你对别人那么温柔，为什么唯独对自己那么残忍？【TED演讲】
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | I guess you could say that I am a self-compassion evangelist. | 我想你可以说我是一个自我同情的福音传教士 |
| 0:06 | I love spreading the good word about self-compassion. | 喜欢传播好言自怜. |
| 0:10 | I've devoted the last 10 years of my research career to studying the mental health benefits | 我过去10年的研究生涯 都致力于研究心理健康福利 |
| 0:16 | of self-compassion, and more recently I've been working on developing interventions to | 最近我一直在努力制定干预措施,以便 |
| 0:21 | help people learn to be more compassionate to themselves in their lives. | 帮助人们在生活中学会更加同情自己. |
| 0:26 | And the reason I'm so passionate about self-compassion is because I've really seen its power in my | 我之所以如此热衷于自我同情 是因为我真的看到了它的力量 |
| 0:33 | own life. | 拥有自己的生活。 |
| 0:34 | I first learned about self-compassion in 1997 when I was finishing up my PhD at UC Berkeley, | 1997年我在伯克利大学完成博士学位时 我第一次了解到自我同情 |
| 0:42 | and I was going through a really hard time. | 我经历了一个非常艰难的时期。 |
| 0:45 | I had just gotten out of a very messy divorce, was feeling a lot of shame and self-judgment. | 我刚刚从一场非常混乱的离婚中脱身, 感到非常羞愧和自我判断。 |
展开字幕全文（295 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I guess you could say that I am a self-compassion evangelist. | 我想你可以说我是一个自我同情的福音传教士 |
| 2 | I love spreading the good word about self-compassion. | 喜欢传播好言自怜. |
| 3 | I've devoted the last 10 years of my research career to studying the mental health benefits | 我过去10年的研究生涯 都致力于研究心理健康福利 |
| 4 | of self-compassion, and more recently I've been working on developing interventions to | 最近我一直在努力制定干预措施,以便 |
| 5 | help people learn to be more compassionate to themselves in their lives. | 帮助人们在生活中学会更加同情自己. |
| 6 | And the reason I'm so passionate about self-compassion is because I've really seen its power in my | 我之所以如此热衷于自我同情 是因为我真的看到了它的力量 |
| 7 | own life. | 拥有自己的生活。 |
| 8 | I first learned about self-compassion in 1997 when I was finishing up my PhD at UC Berkeley, | 1997年我在伯克利大学完成博士学位时 我第一次了解到自我同情 |
| 9 | and I was going through a really hard time. | 我经历了一个非常艰难的时期。 |
| 10 | I had just gotten out of a very messy divorce, was feeling a lot of shame and self-judgment. | 我刚刚从一场非常混乱的离婚中脱身, 感到非常羞愧和自我判断。 |
| 11 | I was feeling a lot of stress. | 我感觉压力很大 |
| 12 | Would I finish my PhD, and then if I did, would I get a job? | 我会完成我的博士学位, 然后如果我这样做,我会得到一份工作? |
| 13 | So I thought it would be a good time to learn how to practice meditation. | 所以我觉得现在应该学会如何冥想。 |
| 14 | So I signed up with a local Buddhist meditation group, and the very first evening, the very | 于是我与当地的佛教冥想团体签约, 第一天晚上, |
| 15 | first course, the woman leading the group talked about the importance of compassion | 首先,领导小组的女士谈到同情的重要性 |
| 16 | not only for others, but also for ourselves. | 不仅为他人,也为我们自己。 |
| 17 | The importance of including ourselves in the circle of compassion, of treating ourselves | 将自己纳入同情圈的重要性, |
| 18 | with the same kindness, care, and concern that we treat a good friend. | 以同样的善意,关心和关心 我们对待一个好朋友。 |
| 19 | And it was like a light bulb went off over my head at that moment. | 就像灯泡在我头上爆炸了 |
| 20 | I realized, well first I thought, what, you're allowed to be nice to yourself and this is | 我意识到,首先我想,什么, 你被允许对自己好,这是 |
| 21 | being encouraged? | 被鼓励? |
