重拾女性性欲【TED演讲]
共 3 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] 中英双语 | 13:24 |
| P2 | 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] 英文字幕(中文外挂) | 13:24 |
| P3 | 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] 无字幕(中英外挂) | 13:24 |
P1 · 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] p01 中英双语 (P1)
![重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] p01 中英双语 (P1)](https://1zimu.com/subtitle/imgs/20261009/azu5icpn9d9vi02jk9px8bbm_1791536289877.jpg)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 0:07 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 0:10 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 0:12 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 0:15 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 0:18 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 0:21 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 0:25 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 0:28 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 0:31 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
展开字幕全文（261 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 2 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 3 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 4 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 5 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 6 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 7 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 8 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 9 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 10 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
| 11 | because believe it or not, | 因为信不信由你 |
| 12 | I wasn't always this comfortable talking about sex | 我不总是这么自在地谈论性 |
| 13 | in a room full of strangers. | 在一个充满陌生人的房间。 |
| 14 | I grew up in the Midwest, this is my family. | 我在中西部长大,这是我的家人。 |
| 15 | I was nailing the shy and awkward part of childhood, | 我被钉在 害羞和尴尬的童年部分, |
| 16 | as is evident by the photo of me | 从我的照片来看 |
| 17 | and the top right-hand corner, | 和右上角, |
| 18 | I had glasses and a bow on my head. | 我头上有眼镜和弓 |
| 19 | In a very uncharacteristic move for myself, | 在一个非常不典型的举动 对我来说, |
| 20 | when I went off to college, I flirted with this guy, | 当我去上大学, 我调情这家伙, |
| 21 | and we started dating. | 我们开始约会。 |
| 22 | My hormones and I were so excited | 我的荷尔蒙和我很兴奋 |
| 23 | about how things were going with this guy, | 关于事情如何 与这家伙, |
| 24 | that despite an abstinence pledge I had taken in church, | 尽管我在教堂承诺禁欲 |
| 25 | about six months into our relationship, | 我们交往了六个月左右 |
| 26 | I had sex for the first time. | 我第一次做爱 |
| 27 | It was great. | 这是伟大的。 |
| 28 | We eventually married, moved to California, | 我们最终结婚,搬到加州 |
| 29 | and started our careers in tech. | 开始了我们的技术生涯。 |
| 30 | It was my own personal fairy tale. | 那是我个人的童话故事 |
| 31 | As the years went by, however, | 然而,随着岁月的流逝, |
| 32 | I started to notice a trend. | 我开始注意到一个趋势。 |
| 33 | About every six to 12 months, | 大约每6到12个月, |
| 34 | my husband would tap me on the shoulder and say, | 我丈夫会拍我的肩膀说 |
| 35 | we need to talk. | 我们需要谈谈。 |
| 36 | We would sit down and he would look at me | 我们坐下 他看着我 |
| 37 | with a sense of rejection on his face and say, | 他脸上有拒绝的感觉 并说, |
| 38 | I want more sex. | 我想要更多的性爱。 |
| 39 | I would look back with this sense of guilt on my face | 我会带着这种愧疚感回头看 |
| 40 | and say, I don't, and I don't know why. | 并说,我不, 我不知道为什么。 |
| 41 | But we're engineers, so we'd put our thinking caps on, | 但是我们是工程师,所以我们把思绪盖上, |
| 42 | and we'd come up with solutions. | 我们想出解决办法 |
| 43 | Maybe you're familiar with some of these. | 也许你熟悉一些这些。 |
| 44 | There was the, I know, let's go on vacation solution. | 我知道,我们去度假吧 |
| 45 | There was that, it's probably hormonal, | 曾经,它可能是荷尔蒙, |
| 46 | I'll just change birth control solution. | 我只是改变节育方案。 |
| 47 | And of course, the ever popular weekly date night solution. | 当然,每周最受欢迎的约会之夜解决方案。 |
| 48 | We were good engineers, | 我们都是好工程师 |
| 49 | and all of these solutions worked for a little while. | 并且所有这些解决方案都奏效了一段时间。 |
| 50 | Fast forward 15 years, and this was my life. | 快速前进15年,这是我的生活。 |
| 51 | Pretty stereotypical scene of married with kids, right? | 和孩子结婚的陈规定型场景,对吧? |
| 52 | I was a busy working professional, | 我是一个忙于工作的专业, |
| 53 | and sex was at the very bottom of my to-do list. | 和性在我的待办事宜清单的底部。 |
| 54 | So the next time my husband came to me and said, | 所以下次我丈夫来找我说 |
| 55 | we need to talk, something felt different. | 我们得谈谈 感觉不一样 |
| 56 | It felt more serious this time, | 这次感觉更严重了 |
| 57 | like our fairytale was crumbling. | 就像我们的童话 崩溃。 |
| 58 | I decided to get myself checked out medically | 我决定让自己接受医学检查 |
| 59 | and went to my gynecologist and explained to her | 然后去找我的妇科医生 跟她解释 |
| 60 | that I'm really struggling with sexual desire. | 我真的在为性欲挣扎 |
| 61 | She laughed and responded, yes, | 她笑了起来,回答,是的 |
| 62 | you and every other woman in my practice. | 你和其他女人在我的练习。 |
| 63 | She really said that, you and every other woman. | 她真的这么说 你和其他女人 |
| 64 | Hyperbolic, maybe. | 双曲,也许。 |
| 65 | Relieving, definitely. | 解脱无疑. |
| 66 | But then she looked at my chart and said, | 然后她看了我的病历 然后说 |
| 67 | there's nothing wrong with you hormonally, | 荷尔蒙没什么问题, |
| 68 | the medical community doesn't really have anything | 医学界真的没有什么 |
| 69 | to offer you. | 为你提供。 |
| 70 | But then she reached in her drawer | 但后来她到了她的抽屉里 |
| 71 | and took out the business card | 把名片拿出来 |
| 72 | of her own personal therapist, | 她自己的个人治疗师, |
| 73 | handing it to me saying, this woman helped me, | 这个女人帮我 |
| 74 | maybe she can help you. | 也许她能帮你 |
| 75 | Well, I ran out to my car and I emailed her | 我跑到车边给她发了邮件 |
| 76 | and she responded back right away saying, | 她马上回信说 |
| 77 | I'm sorry, I'm fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 抱歉,我订满了 不接受新客户 |
| 78 | She gave me about a half a dozen other sex therapists though | 她给了我半打其他的性治疗师 |
| 79 | and I reached out to them and wouldn't you know it, | 我联系他们,你不知道, |
| 80 | fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 完全预订,不接受新客户。 |
| 81 | Now, the business side of me was like, wow, | 现在,我的商业方面 就像是,哇, |
| 82 | the market of people struggling with sex | 与性作斗争的人的市场 |
| 83 | really must be huge. | 肯定很厉害 |
| 84 | But the personal side of me was getting a little frustrated | 但我的私人方面有点沮丧 |
| 85 | so I got home, hopped online with my husband | 所以我回到家 和我丈夫一起上网 |
| 86 | and found the website of someone who called herself | 并找到一个网站 谁叫她自己 |
| 87 | a sex and relationship coach. | 性与关系教练。 |
| 88 | Now, I don't know about you, | 现在,我不知道你, |
| 89 | but I wasn't quite sure what a sex coach did | 但我不知道性教练做了什么 |
| 90 | so I called her up and she assured me | 所以我打电话给她 她向我保证 |
| 91 | we'd keep our clothes on in session | 我们会保持 我们的衣服在开会 |
