为什么你越用力越没底气？
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:00 | Every conversation you have runs two negotiations at the same time. | 你每次谈话都同时进行两次谈判 |
| 0:04 | One happens out loud, things like the offer, the plan, the favor, the deadline. | 一个是大吵大闹的, 比如提议,计划,恩惠,最后期限。 |
| 0:09 | The other happens in silence. | 另一个发生在沉默中。 |
| 0:11 | And that's the one that decides the power dynamics in the room. | 这就是决定 动力动力在房间里。 |
| 0:14 | It gets settled by who breaks the silence first, whose face gets watched, who smiles | 由谁先打破沉默,谁的脸被监视,谁笑谁决定 |
| 0:19 | on cue, and whose voice slowly drifts toward whose. | 和他的声音 慢慢地向谁移动。 |
| 0:23 | Nobody announces the result, but you feel it. | 没人能宣布结果 但你能感觉到 |
| 0:26 | It's why you can walk out of a meeting where nothing went wrong and still feel like you | 这就是为什么你可以走出一个会议 没有出错,仍然感觉像你 |
| 0:29 | lost something. | 失去的东西。 |
| 0:30 | You agreed to a little more than you meant to. | 你答应的比你本意多一点 |
展开字幕全文（295 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Every conversation you have runs two negotiations at the same time. | 你每次谈话都同时进行两次谈判 |
| 2 | One happens out loud, things like the offer, the plan, the favor, the deadline. | 一个是大吵大闹的, 比如提议,计划,恩惠,最后期限。 |
| 3 | The other happens in silence. | 另一个发生在沉默中。 |
| 4 | And that's the one that decides the power dynamics in the room. | 这就是决定 动力动力在房间里。 |
| 5 | It gets settled by who breaks the silence first, whose face gets watched, who smiles | 由谁先打破沉默,谁的脸被监视,谁笑谁决定 |
| 6 | on cue, and whose voice slowly drifts toward whose. | 和他的声音 慢慢地向谁移动。 |
| 7 | Nobody announces the result, but you feel it. | 没人能宣布结果 但你能感觉到 |
| 8 | It's why you can walk out of a meeting where nothing went wrong and still feel like you | 这就是为什么你可以走出一个会议 没有出错,仍然感觉像你 |
| 9 | lost something. | 失去的东西。 |
| 10 | You agreed to a little more than you meant to. | 你答应的比你本意多一点 |
| 11 | You laughed at a joke that wasn't funny. | 你嘲笑一个不好笑的笑话 |
| 12 | You explained yourself twice. | 你解释过两次了 |
| 13 | Most advice on the psychology of power tells you to fix your body language. | 大部分关于权力心理学的建议都告诉你要修补身体语言. |
| 14 | Stand wide. | 站开 |
| 15 | Hold eye contact until the other person looks away. | 保持眼睛接触,直到对方视线消失. |
| 16 | Firm handshake, slow nod. | 坚定的握手,慢点头。 |
| 17 | Never smile first. | 先别笑. |
| 18 | It sounds right because it matches the movies. | 这听起来是正确的,因为它 匹配电影。 |
| 19 | 但在2005年,心理学家朱迪思·霍尔(Judith Hall),埃里克·科茨(Eric Coats)和拉沃尼亚·史密斯-勒博(Lavonia Smith-Lebeau)拉开了数十年的拉票. | |
| 20 | of research on power and nonverbal behavior into one large meta-analysis. | 将权力和非言语行为研究变成一个大元分析。 |
| 21 | And they separated two things most people never separate. | 他们把大多数人从不分开的两件事分开。 |
| 22 | What we believe powerful people do with their bodies, and what powerful people actually | 我们相信强者会用他们的身体做什么 以及强者会做什么 |
| 23 | do. | 说吧 |
| 24 | The beliefs were strong, and they were everywhere. | 信仰强烈,到处都有。 |
| 25 | The real links were weaker and far rarer. | 真正的联系更弱,更罕见。 |
| 26 | A lot of the power moves people practice in the mirror are folklore. | 许多力量在镜中移动人们的练习是民间传说. |
| 27 | So where is power if it isn't in the pose, it's in who adjusts to whom? | 那么,如果不是在姿势上,那么权力在哪里呢? |
