【TED演讲】被需要的代价
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:01 | You know there was a time in my life where I used to pay people to be my friend | 你知道,在我生命中曾经有一段时间,我曾经付钱给别人做我的朋友 |
| 0:08 | Yes, it wasn't loud. | 是的,它不响。 |
| 0:11 | It was quiet | 很安静 |
| 0:13 | Now I don't mean that people just came up to me and say hey Rita. | 我不是说有人来找我说嗨丽塔 |
| 0:17 | Here's some money. | 这里有一些钱。 |
| 0:18 | I'll be your friend | 我会成为你的朋友 |
| 0:19 | No, it wasn't like that, but I did pay though | 不,不是那样的,但我确实付钱了 |
| 0:23 | When we all went out to eat who flipped the bill me | 当我们都出去吃饭时 谁把帐单翻了我 |
| 0:28 | When they had their projects their events who invested it was me | 当他们有他们的项目 他们的活动谁投资的是 是我 |
| 0:33 | But deep down inside. | 但内心深处. |
展开字幕全文（116 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | You know there was a time in my life where I used to pay people to be my friend | 你知道,在我生命中曾经有一段时间,我曾经付钱给别人做我的朋友 |
| 2 | Yes, it wasn't loud. | 是的,它不响。 |
| 3 | It was quiet | 很安静 |
| 4 | Now I don't mean that people just came up to me and say hey Rita. | 我不是说有人来找我说嗨丽塔 |
| 5 | Here's some money. | 这里有一些钱。 |
| 6 | I'll be your friend | 我会成为你的朋友 |
| 7 | No, it wasn't like that, but I did pay though | 不,不是那样的,但我确实付钱了 |
| 8 | When we all went out to eat who flipped the bill me | 当我们都出去吃饭时 谁把帐单翻了我 |
| 9 | When they had their projects their events who invested it was me | 当他们有他们的项目 他们的活动谁投资的是 是我 |
| 10 | But deep down inside. | 但内心深处. |
| 11 | I thought if I would just do these things I will feel | 我想如果我做这些事情,我会觉得 |
| 12 | Wanted not just needed but wanted | 想要的不只是需要,而是想要的 |
| 13 | Now when I say wanted what I've really mean is that I want to be invited and included without anybody needing a favor or | 现在,当我说想要我真正的意思是 我想被邀请 和包含 不需要任何人需要帮助或 |
| 14 | handout and | 施药和 |
| 15 | Don't get me wrong. | 别误会 |
| 16 | There's nothing wrong with helping out your friends, but it comes to a point when you're giving and it hurts | 帮助你的朋友没什么不对的 但到了你付出的时候 却很痛 |
| 17 | Sometimes you're giving out of fear | 有时候你会因为恐惧而放弃 |
| 18 | And that means if you stop you're afraid that they won't want you anymore | 这就是说,如果你停止了 你害怕他们不再想要你 |
| 19 | But today I'm going to share how we can recognize that | 但今天我要分享我们如何认识 |
| 20 | We're paying the cost to being wanted and the cost is too high and there's going to be two ways | 我们为被通缉付出了代价 代价太高,有两种方法 |
| 21 | I'm going to show you | 我给你看 |
| 22 | But I know I'm not the only one y'all sitting here. | 但我知道不是只有我一个人坐在这里 |
| 23 | I know that y'all are leaders | 我知道你们都是领袖 |
| 24 | helpers | 帮助者 |
| 25 | Male female it doesn't matter | 雄性女性没关系 |
| 26 | We've all had this thought in the back of our head if I came to the family reunion | 我们都在脑后有这种想法 如果我去家庭团聚 |
| 27 | Or if I came to the event or sitting here right now, will people even notice if I left? | 或者如果我来参加活动 或者现在坐在这里 人们会注意到我走了吗? |
| 28 | Well mine showed up in friendship. | 好吧,我的出现 在友谊。 |
| 29 | I was part of the organization | 我是组织的一员 |
| 30 | You know the one that they call themselves a sisterhood | 你知道他们自称姐妹的那个 |
| 31 | We were where the colors sing the songs go to all the events. | 我们唱的颜色 歌曲去所有的活动。 |
| 32 | I was there celebrating every milestone | 我在那里庆祝每一个里程碑 |
