爱的科学【TED演讲】
共 3 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 爱的科学【TED演讲】 中英双语 | 27:23 |
| P2 | 爱的科学【TED演讲】 英文字幕(注释+中文外挂) | 27:23 |
| P3 | 爱的科学【TED演讲】 无字幕(中英外挂) | 27:23 |
P1 · 爱的科学【TED演讲】 p01 中英双语 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 0:05 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 0:10 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 0:14 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 0:16 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 0:21 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 0:24 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 0:25 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 0:29 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 0:32 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
展开字幕全文（552 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 2 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 3 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 4 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 5 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 6 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 7 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 8 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 9 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 10 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
| 11 | and it shows that great friendships, | 它显示伟大的友谊, |
| 12 | great love relationships between lovers and parents and children | 恋人与父母与孩子的爱情 |
| 13 | lead to greater health, mental health as well as physical health, | 增进健康、精神健康和身体健康, |
| 14 | greater wealth, greater resilience, faster recovery from illness, | 财富增加、复原能力增强、疾病恢复更快 |
| 15 | greater longevity. | 更长寿。 |
| 16 | If you want to live 10 to 15 years longer, | 如果你想再活10到15年的话 |
| 17 | work on your relationships, not just your exercise, | 工作在你们的关系, 不只是你的锻炼, |
| 18 | and more successful children as well. | 以及更成功的孩子们 |
| 19 | So love has a kind of magic. | 故爱有种魔力. |
| 20 | It's able to do amazing things. | 能成就众生不可思议之事. |
| 21 | And one of my favorite films is Sleepless in Seattle | 我最喜欢的电影之一是西雅图的无眠 |
| 22 | with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. | 汤姆・汉克斯和梅格・瑞恩 |
| 23 | And I just want to share with you a quote | 我只想和你们分享一句 |
| 24 | where Tom Hanks is on the radio with the talk show host, Marsha, | 汤姆·汉克斯和脱口秀主持人玛莎在电台里 |
| 25 | and she says to him, | 她对他说, |
| 26 | Sam, tell me what was so special about your wife. | Sam 告诉我 你妻子有什么特别的 |
| 27 | And Tom Hanks, as Sam says, | 汤姆汉克斯,正如山姆所说, |
| 28 | well, how long is your program? | 你的节目要多久? |
| 29 | Oh, well, it was a million tiny little things. | 哦,好吧,这是一百万个小东西。 |
| 30 | We were supposed to be together, and I knew it. | 我们本来应该在一起的 我就知道 |
| 31 | I knew it the very first time I touched her. | 我第一次碰她时就知道了 |
| 32 | It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. | 这就像回家, 只是没有家 我曾经知道。 |
| 33 | It was just taking her hand to help her out of the car. | 它只是拿她的手 帮助她下车。 |
| 34 | And you know, it was like magic. | 你知道,这就像魔法。 |
| 35 | And Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan say the word magic at the same time. | 而汤姆·汉克斯(Tom Hanks)和梅格·瑞安(Meg Ryan)同时说出魔法这个词. |
| 36 | So what about this magic? | 那这个魔法呢? |
| 37 | Can science really help find the magic of love? | 科学真的能帮助找到爱的魔力吗? |
| 38 | Well, the first step is that we needed a lot of data. | 首先我们需要很多数据。 |
| 39 | We needed to basically understand relationships better, | 我们需要更了解关系 |
| 40 | and that's not something I did alone. | 那不是我一个人干的 |
| 41 | In fact, 45 years ago, we built a love lab, | 事实上 45年前 我们建了一个爱情实验室 |
| 42 | and this lab was built in part by a bromance, | 而这个实验室 部分是由一个兄弟建造的, |
| 43 | my best friend Bob Levinson and I created this lab. | 我最好的朋友鲍勃・莱文森和我 创建了这个实验室。 |
| 44 | And Bob and I became good friends, | 鲍勃和我成了好朋友, |
| 45 | and we realized that our relationships with women | 我们意识到我们与女人的关系 |
| 46 | were not going very well. | 进展不大顺利。 |
| 47 | It went from one disaster to another. | 它从一个灾难到另一个灾难。 |
| 48 | So basically two clueless guys got together | 所以基本上两个无知的家伙在一起 |
| 49 | to build this laboratory. | 建造这个实验室 |
| 50 | And then over 30 years ago, | 然后30多年前, |
| 51 | a romance with my wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, | 和我妻子朱莉·施瓦兹·戈特曼博士的浪漫 |
| 52 | and we decided to work together | 我们决定一起工作 |
| 53 | to see whether we could make a difference. | 看看我们能不能有所作为 |
| 54 | So basic research was followed by applied research. | 因此基础研究之后是应用研究. |
| 55 | We used validated questionnaires, | 我们用经过验证的问卷 |
| 56 | online questionnaires that allow us to assess | 在线问卷,使我们能够评估 |
| 57 | the strengths of a relationship | 关系的力量 |
| 58 | in the areas that need improvement. | 在需要改进的领域。 |
| 59 | And we validated these questionnaires | 我们验证了这些问卷 |
| 60 | to make sure that we knew what we were measuring, | 以确保我们知道我们在测量什么, |
| 61 | and we could measure things reliably and accurately. | 我们可以可靠和准确地测量事物。 |
| 62 | So we created this checkup, | 所以我们创造了这个检查, |
| 63 | and over 40,000 couples have taken these questionnaires, | 超过4万对夫妇接受了这些问卷调查, |
| 64 | and we get a green circle for strength, | 我们得到一个绿色的圆圈 力量, |
| 65 | a red box for an area that needs improvement. | 红盒,用于一个需要改进的区域。 |
| 66 | But we get their story of their relationship. | 但我们知道他们的关系 |
| 67 | We ask them about how they met. | 我们问他们是怎么认识的 |
| 68 | We find out the quality of their friendship and intimacy | 我们发现了他们的友谊和亲密关系 |
| 69 | from this interview. | 从这次采访。 |
| 70 | And we collect physiological measures from them | 我们从他们那里收集生理措施 |
| 71 | as they're talking to one another. | 因为他们在互相交谈 |
| 72 | We're measuring heart rate, blood velocity, | 我们正在测量心率,血液速度, |
| 73 | skin conductance, respiration, | 皮肤运动,呼吸, |
| 74 | a variety of things like that. | 诸如来种种如来. |
| 75 | And we score their emotions second by second | 而我们得分他们的情绪第二 |
| 76 | in this kind of split-screen arrangement | 在这种分屏安排中 |
| 77 | where even though they're facing each other, | 即使他们面对对方 |
| 78 | we can really code facial expressions, voice tone, | 我们真的可以编码面部表情 语音语气 |
| 79 | nonverbal behavior, and verbal behavior | 非口头行为和口头行为 |
| 80 | very accurately and reliably. | 非常准确和可靠 |
| 81 | We have them use a video recall rating dial, | 我们让他们用一个视频召回 评级拨号, |
| 82 | which they just turn from extremely negative | 他们从极端消极的 |
| 83 | to extremely positive as they're watching the videotapes | 在他们看录影带时非常积极 |
| 84 | to get their perception of the interaction as well. | 以获得他们对互动的看法。 |
| 85 | And then we synchronize all of that. | 然后我们同步所有这一切。 |
| 86 | Video, physiology, coded emotion, and perception. | 视频 生理学 编码情感和感知 |
| 87 | And on the left, you see all the physiological measures | 在左边,你可以看到所有的生理测量 |
| 88 | we're collecting, and a cursor that moves along. | 我们收集, 和光标移动。 |
| 89 | In this particular moment, the wife has said something | 在这个特殊的时刻 妻子说了些什么 |
| 90 | that just makes the husband dissolve in hilarity. | 这只会让丈夫变得充满爱意 |
| 91 | And shared humor turns out to be very powerful | 而分享幽默 证明是非常强大的 |
| 92 | in our relationship at reducing physiological arousal. | 在我们的关系 减少生理刺激。 |
| 93 | So what did we find from this laboratory? | 我们从实验室找到什么了? |
| 94 | We got over 90% success in predicting | 我们预测成功90%以上 |
| 95 | either divorce of stability | 或稳定离婚 |
| 96 | or the happiness of relationships that were stable. | 或者是关系稳定的幸福 |
| 97 | And the major impact of that finding was that | 调查结果的主要影响是 |
| 98 | Julian and I didn't get invited out to dinner very often. | 朱利安和我没有经常被邀请出去吃饭 |
| 99 | But the effects replicated six different times | 但效果复制了六个不同的时间 |
| 100 | in six studies that Bob Levinson and I did | 鲍勃·莱文森和我六次研究 |
| 101 | over the whole life course. | 整个人生 |
| 102 | And that's probably the most replicated effect | 这也许是最复制的效果 |
| 103 | in the study of relationships now. | 在研究现在的关系。 |
| 104 | And we're no longer alone. | 我们不再孤单了 |
| 105 | Other labs are getting very similar kinds of results. | 其它实验室也取得了非常相似的结果。 |
| 106 | We followed these couples for as long as 20 years. | 我们跟踪这些夫妇长达20年。 |
| 107 | Straight couples, gay and lesbian couples, newlyweds, | 直系夫妇 同性恋夫妇 新婚夫妇 |
| 108 | middle-aged couples, older couples, | 中年夫妇,年长夫妇, |
| 109 | into their late 80s and 90s. | 进入80年代和90年代 |
| 110 | So what did we find? | 我们发现了什么? |
| 111 | This over 90% prediction. | 这超过90%的预测。 |
| 112 | What predicts? | 什么预言? |
| 113 | And we kind of sit down in our lab and talk to a couple | 我们坐在实验室里和一对夫妇聊天 |
| 114 | about their strengths and areas that need improvement | 关于其长处和需要改进的领域 |
| 115 | based upon this research. | 基于这项研究。 |
| 116 | Well, one thing we do is we create kind of a | 我们做的一件事就是创造出一种 |
| 117 | Dow Jones industrial average of a conversation. | 道琼斯的工业平均谈话 |
| 118 | And by doing that, very much like the Dow Jones, | 通过这样做,非常 像道琼斯, |
| 119 | it's really good if the cumulative positive | 如果累积的正数是好的 |
| 120 | minus negative emotions are going up. | 减负情绪上升。 |
| 121 | In other words, on the left we see a low-risk couple | 换句话说,左边是一对低风险夫妇 |
| 122 | where there really is much more positive than negative | 真正的积极比消极的多 |
| 123 | in general, right? | 一般来说,对不对? |
| 124 | They go up and down. | 他们上下走。 |
| 125 | And on the right, the high-risk couple, | 右边是高危夫妇 |
| 126 | where basically they go down all along their interaction. | 基本上,他们一直走下去 他们的互动。 |
| 127 | Well, it turns out that one thing we discovered | 原来我们发现了一件事 |
| 128 | was that the way the conversation starts | 对话的开始 |
| 129 | in the first three minutes of a conflict discussion | 在冲突讨论的头三分钟 |
| 130 | will predict 96% of the time | 将预测96%的时间 |
| 131 | whether they're a low-risk couple or a high-risk couple. | 不管是低风险夫妇还是高风险夫妇 |
| 132 | So startup, the way each person starts | 所以,开始,每个人开始的方式 |
| 133 | before they start influencing one another, | 在他们互相影响之前, |
| 134 | is very critical in this prediction. | 在这个预测中非常关键。 |
| 135 | The other thing we learned is something we call | 我们学到的另外一件事 就是我们称之为 |
| 136 | the Roach Hotel model of relationships. | 洛克酒店的关系模式。 |
| 137 | Remember the Roach Hotel? | 还记得Roach酒店吗? |
| 138 | The Roaches check in, but they don't check out. | 蟑螂队报到,但他们不报到. |
| 139 | That's a really good Roach trap. | 这是一个非常好的蟑螂陷阱。 |
| 140 | Well, negative emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, | 负面情绪 愤怒 悲伤 失望 |
| 141 | fear, all of these emotions, the negative emotions, | 恐惧,所有这些情绪,负面情绪, |
| 142 | for unhappy couples become like that Roach Hotel. | 对于不幸福的情侣 变得像蟑螂酒店。 |
| 143 | Once they check in, they don't check out. | 一旦他们报到, 他们不报到。 |
| 144 | It's hard to exit and easy to enter | 很难离开,容易进入 |
| 145 | this negative affect state. | 这个负效应状态。 |
| 146 | And it turned out the balance of positive | 结果是正数的平衡 |
| 147 | and negative emotions is our key index of this magic | 负面情感是我们这个魔法的关键索引 |
| 148 | that Tom Hanks was talking about in Sleepless in Seattle. | 汤姆・汉克斯在西雅图的无眠区谈的 |
| 149 | The balance of positive and negative emotions. | 积极情绪与消极情绪的平衡. |
| 150 | So this ratio of positivity to negativity | 因此,这种否定与否定的比例 |
| 151 | during conflict in unhappy couples, | 在不幸福的夫妻冲突中, |
| 152 | that's why this slide is in red, was 0.8 to 1. | 这就是为什么这个幻灯片是红色的, 是0.8比1. |
| 153 | Just a little bit more negativity than positivity. | 只是有点消极比消极。 |
| 154 | And I was completely wrong. | 我完全错了 |
| 155 | I thought that would be a great relationship. | 我认为这是个伟大的关系。 |
| 156 | In my relationships that had failed, | 在我失败的关系中 |
| 157 | we were much more negative than positive. | 我们的负面程度远胜于正面。 |
| 158 | So I thought if it was balanced, it would be great. | 所以我想如果它是平衡的,这将是伟大的。 |
| 159 | But no, it turned out that actually the balance | 但是没有,结果其实是平衡 |
| 160 | of positive and negative emotions during conflict | 冲突期间的积极和消极情绪 |
| 161 | in relationships that were stable and happy was 5 to 1. | 在稳定与幸福的关系中 5比1 |
| 162 | It was five times as much affection, humor, | 这是五倍的爱,幽默, |
| 163 | interest in one another, excitement, connection. | 对彼此的兴趣,兴奋,连接。 |
| 164 | Then there was hostility, disappointment, anger, negativity. | 之后出现了敌意,失望,愤怒,消极情绪. |
| 165 | So there really was a balance that was way balanced | 所以,真的有一个平衡 是平衡的方式 |
| 166 | toward positive emotions in happy, stable relationships. | 在幸福稳定的关系中 走向积极的情感 |
| 167 | So this 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio | 所以这个5比1正负比 |
| 168 | has become pretty widely known. | 已经变得相当广为人知。 |
| 169 | I left a Starbucks in Seattle recently, | 我最近把星巴克留在西雅图 |
| 170 | and a guy drove by in his pickup truck, | 和一个人开车经过他的卡车, |
| 171 | and he rolled down the window and he said, | 他从窗户上滚下来说: |
| 172 | hey, 5 to 1, right? | 嘿,5比1,对吗? |
| 173 | I said, right. | 我说的没错 |
| 174 | So we both gave us the thumbs up sign. | 所以我们都给了我们拇指的标志。 |
| 175 | So that's our index of the magic. | 这就是我们的魔法索引。 |
| 176 | But then we thought, okay, you have an index, | 但后来我们想,好吧,你有一个索引, |
| 177 | but how do you change that index? | 但你如何改变指数? |
| 178 | What do you need to really make a difference? | 你要做什么才能真正改变? |
| 179 | And so our hypothesis was that you needed three things, | 所以我们的假设是 你需要三件事 |
| 180 | physiological calm and trust and commitment. | 生理平静,信任和承诺。 |
| 181 | So what about those things? | 那那些东西呢? |
| 182 | Can we actually measure those in our laboratory, | 我们能在实验室里测量一下吗? |
| 183 | and can we actually make a difference? | 我们真的能有所作为吗? |
| 184 | And is this right? | 是这样吗? |
| 185 | Well, the first one, physiological calm, | 第一个 生理平静 |
| 186 | was kind of a balance in physiology. | 在生理学上是一种平衡 |
| 187 | The couples whose heart rates were lower, | 那些心率较低的夫妇, |
| 188 | whose blood was flowing less rapidly, | 他的血流得不快, |
| 189 | who weren't sweating as much, | 他没有出汗那么多, |
| 190 | those people actually seemed kind of boring, | 那些人似乎有点无聊 |
| 191 | but they had great relationships. | 但他们的关系很好 |
| 192 | They were gentle with one another, not hostile. | 他们彼此温柔,没有敌意 |
| 193 | They reassured one another. | 他们互相安慰 |
| 194 | Very interesting balance in physiology | 生理学上非常有趣的平衡 |
| 195 | created by their behavior. | 他们的行为创造了。 |
| 196 | And by the way, we found we have to measure these things. | 顺便说一句,我们发现我们必须测量这些东西。 |
| 197 | So I have a pulse oximeter right here, | 因此,我有一个脉冲氧度计就在这里, |
| 198 | and it allows me when I press the button | 它允许我按下按钮 |
| 199 | to really find out what my heart rate is | 真正发现我的心率是什么 |
| 200 | and what the percent oxygen is. | 还有氧气的百分率 |
| 201 | And right now my heart rate is 110 beats a minute, | 现在我的心跳速度是每分钟110次 |
| 202 | and my percent oxygen is 92%. | 我百分之九十二的氧气 |
| 203 | So that sucks. | 所以这很烂。 |
| 204 | I'm highly aroused physiologically. | 我生理上很兴奋 |
| 205 | So you can't tell what's going on physiologically | 所以你无法从生理上看清发生了什么 |