| 28 | And once you can see that, you can stop giving it away, and quietly outsmart almost anyone | 一旦你能看到,你可以停止把它送走, 悄悄地比几乎任何人聪明 |
| 29 | without saying a word. | 没有说一句话。 |
| 30 | 欢迎回到PhysicTunes。 | |
| 31 | Today we're breaking down the psychology of power. | 今天我们打破了权力心理学。 |
| 32 | The silent negotiation running underneath every conversation, the four ways you lose | 每一次谈话都无声无息的谈判 你失去的四种方式 |
| 33 | it without noticing, and how to stop bending without turning cold. | 和如何停止弯曲而不变冷。 |
| 34 | In 1962, a sociologist named Richard Emerson published a short paper that changed how | 1962年,一位名叫理查德·爱默生的社会学家发表了一篇短篇论文,改变了 |
| 35 | researchers think about power. | 研究者们思考的是力量. |
| 36 | His point was simple and a little unsettling. | 他的观点很简单,有点不安。 |
| 37 | Power, he argued, is not something a person owns, like height or a bank balance. | 他认为,权力并不是一个人拥有的东西,比如高度或银行余额. |
| 38 | Saying she's powerful means nothing until you answer the next question. | 在你回答下一个问题之前 说她很强大意味着什么 |
| 39 | Over whom? | 对谁? |
| 40 | For Emerson, power lives inside a relationship, and it lives in one place, dependence. | 对爱默生来说,权力生活在一种关系中, 它生活在一个地方,依赖。 |
| 41 | The more you want something another person controls, and the fewer other ways you have | 越想要别人控制的东西 越少其他方法 |
| 42 | of getting it, the more power they have over you. | 得到它, 他们拥有更多的权力 对你。 |
| 43 | That's the whole formula. | 这就是整个公式。 |
| 44 | How much you want it, and how many alternatives you have. | 你想要多少,你有多少选择。 |
| 45 | He wasn't the first to notice. | 他不是第一个注意到的 |
| 46 | Back in the 1930s, the sociologist Willard Waller, writing about couples and courtship, | 回到20世纪30年代,社会学家 Willard Waller,写 关于夫妇和求爱, |
| 47 | described what he called the principle of least interest. | 他描述了他所说的最低利益原则。 |
| 48 | In any relationship, the person who is less invested in keeping it going tends to hold | 在任何关系中,投资较少的人 倾向于保持下去 |
| 49 | more of the control. | 更多的控制权。 |
| 50 | It's an uncomfortable idea, and later we'll talk about what it costs. | 这是一个令人不舒服的主意,稍后我们将谈论它的成本. |
| 51 | But look at what it means for you right now. | 但看看现在对你意味着什么 |
| 52 | Power is a ratio, and ratios can change. | 功率是比例,比例可以改变. |
| 53 | Here's why that ratio shows up in your body before it ever shows up in your words. | 这就是为什么这个比例出现在你的身体 在它曾经出现在你的话。 |
| 54 | In 1993, the social psychologist Susan Fisk laid out a theory of power and attention that | 1993年,社会心理学家苏珊·菲斯克提出了权力和关注理论, |
| 55 | later research went on to support. | 后来的研究继续得到支持。 |
| 56 | People pay the closest attention to whoever controls their outcomes. | 人们最关心的是控制自己结果的人。 |
| 57 | They watch them, study them, try to predict them, because that's how you protect yourself | 他们观察他们,研究他们,尝试预测他们, 因为你这样保护自己 |
| 58 | when someone else holds the keys. | 当别人拿着钥匙。 |
| 59 | And the people holding the keys pay less attention in return. | 而持有钥匙的人对回报的注意较少. |
| 60 | They don't need to. | 他们不需要。 |
| 61 | Think about what that means. | 想想这是什么意思 |
| 62 | Dependence doesn't ask for your permission. | 依赖性并不要求你的许可. |
| 63 | The moment you want something from someone, your attention bends toward them, and your | 当你想从某人身上得到什么的时候, 你的注意力就会朝他们弯曲,你的 |
| 64 | behavior follows your attention. | 行为跟随你的注意。 |
