是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】
共 3 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 中英双语 | 17:27 |
| P2 | 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 英文字幕(中文外挂) | 17:27 |
| P3 | 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 无字幕(中英外挂) | 17:27 |
P1 · 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 p01 中英双语 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:02 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 0:06 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 0:11 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 0:14 | is that most of us have experienced that wild | 是我们大多数人都经历过那种疯狂的 |
| 0:18 | and out-of-control feeling | 和失控的感觉 |
| 0:20 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 0:23 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃, |
| 0:25 | you can't sleep, you can't get anything done | 你睡不着 什么都做不了 |
| 0:29 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 0:33 | your heart's racing, you feel that adrenaline rush | 你的心在竞速,你感觉到肾上腺素的冲动 |
展开字幕全文（332 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 2 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 3 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 4 | is that most of us have experienced that wild | 是我们大多数人都经历过那种疯狂的 |
| 5 | and out-of-control feeling | 和失控的感觉 |
| 6 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 7 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃, |
| 8 | you can't sleep, you can't get anything done | 你睡不着 什么都做不了 |
| 9 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 10 | your heart's racing, you feel that adrenaline rush | 你的心在竞速,你感觉到肾上腺素的冲动 |
| 11 | when you see the other person, | 当你看到另一个人时, |
| 12 | and basically, you just want to be with that person. | 基本上,你只想和那个人在一起 |
| 13 | It's almost like an obsession. | 这几乎就像一个痴迷。 |
| 14 | I bet if I asked you to close your eyes, | 我敢打赌,如果我让你闭上眼睛, |
| 15 | you could definitely think back and remember | 你当然可以回想起来,记住 |
| 16 | that powerful and amazing feeling | 强烈而惊人的感觉 |
| 17 | that affects us physiologically. | 这对我们生理有影响 |
| 18 | I know I can, and I've been married for 22 years. | 我知道我可以, 我已经结婚了22年。 |
| 19 | But when we're in that heightened arousal state | 但是,当我们处于高度激动的状态 |
| 20 | at the beginning of a new romance, | 在新浪漫的开始, |
| 21 | many of us step back and ask the question, | 我们许多人退后,问问题, |
| 22 | what am I feeling? | 我是什么感觉? |
| 23 | Am I in lust or am I in love? | 我是在欲望 还是在恋爱? |
| 24 | Is it lust or is it love? | 是性欲还是爱? |
| 25 | What if I told you that you'll never have to wonder again? | 如果我告诉你 你再也不会怀疑了呢? |
| 26 | Because there are four specific signs | 因为有四个具体的迹象 |
| 27 | that differentiate lust from love, | 使欲欲与爱相区别, |
| 28 | and the two states, lust and love, | 两州之间,有情有情, |
| 29 | are completely different from one another. | 两者完全不同 |
| 30 | Be wonderful, right? | 棒极了 对吧? |
| 31 | So let's start with lust. | 故从性欲起. |
| 32 | When you're drawn to someone based solely on physical | 当你被吸引到某个人身上 完全基于身体上 |
| 33 | and sexual arousal or attraction, that's lust. | 和性刺激或吸引力, 这就是欲望。 |
| 34 | You're filled with sexual desire that doesn't stop, | 你充满了性欲,没有停止, |
| 35 | and all of those sex hormones are being produced | 所有这些性激素都在产生 |
| 36 | in your body at an alarming rate. | 在你体内以惊人的速度。 |
| 37 | You have sex on the brain. | 你脑子里有性 |
| 38 | Also, when we're in that heightened state of arousal | 而且,当我们处于高度的兴奋状态 |
| 39 | at a new relationship or in a new relationship, | 在新的关系中或在新的关系中, |
| 40 | we glorify or idealize our partner. | 我们赞美或理想化我们的伙伴。 |
| 41 | We don't see them for who they really are, | 我们没有看到他们的真实身份, |
| 42 | and in fact, we see them for who we want them to be | 事实上,我们看到他们 想要成为谁 |
| 43 | or need them to be. | 或需要他们。 |
| 44 | You've heard the phrase love is blind? | 你听说过爱情是盲目的吗? |
| 45 | Well, at the beginning of a new romance, | 嗯,在开始一个新的浪漫, |
| 46 | lust makes you blind. | 性欲让你失明。 |
| 47 | You're impressed by everything and anything | 你对一切都印象深刻 |
| 48 | your partner does or says, | 你的伴侣是或者说, |
| 49 | and in fact, it doesn't even matter | 事实上,这根本不重要 |
| 50 | that she has all of her stuffed animals on the bed, | 她所有的动物都在床上 |
| 51 | plus a few pillows, | 加上几个枕头, |
| 52 | or that he has absolutely no idea | 或者他绝对不知道 |
| 53 | what a hanger is used for. | 吊车是用来干嘛的 |
| 54 | You don't see it. | 汝不见. |
| 55 | It doesn't bother you, | 不烦你 |
| 56 | but as time goes on in the relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 57 | those same behaviors, | 同样的行为, |
| 58 | those exact same behaviors | 那些完全一样的行为 |
| 59 | become annoying and irritating to you, | 烦恼和烦恼, |
| 60 | and it's at that point in time | 此时此刻 |
| 61 | that you begin to see this other person | 你开始看到另一个人 |
| 62 | for who they really are. | 他们到底是谁 |
| 63 | Flaws, faults, and everything, | 断层 断层 和一切 |
| 64 | and by the way, yes, we all have flaws or faults. | 顺便说一句,是的,我们都有缺点或缺点。 |
| 65 | None of us is perfect, | 我们没有一个是完美的, |
| 66 | but at this point in time, | 但此时此刻, |
| 67 | lust declines, | 欲欲减少, |
| 68 | and I'm really sorry to disappoint you, | 我很抱歉让你失望, |
| 69 | but my research shows that lust declines | 但我的研究表明 欲望下降 |
| 70 | in all romantic relationships. | 在所有的浪漫关系。 |
| 71 | It's an inevitable part of all romantic relationships. | 这是所有浪漫关系不可避免的一部分. |
| 72 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 73 | Sorry about that. | 对不起 |
| 74 | Don't shoot the messenger, | 别开枪 |
| 75 | but can lust be reignited | 但性欲可以重新燃起 |
| 76 | in a long-term loving relationship? | 在一个长期的爱情关系中? |
| 77 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 78 | My work with couples confirms that, | 我对夫妻的工作证实了 |
| 79 | and we're gonna talk about how to do that | 我们来谈谈怎么做 |
| 80 | in a few minutes, | 几分钟后 |
| 81 | but for the moment, | 但暂时 |
| 82 | it's just important to understand | 理解这一点很重要 |
| 83 | that lust declines in all romantic relationships, | 性欲在所有的浪漫关系中下降, |
| 84 | and if you stay with that relationship, | 如果你保持这种关系, |
| 85 | lust can turn into love. | 性欲可以变成爱 |
| 86 | Now, love is also a profound emotion | 现在,爱也是一种深刻的情感 |
| 87 | and has a physiological foundation as well. | 也有生理基础 |
| 88 | When we're in love, | 当我们相爱时 |
| 89 | we produce the hormone oxytocin, | 我们生产激素催产素, |
| 90 | which triggers relaxation | 引发放松 |
| 91 | and promotes emotional bonding and closeness, | 并促进感情的交融和亲近, |
| 92 | but that's actually the opposite | 但其实恰恰相反 |
| 93 | to those wild sex hormones | 这些野生性激素 |
| 94 | that ignited all that lust in our body. | 点燃了我们体内所有的欲望 |
| 95 | Besides the hormonal differences between lust and love, | 除了性欲和爱之间的荷尔蒙差异 |
| 96 | there are also four cues that you can use | 还有四个提示可以使用 |
| 97 | to distinguish lust from love. | 区分欲望和爱 |
| 98 | The first sign is what I call connection. | 第一个标志就是我所说的连接。 |
| 99 | When you're in love, | 当你恋爱时 |
| 100 | you want your partner to connect | 你想要你的搭档连接 |
| 101 | with all the important people in your life. | 与所有重要的人 在你的生活中。 |
| 102 | You want them to spend time with, | 你想让他们花时间在一起 |
| 103 | like, hang out with your friends and family. | 像,挂出你的朋友和家人。 |
| 104 | You wanna show off them to your friends and family, | 你想把它们炫耀给你的朋友和家人 |
| 105 | and you want your friends and family | 你想要你的朋友和家人 |
| 106 | to be impressed by this other person. | 给另一个人留下深刻的印象 |
| 107 | Also, you don't keep them to yourself, | 而且,你没有保留他们自己, |
| 108 | but you bring them out | 但你带他们出来 |
| 109 | and introduce them to your interests again | 并再次向他们介绍你的兴趣 |
| 110 | and the people who are important to you. | 以及对你很重要的人 |
| 111 | The second sign is when you use we language | 第二个标志是当你使用我们的语言 |
| 112 | rather than I language. | 而不是我的语言。 |
| 113 | It turns out that when two people are in love, | 原来两个人相爱的时候 |
| 114 | their lives are intertwined, | 他们的生活是互相交织的, |
| 115 | and they begin to think of themselves | 他们开始思考自己 |
| 116 | not as separate individuals anymore, | 不再作为单独个体, |
| 117 | but instead as a couple, | 但作为一对夫妇, |
| 118 | and the more intertwined those two people's lives | 和越是交织 两个人的生活 |
| 119 | are, the more overlap in their lives, | 他们的生活越是重叠, |
| 120 | their friends, their interests, | 他们的朋友,他们的利益, |
| 121 | and in their circles in this diagram, | 在他们的圈子里, |