| 22 | But I realized it was exactly what I needed in that difficult moment in my life. | 但我意识到,这正是我需要的 在那个艰难的时刻,我的生活。 |
| 23 | So really from that day forward, I can say I intentionally tried to be more compassionate | 所以从那天起,我可以说 我故意要更加同情 |
| 24 | to myself, and it made a huge difference almost immediately. | 对我自己来说,这几乎立即就产生了巨大的影响。 |
| 25 | And then luckily I did get a job. | 幸运的是,我得到了一份工作。 |
| 26 | I did two years of post-doctoral study with one of the country's leading self-esteem researchers. | 我和全国一流的自尊研究者进行了两年博士后研究. |
| 27 | And while working with her, I started to realize that self-compassion offered a lot of benefits | 和她合作的时候 我开始意识到自我同情会带来很多好处 |
| 28 | that self-esteem didn't. | 那种自尊没有。 |
| 29 | All right, so let me start by defining what I mean by self-esteem. | 好吧,所以让我开始 定义我的意思是自尊。 |
| 30 | Self-esteem is a global evaluation of self-worth, a judgment. | 自尊是对自我价值的全球评价,判断. |
| 31 | Am I a good person or am I a bad person? | 我是好人还是坏人? |
| 32 | And for many years, psychologists really saw self-esteem as the ultimate marker of psychological | 多年以来,心理学家们 将自尊视为心理的终极标志 |
| 33 | health. | 卫生。 |
| 34 | And there's a reason for that. | 则有因缘. |
| 35 | There's lots of research that shows if you have low self-esteem, if you hate yourself, | 有很多研究显示,如果你有 低自尊,如果你恨自己, |
| 36 | you're going to be depressed, you're going to be anxious, you're going to have all sorts | 你会很沮丧,你会很焦虑,你会有各种各样的 |
| 37 | of psychological problems. | 心理问题。 |
| 38 | If it gets really bad, you might even consider suicide. | 如果情况很糟 你甚至会考虑自杀 |
| 39 | However, high self-esteem also can be problematic. | 然而,高度的自尊心也可能是有问题的。 |
| 40 | The problem is not if you have it, it's how you get it. | 问题不是如果你有它, 它是如何得到它。 |
| 41 | So in American culture, to have high self-esteem, we have to feel special and above average. | 因此,在美国文化中,要有很高的自尊,我们必须感到特殊和高于平均水平. |
| 42 | Okay? | 好吗? |
| 43 | If I told any one of you, your work performance, oh, it's average, or you're an average mother, | 如果我告诉你们任何人, 你的工作表现, 哦,这是平均的, 或者你是一个普通的母亲, |
| 44 | or if you told me afterwards that this talk was average, I'd be crushed, all right? | 或者如果你事后告诉我 这次谈话是普通的, 我会被粉碎,好吗? |
| 45 | It's not okay to be average. | 这是不好的,平均。 |
| 46 | It's considered an insult to be average. | 这被认为是一般的侮辱. |
| 47 | So what's the problem with that if all of us have to be above average at the same time? | 那么,如果我们大家必须同时高于平均水平,那有什么问题呢? |
| 48 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 49 | Are the words logical impossibilities springing to mind here? | 逻辑上的无精打采的字眼 是否在这里出现? |
| 50 | Right? | 对吧? |
| 51 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 52 | So what happens if we all have to feel above average is we start playing these little games. | 所以,如果我们都觉得自己高于平均水平, 会发生什么? 我们开始玩这些小游戏。 |
| 53 | We start subtly finding ways to puff ourselves up and to put others down so we can feel better | 我们开始巧妙地 寻找办法 自我膨胀 并放下其他人 这样我们就可以感觉更好 |
| 54 | about ourselves in comparison. | 比较一下我们自己 |
| 55 | And some people actually take this to an extreme. | 而有些人实际上 把它带到一个极端。 |
| 56 | You may or may not know, but there is an epidemic of narcissism in this culture. | 你可能知道,也可能不知道, 但在这个文化中存在着自恋的流行。 |
| 57 | They've been tracking the narcissism levels of college undergraduates for the past 25 | 过去25年他们一直在追踪大学本科生的自恋程度 |
| 58 | years, and they are at the highest levels ever recorded. | 这些年来,他们处于有史以来最高的水平。 |