| 65 | You start tracking their mood, you match their energy, you rush to fill their silences. | 你开始跟踪他们的情绪, 你匹配他们的能量, 你匆忙地填补他们的沉默。 |
| 66 | None of it is a decision. | 这都不是决定。 |
| 67 | It happens underneath your decisions, the same way a weathervane doesn't choose where | 它发生在你的决定之下, 同样的方式一个气象车 不选择在哪里 |
| 68 | to point. | 以指点. |
| 69 | The wind chooses. | 风所择. |
| 70 | And everyone else in the room can read the direction. | 房间里的其他人都能读到方向. |
| 71 | Even when you can't. | 即便不能时. |
| 72 | That's the silent negotiation. | 这就是沉默的谈判。 |
| 73 | And most people lose it in four specific places. | 而大多数人在四个具体的地方都失去了它. |
| 74 | Concession 1, the pause you rush to fill. | 一号租借地,你匆忙填补。 |
| 75 | You're asking for a raise. | 你要求加薪吗? |
| 76 | You say the number out loud. | 你大声说出来 |
| 77 | Your manager doesn't answer. | 你的经理不接电话 |
| 78 | One second, two, three. | 一秒钟 二 三 |
| 79 | And before the silence can finish, you hear yourself say, but I'm flexible. | 在沉默结束之前,你听到自己说, 但我很灵活。 |
| 80 | It doesn't have to be exactly that. | 不一定是那样的 |
| 81 | Nobody asks you to lower it. | 没人叫你低调 |
| 82 | You just negotiate it against yourself. | 你只是谈判自己。 |
| 83 | Researchers at the University of Groningen wanted to know why a few seconds of quiet | 格罗宁根大学的研究人员想知道 为什么几秒钟的安静 |
| 84 | can feel so bad. | 感觉很糟 |
| 85 | In 2011, they found that a single brief silence dropped into a conversation that had been | 2011年,他们发现,一个简短的沉默 掉进了一个对话中 |
| 86 | flowing was enough to make people feel more anxious, more rejected, and less sure of themselves. | 流动足以让人们感到更焦虑、更受排斥、更不自信。 |
| 87 | In a second study, the effect showed up even when people didn't consciously notice the | 在第二项研究中,即使人们没有自觉地注意到 |
| 88 | silence had happened. | 沉默已经发生。 |
| 89 | Then, in a 2013 follow-up, they found something more telling. | 然后,在2013年的一次后续行动中,他们发现一些更能说明问题的东西。 |
| 90 | When a brief silence followed someone's opinion, the people who most wanted to belong | 当一个短暂的沉默跟随某人的意见, 最想归属的人 |
| 91 | shifted their attitude toward whatever the group seemed to think. | 改变他们的态度 对于任何 似乎团体的想法。 |
| 92 | Sit with that for a second. | 你坐一会吧 |
| 93 | People changed what they said they believed to make a pause go away. | 人们改变了他们所说的,他们相信 暂停离开。 |
| 94 | That's the cost of this one. | 这是这一个的成本。 |
| 95 | If you can't sit inside a silence, you'll pay to end it. | 若不能坐于寂静中则报应灭. |
| 96 | You pay in discounts, in softer opinions, in explanations nobody asked for. | 你支付折扣, 以更温和的意见, 和解释 没有人要求。 |
| 97 | And the other person doesn't have to do anything at all. | 而彼众生根本无作. |
| 98 | They just have to wait. | 他们只是需要等待。 |
| 99 | Concession 2, the eyes that keep checking. | 二号租借地,眼睛一直在检查 |
| 100 | You're in a team meeting. | 你在参加一个团队会议。 |
| 101 | When your boss talks, you watch their face closely, almost studying it. | 当你的老板说话, 你仔细观察他们的脸, 几乎研究它。 |
| 102 | When it's your turn to talk, your eyes drop. | 当轮到你说话时,你的眼睛会下降。 |
| 103 | The table, the laptop, the wall. | 桌子 笔记本电脑 墙壁 |
| 104 | Then a quick flick back to their face to see how it's landing. | 然后一闪回他们的脸 看它是如何降落的。 |
| 105 | Then away again. | 然后再次离开。 |
| 106 | Psychologists have a name for this pattern. | 心理学家有这个模式的名字. |
| 107 | The visual dominance ratio. | 视觉支配比. |