| 92 | and so we booked an appointment. | 所以我们订了约 |
| 93 | A few days later, we're sitting in her office, | 几天后 我们在她办公室里 |
| 94 | starting to explain what's going on. | 开始解释发生了什么 |
| 95 | In a little ways through the story, | 从故事的某个方面来说, |
| 96 | she paused and asked me the first in a series | 她停下来问我系列的第一个 |
| 97 | of very important questions. | 非常重要的问题 |
| 98 | She said, what messages did you get about sex as a child? | 她说,你从小就得到什么信息? |
| 99 | Now, I paused because I never really thought | 我停下来是因为我从来没有想过 |
| 100 | about that before and as I searched back | 之前的事,当我找回来的时候 |
| 101 | through the archives of my memory, | 通过我的记忆档案 |
| 102 | I remember this time when I was six years old | 我记得我六岁的时候 |
| 103 | in a girlfriend's basement and she told me, | 在一个女朋友的地下室 她告诉我, |
| 104 | if you put your hands here and wiggle, it will feel good. | 如果你把你的手在这里,摇动, 它会感觉很好。 |
| 105 | Well, I tried it and it did actually feel pretty good. | 嗯,我试过了,它确实感觉很好。 |
| 106 | But as I was recounting that story, | 但当我重述这个故事时 |
| 107 | I realized that was the last positive message | 我意识到这是最后一个积极的信息 |
| 108 | I have gotten about sex for a very long time. | 我谈了很久了 |
| 109 | A few years later in the third grade, | 几年后,三年级, |
| 110 | I was at a shopping mall and I looked down the aisle | 我在一家购物中心,我看着过道 |
| 111 | and happened to see this man touching himself | 碰巧看到这个人在摸自己 |
| 112 | while looking back at me. | 一边回头看我 |
| 113 | The message I got there was that sex | 我得到的信息是性爱 |
| 114 | was for somebody else's pleasure | 是为了别人的乐趣 |
| 115 | and it made me feel kind of icky. | 这让我觉得有点恶心。 |
| 116 | Fast forward a few years later and you remember | 几年后快速前进,你还记得 |
| 117 | that sex education talk you got in the fifth grade? | 你五年级的性教育谈话? |
| 118 | Well, the message I heard there was that sex was dirty | 我听到的信息是 性是肮脏的 |
| 119 | and dangerous and that if I did it, | 和危险,如果我这样做, |
| 120 | I'd likely wind up pregnant or with a disease. | 我可能会怀孕或生病。 |
| 121 | My coach paused me at that point in the story | 我的教练在故事中暂停了我 |
| 122 | and said, wow, Pam, if those were the messages you received, | 并说,哇,帕姆, 如果这是你收到的消息, |
| 123 | no wonder you don't wanna have sex. | 难怪你不想做爱 |
| 124 | This huge wave of relief washed over me. | 这巨大的解脱浪潮冲过我 |
| 125 | I had been feeling broken, | 我一直觉得破碎, |
| 126 | like there was something wrong with me. | 好像我有点不对劲 |
| 127 | But it was beginning to dawn on me | 但是,它开始 黎明在我身上 |
| 128 | that all those princess fairy tale messages | 那些公主的童话信息 |
| 129 | that I had gotten since the age of two | 我从两岁开始就得到了 |
| 130 | that ended with a kiss and nothing more were really damaging. | 结束于一个吻, 没有更多的是真正的破坏性。 |
| 131 | How could I suppress the sexual side of myself for so long | 我怎么能压制我的性欲 这么久 |
| 132 | by receiving all these messages | 收到所有这些信件 |
| 133 | and then just expect to turn it back on again? | 然后再重新打开它? |
| 134 | My coach sensed it was the perfect time for a lifeline | 我的教练觉得这是生命线的最好时机 |
| 135 | because I was sitting there wondering, | 因为我坐在那里想, |
| 136 | how is it that any woman anywhere | 哪里有什么女人吗? |
| 137 | is having a healthy sex life given this culture? | 是否有健康的性生活 有这种文化? |
| 138 | And she said to me, it's okay to stay exactly as you are. | 她对我说,保持原样没关系 |
| 139 | There's no right way to live a sex life. | 性生活无正法. |
| 140 | But I'm curious, would you like to reconnect | 但我很好奇,你想重新连接一下吗? |
| 141 | with that part of yourself | 与你的这部分 |
| 142 | that you've been disconnected with for so long? | 你被切断了这么久? |
| 143 | Well, I said yes. | 我答应了 |
| 144 | And over the next several months, | 在接下来的几个月里 |
| 145 | I learned to connect to my body | 我学会了连接我的身体 |
| 146 | through focusing on little things throughout my day | 通过全天关注小事 |
| 147 | that bring me physical pleasure. | 带给我身体的乐趣。 |
| 148 | For instance, like a hot shower, a soft sweater, | 例如,像热淋浴,软毛衣, |
| 149 | the feeling of sunshine on my face. | 我脸上有阳光的感觉 |
| 150 | I learned how to connect those feelings of pleasure | 我学会了如何连接那些快乐的感觉 |
| 151 | to those feelings of pleasure. | 给那些快乐的感觉 |
| 152 | And in doing so, I realized my pathway | 这样做,我意识到我的路径 |
| 153 | to desire and arousal looks very different from my husband's. | 欲望和激动与我丈夫的很不一样 |
| 154 | It's slower to build, but can often reach higher heights. | 建造速度较慢,但往往可以达到更高的高度. |
| 155 | Well, this was really exciting to me. | 嗯,这真的让我兴奋。 |
| 156 | I started to wonder, what if I shared my story | 我开始怀疑 如果我分享我的故事 |
| 157 | with other women? | 和别的女人? |
| 158 | So even though it scared the crap out of me | 所以,尽管它吓死我了 |
| 159 | to even think about talking about this with anybody else, | 甚至想着和别人谈谈这件事, |
| 160 | I pulled out my phone, I messaged a few girlfriends, | 我拔出手机,给几个女朋友留言 |
| 161 | and moments later, they were writing me back. | 后来 他们给我回信了 |
| 162 | Oh my gosh, I'm having the same experience. | 哦,我的天哪,我有同样的经历。 |
| 163 | Or, oh, yes, but it's my partner | 或者,哦,是的,但这是我的搭档 |
| 164 | who's having that experience. | 谁有这种经历。 |
| 165 | And then one of them wrote me and said | 然后其中一人写信给我说 |
| 166 | a very bold statement | 一个非常大胆的发言 |
| 167 | that changed the collective trajectory of our lives. | 这改变了我们的集体生活轨迹。 |
| 168 | And she said, let's get together and talk about this. | 她说,让我们一起讨论这个。 |
| 169 | So we did. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 170 | The next Sunday, we met in the park. | 下星期天 我们在公园里相遇了 |
| 171 | We all came wearing yoga clothes | 我们都是穿瑜伽服来的 |
| 172 | because we couldn't tell our partners where we were going. | 因为我们无法告诉我们的伙伴 我们要去哪里。 |
| 173 | No joke. | 别开玩笑了 |
| 174 | That meeting was full of laughter. | 那次会议充满了笑声。 |
| 175 | It was full of tears. | 满是泪水 |
| 176 | It felt so profound that we decided to get together monthly. | 感觉如此深刻,我们决定每月聚在一起。 |
| 177 | We kept meeting, same park, | 我们一直见面 同一个公园 |
| 178 | and we realized no topic was off limits. | 我们意识到没有话题是禁止的。 |
| 179 | First, we talked about social messages that we'd heard. | 首先,我们讨论了我们听到的社会信息。 |
| 180 | We talked about the messages | 我们谈了消息 |
| 181 | we would have liked to have heard instead. | 我们本来想听听的 |
| 182 | We talked about masturbation, how we learned it, | 我们谈论了手淫,我们是如何学会的, |
| 183 | whether we do it. | 不管我们这样做。 |
| 184 | We talked about fantasy, what we fantasize about, | 我们谈论幻想,我们幻想什么, |
| 185 | and if we don't, what's holding us back? | 如果我们不这样做,有什么阻碍我们? |
| 186 | At the end of the year, | 年终时. |
| 187 | I looked around at these group of women | 我四处看了这群女人 |
| 188 | and I was really surprised at what I saw. | 我对所见所闻感到惊讶 |
| 189 | All of their lives had changed. | 他们的生活都发生了变化。 |
| 190 | Many were experiencing better sex and better relationships | 许多人的性行为和关系都有所改善 |
| 191 | just from talking about sex with their girlfriends. | 只是从谈论 性与他们的女朋友。 |
| 192 | This was fascinating to me. | 这对我来说是迷人的。 |
| 193 | I started attending medical and mental health conferences | 我开始参加医疗和心理健康会议 |