| 59 | And actually, a lot of psychologists believe this is because of the self-esteem movement | 事实上,很多心理学家认为 这是因为自尊运动 |
| 60 | in the schools. | 在学校。 |
| 61 | And there are a lot of nasty social dynamics that can stem from needing to feel better | 有很多肮脏的社会动态 可以从需要感觉更好 |
| 62 | than others to feel good about ourselves. | 比别人更能自觉 |
| 63 | We also have an epidemic of bullying in our culture, in our schools. | 我们的文化、学校中也普遍存在欺凌现象。 |
| 64 | Well, why do kids bully? | 为什么孩子们欺负我? |
| 65 | Why do kids who are forming their sense of self feel they've got to bully others is partly | 为什么那些正在形成自我感的孩子 觉得他们不得不欺负别人 一部分 |
| 66 | to build their own sense of self-esteem, to feel that they are stronger, more powerful | 建立他们自己的自尊感, 觉得他们更强大,更强大 |
| 67 | than these other kids that they're picking on? | 比其他孩子要多吗? |
| 68 | Or why are people prejudiced? | 或者为什么人们有偏见? |
| 69 | Why do we feel that our religious group or our ethnic group or our political party is | 为什么我们觉得 我们的宗教团体 或我们的民族 或我们的政党 |
| 70 | better than the other group, partly in order to enhance our own self-esteem? | 优于其他群体,部分是为了增强我们的自尊? |
| 71 | Another problem with self-esteem is that it's contingent. | 自尊的另一个问题是,这是偶然的。 |
| 72 | It's contingent on success. | 这取决于成功。 |
| 73 | We only feel good about ourselves when we succeed in those domains of life that are | 当我们在生活领域取得成功时,我们才会对自己感觉很好 |
| 74 | important to us, but what happens when we fail? | 对我们很重要 但我们失败后怎么办? |
| 75 | What happens when we don't meet our ideal standards? | 如果我们达不到理想的标准怎么办? |
| 76 | We feel lousy. | 我们感觉糟透了 |
| 77 | We feel terrible about ourselves. | 我们对自己感到很可怕。 |
| 78 | And for women, this is especially hard because what do you think research shows around the | 对于女性来说,这特别困难,因为你认为研究会显示 |
| 79 | world, the number one domain in which women invest their self-esteem, right? | 世界,妇女投资于自尊的第一领域,对不对? |
| 80 | Our perception of how attractive we are. | 我们对我们有多有吸引力的看法。 |
| 81 | And the standards for women are so high. | 女性的标准很高 |
| 82 | How can we feel above average in looks when we're looking at all these supermodels? | 当我们看着这些超模时,我们如何能感觉比一般人更普通呢? |
| 83 | Even the supermodels feel insecure compared to other supermodels, right? | 连超级模特儿都觉得跟其他超级模特儿相比不安全,对吧? |
| 84 | It's very interesting if you look at this developmentally. | 如果你从发展角度来看,这很有趣。 |
| 85 | Around third grade, boys and girls both think they're pretty attractive and they have fairly | 三年级左右,男生和女生都认为自己很有吸引力,而且他们很公平 |
| 86 | high levels of self-esteem. | 高度的自尊心。 |
| 87 | And then for boys, about the end of sixth grade, yeah, looking pretty good, feeling | 然后对于男孩,大约六年级结束, 是的,看起来不错,感觉 |
| 88 | pretty good. | 不错 |
| 89 | End of high school, looking good, feeling good about myself. | 高中毕业,气色不错,对自己感觉很好. |
| 90 | But for girls after third grade, their perception of how attractive they are and therefore their | 但对于三年级后的女孩来说,她们认为自己有多有吸引力,因此,她们 |
| 91 | self-esteem starts to take a nosedive. | 自尊开始有鼻血了 |
| 92 | It starts very young. | 它开始非常年轻。 |
| 93 | So how do we get off this treadmill, this constant need to feel better than others so | 那么我们怎么离开这个跑步机, 这不断需要感觉好过其他人,所以 |
| 94 | that we can feel good about ourselves? | 我们能对自己感觉很好吗? |
| 95 | Well, that's where self-compassion comes in, okay? | 这就是自我同情的地方,好吗? |