| 108 | It was first described by Ralph Exline and his colleagues, then developed by John de | 它首先由拉尔夫·Exline和他的同事描述,然后由John de开发. |
| 109 | Video and Steve Ellison. | 视频和史蒂夫·埃里森。 |
| 110 | It compares how much you look at someone while you're speaking with how much you look at | 将你说话时看一个人的眼神 与你看的多少相比 |
| 111 | them while you're listening. | 一边听一边听 |
| 112 | In their studies, people who were given less expertise or less control over rewards looked | 在他们的研究中,那些得到的专业知识较少或对奖励的控制较少的人看 |
| 113 | at their partner more while listening than while speaking. | 在他们的伴侣的耳边比说话时要多。 |
| 114 | People with more power spread their gaze more evenly, and observers watching these conversations | 拥有更多权力的人 更平均地传播他们的目光 观察这些对话 |
| 115 | used exactly those patterns to judge who held the power. | 用这些模式来判断谁掌握了权力。 |
| 116 | These were lab conversations with assigned roles, so treat it as a tendency, not a rule. | 这些是实验室的对话 与指定的角色, 所以把它当作一个趋势,而不是一个规则。 |
| 117 | But it fits Fisk perfectly. | 但是这很适合菲斯克 |
| 118 | The watching is the dependence, showing up on your face. | 监视就是依赖,出现在你的脸上。 |
| 119 | The cost is simple. | 费用很简单。 |
| 120 | Before you've said anything, your eyes have already told the room whose approval you're | 在你开口之前 你的眼睛已经告诉了房间 你是谁的认可 |
| 121 | waiting for. | 等着 |
| 122 | Concession 3. | 特许权3。 |
| 123 | The smile you owe. | 你欠的笑脸 |
| 124 | A client makes a joke that isn't funny, and you laugh. | 客户开一个不好笑的玩笑 你却在笑 |
| 125 | A coworker takes a small shot at you in front of everyone, and you smile through it. | 同事当着大家的面对你打一枪,你从中微笑. |
| 126 | Your boss says they need you this weekend, and you smile and say, of course no problem. | 你老板说这周末他们需要你 你笑着说 当然没问题 |
| 127 | 1998年,心理学家Marvin Hecht和Marianne La Francis 将人安排成对并分配 | |
| 128 | them high, low, or equal power. | 他们高,低,或平等的权力。 |
| 129 | Then they watched who smiled, and compared it with how people said they actually felt. | 然后他们看着谁笑了, 把它和人们说自己真实的感觉相比较。 |
| 130 | For people with high or equal power, smiling tracked their mood. | 对于拥有高权或平等权力的人,微笑跟踪他们的情绪. |
| 131 | They smiled when they felt good. | 他们觉得很好就笑了 |
| 132 | For people with low power, there was no link. | 对于权力低的人来说,没有联系。 |
| 133 | They smiled whether they felt good or not. | 他们笑了,不管他们感觉好坏。 |
| 134 | The researchers described it as a license to smile for the powerful, and an obligation | 研究者们形容它是一种为强者微笑的许可证,也是一项义务 |
| 135 | to smile for everyone else. | 为其他人微笑。 |
| 136 | It's one lab study, but most people recognize it the moment they hear it. | 这是一个实验室研究, 但大多数人一听到它就认出它。 |
| 137 | And this is the one people defend the hardest, so let's be honest about it. | 而这是最难防守的人,所以让我们说实话. |
| 138 | You tell yourself you're just nice. | 你告诉自己你很好 |
| 139 | Easygoing, positive. | 放松点 积极 |
| 140 | But a smile you would give no matter how you felt is a payment. | 但无论你感觉如何,你都会微笑 是一种报酬 |
| 141 | It's rent, and people can tell. | 这是租金,人们可以知道。 |
| 142 | When your smile shows up on schedule, for everyone, for everything, it stops carrying | 当你的笑容如期出现时, 对于每个人, 对于一切,它停止携带 |
| 143 | any information. | 任何资料。 |
| 144 | Nobody can tell your real approval from your automatic one anymore, which means your real | 没有人能分辨出你真正的认可 从你的自动, 这意味着你的真 |