| 206 | with somebody by looking at them. | 和别人一起看着他们 |
| 207 | You have to actually measure it. | 你必须实际测量它。 |
| 208 | And we have to build physiological calm in a couple. | 我们必须在一对夫妇中建立生理平静。 |
| 209 | Now why? | 为什么? |
| 210 | Why is that so important? | 为什么这么重要? |
| 211 | Well, it turns out that when people are calm, | 事实证明,当人们冷静下来, |
| 212 | they can take in information. | 他们可以接受信息。 |
| 213 | They can listen. | 他们可以听。 |
| 214 | They can be empathetic. | 他们可以感到同情。 |
| 215 | They have access to their sense of humor. | 他们有幽默感 |
| 216 | That's very important. | 这很重要 |
| 217 | But when they're flooded, | 但当它们被淹没时, |
| 218 | when there's a diffuse activation | 当有扩散激活时 |
| 219 | of various parts of the autonomic nervous system, | 自动神经系统的各个部分, |
| 220 | they're much more likely to be in attack or defend mode. | 他们更有可能处于攻击或防御模式。 |
| 221 | So if a therapist doesn't know what's going on physiologically | 所以如果心理医生不知道 生理上发生了什么 |
| 222 | and says, can you summarize what your wife just said, | 并说,你能总结 你的妻子刚才说, |
| 223 | summarize what your husband just says, | 总结一下你丈夫刚才说的话 |
| 224 | can you validate and be empathetic? | 你能验证和同情吗? |
| 225 | They can't do it if they're physiologically aroused. | 他们不能这样做 如果他们的生理激发。 |
| 226 | So the therapist actually has to know that | 所以治疗师必须知道 |
| 227 | to help them calm down. | 帮助他们冷静下来。 |
| 228 | So physiological calm is good. | 所以生理平静是好的。 |
| 229 | That's what we learned. | 这就是我们学到的。 |
| 230 | So part of that trio of variables, | 所以这三重变量的一部分, |
| 231 | we know we have validation that that's important. | 我们知道这很重要 |
| 232 | But the magic also comes, we hypothesize, | 但魔法也来了,我们假设, |
| 233 | from building trust. | 从建立信任。 |
| 234 | So what's trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 235 | It's something that people talk about, | 这是人们谈论的东西, |
| 236 | but can you measure it? | 但你能测量它吗? |
| 237 | And it turns out we can measure it reliably and validly. | 结果我们可以可靠和有效地测量它。 |
| 238 | And a trusting relationship, | 和信任的关系, |
| 239 | a mutually trusting relationship, | 一个相互信任的关系, |
| 240 | really leads to intimacy and great sex. | 真正导致亲密和伟大的性爱。 |
| 241 | A distrusting relationship leads to loneliness. | 不信任的关系导致孤独. |
| 242 | And guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 243 | The major reason people have affairs | 人有私事的主要原因 |
| 244 | is not because of sex or desire, | 不是因为性或欲望, |
| 245 | it's because they're lonely | 因为他们很寂寞 |
| 246 | and they have found somebody who finds them interesting | 他们发现有人觉得他们很有趣 |
| 247 | and wants to talk to them in the context of a relationship | 并想和他们谈谈 在关系的背景 |
| 248 | that really isn't working very well. | 这真的不是很好工作。 |
| 249 | So what is trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 250 | How do we define it? | 我们如何定义它? |
| 251 | How do we measure it? | 我们如何衡量它? |
| 252 | And here we use mathematics, | 在这里,我们使用数学, |
| 253 | the mathematics of game theory, | 游戏理论的数学, |
| 254 | and we can actually measure this idea | 我们实际上可以测量这个想法 |
| 255 | that mutual trust comes from when both partners | 相互信任来自双方 |
| 256 | are maximizing the benefits of both people, | 使双方的利益最大化, |
| 257 | not just one person's benefit against the other person. | 不只是一个人对另一个人的利益。 |
| 258 | So I'm always thinking about, | 所以我总是在想, |
| 259 | how does my wife see things? | 我妻子怎么看东西? |
| 260 | I can walk into a kitchen now after 30 years of marriage | 结婚30年以后 我可以走进厨房 |
| 261 | and view that kitchen the way my wife would view it. | 看着厨房,就像我妻子那样 |
| 262 | So I can say, | 所以我可以说, |
| 263 | Julie would be upset by that. | 朱莉会很生气的 |
| 264 | So I'll clean it up, | 所以我会清理它, |
| 265 | and now I know when she comes in | 现在我知道她什么时候进来了 |
| 266 | she's not going to notice anything that's really disgusting. | 她不会注意到什么是真正的恶心。 |
| 267 | I'm more of a slob, so for me it was fine. | 我比较笨 所以对我来说还不错 |
| 268 | But people who develop mutual trust | 但培养相互信任的人 |
| 269 | really always have their partners in their heads, | 总是有他们的伙伴在他们的头上, |
| 270 | not just themselves, | 不只是他们自己, |
| 271 | and they're thinking about both of them. | 他们都在考虑他们俩 |
| 272 | But the magic also comes from building commitment. | 但魔法也来自于建立承诺. |
| 273 | So what does this mean? | 这是什么意思? |
| 274 | Well, we've learned a lot about commitment | 我们学到了很多关于承诺的知识 |
| 275 | from the systematic research of a woman named Carol Rustbolt | 对卡罗尔·拉特博特女士的系统研究 |
| 276 | and another woman named Shirley Glass. | 还有另一个叫雪莉·格拉斯的女人 |
| 277 | And what we've learned is that in relationships | 我们所学到的是,在恋爱中 |
| 278 | there is a turning point, a key turning point. | 有一个转折点,一个关键的转折点。 |
| 279 | When things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利时 |
| 280 | when your partner is hostile or irritable or emotionally distant, | 当你的伴侣充满敌意 或易怒 或感情疏远, |
| 281 | if you really in your own head are cherishing your partner | 如果你真的在自己的脑子里 珍惜你的伴侣 |
| 282 | and nurturing gratitude for what you have and saying, | 感谢你们所说的话, |
| 283 | this is my journey, | 这是我的旅程, |
| 284 | Julie is the love of my life, | 朱莉是我的爱, |
| 285 | and I'm damn lucky to have this person in my life, | 我很幸运能有这个人在我的生活中, |
| 286 | that turning point leads to loyalty. | 转折点导致忠诚。 |
| 287 | On the other hand, betrayal comes from really, | 另一方面,背叛来自真正的, |
| 288 | at that point when things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利的时候 |
| 289 | making negative comparisons between your partner | 在伴侣之间进行负面对比 |
| 290 | and real or imagined alternatives. | 和真实的或想象的替代品。 |
| 291 | Betrayal leads to dissolution very reliably, | 背叛会导致非常可靠的解体, |
| 292 | whereas commitment leads to loyalty. | 而承诺则导致忠诚。 |
| 293 | And then when you have that sense of commitment in a relationship, | 然后,当你有那种 承诺感在一个关系, |
| 294 | both of you have that, | 你们俩都有 |
| 295 | you really have a safe place. | 你真的有一个安全的地方。 |
| 296 | You have that magic. | 你有这种魔法。 |
| 297 | And with over 90% prediction with these basic variables, | 用这些基本变量预测90%以上 |
| 298 | the mechanism by which relationships work, | 关系的运作机制, |
| 299 | trust, physiological calm and commitment, | 信任、生理平静和承诺, |
| 300 | can we actually create a mathematics of love? | 我们真的能创造爱的数学吗? |
| 301 | Now, why would you want to create mathematics and love? | 为什么你想创造数学和爱情? |
| 302 | Why do you want to put math and love together? | 为什么你想把数学和爱情放在一起? |
| 303 | Some people think that's really disgusting. | 有人觉得这很恶心 |
| 304 | Well, if you can create a mathematics, | 如果你能创造出数学 |
| 305 | you really will understand | 你真的会明白的 |
| 306 | not just the static nature of commitment, trust, | 不只是承诺的静态性质,信任, |
| 307 | and physiological calm affecting a relationship | 和生理平静 影响关系 |
| 308 | and creating the magic, | 并创造魔术, |
| 309 | you actually will understand the dynamics of the interaction | 你将会了解互动的动态 |
| 310 | as it unfolds over time. | 随着时间的流逝 |
| 311 | And that's what therapists are working with, right? | 这就是治疗师的工作,对不对? |
| 312 | In their offices, they're looking at how people interact, | 在他们的办公室里 他们正在观察人们如何互动 |
| 313 | and they want to influence the dynamic. | 他们想影响动态 |
| 314 | So we need a dynamic analysis of data over time. | 因此,我们需要对数据进行动态分析。 |
| 315 | What pushes the interaction in one direction versus another? | 是什么把互动推向一个方向? |
| 316 | So because we get data over time, | 所以,因为我们得到的数据 随着时间的推移, |
| 317 | we get behavior, perception, and physiology | 我们得到的行为,感知,和生理学 |
| 318 | all integrated over time, | 随着时间的推移, |
| 319 | very much like that Dow Jones Industrial Average, | 非常像道琼斯工业平均水平, |
| 320 | we could create the Gottman-Murray love equations. | 我们可以创造高特曼 -莫雷的爱情方程式。 |
| 321 | And so James Murray, | 所以詹姆斯・默里, |
| 322 | who is the father of mathematical biology, | 他是数学生物学之父, |
| 323 | and I work together, | 和我一起工作, |
| 324 | and because we're not very intelligent, | 因为我们不太聪明 |
| 325 | it took us 15 years to get these equations. | 我们花了15年才得到这些方程式。 |
| 326 | But when you look at them, you'll see they're obvious. | 但是,当你看着他们,你会看到他们是明显的。 |
| 327 | So what we're trying to do is predict | 所以我们想做的是预测 |
| 328 | what happens at time t plus 1 | 时T加1时会发生什么 |
| 329 | in this graph of the husband's interaction | 在这个丈夫互动图中 |
| 330 | and the wife's interaction. | 和妻子的互动。 |
| 331 | And by the way, this holds for same-sex couple as well. | 顺便说一句,这对同性伴侣来说也是一样。 |
| 332 | We say wife and husband | 我们说妻子和丈夫 |
| 333 | only because it's a little bit more convenient to talk about it. | 只因说得更方便. |
| 334 | But can we go for what's happening in this graph | 但是,我们能去 发生了什么事在这个图表 |
| 335 | of behavior or physiology or perception | 行为或生理或感知 |
| 336 | at one time and predict at a later time? | 在一次, 并预测在以后的时间? |
| 337 | And in fact, we can develop these equations. | 事实上,我们可以开发这些方程式。 |
| 338 | So on the left of the equal sign, | 故在平等迹象的左边, |
| 339 | we see the wife at time t plus 1 in the equation above, | 我们见到妻子的时间T+1以上方程式, |
| 340 | and on the bottom, the husbands. | 在下面,丈夫们。 |
| 341 | So how do we predict what's going to happen next? | 那么我们如何预测接下来会发生什么? |
| 342 | That's what we want to know. | 这就是我们想知道的。 |
| 343 | That's what the therapist wants to know. | 这就是治疗师想知道的。 |
| 344 | Well, we have one parameter, | 我们有一个参数, |
| 345 | and it's denoted A and B, | 它的表示A和B, |
| 346 | and that's the old startup, right? | 这是旧的启动,对不对? |
| 347 | How they start the conversation | 他们是如何开始谈话的 |
| 348 | before they start influencing one another | 在他们开始互相影响之前 |
| 349 | is really critical. | 非常关键 |
| 350 | And so that's the theory, | 这就是理论 |
| 351 | that the way they start up, the way the wife starts up, | 他们开始的方式, 妻子开始的方式, |
| 352 | that one constant is very, very important | 一个常数非常重要 |
| 353 | in predicting what's going to happen next. | 预测接下来会发生什么 |
| 354 | But then there's another parameter, | 但还有另一个参数, |
| 355 | which is R1 and R2, | 这是R1和R2, |
| 356 | and that predicts how much emotional inertia a person has. | 这预示了一个人的情绪惯性 |
| 357 | So some people, when they get angry, | 所以有些人,当他们生气, |
| 358 | boy, they stay angry a long time. | 孩子,他们一直很生气 |
| 359 | It's hard to move them. | 很难移动他们。 |
| 360 | They're kind of like a Mack truck going downhill. | 他们就像一辆下坡的麦克卡车 |
| 361 | And in physics, that's called inertia, right? | 在物理学中,这叫做惯性,对吧? |
| 362 | It takes a lot of energy to move them off course. | 让他们偏离航线需要很多精力. |
| 363 | Other people are more like a feather in the wind. | 其他人更像是风中的羽毛. |
| 364 | They have low inertia, right? | 他们有低惯性,对不对? |
| 365 | Well, they have no stability either. | 嗯,他们也没有稳定。 |
| 366 | So what's the right inertia? | 那么,什么是正确的惯性? |
| 367 | Well, we don't know, but that's another parameter. | 我们不知道 但这是另一个参数 |
| 368 | They're emotional inertia. | 它们是感情上的惯性. |
| 369 | That affects how much influence the partner can have, | 这影响了合作伙伴能够发挥多大影响, |
| 370 | which is our third parameter, the influence function. | 这是第三个参数 影响函数 |
| 371 | So in the wife's equation, there's the husband, | 因此,在妻子的方程式中,有丈夫, |
| 372 | and the husband's equation, there's the wife. | 和丈夫的方程,有妻子。 |
| 373 | Well, we can actually specify with a theory | 我们可以用一个理论来说明 |
| 374 | what that influence function might look like. | 那影响功能可能是什么样子。 |
| 375 | So here's the husband along the horizontal axis, | 所以,这是丈夫沿着水平轴, |
| 376 | and the vertical axis is his influence on the wife. | 垂直轴是他对妻子的影响 |
| 377 | So there are some points, but we need a theory | 所以有一些要点, 但我们需要一个理论 |
| 378 | that helps us find the best fit to the data, right? | 帮助我们找到 最适合的数据,对不对? |
| 379 | So our theory really said, well, maybe it looks like this. | 所以,我们的理论真的说, 也许它看起来像这样。 |
| 380 | There's one part of it when he's being positive, | 当他表现积极时,有一部分 |
| 381 | he's being nice to her. | 他对她很好 |
| 382 | What's the impact of that? | 这有什么影响? |
| 383 | The steepness of the slope tells us what the impact | 山坡的陡峭 告诉我们什么影响 |
| 384 | of positive emotions are, like affection, humor, | 积极的情感就像爱,幽默, |
| 385 | and then the other one is how influential is he | 而另一个是他有多有影响力 |
| 386 | with negativity, with anger, disappointment, | 愤怒和失望 |
| 387 | with hurt feelings, with sadness, | 与伤感,与悲伤, |
| 388 | and that slope gives us our idea of the influence | 那坡度让我们知道影响 |
| 389 | that positive and negative emotions have. | 积极和消极的情绪。 |
| 390 | But then we thought, well, maybe when they get | 但后来我们想 也许当他们得到 |
| 391 | to a certain threshold that we have denoted by K sub r, | 我们用K sub r表示的某一阈值, |
| 392 | maybe what happens is they can repair. | 也许会发生什么 他们可以修复。 |
| 393 | And so that other part of the curve tells us | 所以其他部分的曲线告诉我们 |
| 394 | when does repair cut in and how effective it is. | 修理何时开始,其效果如何。 |
| 395 | And what we discover is that if you repair early | 我们发现的是 如果你能早点修复 |
| 396 | in the conversation, you're much more effective | 在谈话中,你更有效率 |
| 397 | than if you wait, okay? | 比如果你等待,好吗? |
| 398 | That was kind of a surprising finding. | 这是一种令人惊讶的发现。 |
| 399 | And on the other hand, what about positive affect? | 另一方面,积极的影响呢? |
| 400 | Maybe you can amplify or diminish positive affect, | 也许你可以扩大或减少 积极的影响, |
| 401 | and it turns out, yes, you can. | 结果发现,是的,你可以。 |
| 402 | By turning toward your partner, | 通过转向你的伴侣, |
| 403 | when your partner needs your attention or interest, | 当你的伴侣需要你的注意或兴趣时 |
| 404 | the positive affect can be either by turning away, | 积极的影响可以是 要么拒绝, |
| 405 | diminished, or by turning toward amplified. | 减少,或转向扩大。 |
| 406 | So these are the parameters in our theory. | 这就是我们理论中的参数。 |
| 407 | But now we do a very cool thing. | 但现在我们做了一件很酷的事。 |
| 408 | We actually can create a portrait | 我们实际上可以创作一个肖像 |
| 409 | of the couple's interaction, | 夫妻互动, |
| 410 | a dynamic portrait of how it unfolds over time. | 一个动态的肖像 如何在一段时间里展开。 |
| 411 | And what we do is we put the husband's positive | 我们做的是让丈夫肯定 |
| 412 | and negative behavior on the horizontal axis | 和横向轴上的负行为 |
| 413 | and the wife's on the vertical axis. | 妻子在垂直轴上 |
| 414 | Going up is positive, going down is negative. | 上升为阳,下降为阴. |
| 415 | That gives us quadrants, one, two, three, and four. | 这给了我们四倍数,一,二,三,四倍数 |
| 416 | And we can describe that by two bunnies on the beach | 我们可以用海滩上的两只兔子来形容 |
| 417 | in quadrant labeled one, | 以四角为一, |
| 418 | and two bunnies in a storm in quadrant three. | 和两个兔子在暴风雨中 在三象限。 |
| 419 | So we really want our couples to be two bunnies on the beach | 所以我们真的希望我们的夫妇 在海滩上做两个兔子 |
| 420 | rather than two bunnies in a storm. | 而不是两个兔子在风暴中。 |
| 421 | So it gives us a new goal of couples therapy, right? | 因此它给了我们一个新的目标 夫妇治疗,对不对? |
| 422 | All right, so this face-based portrait becomes very clear. | 好吧,所以这张面部肖像变得非常清晰。 |
| 423 | This quadrant one is when they're both positive, | 这个象限是当他们两个都是阳性的, |
| 424 | and we have another quadrant where they're both negative. | 我们有另一个象限,它们都是阴性的。 |