| 122 | and the more overlap between their lives, | 和他们生活中越多的重叠, |
| 123 | the more mutuality, | 越是互相爱慕, |
| 124 | and mutuality is when we refer to ourselves as a couple, | 而相互是当我们称自己为夫妇时, |
| 125 | as an us or we rather than as an I or this other person. | 作为我们或我们 而不是作为一个我或这个其他人。 |
| 126 | So for example, if I asked you | 举个例子,如果我问你 |
| 127 | what you were doing last weekend, | 你上个周末在做什么? |
| 128 | if you were in love, you would tell me | 如果你恋爱了 你会告诉我 |
| 129 | we went out to dinner, we went to the movies, | 我们出去吃饭, 我们去看电影, |
| 130 | or we went up north for the weekend | 或者我们北上周末 |
| 131 | rather than I took Sandy to the movies | 而不是我带桑迪去看电影 |
| 132 | and then I went out to dinner or I went up north. | 然后我出去吃晚饭 或者去北方 |
| 133 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust or love, | 所以,如果你想区分 欲望或爱, |
| 134 | look at your language | 看看你的语言 |
| 135 | and the degree to which you use we versus I statements. | 以及你用我们来对抗我的程度 |
| 136 | The third sign is self-disclosure. | 第三个标志是自我披露。 |
| 137 | What you tell this other person about you. | 你告诉其他人你的事 |
| 138 | Love motivates us to reveal extensive information | 爱情激励我们 揭露大量的信息 |
| 139 | about ourselves to this other person. | 关于我们自己 对于另一个人。 |
| 140 | When we're in love, | 当我们相爱时 |
| 141 | we wanna tell this person about our dreams, | 我们想告诉这个人我们的梦想, |
| 142 | our aspirations, our goals, the past, the future. | 我们的愿望,我们的目标,过去,未来。 |
| 143 | Sometimes we tell them confidential information | 有时我们告诉他们机密信息 |
| 144 | and sometimes we tell them all of our secrets | 有时我们告诉他们我们的秘密 |
| 145 | that we've never told anyone before. | 我们从来没有告诉过任何人。 |
| 146 | When we think about self-disclosure in a relationship, | 当我们考虑在一段关系中自我披露时, |
| 147 | you wanna think about an onion. | 你想想想洋葱 |
| 148 | The outer layers of an onion | 洋葱的外层 |
| 149 | represent the superficial aspects to us as an individual. | 代表着我们个人的表面面貌。 |
| 150 | And as you peel away the layers of the onion, | 当你剥掉洋葱层时 |
| 151 | you get at the core of who you are. | 你得到的核心 你是谁。 |
| 152 | You get deeper and there's more information | 你越深越会得到更多的信息 |
| 153 | about you as an individual, personal and intimate information. | 你是一个个人, 个人和亲密的信息。 |
| 154 | So when you're in lust, | 所以当你在欲望中, |
| 155 | you only peel away a few of those layers. | 你只会剥掉几层 |
| 156 | You tell this other person maybe about your interests, | 你告诉其他人 也许关于你的利益, |
| 157 | your hobbies, movie or music preferences, but that's it. | 你的爱好,电影或音乐喜好, 但就是这样。 |
| 158 | You don't go to the deep core of you. | 汝不入深心处. |
| 159 | But when you're in love, you go straight to the core. | 但爱时直入核心. |
| 160 | You share information that has more breadth, more topics, | 你分享的信息 更广,更多的话题, |
| 161 | but each topic also is deeper, more personal in nature. | 但每个话题都更深 更个人化 |
| 162 | You go straight to the core. | 你直接进入核心 |
| 163 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust and love, | 如果你想区分欲望和爱 |
| 164 | look at what you're talking about | 看看你在说什么 |
| 165 | and how many topics with this other person. | 和多少主题 与另一个人。 |
| 166 | Now the last and fourth sign is that you influence one another. | 现在,最后一个和第四个标志是,你们互相影响。 |
| 167 | When two people are in love, | 当两个人恋爱时 |
| 168 | what one person does or wants to do influences the other person | 一个人做什么或想做什么 影响另一个人 |
| 169 | in meaningful and strong ways. | 以有意义和强大的方式。 |
| 170 | For example, if you were thinking about moving to a different state | 比如说,如果你想搬到另一个州 |
| 171 | because of a new job, | 因为有份新工作 |
| 172 | or you were considering any big change in your life, | 或者你考虑过人生的任何改变 |
| 173 | you would want to go to your partner before you make a decision. | 在你做决定之前 你想去找你的搭档 |
| 174 | Likewise, if you had something happen to you, | 同样 如果你出了什么事 |
| 175 | medical scare, you actually lost your job, | 医疗恐惧,你实际上失去了你的工作, |
| 176 | or the death of a family member, | 或家庭成员死亡, |
| 177 | you would want to go to this person | 你想去找这个人 |
| 178 | to get social support, assistance. | 获得社会支持、援助。 |
| 179 | You would want help from this person. | 你想得到这个人的帮助 |
| 180 | Or if you had something good happen to you, | 或者如果你发生了好事 |
| 181 | you won the lottery, or you got an award at work, | 你赢得了彩票, 或者你在工作中得到了一个奖项, |
| 182 | you again would go to this person | 你还会去找这个人 |
| 183 | because you would want them to share the good news | 因为你希望他们分享好消息 |
| 184 | and they actually would celebrate with you. | 他们真的会和你一起庆祝 |
| 185 | So lust and love are completely different from one another. | 所以性欲和爱是完全不同的 |
| 186 | And couples have a very difficult time maintaining | 夫妻们很难维持 |
| 187 | that urgent longing we call lust over the long term. | 我们称之为长期欲望的迫切渴望 |
| 188 | Can you recreate that lust? | 你能重现那种欲望吗? |
| 189 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 190 | My research shows that if you add three behaviors | 我的研究表明,如果你加上三个行为 |
| 191 | to your loving long-term relationship, | 敬你的爱 长期关系, |
| 192 | you can reignite or rekindle that lustful desire. | 你可以重新点燃或重新点燃那贪欲 |
| 193 | And those three behaviors turn out to be the same behaviors | 这三种行为都一样 |
| 194 | that ignited the lust when you first met that person. | 那点燃了你第一次见到那个人时的欲望 |
| 195 | So if you mirror the beginnings of your relationship, | 所以,如果你反映 你关系开始, |
| 196 | you can add lust, rekindle that passion in your relationship. | 你可以增加性欲, 重新点燃激情 在你的关系中。 |
| 197 | The first strategy to rekindle or recreate the lust | 重燃或重现欲望的第一个策略 |
| 198 | is to do new and novel activities with your partner | 和你的搭档一起做新的和新的活动 |
| 199 | because newness creates excitement. | 因为新事物会产生兴奋 |
| 200 | Think about it. | 考虑一下 |
| 201 | At the beginning of your relationship, | 在你们开始交往时 |
| 202 | everything was a new experience for the two of you. | 一切都是你们的新经历 |
| 203 | Everything was new and novel. | 一切都是新颖的 |
| 204 | Every date you went on, every restaurant you ate at | 每一次约会,你吃的每家餐馆 |
| 205 | was a new experience for the two of you. | 对你们俩来说是个新体验 |
| 206 | And that created the excitement | 这创造了兴奋 |
| 207 | and created all of that arousal. | 他创造了一切。 |
| 208 | But then as time went on, the newness wears off. | 但随着时间的流逝,新事物逐渐消退. |
| 209 | So if you wanna recreate that lust, | 所以,如果你想重现 欲望, |
| 210 | you need to find new and exciting things to do | 你需要找到新的 令人兴奋的事情去做 |
| 211 | with your partner. | 与你的搭档。 |
| 212 | Now that can be as simple as going to a new restaurant | 现在这可以像去新餐厅一样简单 |
| 213 | in a different part of the city that you've never been to. | 在另一个地方 你从来没有去过的城市。 |
| 214 | You can try skating, skiing, or snowboarding | 你可以尝试滑冰、滑雪或滑雪 |
| 215 | for the first time with your partner. | 第一次与你的搭档。 |
| 216 | Boy, I have winter on the brain, don't I? | 孩子,我脑子里有冬天,不是吗? |
| 217 | Or you can, like my husband and I did, | 或者你可以,像我丈夫和我一样, |
| 218 | sign up for a cooking class. | 报名参加烹饪课. |
| 219 | Neither of us had done it separately, | 我们两个都没分开做 |
| 220 | and we did it together, which fueled the lust. | 我们一起做了,这助长了欲望。 |
| 221 | Anything new will recreate that beginning feeling. | 任何新的东西都会重现这种开始的感觉。 |
| 222 | The second strategy that you wanna do | 你想做的第二个策略 |
| 223 | is to use the element of surprise | 使用惊喜元素 |
| 224 | and add a little bit of mystery to your relationship. | 给你们的关系增添点神秘感 |
| 225 | Because mystery and surprise enhances lust. | 因为神秘和惊喜会增加欲望 |
| 226 | The idea is you want that oh wow factor, right? | 想法是,你想要 哦哇的因素,对不对? |
| 227 | You want that to be recreated | 你想重现它 |
| 228 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 229 | Again, think back. | 再说一遍 回想一下 |
| 230 | At the beginning, everything was different and interesting | 一开始,一切都不同,很有趣 |
| 231 | that you were learning about your partner. | 你正在学习你的伴侣。 |
| 232 | Yes, she told you that she had a pet snake | 是的,她告诉你 她有一个宠物蛇 |
| 233 | when she was growing up, and you went, what? | 当她长大了,你去了,什么? |
| 234 | Wow, now that's interesting. | 哇,现在有趣了。 |
| 235 | Or that he was closest to his grandmother growing up, | 或者说,他和他祖母长大后关系很亲近, |
| 236 | and you asked a lot of questions | 你问了很多问题 |
| 237 | because that was fascinating to you. | 因为那对你很有吸引力 |
| 238 | Any new or different, interesting, mysterious, | 任何新的或不同的,有趣的,神秘的, |
| 239 | surprising information refuels that passion and lust. | 令人惊讶的信息 激起这种激情和欲望。 |
