越懂事的人，越容易把自己彻底耗干【TED演讲】
共 2 集
剧集目录
| 集 | 标题 | 时长 |
|---|---|---|
| P1 | 越懂事的人，越容易把自己彻底耗干【TED演讲】 中英双语 | 17:54 |
| P2 | 越懂事的人，越容易把自己彻底耗干【TED演讲】 英文字幕(中 | 17:54 |
P1 · 越懂事的人，越容易把自己彻底耗干【TED演讲】 p01 中英双语 (P1)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | I'm an addictions therapist, I'm also a recovering addict, I'm a parent and I do a lot of work | 我是一个瘾君子治疗师,我也是一个康复的瘾君子,我是一个父母,我做很多工作 |
| 0:08 | now in the field of recovery and looking at addiction, looking at mental health and most | 现在,在康复和观察瘾君子, 观察心理健康和大多数 |
| 0:13 | importantly looking at early intervention and what is the one thing that we could really | 重要的是看早期的干预 是什么是我们真正能够做的 |
| 0:17 | home in on that would be the best preventative measure and I think that that falls into those | 这才是最好的预防措施 我认为这属于 |
| 0:23 | two little words, self-esteem. | 两个小字,自尊。 |
| 0:25 | But self-esteem is a very well known phrase but what actually | 但自尊是一个非常众所周知的短语 但实际上 |
| 0:29 | is it and I think that in its kind of core self-esteem is how I feel about myself and | 是,我想,在它的核心 自尊就是我对自己的感觉, |
| 0:37 | therefore how I treat myself, therefore how I behave. | 因此,我如何对待自己, 因此我如何行为。 |
| 0:40 | When I say to people I'm a recovering | 当我对别人说我是康复者 |
| 0:42 | addict they say things like what were you addicted to and I kind of yawn you know it's not about | 瘾君子会说些你上瘾的话 而我打哈欠 你知道这与你无关 |
展开字幕全文（189 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I'm an addictions therapist, I'm also a recovering addict, I'm a parent and I do a lot of work | 我是一个瘾君子治疗师,我也是一个康复的瘾君子,我是一个父母,我做很多工作 |
| 2 | now in the field of recovery and looking at addiction, looking at mental health and most | 现在,在康复和观察瘾君子, 观察心理健康和大多数 |
| 3 | importantly looking at early intervention and what is the one thing that we could really | 重要的是看早期的干预 是什么是我们真正能够做的 |
| 4 | home in on that would be the best preventative measure and I think that that falls into those | 这才是最好的预防措施 我认为这属于 |
| 5 | two little words, self-esteem. | 两个小字,自尊。 |
| 6 | But self-esteem is a very well known phrase but what actually | 但自尊是一个非常众所周知的短语 但实际上 |
| 7 | is it and I think that in its kind of core self-esteem is how I feel about myself and | 是,我想,在它的核心 自尊就是我对自己的感觉, |
| 8 | therefore how I treat myself, therefore how I behave. | 因此,我如何对待自己, 因此我如何行为。 |
| 9 | When I say to people I'm a recovering | 当我对别人说我是康复者 |
| 10 | addict they say things like what were you addicted to and I kind of yawn you know it's not about | 瘾君子会说些你上瘾的话 而我打哈欠 你知道这与你无关 |
| 11 | what I'm addicted to or was addicted to, this is about why would I use something outside of | 我沉迷于或沉迷于什么,这就是为什么我会使用 之外的东西 |
| 12 | myself in an attempt to fix how I feel to the detriment of myself. | 为了改变我对自己不利的感觉 |
| 13 | So my first message to you | 所以我给你的第一个信息 |
| 14 | really is that addiction isn't the drug of choice of which I believe there are probably 15 or 16 | 实际上,瘾并不是我所选择的药物, 我相信大概有15或16个 |
| 15 | regular manifestations of addiction but it is the pattern of delegating, of outsourcing your | 成瘾的常规表现,但这是 授权,外包你 |
| 16 | emotional process onto something else that backfires. | 情感过程在别的东西 反射。 |
| 17 | So there's nothing more normal than any of you or | 所以没有比你们更正常的了 |
| 18 | indeed anyone who might be sitting next to me at a dinner party who's having a drink and they're | 任何坐在我旁边的 晚餐派对上喝酒的人 |
| 19 | having a nice time and relaxing and they turn to me and say what do you do for a living and I say | 享受愉快的时光 放松下来 然后他们转向我 说你是做什么的 我说 |
| 20 | well you might want to finish your drink first because my experience is that you lot get really | 好吧,你也许想先喝完你的酒 因为我的经验是,你们真的 |
| 21 | defensive when I say I'm an addiction therapist I either get oh do you know what I think that I've | 当我说我是瘾君子心理医生时... ... 我要么得到哦... |
| 22 | been drinking quite a lot or I'm worried about my daughter or whatever or I get oh I don't usually | 喝了很多 或者我担心我女儿什么的 或者我得到 哦,我通常不 |
| 23 | drink this much I've just had a really big week. | 喝这么多,我刚刚有一个非常大的一周。 |
| 24 | We're very defensive about being seen, | 我们非常防守被看到, |
| 25 | really being seen. | 真的被人看见了 |
| 26 | You know when you walk down the street you trip over the first thing you | 你知道当你走在街上 你绊倒的第一件事 |
| 27 | don't do is go ow the first thing you do is say oh who saw that? | 不做是去,为什么你做的第一件事 是说哦谁看到了? |
| 28 | My experience of my vulnerability, | 我经历的脆弱, |
| 29 | my experience of what it's like for me to be in the world and to be seen is exactly what makes me | 我对世界的感受 和被人们看到的经验 正是让我 |
| 30 | want to defend myself. | 想为自己辩护 |
| 31 | Control a little bit what you think of me, how you see me, your access to me | 控制一下你对我的看法 如何看待我,如何接触我 |
| 32 | and that's normal but if you're like me or like millions of other people like me and you have had | 这是正常的,但如果你像我或像 数百万其他人像我,你有 |
| 33 | if you like an upbringing or an experience in your life that means that very early on your | 如果你喜欢成长 或经历 在你的生活中, 这意味着很早就 |
| 34 | experience of vulnerability was one that left you afraid and uncertain and actually what you | 脆弱的经历 让你害怕和不确定 |
| 35 | wanted to do was get out of your skin leave that behind and be someone else and maybe in that kind | 想要做的是离开你的皮肤 留下它,成为另一个人 也许在那种 |
| 36 | of environment you might want to be a good girl. | 你可能想成为一个好女孩 |
| 37 | Let's just say that in the environment where there | 这么说吧 在那里的环境 |
| 38 | is a family and there is somebody of high need it's nobody's fault but there's somebody who | 是一家人,有需要的人... ...这是没有人的错,但有人谁 |
| 39 | has high need in that family they're depressed or they're anxious or they're angry or they're | 家庭非常需要他们 沮丧或焦虑或愤怒 |
| 40 | unhappy or they're ill in some way. | 不开心或者他们生病了 |
| 41 | Let's say the child has a sibling who is high maintenance | 这么说吧,孩子有一个兄弟 高额赡养费 |
| 42 | and they see all the family resources looking after this child all of them worrying about this | 他们看到所有的家庭资源 照顾这个孩子 他们都担心这个 |
| 43 | child and the sibling will say do you know what I don't want to ask anything of the family system | 孩子和兄弟会说 你知道我不想问什么家庭系统 |
| 44 | I'll give to it I'll be a good girl so when mum needs help I'll say I'll leave the table I'll go | 我会做一个好女孩 当妈妈需要帮助时 我会说我会离开桌子,我会离开 |
| 45 | and get my brother for supper that's okay no I'm all right I've already done my homework and my mum | 帮我哥哥吃晚饭,没关系,我没事 我已经做功课了,还有我妈妈 |
| 46 | says where would I be without you where would I be without you you're my good girl and I'm like oh | 说没有你,我会在哪里? 没有你,我会在哪里? |