| 96 | Self-compassion is not a way of judging ourselves positively. | 自我同情并不是一种正面评价自己的方式。 |
| 97 | Self-compassion is a way of relating to ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves as we are, flaws | 自我同情是一种与自己友好相处的方式, 拥抱我们自己, 缺陷 |
| 98 | and all, okay? | 所有,好吗? |
| 99 | I actually define self-compassion in my research as having three core components. | 我在研究中将自我同情定义为有三个核心组成部分。 |
| 100 | The first you might say is the most obvious, and that is treating ourselves with kindness | 首先,你可以说是最明显的, 那就是对待我们自己 |
| 101 | versus harsh self-judgment. | 相对于严苛的自我判断. |
| 102 | Treating ourselves like we treat a good friend with encouragement, understanding, empathy, | 对待我们自己 就像对待一个好朋友 以鼓励,理解,同情, |
| 103 | patience, gentleness. | 耐心,温柔。 |
| 104 | But if you stop to check in with how we treat ourselves, especially on a bad day when things | 但是如果你停止检查 我们如何对待自己, 特别是在一个糟糕的一天 当事情 |
| 105 | aren't going so well, we are often harsher and more cruel to ourselves in the language | 不太顺利,我们经常在语言上更严厉更残忍 |
| 106 | we use. | 我们使用。 |
| 107 | We say things to ourselves we would never say to someone we cared about. | 我们对自己说,我们永远不会对我们关心的人说。 |
| 108 | We say things to ourselves that we probably even wouldn't say to someone we didn't like | 我们对自己说 我们甚至可能不会对不喜欢的人说 |
| 109 | very much, okay? | 非常喜欢,好吗? |
| 110 | We are often our own worst enemy. | 我们往往是我们自己的最坏的敌人。 |
| 111 | So with self-compassion, we reverse that pattern and start treating ourselves like we treat | 自我同情 扭转模式 开始像对待自己 |
| 112 | our good friends. | 我们的好朋友 |
| 113 | The second component of self-compassion is common humanity, all right? | 自我同情的第二个组成部分是共同的人性,好吗? |
| 114 | Where self-esteem asks, how am I different than others? | 自尊所问之处,我与他人何异? |
| 115 | Self-compassion says, well, how am I the same as others? | 自我同情的人说 我和别人怎么一样 |
| 116 | And one of the ways we are the same as others, what does it mean to be human? | 我们和别人一样的方式之一 成为人类意味着什么? |
| 117 | To be human means to be imperfect. | 做人意味着不完美。 |
| 118 | All of us, everyone in the entire globe, we are imperfect as people and our lives are | 我们所有人, 全世界每一个人, 我们都是不完美的, 正如人和我们的生活 |
| 119 | imperfect. | 完美无缺。 |
| 120 | That is the shared human experience. | 这就是人类的共同经验。 |
| 121 | Often what happens, though, irrationally, when we notice something about ourselves, | 经常会发生什么,虽然,非理性的, 当我们注意到一些关于自己的事情, |
| 122 | we haven't reached our goal or we're struggling in life, we feel as if something has gone | 我们还没有达到目标,或者我们在生活中挣扎, 我们感觉好像有些东西不见了 |
| 123 | wrong here. | 这里不对 |
| 124 | This is abnormal. | 这是不正常的。 |
| 125 | This shouldn't be this way. | 这不应该是这种方式。 |
| 126 | I shouldn't be failing to reach my goals. | 我不应该没有达到我的目标。 |
| 127 | And it's that feeling of abnormality, of separation from others that is so psychologically damaging. | 正是这种不正常的感觉, 与他人分离的感觉, 造成了如此严重的心理伤害。 |
| 128 | We make it so much worse by feeling we're isolated in our suffering and our imperfection, | 我们感到自己被孤立在痛苦和不完美之中 使得事情变得更糟 |
| 129 | when in fact that's precisely what connects us to other people. | 这正是我们和别人的关联 |
| 130 | And then the third component of self-compassion is mindfulness. | 然则自性之三成是念念. |
| 131 | Mindfulness means being with what is in the present moment. | 心意意指与现在的事物同在. |
| 132 | And we need to be able to turn toward, acknowledge, validate, and accept the fact that we are | 我们需要能够转向,承认,验证,并接受这样一个事实: |