| 240 | But then as time goes on in a relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 241 | you begin to really know your partner almost too well. | 你开始很了解你的搭档了 |
| 242 | You know what they like to do on Sundays. | 你知道他们喜欢星期天做什么 |
| 243 | You know that she snores when she sleeps, | 你知道她睡觉时会打呼噜 |
| 244 | and he chews with his mouth open, | 他用口吃, |
| 245 | and he doesn't like the color pink. | 他不喜欢粉红色 |
| 246 | You really get to know your partner. | 你真的会了解你的搭档 |
| 247 | And while that's wonderful, | 虽然这很好 |
| 248 | because that intimate knowledge builds love, | 因为亲密的知识造就了爱 |
| 249 | it extinguishes lust. | 它消除了欲望。 |
| 250 | So you again need to add the element of surprise and mystery. | 所以,你需要再次添加 惊喜和神秘的元素。 |
| 251 | And yes, all of what you're thinking about there | 没错,你心里想的一切 |
| 252 | regarding lingerie and role playing | 关于内衣和角色扮演 |
| 253 | is adding mystery to your relationship. | 让你的关系更加神秘 |
| 254 | But you can also do other things. | 但你也可以做别的事 |
| 255 | You can go to your partner's place of work | 你可以去你的伴侣的工作场所 |
| 256 | and whisk them away for lunch or after work for dinner, | 和刮他们出去吃午饭 或下班后吃饭, |
| 257 | or you can send them a flirty text message | 或者你可以给他们发个调情的短信 |
| 258 | in the middle of the afternoon. | 午后时. |
| 259 | One of the wives in my long-term study | 我长期学习的一个妻子 |
| 260 | on marriage and divorce | 结婚和离婚 |
| 261 | said that she took her husband on a treasure hunt, | 说她带丈夫去寻宝 |
| 262 | and he went all around the city without her, | 他走遍了整个城市 没有她, |
| 263 | but she left these little notes in each spot, | 但是她把这些小笔记留在每个地方 |
| 264 | and he found the experience surprising | 他发现这段经历令人惊讶 |
| 265 | and full of adventure, | 充满冒险 |
| 266 | and she said it added a little spice | 她说它增加了一点香料 |
| 267 | to their relationship afterwards. | 之后他们的关系。 |
| 268 | The third and final way to rekindle that lust | 重新燃起欲望的第三个也是最后一个方法 |
| 269 | is to do what I call arousal-producing activities. | 是做我所说的催生活动。 |
| 270 | Now, this is my favorite suggestion, | 这是我最喜欢的建议 |
| 271 | but it's not what you think. | 但不是你想的那样 |
| 272 | I see you all smiling and smirking out there. | 我看到你们都笑着笑着 |
| 273 | It's actually clean. | 实际清净. |
| 274 | What relationship scientists have learned | 科学家们学到了什么关系 |
| 275 | is that if you do an arousal-producing activity | 如果你做了一个催生活动 |
| 276 | with your partner, | 和你搭档 |
| 277 | that bad arousal or that adrenaline rush | 严重兴奋或肾上腺素急促 |
| 278 | that's produced through this other activity, | 这是通过其他活动产生的, |
| 279 | the arousal can actually get transferred | 催泪瓦斯可以被转移 |
| 280 | to your partner and your relationship. | 你的伴侣和你的关系。 |
| 281 | It's almost like you're tricking your brain | 简直就像在骗你的大脑 |
| 282 | to attributing or associating that arousal | * 将煽动行为归咎于或关联 |
| 283 | due to another activity to your partner | 给合伙人的另一项活动 |
| 284 | or to your relationship. | 或者为了你们的关系 |
| 285 | So what am I really talking about then | 我到底在说什么呢? |
| 286 | when I say arousal-producing activities? | 当我说催生活动时? |
| 287 | There are lots of things you can do. | 有很多事情你可以做。 |
| 288 | You can exercise with one another side by side. | 你们可以一起锻炼 |
| 289 | You can watch a comedy show, a scary movie. | 你可以看喜剧表演,恐怖电影. |
| 290 | You can even ride a roller coaster ride | 你甚至可以骑过山车 |
| 291 | at an amusement park. | 在游乐园 |
| 292 | And in fact, if you go on any scary ride | 实际上,如果你去 任何可怕的旅程 |
| 293 | at an amusement park, | 在游乐场, |
| 294 | you can rekindle that passion | 你可以重新唤起激情 |
| 295 | by having the arousal due to the ride | 以因乘车而兴起 |
| 296 | transferred to your partner or your relationship. | 转到你的伴侣或你的关系。 |
| 297 | Now, just make sure, though, | 现在,只是确保,虽然, |
| 298 | that you go with your partner, | 你和你的搭档去, |
| 299 | because if you do it with someone else, | 因为如果你和别人做, |
| 300 | the arousal might get transferred to that other person | 欢呼声可能会被转移到另一个人身上 |
| 301 | and not your relationship. | 而不是你的关系。 |
| 302 | So in the end, lust and love are very different, | 所以最终, 欲望和爱是完全不同的, |
| 303 | but moments of passion are the highlights | 但激情的瞬间是亮点 |
| 304 | of our lives and of our relationships. | 我们的生活和我们的关系。 |
| 305 | And in fact, ask anyone about the experience, | 事实上,问任何人关于经历, |
| 306 | and they definitely remember, | 他们的确记得, |
| 307 | and they have a little smile on their face. | 他们脸上有笑容 |
| 308 | And don't get me wrong, | 别误会 |
| 309 | I think lust is fun and wonderful, | 我认为性欲是乐趣和美妙的, |
| 310 | but lust is not the glue | 但欲望不是胶水 |
| 311 | that keeps long-term relationships together and happy. | 保持长期的关系 并快乐。 |
| 312 | The glue that keeps people bonded over time | 胶水会让人们在一段时间内结交 |
| 313 | is actually love. | 其实是爱。 |
| 314 | And love is also a profound experience, | 爱也是一种深刻的经验, |
| 315 | but it is characterized by interconnectedness, | 但它的特点是相互联系, |
| 316 | by mutuality, by interdependence, | 相互依存, |
| 317 | and lots of self-disclosure. | 和许多自我披露。 |
| 318 | You do not have to have lust without love, | 你不必有欲望 没有爱, |
| 319 | and you don't have to have love without lust. | 你不需要有爱 没有欲望。 |
| 320 | They don't have to be mutually exclusive | 他们不必互相排斥 |
| 321 | in your relationship. | 在你的关系中。 |
| 322 | You can recreate that lustful desire, | 你可以重现那种欲望 |
| 323 | and I love saying that word, lustful desire, | 我爱说这个词, 欲望, |
| 324 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 325 | It's simple, it's easy, it's amazing. | 简单易行,令人惊叹. |
| 326 | Now, what are you waiting for? | 你还在等什么? |
| 327 | Go do it. | 来吧。 |
| 328 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 329 | Thank you all. | 谢谢大家 |
| 330 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 331 | Thank you all. | 谢谢大家 |
| 332 | Thanks a lot. | 非常感谢 |
该视频共有字幕 332 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P2 · 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 p02 英文字幕(中文外挂) (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:02 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 0:06 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 0:11 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 0:14 | is that most of us have experienced that wild | 是我们大多数人都经历过那种疯狂的 |
| 0:18 | and out-of-control feeling | 和失控的感觉 |
| 0:20 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 0:23 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃, |
| 0:25 | you can't sleep, you can't get anything done | 你睡不着 什么都做不了 |
| 0:29 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 0:33 | your heart's racing, you feel that adrenaline rush | 你的心在竞速,你感觉到肾上腺素的冲动 |
展开字幕全文（329 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 2 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 3 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 4 | is that most of us have experienced that wild | 是我们大多数人都经历过那种疯狂的 |
| 5 | and out-of-control feeling | 和失控的感觉 |
| 6 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 7 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃, |
| 8 | you can't sleep, you can't get anything done | 你睡不着 什么都做不了 |
| 9 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 10 | your heart's racing, you feel that adrenaline rush | 你的心在竞速,你感觉到肾上腺素的冲动 |
| 11 | when you see the other person, | 当你看到另一个人时, |
| 12 | and basically, you just want to be with that person. | 基本上,你只想和那个人在一起 |
| 13 | It's almost like an obsession. | 这几乎就像一个痴迷。 |
| 14 | I bet if I asked you to close your eyes, | 我敢打赌,如果我让你闭上眼睛, |
| 15 | you could definitely think back and remember | 你当然可以回想起来,记住 |
| 16 | that powerful and amazing feeling | 强烈而惊人的感觉 |
| 17 | that affects us physiologically. | 这对我们生理有影响 |
| 18 | I know I can, and I've been married for 22 years. | 我知道我可以, 我已经结婚了22年。 |
| 19 | But when we're in that heightened arousal state | 但是,当我们处于高度激动的状态 |
| 20 | at the beginning of a new romance, | 在新浪漫的开始, |
| 21 | many of us step back and ask the question, | 我们许多人退后,问问题, |
| 22 | what am I feeling? | 我是什么感觉? |
| 23 | Am I in lust or am I in love? | 我是在欲望 还是在恋爱? |
| 24 | Is it lust or is it love? | 是性欲还是爱? |
| 25 | What if I told you that you'll never have to wonder again? | 如果我告诉你 你再也不会怀疑了呢? |
| 26 | Because there are four specific signs | 因为有四个具体的迹象 |
| 27 | that differentiate lust from love, | 使欲欲与爱相区别, |