| 33 | Whether it was a birthday a new baby a promotion that new house I was there | 不管是生日还是新宝宝 我在那里的新房子升职 |
| 34 | but when it came to something very pivotal in my life a | 但当我生命中最关键的事情 |
| 35 | divorce | 离婚情况 |
| 36 | The silence was loud. | 寂静如响. |
| 37 | I never got that text. | 我从来没有收到那条短信。 |
| 38 | No one ever called me and said hey girl | 从来没有人打电话给我,说嘿女孩 |
| 39 | You okay? | 你没事吧? |
| 40 | You need me to come over | 你需要我过去 |
| 41 | Crickets and that's when I realized you know what you can be in a room like this an | 板球,那时我才意识到 你知道你可以在这样的房间里 |
| 42 | Organization even a family reunion, and you can still not feel | 组织连家人团聚,你还是感觉不到 |
| 43 | wanted now | 现在想要 |
| 44 | Maybe for you is not | 也许对你来说不是 |
| 45 | Friends, maybe it's at work | 朋友们,也许在工作 |
| 46 | You know they always select you to do the project because they can count on you | 你知道他们总是选择你来做这个项目 因为他们可以指望你 |
| 47 | You're gonna show up for work. | 你会去上班的 |
| 48 | You ain't calling out. | 你没有喊出来。 |
| 49 | You ain't even taking vacation | 你连度假都没有 |
| 50 | But when those papers get stacked high on the desk and that deadline comes | 但当那些文件被堆在桌子上 并且最后期限来临 |
| 51 | Who's out there helping you? | 谁在帮你? |
| 52 | nobody or | 没有人或 |
| 53 | Maybe it's family | 也许是家人 |
| 54 | You know I don't know if y'all know but some of y'all your nickname is fixer | 你知道我不知道你们是否都知道 但你的绰号是固定的 |
| 55 | You know why because every time there's a problem. | 你知道为什么,因为每次有问题。 |
| 56 | They call you to fix it | 他们叫你来修 |
| 57 | Because you the one with the money you the one with the intellect you the one with the patience | 因为你有钱,你聪明,你耐心 |
| 58 | Or maybe it is relationships | 或许是关系 |
| 59 | You're always the one that's giving and giving and giving | 你总是一个 给予,给予,给予,给予 |
| 60 | But when it comes to you | 但是,当它涉及到你 |
| 61 | Nothing and there you're feeling all alone | 没什么,你觉得很孤独 |
| 62 | Well, I can tell you from experience | 我可以从经验中告诉你 |
| 63 | There's times where you just have to say no because what you wind up doing is you wind up compensating to earn love | 有时候你不得不说不 因为你最后做的是 你为了赢得爱而补偿 |
| 64 | to earn connection | 以获取连接 |
| 65 | To earn community and you're one of the things I try to convince myself | 为了创造社区,你是我试图说服自己的事情之一 |
| 66 | Self you just being too sensitive | 自认你太敏感了 |
| 67 | You too old to be acting like that. | 你太老了,不能这样 |
| 68 | Oh people don't care about if anybody wants them or not | 别人不在乎有没有人想要 |
| 69 | But we do we do want to be cared for we do want people to check on us | 但是我们确实想被照顾 我们确实希望人们来检查我们 |
| 70 | We do want to feel included and so it's okay if you feel that way | 我们确实想觉得自己被包含在内 所以如果你这样想也没关系 |
| 71 | But today we're gonna move past that | 但今天我们要越过那个 |
| 72 | Move past those emotions and we can talk about something that really helped me and I know it's gonna help you | 离开那些情绪 我们可以谈一些真正帮助我的事情 我知道这会帮助你 |
| 73 | There's two ways that you can evaluate whether or not you're paying the high cost of losing yourself | 有两种方法可以评估你是否为失去自己付出了高昂的代价 |
| 74 | Just so you can be connected | 只是为了让你可以连接 |
| 75 | The first way that you can do this is call the cost check | 第一种方法就是叫成本检查 |
| 76 | What do I mean by the cost check? | 检查成本是什么意思? |
| 77 | Instead of me asking the question. | 而不是问我的问题。 |
