at this and they can have perfectly wonderful, happy, healthy lives | 他们不擅长这个 而且他们可以有 完美,快乐,健康的生活 |
| 270 | without being social butterflies and extroverts. | 而不是社交上的蝴蝶和外向者 |
| 271 | And I just want to name that so that people don't | 我只想给它取个名字 这样人们就不会 |
| 272 | go away thinking, gosh, if I'm not an extrovert, I'm out of luck. | 想想吧,天啊,如果我不是外向者,我运气不好 |
| 273 | Not true at all. | 一点也不是真的 |
| 274 | Many of our | 我们的许多 |
| 275 | happiest people had quieter lives. | 最幸福的人的生活比较安静 |
| 276 | And I guess to the tips that you offered in the talk, | 我想你在谈话中提供的提示 |
| 277 | you talked about how we can build warm connections, steps that we can take, | 你谈到我们如何建立温和的联系, 我们可以采取的步骤, |
| 278 | and this idea of social fitness. | 以及这个社会健身的想法。 |
| 279 | And so I'm curious, how can we actually assess our social | 所以我很好奇 我们怎样才能真正评估我们的社交 |
| 280 | fitness? | 健身吗? |
| 281 | And as you said, just sort of understand what is right for us in terms of how many friends | 正如你说的,只是有点理解 什么是对我们正确的,从有多少朋友 |
| 282 | to have? | 拥有? |
| 283 | And is it possible to sustain warm relationships if you aren't really intentional | 如果你真的不是故意的 也可以保持温暖的关系 |
| 284 | in thinking about your social fitness? | 考虑你的社交健身? |
| 285 | That question of how do we assess our social fitness? | 我们如何评估我们的社交健身问题? |
| 286 | It's really checking in and saying, am I as connected as I would like to be to other people? | 我是不是和我想和其他人一样有联系? |
| 287 | And if I'm not, what am I missing? | 如果我没有,我错过了什么? |
| 288 | So not all relationships provide us with the same stuff. | 所以并不是所有的关系都给我们提供同样的东西。 |
| 289 | Some relationships are relationships we have because they're fun, you know? | 有些关系是我们有的关系 因为它们很有趣,你知道吗? |
| 290 | And so they're | 所以他们是 |
| 291 | people I like to go out and party with. | 我喜欢出去玩玩的人 |
| 292 | Some relationships are the relationships that help | 有些关系是有用的 |
| 293 | me when I'm scared or hurting or worried about something and I need someone to talk things over | 当我害怕或伤害或担心什么 我需要有人来谈谈事情 |
| 294 | with. | 带。 |
| 295 | I need a sounding board, a good advisor. | 我需要一个监听板 一个很好的顾问 |
| 296 | Some relationships are the people who, you know, | 有些关系是,你知道, |
| 297 | loan me tools when I need to fix something and I don't have the right tool or give me a ride to | 当我需要修东西时借我工具 我没有合适的工具或者送我到 |
| 298 | the doctor. | 医生 |
| 299 | So part of it is checking in about what am I missing and then seeing what might be | 所以其中一部分是查一下我错过了什么 然后看看可能是什么 |
| 300 | in terms of developing more of the relationships that give us the things we want more of. | 发展更多的关系 给我们更多的东西 |
| 301 | And along those same lines, Ted member Tiana wants to know how do we define if a relationship | 同样地,Ted成员Tiana想知道我们如何定义关系 |
| 302 | is actually meaningful or not? | 到底有没有意义? |
| 303 | I mean, it sounds like understanding what these voices are saying, | 我的意思是,这听起来像理解 这些声音在说什么, |
| 304 | but are there other things we should pay attention to to know if it's valuable, | 但还有别的事情我们应该注意 想知道它是否有价值, |
| 305 | if this is a warm connection? | 如果这是一个温暖的连接? |
| 306 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 307 | One way to think about it is not whether the relationship | 考虑这个问题的方法之一 不是关系 |
| 308 | is smooth all the time, but whether we feel that we can be authentic, we can be ourselves | 但无论我们觉得自己是真实的 |