| 133 | suffering in order to give ourselves compassion. | 受苦受难 以示同情 |
| 134 | Now, actually, oftentimes we aren't aware of our own suffering, especially when that | 现在,实际上,我们经常不知道 我们自己的痛苦,特别是当 |
| 135 | suffering comes from our own harsh self-criticism. | 痛苦来自我们自己的严酷自我批评。 |
| 136 | We get so lost in the role of self-critic, so identified with it, so identified with | 我们迷失在自我批评的角色, 如此认同它,如此认同 |
| 137 | the part of ourselves of the back is straight saying, you are wrong, you should have done | 你错了,你应该这么做 |
| 138 | better, that we don't even notice the incredible pain we're causing ourselves. | 更好的是,我们甚至没有注意到 我们自己造成的令人难以置信的痛苦。 |
| 139 | And if we don't notice what we're doing to ourselves with our harsh self-criticism, | 如果我们不注意到我们用严酷的自我批评 对自己做了什么 |
| 140 | we can't give ourselves the compassion we need. | 我们不能给自己 同情我们需要。 |
| 141 | So you might be asking, you know, why do we do it? | 所以你可能问,你知道, 为什么我们这样做? |
| 142 | Self-criticism, we know it's painful, why do we do it? | 自我批评,我们知道这很痛苦,我们为什么要这样做? |
| 143 | What we've actually found in research, there's a lot of reasons we're self-critical, but | 我们在研究中发现的,有很多原因 我们自我批评,但是 |
| 144 | the number one reason is that we believe we need our self-criticism to motivate ourselves. | 第一个原因是,我们认为我们需要自我批评来激励自己。 |
| 145 | That if we are too kind to ourselves, we will be self-indulgent and lazy. | 如果我们对自己太好,我们就会自负和懒惰。 |
| 146 | Okay? | 好吗? |
| 147 | So the question is, is it true? | 问题是,这是真的吗? |
| 148 | Is it true? | 真的吗? |
| 149 | Actually, the research shows just the opposite. | 实际上,研究显示恰恰相反。 |
| 150 | Self-criticism undermines our motivation, and here's why. | 自我批评破坏了我们的动机,这就是原因. |
| 151 | When we criticize ourselves, we are tapping into our body's threat defense system, | 当我们批评自己时,我们正在挖掘 我们的身体的威胁防御系统, |
| 152 | the reptilian brain. | 爬行动物的大脑。 |
| 153 | Okay, this system evolves so that if there was a threat to our physical person, | 好吧,这个系统进化 所以如果有人威胁我们的身体 |
| 154 | we would release adrenaline and cortisol and prepare for the fight or flight response. | 我们会释放肾上腺素和皮质醇 准备战斗或飞行反应 |
| 155 | Now, the system evolved for threats to our actual bodily self, but in modern times, | 系统是用来威胁我们身体的 但是在现代 |
| 156 | typically the threat is not to our actual selves, but to our self-concept. | 通常威胁的不是我们自己 而是我们的自我观念 |
| 157 | So when we think a thought about ourselves that we don't like, | 所以,当我们想到 我们不喜欢自己的时候, |
| 158 | that's some imperfection, we feel threatened. | 有点不完美,我们感到威胁。 |
| 159 | And so we attack the problem, meaning we attack ourselves. | 于是我们攻击问题,意味着我们攻击自己。 |
| 160 | And with self-criticism, it's a double whammy because we are both the attacker and the attacked. | 加上自我批评,它是一个双击 因为我们既是攻击者,又是攻击者。 |
| 161 | So self-criticism releases a lot of cortisol. | 所以自我批评会释放很多皮质醇. |
| 162 | If you are a constant self-critic, you will have constantly high levels of stress, | 如果你是一个不断的自我批评, 你会有 持续的高度压力, |
| 163 | and eventually the body, to protect itself, will shut itself down | 最后身体,为了保护自己,会关闭自己 |
| 164 | and become depressed in order to deal with all the stress. | 并变得抑郁 以便应对所有的压力。 |
| 165 | And as we know, depression is not exactly the best motivational mind state. | 我们知道,抑郁症并不是最好的激励性心理状态。 |
| 166 | Alright? | 好吗? |
| 167 | Luckily, we aren't just reptiles. | 幸好我们不只是爬行动物 |