| 47 | validated and then I go to school and I do tidy up time and when a new girl comes in I show her | 验证后我去学校整理时间 当一个新女孩进来时 我给她看 |
| 48 | around I'm quite happy to do that and the parents hear such a nice child to have around really | 我很高兴这样做 父母听到这样漂亮的孩子 身边真的 |
| 49 | doesn't get into all of those cliques and then that child goes to secondary school and this is | 不进入所有那些俱乐部 然后那个孩子上中学,这是 |
| 50 | when I as a therapist meet the parents who say my daughter's fallen in with a bad crowd I don't | 我当心理医生时 遇到那些说我女儿 和一群坏人在一起的父母 |
| 51 | really believe in a bad crowd by the way my question to the parents is why would your daughter feel at | 我对父母的疑问是 你女儿为什么会觉得 |
| 52 | home around people who are troubled tell me tell me something about her family background that | 有麻烦的人在家 告诉我她家庭背景 |
| 53 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH | |
| 54 | an emotional shock absorber a rock a good girl a nice girl don't worry about me I'll be all right | 情感冲击吸收器 岩石 好女孩 乖女孩 不用担心我 我会好起来的 |
| 55 | let's worry about you and I bet you bottom dollar that later on she will fall in love with someone | 让我们担心你 我敢打赌,你下美元 以后她会爱上某人 |
| 56 | who is high maintenance she will translate those feelings about who she is and how she feels about | 她会翻译那些关于她是谁和她的感受 |
| 57 | herself as love her eyes will meet across the bar against someone and of course this person is going | 她自己就像爱人一样 她的眼睛会在酒吧对面相遇 这个人当然会去 |
| 58 | to be high maintenance and they will demand that she stays in that role of caretaker that she stays | 他们要求她继续当看管人 |
| 59 | in that role of giving don't worry about me let's worry about you and as a result she is likely to | 在那个角色,不要担心我 让我们担心你,结果她很可能 |
| 60 | end up running on empty because she doesn't know how to take for herself and actually as a child | 最终空空奔走 因为她不知道如何为自己 和实际上作为一个孩子 |
| 61 | she learned that I'm not going to take from the family system I'll just be a good girl I'll get | 她知道我不会接受家庭制度 我会成为一个好女孩 |
| 62 | my validation that way so her giving is conditional if I'm a good girl will you like me | 那样她就会有条件 如果我是好女孩 你会喜欢我吗? |
| 63 | so all my giving all my comforting when you're crying is if you're crying and I come and comfort | 所以在你哭的时候我所有的安慰 就是如果你哭了,我来了安慰你 |
| 64 | you and you don't feel better I feel like I've failed so as your caretaker in this particular | 你和你的感觉并不好 我觉得我失败了 所以作为你的照顾者 |
| 65 | role you will feel obliged to feel better when I start to comfort you now you might wonder why I'm | 当我开始安慰你的时候 你会觉得自己有义务感觉好点 你会想知道我为什么 |
| 66 | talking about this and the reason I'm talking about this is because high maintenance individuals | 我之所以要说这些 是因为高水平的维修人员 |
| 67 | will always attract the compulsive caretaker you must always have this formula of somebody | 总是会吸引强制的看护人 你总得有这种配方的人 |
| 68 | being having somebody else if you like picking up the pieces of the other person the enablement | 如果你喜欢拿起别人的碎片 就能有别人 |
| 69 | that allows somebody to be the emotional shock absorber somebody to be sweeping up the pieces | 让某人成为情感冲击的吸收器 有人正在清理碎片 |
| 70 | after somebody else's mistakes and when I meet those people later on and they may have children | 在别人犯过错之后 当我遇到那些人时 他们可能会有孩子 |
| 71 | themselves and the children treat them with no respect and they say why why I do everything | 他们不尊重他们 说为什么我什么都做 |
| 72 | after all I've done for you and you treat me like this and I look at them and I think you're | 我为你做了这么多 你这样对我 我看着他们,我觉得你 |
| 73 | running on empty why are you running on empty and why is your giving so conditional and they will | 你为何在空地上奔跑 为何你的赠与如此有条件,他们会的 |
| 74 | often present with depression or anxiety they will present with symptoms that they feel bad about | 经常出现抑郁症或焦虑症 他们会表现出他们感到痛苦的症状 |
| 75 | having and as a therapist I am saying to you I would like to go back to look at what is your | 作为一名治疗师 我想回去看看你的 |
| 76 | ability to receive what is your ability to say I need help what is your ability to say no what is | 能够接受你的能力 我需要帮助 你的能力是说不是什么 |
| 77 | your ability to have self-respect so that you can look after yourself and therefore give generously | 你有能力有自尊 这样你就可以照顾自己 因此慷慨解囊 |
| 78 | from a place of abundance instead of giving from a place that is running on empty because your | 从丰盛的地方,而不是从空旷的地方,因为你 |
| 79 | giving has come from there not being enough to go around and I'm very interested in looking at | 赠予来自那里 不足以四处走动 我非常有兴趣看 |
| 80 | addictive processes often anxiety and depression and working with these kind of diagnoses but with | 上瘾过程常常是焦虑和抑郁,并且与这种诊断合作,但与 |
| 81 | the person yes we work with people who might want to take medication alongside but I'm really | 是的,我们和那些想一起吃药的人一起工作 但我真的 |
| 82 | interested in the person there is no point in me telling you techniques of parenting for prevention | 我对一个人有兴趣 告诉你如何为人父母 |
| 83 | I can tell you those things unless you get comfortably in your own shoes and you have | 我可以告诉你那些事 除非你能轻松地穿好自己的鞋 |
| 84 | self-respect and you maintain that because then whomever you're talking to cannot shoot the | 自尊,你坚持这一点 因为那样的话,你所说的任何人 都无法射击 |
| 85 | so when I am thinking about how somebody feels if I was to ask some of you in the audience how you | 所以当我在想别人的感受时 如果我在观众中问你们中的一些人 |
| 86 | feel maybe not now but at another time you might say something like fine and I'm thinking well I | 感觉也许不是现在,但是在另一个时候 你可能会说一些像 罚款,我在想什么 |
| 87 | still don't know how you feel and then you'll say okay and I'm thinking well I still don't know how | 仍然不知道你的感受 然后你会说好的 我在想... ...我还是不知道如何 |
| 88 | you feel what are the feelings you experience and then people often feel embarrassed or awkward or | 你感觉到你经历的感受 然后人们常常觉得尴尬或尴尬 |
| 89 | I don't know what you're asking me I don't know what you mean by a feeling and I'm thinking | 我不知道你在问我什么 我不知道你在说什么 |
| 90 | really stop how do you feel because if you know the feelings that you're having then you have a | 真正停止你的感受 因为如果你知道你的感受 |
| 91 | chance of taking responsibility and representing yourself in the world with dignity and with | 在世界上有尊严地、以 |
| 92 | respect so when I was working with a teacher with this child in her classroom she was very excited | 所以当我和老师一起工作的时候 她很兴奋 |
| 93 | and this little girl used to want attention she could please please please I'm so excited I'll get | 这个小女孩过去想引起注意,她可以请, 求你了,我太兴奋了,我会得到 |
| 94 | it I'll get it get very excited and the teacher would say for goodness sake Mandy will you calm | 我会得到它非常兴奋 老师会说 看在上帝的份上 Mandy 你会冷静下来的 |