| 145 | approval stops being worth anything. | 批准不再值钱了 |
| 146 | You've been handing out the one signal that could have meant something, over and over, | 你一直在发出一个信号 可能意味着什么,一遍又一遍, |
| 147 | until it didn't. | 直到它没有。 |
| 148 | Concession 4, the voice that follows. | 4号租让地 接下来的声音 |
| 149 | You're talking to someone you want to impress, and somewhere in the conversation your voice | 你在跟一个想讨人喜欢的人说话 在谈话中你的声音 |
| 150 | changes. | 变化。 |
| 151 | You pick up their pace, their phrases, their slang, even the pitch of your voice slides | 你拾起他们的脚步,他们的语句,他们的口号,甚至你的声音幻灯片的投球声 |
| 152 | toward theirs. | 走向他们。 |
| 153 | You probably don't notice. | 你可能没注意到 |
| 154 | They might not either, but something registers. | 他们可能也不会,但有东西登记。 |
| 155 | In 1996, sociologists Stanford Gregory and Stephen Webster analyzed 25 interviews from | 1996年,社会学家斯坦福·格雷戈里和史蒂芬·韦伯斯特分析了25次来自美国社会科学院的采访. |
| 156 | Larry King's talk show. | 拉里·金的脱口秀 |
| 157 | They measured a low-frequency band in the voice that sits underneath the words themselves. | 他们测量了一个低频波段 在声音中,坐在词本身下面。 |
| 158 | Guests with lower status adjusted their voices toward King, but King adjusted toward the | 地位较低的客人调整了对国王的声音,但国王调整了对国王的声音。 |
| 159 | guests who had higher status than he did. | 他们的地位比他高 |
| 160 | It's one host and 25 interviews, so it's a small window. | 一个主持人和25次采访,所以是一个小窗口. |
| 161 | But in 2012, a team at Cornell led by Cristian Danescu-Niculescu-Mizil found the same direction | 但在2012年,由克里斯蒂安·达内斯库-尼库列斯库-米齐尔率领的康奈尔的一支球队发现了同样的方向. |
| 162 | in language itself, across Wikipedia discussions and arguments before the U.S. Supreme Court. | 在语言本身, 通过维基百科的讨论和争论 美国最高法院。 |
| 163 | People echoed the small, invisible words of whoever held more power. | 人们回应了拥有更多权力的人所讲的隐形小话。 |
| 164 | The the, the but, the of. | 那个,那个,那个,那个... |
| 165 | Lawyers echoed the justices more than the justices echoed the lawyers. | 律师们对正义的呼应胜过对律师们的呼应。 |
| 166 | Now, matching someone isn't bad. | 现在,匹配某人不坏。 |
| 167 | It's part of how people build rapport. | 这是人们如何建立关系的一部分。 |
| 168 | The tell is the direction. | 事实就是方向 |
| 169 | When it only ever flows one way, from you toward them, your rank becomes audible. | 当只有一条路从你走向他们时 你的军衔就变得可以听从了 |
| 170 | You slowly disappear into other people's way of talking, and you don't even hear it happen. | 你慢慢地消失在别人的说话方式中,你甚至没有听到它发生. |
| 171 | So here's the obvious move. | 所以这是明显的举动。 |
| 172 | If power follows whoever needs less, then need less than everyone. | 如果权力跟随谁需要更少,那么就比每个人需要更少. |
| 173 | Care less, show less, never adjust. | 少管闲事 少管闲事 从不调整 |
| 174 | And for a while that works. | 暂时有效 |
| 175 | Susan Sprecher和她的同事 跟踪约会夫妇多年 测试Waller的 | |
| 176 | principle, the less involved partner really did feel more in control of whether the relationship | 原则,参与程度较低的伙伴确实更能控制关系是否 |
| 177 | continued. | 继续。 |
| 178 | But the couples who were most satisfied and most stable were the ones where involvement | 但最满意和最稳定的夫妇是其中之一 |
| 179 | was equal. | 是平等的。 |
| 180 | The person who wins the gap loses the thing the gap was inside. | 赢得空隙的人会失去空隙里面的东西. |
| 181 | And remember, Fisk, the people holding the keys stop paying attention. | 记住,菲斯克, 拿着钥匙的人停止注意。 |