| 194 | to learn more, you know, as like a hobby, a part-time thing. | 学习更多,你知道, 作为一个爱好,一个兼职的事情。 |
| 195 | Because my day job was that of a data scientist, | 因为我的日常工作是数据科学家 |
| 196 | I decided to look at the numbers. | 我决定看看数字。 |
| 197 | And I learned that over 40% of women | 我了解到40%以上的女性 |
| 198 | at any one point in time | 在任何时刻 |
| 199 | are struggling with some aspect of sexual function. | 性功能的某个方面正在挣扎。 |
| 200 | I also learned there's new pharmaceutical options | 我也得知有新的药方 |
| 201 | on the market that have debatable effectiveness | B. 市场上具有争议效力的 |
| 202 | and plenty of side effects. | 还有很多副作用 |
| 203 | Of course, I learned about sex therapy and sex coaching | 当然,我学会了性治疗和性辅导 |
| 204 | and that if you had financial means and geographical access | 如果你有经济手段和地理条件 |
| 205 | to someone who is well-trained, that was an option to you. | 给训练有素的人, 这是你的一个选择。 |
| 206 | But I was wondering what is happening | 但我想知道发生了什么 |
| 207 | with this group of friends | 和这群朋友 |
| 208 | who are just sitting around talking about sex? | 谁只是坐着谈论性? |
| 209 | I actually got so excited about it | 我真的很兴奋 |
| 210 | that I came home one day to my husband and I said, | 有一天我回到家 对我的丈夫说, |
| 211 | that's it, I'm quitting my day job | 就是这样,我要辞去我的日常工作 |
| 212 | and I'm going back to school to research | 我要回学校去研究 |
| 213 | what effect peer support groups have on female sexual health. | 同伴支助小组对女性性健康有何影响。 |
| 214 | I'm thrilled to be here just a few years later | 我很高兴能在这里待几年 |
| 215 | to share with you what happens when hundreds of women | 和你们分享 数百个女人的遭遇 |
| 216 | aged 25 to 65 meet in living rooms across the globe | 25至65岁在全球的客厅聚会 |
| 217 | to talk about their experiences of sex. | 谈论他们的性经历。 |
| 218 | Overall sexual function increases 20%. | 总的性功能增加20%. |
| 219 | When you break that down by subcategories, | 当你按子类分解 |
| 220 | desire, arousal, orgasm, | 欲望,激动,高潮, |
| 221 | the increases range from 16 to 26%. | 增长幅度从16%到26%不等。 |
| 222 | Distress about sexuality decreases almost 30%. | 对性行为的困扰减少了近30%。 |
| 223 | And these women didn't meet for a year. | 这些女人一年没见面了 |
| 224 | They met for four weeks. | 他们相识了四个星期。 |
| 225 | These changes are in line with any other medical | 这些变化符合任何其他医疗要求。 |
| 226 | and mental health intervention on the market. | 以及市场上的心理健康干预。 |
| 227 | And it doesn't take a therapist, | 也不需要治疗师 |
| 228 | it doesn't take a facilitator, | 它不需要一个调解人, |
| 229 | it doesn't take medication. | 它不服用药物。 |
| 230 | All it takes is women being brave enough | 只要女人有足够的勇气 |
| 231 | to sit down together and talk about sex. | 一起坐下来谈性 |
| 232 | There's actually only one guideline for the group | 其实这个团体只有一个准则 |
| 233 | and that was that we are not allowed to share advice | 那就是不允许我们分享建议 |
| 234 | as women really like to share advice | 作为女性真正喜欢分享建议 |
| 235 | but these groups were about sharing experiences. | 但这些团体是为了分享经验。 |
| 236 | The qualitative part of my study showed | 我的研究的质量部分显示 |
| 237 | that when women get together and share their experiences, | 当妇女聚在一起分享她们的经验的时候, |
| 238 | not only do they feel normalized | 他们不仅觉得正常 |
| 239 | in their own personal experiences | 个人经历 |
| 240 | but they also feel inspired and empowered | 但他们也感到灵感和力量 |
| 241 | to explore more about their own sexuality. | 探索更多关于自己的性欲。 |
| 242 | Of course in talking to their girlfriends about sex, | 当然,在与他们的女友谈论性, |
| 243 | they gain communication skills that translate | 他们掌握了翻译的交流技能 |
| 244 | into being able to speak with their partners about sex. | 和他们的伴侣谈论性 |
| 245 | But by far the most exciting thing | 但到目前为止,最令人兴奋的事情 |
| 246 | that I found in my research was that the women | 我在研究中发现 那些女人 |
| 247 | with children reported being able to talk | 据报儿童能够交谈 |
| 248 | to their kids about sex for the first time. | 第一次跟孩子谈性 |
| 249 | These groups were having a multi-generational impact. | 这些群体正在产生多代影响。 |
| 250 | What started as a personal journey has led me to talk | 开始的私人旅程让我不得不说 |
| 251 | to a growing number of people about my sexual experiences. | 对越来越多的人来说 我的性经历。 |
| 252 | First my gynecologist, then my coach, my friends, | 首先我的妇科医生,然后我的教练,我的朋友, |
| 253 | research participants, and now you. | 研究参与者,现在你。 |
| 254 | I know things are shifting for those that I've talked with | 我知道有些事要改变,我和他们谈过了 |
| 255 | which makes me wonder what if thousands or millions | 这让我怀疑,如果数千或数百万 |
| 256 | had the opportunity to talk to a trusted friend | 有机会和一个信任的朋友交谈 |
| 257 | about their sexual experiences? | 关于他们的性经历? |
| 258 | What if you reached out to a woman you know | 如果你联系到一个你认识的女人 |
| 259 | and asked her about her experiences, | 问她的经历, |
| 260 | particularly those that bring her pleasure and joy? | 尤其是那些带给她快乐和喜悦的人? |
| 261 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 261 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P2 · 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] p02 英文字幕(中文外挂) (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 0:07 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 0:10 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 0:12 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 0:15 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 0:18 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 0:21 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 0:25 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 0:28 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 0:31 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
展开字幕全文（261 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 2 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 3 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 4 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 5 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 6 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 7 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 8 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 9 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 10 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
| 11 | because believe it or not, | 因为信不信由你 |
| 12 | I wasn't always this comfortable talking about sex | 我不总是这么自在地谈论性 |
| 13 | in a room full of strangers. | 在一个充满陌生人的房间。 |
| 14 | I grew up in the Midwest, this is my family. | 我在中西部长大,这是我的家人。 |
| 15 | I was nailing the shy and awkward part of childhood, | 我被钉在 害羞和尴尬的童年部分, |
| 16 | as is evident by the photo of me | 从我的照片来看 |
| 17 | and the top right-hand corner, | 和右上角, |
| 18 | I had glasses and a bow on my head. | 我头上有眼镜和弓 |
| 19 | In a very uncharacteristic move for myself, | 在一个非常不典型的举动 对我来说, |
| 20 | when I went off to college, I flirted with this guy, | 当我去上大学, 我调情这家伙, |
| 21 | and we started dating. | 我们开始约会。 |
| 22 | My hormones and I were so excited | 我的荷尔蒙和我很兴奋 |