| 95 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}孩子会很羞耻 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我们谈过了 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}这样孩子还是会变得非常 | |
| 96 | excited and then she'd start to displace and take hostages and get other people to giggle | 兴奋,然后她开始 驱赶和劫持人质 让其他人笑 |
| 97 | and the teacher started to say she's very disruptive and then this girl started to say | 老师开始说她非常的干扰 然后这个女孩开始说 |
| 98 | I'm so excited bang and she'd slam her hand on the wall or on the desk or on the wall and when | 我太兴奋了 她会把手按在墙上 或者桌子上 或者墙上 |
| 99 | we were talking I was thinking this is her external way of managing her emotions this little girl | и酵杠и稱硂琌快猭 |
| 100 | does not know how to handle excitement and possibly the other end of the scale depression | 不知道如何应对兴奋 可能还有另一端的抑郁症 |
| 101 | so we need to look at that child and think you need to be taught how to handle your excitement | 所以我们得看看那个孩子 觉得你需要学会如何处理你的兴奋 |
| 102 | instead of being labeled as difficult because as a parent body a child is a heat-seeking missile | 而不是被贴上困难的标签 因为作为一个父母的躯体 一个孩子是一个寻热导弹 |
| 103 | for what they want I've no idea how many of you are parents but I am a parent and I know that | 他们想要什么 我不知道你们有多少人是父母 但我是父母 我知道 |
| 104 | children are heat-seeking missiles for what they want and they will come at the parent as the person | 孩子们想要的都是寻热导弹 他们会像一个人一样来到父母身边 |
| 105 | who's going to deliver that and the parent generally speaking will do one of two things | 父母一般会做两件事之一 |
| 106 | for goodness sake will you leave me alone and the child goes into shame fear have I hurt my parent | 看在上帝的份上,你别烦我,孩子会感到羞耻 我伤害了我的父母 |
| 107 | what's wrong with me or go on then do exactly what you want entitled behavior so when this parent | 我怎么了 继续做你想做的事 当这个家长 |
| 108 | next time tries to hold a boundary I'm going to say no the child will say somewhere around here | 下次想划出界线 我就说不要让孩子说 |
| 109 | is that button that if I press it hard enough I get what I want and then parents say they're a | 是那个按钮,如果我按得够硬 我就得到我想要的 然后父母说他们是 |
| 110 | nightmare I don't know my child anymore I feel de-skilled I'm not in control of my family and I'm | 噩梦,我不再认识我的孩子 我感觉自己没有技能了 我无法控制我的家人 |
| 111 | like do you know what take your eye off the kids for a minute because all they're doing is showing | 就像你知道是什么让你的眼睛 离开孩子们一分钟 因为他们所做的只是显示 |
| 112 | you where your weak point is if you're busy doing the washing up and you're kind of stressed and | 如果你忙着洗衣服 压力很大的话 |
| 113 | come in and start going ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am then you need to know that they have | 进来,开始去 夫人,夫人,夫人,夫人 |
| 114 | chosen that exact moment because it gives them exactly what they want and what you're going to | 选择了准确的时刻,因为它给了他们 完全他们想要什么,你要去什么 |
| 115 | do is oh go on then go on the PlayStation I don't care do what you want yeah I got exactly what I | 做是哦,继续,然后去的 PlayStation 我不管你想做什么 |
| 116 | wanted if you're able to stand there and think I'm feeling really irritated I'm feeling like put | 如果你能站在那里 觉得我感到很烦恼 我感觉就像被放进去一样 |
| 117 | under pressure and you know that you can actually stand and think wow look at me I'm getting really | 在压力下,你知道,你可以 真正站起来,想哇看我 我得到真的 |
| 118 | stressed here and you can say listen I've just said no now if your child does not know that you've | 这里压力很大,你可以说,听好,我刚刚说了不 现在,如果你的孩子不知道 你已经 |
| 119 | got a no up your sleeve and that you can hold a no they will push and push and push once they know | 袖子上没有,你可以握住,一旦他们知道 他们就会推,推,推 |
| 120 | you can hold a no once they know that you can actually give them a boundary that they can push | 一旦他们知道你能给他们一个界线 他们就能推 |
| 121 | safely up against then they will respect it so if you can stand there and be in touch with your | 安全地对抗,他们会尊重它 如果你能站在那里和你联系 |
| 122 | phoenix and instead of behaving like oh for god's sake just go away and then they're off happy and | 凤凰 而不是像哦 看在上帝的份上 只是走了,然后他们走了快乐, |
| 123 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我想我为什么这么生气 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你居然说我要你冷静下来 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}答案是... | |
| 124 | and then they nag and nag and nag and nag you need to be thinking wow I must have given in a lot in | 礛)璶稱 |
| 125 | the past for them to be so persistent not why are you doing this to me no I've set you up for this | 他们的过去如此坚持... ... |
| 126 | and I actually need to start getting a handle on how I behave as a result of how I feel otherwise | 实际上,我需要开始 得到一个控制我的行为 因为我的感受是不同的 |
| 127 | I am not going to know me I'm going to be in resentment against my kids I'm going to be | 我不会了解我 我会对我的孩子感到憎恨 |
| 128 | feeling poor me I'm going to be in that space of expectation and resentment which is a pernicious | 可怜我,我会在 期待和怨恨的空间 这是一个有害的 |
| 129 | cycle and then perhaps in comes the husband what's all this going on in here what's all this noise | 轮回,然后也许丈夫来了 这一切是怎么回事 在这里... ... |
| 130 | and you're like oh it's nothing it's nothing darling don't worry so what do you mean it's | 你就像 哦,这没什么,亲爱的 不要担心,你是什么意思 |
| 131 | nothing I'm trying to get on what's what's she doing on the PlayStation again and you're just | 我什么也没有想得到 什么是她在做什么 再次在PlayStation 而你只是 |
| 132 | in there angry upset you're picking a fight now with your husband you're feeling isolated | 里面很生气,你现在和你丈夫吵架 觉得自己被孤立了 |
| 133 | and you're thinking what about me why is it always me who has to do everything around here | 你却在想我为什么总是要我做所有的事 |
| 134 | and you'll find that the family dynamics subtle as they may be start to fracture a little and | 你会发现 家庭的动态 微妙 因为他们可能 开始骨折一点点 |
| 135 | maybe like I did as I grew up one of these children might start to think that they're | 也许像我长大的时候一样 其中一个孩子可能开始认为他们是 |
| 136 | difficult I was told as I was difficult as I grew up and I believed it and so somewhere | 很难说,当我长大了,我相信了,所以在某处 |
| 137 | inside me before I was even 13 I believed that if you got close to me that if you got to know me | 在我13岁之前我内心深处 我相信如果你接近我 如果你了解我 |
| 138 | you'd find out that I'm not what I look like that I that there's something wrong with me | 你会发现我长得不像我 我有点不对劲 |
| 139 | and I felt that you would reject me so there's no way I'm actually going to let you close | 我觉得你会拒绝我 所以我不会让你关门 |
| 140 | so I used to spend my life playing performing people pleasing being defiant being the rebel | 所以我一生都在演戏 喜欢做叛逆者 |
| 141 | being anyone anything other than me because if you get close to me it's going to hurt | 成为除了我以外的任何人 因为如果你接近我 会很痛苦的 |
