【TED演讲】为什么不要在工作中“过度道歉”？
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:11 | So let me ask you | 我问你 |
| 0:14 | When was the last time that you said, I'm sorry | 你上次说的时候,我很抱歉 |
| 0:21 | Did you do something bad? | 你有没有做坏事? |
| 0:23 | Did you hurt someone physically or emotionally? | 你伤害了别人吗? |
| 0:28 | Or was it something simple you stepped on her toe when you went and took your seat | 还是你走的时候踩到她的脚趾很简单? |
| 0:34 | I'm not here to talk about those kinds of I'm sorry's | 我不是来谈那些对不起的 |
| 0:41 | I'm here to talk about the kinds of I'm sorry's you say | 我是来谈那些事的 我很抱歉你说 |
| 0:46 | When you have done nothing wrong | 当你没有做错什么 |
| 0:51 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 0:53 | I couldn't make that last-minute 8 a.m. Meeting you put on my calendar | 我无法完成最后一分钟 8点。 遇见你把我的日历 |
展开字幕全文（199 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So let me ask you | 我问你 |
| 2 | When was the last time that you said, I'm sorry | 你上次说的时候,我很抱歉 |
| 3 | Did you do something bad? | 你有没有做坏事? |
| 4 | Did you hurt someone physically or emotionally? | 你伤害了别人吗? |
| 5 | Or was it something simple you stepped on her toe when you went and took your seat | 还是你走的时候踩到她的脚趾很简单? |
| 6 | I'm not here to talk about those kinds of I'm sorry's | 我不是来谈那些对不起的 |
| 7 | I'm here to talk about the kinds of I'm sorry's you say | 我是来谈那些事的 我很抱歉你说 |
| 8 | When you have done nothing wrong | 当你没有做错什么 |
| 9 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 10 | I couldn't make that last-minute 8 a.m. Meeting you put on my calendar | 我无法完成最后一分钟 8点。 遇见你把我的日历 |
| 11 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 12 | I have to pick up my kid. | 我必须去接我的孩子。 |
| 13 | I can't stay late tonight | 我今晚不能迟到 |
| 14 | I'm sorry my dad | 对不起,我爸爸 |
| 15 | He's not doing well. | 他表现不好 |
| 16 | I can't do that volunteer work. | 我不能做那个志愿者的工作。 |
| 17 | You asked me to do | 是你叫我这么做的 |
| 18 | those kinds of I'm sorry's | 这些类型的我很抱歉 |
| 19 | They're not just words. | 他们不只是言语。 |
| 20 | They're signals | 他们是信号 |
| 21 | Perceived failures and I know it may seem small, right? | 我知道它看起来可能很小 对吧? |
| 22 | Half the time I don't even hear myself saying it, but these I'm sorry's are | 一半时间我甚至不听自己说, 但这些我很抱歉 |
| 23 | our inner | 我们的内心 |
| 24 | undoing | 正在撤销 |
| 25 | Not loud not sudden | 不大声,不突然 |
| 26 | just quiet | 安静 |
| 27 | erosion and | 侵蚀和 |
| 28 | Each time we say it and we have done nothing wrong | 每次我们说,我们没有做错什么 |
| 29 | We are declaring to the world our needs don't matter and it wears away at us | 我们向世界宣示我们的需要 不重要,它会磨损我们 |
| 30 | Until we have nothing left to give to our family our work | 直到我们一无所有 给我们的家庭我们的工作 |
| 31 | ourselves | 我们自己 |
| 32 | What if what we're actually trying to do is prioritize? | 如果我们真正想做的是优先处理呢? |
| 33 | What if we are trying to live full lives? | 如果我们想要过上充实的生活呢? |
| 34 | Without needing to apologize I call it | 不用道歉,我叫你们道歉 |
| 35 | unapologetic | 未解析 |
| 36 | prioritization the act of choosing what matters most in the moment | 优先选择当前最重要的事情 |
| 37 | Say what you need | 随便你怎么说 |
| 38 | share what you'll give that's | 分享你会给的 |
| 39 | unapologetic prioritization and | 确定优先级和 |
| 40 | This is not about doing less. | 这不是做少。 |
| 41 | It's about doing more of what matters most | 这是关于做更多最重要的事情 |