| 309 | in a relationship. | 在一个关系。 |
| 310 | And obviously we won't be the same selves in a work relationship that we might | 很明显,在工作关系中我们不会是同一个人 |
| 311 | be with our, you know, beloved sister, you know, but still can I be myself in the most essential | 和我们,你知道,亲爱的妹妹,你知道, 但我仍然可以做我自己 在最重要的 |
| 312 | ways? | 方法吗? |
| 313 | Can I express myself and can the other person express themselves? | 我能表达自己,而其他人也能表达自己吗? |
| 314 | Because I think that's | 因为我认为 |
| 315 | what we really want is to feel known and to feel seen and not to feel like we are having to | 我们真正想要的,是感觉知道 和感觉被看见 而不是感觉我们不得不 |
| 316 | maintain a facade that hides who we are. | 保持一个隐藏我们身份的外表 |
| 317 | And so the best relationships are those | 所以最好的关系是 |
| 318 | where we feel we can be ourselves. | 在那里,我们觉得我们可以成为自己。 |
| 319 | And you talked about how really it's, it's romantic | 你谈到它是多么的浪漫 |
| 320 | relationships, friendships, acquaintances. | 关系,友谊,熟人。 |
| 321 | I mean, all of these relationships matter, but | 我的意思是,所有这些关系都很重要,但 |
| 322 | do you find that one of these is maybe more significant than the other? | 你是否觉得其中一个比另一个更重要? |
| 323 | Or how do you | 你怎么样? |
| 324 | look at them? | 看看他们? |
| 325 | I look at it in terms of the secure attachment we think about it. | 我从我们所想的安全依恋的角度来看待它。 |
| 326 | That's | 这是 |
| 327 | attachment is a word for being warmly, securely connected. | 附加是一个词,表示被热情,安全连接。 |
| 328 | It's the who can you call in the | 是谁可以打电话来 |
| 329 | middle of the night if you're sick or scared. | 半夜,如果你生病或害怕的话。 |
| 330 | So I think of it in those terms, not necessarily | 所以我从这些角度来想,不一定 |
| 331 | the person's role, defined role in our life, like romantic partner or boss, but it's the, | 人的角色,我们生活中的定型角色, 像浪漫的伴侣或老板, |
| 332 | does this person have my back? | 这个人背着我吗? |
| 333 | And so that's, I think the defining element that we want to find | 因此,我认为我们想要找到的决定性要素 |
| 334 | somewhere in our world. | 在我们世界的某个地方 |
| 335 | So we have so many member questions coming in, Bob, and I'm going to | 所以,我们有这么多的成员问题 进来,鲍勃,我要去 |
| 336 | if you think it's possible for an endemically unhappy person at some point in life to | 如果你认为一个地方性不幸福的人 在生命的某个时刻有可能 |
| 337 | obtain happiness. | 获得幸福。 |
| 338 | Yes. | 对 |
| 339 | And thank you for asking that question. | 谢谢你问了这个问题 |
| 340 | So we have a couple of life stories | 所以,我们有一些生活故事 |
| 341 | in our book. | 在我们的书。 |
| 342 | The book contains real stories of real people. | 该书包含真实人物的真实故事. |
| 343 | Every, the names are disguised to | 每个名字都被伪装成 |
| 344 | protect confidentiality, but some of those stories are of people who have big turnarounds late in | 保守秘密,但有些故事 是关于那些有大转折的人 |
| 345 | life. | 活着 |
| 346 | People who were isolated and less happy and in their sixties found a whole community. | 被孤立和不太快乐的人 在60多岁时 找到了一个完整的社区 |
| 347 | One man found a community at a gym that he never dreamed he would find. | 一个人在健身房里找到一个社区 他从未想过会找到 |
| 348 | And so the message that we | 因此,我们的信息 |
| 349 | get from studying these thousands of lives is it is never too late. | 从研究这几千条生命开始... ... ...... |
| 350 | And so don't assume that it's | 所以不要假设这是 |
| 351 | too late for you, even if you feel like you've had not had good luck with this in the past. | 对你来说太迟了,即使你觉得过去没有这个运气。 |