| 168 | We're also mammals. | 我们也是哺乳动物。 |
| 169 | Okay? | 好吗? |
| 170 | There's another way we can feel safe, | 还有另一种方式,我们可以感到安全, |
| 171 | and that is by tapping into the mammalian caregiving system. | 也就是利用哺乳动物的护理系统 |
| 172 | What's unique about mammals is they are born very immature, | 哺乳动物的独特之处在于 它们生来很不成熟 |
| 173 | which means the system had to be evolved | 也就是说系统必须发展 |
| 174 | in which the infant would want to stay close next to the mother and stay safe, | 在其中,婴儿会想 保持接近母亲 并保持安全, |
| 175 | which means our bodies are programmed to respond to warmth, gentle touch, and soft vocalizations. | 这意味着我们的身体被编程 对于温暖,温柔的触摸, 和柔软的声调。 |
| 176 | So when we give ourselves compassion, the research shows we actually reduce our cortisol levels | 因此,当我们给自己同情心时,研究显示,我们实际上降低了皮质醇水平。 |
| 177 | and release oxytocin and opiates, which are the feel-good hormones. | 释放出催产素和阿片剂 这些是感觉良好的激素 |
| 178 | And when we feel safe and comforted, we are in the optimal mind state to do our best. | 而当我们感到安全舒适的时候,我们处于最佳的思维状态,以尽力. |
| 179 | And it's actually very easy to see when we think about how to best motivate our children. | 事实上,当我们想着怎样才能最好地激励我们的孩子时,很容易看到。 |
| 180 | So let's say there is a father whose son comes home from high school with a failing math grade. | 这么说吧 有个父亲的儿子从高中毕业 数学成绩不及格 |
| 181 | The father has two different ways to try to motivate his child. | 父亲有两种不同的方式试图激励孩子. |
| 182 | The first is with harsh criticism. | 首先是受到严厉的批评。 |
| 183 | The son comes in, shows the father the math grade, and the father says, | 儿子进来 给父亲看数学成绩 父亲说 |
| 184 | I'm ashamed of you. | 我为你感到羞愧。 |
| 185 | What a loser. | 真是个失败者。 |
| 186 | You'll never amount to anything. | 你永远不会成为任何东西。 |
| 187 | Doesn't that make you cringe? | 这难道不让你失望吗? |
| 188 | And yet, isn't that often precisely the type of language we use with ourselves? | 然而,这难道不是 我们经常使用的语言类型吗? |
| 189 | And what's going to happen to that son? | 那儿子会怎么样? |
| 190 | Will he try harder? | 他会更努力吗? |
| 191 | Well, yes, he will for the short term. | 嗯,是的,他会短期内。 |
| 192 | But eventually, he's going to lose faith in himself. | 但最终,他将失去对自己的信心. |
| 193 | He's going to become depressed, and he will become afraid of failure | 他将变得沮丧, 他会害怕失败 |
| 194 | and probably give up math because the consequences of failing again are just too dire. | 并可能放弃数学 因为失败的后果 再次太可怕。 |
| 195 | But what if the father takes a compassionate approach? | 但如果父亲采取同情的态度呢? |
| 196 | The son shows him the failing math grade, and the father says, | 儿子给他看数学不及格的成绩 父亲说 |
| 197 | Ooh, ouch. | 哦,亲爱的。 |
| 198 | Wow, you must be hurting. | 哇,你一定很受伤。 |
| 199 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 200 | Hey, give me a hug. | 嘿,给我一个拥抱。 |
| 201 | I still love you. | 我还是爱你 |
| 202 | It happens to everyone. | 每个人都会这样 |
| 203 | But I know you want to get your math grades up because you want to go to college. | 但是我知道你想把数学成绩提高 因为你想上大学 |
| 204 | Here's what compassion says. | 慈悲心如是说. |
| 205 | What can I do to help? | 我能帮上什么忙? |
| 206 | How can I support you? | 我该怎么支持你? |
| 207 | And the more encouraging, loving, compassionate the father is, | 父亲越是鼓舞人心 慈悲慈悲 |
| 208 | the better place emotionally the son will be in to do his best. | 儿子在感情上会做得更好 |
| 209 | And luckily, research strongly supports everything I've been saying. | 幸运的是,研究有力地支持我所说的一切。 |