| 23 | about how things were going with this guy, | 关于事情如何 与这家伙, |
| 24 | that despite an abstinence pledge I had taken in church, | 尽管我在教堂承诺禁欲 |
| 25 | about six months into our relationship, | 我们交往了六个月左右 |
| 26 | I had sex for the first time. | 我第一次做爱 |
| 27 | It was great. | 这是伟大的。 |
| 28 | We eventually married, moved to California, | 我们最终结婚,搬到加州 |
| 29 | and started our careers in tech. | 开始了我们的技术生涯。 |
| 30 | It was my own personal fairy tale. | 那是我个人的童话故事 |
| 31 | As the years went by, however, | 然而,随着岁月的流逝, |
| 32 | I started to notice a trend. | 我开始注意到一个趋势。 |
| 33 | About every six to 12 months, | 大约每6到12个月, |
| 34 | my husband would tap me on the shoulder and say, | 我丈夫会拍我的肩膀说 |
| 35 | we need to talk. | 我们需要谈谈。 |
| 36 | We would sit down and he would look at me | 我们坐下 他看着我 |
| 37 | with a sense of rejection on his face and say, | 他脸上有拒绝的感觉 并说, |
| 38 | I want more sex. | 我想要更多的性爱。 |
| 39 | I would look back with this sense of guilt on my face | 我会带着这种愧疚感回头看 |
| 40 | and say, I don't, and I don't know why. | 并说,我不, 我不知道为什么。 |
| 41 | But we're engineers, so we'd put our thinking caps on, | 但是我们是工程师,所以我们把思绪盖上, |
| 42 | and we'd come up with solutions. | 我们想出解决办法 |
| 43 | Maybe you're familiar with some of these. | 也许你熟悉一些这些。 |
| 44 | There was the, I know, let's go on vacation solution. | 我知道,我们去度假吧 |
| 45 | There was that, it's probably hormonal, | 曾经,它可能是荷尔蒙, |
| 46 | I'll just change birth control solution. | 我只是改变节育方案。 |
| 47 | And of course, the ever popular weekly date night solution. | 当然,每周最受欢迎的约会之夜解决方案。 |
| 48 | We were good engineers, | 我们都是好工程师 |
| 49 | and all of these solutions worked for a little while. | 并且所有这些解决方案都奏效了一段时间。 |
| 50 | Fast forward 15 years, and this was my life. | 快速前进15年,这是我的生活。 |
| 51 | Pretty stereotypical scene of married with kids, right? | 和孩子结婚的陈规定型场景,对吧? |
| 52 | I was a busy working professional, | 我是一个忙于工作的专业, |
| 53 | and sex was at the very bottom of my to-do list. | 和性在我的待办事宜清单的底部。 |
| 54 | So the next time my husband came to me and said, | 所以下次我丈夫来找我说 |
| 55 | we need to talk, something felt different. | 我们得谈谈 感觉不一样 |
| 56 | It felt more serious this time, | 这次感觉更严重了 |
| 57 | like our fairytale was crumbling. | 就像我们的童话 崩溃。 |
| 58 | I decided to get myself checked out medically | 我决定让自己接受医学检查 |
| 59 | and went to my gynecologist and explained to her | 然后去找我的妇科医生 跟她解释 |
| 60 | that I'm really struggling with sexual desire. | 我真的在为性欲挣扎 |
| 61 | She laughed and responded, yes, | 她笑了起来,回答,是的 |
| 62 | you and every other woman in my practice. | 你和其他女人在我的练习。 |
| 63 | She really said that, you and every other woman. | 她真的这么说 你和其他女人 |
| 64 | Hyperbolic, maybe. | 双曲,也许。 |
| 65 | Relieving, definitely. | 解脱无疑. |
| 66 | But then she looked at my chart and said, | 然后她看了我的病历 然后说 |
| 67 | there's nothing wrong with you hormonally, | 荷尔蒙没什么问题, |
| 68 | the medical community doesn't really have anything | 医学界真的没有什么 |
| 69 | to offer you. | 为你提供。 |
| 70 | But then she reached in her drawer | 但后来她到了她的抽屉里 |
| 71 | and took out the business card | 把名片拿出来 |
| 72 | of her own personal therapist, | 她自己的个人治疗师, |
| 73 | handing it to me saying, this woman helped me, | 这个女人帮我 |
| 74 | maybe she can help you. | 也许她能帮你 |
| 75 | Well, I ran out to my car and I emailed her | 我跑到车边给她发了邮件 |
| 76 | and she responded back right away saying, | 她马上回信说 |
| 77 | I'm sorry, I'm fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 抱歉,我订满了 不接受新客户 |
| 78 | She gave me about a half a dozen other sex therapists though | 她给了我半打其他的性治疗师 |
| 79 | and I reached out to them and wouldn't you know it, | 我联系他们,你不知道, |
| 80 | fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 完全预订,不接受新客户。 |
| 81 | Now, the business side of me was like, wow, | 现在,我的商业方面 就像是,哇, |
| 82 | the market of people struggling with sex | 与性作斗争的人的市场 |
| 83 | really must be huge. | 肯定很厉害 |
| 84 | But the personal side of me was getting a little frustrated | 但我的私人方面有点沮丧 |
| 85 | so I got home, hopped online with my husband | 所以我回到家 和我丈夫一起上网 |
| 86 | and found the website of someone who called herself | 并找到一个网站 谁叫她自己 |
| 87 | a sex and relationship coach. | 性与关系教练。 |
| 88 | Now, I don't know about you, | 现在,我不知道你, |
| 89 | but I wasn't quite sure what a sex coach did | 但我不知道性教练做了什么 |
| 90 | so I called her up and she assured me | 所以我打电话给她 她向我保证 |
| 91 | we'd keep our clothes on in session | 我们会保持 我们的衣服在开会 |
| 92 | and so we booked an appointment. | 所以我们订了约 |
| 93 | A few days later, we're sitting in her office, | 几天后 我们在她办公室里 |
| 94 | starting to explain what's going on. | 开始解释发生了什么 |
| 95 | In a little ways through the story, | 从故事的某个方面来说, |
| 96 | she paused and asked me the first in a series | 她停下来问我系列的第一个 |
| 97 | of very important questions. | 非常重要的问题 |
| 98 | She said, what messages did you get about sex as a child? | 她说,你从小就得到什么信息? |
| 99 | Now, I paused because I never really thought | 我停下来是因为我从来没有想过 |
| 100 | about that before and as I searched back | 之前的事,当我找回来的时候 |
| 101 | through the archives of my memory, | 通过我的记忆档案 |
| 102 | I remember this time when I was six years old | 我记得我六岁的时候 |
| 103 | in a girlfriend's basement and she told me, | 在一个女朋友的地下室 她告诉我, |
| 104 | if you put your hands here and wiggle, it will feel good. | 如果你把你的手在这里,摇动, 它会感觉很好。 |
| 105 | Well, I tried it and it did actually feel pretty good. | 嗯,我试过了,它确实感觉很好。 |
| 106 | But as I was recounting that story, | 但当我重述这个故事时 |
| 107 | I realized that was the last positive message | 我意识到这是最后一个积极的信息 |
| 108 | I have gotten about sex for a very long time. | 我谈了很久了 |
| 109 | A few years later in the third grade, | 几年后,三年级, |
| 110 | I was at a shopping mall and I looked down the aisle | 我在一家购物中心,我看着过道 |
| 111 | and happened to see this man touching himself | 碰巧看到这个人在摸自己 |
| 112 | while looking back at me. | 一边回头看我 |
| 113 | The message I got there was that sex | 我得到的信息是性爱 |
| 114 | was for somebody else's pleasure | 是为了别人的乐趣 |
| 115 | and it made me feel kind of icky. | 这让我觉得有点恶心。 |
| 116 | Fast forward a few years later and you remember | 几年后快速前进,你还记得 |
| 117 | that sex education talk you got in the fifth grade? | 你五年级的性教育谈话? |
| 118 | Well, the message I heard there was that sex was dirty | 我听到的信息是 性是肮脏的 |
| 119 | and dangerous and that if I did it, | 和危险,如果我这样做, |
| 120 | I'd likely wind up pregnant or with a disease. | 我可能会怀孕或生病。 |
| 121 | My coach paused me at that point in the story | 我的教练在故事中暂停了我 |
| 122 | and said, wow, Pam, if those were the messages you received, | 并说,哇,帕姆, 如果这是你收到的消息, |
| 123 | no wonder you don't wanna have sex. | 难怪你不想做爱 |
| 124 | This huge wave of relief washed over me. | 这巨大的解脱浪潮冲过我 |
| 125 | I had been feeling broken, | 我一直觉得破碎, |
| 126 | like there was something wrong with me. | 好像我有点不对劲 |
| 127 | But it was beginning to dawn on me | 但是,它开始 黎明在我身上 |