| 78 | Why don't these people want me? | 为什么这些人不想要我? |
| 79 | I started asking | 我开始问 |
| 80 | Why am I changing who I am so they can walk want me? | 为什么我要改变我是谁 好让他们能走路 想要我? |
| 81 | That's a game-changer because it doesn't matter about what they think about me. | 那是个游戏改变者 因为他们对我的看法不重要 |
| 82 | I know my value, right? | 我知道我的价值,对不对? |
| 83 | And so each and every one of you just take ten minutes a day | 所以你们每人每天只需要十分钟 |
| 84 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}在你去参加那个活动之前 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}在你把现金交出来之前 | |
| 85 | What is it costing me? | 我花了多少钱? |
| 86 | Is it costing my identity? | 弄丢了我的身份吗? |
| 87 | Is it costing me who I really am just so I can please people and guess what and find out? | 我付出了多少代价吗? 为了取悦大家,猜到什么,然后发现什么? |
| 88 | They were never your people | 他们不是你的人 |
| 89 | The other way that I chose was to check by | 我选择的另一种方式是检查 |
| 90 | the price check | 价格检查 |
| 91 | The price check is am I truly giving out of love? | 价格检查是,我是否真的放弃爱? |
| 92 | Or am I giving out of the fact that I'm so afraid that if I stop giving | 或者我放弃的事实,我是如此害怕 如果我停止给予 |
| 93 | They will never come back around | 他们永远不会回来 |
| 94 | That's something to think about. | 即能思议. |
| 95 | I thought about this even | 我考虑过这个 |
| 96 | In my journeys with connecting with people and organizations | 在我与人和组织联系的旅程中 |
| 97 | I no longer just throw out money now just so I can be a part of something if it does not | 我不再只是扔钱了 这样我就能参与其中 |
| 98 | Line up with my values. | 用我的价值观排队 |
| 99 | It's not meant for me to connect and that's okay | 这不是我该连接的,没关系 |
| 100 | Sure, we have some friends that they are great friends and we should keep them close | 当然,我们有一些朋友 他们是好朋友,我们应该保持他们接近 |
| 101 | We have other friends all they need just a little boundaries, right? | 我们有其他朋友 他们需要的只是一些界限,对吧? |
| 102 | Keep them in there the square and they'll be fine | 把他们留在广场上,没事的 |
| 103 | But then there are some people that the only reason why they want you around because you'll stay in that box | 但有些人想要你来的唯一原因 因为你会留在盒子里 |
| 104 | Because that box makes them comfortable with you | 因为那个盒子让他们跟你很舒服 |
| 105 | That box let them tolerate you it dims your shine. | 那个盒子让他们容忍你 它让你的光芒黯淡 |
| 106 | It doesn't make them feel intimidated | 这不会让他们感到害怕 |
| 107 | But guess what the next chapter you can be yourself | 但是,你猜下一章你能成为你自己 |
| 108 | You can walk in that next room that next conference that next event even that family reunion that sometimes we dread | 你可以走在隔壁的房间里, 下次会议, 下一次活动,即使家庭团聚, 有时我们害怕 |
| 109 | You can walk in there knowing that at the end of the day | 你可以走进去知道 在一天结束时 |
| 110 | I bring value and the cost of leaving myself behind is | 我带来了价值 离开自己的代价是 |
| 111 | Way too much for me to pay | 我付不起太多钱了 |
| 112 | That this chapter of my life is that I'm no longer and you are no longer either | 我人生的这一章 就是我不再是你了 你也不是了 |
| 113 | Waiting for the welcome to have you come into the door no | 等着欢迎你进门 |
| 114 | This next chapter you're gonna look at them and say I know my worth and it's not for sale | 接下来的一章,你会看着他们,说我知道我的价值,它不出售 |
| 115 | Thank you | 谢谢 |
| 116 | No, this next chapter | 不,这是下一章 |
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