| 210 | The last few years especially have seen a sharp uptick | 在过去几年里, 尤其出现了尖锐的上升 |
| 211 | in the number of research studies conducted on self-compassion. | 关于自我同情的研究数量。 |
| 212 | And the bottom line is unequivocally, | 底线是明确的, |
| 213 | self-compassion is very strongly related to mental well-being. | 自我同情与心理健康密切相关。 |
| 214 | It's strongly related to less depression, less anxiety, less stress, less perfectionism. | 它与抑郁症少,焦虑少,压力少,完美主义有密切的关系. |
| 215 | It's equally strongly related to positive states like happiness, like life satisfaction. | 它同样与幸福,生活满足等正态关系密切. |
| 216 | It's linked to greater motivation, taking greater self-responsibility, | 这和更大的动机有关 承担更大的自我责任 |
| 217 | making healthier lifestyle choices. | 做出更健康的生活方式选择。 |
| 218 | It's also linked to having more sense of connectedness | 连结起来也更能感知 |
| 219 | with others, better interpersonal relationships. | 和别人,更好的人际关系。 |
| 220 | We've also done some research comparing directly self-esteem and self-compassion. | 我们还做了一些研究,直接比较自尊和自我同情. |
| 221 | And what we find, what you can say is that self-compassion | 我们发现,你可以说,自我同情 |
| 222 | offers the benefits of self-esteem without the pitfalls. | 提供无陷阱的自尊的好处。 |
| 223 | So it's associated with strong mental health, | 因此,它与强烈的精神健康有关, |
| 224 | but it's not associated with narcissism or constant social comparison | 但和自恋或不断的社会比较无关 |
| 225 | or ego-defensive aggression. | 或自卫的侵略。 |
| 226 | It also provides a much more stable sense of self-worth than self-esteem does | 这也提供了比自尊更稳定的自我价值感 |
| 227 | because it's there for you precisely when you fail. | 因为当你失败的时候 它就在那里 |
| 228 | Just when self-esteem deserts you, self-compassion steps in | 当自尊抛弃你的时候,自我同情就步入 |
| 229 | and gives you a sense of being valuable, | 并给你一种有价值的感觉, |
| 230 | not because you've reached some standard or you've judged yourself positively, | 并不是因为你达到了某种标准 也不是因为你对自己作出了积极的评价 |
| 231 | but because you are a human being worthy of love in that moment. | 但因为你是一个值得爱的人 在那一刻。 |
| 232 | And again, this is something I really know from my personal life. | 再说一次,这是我从个人生活中 了解到的。 |
| 233 | The greatest challenge I've faced in my life so far | 这是我一生中遇到的最大挑战 |
| 234 | was when my son Rowan was diagnosed with autism. | 那时我儿子Rowan被诊断患有自闭症 |
| 235 | And luckily, when he was diagnosed, | 幸运的是,当他被诊断出来时, |
| 236 | I had a long practice of self-compassion under my belt. | 我腰带下有很长的自我同情练习. |
| 237 | So when I first got the diagnosis, I felt incredible grief. | 所以当我第一次得到诊断, 我感到不可思议的悲伤。 |
| 238 | I even felt some shame. | 我甚至觉得有些羞耻。 |
| 239 | And it was very hard to feel that, to admit that to myself, | 很难感觉到,我承认, |
| 240 | because how could I feel grief about this child | 因为我怎么能为这个孩子感到悲伤 |
| 241 | who I love more than anyone else in the world? | 我最爱的是谁? |
| 242 | The thing is, I was feeling that, | 问题是,我觉得, |
| 243 | and I knew that what I needed at that moment | 我知道我需要的那一刻 |
| 244 | was to embrace how difficult it was. | 是拥抱它是多么困难。 |
| 245 | And the more I could embrace my own grief, | 我越能拥抱自己的悲伤 |
| 246 | the more quickly I moved through it, | 我越快地穿过它, |
| 247 | and then the more able I was to turn toward him | 然后,我越能转向他 |
| 248 | and accept and love him for who he was. | 并接受和爱 他是谁。 |
| 249 | It also helped me over and over again in the heat of the moment. | 这也帮助我 一次又一次地在热的时刻。 |