| 128 | that all those princess fairy tale messages | 那些公主的童话信息 |
| 129 | that I had gotten since the age of two | 我从两岁开始就得到了 |
| 130 | that ended with a kiss and nothing more were really damaging. | 结束于一个吻, 没有更多的是真正的破坏性。 |
| 131 | How could I suppress the sexual side of myself for so long | 我怎么能压制我的性欲 这么久 |
| 132 | by receiving all these messages | 收到所有这些信件 |
| 133 | and then just expect to turn it back on again? | 然后再重新打开它? |
| 134 | My coach sensed it was the perfect time for a lifeline | 我的教练觉得这是生命线的最好时机 |
| 135 | because I was sitting there wondering, | 因为我坐在那里想, |
| 136 | how is it that any woman anywhere | 哪里有什么女人吗? |
| 137 | is having a healthy sex life given this culture? | 是否有健康的性生活 有这种文化? |
| 138 | And she said to me, it's okay to stay exactly as you are. | 她对我说,保持原样没关系 |
| 139 | There's no right way to live a sex life. | 性生活无正法. |
| 140 | But I'm curious, would you like to reconnect | 但我很好奇,你想重新连接一下吗? |
| 141 | with that part of yourself | 与你的这部分 |
| 142 | that you've been disconnected with for so long? | 你被切断了这么久? |
| 143 | Well, I said yes. | 我答应了 |
| 144 | And over the next several months, | 在接下来的几个月里 |
| 145 | I learned to connect to my body | 我学会了连接我的身体 |
| 146 | through focusing on little things throughout my day | 通过全天关注小事 |
| 147 | that bring me physical pleasure. | 带给我身体的乐趣。 |
| 148 | For instance, like a hot shower, a soft sweater, | 例如,像热淋浴,软毛衣, |
| 149 | the feeling of sunshine on my face. | 我脸上有阳光的感觉 |
| 150 | I learned how to connect those feelings of pleasure | 我学会了如何连接那些快乐的感觉 |
| 151 | to those feelings of pleasure. | 给那些快乐的感觉 |
| 152 | And in doing so, I realized my pathway | 这样做,我意识到我的路径 |
| 153 | to desire and arousal looks very different from my husband's. | 欲望和激动与我丈夫的很不一样 |
| 154 | It's slower to build, but can often reach higher heights. | 建造速度较慢,但往往可以达到更高的高度. |
| 155 | Well, this was really exciting to me. | 嗯,这真的让我兴奋。 |
| 156 | I started to wonder, what if I shared my story | 我开始怀疑 如果我分享我的故事 |
| 157 | with other women? | 和别的女人? |
| 158 | So even though it scared the crap out of me | 所以,尽管它吓死我了 |
| 159 | to even think about talking about this with anybody else, | 甚至想着和别人谈谈这件事, |
| 160 | I pulled out my phone, I messaged a few girlfriends, | 我拔出手机,给几个女朋友留言 |
| 161 | and moments later, they were writing me back. | 后来 他们给我回信了 |
| 162 | Oh my gosh, I'm having the same experience. | 哦,我的天哪,我有同样的经历。 |
| 163 | Or, oh, yes, but it's my partner | 或者,哦,是的,但这是我的搭档 |
| 164 | who's having that experience. | 谁有这种经历。 |
| 165 | And then one of them wrote me and said | 然后其中一人写信给我说 |
| 166 | a very bold statement | 一个非常大胆的发言 |
| 167 | that changed the collective trajectory of our lives. | 这改变了我们的集体生活轨迹。 |
| 168 | And she said, let's get together and talk about this. | 她说,让我们一起讨论这个。 |
| 169 | So we did. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 170 | The next Sunday, we met in the park. | 下星期天 我们在公园里相遇了 |
| 171 | We all came wearing yoga clothes | 我们都是穿瑜伽服来的 |
| 172 | because we couldn't tell our partners where we were going. | 因为我们无法告诉我们的伙伴 我们要去哪里。 |
| 173 | No joke. | 别开玩笑了 |
| 174 | That meeting was full of laughter. | 那次会议充满了笑声。 |
| 175 | It was full of tears. | 满是泪水 |
| 176 | It felt so profound that we decided to get together monthly. | 感觉如此深刻,我们决定每月聚在一起。 |
| 177 | We kept meeting, same park, | 我们一直见面 同一个公园 |
| 178 | and we realized no topic was off limits. | 我们意识到没有话题是禁止的。 |
| 179 | First, we talked about social messages that we'd heard. | 首先,我们讨论了我们听到的社会信息。 |
| 180 | We talked about the messages | 我们谈了消息 |
| 181 | we would have liked to have heard instead. | 我们本来想听听的 |
| 182 | We talked about masturbation, how we learned it, | 我们谈论了手淫,我们是如何学会的, |
| 183 | whether we do it. | 不管我们这样做。 |
| 184 | We talked about fantasy, what we fantasize about, | 我们谈论幻想,我们幻想什么, |
| 185 | and if we don't, what's holding us back? | 如果我们不这样做,有什么阻碍我们? |
| 186 | At the end of the year, | 年终时. |
| 187 | I looked around at these group of women | 我四处看了这群女人 |
| 188 | and I was really surprised at what I saw. | 我对所见所闻感到惊讶 |
| 189 | All of their lives had changed. | 他们的生活都发生了变化。 |
| 190 | Many were experiencing better sex and better relationships | 许多人的性行为和关系都有所改善 |
| 191 | just from talking about sex with their girlfriends. | 只是从谈论 性与他们的女朋友。 |
| 192 | This was fascinating to me. | 这对我来说是迷人的。 |
| 193 | I started attending medical and mental health conferences | 我开始参加医疗和心理健康会议 |
| 194 | to learn more, you know, as like a hobby, a part-time thing. | 学习更多,你知道, 作为一个爱好,一个兼职的事情。 |
| 195 | Because my day job was that of a data scientist, | 因为我的日常工作是数据科学家 |
| 196 | I decided to look at the numbers. | 我决定看看数字。 |
| 197 | And I learned that over 40% of women | 我了解到40%以上的女性 |
| 198 | at any one point in time | 在任何时刻 |
| 199 | are struggling with some aspect of sexual function. | 性功能的某个方面正在挣扎。 |
| 200 | I also learned there's new pharmaceutical options | 我也得知有新的药方 |
| 201 | on the market that have debatable effectiveness | B. 市场上具有争议效力的 |
| 202 | and plenty of side effects. | 还有很多副作用 |
| 203 | Of course, I learned about sex therapy and sex coaching | 当然,我学会了性治疗和性辅导 |
| 204 | and that if you had financial means and geographical access | 如果你有经济手段和地理条件 |
| 205 | to someone who is well-trained, that was an option to you. | 给训练有素的人, 这是你的一个选择。 |
| 206 | But I was wondering what is happening | 但我想知道发生了什么 |
| 207 | with this group of friends | 和这群朋友 |
| 208 | who are just sitting around talking about sex? | 谁只是坐着谈论性? |
| 209 | I actually got so excited about it | 我真的很兴奋 |
| 210 | that I came home one day to my husband and I said, | 有一天我回到家 对我的丈夫说, |
| 211 | that's it, I'm quitting my day job | 就是这样,我要辞去我的日常工作 |
| 212 | and I'm going back to school to research | 我要回学校去研究 |
| 213 | what effect peer support groups have on female sexual health. | 同伴支助小组对女性性健康有何影响。 |
| 214 | I'm thrilled to be here just a few years later | 我很高兴能在这里待几年 |
| 215 | to share with you what happens when hundreds of women | 和你们分享 数百个女人的遭遇 |
| 216 | aged 25 to 65 meet in living rooms across the globe | 25至65岁在全球的客厅聚会 |
| 217 | to talk about their experiences of sex. | 谈论他们的性经历。 |
| 218 | Overall sexual function increases 20%. | 总的性功能增加20%. |
| 219 | When you break that down by subcategories, | 当你按子类分解 |
| 220 | desire, arousal, orgasm, | 欲望,激动,高潮, |
| 221 | the increases range from 16 to 26%. | 增长幅度从16%到26%不等。 |
| 222 | Distress about sexuality decreases almost 30%. | 对性行为的困扰减少了近30%。 |
| 223 | And these women didn't meet for a year. | 这些女人一年没见面了 |
| 224 | They met for four weeks. | 他们相识了四个星期。 |
| 225 | These changes are in line with any other medical | 这些变化符合任何其他医疗要求。 |
| 226 | and mental health intervention on the market. | 以及市场上的心理健康干预。 |
| 227 | And it doesn't take a therapist, | 也不需要治疗师 |
| 228 | it doesn't take a facilitator, | 它不需要一个调解人, |
| 229 | it doesn't take medication. | 它不服用药物。 |