| 425 | So we'd like them to really not spend much time in that quadrant, | 所以我们希望他们不要花太多时间 在象限, |
| 426 | or this quadrant is where one of them is positive | 或这个象限是其中之一是正面的 |
| 427 | and the other is negative. | 而另一个是负面的。 |
| 428 | Although it might be good to be there | 虽然在那里也许很好 |
| 429 | because maybe one counterbalances the other. | 因为也许一个能抵消另一个 |
| 430 | So we don't know yet, so we have those quadrants to look at as well. | 所以我们还不知道,所以我们还有这些四角星要看。 |
| 431 | Okay, there's our relationship phase space. | 好吧,这就是我们的关系阶段空间。 |
| 432 | Now, let's look at an actual conversation | 现在,让我们看看一个真正的谈话 |
| 433 | and see how it unfolds. | 看情况如何 |
| 434 | And there's a dot moving as the couple talks to one another. | 和有点移动 当夫妇谈话到对方。 |
| 435 | This is a real conflict conversation a couple is having. | 这是一个真正的冲突谈话 一对夫妇正在进行。 |
| 436 | And look at that dot moving all over those quadrants in phase space. | 看看那个圆点在相位空间中 到处移动 |
| 437 | So now we see there's a dynamic unfolding, | 所以现在我们看到一个动态的发展, |
| 438 | but it's kind of hard to see that thing jumping all over the place | 但很难看到那东西到处跳 |
| 439 | and know what's good and what's bad. | 而知善恶. |
| 440 | We need the equations, and we need to know what's making that dot move. | 我们需要方程式,我们需要知道 是什么使这个点移动。 |
| 441 | What's actually compelling that dot to move? | 是什么迫使这个点移动? |
| 442 | Is there some attractive force, kind of like gravitation, | 是否有吸引人的力量, 像引力, |
| 443 | is there an attractive force that has maybe the power of Jupiter | 是否有一种吸引人的力量 可能具有木星的力量 |
| 444 | to pull them toward the negative attractor, | 把他们引向消极的吸引者, |
| 445 | in which case the relationship will be in a lot of trouble? | 那样关系会很麻烦吗? |
| 446 | Or is there a positive attractor that puts them in quadrant one | 或有一个正吸引器 把他们放在四角一 |
| 447 | that is powerful, or is it weak, | 是强的,是弱的, |
| 448 | and the therapist really needs to help make that much more powerful? | 治疗师真的需要帮助 使这更强大? |
| 449 | So here's our old friend, the startup. | 所以这是我们的老朋友,启动。 |
| 450 | Now, this couple is starting in a positive place, right? | 现在,这对夫妇开始 一个积极的地方,对不对? |
| 451 | They're in quadrant number one, the positive-positive quadrant. | 它们位于第一象限中,正阳性象限. |
| 452 | And there's a choice here. | 并有选择在这里。 |
| 453 | They either move in that direction toward that star, that blue star, | 他们要么朝那颗恒星方向移动, 蓝星, |
| 454 | which is the attractor in the phase space | 是相位空间的吸引器 |
| 455 | that pulls their interaction toward a positive place, | 把他们的互动拉到一个积极的地方, |
| 456 | especially if it's strong, or they might move the other way. | 特别是如果它很强, 或者它们可能会向另一边移动。 |
| 457 | They might actually cycle around another attractor that's there | 他们可能绕着另一个吸引器转 |
| 458 | that moves them in the negative-negative quadrant, | 使他们在阴性象限中移动, |
| 459 | and that's our bunnies in a storm, and we don't want them there, | 那是暴风雨中的兔子 我们不希望他们在那里, |
| 460 | or we don't want them to spend very much occupation time in that place. | 或者我们不希望他们 花很多时间在那里。 |
| 461 | And the attractors are the forces that make the dot move. | 而吸引者是使点移动的力量. |
| 462 | So we're looking at not just a graph in phase space, | 所以我们在研究的不仅仅是相位空间的图 |
| 463 | but we're looking at a flow diagram, almost like a fluid flowing. | 但是我们看到一个流体图, 几乎像流体。 |
| 464 | And you've seen this kind of phase space diagram with hurricanes. | 你见过这种相位空间图 带有飓风。 |
| 465 | Hurricane Irma, this comes from that hurricane, | 飓风艾玛,这来自飓风 |
| 466 | where the dot is moving, right? | 点在哪里移动,对不对? |
| 467 | And there's a force moving it toward an attractor up there. | 有股力量把它推向上面的吸引器。 |
| 468 | And we can actually do the same thing with a couple's interaction. | 我们也可以用一对夫妇的互动来做同样的事情。 |
| 469 | So, okay, that's a theory for getting a dynamical picture. | 所以,好吧,这是获得动态图片的理论。 |
| 470 | Does it work? | 有用吗? |
| 471 | Well, this is what a stable, unhappy marriage looks like. | 这才是稳定不愉快的婚姻 |
| 472 | Look at all the flows, look at the arrows. | 观一切流,观箭. |
| 473 | And what are they flowing toward? | 他们向什么方向流动? |
| 474 | A negative attractor for our bunnies in a storm, right? | 我们的兔子在暴风雨中的负面吸引器,对吧? |
| 475 | We don't like that. | 我们不喜欢这样 |
| 476 | And, well, what about divorced couples? | 那离婚的夫妇呢? |
| 477 | Well, it turns out with divorced couples, you get this picture. | 离婚的情侣都这样 你懂的 |
| 478 | There are three attractors in that negative-negative quadrant. | 负负四象限中有三个吸引者 |
| 479 | And one is unstable, the one between the two stars, | 一个是不稳定的, 是两星之间的一个, |
| 480 | and the two stars are unstable. | 两颗恒星都是不稳定的。 |
| 481 | So what we get there is turbulence. | 因此,我们得到的是动荡。 |
| 482 | Not only is there flow toward the negative-negative quadrant, | 不仅有流向负四象限, |
| 483 | but a lot of energy is expended as they move from one attractor to the other. | 但是当它们从一个吸引器转移到另一个吸引器时, 消耗了大量的能量。 |
| 484 | And turbulence is probably what predicts divorce | 而动荡可能是 预测离婚 |
| 485 | versus being in a stable, unhappy marriage. | 而不是在稳定,不愉快的婚姻。 |
| 486 | Now, I don't know which is worse, but they are different. | 我不知道哪一种更糟糕,但他们不一样。 |
| 487 | But the real test is what about good relationships, | 但真正的考验是好关系 |
| 488 | happy, stable relationships? | 幸福,稳定的关系? |
| 489 | How do they look? | 他们看起来怎么样? |
| 490 | And it turns out when you put this together with real data, | 当你把这些和真实数据合并起来时 |
| 491 | you get this picture. | 你得到这张照片。 |
| 492 | So, yes, it's true. | 所以,是的,这是真的。 |
| 493 | Happy, stable relationships have a positive attractor. | 快乐,稳定的关系有一个积极的吸引者。 |
| 494 | Very, very simple phase-space diagram. | 非常非常简单的相位图。 |
| 495 | And no matter where they start the conversation, | 不管他们在哪里开始谈话 |
| 496 | where that startup is, they'll go toward a positive place, | 在那里,启动是, 他们会去一个积极的地方, |
| 497 | which is kind of amazing. | 这有点惊人。 |
| 498 | That's the dynamics of a good relationship. | 这就是良好关系的动态. |
| 499 | So we did it. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 500 | We actually were able to describe mathematically the dynamics. | 我们实际上能够用数学来描述这些动态。 |
| 501 | Now, here's another thing you can do with the math. | 现在,还有一件事你可以做 数学。 |
| 502 | With the math, we can simulate any couple under imagined conditions. | 通过数学,我们可以模拟任何夫妇 在想象的条件下。 |
| 503 | In other words, we can do thought experiments. | 换句话说,我们可以做思想实验。 |
| 504 | We can do experiments by changing the parameters. | 我们可以通过改变参数来做实验. |
| 505 | And mathematically, we can select the best intervention | 在数学上,我们可以选择最好的干预 |
| 506 | to help a couple just using math. | 用数学帮助一对夫妇 |
| 507 | So, for example, here's a couple. | 比如说,这是一对夫妇。 |
| 508 | And what you see on the left are these sliders | 你左边看到的是这些滑板 |
| 509 | where we can change every parameter in the math equation. | 我们可以改变数学方程中的每个参数。 |
| 510 | We can change their startup. | 我们可以改变他们的开始。 |
| 511 | We can change their emotional inertia. | 我们可以改变他们的情绪惰性。 |
| 512 | We can change their repair threshold, | 我们可以改变他们的修理门槛 |
| 513 | how much they repair, when they repair. | 他们修理多少,当他们修理。 |
| 514 | And here we see the green lines that show us the influence functions | 在这里我们看到绿线 显示我们的影响功能 |
| 515 | and the arrows that show us the phase-space portrait, the flow. | 以及给我们展示相位画像的箭头 流动 |
| 516 | So let's take a look at an actual couple. | 让我们看看一对真正的夫妇。 |
| 517 | And here we see this couple are two bunnies in a storm. | 在这里,我们看到这对夫妇 是两个兔子在风暴。 |
| 518 | They have that negative attractor. | 他们有负面吸引器。 |
| 519 | And we can actually move the sliders to say, | 而我们实际上可以移动 滑子说, |
| 520 | what would they look like if their startup was just more positive? | 如果他们的启动更积极会是什么样子? |
| 521 | So we move, in this thought experiment, | 因此,我们移动, 在这个思想实验, |
| 522 | we move the couple to a more positive place | 我们把夫妻搬到一个更积极的地方 |
| 523 | by changing those parameters of startup. | 通过改变启动的参数。 |
| 524 | And then we take a look at what the result is of the math. | 然后我们来看看数学的结果。 |
| 525 | And look, they're two bunnies on the beach. | 你看,他们是两个兔子 在海滩上。 |
| 526 | They're in that positive, positive quadrant. | 它们在正向的四角形上 |
| 527 | And then all we need is a technology for changing startup, which we have. | 然后,我们只需要一种技术 来改变我们的启动。 |
| 528 | So we've created the technology for changing these parameters, | 所以我们创造了改变这些参数的技术 |
| 529 | and now the therapist can change their startups. | 现在治疗师可以改变他们的创业者。 |
| 530 | And then they get the magic. | 然后他们得到魔法。 |
| 531 | Research findings are that the magic does require this powerful trio | 研究发现魔法确实需要这个强大的三重奏 |
| 532 | of physiological calm, trust, and commitment, and we know how to build it. | 生动平静,信任和承诺, 我们知道如何建立它。 |
| 533 | So science did it. | 科学做到了。 |
| 534 | When the magic is there, we find that we get that 5 to 1 ratio. | 当魔法到来时,我们发现我们得到了5比1的比例。 |
| 535 | Now we can understand the magic, because with a positive attractor, | 现在我们能理解魔法了 因为有了积极的吸引者 |
| 536 | no matter where the conversation begins, | 不管谈话从哪里开始 |
| 537 | it will be drawn to the positive, positive quadrant. | 它将被引向正角,正角。 |
| 538 | We'll get the 5 to 1 ratio. | 我们会得到5比1的比例。 |
| 539 | Yahoo! | 亚虎! |
| 540 | There's the magic. | 这就是魔力 |
| 541 | So just to summarize, what we've really said is love relationships are important. | 简而言之,我们所说的爱情关系很重要。 |
| 542 | We can assess their strengths and challenges scientifically. | 我们可以科学地评估它们的长处和挑战。 |
| 543 | There is magic in love that lasts forever. | 爱情中有永恒的魔法 |
| 544 | We know that. | 我们知道这一点。 |
| 545 | And the 5 to 1 ratio indexes it. | 而5比1的比例指数。 |
| 546 | We have strong prediction. | 我们有很强的预言 |
| 547 | But we can mathematically model the magic. | 但我们可以在数学上模拟魔法 |
| 548 | The magic requires calm, trust, and commitment. | 魔法需要冷静、信任和承诺。 |
| 549 | And maybe we can help avoid disaster and help couples find their magic, | 也许我们可以帮助避免灾难 并帮助夫妇找到他们的魔法, |
| 550 | which is turning out to be true in randomized clinical trials. | 这在随机临床试验中是真实的 |
| 551 | So perhaps now the magic of great love is a bit less of a mystery. | 所以也许现在伟大的爱的魔力 已经不那么神秘了 |
| 552 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 552 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P2 · 爱的科学【TED演讲】 p02 英文字幕(注释+中文外挂) (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 0:05 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 0:10 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 0:14 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 0:16 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 0:21 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 0:24 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 0:25 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 0:29 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 0:32 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
展开字幕全文（540 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 2 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 3 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 4 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 5 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 6 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 7 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 8 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 9 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 10 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
| 11 | and it shows that great friendships, | 它显示伟大的友谊, |
| 12 | great love relationships between lovers and parents and children | 恋人与父母与孩子的爱情 |
| 13 | lead to greater health, mental health as well as physical health, | 增进健康、精神健康和身体健康, |
| 14 | greater wealth, greater resilience, faster recovery from illness, | 财富增加、复原能力增强、疾病恢复更快 |
| 15 | greater longevity. | 更长寿。 |
| 16 | If you want to live 10 to 15 years longer, | 如果你想再活10到15年的话 |
| 17 | work on your relationships, not just your exercise, | 工作在你们的关系, 不只是你的锻炼, |
| 18 | and more successful children as well. | 以及更成功的孩子们 |
| 19 | So love has a kind of magic. | 故爱有种魔力. |
| 20 | It's able to do amazing things. | 能成就众生不可思议之事. |
| 21 | And one of my favorite films is Sleepless in Seattle | 我最喜欢的电影之一是西雅图的无眠 |
| 22 | with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. | 汤姆・汉克斯和梅格・瑞恩 |
| 23 | And I just want to share with you a quote | 我只想和你们分享一句 |
| 24 | where Tom Hanks is on the radio with the talk show host, Marsha, | 汤姆·汉克斯和脱口秀主持人玛莎在电台里 |
| 25 | and she says to him, | 她对他说, |
| 26 | Sam, tell me what was so special about your wife. | Sam 告诉我 你妻子有什么特别的 |
| 27 | And Tom Hanks, as Sam says, | 汤姆汉克斯,正如山姆所说, |
| 28 | well, how long is your program? | 你的节目要多久? |
| 29 | Oh, well, it was a million tiny little things. | 哦,好吧,这是一百万个小东西。 |
| 30 | We were supposed to be together, and I knew it. | 我们本来应该在一起的 我就知道 |
| 31 | I knew it the very first time I touched her. | 我第一次碰她时就知道了 |
| 32 | It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. | 这就像回家, 只是没有家 我曾经知道。 |
| 33 | It was just taking her hand to help her out of the car. | 它只是拿她的手 帮助她下车。 |
| 34 | And you know, it was like magic. | 你知道,这就像魔法。 |
| 35 | And Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan say the word magic at the same time. | 而汤姆·汉克斯(Tom Hanks)和梅格·瑞安(Meg Ryan)同时说出魔法这个词. |
| 36 | So what about this magic? | 那这个魔法呢? |
| 37 | Can science really help find the magic of love? | 科学真的能帮助找到爱的魔力吗? |
| 38 | Well, the first step is that we needed a lot of data. | 首先我们需要很多数据。 |
| 39 | We needed to basically understand relationships better, | 我们需要更了解关系 |
| 40 | and that's not something I did alone. | 那不是我一个人干的 |
| 41 | In fact, 45 years ago, we built a love lab, | 事实上 45年前 我们建了一个爱情实验室 |
| 42 | and this lab was built in part by a bromance, | 而这个实验室 部分是由一个兄弟建造的, |
| 43 | my best friend Bob Levinson and I created this lab. | 我最好的朋友鲍勃・莱文森和我 创建了这个实验室。 |
| 44 | And Bob and I became good friends, | 鲍勃和我成了好朋友, |
| 45 | and we realized that our relationships with women | 我们意识到我们与女人的关系 |
| 46 | were not going very well. | 进展不大顺利。 |
| 47 | It went from one disaster to another. | 它从一个灾难到另一个灾难。 |
| 48 | So basically two clueless guys got together | 所以基本上两个无知的家伙在一起 |
| 49 | to build this laboratory. | 建造这个实验室 |
| 50 | And then over 30 years ago, | 然后30多年前, |
| 51 | a romance with my wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, | 和我妻子朱莉·施瓦兹·戈特曼博士的浪漫 |
| 52 | and we decided to work together | 我们决定一起工作 |
| 53 | to see whether we could make a difference. | 看看我们能不能有所作为 |
| 54 | So basic research was followed by applied research. | 因此基础研究之后是应用研究. |
| 55 | We used validated questionnaires, | 我们用经过验证的问卷 |
| 56 | online questionnaires that allow us to assess | 在线问卷,使我们能够评估 |
| 57 | the strengths of a relationship | 关系的力量 |
| 58 | in the areas that need improvement. | 在需要改进的领域。 |
| 59 | And we validated these questionnaires | 我们验证了这些问卷 |
| 60 | to make sure that we knew what we were measuring, | 以确保我们知道我们在测量什么, |