| 28 | and the two states, lust and love, | 两州之间,有情有情, |
| 29 | are completely different from one another. | 两者完全不同 |
| 30 | Be wonderful, right? | 棒极了 对吧? |
| 31 | So let's start with lust. | 故从性欲起. |
| 32 | When you're drawn to someone based solely on physical | 当你被吸引到某个人身上 完全基于身体上 |
| 33 | and sexual arousal or attraction, that's lust. | 和性刺激或吸引力, 这就是欲望。 |
| 34 | You're filled with sexual desire that doesn't stop, | 你充满了性欲,没有停止, |
| 35 | and all of those sex hormones are being produced | 所有这些性激素都在产生 |
| 36 | in your body at an alarming rate. | 在你体内以惊人的速度。 |
| 37 | You have sex on the brain. | 你脑子里有性 |
| 38 | Also, when we're in that heightened state of arousal | 而且,当我们处于高度的兴奋状态 |
| 39 | at a new relationship or in a new relationship, | 在新的关系中或在新的关系中, |
| 40 | we glorify or idealize our partner. | 我们赞美或理想化我们的伙伴。 |
| 41 | We don't see them for who they really are, | 我们没有看到他们的真实身份, |
| 42 | and in fact, we see them for who we want them to be | 事实上,我们看到他们 想要成为谁 |
| 43 | or need them to be. | 或需要他们。 |
| 44 | You've heard the phrase love is blind? | 你听说过爱情是盲目的吗? |
| 45 | Well, at the beginning of a new romance, | 嗯,在开始一个新的浪漫, |
| 46 | lust makes you blind. | 性欲让你失明。 |
| 47 | You're impressed by everything and anything | 你对一切都印象深刻 |
| 48 | your partner does or says, | 你的伴侣是或者说, |
| 49 | and in fact, it doesn't even matter | 事实上,这根本不重要 |
| 50 | that she has all of her stuffed animals on the bed, | 她所有的动物都在床上 |
| 51 | plus a few pillows, | 加上几个枕头, |
| 52 | or that he has absolutely no idea | 或者他绝对不知道 |
| 53 | what a hanger is used for. | 吊车是用来干嘛的 |
| 54 | You don't see it. | 汝不见. |
| 55 | It doesn't bother you, | 不烦你 |
| 56 | but as time goes on in the relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 57 | those same behaviors, | 同样的行为, |
| 58 | those exact same behaviors | 那些完全一样的行为 |
| 59 | become annoying and irritating to you, | 烦恼和烦恼, |
| 60 | and it's at that point in time | 此时此刻 |
| 61 | that you begin to see this other person | 你开始看到另一个人 |
| 62 | for who they really are. | 他们到底是谁 |
| 63 | Flaws, faults, and everything, | 断层 断层 和一切 |
| 64 | and by the way, yes, we all have flaws or faults. | 顺便说一句,是的,我们都有缺点或缺点。 |
| 65 | None of us is perfect, | 我们没有一个是完美的, |
| 66 | but at this point in time, | 但此时此刻, |
| 67 | lust declines, | 欲欲减少, |
| 68 | and I'm really sorry to disappoint you, | 我很抱歉让你失望, |
| 69 | but my research shows that lust declines | 但我的研究表明 欲望下降 |
| 70 | in all romantic relationships. | 在所有的浪漫关系。 |
| 71 | It's an inevitable part of all romantic relationships. | 这是所有浪漫关系不可避免的一部分. |
| 72 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 73 | Sorry about that. | 对不起 |
| 74 | Don't shoot the messenger, | 别开枪 |
| 75 | but can lust be reignited | 但性欲可以重新燃起 |
| 76 | in a long-term loving relationship? | 在一个长期的爱情关系中? |
| 77 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 78 | My work with couples confirms that, | 我对夫妻的工作证实了 |
| 79 | and we're gonna talk about how to do that | 我们来谈谈怎么做 |
| 80 | in a few minutes, | 几分钟后 |
| 81 | but for the moment, | 但暂时 |
| 82 | it's just important to understand | 理解这一点很重要 |
| 83 | that lust declines in all romantic relationships, | 性欲在所有的浪漫关系中下降, |
| 84 | and if you stay with that relationship, | 如果你保持这种关系, |
| 85 | lust can turn into love. | 性欲可以变成爱 |
| 86 | Now, love is also a profound emotion | 现在,爱也是一种深刻的情感 |
| 87 | and has a physiological foundation as well. | 也有生理基础 |
| 88 | When we're in love, | 当我们相爱时 |
| 89 | we produce the hormone oxytocin, | 我们生产激素催产素, |
| 90 | which triggers relaxation | 引发放松 |
| 91 | and promotes emotional bonding and closeness, | 并促进感情的交融和亲近, |
| 92 | but that's actually the opposite | 但其实恰恰相反 |
| 93 | to those wild sex hormones | 这些野生性激素 |
| 94 | that ignited all that lust in our body. | 点燃了我们体内所有的欲望 |
| 95 | Besides the hormonal differences between lust and love, | 除了性欲和爱之间的荷尔蒙差异 |
| 96 | there are also four cues that you can use | 还有四个提示可以使用 |
| 97 | to distinguish lust from love. | 区分欲望和爱 |
| 98 | The first sign is what I call connection. | 第一个标志就是我所说的连接。 |
| 99 | When you're in love, | 当你恋爱时 |
| 100 | you want your partner to connect | 你想要你的搭档连接 |
| 101 | with all the important people in your life. | 与所有重要的人 在你的生活中。 |
| 102 | You want them to spend time with, | 你想让他们花时间在一起 |
| 103 | like, hang out with your friends and family. | 像,挂出你的朋友和家人。 |
| 104 | You wanna show off them to your friends and family, | 你想把它们炫耀给你的朋友和家人 |
| 105 | and you want your friends and family | 你想要你的朋友和家人 |
| 106 | to be impressed by this other person. | 给另一个人留下深刻的印象 |
| 107 | Also, you don't keep them to yourself, | 而且,你没有保留他们自己, |
| 108 | but you bring them out | 但你带他们出来 |
| 109 | and introduce them to your interests again | 并再次向他们介绍你的兴趣 |
| 110 | and the people who are important to you. | 以及对你很重要的人 |
| 111 | The second sign is when you use we language | 第二个标志是当你使用我们的语言 |
| 112 | rather than I language. | 而不是我的语言。 |
| 113 | It turns out that when two people are in love, | 原来两个人相爱的时候 |
| 114 | their lives are intertwined, | 他们的生活是互相交织的, |
| 115 | and they begin to think of themselves | 他们开始思考自己 |
| 116 | not as separate individuals anymore, | 不再作为单独个体, |
| 117 | but instead as a couple, | 但作为一对夫妇, |
| 118 | and the more intertwined those two people's lives | 和越是交织 两个人的生活 |
| 119 | are, the more overlap in their lives, | 他们的生活越是重叠, |
| 120 | their friends, their interests, | 他们的朋友,他们的利益, |
| 121 | and in their circles in this diagram, | 在他们的圈子里, |
| 122 | and the more overlap between their lives, | 和他们生活中越多的重叠, |
| 123 | the more mutuality, | 越是互相爱慕, |
| 124 | and mutuality is when we refer to ourselves as a couple, | 而相互是当我们称自己为夫妇时, |
| 125 | as an us or we rather than as an I or this other person. | 作为我们或我们 而不是作为一个我或这个其他人。 |
| 126 | So for example, if I asked you | 举个例子,如果我问你 |
| 127 | what you were doing last weekend, | 你上个周末在做什么? |
| 128 | if you were in love, you would tell me | 如果你恋爱了 你会告诉我 |
| 129 | we went out to dinner, we went to the movies, | 我们出去吃饭, 我们去看电影, |
| 130 | or we went up north for the weekend | 或者我们北上周末 |
| 131 | rather than I took Sandy to the movies | 而不是我带桑迪去看电影 |
| 132 | and then I went out to dinner or I went up north. | 然后我出去吃晚饭 或者去北方 |
| 133 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust or love, | 所以,如果你想区分 欲望或爱, |
| 134 | look at your language | 看看你的语言 |
| 135 | and the degree to which you use we versus I statements. | 以及你用我们来对抗我的程度 |
| 136 | The third sign is self-disclosure. | 第三个标志是自我披露。 |
| 137 | What you tell this other person about you. | 你告诉其他人你的事 |
| 138 | Love motivates us to reveal extensive information | 爱情激励我们 揭露大量的信息 |
| 139 | about ourselves to this other person. | 关于我们自己 对于另一个人。 |
| 140 | When we're in love, | 当我们相爱时 |
| 141 | we wanna tell this person about our dreams, | 我们想告诉这个人我们的梦想, |
| 142 | our aspirations, our goals, the past, the future. | 我们的愿望,我们的目标,过去,未来。 |
| 143 | Sometimes we tell them confidential information | 有时我们告诉他们机密信息 |
| 144 | and sometimes we tell them all of our secrets | 有时我们告诉他们我们的秘密 |
| 145 | that we've never told anyone before. | 我们从来没有告诉过任何人。 |
| 146 | When we think about self-disclosure in a relationship, | 当我们考虑在一段关系中自我披露时, |
| 147 | you wanna think about an onion. | 你想想想洋葱 |
| 148 | The outer layers of an onion | 洋葱的外层 |
| 149 | represent the superficial aspects to us as an individual. | 代表着我们个人的表面面貌。 |
| 150 | And as you peel away the layers of the onion, | 当你剥掉洋葱层时 |
| 151 | you get at the core of who you are. | 你得到的核心 你是谁。 |
| 152 | You get deeper and there's more information | 你越深越会得到更多的信息 |
| 153 | about you as an individual, personal and intimate information. | 你是一个个人, 个人和亲密的信息。 |
| 154 | So when you're in lust, | 所以当你在欲望中, |
| 155 | you only peel away a few of those layers. | 你只会剥掉几层 |
| 156 | You tell this other person maybe about your interests, | 你告诉其他人 也许关于你的利益, |
| 157 | your hobbies, movie or music preferences, but that's it. | 你的爱好,电影或音乐喜好, 但就是这样。 |
| 158 | You don't go to the deep core of you. | 汝不入深心处. |
| 159 | But when you're in love, you go straight to the core. | 但爱时直入核心. |
| 160 | You share information that has more breadth, more topics, | 你分享的信息 更广,更多的话题, |