| 142 | but suddenly when I discover something more potent than all those behaviors | 但突然间,我发现 比所有这些行为更厉害的东西 |
| 143 | that does the job that defends me from feeling vulnerable in front of you because believe me | 这能保护我 避免在你面前感到脆弱 因为相信我 |
| 144 | I judge how I feel against how you look and that sets me up to lose because I can't see | 我判断我的感受 与你的样子 和那让我失去 因为我看不到 |
| 145 | your frailties if I'm in my self-centered fear if I'm thinking I'm going to go out somewhere and | 你的弱点,如果我在我的自我中心 恐惧,如果我想 我想出去的地方, |
| 146 | full of that fear and I'm thinking I don't know what to wear I don't know anybody there I don't | 满怀恐惧,我想我不知道该穿什么 我不认识在那里的人 |
| 147 | know what to say I'm not interesting I'm not funny and I go into the room with all of that | 知道该说什么吗 我不好玩 我不好笑 我带着这些进房间 |
| 148 | I'm not looking at anyone else I'm walking into the room like that | 我不看别人 我走进房间这样 |
| 149 | I'm looking and I'll probably I'll probably pick up somebody who's co-dependent a caretaker says | 我在寻找,我可能会 可能我会接一个人 谁共同依赖一个看守说 |
| 150 | are you okay and they're looking for someone like me to take care of and we can stand together | ⊿ㄆ ти硂贺 |
| 151 | pretending to be at a party together but actually all we're doing is preventing each other from | 假装在派对上在一起 但实际上我们所做的只是阻止对方 |
| 152 | feeling vulnerable and isolated if I know I am in my self-centered fear if I know I'm in that space | 如果我知道自己在自我恐惧中 如果我在那个空间里 |
| 153 | whereby there's a sense maybe an early childhood sense that there is something wrong with me I can | 有一种感觉,也许早期的童年 感觉我有些不对劲 |
| 154 | actually put my arm around myself and I can say do you know what Mandy I love you I love you and | 其实我的手臂绕着我,我可以说 你知道什么曼迪我爱你,我爱你 |
| 155 | I'm going to be with you and we can do this thing and it's not all about you there are loads of | 我会和你在一起,我们可以做到这一点 事情不是所有的你 有负载 |
| 156 | people there go and chat to someone just go and have a conversation with someone it's not such | 那边的人去和别人聊天 去和别人聊天,不是那样的 |
| 157 | a big deal and I manage to take myself out of that fear suddenly I am available to talk to you I am | 一件大事,我设法摆脱了恐惧 突然,我可以和你谈谈,我是 |
| 158 | available to live so when we're treating addiction sure we've got to get people sober from whatever | 所以当我们治疗成瘾时 我们一定要让人们清醒 |
| 159 | their addictive pattern is but then we need to get them out of the self-harming behaviors | 他们的上瘾模式是 但我们需要让他们摆脱自我伤害行为 |
| 160 | so that when they look in the mirror they're not going oh my god I'm so winky I'm so disgusting | 所以当他们照镜子时,他们不会走 哦,我的上帝,我太帅了,我太恶心了 |
| 161 | no that is self-harming thinking I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to get to know | 不,那是伤害自己的想法 我要你照照镜子,我要你知道 |
| 162 | your face I want you to appreciate the lines on your face like they are the map of your life | 你的脸,我要你欣赏你脸上的台词 就像是你的人生地图一样 |
| 163 | wherever the pain is wherever the carving is and the shaping is it's yours and when you look in the | 无论痛苦在哪里 雕刻在哪里 造型是你的 当你看着 |
| 164 | mirror to really appreciate that and make the best friend you can of yourself because if you | 照镜子去欣赏它 并让最好的朋友 你可以自己,因为如果你 |
| 165 | are friends with yourself you will not persistently do something to yourself to hurt yourself over and | 与自己是朋友,你不会 坚持做一些事情 伤害自己过和 |
| 166 | again in 2008 I got rheumatoid arthritis and I was laid up 2006 and I was laid up for nearly a year | 又是在2008年 我患了风湿性关节炎 2006年 我被安排了将近一年 |
| 167 | and I was unable to walk unable to move unable to use my hands unable to do anything this friend of | 我无法行走 无法移动 无法使用我的手 无法做任何事情 |
| 168 | mine said have you thought of working the 12-step program around this and this is the AA 12-step | и弧筁稱筁 硂暗12̇璸购 硂琌AA12̇ |
| 169 | fellowship program which fundamentally is about surrender to help and I was furious I was lying | 奖学金计划 基本上是投降来帮忙 我生气了 我在撒谎 |
| 170 | on this bed thinking you don't understand what this is like but I was a captive audience and I | 在这张床上,你以为不明白 是什么样子 但我是一个俘虏观众,我 |
| 171 | thought surrender to help surrender to help oh take the medication with gratitude start looking | 想投降 帮助投降 帮助哦 吃药 感谢开始寻找 |
| 172 | outside of this tiny world of pain that I was living in and just start committing to each tiny | 除了我生活在一个小小的痛苦世界之外 开始致力于每一个小小的 |
| 173 | step and today truly I feel like a complete miracle of all the medication that I have taken | 今天我觉得我吃过的所有药都是奇迹 |
| 174 | in the last 10 years to treat this condition I feel really grateful for the recovery I've got | 过去10年里,为了治疗这种病, 我非常感激我的康复 |
| 175 | and for the opportunity to be able to say that I know that addiction is known as a chronic relapsing | 并且有机会说 我知道瘾症被称为慢性复发 |
| 176 | condition but I don't agree I think one of the reasons that it is a chronic relapsing condition | 病情,但我不同意 我认为原因之一 是一个慢性复发症 |
| 177 | is because we are looking in the wrong place we are looking at the thing that people use | 因为我们找错地方了 我们找错人了 |
| 178 | and we are trying to control it now if my addiction is the delegation of my emotions | 而我们现在正试图控制它 如果我的瘾君子是我的情感代表团 |
| 179 | onto something else if you take that away I'm just going over here until you're not looking | 如果你拿走了,我只好来这里 直到你不再看 |
| 180 | and I'm going back there again chronic relapsing condition unless you teach me how to take care of | 我又要回去了 除非你教我怎么照顾 |
| 181 | me and how do you do that simple things when you look in the mirror say nice things to yourself | 我和你如何做那些简单的事情 当你看着镜子 对自己说好话 |
| 182 | and if that's difficult get a picture of yourself around six or seven years old | 如果这很难拍到自己六七岁的照片 |
| 183 | and pop it up in your bathroom and start to talk to her or him start to talk to her literally | 把它弹到你的浴室里 开始和她说话 或者他开始和她说话 |
| 184 | morning that felt really weird I want you to start to create a relationship with a part of yourself | 早上感觉很怪 我希望你能开始 与你的一部分建立关系 |
| 185 | that might feel vulnerable and who really needs you on side and at the end of the day | 可能觉得自己很脆弱 并且真正需要你的人 |
| 186 | write down what you're grateful for because there are people that I have known in my life | 写下你感激的事 因为我这辈子认识的人 |
| 187 | who would give their eye teeth to be here today it is such a precious gift each one of us is | 今天会给自己的眼牙来这 是我们每个人的珍贵礼物 |
| 188 | individual as long as we remember that and we remain completely invested in the curiosity | 只要我们记住这一点 并且我们继续全力投入好奇心 |
| 189 | instead of the offense when we meet people and interact with them thank you very much for listening | 而不是犯罪,当我们遇见人 和他们互动 非常感谢你的倾听 |