| 42 | What matters most isn't fixed it changes it may mean that big job opportunity that changes | 最重要的不是固定 它改变 它可能意味着 大的工作机会改变 |
| 43 | Everything and yeah, you may need to ask your family to make some sacrifices make dinner at night | 所有的事情,是的,你可能需要要求 你的家人做一些牺牲 在晚上做晚餐 |
| 44 | Carpool in the morning while you travel to New York City each week | 你每星期去纽约市的时候 早上的车库 |
| 45 | sometimes it's just | 有时只是 |
| 46 | Reframing what success looks like at work so you can go home and have the time and the energy | 反省工作上的成功 让你能回家 拥有时间和精力 |
| 47 | To meet the needs of that struggling teenager or maybe finish that book. | 满足那个挣扎的青少年的需要 或者完成这本书。 |
| 48 | You've been meaning to write see | 你一直想写 |
| 49 | unapologetic prioritization | 异常优先排序 |
| 50 | It's about protecting what's essential | 保护重要的东西 |
| 51 | Even if no one understands it because it is core to our values who we are and what we need | 即使没有人理解它,因为它是我们价值观的核心 我们是谁,我们需要什么 |
| 52 | Right now and I'm not here to say we need to do it alone. | 现在,我不是在这里说 我们需要独自做到这一点。 |
| 53 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 54 | am here | 来了 |
| 55 | to say that this | 说这个 |
| 56 | unapologetic prioritization it is no solo act it is a shared commitment at home at work in | 它不是独奏 而是在家工作时的共同承诺 |
| 57 | our circles I | 我们的圈子 我 |
| 58 | Know that we reward exhaustion. | 要知道,我们奖励疲劳。 |
| 59 | I know that we confuse | 我知道我们迷惑 |
| 60 | burnout with commitment and I know that we treat boundaries like threats I | 我知道我们把边界当成威胁对待 |
| 61 | Have known leaders | 认识的领袖 |
| 62 | Who never saw it coming? | 谁没料到? |
| 63 | Until sarcasm pushed everyone away | 直到讽刺把大家推开 |
| 64 | Until they won that big win, but felt nothing | 直到他们赢了这个大胜,但感觉不到 |
| 65 | until they were finally pushed out and | 直到他们最终被赶出去 |
| 66 | That's when they had the moment to realize | 那时,他们有 时刻意识到 |
| 67 | That they needed help | 他们需要帮助 |
| 68 | long ago | 很久以前,我一直觉得 |
| 69 | So this community-based unapologetic prioritization. | 因此,这个基于社区的不合理优先。 |
| 70 | It is no easy lift, right? | 这不是一个容易的电梯,对不对? |
| 71 | So let's start first | 我们先开始吧 |
| 72 | with a simple first example | 以简单的第一个例子 |
| 73 | instead of saying | 而不是说 |
| 74 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 75 | I need to pick up my kid say thank you for understanding | 我得去接我的孩子 说谢谢你的理解 |
| 76 | We'll regroup in the morning. | 明早再组队 |
| 77 | It's not about being difficult. | 亦非为难. |
| 78 | It's about being clear | 这是关于清楚 |
| 79 | Okay | 还好 |
| 80 | another example | 另一个实例 |
| 81 | back in my ad agency days | 回到我的广告代理时代 |
| 82 | The moments leading up to a big pitch was all-nighters and absolute chaos | 导致大投球的瞬间 是一夜之间和绝对的混乱 |
| 83 | One of those nights I said to my team my brain it shuts off at 9 p.m | 其中一个晚上,我对我的团队说 我的大脑关闭 在晚上9点 |
| 84 | I'll be up at 4 a.m. To clean it up | 我会在凌晨4点起床。 收拾干净 |
| 85 | And yes, how is 4 a.m. Any better? | 4点怎么样? 有更好的吗? |
| 86 | Well | 这个嘛 |
| 87 | my brain it works better after a night's sleep and | 我的大脑在睡觉后工作得更好 |
| 88 | That's what I realized my team didn't need done at 1 a.m. | 这就是我意识到我的团队 在凌晨1点不需要完成。 |
| 89 | They needed fresh eyes | 他们需要新鲜的眼睛 |
| 90 | at 4 a.m. | 上午4时举行 |
| 91 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 92 | Also learned I could have felt like a failure saying I'm sorry and thinking to myself. | 也学会了,我可能觉得失败 说对不起和思考自己。 |
| 93 | Oh, I | 瓳и |