| 182 | Win every silent negotiation by going cold, and you end up in a room that does what you | 每一次无声谈判都靠冷却取胜 最后你却被困在做你所做的事的房间里 |
| 183 | say with nobody in it willing to tell you the truth. | 说里面没人愿意告诉你真相 |
| 184 | So how do you get out of this without becoming someone nobody wants to be around? | 所以,你如何摆脱这一切 不成为一个人 没有人想身边? |
| 185 | Here's what won't work. | 这是行不通的。 |
| 186 | Forcing it. | 逼迫之义. |
| 187 | Staring people down. | 凝视众生. |
| 188 | Refusing to smile. | 拒绝微笑。 |
| 189 | Gripping the table through an awkward pause and counting the seconds. | 通过尴尬的暂停和计数秒数来压住桌子. |
| 190 | People can feel that because forced stillness reads as tension. | 人们能感觉到这一点,因为强迫的静态是紧张的。 |
| 191 | And it is tension. | 这是紧张。 |
| 192 | The four concessions we just went through aren't bad habits sitting on the surface. | 我们刚刚经历的四项让步 并不是坐立不安的习惯 |
| 193 | They come from dependence. | 他们来自依赖。 |
| 194 | You can't stop your eyes from checking your boss's face through willpower, so the goal | 你不能阻止你的眼睛 检查你的老板的脸 通过意志力,所以目标 |
| 195 | isn't to hide the signals. | 不是为了隐藏信号 |
| 196 | The goal is to change what's underneath them. | 目标是改变它们下面的东西 |
| 197 | Three principles. | 三原则. |
| 198 | Principle one. | 原则一 |
| 199 | Build your alternative before you walk in. | 在你走进来之前,先做你的选择 |
| 200 | Remember Emerson's formula. | 记得爱默生的配方. |
| 201 | Power depends on how much you want something and how many other ways you have of getting | 权力取决于你想要多少 以及你有多少其他方法得到 |
| 202 | it. | 这个 |
| 203 | You can't always want things less. | 你不能总是想要的东西更少。 |
| 204 | But you can almost always build alternatives. | 但你几乎总是可以制造替代品。 |
| 205 | Negotiation researchers call this your BATNA, a term from Roger Fisher and William Urey's | 谈判研究者称这是你的BATNA, 来自罗杰·费舍尔和威廉·乌雷 |
| 206 | book, Getting to Yes. | 书,得到是的。 |
| 207 | It stands for your best alternative to a negotiated agreement. | 这是你最好的选择 作为谈判协议。 |
| 208 | In 1994, Robin Pinkley, Margaret Neal, and Rebecca Bennett tested what alternatives actually | 1994年,罗宾·平克利,玛格丽特·尼尔和丽贝卡·贝内特测试了什么替代品实际上 |
| 209 | do. | 说吧 |
| 210 | Negotiators who had one got better outcomes for themselves, and the total deal got better | 谈判者谁有一个 得到更好的结果自己, 和总交易得到更好的 |
| 211 | for both sides too. | 对双方都一样。 |
| 212 | And the stronger your alternative was compared to theirs, the bigger your share. | 你的另类选择越强 和他们的相比 你的份额就越大 |
| 213 | So before the salary conversation, get another offer. | 所以,在工资谈话之前, 得到另一个报价。 |
| 214 | Or at least know exactly where you'll walk. | 或者至少知道你们要走哪里 |
| 215 | Before the hard talk with a friend, know what you'll do if it goes badly. | 在和朋友谈起困难之前 要知道如果事情不妙你会怎么做 |
| 216 | When you have somewhere else to go, the pause stops feeling like rejection. | 当你有别的地方去, 暂停的感觉像拒绝。 |
| 217 | Your eyes stop checking. | 你的眼睛停止检查。 |
| 218 | Nobody has to teach you that. | 没人可以教你 |
| 219 | The signals change on their own. | 信号会自行改变 |
| 220 | Principle two. | 原则二。 |
| 221 | Hold the pause and use it to think. | 暂停一下,用它来思考 |
| 222 | This is where you actually outsmart people. | 这就是你真正的聪明人。 |
| 223 | In 2022, Jared Kurhan at MIT and his colleagues published one of the first studies of silence | 2022年,麻省理工学院的贾里德·库尔汉(Jared Kurhan)和他的同事发表了最早的沉默研究之一. |