该视频共有字幕 189 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格
P2 · 越懂事的人，越容易把自己彻底耗干【TED演讲】 p02 英文字幕(中文外挂) (P2)
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | I'm an addictions therapist, I'm also a recovering addict, I'm a parent and I do a lot of work | 我是一个瘾君子治疗师,我也是一个康复的瘾君子,我是一个父母,我做很多工作 |
| 0:08 | now in the field of recovery and looking at addiction, looking at mental health and most | 现在,在康复和观察瘾君子, 观察心理健康和大多数 |
| 0:13 | importantly looking at early intervention and what is the one thing that we could really | 重要的是看早期的干预 是什么是我们真正能够做的 |
| 0:17 | home in on that would be the best preventative measure and I think that that falls into those | 这才是最好的预防措施 我认为这属于 |
| 0:23 | two little words, self-esteem. | 两个小字,自尊。 |
| 0:25 | But self-esteem is a very well known phrase but what actually | 但自尊是一个非常众所周知的短语 但实际上 |
| 0:29 | is it and I think that in its kind of core self-esteem is how I feel about myself and | 是,我想,在它的核心 自尊就是我对自己的感觉, |
| 0:37 | therefore how I treat myself, therefore how I behave. | 因此,我如何对待自己, 因此我如何行为。 |
| 0:40 | When I say to people I'm a recovering | 当我对别人说我是康复者 |
| 0:42 | addict they say things like what were you addicted to and I kind of yawn you know it's not about | 瘾君子会说些你上瘾的话 而我打哈欠 你知道这与你无关 |
展开字幕全文（189 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I'm an addictions therapist, I'm also a recovering addict, I'm a parent and I do a lot of work | 我是一个瘾君子治疗师,我也是一个康复的瘾君子,我是一个父母,我做很多工作 |
| 2 | now in the field of recovery and looking at addiction, looking at mental health and most | 现在,在康复和观察瘾君子, 观察心理健康和大多数 |
| 3 | importantly looking at early intervention and what is the one thing that we could really | 重要的是看早期的干预 是什么是我们真正能够做的 |
| 4 | home in on that would be the best preventative measure and I think that that falls into those | 这才是最好的预防措施 我认为这属于 |
| 5 | two little words, self-esteem. | 两个小字,自尊。 |
| 6 | But self-esteem is a very well known phrase but what actually | 但自尊是一个非常众所周知的短语 但实际上 |
| 7 | is it and I think that in its kind of core self-esteem is how I feel about myself and | 是,我想,在它的核心 自尊就是我对自己的感觉, |
| 8 | therefore how I treat myself, therefore how I behave. | 因此,我如何对待自己, 因此我如何行为。 |
| 9 | When I say to people I'm a recovering | 当我对别人说我是康复者 |
| 10 | addict they say things like what were you addicted to and I kind of yawn you know it's not about | 瘾君子会说些你上瘾的话 而我打哈欠 你知道这与你无关 |
| 11 | what I'm addicted to or was addicted to, this is about why would I use something outside of | 我沉迷于或沉迷于什么,这就是为什么我会使用 之外的东西 |
| 12 | myself in an attempt to fix how I feel to the detriment of myself. | 为了改变我对自己不利的感觉 |
| 13 | So my first message to you | 所以我给你的第一个信息 |
| 14 | really is that addiction isn't the drug of choice of which I believe there are probably 15 or 16 | 实际上,瘾并不是我所选择的药物, 我相信大概有15或16个 |
| 15 | regular manifestations of addiction but it is the pattern of delegating, of outsourcing your | 成瘾的常规表现,但这是 授权,外包你 |
| 16 | emotional process onto something else that backfires. | 情感过程在别的东西 反射。 |
| 17 | So there's nothing more normal than any of you or | 所以没有比你们更正常的了 |
| 18 | indeed anyone who might be sitting next to me at a dinner party who's having a drink and they're | 任何坐在我旁边的 晚餐派对上喝酒的人 |
| 19 | having a nice time and relaxing and they turn to me and say what do you do for a living and I say | 享受愉快的时光 放松下来 然后他们转向我 说你是做什么的 我说 |
| 20 | well you might want to finish your drink first because my experience is that you lot get really | 好吧,你也许想先喝完你的酒 因为我的经验是,你们真的 |
| 21 | defensive when I say I'm an addiction therapist I either get oh do you know what I think that I've | 当我说我是瘾君子心理医生时... ... 我要么得到哦... |
| 22 | been drinking quite a lot or I'm worried about my daughter or whatever or I get oh I don't usually | 喝了很多 或者我担心我女儿什么的 或者我得到 哦,我通常不 |
| 23 | drink this much I've just had a really big week. | 喝这么多,我刚刚有一个非常大的一周。 |
| 24 | We're very defensive about being seen, | 我们非常防守被看到, |
| 25 | really being seen. | 真的被人看见了 |
| 26 | You know when you walk down the street you trip over the first thing you | 你知道当你走在街上 你绊倒的第一件事 |
| 27 | don't do is go ow the first thing you do is say oh who saw that? | 不做是去,为什么你做的第一件事 是说哦谁看到了? |
| 28 | My experience of my vulnerability, | 我经历的脆弱, |
| 29 | my experience of what it's like for me to be in the world and to be seen is exactly what makes me | 我对世界的感受 和被人们看到的经验 正是让我 |
| 30 | want to defend myself. | 想为自己辩护 |
| 31 | Control a little bit what you think of me, how you see me, your access to me | 控制一下你对我的看法 如何看待我,如何接触我 |
| 32 | and that's normal but if you're like me or like millions of other people like me and you have had | 这是正常的,但如果你像我或像 数百万其他人像我,你有 |
| 33 | if you like an upbringing or an experience in your life that means that very early on your | 如果你喜欢成长 或经历 在你的生活中, 这意味着很早就 |
| 34 | experience of vulnerability was one that left you afraid and uncertain and actually what you | 脆弱的经历 让你害怕和不确定 |
| 35 | wanted to do was get out of your skin leave that behind and be someone else and maybe in that kind | 想要做的是离开你的皮肤 留下它,成为另一个人 也许在那种 |
| 36 | of environment you might want to be a good girl. | 你可能想成为一个好女孩 |
| 37 | Let's just say that in the environment where there | 这么说吧 在那里的环境 |
| 38 | is a family and there is somebody of high need it's nobody's fault but there's somebody who | 是一家人,有需要的人... ...这是没有人的错,但有人谁 |
| 39 | has high need in that family they're depressed or they're anxious or they're angry or they're | 家庭非常需要他们 沮丧或焦虑或愤怒 |
| 40 | unhappy or they're ill in some way. | 不开心或者他们生病了 |
| 41 | Let's say the child has a sibling who is high maintenance | 这么说吧,孩子有一个兄弟 高额赡养费 |
| 42 | and they see all the family resources looking after this child all of them worrying about this | 他们看到所有的家庭资源 照顾这个孩子 他们都担心这个 |
| 43 | child and the sibling will say do you know what I don't want to ask anything of the family system | 孩子和兄弟会说 你知道我不想问什么家庭系统 |
| 44 | I'll give to it I'll be a good girl so when mum needs help I'll say I'll leave the table I'll go | 我会做一个好女孩 当妈妈需要帮助时 我会说我会离开桌子,我会离开 |
| 45 | and get my brother for supper that's okay no I'm all right I've already done my homework and my mum | 帮我哥哥吃晚饭,没关系,我没事 我已经做功课了,还有我妈妈 |
| 46 | says where would I be without you where would I be without you you're my good girl and I'm like oh | 说没有你,我会在哪里? 没有你,我会在哪里? |
| 47 | validated and then I go to school and I do tidy up time and when a new girl comes in I show her | 验证后我去学校整理时间 当一个新女孩进来时 我给她看 |