| 230 | All it takes is women being brave enough | 只要女人有足够的勇气 |
| 231 | to sit down together and talk about sex. | 一起坐下来谈性 |
| 232 | There's actually only one guideline for the group | 其实这个团体只有一个准则 |
| 233 | and that was that we are not allowed to share advice | 那就是不允许我们分享建议 |
| 234 | as women really like to share advice | 作为女性真正喜欢分享建议 |
| 235 | but these groups were about sharing experiences. | 但这些团体是为了分享经验。 |
| 236 | The qualitative part of my study showed | 我的研究的质量部分显示 |
| 237 | that when women get together and share their experiences, | 当妇女聚在一起分享她们的经验的时候, |
| 238 | not only do they feel normalized | 他们不仅觉得正常 |
| 239 | in their own personal experiences | 个人经历 |
| 240 | but they also feel inspired and empowered | 但他们也感到灵感和力量 |
| 241 | to explore more about their own sexuality. | 探索更多关于自己的性欲。 |
| 242 | Of course in talking to their girlfriends about sex, | 当然,在与他们的女友谈论性, |
| 243 | they gain communication skills that translate | 他们掌握了翻译的交流技能 |
| 244 | into being able to speak with their partners about sex. | 和他们的伴侣谈论性 |
| 245 | But by far the most exciting thing | 但到目前为止,最令人兴奋的事情 |
| 246 | that I found in my research was that the women | 我在研究中发现 那些女人 |
| 247 | with children reported being able to talk | 据报儿童能够交谈 |
| 248 | to their kids about sex for the first time. | 第一次跟孩子谈性 |
| 249 | These groups were having a multi-generational impact. | 这些群体正在产生多代影响。 |
| 250 | What started as a personal journey has led me to talk | 开始的私人旅程让我不得不说 |
| 251 | to a growing number of people about my sexual experiences. | 对越来越多的人来说 我的性经历。 |
| 252 | First my gynecologist, then my coach, my friends, | 首先我的妇科医生,然后我的教练,我的朋友, |
| 253 | research participants, and now you. | 研究参与者,现在你。 |
| 254 | I know things are shifting for those that I've talked with | 我知道有些事要改变,我和他们谈过了 |
| 255 | which makes me wonder what if thousands or millions | 这让我怀疑,如果数千或数百万 |
| 256 | had the opportunity to talk to a trusted friend | 有机会和一个信任的朋友交谈 |
| 257 | about their sexual experiences? | 关于他们的性经历? |
| 258 | What if you reached out to a woman you know | 如果你联系到一个你认识的女人 |
| 259 | and asked her about her experiences, | 问她的经历, |
| 260 | particularly those that bring her pleasure and joy? | 尤其是那些带给她快乐和喜悦的人? |
| 261 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
该视频共有字幕 262 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P3 · 重拾女性性欲【TED演讲] p03 无字幕(中英外挂) (P3)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 0:07 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 0:10 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 0:12 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 0:15 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 0:18 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 0:21 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 0:25 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 0:28 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 0:31 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
展开字幕全文（256 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Hi, I'm Pam Costa, and I struggle with sexual desire. | 嗨,我是帕姆・科斯塔, 我挣扎与性欲。 |
| 2 | Now that sounded a little like the start to an AA meeting, | 现在这听起来有点像 开始AA会议, |
| 3 | and in many respects it is, | 在许多方面, |
| 4 | because I struggle with sexual desire, | 因为我在性欲中挣扎 |
| 5 | and I'm guessing many of you do as well. | 我猜你们很多人也一样 |
| 6 | Now I'm a researcher, so I'm gonna make the hypothesis | 现在,我是一个研究员, 所以我要去做假设 |
| 7 | that if I share about my experiences with you, | 如果我跟你分享我的经验 |
| 8 | that you will feel less alone in your experiences, | 在经历中,你将感到不那么孤独, |
| 9 | and may be empowered to do something about them. | 并可能获得权力 做一些事情给他们。 |
| 10 | Now it might be helpful to back up again, | 现在,也许它有帮助 再次备份, |
| 11 | because believe it or not, I wasn't always this comfortable | 信不信由你 我并不总是这么舒服 |
| 12 | talking about sex in a room full of strangers. | 在一个充满陌生人的房间里谈论性 |
| 13 | I grew up in the Midwest, this is my family. | 我在中西部长大,这是我的家人。 |
| 14 | I was nailing the shy and awkward part of childhood, | 我被钉在 害羞和尴尬的童年部分, |
| 15 | as is evident by the photo of me | 从我的照片来看 |
| 16 | and the top right-hand corner, | 和右上角, |
| 17 | I had glasses and a bow on my head. | 我头上有眼镜和弓 |
| 18 | In a very uncharacteristic move for myself, | 在一个非常不典型的举动 对我来说, |
| 19 | when I went off to college, I flirted with this guy, | 当我去上大学, 我调情这家伙, |
| 20 | and we started dating. | 我们开始约会。 |
| 21 | My hormones and I were so excited | 我的荷尔蒙和我很兴奋 |
| 22 | about how things were going with this guy, | 关于事情如何 与这家伙, |
| 23 | that despite an abstinence pledge I had taken in church, | 尽管我在教堂承诺禁欲 |
| 24 | about six months into our relationship, | 我们交往了六个月左右 |
| 25 | I had sex for the first time. | 我第一次做爱 |
| 26 | It was great. | 这是伟大的。 |
| 27 | We eventually married, moved to California, | 我们最终结婚,搬到加州 |
| 28 | and started our careers in tech. | 开始了我们的技术生涯。 |
| 29 | It was my own personal fairy tale. | 那是我个人的童话故事 |
| 30 | As the years went by, however, I started to notice a trend. | 然而,随着岁月的流逝,我开始注意到一种趋势。 |
| 31 | About every six to 12 months, | 大约每6到12个月, |
| 32 | my husband would tap me on the shoulder and say, | 我丈夫会拍我的肩膀说 |
| 33 | we need to talk. | 我们需要谈谈。 |
| 34 | We would sit down and he would look at me | 我们坐下 他看着我 |
| 35 | with a sense of rejection on his face and say, | 他脸上有拒绝的感觉 并说, |
| 36 | I want more sex. | 我想要更多的性爱。 |
| 37 | I would look back with this sense of guilt on my face | 我会带着这种愧疚感回头看 |
| 38 | and say, I don't, and I don't know why. | 并说,我不, 我不知道为什么。 |
| 39 | But we're engineers, so we'd put our thinking caps on, | 但是我们是工程师,所以我们把思绪盖上, |
| 40 | and we'd come up with solutions. | 我们想出解决办法 |
| 41 | Maybe you're familiar with some of these. | 也许你熟悉一些这些。 |
| 42 | There was the, I know, let's go on vacation solution. | 我知道,我们去度假吧 |
| 43 | There was that, it's probably hormonal, | 曾经,它可能是荷尔蒙, |
| 44 | I'll just change birth control solution. | 我只是改变节育方案。 |
| 45 | And of course, the ever popular weekly date night solution. | 当然,每周最受欢迎的约会之夜解决方案。 |
| 46 | We were good engineers, | 我们都是好工程师 |
| 47 | and all of these solutions worked for a little while. | 并且所有这些解决方案都奏效了一段时间。 |
| 48 | Fast forward 15 years, and this was my life. | 快速前进15年,这是我的生活。 |
| 49 | Pretty stereotypical scene of married with kids, right? | 和孩子结婚的陈规定型场景,对吧? |
| 50 | I was a busy working professional, | 我是一个忙于工作的专业, |
| 51 | and sex was at the very bottom of my to-do list. | 和性在我的待办事宜清单的底部。 |
| 52 | So the next time my husband came to me and said, | 所以下次我丈夫来找我说 |
| 53 | we need to talk, something felt different. | 我们得谈谈 感觉不一样 |
| 54 | It felt more serious this time, | 这次感觉更严重了 |
| 55 | like our fairy tale was crumbling. | 就像我们的童话 崩溃了。 |
| 56 | I decided to get myself checked out medically | 我决定让自己接受医学检查 |