| 61 | and we could measure things reliably and accurately. | 我们可以可靠和准确地测量事物。 |
| 62 | So we created this checkup, | 所以我们创造了这个检查, |
| 63 | and over 40,000 couples have taken these questionnaires, | 超过4万对夫妇接受了这些问卷调查, |
| 64 | and we get a green circle for strength, | 我们得到一个绿色的圆圈 力量, |
| 65 | a red box for an area that needs improvement. | 红盒,用于一个需要改进的区域。 |
| 66 | But we get their story of their relationship. | 但我们知道他们的关系 |
| 67 | We ask them about how they met. | 我们问他们是怎么认识的 |
| 68 | We find out the quality of their friendship | 我们找出他们友谊的质量 |
| 69 | and intimacy from this interview. | 还有这次采访的亲密关系 |
| 70 | And we collect physiological measures from them | 我们从他们那里收集生理措施 |
| 71 | as they're talking to one another. | 因为他们在互相交谈 |
| 72 | We're measuring heart rate, blood velocity, | 我们正在测量心率,血液速度, |
| 73 | skin conductance, respiration, | 皮肤运动,呼吸, |
| 74 | a variety of things like that. | 诸如来种种如来. |
| 75 | And we score their emotions second by second | 而我们得分他们的情绪第二 |
| 76 | in this kind of split-screen arrangement | 在这种分屏安排中 |
| 77 | where even though they're facing each other, | 即使他们面对对方 |
| 78 | we can really code facial expressions, voice tone, | 我们真的可以编码面部表情 语音语气 |
| 79 | nonverbal behavior, and verbal behavior | 非口头行为和口头行为 |
| 80 | very accurately and reliably. | 非常准确和可靠 |
| 81 | We have them use a video recall rating dial, | 我们让他们用一个视频召回 评级拨号, |
| 82 | which they just turn from extremely negative | 他们从极端消极的 |
| 83 | to extremely positive as they're watching their videotapes | 在他们看录影带时非常积极 |
| 84 | to get their perception of the interaction as well. | 以获得他们对互动的看法。 |
| 85 | And then we synchronize all of that. | 然后我们同步所有这一切。 |
| 86 | Video, physiology, coded emotion, and perception. | 视频 生理学 编码情感和感知 |
| 87 | And on the left, you see all the physiological measures | 在左边,你可以看到所有的生理测量 |
| 88 | we're collecting and a cursor that moves along. | 我们正在收集 和光标移动。 |
| 89 | In this particular moment, the wife has said something | 在这个特殊的时刻 妻子说了些什么 |
| 90 | that just makes the husband dissolve in hilarity. | 这只会让丈夫变得充满爱意 |
| 91 | And shared humor turns out to be very powerful | 而分享幽默 证明是非常强大的 |
| 92 | in our relationship at reducing physiological arousal. | 在我们的关系 减少生理刺激。 |
| 93 | So what did we find from this laboratory? | 我们从实验室找到什么了? |
| 94 | We got over 90% success in predicting | 我们预测成功90%以上 |
| 95 | either divorce of stability | 或稳定离婚 |
| 96 | or the happiness of relationships that were stable. | 或者是关系稳定的幸福 |
| 97 | And the major impact of that finding was that | 调查结果的主要影响是 |
| 98 | Julian and I didn't get invited out to dinner very often. | 朱利安和我没有经常被邀请出去吃饭 |
| 99 | But the effects replicated six different times | 但效果复制了六个不同的时间 |
| 100 | in six studies that Bob Levinson and I did | 鲍勃·莱文森和我六次研究 |
| 101 | over the whole life course. | 整个人生 |
| 102 | And that's probably the most replicated effect | 这也许是最复制的效果 |
| 103 | in the study of relationships now. | 在研究现在的关系。 |
| 104 | And we're no longer alone. | 我们不再孤单了 |
| 105 | Other labs are getting very similar kinds of results. | 其它实验室也取得了非常相似的结果。 |
| 106 | We followed these couples for as long as 20 years. | 我们跟踪这些夫妇长达20年。 |
| 107 | Straight couples, gay and lesbian couples, newlyweds, | 直系夫妇 同性恋夫妇 新婚夫妇 |
| 108 | middle-aged couples, older couples, | 中年夫妇,年长夫妇, |
| 109 | into their late 80s and 90s. | 进入80年代和90年代 |
| 110 | So what did we find? | 我们发现了什么? |
| 111 | This over 90% prediction. | 这超过90%的预测。 |
| 112 | What predicts? | 什么预言? |
| 113 | And we kind of sit down in our lab and talk to a couple | 我们坐在实验室里和一对夫妇聊天 |
| 114 | about their strengths and areas that need improvement | 关于其长处和需要改进的领域 |
| 115 | based upon this research. | 基于这项研究。 |
| 116 | Well, one thing we do is we create kind of a | 我们做的一件事就是创造出一种 |
| 117 | Dow Jones industrial average of a conversation. | 道琼斯的工业平均谈话 |
| 118 | And by doing that, very much like the Dow Jones, | 通过这样做,非常 像道琼斯, |
| 119 | it's really good if the cumulative positive | 如果累积的正数是好的 |
| 120 | minus negative emotions are going up. | 减负情绪上升。 |
| 121 | In other words, on the left we see a low-risk couple | 换句话说,左边是一对低风险夫妇 |
| 122 | where there really is much more positive than negative | 真正的积极比消极的多 |
| 123 | in general. | 总的来说。 |
| 124 | They go up and down. | 他们上下走。 |
| 125 | And on the right, the high-risk couple, | 右边是高危夫妇 |
| 126 | where basically they go down all along their interaction. | 基本上,他们一直走下去 他们的互动。 |
| 127 | Well, it turns out that one thing we discovered | 原来我们发现了一件事 |
| 128 | was that the way the conversation starts | 对话的开始 |
| 129 | in the first three minutes of a conflict discussion | 在冲突讨论的头三分钟 |
| 130 | will predict 96% of the time | 将预测96%的时间 |
| 131 | whether they're a low-risk couple or a high-risk couple. | 不管是低风险夫妇还是高风险夫妇 |
| 132 | So startup, the way each person starts | 所以,开始,每个人开始的方式 |
| 133 | before they start influencing one another, | 在他们互相影响之前, |
| 134 | is very critical in this prediction. | 在这个预测中非常关键。 |
| 135 | The other thing we learned is something we call | 我们学到的另外一件事 就是我们称之为 |
| 136 | the Roach Hotel model of relationships. | 洛克酒店的关系模式。 |
| 137 | Remember the Roach Hotel? | 还记得Roach酒店吗? |
| 138 | The Roaches check in, but they don't check out. | 蟑螂队报到,但他们不报到. |
| 139 | That's a really good Roach trap. | 这是一个非常好的蟑螂陷阱。 |
| 140 | Well, negative emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, | 负面情绪 愤怒 悲伤 失望 |
| 141 | fear, all of these emotions, the negative emotions, | 恐惧,所有这些情绪,负面情绪, |
| 142 | for unhappy couples become like that Roach Hotel. | 对于不幸福的情侣 变得像蟑螂酒店。 |
| 143 | Once they check in, they don't check out. | 一旦他们报到, 他们不报到。 |
| 144 | It's hard to exit and easy to enter | 很难离开,容易进入 |
| 145 | this negative affect state. | 这个负效应状态。 |
| 146 | And it turned out the balance of positive | 结果是正数的平衡 |
| 147 | and negative emotions is our key index of this magic | 负面情感是我们这个魔法的关键索引 |
| 148 | that Tom Hanks was talking about in Sleepless in Seattle. | 汤姆・汉克斯在西雅图的无眠区谈的 |
| 149 | The balance of positive and negative emotions. | 积极情绪与消极情绪的平衡. |
| 150 | So this ratio of positivity to negativity | 因此,这种否定与否定的比例 |
| 151 | during conflict in unhappy couples, | 在不幸福的夫妻冲突中, |
| 152 | that's why this slide is in red, was 0.8 to 1. | 这就是为什么这个幻灯片是红色的, 是0.8比1. |
| 153 | Just a little bit more negativity than positivity. | 只是有点消极比消极。 |
| 154 | And I was completely wrong. | 我完全错了 |
| 155 | I thought that would be a great relationship. | 我认为这是个伟大的关系。 |
| 156 | In my relationships that had failed, | 在我失败的关系中 |
| 157 | we were much more negative than positive. | 我们的负面程度远胜于正面。 |
| 158 | So I thought if it was balanced, it would be great. | 所以我想如果它是平衡的,这将是伟大的。 |
| 159 | But no, it turned out that actually the balance | 但是没有,结果其实是平衡 |
| 160 | of positive and negative emotions during conflict | 冲突期间的积极和消极情绪 |
| 161 | in relationships that were stable and happy was 5 to 1. | 在稳定与幸福的关系中 5比1 |
| 162 | It was five times as much affection, humor, | 这是五倍的爱,幽默, |
| 163 | interest in one another, excitement, connection, | 对彼此的兴趣,兴奋,连接, |
| 164 | then there was hostility, disappointment, anger, negativity. | 然后出现了敌意 失望 愤怒 消极情绪 |
| 165 | So there really was a balance that was way balanced | 所以,真的有一个平衡 是平衡的方式 |
| 166 | toward positive emotions in happy stable relationships. | 在幸福的稳定关系中走向积极的情感。 |
| 167 | So this 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio | 所以这个5比1正负比 |
| 168 | has become pretty widely known. | 已经变得相当广为人知。 |
| 169 | I left a Starbucks in Seattle recently | 我最近把星巴克留在西雅图了 |
| 170 | and a guy drove by in his pickup truck | 和一个人开车经过他的卡车 |
| 171 | and he rolled down the window and he said, | 他从窗户上滚下来说: |
| 172 | hey, 5 to 1, right? | 嘿,5比1,对吗? |
| 173 | I said, right. | 我说的没错 |
| 174 | So we both gave us the thumbs up sign. | 所以我们都给了我们拇指的标志。 |
| 175 | So that's our index of the magic. | 这就是我们的魔法索引。 |
| 176 | But then we thought, okay, you have an index, | 但后来我们想,好吧,你有一个索引, |
| 177 | but how do you change that index? | 但你如何改变指数? |
| 178 | What do you need to really make a difference? | 你要做什么才能真正改变? |
| 179 | And so our hypothesis was that you needed three things, | 所以我们的假设是 你需要三件事 |
| 180 | physiological calm and trust and commitment. | 生理平静,信任和承诺。 |
| 181 | So what about those things? | 那那些东西呢? |
| 182 | Can we actually measure those in our laboratory | 我们能在实验室里测量一下吗? |
| 183 | and can we actually make a difference? | 我们真的能有所作为吗? |
| 184 | And is this right? | 是这样吗? |
| 185 | Well, the first one, physiological calm, | 第一个 生理平静 |
| 186 | was kind of a balance in physiology. | 在生理学上是一种平衡 |
| 187 | The couples whose heart rates were lower, | 那些心率较低的夫妇, |
| 188 | whose blood was flowing less rapidly, | 他的血流得不快, |
| 189 | who weren't sweating as much, | 他没有出汗那么多, |
| 190 | those people actually seemed kind of boring, | 那些人似乎有点无聊 |
| 191 | but they had great relationships. | 但他们的关系很好 |
| 192 | They were gentle with one another, not hostile. | 他们彼此温柔,没有敌意 |
| 193 | They reassured one another. | 他们互相安慰 |
| 194 | Very interesting balance in physiology | 生理学上非常有趣的平衡 |
| 195 | created by their behavior. | 他们的行为创造了。 |
| 196 | And by the way, we found we have to measure these things. | 顺便说一句,我们发现我们必须测量这些东西。 |
| 197 | So I have a pulse oximeter right here, | 因此,我有一个脉冲氧度计就在这里, |
| 198 | and it allows me when I press the button | 它允许我按下按钮 |
| 199 | to really find out what my heart rate is | 真正发现我的心率是什么 |
| 200 | and what the percent oxygen is. | 还有氧气的百分率 |
| 201 | And right now my heart rate is 110 beats a minute, | 现在我的心跳速度是每分钟110次 |
| 202 | and my percent oxygen is 92%. | 我百分之九十二的氧气 |
| 203 | So that sucks. | 所以这很烂。 |
| 204 | I'm highly aroused physiologically. | 我生理上很兴奋 |
| 205 | So you can't tell what's going on physiologically | 所以你无法从生理上看清发生了什么 |
| 206 | with somebody by looking at them. | 和别人一起看着他们 |
| 207 | You have to actually measure it. | 你必须实际测量它。 |
| 208 | And we have to build physiological calm in a couple. | 我们必须在一对夫妇中建立生理平静。 |
| 209 | Now why? | 为什么? |
| 210 | Why is that so important? | 为什么这么重要? |
| 211 | Well, it turns out that when people are calm, | 事实证明,当人们冷静下来, |
| 212 | they can take in information. | 他们可以接受信息。 |
| 213 | They can listen. | 他们可以听。 |
| 214 | They can be empathetic. | 他们可以感到同情。 |
| 215 | They have access to their sense of humor. | 他们有幽默感 |
| 216 | That's very important. | 这很重要 |
| 217 | But when they're flooded, | 但当它们被淹没时, |
| 218 | when there's a diffuse activation | 当有扩散激活时 |
| 219 | of various parts of the autonomic nervous system, | 自动神经系统的各个部分, |
| 220 | they're much more likely to be in attack or defend mode. | 他们更有可能处于攻击或防御模式。 |
| 221 | So if a therapist doesn't know what's going on physiologically | 所以如果心理医生不知道 生理上发生了什么 |
| 222 | and says, can you summarize what your wife just said, | 并说,你能总结 你的妻子刚才说, |
| 223 | summarize what your husband just says, | 总结一下你丈夫刚才说的话 |
| 224 | can you validate and be empathetic? | 你能验证和同情吗? |
| 225 | They can't do it if they're physiologically aroused. | 他们不能这样做 如果他们的生理激发。 |
| 226 | So the therapist actually has to know that | 所以治疗师必须知道 |
| 227 | to help them calm down. | 帮助他们冷静下来。 |
| 228 | So physiological calm is good. | 所以生理平静是好的。 |
| 229 | That's what we learned. | 这就是我们学到的。 |
| 230 | So part of that trio of variables, | 所以这三重变量的一部分, |
| 231 | we know we have validation that that's important. | 我们知道这很重要 |
| 232 | But the magic also comes, we hypothesize, | 但魔法也来了,我们假设, |
| 233 | from building trust. | 从建立信任。 |
| 234 | So what's trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 235 | It's something that people talk about, | 这是人们谈论的东西, |
| 236 | but can you measure it? | 但你能测量它吗? |
| 237 | And it turns out we can measure it reliably and validly. | 结果我们可以可靠和有效地测量它。 |
| 238 | And a trusting relationship, | 和信任的关系, |
| 239 | a mutually trusting relationship, | 一个相互信任的关系, |
| 240 | really leads to intimacy and great sex. | 真正导致亲密和伟大的性爱。 |
| 241 | A distrusting relationship leads to loneliness. | 不信任的关系导致孤独. |
| 242 | And guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 243 | The major reason people have affairs | 人有私事的主要原因 |
| 244 | is not because of sex or desire, | 不是因为性或欲望, |
| 245 | it's because they're lonely | 因为他们很寂寞 |
| 246 | and they have found somebody who finds them interesting | 他们发现有人觉得他们很有趣 |
| 247 | and wants to talk to them in the context of a relationship | 并想和他们谈谈 在关系的背景 |
| 248 | that really isn't working very well. | 这真的不是很好工作。 |
| 249 | So what is trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 250 | How do we define it? | 我们如何定义它? |
| 251 | How do we measure it? | 我们如何衡量它? |
| 252 | And here we use mathematics, | 在这里,我们使用数学, |
| 253 | the mathematics of game theory, | 游戏理论的数学, |
| 254 | and we can actually measure this idea | 我们实际上可以测量这个想法 |
| 255 | that mutual trust comes from when both partners | 相互信任来自双方 |
| 256 | are maximizing the benefits of both people, | 使双方的利益最大化, |
| 257 | not just one person's benefit against the other person. | 不只是一个人对另一个人的利益。 |
| 258 | So I'm always thinking about, | 所以我总是在想, |
| 259 | how does my wife see things? | 我妻子怎么看东西? |
| 260 | I can walk into a kitchen now after 30 years of marriage | 结婚30年以后 我可以走进厨房 |
| 261 | and view that kitchen the way my wife would view it. | 看着厨房,就像我妻子那样 |
| 262 | So I can say, | 所以我可以说, |
| 263 | Julie would be upset by that. | 朱莉会很生气的 |
| 264 | So I'll clean it up, | 所以我会清理它, |
| 265 | and now I know when she comes in | 现在我知道她什么时候进来了 |
| 266 | she's not going to notice anything that's really disgusting. | 她不会注意到什么是真正的恶心。 |
| 267 | I'm more of a slob, so for me it was fine. | 我比较笨 所以对我来说还不错 |
| 268 | But people who develop mutual trust | 但培养相互信任的人 |
| 269 | really always have their partners in their heads, | 总是有他们的伙伴在他们的头上, |
| 270 | not just themselves, | 不只是他们自己, |
| 271 | and they're thinking about both of them. | 他们都在考虑他们俩 |
| 272 | But the magic also comes from building commitment. | 但魔法也来自于建立承诺. |
| 273 | So what does this mean? | 这是什么意思? |
| 274 | Well, we've learned a lot about commitment | 我们学到了很多关于承诺的知识 |
| 275 | from the systematic research of a woman named Carol Rustbolt | 对卡罗尔·拉特博特女士的系统研究 |
| 276 | and another woman named Shirley Glass. | 还有另一个叫雪莉·格拉斯的女人 |
| 277 | And what we've learned is that in relationships | 我们所学到的是,在恋爱中 |
| 278 | there is a turning point, a key turning point. | 有一个转折点,一个关键的转折点。 |
| 279 | When things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利时 |
| 280 | when your partner is hostile or irritable or emotionally distant, | 当你的伴侣充满敌意 或易怒 或感情疏远, |
| 281 | if you really in your own head are cherishing your partner | 如果你真的在自己的脑子里 珍惜你的伴侣 |
| 282 | and nurturing gratitude for what you have and saying, | 感谢你们所说的话, |