| 48 | around I'm quite happy to do that and the parents hear such a nice child to have around really | 我很高兴这样做 父母听到这样漂亮的孩子 身边真的 |
| 49 | doesn't get into all of those cliques and then that child goes to secondary school and this is | 不进入所有那些俱乐部 然后那个孩子上中学,这是 |
| 50 | when I as a therapist meet the parents who say my daughter's fallen in with a bad crowd I don't | 我当心理医生时 遇到那些说我女儿 和一群坏人在一起的父母 |
| 51 | really believe in a bad crowd by the way my question to the parents is why would your daughter feel at | 我对父母的疑问是 你女儿为什么会觉得 |
| 52 | home around people who are troubled tell me tell me something about her family background that | 有麻烦的人在家 告诉我她家庭背景 |
| 53 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH | |
| 54 | an emotional shock absorber a rock a good girl a nice girl don't worry about me I'll be all right | 情感冲击吸收器 岩石 好女孩 乖女孩 不用担心我 我会好起来的 |
| 55 | let's worry about you and I bet you bottom dollar that later on she will fall in love with someone | 让我们担心你 我敢打赌,你下美元 以后她会爱上某人 |
| 56 | who is high maintenance she will translate those feelings about who she is and how she feels about | 她会翻译那些关于她是谁和她的感受 |
| 57 | herself as love her eyes will meet across the bar against someone and of course this person is going | 她自己就像爱人一样 她的眼睛会在酒吧对面相遇 这个人当然会去 |
| 58 | to be high maintenance and they will demand that she stays in that role of caretaker that she stays | 他们要求她继续当看管人 |
| 59 | in that role of giving don't worry about me let's worry about you and as a result she is likely to | 在那个角色,不要担心我 让我们担心你,结果她很可能 |
| 60 | end up running on empty because she doesn't know how to take for herself and actually as a child | 最终空空奔走 因为她不知道如何为自己 和实际上作为一个孩子 |
| 61 | she learned that I'm not going to take from the family system I'll just be a good girl I'll get | 她知道我不会接受家庭制度 我会成为一个好女孩 |
| 62 | my validation that way so her giving is conditional if I'm a good girl will you like me | 那样她就会有条件 如果我是好女孩 你会喜欢我吗? |
| 63 | so all my giving all my comforting when you're crying is if you're crying and I come and comfort | 所以在你哭的时候我所有的安慰 就是如果你哭了,我来了安慰你 |
| 64 | you and you don't feel better I feel like I've failed so as your caretaker in this particular | 你和你的感觉并不好 我觉得我失败了 所以作为你的照顾者 |
| 65 | role you will feel obliged to feel better when I start to comfort you now you might wonder why I'm | 当我开始安慰你的时候 你会觉得自己有义务感觉好点 你会想知道我为什么 |
| 66 | talking about this and the reason I'm talking about this is because high maintenance individuals | 我之所以要说这些 是因为高水平的维修人员 |
| 67 | will always attract the compulsive caretaker you must always have this formula of somebody | 总是会吸引强制的看护人 你总得有这种配方的人 |
| 68 | being having somebody else if you like picking up the pieces of the other person the enablement | 如果你喜欢拿起别人的碎片 就能有别人 |
| 69 | that allows somebody to be the emotional shock absorber somebody to be sweeping up the pieces | 让某人成为情感冲击的吸收器 有人正在清理碎片 |
| 70 | after somebody else's mistakes and when I meet those people later on and they may have children | 在别人犯过错之后 当我遇到那些人时 他们可能会有孩子 |
| 71 | themselves and the children treat them with no respect and they say why why I do everything | 他们不尊重他们 说为什么我什么都做 |
| 72 | after all I've done for you and you treat me like this and I look at them and I think you're | 我为你做了这么多 你这样对我 我看着他们,我觉得你 |
| 73 | running on empty why are you running on empty and why is your giving so conditional and they will | 你为何在空地上奔跑 为何你的赠与如此有条件,他们会的 |
| 74 | often present with depression or anxiety they will present with symptoms that they feel bad about | 经常出现抑郁症或焦虑症 他们会表现出他们感到痛苦的症状 |
| 75 | having and as a therapist I am saying to you I would like to go back to look at what is your | 作为一名治疗师 我想回去看看你的 |
| 76 | ability to receive what is your ability to say I need help what is your ability to say no what is | 能够接受你的能力 我需要帮助 你的能力是说不是什么 |
| 77 | your ability to have self-respect so that you can look after yourself and therefore give generously | 你有能力有自尊 这样你就可以照顾自己 因此慷慨解囊 |
| 78 | from a place of abundance instead of giving from a place that is running on empty because your | 从丰盛的地方,而不是从空旷的地方,因为你 |
| 79 | giving has come from there not being enough to go around and I'm very interested in looking at | 赠予来自那里 不足以四处走动 我非常有兴趣看 |
| 80 | addictive processes often anxiety and depression and working with these kind of diagnoses but with | 上瘾过程常常是焦虑和抑郁,并且与这种诊断合作,但与 |
| 81 | the person yes we work with people who might want to take medication alongside but I'm really | 是的,我们和那些想一起吃药的人一起工作 但我真的 |
| 82 | interested in the person there is no point in me telling you techniques of parenting for prevention | 我对一个人有兴趣 告诉你如何为人父母 |
| 83 | I can tell you those things unless you get comfortably in your own shoes and you have | 我可以告诉你那些事 除非你能轻松地穿好自己的鞋 |
| 84 | self-respect and you maintain that because then whomever you're talking to cannot shoot the | 自尊,你坚持这一点 因为那样的话,你所说的任何人 都无法射击 |
| 85 | so when I am thinking about how somebody feels if I was to ask some of you in the audience how you | 所以当我在想别人的感受时 如果我在观众中问你们中的一些人 |
| 86 | feel maybe not now but at another time you might say something like fine and I'm thinking well I | 感觉也许不是现在,但是在另一个时候 你可能会说一些像 罚款,我在想什么 |
| 87 | still don't know how you feel and then you'll say okay and I'm thinking well I still don't know how | 仍然不知道你的感受 然后你会说好的 我在想... ...我还是不知道如何 |
| 88 | you feel what are the feelings you experience and then people often feel embarrassed or awkward or | 你感觉到你经历的感受 然后人们常常觉得尴尬或尴尬 |
| 89 | I don't know what you're asking me I don't know what you mean by a feeling and I'm thinking | 我不知道你在问我什么 我不知道你在说什么 |
| 90 | really stop how do you feel because if you know the feelings that you're having then you have a | 真正停止你的感受 因为如果你知道你的感受 |
| 91 | chance of taking responsibility and representing yourself in the world with dignity and with | 在世界上有尊严地、以 |
| 92 | respect so when I was working with a teacher with this child in her classroom she was very excited | 所以当我和老师一起工作的时候 她很兴奋 |
| 93 | and this little girl used to want attention she could please please please I'm so excited I'll get | 这个小女孩过去想引起注意,她可以请, 求你了,我太兴奋了,我会得到 |
| 94 | it I'll get it get very excited and the teacher would say for goodness sake Mandy will you calm | 我会得到它非常兴奋 老师会说 看在上帝的份上 Mandy 你会冷静下来的 |
| 95 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}孩子会很羞耻 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我们谈过了 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}这样孩子还是会变得非常 | |