| 57 | and went to my gynecologist and explained to her | 然后去找我的妇科医生 跟她解释 |
| 58 | that I'm really struggling with sexual desire. | 我真的在为性欲挣扎 |
| 59 | She laughed and responded, yes, | 她笑了起来,回答,是的 |
| 60 | you and every other woman in my practice. | 你和其他女人在我的练习。 |
| 61 | She really said that, you and every other woman. | 她真的这么说 你和其他女人 |
| 62 | Hyperbolic, maybe. | 双曲,也许。 |
| 63 | Relieving, definitely. | 解脱无疑. |
| 64 | But then she looked at my chart and said, | 然后她看了我的病历 然后说 |
| 65 | there's nothing wrong with you hormonally, | 荷尔蒙没什么问题, |
| 66 | the medical community doesn't really have anything | 医学界真的没有什么 |
| 67 | to offer you. | 为你提供。 |
| 68 | But then she reached in her drawer | 但后来她到了她的抽屉里 |
| 69 | and took out the business card | 把名片拿出来 |
| 70 | of her own personal therapist, | 她自己的个人治疗师, |
| 71 | handing it to me saying, this woman helped me, | 这个女人帮我 |
| 72 | maybe she can help you. | 也许她能帮你 |
| 73 | Well, I ran out to my car and I emailed her | 我跑到车边给她发了邮件 |
| 74 | and she responded back right away saying, | 她马上回信说 |
| 75 | I'm sorry, I'm fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 抱歉,我订满了 不接受新客户 |
| 76 | She gave me about a half a dozen other sex therapists though | 她给了我半打其他的性治疗师 |
| 77 | and I reached out to them and wouldn't you know it, | 我联系他们,你不知道, |
| 78 | fully booked, not accepting new clients. | 完全预订,不接受新客户。 |
| 79 | Now, the business side of me was like, | 现在,我的生意方面是, |
| 80 | wow, the market of people struggling with sex | 哇,人们与性斗争的市场 |
| 81 | really must be huge. | 肯定很厉害 |
| 82 | But the personal side of me was getting a little frustrated. | 但我的私人方面有点沮丧 |
| 83 | So I got home, hopped online with my husband, | 于是我回到家 和我丈夫一起上网 |
| 84 | I found the website of someone who called herself | 我找到一个叫她自己的人的网站 |
| 85 | a sex and relationship coach. | 性与关系教练。 |
| 86 | Now, I don't know about you, | 现在,我不知道你, |
| 87 | but I wasn't quite sure what a sex coach did. | 但我不确定性教练做了什么 |
| 88 | So I called her up and she assured me | 所以我打电话给她 她向我保证 |
| 89 | we'd keep our clothes on in session. | 我们会保持我们的衣服在开会。 |
| 90 | And so we booked an appointment. | 所以我们订了个约会 |
| 91 | A few days later, we're sitting in her office, | 几天后 我们在她办公室里 |
| 92 | starting to explain what's going on. | 开始解释发生了什么 |
| 93 | In a little ways through the story, | 从故事的某个方面来说, |
| 94 | she paused and asked me the first in a series | 她停下来问我系列的第一个 |
| 95 | of very important questions. | 非常重要的问题 |
| 96 | She said, what messages did you get about sex as a child? | 她说,你从小就得到什么信息? |
| 97 | Now, I paused because I never really thought | 我停下来是因为我从来没有想过 |
| 98 | about that before and as I searched back | 之前的事,当我找回来的时候 |
| 99 | through the archives of my memory, | 通过我的记忆档案 |
| 100 | I remember this time when I was six years old | 我记得我六岁的时候 |
| 101 | in a girlfriend's basement and she told me, | 在一个女朋友的地下室 她告诉我, |
| 102 | if you put your hands here and wiggle, it will feel good. | 如果你把你的手在这里,摇动, 它会感觉很好。 |
| 103 | Well, I tried it and it did actually feel pretty good. | 嗯,我试过了,它确实感觉很好。 |
| 104 | But as I was recounting that story, | 但当我重述这个故事时 |
| 105 | I realized that was the last positive message | 我意识到这是最后一个积极的信息 |
| 106 | I have gotten about sex for a very long time. | 我谈了很久了 |
| 107 | A few years later in the third grade, | 几年后,三年级, |
| 108 | I was at a shopping mall and I looked down the aisle | 我在一家购物中心,我看着过道 |
| 109 | and happened to see this man touching himself | 碰巧看到这个人在摸自己 |
| 110 | while looking back at me. | 一边回头看我 |
| 111 | The message I got there was that sex | 我得到的信息是性爱 |
| 112 | was for somebody else's pleasure | 是为了别人的乐趣 |
| 113 | and it made me feel kind of icky. | 这让我觉得有点恶心。 |
| 114 | Fast forward a few years later and you remember | 几年后快速前进,你还记得 |
| 115 | that sex education talk you got in the fifth grade? | 你五年级的性教育谈话? |
| 116 | Well, the message I heard there was that sex was dirty | 我听到的信息是 性是肮脏的 |
| 117 | and dangerous and that if I did it, | 和危险,如果我这样做, |
| 118 | I'd likely wind up pregnant or with a disease. | 我可能会怀孕或生病。 |
| 119 | My coach paused me at that point in the story and said, | 我的教练在故事中暂停我说 |
| 120 | wow, Pam, if those were the messages you received, | 哇,帕姆,如果这是你收到的信息, |
| 121 | no wonder you don't wanna have sex. | 难怪你不想做爱 |
| 122 | This huge wave of relief washed over me. | 这巨大的解脱浪潮冲过我 |
| 123 | I had been feeling broken, | 我一直觉得破碎, |
| 124 | like there was something wrong with me. | 好像我有点不对劲 |
| 125 | But it was beginning to dawn on me | 但是,它开始 黎明在我身上 |
| 126 | that all those princess fairy tale messages | 那些公主的童话信息 |
| 127 | that I had gotten since the age of two | 我从两岁开始就得到了 |
| 128 | that ended with a kiss and nothing more were really damaging. | 结束于一个吻, 没有更多的是真正的破坏性。 |
| 129 | How could I suppress the sexual side of myself | 我怎么能压制自己的性欲 |
| 130 | for so long by receiving all these messages | 这么长时间,通过接收所有这些消息 |
| 131 | and then just expect to turn it back on again? | 然后再重新打开它? |
| 132 | My coach sensed it was the perfect time for a lifeline | 我的教练觉得这是生命线的最好时机 |
| 133 | because I was sitting there wondering, | 因为我坐在那里想, |
| 134 | how is it that any woman anywhere | 哪里有什么女人吗? |
| 135 | is having healthy sex life given this culture? | 是否有健康的性生活 赋予这种文化? |
| 136 | And she said to me, it's okay to stay exactly as you are. | 她对我说,保持原样没关系 |
| 137 | There's no right way to live a sex life. | 性生活无正法. |
| 138 | But I'm curious, would you like to reconnect | 但我很好奇,你想重新连接一下吗? |
| 139 | with that part of yourself | 与你的这部分 |
| 140 | that you've been disconnected with for so long? | 你被切断了这么久? |
| 141 | Well, I said yes. | 我答应了 |
| 142 | And over the next several months, | 在接下来的几个月里 |
| 143 | I learned to connect to my body | 我学会了连接我的身体 |
| 144 | through focusing on little things throughout my day | 通过全天关注小事 |
| 145 | that bring me physical pleasure. | 带给我身体的乐趣。 |
| 146 | For instance, like a hot shower, a soft sweater, | 例如,像热淋浴,软毛衣, |
| 147 | the feeling of sunshine on my face. | 我脸上有阳光的感觉 |
| 148 | I learned how to connect those feelings of pleasure | 我学会了如何连接那些快乐的感觉 |
| 149 | to those feelings of pleasure. | 给那些快乐的感觉 |
| 150 | And in doing so, I realized my pathway | 这样做,我意识到我的路径 |
| 151 | to desire and arousal looks very different from my husband's. | 欲望和激动与我丈夫的很不一样 |
| 152 | It's slower to build, but can often reach higher heights. | 建造速度较慢,但往往可以达到更高的高度. |
| 153 | Well, this was really exciting to me. | 嗯,这真的让我兴奋。 |
| 154 | I started to wonder, what if I shared my story | 我开始怀疑 如果我分享我的故事 |
| 155 | with other women? | 和别的女人? |
| 156 | So even though it scared the crap out of me | 所以,尽管它吓死我了 |
| 157 | to even think about talking about this with anybody else, | 甚至想着和别人谈谈这件事, |
| 158 | I pulled out my phone, I messaged a few girlfriends, | 我拔出手机,给几个女朋友留言 |
| 159 | and moments later, they were writing me back. | 后来 他们给我回信了 |