| 161 | but each topic also is deeper, more personal in nature. | 但每个话题都更深 更个人化 |
| 162 | You go straight to the core. | 你直接进入核心 |
| 163 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust and love, | 如果你想区分欲望和爱 |
| 164 | look at what you're talking about | 看看你在说什么 |
| 165 | and how many topics with this other person. | 和多少主题 与另一个人。 |
| 166 | Now the last and fourth sign is that you influence one another. | 现在,最后一个和第四个标志是,你们互相影响。 |
| 167 | When two people are in love, | 当两个人恋爱时 |
| 168 | what one person does or wants to do influences the other person | 一个人做什么或想做什么 影响另一个人 |
| 169 | in meaningful and strong ways. | 以有意义和强大的方式。 |
| 170 | For example, if you were thinking about moving to a different state | 比如说,如果你想搬到另一个州 |
| 171 | because of a new job, | 因为有份新工作 |
| 172 | or you were considering any big change in your life, | 或者你考虑过人生的任何改变 |
| 173 | you would want to go to your partner before you make a decision. | 在你做决定之前 你想去找你的搭档 |
| 174 | Likewise, if you had something happen to you, | 同样 如果你出了什么事 |
| 175 | medical scare, you actually lost your job, | 医疗恐惧,你实际上失去了你的工作, |
| 176 | or the death of a family member, | 或家庭成员死亡, |
| 177 | you would want to go to this person | 你想去找这个人 |
| 178 | to get social support, assistance. | 获得社会支持、援助。 |
| 179 | You would want help from this person. | 你想得到这个人的帮助 |
| 180 | Or if you had something good happen to you, | 或者如果你发生了好事 |
| 181 | you won the lottery, or you got an award at work, | 你赢得了彩票, 或者你在工作中得到了一个奖项, |
| 182 | you again would go to this person | 你还会去找这个人 |
| 183 | because you would want them to share the good news | 因为你希望他们分享好消息 |
| 184 | and they actually would celebrate with you. | 他们真的会和你一起庆祝 |
| 185 | So lust and love are completely different from one another. | 所以性欲和爱是完全不同的 |
| 186 | And couples have a very difficult time maintaining | 夫妻们很难维持 |
| 187 | that urgent longing we call lust over the long term. | 我们称之为长期欲望的迫切渴望 |
| 188 | Can you recreate that lust? | 你能重现那种欲望吗? |
| 189 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 190 | My research shows that if you add three behaviors | 我的研究表明,如果你加上三个行为 |
| 191 | to your loving long-term relationship, | 敬你的爱 长期关系, |
| 192 | you can reignite or rekindle that lustful desire. | 你可以重新点燃或重新点燃那贪欲 |
| 193 | And those three behaviors turn out to be the same behaviors | 这三种行为都一样 |
| 194 | that ignited the lust when you first met that person. | 那点燃了你第一次见到那个人时的欲望 |
| 195 | So if you mirror the beginnings of your relationship, | 所以,如果你反映 你关系开始, |
| 196 | you can add lust, rekindle that passion in your relationship. | 你可以增加性欲, 重新点燃激情 在你的关系中。 |
| 197 | The first strategy to rekindle or recreate the lust | 重燃或重现欲望的第一个策略 |
| 198 | is to do new and novel activities with your partner | 和你的搭档一起做新的和新的活动 |
| 199 | because newness creates excitement. | 因为新事物会产生兴奋 |
| 200 | Think about it. | 考虑一下 |
| 201 | At the beginning of your relationship, | 在你们开始交往时 |
| 202 | everything was a new experience for the two of you. | 一切都是你们的新经历 |
| 203 | Everything was new and novel. | 一切都是新颖的 |
| 204 | Every date you went on, every restaurant you ate at | 每一次约会,你吃的每家餐馆 |
| 205 | was a new experience for the two of you. | 对你们俩来说是个新体验 |
| 206 | And that created the excitement | 这创造了兴奋 |
| 207 | and created all of that arousal. | 他创造了一切。 |
| 208 | But then as time went on, the newness wears off. | 但随着时间的流逝,新事物逐渐消退. |
| 209 | So if you wanna recreate that lust, | 所以,如果你想重现 欲望, |
| 210 | you need to find new and exciting things to do | 你需要找到新的 令人兴奋的事情去做 |
| 211 | with your partner. | 与你的搭档。 |
| 212 | Now that can be as simple as going to a new restaurant | 现在这可以像去新餐厅一样简单 |
| 213 | in a different part of the city that you've never been to. | 在另一个地方 你从来没有去过的城市。 |
| 214 | You can try skating, skiing, or snowboarding | 你可以尝试滑冰、滑雪或滑雪 |
| 215 | for the first time with your partner. | 第一次与你的搭档。 |
| 216 | Boy, I have winter on the brain, don't I? | 孩子,我脑子里有冬天,不是吗? |
| 217 | Or you can, like my husband and I did, | 或者你可以,像我丈夫和我一样, |
| 218 | sign up for a cooking class. | 报名参加烹饪课. |
| 219 | Neither of us had done it separately, | 我们两个都没分开做 |
| 220 | and we did it together, which fueled the lust. | 我们一起做了,这助长了欲望。 |
| 221 | Anything new will recreate that beginning feeling. | 任何新的东西都会重现这种开始的感觉。 |
| 222 | The second strategy that you wanna do | 你想做的第二个策略 |
| 223 | is to use the element of surprise | 使用惊喜元素 |
| 224 | and add a little bit of mystery to your relationship. | 给你们的关系增添点神秘感 |
| 225 | Because mystery and surprise enhances lust. | 因为神秘和惊喜会增加欲望 |
| 226 | The idea is you want that oh wow factor, right? | 想法是,你想要 哦哇的因素,对不对? |
| 227 | You want that to be recreated | 你想重现它 |
| 228 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 229 | Again, think back. | 再说一遍 回想一下 |
| 230 | At the beginning, everything was different and interesting | 一开始,一切都不同,很有趣 |
| 231 | that you were learning about your partner. | 你正在学习你的伴侣。 |
| 232 | Yes, she told you that she had a pet snake | 是的,她告诉你 她有一个宠物蛇 |
| 233 | when she was growing up, and you went, what? | 当她长大了,你去了,什么? |
| 234 | Wow, now that's interesting. | 哇,现在有趣了。 |
| 235 | Or that he was closest to his grandmother growing up, | 或者说,他和他祖母长大后关系很亲近, |
| 236 | and you asked a lot of questions | 你问了很多问题 |
| 237 | because that was fascinating to you. | 因为那对你很有吸引力 |
| 238 | Any new or different, interesting, mysterious, | 任何新的或不同的,有趣的,神秘的, |
| 239 | surprising information refuels that passion and lust. | 令人惊讶的信息 激起这种激情和欲望。 |
| 240 | But then as time goes on in a relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 241 | you begin to really know your partner almost too well. | 你开始很了解你的搭档了 |
| 242 | You know what they like to do on Sundays. | 你知道他们喜欢星期天做什么 |
| 243 | You know that she snores when she sleeps, | 你知道她睡觉时会打呼噜 |
| 244 | and he chews with his mouth open, | 他用口吃, |
| 245 | and he doesn't like the color pink. | 他不喜欢粉红色 |
| 246 | You really get to know your partner. | 你真的会了解你的搭档 |
| 247 | And while that's wonderful, | 虽然这很好 |
| 248 | because that intimate knowledge builds love, | 因为亲密的知识造就了爱 |
| 249 | it extinguishes lust. | 它消除了欲望。 |
| 250 | So you again need to add the element of surprise and mystery. | 所以,你需要再次添加 惊喜和神秘的元素。 |
| 251 | And yes, all of what you're thinking about there | 没错,你心里想的一切 |
| 252 | regarding lingerie and role playing | 关于内衣和角色扮演 |
| 253 | is adding mystery to your relationship. | 让你的关系更加神秘 |
| 254 | But you can also do other things. | 但你也可以做别的事 |
| 255 | You can go to your partner's place of work | 你可以去你的伴侣的工作场所 |
| 256 | and whisk them away for lunch or after work for dinner, | 和刮他们出去吃午饭 或下班后吃饭, |
| 257 | or you can send them a flirty text message | 或者你可以给他们发个调情的短信 |
| 258 | in the middle of the afternoon. | 午后时. |
| 259 | One of the wives in my long-term study | 我长期学习的一个妻子 |
| 260 | on marriage and divorce | 结婚和离婚 |
| 261 | said that she took her husband on a treasure hunt, | 说她带丈夫去寻宝 |
| 262 | and he went all around the city without her, | 他走遍了整个城市 没有她, |
| 263 | but she left these little notes in each spot, | 但是她把这些小笔记留在每个地方 |
| 264 | and he found the experience surprising | 他发现这段经历令人惊讶 |
| 265 | and full of adventure, | 充满冒险 |
| 266 | and she said it added a little spice | 她说它增加了一点香料 |
| 267 | to their relationship afterwards. | 之后他们的关系。 |
| 268 | The third and final way to rekindle that lust | 重新燃起欲望的第三个也是最后一个方法 |
| 269 | is to do what I call arousal-producing activities. | 是做我所说的催生活动。 |
| 270 | Now, this is my favorite suggestion, | 这是我最喜欢的建议 |
| 271 | but it's not what you think. | 但不是你想的那样 |
| 272 | I see you all smiling and smirking out there. | 我看到你们都笑着笑着 |
| 273 | It's actually clean. | 实际清净. |
| 274 | What relationship scientists have learned | 科学家们学到了什么关系 |
| 275 | is that if you do an arousal-producing activity | 如果你做了一个催生活动 |
| 276 | with your partner, | 和你搭档 |
| 277 | that bad arousal or that adrenaline rush | 严重兴奋或肾上腺素急促 |
| 278 | that's produced through this other activity, | 这是通过其他活动产生的, |
| 279 | the arousal can actually get transferred | 催泪瓦斯可以被转移 |
| 280 | to your partner and your relationship. | 你的伴侣和你的关系。 |
| 281 | It's almost like you're tricking your brain | 简直就像在骗你的大脑 |
| 282 | to attributing or associating that arousal | * 将煽动行为归咎于或关联 |