| 283 | this is my journey, | 这是我的旅程, |
| 284 | Julie is the love of my life, | 朱莉是我的爱, |
| 285 | and I'm damn lucky to have this person in my life, | 我很幸运能有这个人在我的生活中, |
| 286 | that turning point leads to loyalty. | 转折点导致忠诚。 |
| 287 | On the other hand, betrayal comes from really, | 另一方面,背叛来自真正的, |
| 288 | at that point when things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利的时候 |
| 289 | making negative comparisons between your partner | 在伴侣之间进行负面对比 |
| 290 | and real or imagined alternatives. | 和真实的或想象的替代品。 |
| 291 | Betrayal leads to dissolution very reliably, | 背叛会导致非常可靠的解体, |
| 292 | whereas commitment leads to loyalty. | 而承诺则导致忠诚。 |
| 293 | And then when you have that sense of commitment in a relationship, | 然后,当你有那种 承诺感在一个关系, |
| 294 | both of you have that, | 你们俩都有 |
| 295 | you really have a safe place, you have that magic. | 你确实有一个安全的地方, 你有那个魔法。 |
| 296 | And with over 90% prediction with these basic variables, | 用这些基本变量预测90%以上 |
| 297 | the mechanism by which relationships work, | 关系的运作机制, |
| 298 | trust, physiological calm and commitment, | 信任、生理平静和承诺, |
| 299 | can we actually create a mathematics of love? | 我们真的能创造爱的数学吗? |
| 300 | Now, why would you want to create mathematics and love? | 为什么你想创造数学和爱情? |
| 301 | Why do you want to put math and love together? | 为什么你想把数学和爱情放在一起? |
| 302 | Some people think that's really disgusting. | 有人觉得这很恶心 |
| 303 | Well, if you can create a mathematics, | 如果你能创造出数学 |
| 304 | you really will understand not just the static nature | 你真的会明白 不只是静态 |
| 305 | of commitment trust and physiological calm | 承诺的信任和生理平静 |
| 306 | affecting a relationship and creating the magic, | 影响一种关系,创造魔术, |
| 307 | you actually will understand the dynamics of the interaction | 你将会了解互动的动态 |
| 308 | as it unfolds over time. | 随着时间的流逝 |
| 309 | And that's what therapists are working with, right? | 这就是治疗师的工作,对不对? |
| 310 | In their offices, they're looking at how people interact | 在办公室里,他们正在观察人们如何互动 |
| 311 | and they want to influence the dynamic. | 他们想影响动态 |
| 312 | So we need a dynamic analysis of data over time. | 因此,我们需要对数据进行动态分析。 |
| 313 | What pushes the interaction in one direction versus another? | 是什么把互动推向一个方向? |
| 314 | So because we get data over time, | 所以,因为我们得到的数据 随着时间的推移, |
| 315 | we get behavior, perception, and physiology all integrated over time, | 我们得到了行为,感知, 和生理学的所有整合 随着时间的推移, |
| 316 | very much like that Dow Jones Industrial Average, | 非常像道琼斯工业平均水平, |
| 317 | we could create the Gottman-Murray love equations. | 我们可以创造高特曼 -莫雷的爱情方程式。 |
| 318 | 所以James Murray是数学生物学家 | |
| 319 | and I work together, | 和我一起工作, |
| 320 | and because we're not very intelligent, | 因为我们不太聪明 |
| 321 | it took us 15 years to get these equations. | 我们花了15年才得到这些方程式。 |
| 322 | But when you look at them, you'll see they're obvious. | 但是,当你看着他们,你会看到他们是明显的。 |
| 323 | So what we're trying to do is predict what happens at time t plus 1 | 因此,我们试图做的是预测 会发生什么 在时间T+1 |
| 324 | in this graph of the husband's interaction and the wife's interaction. | 丈夫和妻子的交往 |
| 325 | And by the way, this holds for same-sex couple as well. | 顺便说一句,这对同性伴侣来说也是一样。 |
| 326 | We say wife and husband, | 我们说妻子和丈夫 |
| 327 | only because it's a little bit more convenient to talk about it. | 只因说得更方便. |
| 328 | But can we go for what's happening in this graph of behavior or physiology | 但是,我们可以去 发生在这个 行为或生理学图表 |
| 329 | or perception at one time and predict at a later time? | 或者一次感知 稍后再预测 |
| 330 | And in fact, we can develop these equations. | 事实上,我们可以开发这些方程式。 |
| 331 | So on the left of the equal sign, | 故在平等迹象的左边, |
| 332 | we see the wife at time t plus 1 in the equation above, | 我们见到妻子的时间T+1以上方程式, |
| 333 | and on the bottom, the husbands. | 在下面,丈夫们。 |
| 334 | So how do we predict what's going to happen next? | 那么我们如何预测接下来会发生什么? |
| 335 | That's what we want to know. | 这就是我们想知道的。 |
| 336 | That's what the therapist wants to know. | 这就是治疗师想知道的。 |
| 337 | Well, we have one parameter, and it's denoted A and B, | 我们有一个参数 表示A和B |
| 338 | and that's the old startup, right? | 这是旧的启动,对不对? |
| 339 | How they start the conversation before they start influencing one another | 他们如何开始对话 在他们开始互相影响之前 |
| 340 | is really critical. | 非常关键 |
| 341 | And so that's the theory that the way they start up, | 因此,这就是理论 他们开始的方式, |
| 342 | the way the wife starts up, that one constant is very, very important | 妻子的开始, 一个常数是非常,非常重要的 |
| 343 | in predicting what's going to happen next. | 预测接下来会发生什么 |
| 344 | But then there's another parameter, which is R1 and R2, | 但还有另一个参数,即R1和R2, |
| 345 | and that predicts how much emotional inertia a person has. | 这预示了一个人的情绪惯性 |
| 346 | So some people, when they get angry, boy, they stay angry a long time. | 所以,有些人,当他们生气,男孩, 他们保持愤怒很长一段时间。 |
| 347 | It's hard to move them. | 很难移动他们。 |
| 348 | They're kind of like a Mack truck going downhill. | 他们就像一辆下坡的麦克卡车 |
| 349 | And in physics, that's called inertia, right? | 在物理学中,这叫做惯性,对吧? |
| 350 | It takes a lot of energy to move them off course. | 让他们偏离航线需要很多精力. |
| 351 | Other people are more like a feather in the wind. | 其他人更像是风中的羽毛. |
| 352 | They have low inertia, right? | 他们有低惯性,对不对? |
| 353 | Well, they have no stability either. | 嗯,他们也没有稳定。 |
| 354 | So what's the right inertia? | 那么,什么是正确的惯性? |
| 355 | Well, we don't know, but that's another parameter, | 嗯,我们不知道, 但这是另一个参数, |
| 356 | their emotional inertia. | 他们的情绪惯性。 |
| 357 | That affects how much influence the partner can have, | 这影响了合作伙伴能够发挥多大影响, |
| 358 | which is our third parameter, the influence function. | 这是第三个参数 影响函数 |
| 359 | So in the wife's equation, there's the husband, | 因此,在妻子的方程式中,有丈夫, |
| 360 | and the husband's equation, there's the wife. | 和丈夫的方程,有妻子。 |
| 361 | Well, we can actually specify with a theory | 我们可以用一个理论来说明 |
| 362 | what that influence function might look like. | 那影响功能可能是什么样子。 |
| 363 | So here's the husband along the horizontal axis, | 所以,这是丈夫沿着水平轴, |
| 364 | and the vertical axis is his influence on the wife. | 垂直轴是他对妻子的影响 |
| 365 | So there are some points, but we need a theory | 所以有一些要点, 但我们需要一个理论 |
| 366 | that helps us find the best fit to the data, right? | 帮助我们找到 最适合的数据,对不对? |
| 367 | So our theory really said, well, maybe it looks like this. | 所以,我们的理论真的说, 也许它看起来像这样。 |
| 368 | There's one part of it when he's being positive, | 当他表现积极时,有一部分 |
| 369 | he's being nice to her. | 他对她很好 |
| 370 | What's the impact of that? | 这有什么影响? |
| 371 | The steepness of the slope tells us what the impact | 山坡的陡峭 告诉我们什么影响 |
| 372 | of positive emotions are, like affection, humor. | 积极的情感就像爱,幽默 |
| 373 | And then the other one is how influential is he | 然后另一个是他有多有影响力 |
| 374 | with negativity, with anger, disappointment, | 愤怒和失望 |
| 375 | with hurt feelings, with sadness, | 与伤感,与悲伤, |
| 376 | and that slope gives us our idea of the influence | 那坡度让我们知道影响 |
| 377 | that positive and negative emotions have. | 积极和消极的情绪。 |
| 378 | But then we thought, well, maybe when they get | 但后来我们想 也许当他们得到 |
| 379 | to a certain threshold that we have denoted by K sub r, | 我们用K sub r表示的某一阈值, |
| 380 | maybe what happens is they can repair. | 也许会发生什么 他们可以修复。 |
| 381 | And so that other part of the curve tells us | 所以其他部分的曲线告诉我们 |
| 382 | when does repair cut in and how effective it is. | 修理何时开始,其效果如何。 |
| 383 | And what we discover is that if you repair early | 我们发现的是 如果你能早点修复 |
| 384 | in the conversation, you're much more effective | 在谈话中,你更有效率 |
| 385 | than if you wait, okay? | 比如果你等待,好吗? |
| 386 | That was kind of a surprising finding. | 这是一种令人惊讶的发现。 |
| 387 | And on the other hand, what about positive affect? | 另一方面,积极的影响呢? |
| 388 | Maybe you can amplify or diminish positive affect, | 也许你可以扩大或减少 积极的影响, |
| 389 | and it turns out, yes, you can. | 结果发现,是的,你可以。 |
| 390 | By turning toward your partner, | 通过转向你的伴侣, |
| 391 | when your partner needs your attention or interest, | 当你的伴侣需要你的注意或兴趣时 |
| 392 | the positive affect can be either by turning away, | 积极的影响可以是 要么拒绝, |
| 393 | diminished, or by turning toward amplified. | 减少,或转向扩大。 |
| 394 | So these are the parameters in our theory. | 这就是我们理论中的参数。 |
| 395 | But now we do a very cool thing. | 但现在我们做了一件很酷的事。 |
| 396 | We actually can create a portrait | 我们实际上可以创作一个肖像 |
| 397 | of the couple's interaction, | 夫妻互动, |
| 398 | a dynamic portrait of how it unfolds over time. | 一个动态的肖像 如何在一段时间里展开。 |
| 399 | And what we do is we put the husband's positive | 我们做的是让丈夫肯定 |
| 400 | and negative behavior on the horizontal axis | 和横向轴上的负行为 |
| 401 | and the wife's on the vertical axis. | 妻子在垂直轴上 |
| 402 | Going up is positive, going down is negative. | 上升为阳,下降为阴. |
| 403 | That gives us quadrants, one, two, three, and four. | 这给了我们四倍数,一,二,三,四倍数 |
| 404 | And we can describe that by two bunnies on the beach | 我们可以用海滩上的两只兔子来形容 |
| 405 | in quadrant labeled one, | 以四角为一, |
| 406 | and two bunnies in a storm in quadrant three. | 和两个兔子在暴风雨中 在三象限。 |
| 407 | So we really want our couples to be two bunnies on the beach | 所以我们真的希望我们的夫妇 在海滩上做两个兔子 |
| 408 | rather than two bunnies in a storm. | 而不是两个兔子在风暴中。 |
| 409 | So it gives us a new goal of couples therapy, right? | 因此它给了我们一个新的目标 夫妇治疗,对不对? |
| 410 | All right, so this face-based portrait becomes very clear. | 好吧,所以这张面部肖像变得非常清晰。 |
| 411 | This quadrant one is when they're both positive, | 这个象限是当他们两个都是阳性的, |
| 412 | and we have another quadrant where they're both negative. | 我们有另一个象限,它们都是阴性的。 |
| 413 | So we'd like them to really not spend much time in that quadrant, | 所以我们希望他们不要花太多时间 在象限, |
| 414 | or this quadrant is where one of them is positive | 或这个象限是其中之一是正面的 |
| 415 | and the other is negative. | 而另一个是负面的。 |
| 416 | Although it might be good to be there | 虽然在那里也许很好 |
| 417 | because maybe one counterbalances the other. | 因为也许一个能抵消另一个 |
| 418 | So we don't know yet, so we have those quadrants to look at as well. | 所以我们还不知道,所以我们还有这些四角星要看。 |
| 419 | Okay, there's our relationship phase space. | 好吧,这就是我们的关系阶段空间。 |
| 420 | Now, let's look at an actual conversation | 现在,让我们看看一个真正的谈话 |
| 421 | and see how it unfolds. | 看情况如何 |
| 422 | And there's a dot moving as the couple talks to one another. | 和有点移动 当夫妇谈话到对方。 |
| 423 | This is a real conflict conversation a couple is having. | 这是一个真正的冲突谈话 一对夫妇正在进行。 |
| 424 | And look at that dot moving all over those quadrants in phase space. | 看看那个圆点在相位空间中 到处移动 |
| 425 | So now we see there's a dynamic unfolding, | 所以现在我们看到一个动态的发展, |
| 426 | but it's kind of hard to see that thing jumping all over the place | 但很难看到那东西到处跳 |
| 427 | and know what's good and what's bad. | 而知善恶. |
| 428 | We need the equations, and we need to know what's making that dot move. | 我们需要方程式,我们需要知道 是什么使这个点移动。 |
| 429 | What's actually compelling that dot to move? | 是什么迫使这个点移动? |
| 430 | Is there some attractive force, kind of like gravitation, | 是否有吸引人的力量, 像引力, |
| 431 | is there an attractive force that has maybe the power of Jupiter | 是否有一种吸引人的力量 可能具有木星的力量 |
| 432 | to pull them toward the negative attractor, | 把他们引向消极的吸引者, |
| 433 | in which case the relationship will be in a lot of trouble? | 那样关系会很麻烦吗? |
| 434 | Or is there a positive attractor that puts them in quadrant one | 或有一个正吸引器 把他们放在四角一 |
| 435 | that is powerful, or is it weak, | 是强的,是弱的, |
| 436 | and the therapist really needs to help make that much more powerful? | 治疗师真的需要帮助 使这更强大? |
| 437 | So here's our old friend, the startup. | 所以这是我们的老朋友,启动。 |
| 438 | Now, this couple is starting in a positive place, right? | 现在,这对夫妇开始 一个积极的地方,对不对? |
| 439 | They're in quadrant number one, the positive-positive quadrant. | 它们位于第一象限中,正阳性象限. |
| 440 | And there's a choice here. | 并有选择在这里。 |
| 441 | They either move in that direction toward that star, that blue star, | 他们要么朝那颗恒星方向移动, 蓝星, |
| 442 | which is the attractor in the phase space | 是相位空间的吸引器 |
| 443 | that pulls their interaction toward a positive place, | 把他们的互动拉到一个积极的地方, |
| 444 | especially if it's strong, or they might move the other way. | 特别是如果它很强, 或者它们可能会向另一边移动。 |
| 445 | They might actually cycle around another attractor that's there | 他们可能绕着另一个吸引器转 |
| 446 | that moves them in the negative-negative quadrant, | 使他们在阴性象限中移动, |
| 447 | and that's our bunnies in a storm, and we don't want them there, | 那是暴风雨中的兔子 我们不希望他们在那里, |
| 448 | or we don't want them to spend very much occupation time in that place. | 或者我们不希望他们 花很多时间在那里。 |
| 449 | And the attractors are the forces that make the dot move. | 而吸引者是使点移动的力量. |
| 450 | So we're looking at not just a graph in phase space, | 所以我们在研究的不仅仅是相位空间的图 |
| 451 | but we're looking at a flow diagram, almost like a fluid flowing. | 但是我们看到一个流体图, 几乎像流体。 |
| 452 | And you've seen this kind of phase space diagram with hurricanes. | 你见过这种相位空间图 带有飓风。 |
| 453 | Hurricane Irma, this comes from that hurricane, | 飓风艾玛,这来自飓风 |
| 454 | where the dot is moving, right? | 点在哪里移动,对不对? |
| 455 | And there's a force moving it toward an attractor up there. | 有股力量把它推向上面的吸引器。 |
| 456 | And we can actually do the same thing with a couple's interaction. | 我们也可以用一对夫妇的互动来做同样的事情。 |
| 457 | So, okay, that's a theory for getting a dynamical picture. | 所以,好吧,这是获得动态图片的理论。 |
| 458 | Does it work? | 有用吗? |
| 459 | Well, this is what a stable, unhappy marriage looks like. | 这才是稳定不愉快的婚姻 |
| 460 | Look at all the flows, look at the arrows. | 观一切流,观箭. |
| 461 | And what are they flowing toward? | 他们向什么方向流动? |
| 462 | A negative attractor for our bunnies in a storm, right? | 我们的兔子在暴风雨中的负面吸引器,对吧? |
| 463 | We don't like that. | 我们不喜欢这样 |
| 464 | And, well, what about divorced couples? | 那离婚的夫妇呢? |
| 465 | Well, it turns out with divorced couples you get this picture. | 离婚的情侣会得到这张照片 |
| 466 | There are three attractors in that negative-negative quadrant. | 负负四象限中有三个吸引者 |
| 467 | And one is unstable, the one between the two stars, | 一个是不稳定的, 是两星之间的一个, |
| 468 | and the two stars are unstable. | 两颗恒星都是不稳定的。 |
| 469 | So what we get there is turbulence. | 因此,我们得到的是动荡。 |
| 470 | Not only is there flow toward the negative-negative quadrant, | 不仅有流向负四象限, |
| 471 | but a lot of energy is expended as they move from one attractor to the other. | 但是当它们从一个吸引器转移到另一个吸引器时, 消耗了大量的能量。 |
| 472 | A turbulence is probably what predicts divorce | 乱流可能是离婚的预兆 |
| 473 | versus being in a stable, unhappy marriage. | 而不是在稳定,不愉快的婚姻。 |
| 474 | Now, I don't know which is worse, but they are different. | 我不知道哪一种更糟糕,但他们不一样。 |
| 475 | But the real test is what about good relationships, | 但真正的考验是好关系 |
| 476 | happy, stable relationships? | 幸福,稳定的关系? |
| 477 | How do they look? | 他们看起来怎么样? |