| 224 | in negotiations. | 在谈判中。 |
| 225 | They found that natural pauses of three seconds or longer were linked to deals that created | 他们发现3秒或更长的自然停顿 与创造交易有关 |
| 226 | more value. | 更值钱 |
| 227 | Then they told people to pause on purpose, and the same thing happened. | 之后他们故意告诉人们暂停,同样的事情也发生了. |
| 228 | Here's the part that matters. | 这是最重要的部分。 |
| 229 | They tested two explanations. | 他们测试了两种解释。 |
| 230 | One was that silence works by intimidating the other side. | 一是沉默通过恐吓对方而起作用。 |
| 231 | The other was that silence changes the person who's quiet. | 另一种说法是沉默会改变沉默的人. |
| 232 | The evidence pointed to the second. | 证指第二. |
| 233 | The person who paused slipped out of fast, win-or-lose thinking and into a more deliberate | 暂停的人 滑出 快速,赢或输的思考 进入更深思熟虑 |
| 234 | mindset and started noticing options that got both sides more of what they wanted. | 并开始注意能让双方得到更多想要的东西的选项。 |
| 235 | So the next time someone says something that knocks you off balance and everything in you | 所以,下一次有人说一些 让你失去平衡 和你的一切 |
| 236 | wants to answer immediately, don't. | 想马上回答,不要。 |
| 237 | Let three seconds pass. | 让三秒钟过去。 |
| 238 | You're not playing a game with them. | 你不是在跟他们玩游戏 |
| 239 | You're giving your own mind time to catch up. | 你给自己时间去追赶 |
| 240 | Silence doesn't shrink the other person. | 寂灭不收彼众生. |
| 241 | It makes you smarter. | 这让你更聪明。 |
| 242 | Principle three. | 原则三。 |
| 243 | Make every signal mean something. | 让每个信号都有意义 |
| 244 | The goal was never to stop smiling, stop looking, or stop matching people. | 目标是永远不停止微笑,停止寻找,或停止与人匹配. |
| 245 | Those things are how human beings connect. | 这些东西是人类的连接方式。 |
| 246 | The goal is to make each one a choice. | 目标是让每个人做出选择。 |
| 247 | Smile when you mean it, and your smile becomes worth something again. | 笑的时候,当你真的, 你的笑 变得值得的东西了。 |
| 248 | Look at people because you're curious about them, not to check whether you're in trouble. | 看着人是因为你对他们好奇,而不是检查你是否有麻烦. |
| 249 | Match someone's pace because you want them to feel at ease, not because your voice slid | 和别人的节奏吻合 因为你希望他们放松 不是因为你的声音滑了 |
| 250 | there on its own. | 独自一人 |
| 251 | And if you do start holding more power in a room, keep paying attention. | 如果你真的开始 持有更多的动力在一个房间, 继续注意。 |
| 252 | In 2006, Adam Golinski and his colleagues found that people who were made to feel powerful | 2006年,亚当·高林斯基和他的同事发现,那些被逼得感到强大的人 |
| 253 | got worse at seeing things from someone else's point of view. | 从别人的角度看 事情变得更糟 |
| 254 | But in 2009, Mary Ann Schmid-Mast, Klaus Jonas, and Judith Hall found that giving people power | 但2009年,玛丽·安·施米德-马斯特,克劳斯·乔纳斯,和朱迪思·霍尔发现赋予人们权力. |
| 255 | can also make them more sensitive to others. | 也可以使它们对他人更加敏感。 |
| 256 | The research hasn't settled which way it goes, and that's useful to know. | 研究还没有确定它走哪条路,这是有用的。 |
| 257 | It means the blindness isn't automatic. | 这意味着失明不是自动的. |
| 258 | You get to choose which kind of powerful person you become. | 你可以选择成为什么样的强人 |
| 259 | Do this for a few months and something shifts, though not in the way the power move advice promised. | 做这个几个月,有些事情变了, 虽然不是权力移动的建议的方式 承诺。 |
| 260 | You won't become intimidating. | 你不会变得恐吓。 |
| 261 | You'll become steady. | 你会变得稳定。 |