| 283 | due to another activity to your partner | 给合伙人的另一项活动 |
| 284 | or to your relationship. | 或者为了你们的关系 |
| 285 | So what am I really talking about then | 我到底在说什么呢? |
| 286 | when I say arousal-producing activities? | 当我说催生活动时? |
| 287 | There are lots of things you can do. | 有很多事情你可以做。 |
| 288 | You can exercise with one another side by side. | 你们可以一起锻炼 |
| 289 | You can watch a comedy show, a scary movie. | 你可以看喜剧表演,恐怖电影. |
| 290 | You can even ride a roller coaster ride | 你甚至可以骑过山车 |
| 291 | at an amusement park. | 在游乐园 |
| 292 | And in fact, if you go on any scary ride | 实际上,如果你去 任何可怕的旅程 |
| 293 | at an amusement park, | 在游乐场, |
| 294 | you can rekindle that passion | 你可以重新唤起激情 |
| 295 | by having the arousal due to the ride | 以因乘车而兴起 |
| 296 | transferred to your partner or your relationship. | 转到你的伴侣或你的关系。 |
| 297 | Now, just make sure, though, | 现在,只是确保,虽然, |
| 298 | that you go with your partner, | 你和你的搭档去, |
| 299 | because if you do it with someone else, | 因为如果你和别人做, |
| 300 | the arousal might get transferred to that other person | 欢呼声可能会被转移到另一个人身上 |
| 301 | and not your relationship. | 而不是你的关系。 |
| 302 | So in the end, lust and love are very different, | 所以最终, 欲望和爱是完全不同的, |
| 303 | but moments of passion are the highlights | 但激情的瞬间是亮点 |
| 304 | of our lives and of our relationships. | 我们的生活和我们的关系。 |
| 305 | And in fact, ask anyone about the experience, | 事实上,问任何人关于经历, |
| 306 | and they definitely remember, | 他们的确记得, |
| 307 | and they have a little smile on their face. | 他们脸上有笑容 |
| 308 | And don't get me wrong, | 别误会 |
| 309 | I think lust is fun and wonderful, | 我认为性欲是乐趣和美妙的, |
| 310 | but lust is not the glue | 但欲望不是胶水 |
| 311 | that keeps long-term relationships together and happy. | 保持长期的关系 并快乐。 |
| 312 | The glue that keeps people bonded over time | 胶水会让人们在一段时间内结交 |
| 313 | is actually love. | 其实是爱。 |
| 314 | And love is also a profound experience, | 爱也是一种深刻的经验, |
| 315 | but it is characterized by interconnectedness, | 但它的特点是相互联系, |
| 316 | by mutuality, by interdependence, | 相互依存, |
| 317 | and lots of self-disclosure. | 和许多自我披露。 |
| 318 | You do not have to have lust without love, | 你不必有欲望 没有爱, |
| 319 | and you don't have to have love without lust. | 你不需要有爱 没有欲望。 |
| 320 | They don't have to be mutually exclusive | 他们不必互相排斥 |
| 321 | in your relationship. | 在你的关系中。 |
| 322 | You can recreate that lustful desire, | 你可以重现那种欲望 |
| 323 | and I love saying that word, lustful desire, | 我爱说这个词, 欲望, |
| 324 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 325 | It's simple, it's easy, it's amazing. | 简单易行,令人惊叹. |
| 326 | Now, what are you waiting for? | 你还在等什么? |
| 327 | Go do it. | 来吧。 |
| 328 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 329 | 。 。 。 |
该视频共有字幕 330 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P3 · 是情欲还是爱情？【TED演讲】 p03 无字幕(中英外挂) (P3)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:02 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 0:06 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 0:11 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 0:14 | is that most of us have experienced that wild and out-of-control feeling | 我们大部分人都经历过那种 狂野和失控的感觉 |
| 0:20 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 0:23 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, you can't sleep, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃,你不能睡觉, |
| 0:27 | you can't get anything done | 你什么都做不出来 |
| 0:29 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 0:33 | your heart's racing, | 你的心脏在竞速, |
| 0:34 | you feel that adrenaline rush when you see the other person, | 你感觉肾上腺素冲动 当你看到另一个人, |
展开字幕全文（322 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I've been studying the romance and relationship patterns | 我一直在研究爱情和感情模式 |
| 2 | of literally thousands of people for the past 28 years. | 过去28年里 成千上万的人 |
| 3 | And one thing I have found, or one thing I know, | 有件事我找到了 或者我知道一件事 |
| 4 | is that most of us have experienced that wild and out-of-control feeling | 我们大部分人都经历过那种 狂野和失控的感觉 |
| 5 | at the beginning of a new relationship. | 开始新的关系。 |
| 6 | You know what it's like, where you can't eat, you can't sleep, | 你知道它是什么滋味, 在那里你不能吃,你不能睡觉, |
| 7 | you can't get anything done | 你什么都做不出来 |
| 8 | because you're constantly thinking about this person, | 因为你一直在想这个人 |
| 9 | your heart's racing, | 你的心脏在竞速, |
| 10 | you feel that adrenaline rush when you see the other person, | 你感觉肾上腺素冲动 当你看到另一个人, |
| 11 | and basically, you just want to be with that person. | 基本上,你只想和那个人在一起 |
| 12 | It's almost like an obsession. | 这几乎就像一个痴迷。 |
| 13 | I bet if I asked you to close your eyes, | 我敢打赌,如果我让你闭上眼睛, |
| 14 | you could definitely think back and remember that powerful | 你当然可以回想起来 记住那强大的 |
| 15 | and amazing feeling that affects us physiologically. | 和惊人的感觉 影响我们的生理。 |
| 16 | I know I can, and I've been married for 22 years. | 我知道我可以, 我已经结婚了22年。 |
| 17 | But when we're in that heightened arousal state | 但是,当我们处于高度激动的状态 |
| 18 | at the beginning of a new romance, | 在新浪漫的开始, |
| 19 | many of us step back and ask the question, | 我们许多人退后,问问题, |
| 20 | what am I feeling? | 我是什么感觉? |
| 21 | Am I in lust or am I in love? | 我是在欲望 还是在恋爱? |
| 22 | Is it lust or is it love? | 是性欲还是爱? |
| 23 | What if I told you that you'll never have to wonder again? | 如果我告诉你 你再也不会怀疑了呢? |
| 24 | Because there are four specific signs | 因为有四个具体的迹象 |
| 25 | that differentiate lust from love, | 使欲欲与爱相区别, |
| 26 | and the two states, lust and love, | 两州之间,有情有情, |
| 27 | are completely different from one another. | 两者完全不同 |
| 28 | Be wonderful, right? | 棒极了 对吧? |
| 29 | So let's start with lust. | 故从性欲起. |
| 30 | When you're drawn to someone | 当你被别人吸引 |
| 31 | based solely on physical and sexual arousal or attraction, | 仅仅基于身体和性刺激或吸引力, |
| 32 | that's lust. | 这是欲望。 |
| 33 | You're filled with sexual desire that doesn't stop, | 你充满了性欲,没有停止, |
| 34 | and all of those sex hormones | 和所有这些性激素 |
| 35 | are being produced in your body at an alarming rate. | 正在以惊人的速度在你的体内生产 |
| 36 | You have sex on the brain. | 你脑子里有性 |
| 37 | Also, when we're in that heightened state of arousal | 而且,当我们处于高度的兴奋状态 |
| 38 | at a new relationship or in a new relationship, | 在新的关系中或在新的关系中, |
| 39 | we glorify or idealize our partner. | 我们赞美或理想化我们的伙伴。 |
| 40 | We don't see them for who they really are, | 我们没有看到他们的真实身份, |
| 41 | and in fact, we see them for who we want them to be | 事实上,我们看到他们 想要成为谁 |
| 42 | or need them to be. | 或需要他们。 |
| 43 | You've heard the phrase love is blind? | 你听说过爱情是盲目的吗? |
| 44 | Well, at the beginning of a new romance, | 嗯,在开始一个新的浪漫, |
| 45 | lust makes you blind. | 性欲让你失明。 |
| 46 | You're impressed by everything and anything | 你对一切都印象深刻 |
| 47 | your partner does or says. | 你的搭档是或者说。 |
| 48 | And in fact, it doesn't even matter | 事实上,这不重要 |
| 49 | that she has all of her stuffed animals on the bed, | 她所有的动物都在床上 |
| 50 | plus a few pillows, | 加上几个枕头, |
| 51 | or that he has absolutely no idea | 或者他绝对不知道 |
| 52 | what a hanger is used for. | 吊车是用来干嘛的 |
| 53 | You don't see it. | 汝不见. |
| 54 | It doesn't bother you. | 无烦恼故. |
| 55 | But as time goes on in the relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 56 | those same behaviors, those exact same behaviors | 那些同样的行为,那些完全一样的行为 |
| 57 | become annoying and irritating to you. | 让你烦恼和烦恼 |
| 58 | And it's at that point in time | 此时此刻 |
| 59 | that you begin to see this other person | 你开始看到另一个人 |
| 60 | for who they really are. | 他们到底是谁 |
| 61 | Flaws, faults, and everything. | 纤细的,错误的,和一切。 |
| 62 | And by the way, yes, we all have flaws or faults. | 顺便说一句,是的,我们都有缺点或缺点。 |
| 63 | None of us is perfect. | 我们没有一个是完美的。 |
| 64 | But at this point in time, lust declines. | 但此时的欲望逐渐衰落. |
| 65 | And I'm really sorry to disappoint you, | 我真的很抱歉让你失望了 |
| 66 | but my research shows that lust declines | 但我的研究表明 欲望下降 |
| 67 | in all romantic relationships. | 在所有的浪漫关系。 |
| 68 | It's an inevitable part of all romantic relationships. | 这是所有浪漫关系不可避免的一部分. |
| 69 | I know. | 我知道,我记得 |
| 70 | Sorry about that. | 对不起 |
| 71 | Don't shoot the messenger. | 别射使者. |