| 478 | And it turns out when you put this together with real data, | 当你把这些和真实数据合并起来时 |
| 479 | you get this picture. | 你得到这张照片。 |
| 480 | So, yes, it's true. | 所以,是的,这是真的。 |
| 481 | Happy, stable relationships have a positive attractor. | 快乐,稳定的关系有一个积极的吸引者。 |
| 482 | Very, very simple phase-space diagram. | 非常非常简单的相位图。 |
| 483 | And no matter where they start the conversation, | 不管他们在哪里开始谈话 |
| 484 | where that startup is, they'll go toward a positive place, | 在那里,启动是, 他们会去一个积极的地方, |
| 485 | which is kind of amazing. | 这有点惊人。 |
| 486 | That's the dynamics of a good relationship. | 这就是良好关系的动态. |
| 487 | So we did it. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 488 | We actually were able to describe mathematically the dynamics. | 我们实际上能够用数学来描述这些动态。 |
| 489 | Now, here's another thing you can do with the math. | 现在,还有一件事你可以做 数学。 |
| 490 | With the math we can simulate any couple under imagined conditions. | 用数学,我们可以模拟任何夫妇 在想象的条件下。 |
| 491 | In other words, we can do thought experiments. | 换句话说,我们可以做思想实验。 |
| 492 | We can do experiments by changing the parameters, | 我们可以通过改变参数进行实验, |
| 493 | and mathematically we can select the best intervention | 在数学上我们可以选择最好的干预 |
| 494 | to help a couple just using math. | 用数学帮助一对夫妇 |
| 495 | So, for example, here's a couple, | 比如说,这里有一对夫妇 |
| 496 | and what you see on the left are these sliders | 你们在左边所看见的,就是这些滑轮, |
| 497 | where we can change every parameter in the math equation. | 我们可以改变数学方程中的每个参数。 |
| 498 | We can change their startup. | 我们可以改变他们的开始。 |
| 499 | We can change their emotional inertia. | 我们可以改变他们的情绪惰性。 |
| 500 | We can change their repair threshold, | 我们可以改变他们的修理门槛 |
| 501 | how much they repair, when they repair. | 他们修理多少,当他们修理。 |
| 502 | And here we see the green lines that show us the influence functions | 在这里我们看到绿线 显示我们的影响功能 |
| 503 | and the arrows that show us the phase-space portrait, the flow. | 以及给我们展示相位画像的箭头 流动 |
| 504 | So let's take a look at an actual couple. | 让我们看看一对真正的夫妇。 |
| 505 | And here we see this couple are two bunnies in a storm. | 在这里,我们看到这对夫妇 是两个兔子在风暴。 |
| 506 | They have that negative attractor. | 他们有负面吸引器。 |
| 507 | And we can actually move the sliders to say, | 而我们实际上可以移动 滑子说, |
| 508 | what would they look like if their startup was just more positive? | 如果他们的启动更积极会是什么样子? |
| 509 | So we move, in this thought experiment, | 因此,我们移动, 在这个思想实验, |
| 510 | we move the couple to a more positive place | 我们把夫妻搬到一个更积极的地方 |
| 511 | by changing those parameters of startup, | 通过改变启动的参数, |
| 512 | and then we take a look at what the result is of the math. | 然后我们看看数学的结果 |
| 513 | And look, they're two bunnies on the beach. | 你看,他们是两个兔子 在海滩上。 |
| 514 | They're in that positive, positive quadrant. | 它们在正向的四角形上 |
| 515 | And then all we need is a technology for changing startup, which we have. | 然后,我们只需要一种技术 来改变我们的启动。 |
| 516 | So we've created the technology for changing these parameters, | 所以我们创造了改变这些参数的技术 |
| 517 | and now the therapists can change their startups. | 而现在的治疗师 可以改变他们的初创企业。 |
| 518 | And then they get the magic. | 然后他们得到魔法。 |
| 519 | Research findings are that the magic does require this powerful trio | 研究发现魔法确实需要这个强大的三重奏 |
| 520 | of physiological calm, trust, and commitment, | 生动平静、信任和承诺, |
| 521 | and we know how to build it. | 而且我们知道如何建造它。 |
| 522 | So science did it. | 科学做到了。 |
| 523 | When the magic is there, we find that we get that five-to-one ratio. | 当魔力到来时,我们发现 我们得到了5比1的比例。 |
| 524 | Now we can understand the magic, because we're the positive attractor | 现在我们可以理解魔法了,因为我们是积极的吸引者 |
| 525 | No matter where the conversation begins, | 不管谈话从哪里开始 |
| 526 | it will be drawn to the positive quadrant. | 它将被引向正象限。 |
| 527 | We'll get the five-to-one ratio. | 获得五比一比分. |
| 528 | Yahoo, there's the magic. | 雅虎,魔法来了 |
| 529 | So just to summarize, what we really said is love relationships are important. | 简而言之,我们所说的爱情关系很重要。 |
| 530 | We can assess their strengths and challenges scientifically. | 我们可以科学地评估它们的长处和挑战。 |
| 531 | There is magic in love that lasts forever. | 爱情中有永恒的魔法 |
| 532 | We know that. | 我们知道这一点。 |
| 533 | And the five-to-one ratio indexes it. | 而五比一的比例 指数它。 |
| 534 | We have strong prediction. | 我们有很强的预言 |
| 535 | But we can mathematically model the magic. | 但我们可以在数学上模拟魔法 |
| 536 | The magic requires calm, trust, and commitment. | 魔法需要冷静、信任和承诺。 |
| 537 | And maybe we can help avoid disaster and help couples find their magic, | 也许我们可以帮助避免灾难 并帮助夫妇找到他们的魔法, |
| 538 | which is turning out to be true in randomized clinical trials. | 这在随机临床试验中是真实的 |
| 539 | So perhaps now the magic of great love is a bit less of a mystery. | 所以也许现在伟大的爱的魔力 已经不那么神秘了 |
| 540 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 540 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P3 · 爱的科学【TED演讲】 p03 无字幕(中英外挂) (P3)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 0:05 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 0:10 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 0:14 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 0:16 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 0:21 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 0:24 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 0:25 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 0:29 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 0:32 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
展开字幕全文（552 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | So this has been what I've dedicated my life to. | 这就是我毕生致力于的 |
| 2 | There are 900,000 divorces in the United States of America every year. | 美国每年有90万离婚. |
| 3 | Fewer than 10% of them ever talk to anybody about their relationship. | 他们当中只有不到10%的人 曾跟任何人谈论过他们的关系 |
| 4 | So why would you need a science? | 那你为什么需要科学? |
| 5 | Well, we need a science to develop effective treatment | 我们需要科学来发展有效的治疗 |
| 6 | and understanding of how to make love work. | 和理解如何使爱发挥作用。 |
| 7 | Why? | 为什么? |
| 8 | Why should we care about having great relationships? | 我们为什么要关心 拥有伟大的关系? |
| 9 | Well, it turns out that in the past 50 years, | 原来在过去50年里 |
| 10 | a field called social epidemiology has emerged, | 一个叫做社会流行病学的领域已经出现, |
| 11 | and it shows that great friendships, | 它显示伟大的友谊, |
| 12 | great love relationships between lovers and parents and children | 恋人与父母与孩子的爱情 |
| 13 | lead to greater health, mental health as well as physical health, | 增进健康、精神健康和身体健康, |
| 14 | greater wealth, greater resilience, faster recovery from illness, | 财富增加、复原能力增强、疾病恢复更快 |
| 15 | greater longevity. | 更长寿。 |
| 16 | If you want to live 10 to 15 years longer, | 如果你想再活10到15年的话 |
| 17 | work on your relationships, not just your exercise, | 工作在你们的关系, 不只是你的锻炼, |
| 18 | and more successful children as well. | 以及更成功的孩子们 |
| 19 | So love has a kind of magic. | 故爱有种魔力. |
| 20 | It's able to do amazing things. | 能成就众生不可思议之事. |
| 21 | And one of my favorite films is Sleepless in Seattle | 我最喜欢的电影之一是西雅图的无眠 |
| 22 | with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. | 汤姆・汉克斯和梅格・瑞恩 |
| 23 | And I just want to share with you a quote | 我只想和你们分享一句 |
| 24 | where Tom Hanks is on the radio with the talk show host, Marsha, | 汤姆·汉克斯和脱口秀主持人玛莎在电台里 |
| 25 | and she says to him, | 她对他说, |
| 26 | Sam, tell me what was so special about your wife. | Sam 告诉我 你妻子有什么特别的 |
| 27 | And Tom Hanks, as Sam says, | 汤姆汉克斯,正如山姆所说, |
| 28 | well, how long is your program? | 你的节目要多久? |
| 29 | Oh, well, it was a million tiny little things. | 哦,好吧,这是一百万个小东西。 |
| 30 | We were supposed to be together, and I knew it. | 我们本来应该在一起的 我就知道 |
| 31 | I knew it the very first time I touched her. | 我第一次碰她时就知道了 |
| 32 | It was like coming home, only to no home I'd ever known. | 这就像回家, 只是没有家 我曾经知道。 |
| 33 | It was just taking her hand to help her out of the car. | 它只是拿她的手 帮助她下车。 |
| 34 | And you know, it was like magic. | 你知道,这就像魔法。 |
| 35 | And Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan say the word magic at the same time. | 而汤姆·汉克斯(Tom Hanks)和梅格·瑞安(Meg Ryan)同时说出魔法这个词. |
| 36 | So what about this magic? | 那这个魔法呢? |
| 37 | Can science really help find the magic of love? | 科学真的能帮助找到爱的魔力吗? |
| 38 | Well, the first step is that we needed a lot of data. | 首先我们需要很多数据。 |
| 39 | We needed to basically understand relationships better, | 我们需要更了解关系 |
| 40 | and that's not something I did alone. | 那不是我一个人干的 |
| 41 | In fact, 45 years ago, we built a love lab, | 事实上 45年前 我们建了一个爱情实验室 |
| 42 | and this lab was built in part by a bromance, | 而这个实验室 部分是由一个兄弟建造的, |
| 43 | my best friend Bob Levinson and I created this lab. | 我最好的朋友鲍勃・莱文森和我 创建了这个实验室。 |
| 44 | And Bob and I became good friends, | 鲍勃和我成了好朋友, |
| 45 | and we realized that our relationships with women | 我们意识到我们与女人的关系 |
| 46 | were not going very well. | 进展不大顺利。 |
| 47 | It went from one disaster to another. | 它从一个灾难到另一个灾难。 |
| 48 | So basically two clueless guys got together | 所以基本上两个无知的家伙在一起 |
| 49 | to build this laboratory. | 建造这个实验室 |
| 50 | And then over 30 years ago, | 然后30多年前, |
| 51 | a romance with my wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, | 和我妻子朱莉·施瓦兹·戈特曼博士的浪漫 |
| 52 | and we decided to work together | 我们决定一起工作 |
| 53 | to see whether we could make a difference. | 看看我们能不能有所作为 |
| 54 | So basic research was followed by applied research. | 因此基础研究之后是应用研究. |
| 55 | We used validated questionnaires, | 我们用经过验证的问卷 |
| 56 | online questionnaires that allow us to assess | 在线问卷,使我们能够评估 |
| 57 | the strengths of a relationship | 关系的力量 |
| 58 | in the areas that need improvement. | 在需要改进的领域。 |
| 59 | And we validated these questionnaires | 我们验证了这些问卷 |
| 60 | to make sure that we knew what we were measuring, | 以确保我们知道我们在测量什么, |
| 61 | and we could measure things reliably and accurately. | 我们可以可靠和准确地测量事物。 |
| 62 | So we created this checkup, | 所以我们创造了这个检查, |
| 63 | and over 40,000 couples have taken these questionnaires, | 超过4万对夫妇接受了这些问卷调查, |
| 64 | and we get a green circle for strength, | 我们得到一个绿色的圆圈 力量, |
| 65 | a red box for an area that needs improvement. | 红盒,用于一个需要改进的区域。 |
| 66 | But we get their story of their relationship. | 但我们知道他们的关系 |
| 67 | We ask them about how they met. | 我们问他们是怎么认识的 |
| 68 | We find out the quality of their friendship and intimacy | 我们发现了他们的友谊和亲密关系 |
| 69 | from this interview. | 从这次采访。 |
| 70 | And we collect physiological measures from them | 我们从他们那里收集生理措施 |
| 71 | as they're talking to one another. | 因为他们在互相交谈 |
| 72 | We're measuring heart rate, blood velocity, | 我们正在测量心率,血液速度, |
| 73 | skin conductance, respiration, | 皮肤运动,呼吸, |
| 74 | a variety of things like that. | 诸如来种种如来. |
| 75 | And we score their emotions second by second | 而我们得分他们的情绪第二 |
| 76 | in this kind of split-screen arrangement | 在这种分屏安排中 |
| 77 | where even though they're facing each other, | 即使他们面对对方 |
| 78 | we can really code facial expressions, voice tone, | 我们真的可以编码面部表情 语音语气 |
| 79 | nonverbal behavior, and verbal behavior | 非口头行为和口头行为 |
| 80 | very accurately and reliably. | 非常准确和可靠 |
| 81 | We have them use a video recall rating dial, | 我们让他们用一个视频召回 评级拨号, |
| 82 | which they just turn from extremely negative | 他们从极端消极的 |
| 83 | to extremely positive as they're watching the videotapes | 在他们看录影带时非常积极 |
| 84 | to get their perception of the interaction as well. | 以获得他们对互动的看法。 |
| 85 | And then we synchronize all of that. | 然后我们同步所有这一切。 |
| 86 | Video, physiology, coded emotion, and perception. | 视频 生理学 编码情感和感知 |
| 87 | And on the left, you see all the physiological measures | 在左边,你可以看到所有的生理测量 |
| 88 | we're collecting, and a cursor that moves along. | 我们收集, 和光标移动。 |
| 89 | In this particular moment, the wife has said something | 在这个特殊的时刻 妻子说了些什么 |
| 90 | that just makes the husband dissolve in hilarity. | 这只会让丈夫变得充满爱意 |
| 91 | And shared humor turns out to be very powerful | 而分享幽默 证明是非常强大的 |
| 92 | in our relationship at reducing physiological arousal. | 在我们的关系 减少生理刺激。 |
| 93 | So what did we find from this laboratory? | 我们从实验室找到什么了? |
| 94 | We got over 90% success in predicting | 我们预测成功90%以上 |
| 95 | either divorce of stability | 或稳定离婚 |
| 96 | or the happiness of relationships that were stable. | 或者是关系稳定的幸福 |
| 97 | And the major impact of that finding was that | 调查结果的主要影响是 |
| 98 | Julian and I didn't get invited out to dinner very often. | 朱利安和我没有经常被邀请出去吃饭 |
| 99 | But the effects replicated six different times | 但效果复制了六个不同的时间 |
| 100 | in six studies that Bob Levinson and I did | 鲍勃·莱文森和我六次研究 |
| 101 | over the whole life course. | 整个人生 |
| 102 | And that's probably the most replicated effect | 这也许是最复制的效果 |
| 103 | in the study of relationships now. | 在研究现在的关系。 |
| 104 | And we're no longer alone. | 我们不再孤单了 |
| 105 | Other labs are getting very similar kinds of results. | 其它实验室也取得了非常相似的结果。 |
| 106 | We followed these couples for as long as 20 years. | 我们跟踪这些夫妇长达20年。 |
| 107 | Straight couples, gay and lesbian couples, newlyweds, | 直系夫妇 同性恋夫妇 新婚夫妇 |
| 108 | middle-aged couples, older couples, | 中年夫妇,年长夫妇, |
| 109 | into their late 80s and 90s. | 进入80年代和90年代 |
| 110 | So what did we find? | 我们发现了什么? |
| 111 | This over 90% prediction. | 这超过90%的预测。 |
| 112 | What predicts? | 什么预言? |
| 113 | And we kind of sit down in our lab and talk to a couple | 我们坐在实验室里和一对夫妇聊天 |
| 114 | about their strengths and areas that need improvement | 关于其长处和需要改进的领域 |
| 115 | based upon this research. | 基于这项研究。 |
| 116 | Well, one thing we do is we create kind of a | 我们做的一件事就是创造出一种 |
| 117 | Dow Jones industrial average of a conversation. | 道琼斯的工业平均谈话 |
| 118 | And by doing that, very much like the Dow Jones, | 通过这样做,非常 像道琼斯, |
| 119 | it's really good if the cumulative positive | 如果累积的正数是好的 |
| 120 | minus negative emotions are going up. | 减负情绪上升。 |
| 121 | In other words, on the left we see a low-risk couple | 换句话说,左边是一对低风险夫妇 |
| 122 | where there really is much more positive than negative | 真正的积极比消极的多 |
| 123 | in general, right? | 一般来说,对不对? |
| 124 | They go up and down. | 他们上下走。 |
| 125 | And on the right, the high-risk couple, | 右边是高危夫妇 |
| 126 | where basically they go down all along their interaction. | 基本上,他们一直走下去 他们的互动。 |
| 127 | Well, it turns out that one thing we discovered | 原来我们发现了一件事 |
| 128 | was that the way the conversation starts | 对话的开始 |
| 129 | in the first three minutes of a conflict discussion | 在冲突讨论的头三分钟 |
| 130 | will predict 96% of the time | 将预测96%的时间 |
| 131 | whether they're a low-risk couple or a high-risk couple. | 不管是低风险夫妇还是高风险夫妇 |
| 132 | So startup, the way each person starts | 所以,开始,每个人开始的方式 |
| 133 | before they start influencing one another, | 在他们互相影响之前, |
| 134 | is very critical in this prediction. | 在这个预测中非常关键。 |