| 250 | So, as you may know, one issue with autistic children, | 所以,如你所知, 一个问题与自闭症儿童, |
| 251 | especially when they're young, is they can throw very terrible tantrums. | 特别是当他们年轻的时候, 他们可以扔非常可怕的暴风雨。 |
| 252 | So imagine being on a plane to England. | 想象一下在飞往英国的飞机上 |
| 253 | This is a true story. | 这是一个真实的故事。 |
| 254 | Rome was four years old. | 罗马时年四岁. |
| 255 | I don't know what set him off, | 我不知道是什么让他崩溃的, |
| 256 | but he throws a doozy of a tantrum, right? | 但他会发脾气,对吧? |
| 257 | Flailing, screaming. | 尖叫着,尖叫着 |
| 258 | Everyone on that plane looking at us like they wish we were dead. | 那架飞机上的人都看着我们 好像他们希望我们死一样 |
| 259 | You know, he's four years old, he looks normal. | 他才四岁 看起来很正常 |
| 260 | People are thinking, | 人们在想, |
| 261 | What's wrong with this kid? | 这孩子怎么了? |
| 262 | Why is he acting this way? | 他为什么这样? |
| 263 | And what's wrong with this mother? | 这母亲怎么了? |
| 264 | Why can't she control her child? | 为什么她不能控制她的孩子? |
| 265 | Okay, lots of fear. | 好吧,许多恐惧。 |
| 266 | What do I do? | 我该怎么办? |
| 267 | Jumping out the window, sadly, wasn't an option, so... | 跳出窗户,可悲, 不是一个选择,所以... |
| 268 | Okay, I know, I'll take him to the bathroom. | 好吧,我知道,我会带他去浴室。 |
| 269 | I can try to comfort him there. | 我可以试着安慰他 |
| 270 | Maybe it'll muffle the screams. | 也许能打消尖叫声 |
| 271 | So I'm kind of taking this four-year-old flailing child to the bathroom, | 所以我要带这个四岁小孩上厕所 |
| 272 | which was, of course, occupied, right? | 这当然是被占用了,对不对? |
| 273 | So imagine being in that little space outside the bathroom door | 所以想象一下在厕所门外的小空间里 |
| 274 | with this tantruming child, | 与这个令人发指的孩子, |
| 275 | and I knew in that moment the only refuge I had was self-compassion. | 那时我知道我唯一的避难所是自我同情 |
| 276 | So I put my hands over my heart, and I tried to comfort him, | 所以我把手放在心上 我试着安慰他 |
| 277 | but I was mainly focusing on myself. | 但我主要专注于我自己 |
| 278 | This is so hard right now, darling. | 这太难了,亲爱的。 |
| 279 | I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm here for you. | 我很抱歉你经历这一切 但我为你而来 |
| 280 | And you know what? | 你知道吗? |
| 281 | It got me through. | 它让我通过。 |
| 282 | And by allowing myself to be open-hearted toward myself, | 通过让我对自己敞开心扉 |
| 283 | I could remain open-hearted to Rowan. | 我可以对罗文敞开心扉 |
| 284 | People sometimes think self-compassion is self-indulgent or selfish. | 人们有时会认为自我同情是自我纵容或自私的. |
| 285 | It's not, because the more we are able to keep our hearts open to ourselves, | 不是的,因为我们越能 保持我们的心对自己开放, |
| 286 | the more we have available to give to others. | 我们能给别人的更多 |
| 287 | So I would like to invite you to try to be more compassionate to yourself, | 所以,我想请您 尝试更加同情自己, |
| 288 | especially as women. | 特别是女人 |
| 289 | You know how to do it. | 你知道该怎么做。 |
| 290 | You know how to be a good friend. | 你知道如何成为一个好朋友。 |
| 291 | You know what to say to comfort someone when they're in need. | 你知道该说什么来安慰有需要的人 |
| 292 | You just have to remember to be a good friend to yourself. | 你只需要记住要成为自己的好朋友 |
| 293 | It's easier than you think, and it really could change your life. | 这比你想象的容易, 它真的可以改变你的生活。 |
| 294 | And that's why I think self-compassion is an idea we're spreading. | 这就是为什么我认为自我同情是我们传播的理念。 |
| 295 | It's easier than you think, and it really could change your life. | 这比你想象的容易, 它真的可以改变你的生活。 |
该视频共有字幕 296 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格