| 160 | Oh my gosh, I'm having the same experience. | 哦,我的天哪,我有同样的经历。 |
| 161 | Or, oh, yes, but it's my partner who's having that experience. | 或,哦,是的,但是我的伙伴 谁有这种经验。 |
| 162 | And then one of them wrote me and said a very bold statement | 然后他们中的一个写信给我 说一个非常大胆的声明 |
| 163 | that changed the collective trajectory of our lives. | 这改变了我们的集体生活轨迹。 |
| 164 | And she said, let's get together and talk about this. | 她说,让我们一起讨论这个。 |
| 165 | So we did. | 所以我们做到了。 |
| 166 | The next Sunday, we met in the park. | 下星期天 我们在公园里相遇了 |
| 167 | We all came wearing yoga clothes | 我们都是穿瑜伽服来的 |
| 168 | because we couldn't tell our partners where we were going. | 因为我们无法告诉我们的伙伴 我们要去哪里。 |
| 169 | No joke. | 别开玩笑了 |
| 170 | That meeting was full of laughter. | 那次会议充满了笑声。 |
| 171 | It was full of tears. | 满是泪水 |
| 172 | It felt so profound that we decided to get together monthly. | 感觉如此深刻,我们决定每月聚在一起。 |
| 173 | We kept meeting, same park, | 我们一直见面 同一个公园 |
| 174 | and we realized no topic was off limits. | 我们意识到没有话题是禁止的。 |
| 175 | First, we talked about social messages that we'd heard. | 首先,我们讨论了我们听到的社会信息。 |
| 176 | We talked about the messages | 我们谈了消息 |
| 177 | we would have liked to have heard instead. | 我们本来想听听的 |
| 178 | We talked about masturbation, how we learned it, | 我们谈论了手淫,我们是如何学会的, |
| 179 | whether we do it. | 不管我们这样做。 |
| 180 | We talked about fantasy, what we fantasize about. | 我们谈的是幻想 我们幻想什么 |
| 181 | And if we don't, what's holding us back? | 如果我们不这样做,有什么阻碍我们? |
| 182 | At the end of the year, I looked around at these group of women | 年底,我看了这群女人 |
| 183 | and I was really surprised at what I saw. | 我对所见所闻感到惊讶 |
| 184 | All of their lives had changed. | 他们的生活都发生了变化。 |
| 185 | Many were experiencing better sex and better relationships | 许多人的性行为和关系都有所改善 |
| 186 | just from talking about sex with their girlfriends. | 只是从谈论 性与他们的女朋友。 |
| 187 | This was fascinating to me. | 这对我来说是迷人的。 |
| 188 | I started attending medical and mental health conferences | 我开始参加医疗和心理健康会议 |
| 189 | to learn more, you know, as like a hobby, a part-time thing. | 学习更多,你知道, 作为一个爱好,一个兼职的事情。 |
| 190 | Because my day job was that of a data scientist, | 因为我的日常工作是数据科学家 |
| 191 | I decided to look at the numbers. | 我决定看看数字。 |
| 192 | And I learned that over 40% of women at any one point in time | 我了解到,40%以上的女性 在任何一个时间点上 |
| 193 | are struggling with some aspect of sexual function. | 性功能的某个方面正在挣扎。 |
| 194 | I also learned there's new pharmaceutical options | 我也得知有新的药方 |
| 195 | on the market that have debatable effectiveness | B. 市场上具有争议效力的 |
| 196 | and plenty of side effects. | 还有很多副作用 |
| 197 | Of course, I learned about sex therapy and sex coaching | 当然,我学会了性治疗和性辅导 |
| 198 | and that if you had financial means and geographical access | 如果你有经济手段和地理条件 |
| 199 | to someone who is well-trained, that was an option to you. | 给训练有素的人, 这是你的一个选择。 |
| 200 | But I was wondering, what is happening | 但我在想 到底发生了什么 |
| 201 | with this group of friends | 和这群朋友 |
| 202 | who are just sitting around talking about sex? | 谁只是坐着谈论性? |
| 203 | I actually got so excited about it | 我真的很兴奋 |
| 204 | that I came home one day to my husband and I said, | 有一天我回到家 对我的丈夫说, |
| 205 | that's it, I'm quitting my day job | 就是这样,我要辞去我的日常工作 |
| 206 | and I'm going back to school to research | 我要回学校去研究 |
| 207 | what effect peer support groups have on female sexual health. | 同伴支助小组对女性性健康有何影响。 |
| 208 | I'm thrilled to be here just a few years later | 我很高兴能在这里待几年 |
| 209 | to share with you what happens when hundreds of women | 和你们分享 数百个女人的遭遇 |
| 210 | aged 25 to 65 meet in living rooms across the globe | 25至65岁在全球的客厅聚会 |
| 211 | to talk about their experiences of sex. | 谈论他们的性经历。 |
| 212 | Overall sexual function increases 20%. | 总的性功能增加20%. |
| 213 | When you break that down by subcategories, | 当你按子类分解 |
| 214 | desire, arousal, orgasm, | 欲望,激动,高潮, |
| 215 | the increases range from 16 to 26%. | 增长幅度从16%到26%不等。 |
| 216 | Distress about sexuality decreases almost 30%. | 对性行为的困扰减少了近30%。 |
| 217 | And these women didn't meet for a year. | 这些女人一年没见面了 |
| 218 | They met for four weeks. | 他们相识了四个星期。 |
| 219 | These changes are in line with any other medical | 这些变化符合任何其他医疗要求。 |
| 220 | and mental health intervention on the market. | 以及市场上的心理健康干预。 |
| 221 | And it doesn't take a therapist, | 也不需要治疗师 |
| 222 | it doesn't take a facilitator, | 它不需要一个调解人, |
| 223 | it doesn't take medication. | 它不服用药物。 |
| 224 | All it takes is women being brave enough | 只要女人有足够的勇气 |
| 225 | to sit down together and talk about sex. | 一起坐下来谈性 |
| 226 | There's actually only one guideline for the group | 其实这个团体只有一个准则 |
| 227 | and that was that we are not allowed to share advice | 那就是不允许我们分享建议 |
| 228 | as women really like to share advice, | 由于女性真正喜欢分享建议, |
| 229 | but these groups were about sharing experiences. | 但这些团体是为了分享经验。 |
| 230 | The qualitative part of my study showed that | 我的研究的质量部分表明: |
| 231 | when women get together and share their experiences, | 当女人聚在一起分享她们的经验时, |
| 232 | not only do they feel normalized | 他们不仅觉得正常 |
| 233 | in their own personal experiences, | 在他们自己的经历中, |
| 234 | but they also feel inspired and empowered | 但他们也感到灵感和力量 |
| 235 | to explore more about their own sexuality. | 探索更多关于自己的性欲。 |
| 236 | Of course, in talking to their girlfriends about sex, | 当然,在和女友谈论性时, |
| 237 | they gain communication skills that translate | 他们掌握了翻译的交流技能 |
| 238 | into being able to speak with their partners about sex. | 和他们的伴侣谈论性 |
| 239 | But by far, the most exciting thing that I found | 但到目前为止 我发现的最令人兴奋的事 |
| 240 | in my research was that the women with children | 在我的研究中,有孩子的妇女 |
| 241 | reported being able to talk to their kids | 报告能和孩子说话 |
| 242 | about sex for the first time. | 第一次谈性 |
| 243 | These groups were having a multi-generational impact. | 这些群体正在产生多代影响。 |
| 244 | What started as a personal journey | 开始于个人之旅 |
| 245 | has led me to talk to a growing number of people | 我和越来越多的人交谈 |
| 246 | about my sexual experiences. | 关于我的性经历。 |
| 247 | First, my gynecologist, then my coach, | 首先 我的妇科医生 然后是我的教练 |
| 248 | my friends, research participants, and now you. | 我的朋友,研究参与者,现在你。 |
| 249 | I know things are shifting for those that I've talked with, | 我知道事情正在改变 对于那些我已经谈过, |
| 250 | which makes me wonder what if thousands or millions | 这让我怀疑,如果数千或数百万 |
| 251 | had the opportunity to talk to a trusted friend | 有机会和一个信任的朋友交谈 |
| 252 | about their sexual experiences? | 关于他们的性经历? |
| 253 | What if you reached out to a woman you know | 如果你联系到一个你认识的女人 |
| 254 | and asked her about her experiences? | 问她的经历? |
| 255 | Particularly those that bring her pleasure and joy. | 特别是那些带给她快乐和喜悦的人 |
| 256 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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