| 135 | The other thing we learned is something we call | 我们学到的另外一件事 就是我们称之为 |
| 136 | the Roach Hotel model of relationships. | 洛克酒店的关系模式。 |
| 137 | Remember the Roach Hotel? | 还记得Roach酒店吗? |
| 138 | The Roaches check in, but they don't check out. | 蟑螂队报到,但他们不报到. |
| 139 | That's a really good Roach trap. | 这是一个非常好的蟑螂陷阱。 |
| 140 | Well, negative emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment, | 负面情绪 愤怒 悲伤 失望 |
| 141 | fear, all of these emotions, the negative emotions, | 恐惧,所有这些情绪,负面情绪, |
| 142 | for unhappy couples become like that Roach Hotel. | 对于不幸福的情侣 变得像蟑螂酒店。 |
| 143 | Once they check in, they don't check out. | 一旦他们报到, 他们不报到。 |
| 144 | It's hard to exit and easy to enter | 很难离开,容易进入 |
| 145 | this negative affect state. | 这个负效应状态。 |
| 146 | And it turned out the balance of positive | 结果是正数的平衡 |
| 147 | and negative emotions is our key index of this magic | 负面情感是我们这个魔法的关键索引 |
| 148 | that Tom Hanks was talking about in Sleepless in Seattle. | 汤姆・汉克斯在西雅图的无眠区谈的 |
| 149 | The balance of positive and negative emotions. | 积极情绪与消极情绪的平衡. |
| 150 | So this ratio of positivity to negativity | 因此,这种否定与否定的比例 |
| 151 | during conflict in unhappy couples, | 在不幸福的夫妻冲突中, |
| 152 | that's why this slide is in red, was 0.8 to 1. | 这就是为什么这个幻灯片是红色的, 是0.8比1. |
| 153 | Just a little bit more negativity than positivity. | 只是有点消极比消极。 |
| 154 | And I was completely wrong. | 我完全错了 |
| 155 | I thought that would be a great relationship. | 我认为这是个伟大的关系。 |
| 156 | In my relationships that had failed, | 在我失败的关系中 |
| 157 | we were much more negative than positive. | 我们的负面程度远胜于正面。 |
| 158 | So I thought if it was balanced, it would be great. | 所以我想如果它是平衡的,这将是伟大的。 |
| 159 | But no, it turned out that actually the balance | 但是没有,结果其实是平衡 |
| 160 | of positive and negative emotions during conflict | 冲突期间的积极和消极情绪 |
| 161 | in relationships that were stable and happy was 5 to 1. | 在稳定与幸福的关系中 5比1 |
| 162 | It was five times as much affection, humor, | 这是五倍的爱,幽默, |
| 163 | interest in one another, excitement, connection. | 对彼此的兴趣,兴奋,连接。 |
| 164 | Then there was hostility, disappointment, anger, negativity. | 之后出现了敌意,失望,愤怒,消极情绪. |
| 165 | So there really was a balance that was way balanced | 所以,真的有一个平衡 是平衡的方式 |
| 166 | toward positive emotions in happy, stable relationships. | 在幸福稳定的关系中 走向积极的情感 |
| 167 | So this 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio | 所以这个5比1正负比 |
| 168 | has become pretty widely known. | 已经变得相当广为人知。 |
| 169 | I left a Starbucks in Seattle recently, | 我最近把星巴克留在西雅图 |
| 170 | and a guy drove by in his pickup truck, | 和一个人开车经过他的卡车, |
| 171 | and he rolled down the window and he said, | 他从窗户上滚下来说: |
| 172 | hey, 5 to 1, right? | 嘿,5比1,对吗? |
| 173 | I said, right. | 我说的没错 |
| 174 | So we both gave us the thumbs up sign. | 所以我们都给了我们拇指的标志。 |
| 175 | So that's our index of the magic. | 这就是我们的魔法索引。 |
| 176 | But then we thought, okay, you have an index, | 但后来我们想,好吧,你有一个索引, |
| 177 | but how do you change that index? | 但你如何改变指数? |
| 178 | What do you need to really make a difference? | 你要做什么才能真正改变? |
| 179 | And so our hypothesis was that you needed three things, | 所以我们的假设是 你需要三件事 |
| 180 | physiological calm and trust and commitment. | 生理平静,信任和承诺。 |
| 181 | So what about those things? | 那那些东西呢? |
| 182 | Can we actually measure those in our laboratory, | 我们能在实验室里测量一下吗? |
| 183 | and can we actually make a difference? | 我们真的能有所作为吗? |
| 184 | And is this right? | 是这样吗? |
| 185 | Well, the first one, physiological calm, | 第一个 生理平静 |
| 186 | was kind of a balance in physiology. | 在生理学上是一种平衡 |
| 187 | The couples whose heart rates were lower, | 那些心率较低的夫妇, |
| 188 | whose blood was flowing less rapidly, | 他的血流得不快, |
| 189 | who weren't sweating as much, | 他没有出汗那么多, |
| 190 | those people actually seemed kind of boring, | 那些人似乎有点无聊 |
| 191 | but they had great relationships. | 但他们的关系很好 |
| 192 | They were gentle with one another, not hostile. | 他们彼此温柔,没有敌意 |
| 193 | They reassured one another. | 他们互相安慰 |
| 194 | Very interesting balance in physiology | 生理学上非常有趣的平衡 |
| 195 | created by their behavior. | 他们的行为创造了。 |
| 196 | And by the way, we found we have to measure these things. | 顺便说一句,我们发现我们必须测量这些东西。 |
| 197 | So I have a pulse oximeter right here, | 因此,我有一个脉冲氧度计就在这里, |
| 198 | and it allows me when I press the button | 它允许我按下按钮 |
| 199 | to really find out what my heart rate is | 真正发现我的心率是什么 |
| 200 | and what the percent oxygen is. | 还有氧气的百分率 |
| 201 | And right now my heart rate is 110 beats a minute, | 现在我的心跳速度是每分钟110次 |
| 202 | and my percent oxygen is 92%. | 我百分之九十二的氧气 |
| 203 | So that sucks. | 所以这很烂。 |
| 204 | I'm highly aroused physiologically. | 我生理上很兴奋 |
| 205 | So you can't tell what's going on physiologically | 所以你无法从生理上看清发生了什么 |
| 206 | with somebody by looking at them. | 和别人一起看着他们 |
| 207 | You have to actually measure it. | 你必须实际测量它。 |
| 208 | And we have to build physiological calm in a couple. | 我们必须在一对夫妇中建立生理平静。 |
| 209 | Now why? | 为什么? |
| 210 | Why is that so important? | 为什么这么重要? |
| 211 | Well, it turns out that when people are calm, | 事实证明,当人们冷静下来, |
| 212 | they can take in information. | 他们可以接受信息。 |
| 213 | They can listen. | 他们可以听。 |
| 214 | They can be empathetic. | 他们可以感到同情。 |
| 215 | They have access to their sense of humor. | 他们有幽默感 |
| 216 | That's very important. | 这很重要 |
| 217 | But when they're flooded, | 但当它们被淹没时, |
| 218 | when there's a diffuse activation | 当有扩散激活时 |
| 219 | of various parts of the autonomic nervous system, | 自动神经系统的各个部分, |
| 220 | they're much more likely to be in attack or defend mode. | 他们更有可能处于攻击或防御模式。 |
| 221 | So if a therapist doesn't know what's going on physiologically | 所以如果心理医生不知道 生理上发生了什么 |
| 222 | and says, can you summarize what your wife just said, | 并说,你能总结 你的妻子刚才说, |
| 223 | summarize what your husband just says, | 总结一下你丈夫刚才说的话 |
| 224 | can you validate and be empathetic? | 你能验证和同情吗? |
| 225 | They can't do it if they're physiologically aroused. | 他们不能这样做 如果他们的生理激发。 |
| 226 | So the therapist actually has to know that | 所以治疗师必须知道 |
| 227 | to help them calm down. | 帮助他们冷静下来。 |
| 228 | So physiological calm is good. | 所以生理平静是好的。 |
| 229 | That's what we learned. | 这就是我们学到的。 |
| 230 | So part of that trio of variables, | 所以这三重变量的一部分, |
| 231 | we know we have validation that that's important. | 我们知道这很重要 |
| 232 | But the magic also comes, we hypothesize, | 但魔法也来了,我们假设, |
| 233 | from building trust. | 从建立信任。 |
| 234 | So what's trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 235 | It's something that people talk about, | 这是人们谈论的东西, |
| 236 | but can you measure it? | 但你能测量它吗? |
| 237 | And it turns out we can measure it reliably and validly. | 结果我们可以可靠和有效地测量它。 |
| 238 | And a trusting relationship, | 和信任的关系, |
| 239 | a mutually trusting relationship, | 一个相互信任的关系, |
| 240 | really leads to intimacy and great sex. | 真正导致亲密和伟大的性爱。 |
| 241 | A distrusting relationship leads to loneliness. | 不信任的关系导致孤独. |
| 242 | And guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 243 | The major reason people have affairs | 人有私事的主要原因 |
| 244 | is not because of sex or desire, | 不是因为性或欲望, |
| 245 | it's because they're lonely | 因为他们很寂寞 |
| 246 | and they have found somebody who finds them interesting | 他们发现有人觉得他们很有趣 |
| 247 | and wants to talk to them in the context of a relationship | 并想和他们谈谈 在关系的背景 |
| 248 | that really isn't working very well. | 这真的不是很好工作。 |
| 249 | So what is trust? | 那么,什么是信任吗? |
| 250 | How do we define it? | 我们如何定义它? |
| 251 | How do we measure it? | 我们如何衡量它? |
| 252 | And here we use mathematics, | 在这里,我们使用数学, |
| 253 | the mathematics of game theory, | 游戏理论的数学, |
| 254 | and we can actually measure this idea | 我们实际上可以测量这个想法 |
| 255 | that mutual trust comes from when both partners | 相互信任来自双方 |
| 256 | are maximizing the benefits of both people, | 使双方的利益最大化, |
| 257 | not just one person's benefit against the other person. | 不只是一个人对另一个人的利益。 |
| 258 | So I'm always thinking about, | 所以我总是在想, |
| 259 | how does my wife see things? | 我妻子怎么看东西? |
| 260 | I can walk into a kitchen now after 30 years of marriage | 结婚30年以后 我可以走进厨房 |
| 261 | and view that kitchen the way my wife would view it. | 看着厨房,就像我妻子那样 |
| 262 | So I can say, | 所以我可以说, |
| 263 | Julie would be upset by that. | 朱莉会很生气的 |
| 264 | So I'll clean it up, | 所以我会清理它, |
| 265 | and now I know when she comes in | 现在我知道她什么时候进来了 |
| 266 | she's not going to notice anything that's really disgusting. | 她不会注意到什么是真正的恶心。 |
| 267 | I'm more of a slob, so for me it was fine. | 我比较笨 所以对我来说还不错 |
| 268 | But people who develop mutual trust | 但培养相互信任的人 |
| 269 | really always have their partners in their heads, | 总是有他们的伙伴在他们的头上, |
| 270 | not just themselves, | 不只是他们自己, |
| 271 | and they're thinking about both of them. | 他们都在考虑他们俩 |
| 272 | But the magic also comes from building commitment. | 但魔法也来自于建立承诺. |
| 273 | So what does this mean? | 这是什么意思? |
| 274 | Well, we've learned a lot about commitment | 我们学到了很多关于承诺的知识 |
| 275 | from the systematic research of a woman named Carol Rustbolt | 对卡罗尔·拉特博特女士的系统研究 |
| 276 | and another woman named Shirley Glass. | 还有另一个叫雪莉·格拉斯的女人 |
| 277 | And what we've learned is that in relationships | 我们所学到的是,在恋爱中 |
| 278 | there is a turning point, a key turning point. | 有一个转折点,一个关键的转折点。 |
| 279 | When things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利时 |
| 280 | when your partner is hostile or irritable or emotionally distant, | 当你的伴侣充满敌意 或易怒 或感情疏远, |
| 281 | if you really in your own head are cherishing your partner | 如果你真的在自己的脑子里 珍惜你的伴侣 |
| 282 | and nurturing gratitude for what you have and saying, | 感谢你们所说的话, |
| 283 | this is my journey, | 这是我的旅程, |
| 284 | Julie is the love of my life, | 朱莉是我的爱, |
| 285 | and I'm damn lucky to have this person in my life, | 我很幸运能有这个人在我的生活中, |
| 286 | that turning point leads to loyalty. | 转折点导致忠诚。 |
| 287 | On the other hand, betrayal comes from really, | 另一方面,背叛来自真正的, |
| 288 | at that point when things aren't going well, | 当事情不顺利的时候 |
| 289 | making negative comparisons between your partner | 在伴侣之间进行负面对比 |
| 290 | and real or imagined alternatives. | 和真实的或想象的替代品。 |
| 291 | Betrayal leads to dissolution very reliably, | 背叛会导致非常可靠的解体, |
| 292 | whereas commitment leads to loyalty. | 而承诺则导致忠诚。 |
| 293 | And then when you have that sense of commitment in a relationship, | 然后,当你有那种 承诺感在一个关系, |
| 294 | both of you have that, | 你们俩都有 |
| 295 | you really have a safe place. | 你真的有一个安全的地方。 |
| 296 | You have that magic. | 你有这种魔法。 |
| 297 | And with over 90% prediction with these basic variables, | 用这些基本变量预测90%以上 |
| 298 | the mechanism by which relationships work, | 关系的运作机制, |
| 299 | trust, physiological calm and commitment, | 信任、生理平静和承诺, |
| 300 | can we actually create a mathematics of love? | 我们真的能创造爱的数学吗? |
| 301 | Now, why would you want to create mathematics and love? | 为什么你想创造数学和爱情? |
| 302 | Why do you want to put math and love together? | 为什么你想把数学和爱情放在一起? |
| 303 | Some people think that's really disgusting. | 有人觉得这很恶心 |
| 304 | Well, if you can create a mathematics, | 如果你能创造出数学 |
| 305 | you really will understand | 你真的会明白的 |
| 306 | not just the static nature of commitment, trust, | 不只是承诺的静态性质,信任, |
| 307 | and physiological calm affecting a relationship | 和生理平静 影响关系 |
| 308 | and creating the magic, | 并创造魔术, |
| 309 | you actually will understand the dynamics of the interaction | 你将会了解互动的动态 |
| 310 | as it unfolds over time. | 随着时间的流逝 |
| 311 | And that's what therapists are working with, right? | 这就是治疗师的工作,对不对? |
| 312 | In their offices, they're looking at how people interact, | 在他们的办公室里 他们正在观察人们如何互动 |
| 313 | and they want to influence the dynamic. | 他们想影响动态 |
| 314 | So we need a dynamic analysis of data over time. | 因此,我们需要对数据进行动态分析。 |
| 315 | What pushes the interaction in one direction versus another? | 是什么把互动推向一个方向? |
| 316 | So because we get data over time, | 所以,因为我们得到的数据 随着时间的推移, |
| 317 | we get behavior, perception, and physiology | 我们得到的行为,感知,和生理学 |
| 318 | all integrated over time, | 随着时间的推移, |
| 319 | very much like that Dow Jones Industrial Average, | 非常像道琼斯工业平均水平, |
| 320 | we could create the Gottman-Murray love equations. | 我们可以创造高特曼 -莫雷的爱情方程式。 |
| 321 | And so James Murray, | 所以詹姆斯・默里, |
| 322 | who is the father of mathematical biology, | 他是数学生物学之父, |
| 323 | and I work together, | 和我一起工作, |
| 324 | and because we're not very intelligent, | 因为我们不太聪明 |
| 325 | it took us 15 years to get these equations. | 我们花了15年才得到这些方程式。 |
| 326 | But when you look at them, you'll see they're obvious. | 但是,当你看着他们,你会看到他们是明显的。 |
| 327 | So what we're trying to do is predict | 所以我们想做的是预测 |
| 328 | what happens at time t plus 1 | 时T加1时会发生什么 |
| 329 | in this graph of the husband's interaction | 在这个丈夫互动图中 |
| 330 | and the wife's interaction. | 和妻子的互动。 |
| 331 | And by the way, this holds for same-sex couple as well. | 顺便说一句,这对同性伴侣来说也是一样。 |
| 332 | We say wife and husband | 我们说妻子和丈夫 |
| 333 | only because it's a little bit more convenient to talk about it. | 只因说得更方便. |
| 334 | But can we go for what's happening in this graph | 但是,我们能去 发生了什么事在这个图表 |
| 335 | of behavior or physiology or perception | 行为或生理或感知 |
| 336 | at one time and predict at a later time? | 在一次, 并预测在以后的时间? |
| 337 | And in fact, we can develop these equations. | 事实上,我们可以开发这些方程式。 |
| 338 | So on the left of the equal sign, | 故在平等迹象的左边, |
| 339 | we see the wife at time t plus 1 in the equation above, | 我们见到妻子的时间T+1以上方程式, |
| 340 | and on the bottom, the husbands. | 在下面,丈夫们。 |
| 341 | So how do we predict what's going to happen next? | 那么我们如何预测接下来会发生什么? |
| 342 | That's what we want to know. | 这就是我们想知道的。 |
| 343 | That's what the therapist wants to know. | 这就是治疗师想知道的。 |
| 344 | Well, we have one parameter, | 我们有一个参数, |
| 345 | and it's denoted A and B, | 它的表示A和B, |
| 346 | and that's the old startup, right? | 这是旧的启动,对不对? |
| 347 | How they start the conversation | 他们是如何开始谈话的 |
| 348 | before they start influencing one another | 在他们开始互相影响之前 |
| 349 | is really critical. | 非常关键 |
| 350 | And so that's the theory, | 这就是理论 |
| 351 | that the way they start up, the way the wife starts up, | 他们开始的方式, 妻子开始的方式, |
| 352 | that one constant is very, very important | 一个常数非常重要 |
| 353 | in predicting what's going to happen next. | 预测接下来会发生什么 |
| 354 | But then there's another parameter, | 但还有另一个参数, |
| 355 | which is R1 and R2, | 这是R1和R2, |
| 356 | and that predicts how much emotional inertia a person has. | 这预示了一个人的情绪惯性 |
| 357 | So some people, when they get angry, | 所以有些人,当他们生气, |
| 358 | boy, they stay angry a long time. | 孩子,他们一直很生气 |