| 352 | Well, Bob, we're getting some questions about you and I want to turn to you for a second. | 好了,鲍勃,我们得到一些关于你的问题 我想转告你一秒钟。 |
| 353 | And I'm | и琌 |
| 354 | curious how running this study has changed the way you approach life and your own pursuit of | 好奇的是,如何运行这个研究 改变了你对待生活的方式 和你自己追求 |
| 355 | happiness. | 快乐 |
| 356 | Oh, gosh. | 天呐 |
| 357 | Well, one of the things that's helped me with is the idea that everybody | 嗯,其中一个事情 帮助我的想法是,每个人都 |
| 358 | has struggles in their life. | 他们一生都在挣扎 |
| 359 | That has been so meaningful to me because I can also look at | 这对我来说是如此有意义 因为我也可以看看 |
| 360 | the world and say, gee, other people seem to have lives that have it all figured out and perfect | 这个世界,说,天啊, 其他人似乎有 生活,这一切已经想通和完美 |
| 361 | lives. | 活着 |
| 362 | It is so helpful to know that there isn't a person on the planet who doesn't have struggles. | 知道这个星球上没有一个没有挣扎的人是很有帮助的. |
| 363 | And it makes me feel less alone when I can recognize that. | 当我意识到这一点时, 让我感到不那么孤独。 |
| 364 | And that's one of the reasons | 这也是原因之一 |
| 365 | why I want to keep getting these messages out after having studied thousands of lives. | 为什么我想在研究了数千条生命后 不断得到这些信息 |
| 366 | And I think the other thing that it's changed is my own priorities. | 我认为改变的另外一件事 是我自己的优先。 |
| 367 | So I realize, OK, I can sit here | 所以我意识到,好吧,我可以坐在这里 |
| 368 | this afternoon and edit another paper or do more work or I can see my friend who I haven't seen in | 今天下午再编辑另一篇论文 或做更多的工作 或者我能看到我的朋友 |
| 369 | a month. | 一个月 |
| 370 | And so I've become more active in taking care of my relationships and it makes a big | 所以我更加积极地处理我的关系 并且它使一个巨大的 |
| 371 | difference. | 差别。 |
| 372 | So I would say that those are the two big things for me that directing this study has | 所以我要说 指导这个研究的两件大事 |
| 373 | changed about my life. | 改变了我的生活。 |
| 374 | Well, we have a question from Ted member Nisa. | 我们有泰德成员Nisa的问题 |
| 375 | They ask, as a mother of two | 他们问,作为两个母亲 |
| 376 | very young children, what advice do you have for parents to build strong, healthy relationships | 年幼的孩子,你有什么建议 父母建立牢固,健康的关系 |
| 377 | now through adulthood? | 现在成年了? |
| 378 | For parents. | 为父母. |
| 379 | It's really helping your children to pay attention to | 这真的有助于你的孩子注意 |
| 380 | how they feel and to learn to use their feelings with more choice. | 他们的感受和学习如何用更多的选择来利用他们的感受。 |
| 381 | So learning to love what they | 所以学会爱他们 |
| 382 | love and hang on to what they love, even if it's not so popular. | 爱和坚持他们爱的东西, 即使它不是那么流行。 |
| 383 | You know, I had a mother talk to | 你知道,我有一个母亲说话 |
| 384 | me about how her child really loved doing improv comedy, and he's only 12 and his friends don't | 她的孩子非常喜欢做即兴喜剧 他只有12岁 他的朋友没有 |
| 385 | like that. | 像这样 |
| 386 | And so we talked about how you help your child feel supported in loving what he loves | 于是我们谈论了 你如何帮助你的孩子 感觉支持他爱的东西 |
| 387 | and taking an improv class, right? | 上即兴表演课,对吧? |
| 388 | So helping your kids learn that it's okay to love something | 所以,帮助你的孩子 学会爱的东西是好的 |
| 389 | that's not the same as all the other kids in their group and keep loving what they love and helping | 这和组里其他孩子不一样 爱爱爱爱爱爱爱爱爱 |
| 390 | kids learn that it's okay to be unhappy and that that will pass, that feelings come and go, | 孩子们学会了不开心是正常的 那样会过去 感觉会来会去 |