| 72 | But can lust be reignited | 但性欲可以重新燃起 |
| 73 | in a long-term loving relationship? | 在一个长期的爱情关系中? |
| 74 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 75 | My work with couples confirms that. | 我对夫妇的工作证实了这一点。 |
| 76 | And we're gonna talk about how to do that in a few minutes. | 几分钟后我们再谈这个 |
| 77 | But for the moment, it's just important to understand | 但目前,重要的是要明白 |
| 78 | that lust declines in all romantic relationships. | 在所有的浪漫关系中 性欲下降。 |
| 79 | And if you stay with that relationship, | 如果你和那段关系在一起 |
| 80 | lust can turn into love. | 性欲可以变成爱 |
| 81 | Now, love is also a profound emotion | 现在,爱也是一种深刻的情感 |
| 82 | and has a physiological foundation as well. | 也有生理基础 |
| 83 | When we're in love, we produce the hormone oxytocin, | 当我们相爱时, 我们产生激素催产素, |
| 84 | which triggers relaxation | 引发放松 |
| 85 | and promotes emotional bonding and closeness. | 并促进感情的亲近 |
| 86 | But that's actually the opposite to those wild sex hormones | 但其实和那些疯狂的性激素相反 |
| 87 | that ignited all that lust in our body. | 点燃了我们体内所有的欲望 |
| 88 | Besides the hormonal differences between lust and love, | 除了性欲和爱之间的荷尔蒙差异 |
| 89 | there are also four cues that you can use | 还有四个提示可以使用 |
| 90 | to distinguish lust from love. | 区分欲望和爱 |
| 91 | The first sign is what I call connection. | 第一个标志就是我所说的连接。 |
| 92 | When you're in love, you want your partner | 当你恋爱时,你想要你的伴侣 |
| 93 | to connect with all the important people in your life. | 和你生命中所有重要人物保持联系 |
| 94 | You want them to spend time with, | 你想让他们花时间在一起 |
| 95 | like, hang out with your friends and family. | 像,挂出你的朋友和家人。 |
| 96 | You wanna show off them to your friends and family, | 你想把它们炫耀给你的朋友和家人 |
| 97 | and you want your friends and family | 你想要你的朋友和家人 |
| 98 | to be impressed by this other person. | 给另一个人留下深刻的印象 |
| 99 | Also, you don't keep them to yourself, | 而且,你没有保留他们自己, |
| 100 | but you bring them out | 但你带他们出来 |
| 101 | and introduce them to your interests again | 并再次向他们介绍你的兴趣 |
| 102 | and the people who are important to you. | 以及对你很重要的人 |
| 103 | The second sign is when you use we language | 第二个标志是当你使用我们的语言 |
| 104 | rather than I language. | 而不是我的语言。 |
| 105 | It turns out that when two people are in love, | 原来两个人相爱的时候 |
| 106 | their lives are intertwined, | 他们的生活是互相交织的, |
| 107 | and they begin to think of themselves | 他们开始思考自己 |
| 108 | not as separate individuals anymore, | 不再作为单独个体, |
| 109 | but instead as a couple. | 但作为一对夫妇。 |
| 110 | And the more intertwined those two people's lives are, | 而这两个人的生活越是交织在一起, |
| 111 | the more overlap in their lives, their friends, | 他们的生活越重叠 他们的朋友, |
| 112 | their interests, and in their circles in this diagram. | 他们的利益, 和他们的圈 在这个图表。 |
| 113 | And the more overlap between their lives, | 他们的生活越重叠 |
| 114 | the more mutuality. | 越是互相爱慕 |
| 115 | And mutuality is when we refer to ourselves as a couple, | 而相互是当我们称自己为夫妇时, |
| 116 | as an us or we, rather than as an I or this other person. | 作为我们或我们,而不是作为一个我或这个其他人。 |
| 117 | So for example, if I asked you | 举个例子,如果我问你 |
| 118 | what you were doing last weekend, | 你上个周末在做什么? |
| 119 | if you were in love, you would tell me | 如果你恋爱了 你会告诉我 |
| 120 | we went out to dinner, we went to the movies, | 我们出去吃饭, 我们去看电影, |
| 121 | or we went up north for the weekend, | 或者我们北上周末 |
| 122 | rather than I took Sandy to the movies | 而不是我带桑迪去看电影 |
| 123 | and then I went out to dinner, or I went up north. | 然后我出去吃晚饭 或者往北走 |
| 124 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust or love, | 所以,如果你想区分 欲望或爱, |
| 125 | look at your language and the degree | 看你的语言和学位 |
| 126 | to which you use we versus I statements. | 你用我们来对付我 |
| 127 | The third sign is self-disclosure, | 第三个标志是自我披露, |
| 128 | what you tell this other person about you. | 你告诉其他人你的事 |
| 129 | Love motivates us to reveal extensive information | 爱情激励我们 揭露大量的信息 |
| 130 | about ourselves to this other person. | 关于我们自己 对于另一个人。 |
| 131 | When we're in love, we wanna tell this person | 当我们相爱的时候 我们要告诉这个人 |
| 132 | about our dreams, our aspirations, | 关于我们的梦想和愿望, |
| 133 | our goals, the past, the future. | 我们的目标,过去,未来。 |
| 134 | Sometimes we tell them confidential information, | 有时我们告诉他们机密情报 |
| 135 | and sometimes we tell them all of our secrets | 有时我们告诉他们我们的秘密 |
| 136 | that we've never told anyone before. | 我们从来没有告诉过任何人。 |
| 137 | When we think about self-disclosure in a relationship, | 当我们考虑在一段关系中自我披露时, |
| 138 | you wanna think about an onion. | 你想想想洋葱 |
| 139 | The outer layers of an onion represent | 洋葱的外层代表 |
| 140 | the superficial aspects to us as an individual. | 我们个人的表面面貌 |
| 141 | And as you peel away the layers of the onion, | 当你剥掉洋葱层时 |
| 142 | you get at the core of who you are. | 你得到的核心 你是谁。 |
| 143 | You get deeper, and there's more information | 你更深入,还有更多的信息 |
| 144 | about you as an individual, personal, | 关于你个人,个人, |
| 145 | and intimate information. | 和亲密的信息。 |
| 146 | So when you're in lust, you only peel away | 所以,当你在欲望中, 你只剥离 |
| 147 | a few of those layers. | 几层 |
| 148 | You tell this other person maybe about your interests, | 你告诉其他人 也许关于你的利益, |
| 149 | your hobbies, movie or music preferences, | 你的爱好,电影或音乐喜好, |
| 150 | but that's it, you don't go to the deep core of you. | 但就是这样,你不会去你深层的核心。 |
| 151 | But when you're in love, you go straight to the core. | 但爱时直入核心. |
| 152 | You share information that has more breadth, more topics, | 你分享的信息 更广,更多的话题, |
| 153 | but each topic also is deeper, more personal in nature. | 但每个话题都更深 更个人化 |
| 154 | You go straight to the core. | 你直接进入核心 |
| 155 | So if you wanna distinguish between lust and love, | 如果你想区分欲望和爱 |
| 156 | look at what you're talking about | 看看你在说什么 |
| 157 | and how many topics with this other person. | 和多少主题 与另一个人。 |
| 158 | Now the last and fourth sign | 现在最后一个和第四个标志 |
| 159 | is that you influence one another. | 你们互相影响, |
| 160 | When two people are in love, | 当两个人恋爱时 |
| 161 | what one person does or wants to do | 一个人做什么或想做什么 |
| 162 | influences the other person in meaningful and strong ways. | 以有意义和有力的方式影响他人。 |
| 163 | For example, if you were thinking about moving | 比如,如果你想搬家的话 |
| 164 | to a different state because of a new job, | 由于新的工作,去另一个州, |
| 165 | or you were considering any big change in your life, | 或者你考虑过人生的任何改变 |
| 166 | you would want to go to your partner | 你想去找你的搭档 |
| 167 | before you make a decision. | 在你做出决定之前 |
| 168 | Likewise, if you had something happen to you, | 同样 如果你出了什么事 |
| 169 | a medical scare, you actually lost your job | 医疗恐惧,你居然丢了工作 |
| 170 | or the death of a family member, | 或家庭成员死亡, |
| 171 | you would want to go to this person | 你想去找这个人 |
| 172 | to get social support, assistance. | 获得社会支持、援助。 |
| 173 | You would want help from this person | 你想得到这个人的帮助 |
| 174 | or if you had something good happen to you, | 或者如果你有什么好事发生 |
| 175 | you won the lottery or you got an award at work, | 你赢得了彩票 或者你在工作中得到了一个奖项, |
| 176 | you again would go to this person | 你还会去找这个人 |
| 177 | because you would want them to share the good news | 因为你希望他们分享好消息 |
| 178 | and they actually would celebrate with you. | 他们真的会和你一起庆祝 |
| 179 | So lust and love are completely different from one another | 所以性欲和爱是完全不同的 |
| 180 | and couples have a very difficult time maintaining | 和夫妇有一个非常困难的维持时间 |
| 181 | that urgent longing we call lust over the long term. | 我们称之为长期欲望的迫切渴望 |
| 182 | Can you recreate that lust? | 你能重现那种欲望吗? |
| 183 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 184 | My research shows that if you add three behaviors | 我的研究表明,如果你加上三个行为 |
| 185 | to your loving long-term relationship, | 敬你的爱 长期关系, |
| 186 | you can reignite or rekindle that lustful desire | 你可以重新点燃或重新点燃那贪欲 |
| 187 | and those three behaviors turn out to be the same behaviors | 而这三种行为 最终是相同的行为 |
| 188 | that ignited the lust when you first met that person. | 那点燃了你第一次见到那个人时的欲望 |
| 189 | So if you mirror the beginnings of your relationship, | 所以,如果你反映 你关系开始, |
| 190 | you can add lust, rekindle that passion in your relationship. | 你可以增加性欲, 重新点燃激情 在你的关系中。 |
| 191 | The first strategy to rekindle or recreate the lust | 重燃或重现欲望的第一个策略 |
| 192 | is to do new and novel activities with your partner | 和你的搭档一起做新的和新的活动 |