| 359 | It's hard to move them. | 很难移动他们。 |
| 360 | They're kind of like a Mack truck going downhill. | 他们就像一辆下坡的麦克卡车 |
| 361 | And in physics, that's called inertia, right? | 在物理学中,这叫做惯性,对吧? |
| 362 | It takes a lot of energy to move them off course. | 让他们偏离航线需要很多精力. |
| 363 | Other people are more like a feather in the wind. | 其他人更像是风中的羽毛. |
| 364 | They have low inertia, right? | 他们有低惯性,对不对? |
| 365 | Well, they have no stability either. | 嗯,他们也没有稳定。 |
| 366 | So what's the right inertia? | 那么,什么是正确的惯性? |
| 367 | Well, we don't know, but that's another parameter. | 我们不知道 但这是另一个参数 |
| 368 | They're emotional inertia. | 它们是感情上的惯性. |
| 369 | That affects how much influence the partner can have, | 这影响了合作伙伴能够发挥多大影响, |
| 370 | which is our third parameter, the influence function. | 这是第三个参数 影响函数 |
| 371 | So in the wife's equation, there's the husband, | 因此,在妻子的方程式中,有丈夫, |
| 372 | and the husband's equation, there's the wife. | 和丈夫的方程,有妻子。 |
| 373 | Well, we can actually specify with a theory | 我们可以用一个理论来说明 |
| 374 | what that influence function might look like. | 那影响功能可能是什么样子。 |
| 375 | So here's the husband along the horizontal axis, | 所以,这是丈夫沿着水平轴, |
| 376 | and the vertical axis is his influence on the wife. | 垂直轴是他对妻子的影响 |
| 377 | So there are some points, but we need a theory | 所以有一些要点, 但我们需要一个理论 |
| 378 | that helps us find the best fit to the data, right? | 帮助我们找到 最适合的数据,对不对? |
| 379 | So our theory really said, well, maybe it looks like this. | 所以,我们的理论真的说, 也许它看起来像这样。 |
| 380 | There's one part of it when he's being positive, | 当他表现积极时,有一部分 |
| 381 | he's being nice to her. | 他对她很好 |
| 382 | What's the impact of that? | 这有什么影响? |
| 383 | The steepness of the slope tells us what the impact | 山坡的陡峭 告诉我们什么影响 |
| 384 | of positive emotions are, like affection, humor, | 积极的情感就像爱,幽默, |
| 385 | and then the other one is how influential is he | 而另一个是他有多有影响力 |
| 386 | with negativity, with anger, disappointment, | 愤怒和失望 |
| 387 | with hurt feelings, with sadness, | 与伤感,与悲伤, |
| 388 | and that slope gives us our idea of the influence | 那坡度让我们知道影响 |
| 389 | that positive and negative emotions have. | 积极和消极的情绪。 |
| 390 | But then we thought, well, maybe when they get | 但后来我们想 也许当他们得到 |
| 391 | to a certain threshold that we have denoted by K sub r, | 我们用K sub r表示的某一阈值, |
| 392 | maybe what happens is they can repair. | 也许会发生什么 他们可以修复。 |
| 393 | And so that other part of the curve tells us | 所以其他部分的曲线告诉我们 |
| 394 | when does repair cut in and how effective it is. | 修理何时开始,其效果如何。 |
| 395 | And what we discover is that if you repair early | 我们发现的是 如果你能早点修复 |
| 396 | in the conversation, you're much more effective | 在谈话中,你更有效率 |
| 397 | than if you wait, okay? | 比如果你等待,好吗? |
| 398 | That was kind of a surprising finding. | 这是一种令人惊讶的发现。 |
| 399 | And on the other hand, what about positive affect? | 另一方面,积极的影响呢? |
| 400 | Maybe you can amplify or diminish positive affect, | 也许你可以扩大或减少 积极的影响, |
| 401 | and it turns out, yes, you can. | 结果发现,是的,你可以。 |
| 402 | By turning toward your partner, | 通过转向你的伴侣, |
| 403 | when your partner needs your attention or interest, | 当你的伴侣需要你的注意或兴趣时 |
| 404 | the positive affect can be either by turning away, | 积极的影响可以是 要么拒绝, |
| 405 | diminished, or by turning toward amplified. | 减少,或转向扩大。 |
| 406 | So these are the parameters in our theory. | 这就是我们理论中的参数。 |
| 407 | But now we do a very cool thing. | 但现在我们做了一件很酷的事。 |
| 408 | We actually can create a portrait | 我们实际上可以创作一个肖像 |
| 409 | of the couple's interaction, | 夫妻互动, |
| 410 | a dynamic portrait of how it unfolds over time. | 一个动态的肖像 如何在一段时间里展开。 |
| 411 | And what we do is we put the husband's positive | 我们做的是让丈夫肯定 |
| 412 | and negative behavior on the horizontal axis | 和横向轴上的负行为 |
| 413 | and the wife's on the vertical axis. | 妻子在垂直轴上 |
| 414 | Going up is positive, going down is negative. | 上升为阳,下降为阴. |
| 415 | That gives us quadrants, one, two, three, and four. | 这给了我们四倍数,一,二,三,四倍数 |
| 416 | And we can describe that by two bunnies on the beach | 我们可以用海滩上的两只兔子来形容 |
| 417 | in quadrant labeled one, | 以四角为一, |
| 418 | and two bunnies in a storm in quadrant three. | 和两个兔子在暴风雨中 在三象限。 |
| 419 | So we really want our couples to be two bunnies on the beach | 所以我们真的希望我们的夫妇 在海滩上做两个兔子 |
| 420 | rather than two bunnies in a storm. | 而不是两个兔子在风暴中。 |
| 421 | So it gives us a new goal of couples therapy, right? | 因此它给了我们一个新的目标 夫妇治疗,对不对? |
| 422 | All right, so this face-based portrait becomes very clear. | 好吧,所以这张面部肖像变得非常清晰。 |
| 423 | This quadrant one is when they're both positive, | 这个象限是当他们两个都是阳性的, |
| 424 | and we have another quadrant where they're both negative. | 我们有另一个象限,它们都是阴性的。 |
| 425 | So we'd like them to really not spend much time in that quadrant, | 所以我们希望他们不要花太多时间 在象限, |
| 426 | or this quadrant is where one of them is positive | 或这个象限是其中之一是正面的 |
| 427 | and the other is negative. | 而另一个是负面的。 |
| 428 | Although it might be good to be there | 虽然在那里也许很好 |
| 429 | because maybe one counterbalances the other. | 因为也许一个能抵消另一个 |
| 430 | So we don't know yet, so we have those quadrants to look at as well. | 所以我们还不知道,所以我们还有这些四角星要看。 |
| 431 | Okay, there's our relationship phase space. | 好吧,这就是我们的关系阶段空间。 |
| 432 | Now, let's look at an actual conversation | 现在,让我们看看一个真正的谈话 |
| 433 | and see how it unfolds. | 看情况如何 |
| 434 | And there's a dot moving as the couple talks to one another. | 和有点移动 当夫妇谈话到对方。 |
| 435 | This is a real conflict conversation a couple is having. | 这是一个真正的冲突谈话 一对夫妇正在进行。 |
| 436 | And look at that dot moving all over those quadrants in phase space. | 看看那个圆点在相位空间中 到处移动 |
| 437 | So now we see there's a dynamic unfolding, | 所以现在我们看到一个动态的发展, |
| 438 | but it's kind of hard to see that thing jumping all over the place | 但很难看到那东西到处跳 |
| 439 | and know what's good and what's bad. | 而知善恶. |
| 440 | We need the equations, and we need to know what's making that dot move. | 我们需要方程式,我们需要知道 是什么使这个点移动。 |
| 441 | What's actually compelling that dot to move? | 是什么迫使这个点移动? |
| 442 | Is there some attractive force, kind of like gravitation, | 是否有吸引人的力量, 像引力, |
| 443 | is there an attractive force that has maybe the power of Jupiter | 是否有一种吸引人的力量 可能具有木星的力量 |
| 444 | to pull them toward the negative attractor, | 把他们引向消极的吸引者, |
| 445 | in which case the relationship will be in a lot of trouble? | 那样关系会很麻烦吗? |
| 446 | Or is there a positive attractor that puts them in quadrant one | 或有一个正吸引器 把他们放在四角一 |
| 447 | that is powerful, or is it weak, | 是强的,是弱的, |
| 448 | and the therapist really needs to help make that much more powerful? | 治疗师真的需要帮助 使这更强大? |
| 449 | So here's our old friend, the startup. | 所以这是我们的老朋友,启动。 |
| 450 | Now, this couple is starting in a positive place, right? | 现在,这对夫妇开始 一个积极的地方,对不对? |
| 451 | They're in quadrant number one, the positive-positive quadrant. | 它们位于第一象限中,正阳性象限. |
| 452 | And there's a choice here. | 并有选择在这里。 |
| 453 | They either move in that direction toward that star, that blue star, | 他们要么朝那颗恒星方向移动, 蓝星, |
| 454 | which is the attractor in the phase space | 是相位空间的吸引器 |
| 455 | that pulls their interaction toward a positive place, | 把他们的互动拉到一个积极的地方, |
| 456 | especially if it's strong, or they might move the other way. | 特别是如果它很强, 或者它们可能会向另一边移动。 |
| 457 | They might actually cycle around another attractor that's there | 他们可能绕着另一个吸引器转 |
| 458 | that moves them in the negative-negative quadrant, | 使他们在阴性象限中移动, |
| 459 | and that's our bunnies in a storm, and we don't want them there, | 那是暴风雨中的兔子 我们不希望他们在那里, |
| 460 | or we don't want them to spend very much occupation time in that place. | 或者我们不希望他们 花很多时间在那里。 |
| 461 | And the attractors are the forces that make the dot move. | 而吸引者是使点移动的力量. |
| 462 | So we're looking at not just a graph in phase space, | 所以我们在研究的不仅仅是相位空间的图 |
| 463 | but we're looking at a flow diagram, almost like a fluid flowing. | 但是我们看到一个流体图, 几乎像流体。 |
| 464 | And you've seen this kind of phase space diagram with hurricanes. | 你见过这种相位空间图 带有飓风。 |
| 465 | Hurricane Irma, this comes from that hurricane, | 飓风艾玛,这来自飓风 |
| 466 | where the dot is moving, right? | 点在哪里移动,对不对? |
| 467 | And there's a force moving it toward an attractor up there. | 有股力量把它推向上面的吸引器。 |
| 468 | And we can actually do the same thing with a couple's interaction. | 我们也可以用一对夫妇的互动来做同样的事情。 |
| 469 | So, okay, that's a theory for getting a dynamical picture. | 所以,好吧,这是获得动态图片的理论。 |
| 470 | Does it work? | 有用吗? |
| 471 | Well, this is what a stable, unhappy marriage looks like. | 这才是稳定不愉快的婚姻 |
| 472 | Look at all the flows, look at the arrows. | 观一切流,观箭. |
| 473 | And what are they flowing toward? | 他们向什么方向流动? |
| 474 | A negative attractor for our bunnies in a storm, right? | 我们的兔子在暴风雨中的负面吸引器,对吧? |
| 475 | We don't like that. | 我们不喜欢这样 |
| 476 | And, well, what about divorced couples? | 那离婚的夫妇呢? |
| 477 | Well, it turns out with divorced couples, you get this picture. | 离婚的情侣都这样 你懂的 |
| 478 | There are three attractors in that negative-negative quadrant. | 负负四象限中有三个吸引者 |
| 479 | And one is unstable, the one between the two stars, | 一个是不稳定的, 是两星之间的一个, |
| 480 | and the two stars are unstable. | 两颗恒星都是不稳定的。 |
| 481 | So what we get there is turbulence. | 因此,我们得到的是动荡。 |
| 482 | Not only is there flow toward the negative-negative quadrant, | 不仅有流向负四象限, |
| 483 | but a lot of energy is expended as they move from one attractor to the other. | 但是当它们从一个吸引器转移到另一个吸引器时, 消耗了大量的能量。 |
| 484 | And turbulence is probably what predicts divorce | 而动荡可能是 预测离婚 |
| 485 | versus being in a stable, unhappy marriage. | 而不是在稳定,不愉快的婚姻。 |
| 486 | Now, I don't know which is worse, but they are different. | 我不知道哪一种更糟糕,但他们不一样。 |
| 487 | But the real test is what about good relationships, | 但真正的考验是好关系 |
| 488 | happy, stable relationships? | 幸福,稳定的关系? |
| 489 | How do they look? | 他们看起来怎么样? |
| 490 | And it turns out when you put this together with real data, | 当你把这些和真实数据合并起来时 |
| 491 | you get this picture. | 你得到这张照片。 |
| 492 | So, yes, it's true. | 所以,是的,这是真的。 |
| 493 | Happy, stable relationships have a positive attractor. | 快乐,稳定的关系有一个积极的吸引者。 |
| 494 | Very, very simple phase-space diagram. | 非常非常简单的相位图。 |
| 495 | And no matter where they start the conversation, | 不管他们在哪里开始谈话 |
| 496 | where that startup is, they'll go toward a positive place, | 在那里,启动是, 他们会去一个积极的地方, |
| 497 | which is kind of amazing. | 这有点惊人。 |
| 498 | That's the dynamics of a good relationship. | 这就是良好关系的动态. |
| 499 | So we did it. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 500 | We actually were able to describe mathematically the dynamics. | 我们实际上能够用数学来描述这些动态。 |
| 501 | Now, here's another thing you can do with the math. | 现在,还有一件事你可以做 数学。 |
| 502 | With the math, we can simulate any couple under imagined conditions. | 通过数学,我们可以模拟任何夫妇 在想象的条件下。 |
| 503 | In other words, we can do thought experiments. | 换句话说,我们可以做思想实验。 |
| 504 | We can do experiments by changing the parameters. | 我们可以通过改变参数来做实验. |
| 505 | And mathematically, we can select the best intervention | 在数学上,我们可以选择最好的干预 |
| 506 | to help a couple just using math. | 用数学帮助一对夫妇 |
| 507 | So, for example, here's a couple. | 比如说,这是一对夫妇。 |
| 508 | And what you see on the left are these sliders | 你左边看到的是这些滑板 |
| 509 | where we can change every parameter in the math equation. | 我们可以改变数学方程中的每个参数。 |
| 510 | We can change their startup. | 我们可以改变他们的开始。 |
| 511 | We can change their emotional inertia. | 我们可以改变他们的情绪惰性。 |
| 512 | We can change their repair threshold, | 我们可以改变他们的修理门槛 |
| 513 | how much they repair, when they repair. | 他们修理多少,当他们修理。 |
| 514 | And here we see the green lines that show us the influence functions | 在这里我们看到绿线 显示我们的影响功能 |
| 515 | and the arrows that show us the phase-space portrait, the flow. | 以及给我们展示相位画像的箭头 流动 |
| 516 | So let's take a look at an actual couple. | 让我们看看一对真正的夫妇。 |
| 517 | And here we see this couple are two bunnies in a storm. | 在这里,我们看到这对夫妇 是两个兔子在风暴。 |
| 518 | They have that negative attractor. | 他们有负面吸引器。 |
| 519 | And we can actually move the sliders to say, | 而我们实际上可以移动 滑子说, |
| 520 | what would they look like if their startup was just more positive? | 如果他们的启动更积极会是什么样子? |
| 521 | So we move, in this thought experiment, | 因此,我们移动, 在这个思想实验, |
| 522 | we move the couple to a more positive place | 我们把夫妻搬到一个更积极的地方 |
| 523 | by changing those parameters of startup. | 通过改变启动的参数。 |
| 524 | And then we take a look at what the result is of the math. | 然后我们来看看数学的结果。 |
| 525 | And look, they're two bunnies on the beach. | 你看,他们是两个兔子 在海滩上。 |
| 526 | They're in that positive, positive quadrant. | 它们在正向的四角形上 |
| 527 | And then all we need is a technology for changing startup, which we have. | 然后,我们只需要一种技术 来改变我们的启动。 |
| 528 | So we've created the technology for changing these parameters, | 所以我们创造了改变这些参数的技术 |
| 529 | and now the therapist can change their startups. | 现在治疗师可以改变他们的创业者。 |
| 530 | And then they get the magic. | 然后他们得到魔法。 |
| 531 | Research findings are that the magic does require this powerful trio | 研究发现魔法确实需要这个强大的三重奏 |
| 532 | of physiological calm, trust, and commitment, and we know how to build it. | 生动平静,信任和承诺, 我们知道如何建立它。 |
| 533 | So science did it. | 科学做到了。 |
| 534 | When the magic is there, we find that we get that 5 to 1 ratio. | 当魔法到来时,我们发现我们得到了5比1的比例。 |
| 535 | Now we can understand the magic, because with a positive attractor, | 现在我们能理解魔法了 因为有了积极的吸引者 |
| 536 | no matter where the conversation begins, | 不管谈话从哪里开始 |
| 537 | it will be drawn to the positive, positive quadrant. | 它将被引向正角,正角。 |
| 538 | We'll get the 5 to 1 ratio. | 我们会得到5比1的比例。 |
| 539 | Yahoo! | 亚虎! |
| 540 | There's the magic. | 这就是魔力 |
| 541 | So just to summarize, what we've really said is love relationships are important. | 简而言之,我们所说的爱情关系很重要。 |
| 542 | We can assess their strengths and challenges scientifically. | 我们可以科学地评估它们的长处和挑战。 |
| 543 | There is magic in love that lasts forever. | 爱情中有永恒的魔法 |
| 544 | We know that. | 我们知道这一点。 |
| 545 | And the 5 to 1 ratio indexes it. | 而5比1的比例指数。 |
| 546 | We have strong prediction. | 我们有很强的预言 |
| 547 | But we can mathematically model the magic. | 但我们可以在数学上模拟魔法 |
| 548 | The magic requires calm, trust, and commitment. | 魔法需要冷静、信任和承诺。 |
| 549 | And maybe we can help avoid disaster and help couples find their magic, | 也许我们可以帮助避免灾难 并帮助夫妇找到他们的魔法, |
| 550 | which is turning out to be true in randomized clinical trials. | 这在随机临床试验中是真实的 |
| 551 | So perhaps now the magic of great love is a bit less of a mystery. | 所以也许现在伟大的爱的魔力 已经不那么神秘了 |
| 552 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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