| 94 | Cannot keep up with these guys | 跟不上这些家伙 |
| 95 | Instead it was a team win | 反而是队中胜负 |
| 96 | And let's be honest. | 且道老实. |
| 97 | I'm sure not everyone was on board | 我肯定不是每个人都在船上 |
| 98 | I'm sure some of them were saying must be nice to cut out early | 我敢肯定,他们有些人说,一定很好 切出早期 |
| 99 | Why does she get to go to bed? | 为什么她要上床睡觉? |
| 100 | But instead the team walked in | 但是队伍却走进来了 |
| 101 | They opened up their laptops | 他们打开了笔记本电脑 |
| 102 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我做了这些 | |
| 103 | That's the shift for you and for those watching you go first | 这是轮到你和观众先走 |
| 104 | Now when it comes to sleep I have been and always will be clear on what I need and how to communicate it | 现在到了睡觉的时候,我一直并且永远会明白我需要什么以及如何沟通 |
| 105 | but | 不过 |
| 106 | We may not always know what we need | 我们可能并不总是知道我们需要什么 |
| 107 | until someone we care about | 直到我们关心的人 |
| 108 | shines a mirror in our face and | 照亮我们的镜子 |
| 109 | lets us know | 让我们知道 |
| 110 | That moment happened one day. | 那一刻有一天发生了。 |
| 111 | I'm out shopping with my husband and my daughter comes running up | 我和我丈夫出去逛街 我女儿跑来跑去 |
| 112 | Mom mom | 妈妈 妈妈 |
| 113 | This is you | 这是你 |
| 114 | Yes | 对 |
| 115 | My daughter handed me a coaster which read I have two modes | 我女儿递给我一辆摩托车 我有两个模式 |
| 116 | Namaste, and I cut you not literally mind you of course | 再见,我砍了你,当然你不介意 |
| 117 | It was funny we laughed | 我们笑起来真好笑 |
| 118 | but it hit home I | 但它击中了家 |
| 119 | Realized I was holding it all together and then I would snap and I would lash out | 我意识到我把一切都抱在一起,然后我就会抓起来,然后抽身 |
| 120 | At my husband at my daughter and that's the second step of unapologetic | 我丈夫对我女儿,这是第二步的不美观 |
| 121 | prioritization sometimes | 确定优先次序有时 |
| 122 | Others are going to see what you need first | 其他人会先看看你需要什么 |
| 123 | We need to be willing to receive it and then do something about it now | 我们需要愿意接受它 然后现在就做点什么 |
| 124 | The third step is actually being open to other people's needs | 第三步实际上是向别人开放 |
| 125 | Which is really hard | 这真的很难 |
| 126 | When the pressure is | 当压力是 |
| 127 | mounting and | 安装和 |
| 128 | Your job is on the line. | 你的工作是在线上的。 |
| 129 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 130 | Used to think no problem. | 以前没有问题 |
| 131 | I'll get ahead of it. | 我先发心. |
| 132 | I'll just change jobs | 我只是换工作 |
| 133 | That didn't work did it | 没用的 |
| 134 | Each time I was recruited away to work for another company | 每次我被征召到另一家公司工作 |
| 135 | I was asked to transform something and of course I delivered | 我被要求改变一些东西,当然我交付了 |
| 136 | The | 那个 |
| 137 | Transformation and change these are hard things | 转变和改变这些是艰难的 |
| 138 | So, of course every time I made someone feel badly, of course, I would say I'm sorry now remember | 所以,当然,每次我让别人感觉不好, 当然,我会说我很抱歉 现在记住 |
| 139 | Not for what I did | 不是因为我做了什么 |
| 140 | Because I delivered | 因为我交付 |
| 141 | for how I made them feel and | 因为我让他们感到 |
| 142 | That wore away at me at my conviction at my sense of belonging. | 我坚信我的归属感,这让我心烦意乱 |
| 143 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 144 | Realized I was so focused on leading | 我意识到我是如此专注于领导 |
| 145 | that I didn't leave time to actually | 我并没有留下时间去 |
| 146 | Really see how they were feeling and make sure that they were feeling heard | 真正看到他们是什么感觉 并确保他们的感觉被听到 |
| 147 | So this third step. | 所以这第三步。 |