| 262 | The silent negotiation keeps running in every room, and it always will. | 寂静的谈判在每间房都持续进行,而且总是会的. |
| 263 | You'll still feel every change in the air. | 你仍然会感觉到空气中的一切变化 |
| 264 | A weathervane on a well-built roof still turns with the wind. | 盖好屋顶的风车仍然随风而转向. |
| 265 | That's its job, reading the room. | 这就是它的工作,读房间。 |
| 266 | The difference is that it's fixed to something solid, so the wind can change where it points | 区别在于它固定在固体上 所以风能改变它指向的地方 |
| 267 | without ever knocking it off. | 永远不要把它打倒。 |
| 268 | That's what alternatives give you, and a mind that can wait three seconds. | 这就是其他选择给你的, 和一个可以等待三秒钟的思维。 |
| 269 | And people notice. | 人们会注意到的 |
| 270 | Not because you've made anyone smaller, but because steadiness is rare, and people lean | 不是因为你让别人变小了 而是因为不成熟是少有的,人们都瘦了 |
| 271 | toward what's rare. | 走向罕见的 |
| 272 | Nearly 400 years ago, a Spanish Jesuit named Baltasar Gracián wrote a book of 300 short | 近400年前,一位名叫巴尔塔萨尔·格拉西安的西班牙耶稣会士 写了一本300短的书 |
| 273 | maxims about surviving among ambitious people. | 在野心勃勃的人群中生存 |
| 274 | He was writing for courtiers, and some of his advice is more calculating than anything | 他给侍从们写信 他的一些建议比任何事都更能计算 |
| 275 | in this video. | 在录像里 |
| 276 | But the third maxim contains a line that holds up on its own. | 但是,第三条准则包含一条线,它可以独立支撑。 |
| 277 | Cautious silence is the holy of holies of worldly wisdom. | 恭敬寂静是世界智慧圣洁的圣洁. |
| 278 | The quiet that matters is the quiet of someone with nothing to prove in the next three seconds. | 安静很重要的是 一个人的安静 在接下来的三秒钟里没有任何证据 |
| 279 | You don't need to be louder, and you don't need to be colder. | 你不需要大点声 也不需要冷 |
| 280 | You just need to be in less of a hurry to hand the room your weight. | 你只需要少着急把房间的重量交出来 |
| 281 | So out of the four silent concessions we went through today, the pause you rush to fill, | 因此,在我们今天经历的四个默默让步中, 你匆忙填补的停顿, |
| 282 | the eyes that keep checking, the smile you owe, and the voice that follows. | 不断检查的眼睛,你欠的微笑, 和随之而来的声音。 |
| 283 | Which one do you catch yourself making the most? | 哪个你最擅长? |
| 284 | Tell me in the comments. | 在评论中告诉我。 |
| 285 | And if you saw yourself in more than one, you're far from the only one. | 如果你看到自己在一个以上, 你远离唯一的一个。 |
| 286 | Plenty of people make all four, including people who look completely in control. | 很多人使所有四个, 包括看起来完全控制的人。 |
| 287 | If this video helped you see a room a little more clearly, hit like and share it with someone | 如果这段视频能帮助你更清楚地看到一个房间, 点击像和别人分享它。 |
| 288 | who always seems to give ground without knowing why. | 他们总是在不知为什么的情况下给人以安慰 |
| 289 | The friend who apologizes before asking for anything. | 在索要任何东西之前道歉的朋友. |
| 290 | The co-worker who says yes before the question is even finished. | 同事在问完之前答应了 |
| 291 | They might have no idea this is happening, and your share could be the thing that shows them. | 他们可能不知道这正在发生, 你的份额可能是显示他们的东西。 |
| 292 | Thank you for staying with Psychtoons until the end. | 谢与普贤俱住至终. |
| 293 | Don't forget to subscribe so we can keep decoding the hidden psychology of the people | 不要忘记订阅 这样我们就可以继续解码 隐藏在人们的心理 |
| 294 | around us, and of ourselves. | 我们周围,我们自己。 |
| 295 | Goodbye, and see you next time. | 再见 下次见 |
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