| 96 | excited and then she'd start to displace and take hostages and get other people to giggle | 兴奋,然后她开始 驱赶和劫持人质 让其他人笑 |
| 97 | and the teacher started to say she's very disruptive and then this girl started to say | 老师开始说她非常的干扰 然后这个女孩开始说 |
| 98 | I'm so excited bang and she'd slam her hand on the wall or on the desk or on the wall and when | 我太兴奋了 她会把手按在墙上 或者桌子上 或者墙上 |
| 99 | we were talking I was thinking this is her external way of managing her emotions this little girl | и酵杠и稱硂琌快猭 |
| 100 | does not know how to handle excitement and possibly the other end of the scale depression | 不知道如何应对兴奋 可能还有另一端的抑郁症 |
| 101 | so we need to look at that child and think you need to be taught how to handle your excitement | 所以我们得看看那个孩子 觉得你需要学会如何处理你的兴奋 |
| 102 | instead of being labeled as difficult because as a parent body a child is a heat-seeking missile | 而不是被贴上困难的标签 因为作为一个父母的躯体 一个孩子是一个寻热导弹 |
| 103 | for what they want I've no idea how many of you are parents but I am a parent and I know that | 他们想要什么 我不知道你们有多少人是父母 但我是父母 我知道 |
| 104 | children are heat-seeking missiles for what they want and they will come at the parent as the person | 孩子们想要的都是寻热导弹 他们会像一个人一样来到父母身边 |
| 105 | who's going to deliver that and the parent generally speaking will do one of two things | 父母一般会做两件事之一 |
| 106 | for goodness sake will you leave me alone and the child goes into shame fear have I hurt my parent | 看在上帝的份上,你别烦我,孩子会感到羞耻 我伤害了我的父母 |
| 107 | what's wrong with me or go on then do exactly what you want entitled behavior so when this parent | 我怎么了 继续做你想做的事 当这个家长 |
| 108 | next time tries to hold a boundary I'm going to say no the child will say somewhere around here | 下次想划出界线 我就说不要让孩子说 |
| 109 | is that button that if I press it hard enough I get what I want and then parents say they're a | 是那个按钮,如果我按得够硬 我就得到我想要的 然后父母说他们是 |
| 110 | nightmare I don't know my child anymore I feel de-skilled I'm not in control of my family and I'm | 噩梦,我不再认识我的孩子 我感觉自己没有技能了 我无法控制我的家人 |
| 111 | like do you know what take your eye off the kids for a minute because all they're doing is showing | 就像你知道是什么让你的眼睛 离开孩子们一分钟 因为他们所做的只是显示 |
| 112 | you where your weak point is if you're busy doing the washing up and you're kind of stressed and | 如果你忙着洗衣服 压力很大的话 |
| 113 | come in and start going ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am ma'am then you need to know that they have | 进来,开始去 夫人,夫人,夫人,夫人 |
| 114 | chosen that exact moment because it gives them exactly what they want and what you're going to | 选择了准确的时刻,因为它给了他们 完全他们想要什么,你要去什么 |
| 115 | do is oh go on then go on the PlayStation I don't care do what you want yeah I got exactly what I | 做是哦,继续,然后去的 PlayStation 我不管你想做什么 |
| 116 | wanted if you're able to stand there and think I'm feeling really irritated I'm feeling like put | 如果你能站在那里 觉得我感到很烦恼 我感觉就像被放进去一样 |
| 117 | under pressure and you know that you can actually stand and think wow look at me I'm getting really | 在压力下,你知道,你可以 真正站起来,想哇看我 我得到真的 |
| 118 | stressed here and you can say listen I've just said no now if your child does not know that you've | 这里压力很大,你可以说,听好,我刚刚说了不 现在,如果你的孩子不知道 你已经 |
| 119 | got a no up your sleeve and that you can hold a no they will push and push and push once they know | 袖子上没有,你可以握住,一旦他们知道 他们就会推,推,推 |
| 120 | you can hold a no once they know that you can actually give them a boundary that they can push | 一旦他们知道你能给他们一个界线 他们就能推 |
| 121 | safely up against then they will respect it so if you can stand there and be in touch with your | 安全地对抗,他们会尊重它 如果你能站在那里和你联系 |
| 122 | phoenix and instead of behaving like oh for god's sake just go away and then they're off happy and | 凤凰 而不是像哦 看在上帝的份上 只是走了,然后他们走了快乐, |
| 123 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我想我为什么这么生气 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}你居然说我要你冷静下来 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}答案是... | |
| 124 | and then they nag and nag and nag and nag you need to be thinking wow I must have given in a lot in | 礛)璶稱 |
| 125 | the past for them to be so persistent not why are you doing this to me no I've set you up for this | 他们的过去如此坚持... ... |
| 126 | and I actually need to start getting a handle on how I behave as a result of how I feel otherwise | 实际上,我需要开始 得到一个控制我的行为 因为我的感受是不同的 |
| 127 | I am not going to know me I'm going to be in resentment against my kids I'm going to be | 我不会了解我 我会对我的孩子感到憎恨 |
| 128 | feeling poor me I'm going to be in that space of expectation and resentment which is a pernicious | 可怜我,我会在 期待和怨恨的空间 这是一个有害的 |
| 129 | cycle and then perhaps in comes the husband what's all this going on in here what's all this noise | 轮回,然后也许丈夫来了 这一切是怎么回事 在这里... ... |
| 130 | and you're like oh it's nothing it's nothing darling don't worry so what do you mean it's | 你就像 哦,这没什么,亲爱的 不要担心,你是什么意思 |
| 131 | nothing I'm trying to get on what's what's she doing on the PlayStation again and you're just | 我什么也没有想得到 什么是她在做什么 再次在PlayStation 而你只是 |
| 132 | in there angry upset you're picking a fight now with your husband you're feeling isolated | 里面很生气,你现在和你丈夫吵架 觉得自己被孤立了 |
| 133 | and you're thinking what about me why is it always me who has to do everything around here | 你却在想我为什么总是要我做所有的事 |
| 134 | and you'll find that the family dynamics subtle as they may be start to fracture a little and | 你会发现 家庭的动态 微妙 因为他们可能 开始骨折一点点 |
| 135 | maybe like I did as I grew up one of these children might start to think that they're | 也许像我长大的时候一样 其中一个孩子可能开始认为他们是 |
| 136 | difficult I was told as I was difficult as I grew up and I believed it and so somewhere | 很难说,当我长大了,我相信了,所以在某处 |
| 137 | inside me before I was even 13 I believed that if you got close to me that if you got to know me | 在我13岁之前我内心深处 我相信如果你接近我 如果你了解我 |
| 138 | you'd find out that I'm not what I look like that I that there's something wrong with me | 你会发现我长得不像我 我有点不对劲 |
| 139 | and I felt that you would reject me so there's no way I'm actually going to let you close | 我觉得你会拒绝我 所以我不会让你关门 |
| 140 | so I used to spend my life playing performing people pleasing being defiant being the rebel | 所以我一生都在演戏 喜欢做叛逆者 |
| 141 | being anyone anything other than me because if you get close to me it's going to hurt | 成为除了我以外的任何人 因为如果你接近我 会很痛苦的 |