| 148 | Yes | 对 |
| 149 | make sure | 保证 |
| 150 | you know what matters most to you and | 你知道什么是最重要的 你和 |
| 151 | Leave space for what matters most to others | 给别人留下最重要的空间 |
| 152 | Okay, now we've gone through the three steps, here's the hard part our brains | 好了,现在我们已经走过三个步骤, 这就是我们大脑的难处 |
| 153 | Don't let go of habits overnight and I believe we can all agree at this point saying | 不要一晚上就放弃习惯 我相信我们现在都同意 |
| 154 | I'm sorry is a bit of a habit | 对不起,有点习惯 |
| 155 | We are wired for protection not | 我们被窃听 保护不是 |
| 156 | prioritization and this survival brain | 优先和这个生存的大脑 |
| 157 | unlike the rest of our bodies | 不像我们其他的身体 |
| 158 | It feels like it gets stronger as we get older | 感觉我们变老后会变强 |
| 159 | It's spots danger and reacts | 这是危险和反应 |
| 160 | we shrink or lash out or | 我们收缩或拉出或 |
| 161 | people please or | 人们请或 |
| 162 | control the result is what | 控制结果是什么 |
| 163 | psychologists describe as | 心理学家描述为: |
| 164 | negativity bias | 否定偏差 |
| 165 | It's when our brains have the tendency to hold on to one bad experience or one doubt and | 当我们的大脑有倾向 坚持一个糟糕的经验或一个怀疑 |
| 166 | Then that outweighs | 那么,这比 |
| 167 | Everything else and then you have nothing left to get and the next thing, you know | 其他一切,然后你什么都没有了 接下来的事情,你知道的 |
| 168 | We are saying I'm sorry all the time the good news | 我们一直在说对不起 好消息是 |
| 169 | We can learn how to reframe our brains | 我们可以学会如何重新塑造我们的大脑 |
| 170 | But remember like I said in the beginning of the talk. | 但记住,我在谈话开始时说过 |
| 171 | You can't do this alone | 你不能一个人来 |
| 172 | We need to catch each other. | 我们需要抓住对方。 |
| 173 | We need to call each other out | 我们要互相呼唤 |
| 174 | Reframe together | 重新组合在一起 |
| 175 | So how about we create an I'm sorry jar? | 那么,我们创建一个 对不起罐子? |
| 176 | or simply put a sticky note on someone's computer or simply say | 或者简单地在别人的电脑上贴个字条 或者简单地说 |
| 177 | That's not selfish. | 这不是自私。 |
| 178 | That's smart because when we do | 那很聪明,因为我们做的时候 |
| 179 | We feel less like failures and we end our days feeling satisfied | 我们不觉得失败 结束我们的日子 感到满足 |
| 180 | So today | 所以,今天 |
| 181 | I'm not perfect | 我不够完美 |
| 182 | Just ask my husband. | 问我丈夫吧 |
| 183 | I | 一、导 言 |
| 184 | still go from namaste to | 还是从纳马斯特到 |
| 185 | snapping and | 扣动和 |
| 186 | Lashing out but I catch my failure mindset faster and I say what I need and I share what I'll give and | 但我的失败思维更快 说出我需要的 分享我给的 |
| 187 | I model that behavior so others | 我模仿着那种行为 |
| 188 | Feel empowered to do the same | 觉得自己有能力做同样的事情 |
| 189 | So let me ask you | 我问你 |
| 190 | what would it look like if you stop saying I'm sorry for what matters most and | 如果你停止说对不起什么是最重要的 |
| 191 | What would it look like if? | 如果是这样呢? |
| 192 | you modeled | 你曾经是模特 |
| 193 | prioritization not as something selfish | 确定重点不是自私的 |
| 194 | But as something contagious because when you do | 但作为传染性的东西 因为当你这样做 |
| 195 | We all benefit and the next thing, you know, we are all living a prioritized life | 我们都受益,接下来,你知道, 我们都生活在一个优先生活 |
| 196 | And we are leading others to do the same | 我们带领其他人也这样做 |
| 197 | So say what you need share what you'll give that is unapologetic | 所以,说,你需要分享什么 你会给予什么,这是不光彩的 |
| 198 | Prioritization and we do it together. | 优先和我们一起做。 |
| 199 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
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