| 391 | that it's okay to disagree. | 不同意没关系 |
| 392 | Families can model, parents can model for kids. | 家庭可以建模,父母可以为孩子建模. |
| 393 | We can have disagreements, | 我们可以有分歧, |
| 394 | we can work it out and and hold on to these good relationships, even through disagreements. | 我们可以解决和保持这些良好的关系,即使是通过分歧。 |
| 395 | Those are some of the biggest lessons we can help our children with about how to use their | 这些是一些最大的教训 我们可以帮助我们的孩子如何使用他们的 |
| 396 | feelings rather than kind of be buffeted by their feelings and ruled by their feelings. | 而不是被感情所冲击 被感情所支配 |
| 397 | I'm curious just where you see the study going from here. | 我很好奇你从哪里看到书房的走向 |
| 398 | We are collecting more data, even as | 我们正在收集更多的数据,即使 |
| 399 | we speak. | 我们说话。 |
| 400 | We are collecting more information from the children. | 我们正在从儿童那里收集更多信息。 |
| 401 | Almost all the original | 几乎所有的原始 |
| 402 | participants have passed away, but their children are all baby boomers on average. | 参与者已经逝世,但他们的孩子平均都是婴儿成长者。 |
| 403 | And so we're | 所以我们 |
| 404 | collecting information, including about what life was like during the pandemic, also collecting | 收集信息,包括流行病期间的生活状况,并收集 |
| 405 | information about how they use social media, which is something we've all been talking about a bit | 关于他们如何使用社交媒体的信息, 这是我们一直在谈论的 |
| 406 | here. | 在这里。 |
| 407 | And I think in terms of the future, we see ourselves as wanting to make our data available | 我认为从未来来看,我们想提供我们的数据 |
| 408 | to more and more researchers. | 给越来越多的研究人员。 |
| 409 | So we want to collaborate and we do collaborate with other | 所以,我们想合作,我们确实与其他 |
| 410 | research groups. | 研究小组。 |
| 411 | We say come in and use our data and ask new questions that we don't even think | 我们说进来用我们的数据 问我们不认为的新问题 |
| 412 | to ask, because we have this treasure trove of information about thousands of lives. | 因为我们有成千上万条生命的信息 |
| 413 | And then | 礛 |
| 414 | we're going to make it publicly available on public websites, because much of our work has | 我们将公开在公共网站上,因为我们的大部分工作 |
| 415 | been funded by the federal government, by NIH, with taxpayer money. | 由联邦政府,NIH出资,用纳税人的钱。 |
| 416 | And so we feel a responsibility | 所以我们觉得有责任 |
| 417 | to make this information available to other researchers who want to ask their own questions | 向想提出自己问题的其他研究人员提供这些信息; |
| 418 | about our data. | 关于我们的数据。 |
| 419 | Well, Bob, you've shared so many great things with us. | 鲍勃,你和我们分享了很多伟大的东西 |
| 420 | I feel like if | 我觉得,如果 |
| 421 | people were listening and trying to absorb all of it, and at the very end of this conversation, | 人们在听 并试图吸收 所有这一切, 在谈话的结尾, |
| 422 | want just one nugget of information that if you miss everything, what is the one thing | 只需要一点信息,如果你错过了一切, 什么是唯一的事情 |
| 423 | that you want everyone to walk away from at the end of this conversation? | 你想让大家在谈话结束时离开吗? |
| 424 | That if you want to make one choice today that will make you healthier and happier, it is to | 如果你今天想做出一个选择 让你更健康更快乐 |
| 425 | pay attention to improving your connections with other people, that that is such a good | 注意改善你和别人的联系, 那太好了 |
| 426 | investment and it will pay off for years to come. | 投资和投资将在未来数年得到回报。 |
该视频共有字幕 426 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格