| 142 | but suddenly when I discover something more potent than all those behaviors | 但突然间,我发现 比所有这些行为更厉害的东西 |
| 143 | that does the job that defends me from feeling vulnerable in front of you because believe me | 这能保护我 避免在你面前感到脆弱 因为相信我 |
| 144 | I judge how I feel against how you look and that sets me up to lose because I can't see | 我判断我的感受 与你的样子 和那让我失去 因为我看不到 |
| 145 | your frailties if I'm in my self-centered fear if I'm thinking I'm going to go out somewhere and | 你的弱点,如果我在我的自我中心 恐惧,如果我想 我想出去的地方, |
| 146 | full of that fear and I'm thinking I don't know what to wear I don't know anybody there I don't | 满怀恐惧,我想我不知道该穿什么 我不认识在那里的人 |
| 147 | know what to say I'm not interesting I'm not funny and I go into the room with all of that | 知道该说什么吗 我不好玩 我不好笑 我带着这些进房间 |
| 148 | I'm not looking at anyone else I'm walking into the room like that | 我不看别人 我走进房间这样 |
| 149 | I'm looking and I'll probably I'll probably pick up somebody who's co-dependent a caretaker says | 我在寻找,我可能会 可能我会接一个人 谁共同依赖一个看守说 |
| 150 | are you okay and they're looking for someone like me to take care of and we can stand together | ⊿ㄆ ти硂贺 |
| 151 | pretending to be at a party together but actually all we're doing is preventing each other from | 假装在派对上在一起 但实际上我们所做的只是阻止对方 |
| 152 | feeling vulnerable and isolated if I know I am in my self-centered fear if I know I'm in that space | 如果我知道自己在自我恐惧中 如果我在那个空间里 |
| 153 | whereby there's a sense maybe an early childhood sense that there is something wrong with me I can | 有一种感觉,也许早期的童年 感觉我有些不对劲 |
| 154 | actually put my arm around myself and I can say do you know what Mandy I love you I love you and | 其实我的手臂绕着我,我可以说 你知道什么曼迪我爱你,我爱你 |
| 155 | I'm going to be with you and we can do this thing and it's not all about you there are loads of | 我会和你在一起,我们可以做到这一点 事情不是所有的你 有负载 |
| 156 | people there go and chat to someone just go and have a conversation with someone it's not such | 那边的人去和别人聊天 去和别人聊天,不是那样的 |
| 157 | a big deal and I manage to take myself out of that fear suddenly I am available to talk to you I am | 一件大事,我设法摆脱了恐惧 突然,我可以和你谈谈,我是 |
| 158 | available to live so when we're treating addiction sure we've got to get people sober from whatever | 所以当我们治疗成瘾时 我们一定要让人们清醒 |
| 159 | their addictive pattern is but then we need to get them out of the self-harming behaviors | 他们的上瘾模式是 但我们需要让他们摆脱自我伤害行为 |
| 160 | so that when they look in the mirror they're not going oh my god I'm so winky I'm so disgusting | 所以当他们照镜子时,他们不会走 哦,我的上帝,我太帅了,我太恶心了 |
| 161 | no that is self-harming thinking I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to get to know | 不,那是伤害自己的想法 我要你照照镜子,我要你知道 |
| 162 | your face I want you to appreciate the lines on your face like they are the map of your life | 你的脸,我要你欣赏你脸上的台词 就像是你的人生地图一样 |
| 163 | wherever the pain is wherever the carving is and the shaping is it's yours and when you look in the | 无论痛苦在哪里 雕刻在哪里 造型是你的 当你看着 |
| 164 | mirror to really appreciate that and make the best friend you can of yourself because if you | 照镜子去欣赏它 并让最好的朋友 你可以自己,因为如果你 |
| 165 | are friends with yourself you will not persistently do something to yourself to hurt yourself over and | 与自己是朋友,你不会 坚持做一些事情 伤害自己过和 |
| 166 | again in 2008 I got rheumatoid arthritis and I was laid up 2006 and I was laid up for nearly a year | 又是在2008年 我患了风湿性关节炎 2006年 我被安排了将近一年 |
| 167 | and I was unable to walk unable to move unable to use my hands unable to do anything this friend of | 我无法行走 无法移动 无法使用我的手 无法做任何事情 |
| 168 | mine said have you thought of working the 12-step program around this and this is the AA 12-step | и弧筁稱筁 硂暗12̇璸购 硂琌AA12̇ |
| 169 | fellowship program which fundamentally is about surrender to help and I was furious I was lying | 奖学金计划 基本上是投降来帮忙 我生气了 我在撒谎 |
| 170 | on this bed thinking you don't understand what this is like but I was a captive audience and I | 在这张床上,你以为不明白 是什么样子 但我是一个俘虏观众,我 |
| 171 | thought surrender to help surrender to help oh take the medication with gratitude start looking | 想投降 帮助投降 帮助哦 吃药 感谢开始寻找 |
| 172 | outside of this tiny world of pain that I was living in and just start committing to each tiny | 除了我生活在一个小小的痛苦世界之外 开始致力于每一个小小的 |
| 173 | step and today truly I feel like a complete miracle of all the medication that I have taken | 今天我觉得我吃过的所有药都是奇迹 |
| 174 | in the last 10 years to treat this condition I feel really grateful for the recovery I've got | 过去10年里,为了治疗这种病, 我非常感激我的康复 |
| 175 | and for the opportunity to be able to say that I know that addiction is known as a chronic relapsing | 并且有机会说 我知道瘾症被称为慢性复发 |
| 176 | condition but I don't agree I think one of the reasons that it is a chronic relapsing condition | 病情,但我不同意 我认为原因之一 是一个慢性复发症 |
| 177 | is because we are looking in the wrong place we are looking at the thing that people use | 因为我们找错地方了 我们找错人了 |
| 178 | and we are trying to control it now if my addiction is the delegation of my emotions | 而我们现在正试图控制它 如果我的瘾君子是我的情感代表团 |
| 179 | onto something else if you take that away I'm just going over here until you're not looking | 如果你拿走了,我只好来这里 直到你不再看 |
| 180 | and I'm going back there again chronic relapsing condition unless you teach me how to take care of | 我又要回去了 除非你教我怎么照顾 |
| 181 | me and how do you do that simple things when you look in the mirror say nice things to yourself | 我和你如何做那些简单的事情 当你看着镜子 对自己说好话 |
| 182 | and if that's difficult get a picture of yourself around six or seven years old | 如果这很难拍到自己六七岁的照片 |
| 183 | and pop it up in your bathroom and start to talk to her or him start to talk to her literally | 把它弹到你的浴室里 开始和她说话 或者他开始和她说话 |
| 184 | morning that felt really weird I want you to start to create a relationship with a part of yourself | 早上感觉很怪 我希望你能开始 与你的一部分建立关系 |
| 185 | that might feel vulnerable and who really needs you on side and at the end of the day | 可能觉得自己很脆弱 并且真正需要你的人 |
| 186 | write down what you're grateful for because there are people that I have known in my life | 写下你感激的事 因为我这辈子认识的人 |
| 187 | who would give their eye teeth to be here today it is such a precious gift each one of us is | 今天会给自己的眼牙来这 是我们每个人的珍贵礼物 |
| 188 | individual as long as we remember that and we remain completely invested in the curiosity | 只要我们记住这一点 并且我们继续全力投入好奇心 |
| 189 | instead of the offense when we meet people and interact with them thank you very much for listening | 而不是犯罪,当我们遇见人 和他们互动 非常感谢你的倾听 |
该视频共有字幕 189 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格