| 193 | because newness creates excitement. | 因为新事物会产生兴奋 |
| 194 | Think about it. | 考虑一下 |
| 195 | At the beginning of your relationship, | 在你们开始交往时 |
| 196 | everything was a new experience for the two of you. | 一切都是你们的新经历 |
| 197 | Everything was new and novel. | 一切都是新颖的 |
| 198 | Every date you went on, every restaurant you ate at | 每一次约会,你吃的每家餐馆 |
| 199 | was a new experience for the two of you | 你们俩的新经历 |
| 200 | and that created the excitement | 并创造了兴奋 |
| 201 | and created all of that arousal. | 他创造了一切。 |
| 202 | But then as time went on, the newness wears off. | 但随着时间的流逝,新事物逐渐消退. |
| 203 | So if you wanna recreate that lust, | 所以,如果你想重现 欲望, |
| 204 | you need to find new and exciting things to do | 你需要找到新的 令人兴奋的事情去做 |
| 205 | with your partner. | 与你的搭档。 |
| 206 | Now that can be as simple as going to a new restaurant | 现在这可以像去新餐厅一样简单 |
| 207 | in a different part of the city | 在城市的另一部分 |
| 208 | that you've never been to. | 你从来没有去过。 |
| 209 | You can try skating, skiing, or snowboarding | 你可以尝试滑冰、滑雪或滑雪 |
| 210 | for the first time with your partner. | 第一次与你的搭档。 |
| 211 | Boy, I have winter on the brain, don't I? | 孩子,我脑子里有冬天,不是吗? |
| 212 | Or you can, like my husband and I did, | 或者你可以,像我丈夫和我一样, |
| 213 | sign up for a cooking class. | 报名参加烹饪课. |
| 214 | Neither of us had done it separately | 我们两个都没分开做 |
| 215 | and we did it together, which fueled the lust. | 我们一起做了,这助长了欲望。 |
| 216 | Anything new will recreate that beginning feeling. | 任何新的东西都会重现这种开始的感觉。 |
| 217 | The second strategy that you wanna do | 你想做的第二个策略 |
| 218 | is to use the element of surprise | 使用惊喜元素 |
| 219 | and add a little bit of mystery to your relationship | 给你们的关系增添一点神秘 |
| 220 | because mystery and surprise enhances lust. | 因为神秘和惊喜会增加欲望 |
| 221 | The idea is you want that oh wow factor, right? | 想法是,你想要 哦哇的因素,对不对? |
| 222 | You want that to be recreated | 你想重现它 |
| 223 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 224 | Again, think back. | 再说一遍 回想一下 |
| 225 | At the beginning, everything was different | 一开始,一切都不一样 |
| 226 | and interesting that you were learning about your partner. | 有趣的是,你正在学习 关于你的伴侣。 |
| 227 | Yes, she told you that she had a pet snake | 是的,她告诉你 她有一个宠物蛇 |
| 228 | when she was growing up and you went what? | 当她长大了,你去了什么? |
| 229 | Wow, now that's interesting. | 哇,现在有趣了。 |
| 230 | Or that he was closest to his grandmother growing up | 或者说,他和他外婆长大了 |
| 231 | and you asked a lot of questions | 你问了很多问题 |
| 232 | because that was fascinating to you. | 因为那对你很有吸引力 |
| 233 | Any new or different interesting, mysterious, | 任何新的或不同的有趣,神秘, |
| 234 | surprising information refuels that passion and lust. | 令人惊讶的信息 激起这种激情和欲望。 |
| 235 | But then as time goes on in a relationship, | 但随着时间的流逝 |
| 236 | you begin to really know your partner almost too well. | 你开始很了解你的搭档了 |
| 237 | You know what they like to do on Sundays. | 你知道他们喜欢星期天做什么 |
| 238 | You know that she snores when she sleeps | 你知道她睡觉时会打呼噜 |
| 239 | and he chews with his mouth open | 他用口吃, |
| 240 | and he doesn't like the color pink. | 他不喜欢粉红色 |
| 241 | You really get to know your partner. | 你真的会了解你的搭档 |
| 242 | And while that's wonderful | 虽然这很好 |
| 243 | because that intimate knowledge builds love, | 因为亲密的知识造就了爱 |
| 244 | it extinguishes lust. | 它消除了欲望。 |
| 245 | So you again need to add the element of surprise and mystery. | 所以,你需要再次添加 惊喜和神秘的元素。 |
| 246 | And yes, all of what you're thinking about there | 没错,你心里想的一切 |
| 247 | regarding lingerie and role playing | 关于内衣和角色扮演 |
| 248 | is adding mystery to your relationship. | 让你的关系更加神秘 |
| 249 | But you can also do other things. | 但你也可以做别的事 |
| 250 | You can go to your partner's place of work | 你可以去你的伴侣的工作场所 |
| 251 | and whisk them away for lunch or after work for dinner. | 和刮走他们午餐 或下班后吃饭。 |
| 252 | Or you can send them a flirty text message | 或者你可以给他们发个调情的短信 |
| 253 | in the middle of the afternoon. | 午后时. |
| 254 | One of the wives in my long-term study | 我长期学习的一个妻子 |
| 255 | on marriage and divorce | 结婚和离婚 |
| 256 | said that she took her husband on a treasure hunt | 说她带丈夫去寻宝 |
| 257 | and he went all around the city without her. | 没有她,他就到处跑 |
| 258 | But she left these little notes in each spot | 但是她把这些小笔记留在了每个地方 |
| 259 | and he found the experience surprising and full of adventure. | 他发现这段经历令人惊讶 充满冒险 |
| 260 | And she said it added a little spice | 她说它增加了一点香料 |
| 261 | to their relationship afterwards. | 之后他们的关系。 |
| 262 | The third and final way to rekindle that lust | 重新燃起欲望的第三个也是最后一个方法 |
| 263 | is to do what I call arousal producing activities. | 做我所说的刺激生产活动 |
| 264 | Now, this is my favorite suggestion, | 这是我最喜欢的建议 |
| 265 | but it's not what you think. | 但不是你想的那样 |
| 266 | I see you all smiling and smirking out there. | 我看到你们都笑着笑着 |
| 267 | It's actually clean. | 实际清净. |
| 268 | What relationship scientists have learned | 科学家们学到了什么关系 |
| 269 | is that if you do an arousal producing activity | 如果你们要从事一种生产活动, |
| 270 | with your partner, | 和你搭档 |
| 271 | that arousal or that adrenaline rush | 兴奋或肾上腺素冲动 |
| 272 | that's produced through this other activity, | 这是通过其他活动产生的, |
| 273 | the arousal can actually get transferred | 催泪瓦斯可以被转移 |
| 274 | to your partner and your relationship. | 你的伴侣和你的关系。 |
| 275 | It's almost like you're tricking your brain | 简直就像在骗你的大脑 |
| 276 | to attributing or associating | 归属或关联 |
| 277 | that arousal due to another activity | 由于其他活动引起轰动 |
| 278 | to your partner or to your relationship. | 对你的伴侣或你的关系。 |
| 279 | So what am I really talking about then | 我到底在说什么呢? |
| 280 | when I say arousal producing activities? | 当我说刺激生产活动时? |
| 281 | There are lots of things you can do. | 有很多事情你可以做。 |
| 282 | You can exercise with one another side by side. | 你们可以一起锻炼 |
| 283 | You can watch a comedy show, a scary movie. | 你可以看喜剧表演,恐怖电影. |
| 284 | You can even ride a roller coaster ride | 你甚至可以骑过山车 |
| 285 | at an amusement park. | 在游乐园 |
| 286 | And in fact, if you go on any scary ride | 实际上,如果你去 任何可怕的旅程 |
| 287 | at an amusement park, | 在游乐场, |
| 288 | you can rekindle that passion | 你可以重新唤起激情 |
| 289 | by having the arousal due to the ride | 以因乘车而兴起 |
| 290 | transferred to your partner or your relationship. | 转到你的伴侣或你的关系。 |
| 291 | Now, just make sure, though, | 现在,只是确保,虽然, |
| 292 | that you go with your partner, | 你和你的搭档去, |
| 293 | because if you do it with someone else, | 因为如果你和别人做, |
| 294 | the arousal might get transferred to that other person | 欢呼声可能会被转移到另一个人身上 |
| 295 | and not your relationship. | 而不是你的关系。 |
| 296 | So in the end, lust and love are very different, | 所以最终, 欲望和爱是完全不同的, |
| 297 | but moments of passion are the highlights | 但激情的瞬间是亮点 |
| 298 | of our lives and of our relationships. | 我们的生活和我们的关系。 |
| 299 | And in fact, ask anyone about the experience | 其实,问别人的经验 |
| 300 | and they definitely remember | 他们肯定记得 |
| 301 | and they have a little smile on their face. | 他们脸上有笑容 |
| 302 | And don't get me wrong, | 别误会 |
| 303 | I think lust is fun and wonderful, | 我认为性欲是乐趣和美妙的, |
| 304 | but lust is not the glue | 但欲望不是胶水 |
| 305 | that keeps long-term relationships together and happy. | 保持长期的关系 并快乐。 |
| 306 | The glue that keeps people bonded over time | 胶水会让人们在一段时间内结交 |
| 307 | is actually love. | 其实是爱。 |
| 308 | And love is also a profound experience, | 爱也是一种深刻的经验, |
| 309 | but it is characterized by interconnectedness, | 但它的特点是相互联系, |
| 310 | by mutuality, by interdependence, | 相互依存, |
| 311 | and lots of self-disclosure. | 和许多自我披露。 |
| 312 | You do not have to have lust without love | 你不必有欲望 没有爱 |
| 313 | and you don't have to have love without lust. | 你不需要有爱 没有欲望。 |
| 314 | They don't have to be mutually exclusive | 他们不必互相排斥 |
| 315 | in your relationship. | 在你的关系中。 |
| 316 | You can recreate that lustful desire, | 你可以重现那种欲望 |
| 317 | and I love saying that word, lustful desire, | 我爱说这个词, 欲望, |
| 318 | in your loving long-term relationship. | 在你的爱 长期的关系。 |
| 319 | It's simple, it's easy, it's amazing. | 简单易行,令人惊叹. |
| 320 | Now, what are you waiting for? | 你还在等什么? |
| 321 | Go do it. | 来吧。 |
| 322 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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