为什么“谢谢”比“我爱你”在感情中更重要【TED演讲】
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:06 | Years ago, I was invited to speak at a huge conservative event, one of the most formal | 几年前,我被邀请在一个 巨大的保守活动, 最正式的活动之一 |
| 0:14 | rooms I've ever spoken in. | 房间,我曾经说过。 |
| 0:17 | Here I am, standing on this big room. | 我在这里,站在这个大房间。 |
| 0:21 | The room is filled with serious people, very proper, all eyes on me. | 房间里满是严肃的人 非常正派 所有人都盯着我 |
| 0:31 | And I'm wearing this heavy jacket. | 我穿着这件重外套 |
| 0:35 | It's hot. | 热甚. |
| 0:36 | My jacket feels like a sauna, but I cannot take it off. | 我的外套感觉像桑拿 但我不能脱 |
| 0:42 | Underneath it, something I don't want them to see. | 在下面,我不希望他们看到的东西。 |
| 0:50 | What will they think of me? | 他们会怎么看我? |
| 0:52 | I felt embarrassed. | 我觉得很尴尬 |
展开字幕全文（101 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Years ago, I was invited to speak at a huge conservative event, one of the most formal | 几年前,我被邀请在一个 巨大的保守活动, 最正式的活动之一 |
| 2 | rooms I've ever spoken in. | 房间,我曾经说过。 |
| 3 | Here I am, standing on this big room. | 我在这里,站在这个大房间。 |
| 4 | The room is filled with serious people, very proper, all eyes on me. | 房间里满是严肃的人 非常正派 所有人都盯着我 |
| 5 | And I'm wearing this heavy jacket. | 我穿着这件重外套 |
| 6 | It's hot. | 热甚. |
| 7 | My jacket feels like a sauna, but I cannot take it off. | 我的外套感觉像桑拿 但我不能脱 |
| 8 | Underneath it, something I don't want them to see. | 在下面,我不希望他们看到的东西。 |
| 9 | What will they think of me? | 他们会怎么看我? |
| 10 | I felt embarrassed. | 我觉得很尴尬 |
| 11 | Just say the truth, I told myself. | 说实话,我告诉自己。 |
| 12 | So I looked at the crowd and said, the day after I was released from the Israeli intelligence, | 于是我看着人群说 我从以色列情报部门释放的第二天 |
| 13 | My boyfriend, the one my mom didn't want near me, took me to get matching butterfly tattoos. | 我男朋友 我妈妈不想靠近我 带我去纹蝴蝶纹身 |
| 14 | One person smiled, then another laughed, and the whole room was laughing with me. | 一个人笑了,另一个人笑了,整个房间都在和我笑. |
| 15 | My butterfly and I were so relieved, and at the break, people came up to me showing me | 我和我的蝴蝶松了一口气, 在休息时,人们来找我给我看 |
| 16 | their hidden tattoos. | 他们隐藏的纹身。 |
| 17 | But sometimes things that are hidden are not so funny. | 但有时隐藏的东西并不好笑。 |
| 18 | Years later, I sat across the oncologist. | 几年后,我坐在肿瘤医生对面 |
| 19 | We needed to operate next week. | 我们下周需要手术 |
| 20 | The doctor's voice blurred. | 医生的声音模糊。 |
| 21 | We need to remove the cancer cells immediately. | 我们需要立即去除癌症细胞。 |
| 22 | I don't even remember how I got to my car. | 我甚至不记得我是怎么开车的 |
| 23 | I was numb. | 我当时麻木了 |
| 24 | I got in, holding the steering wheel. | 我进来了,拿着方向盘 |
| 25 | My hands were shaking. | 我的手在颤抖。 |
| 26 | Next week, my kids. | 下周,我的孩子们。 |
| 27 | What about my kids? | 我的孩子怎么办? |
| 28 | What if they're left alone? | 如果他们被抛弃怎么办? |
| 29 | I needed to hear someone's voice, so I called him, the man I was dating. | 我需要听到别人的声音, 所以我打电话给他,我约会的人。 |
| 30 | Choked, I told him, tears in my eyes. | 我告诉他,我眼中流泪 |
| 31 | Then, he asked me a question, a question I will never repeat, never, so dismissive, so | 然后,他问我一个问题,一个我永远不会重复的问题,从来没有,如此的无礼,所以 |
| 32 | cruel. | 残忍 |
| 33 | If the person you trust hurts you right when you need them, that is not love. | 如果你信任的人 伤害你的权利 当你需要他们, 这不是爱。 |
| 34 | That moment I knew something had to change. | 那一刻我知道有些事情必须改变 |
| 35 | I had months to recover in bed. | 我还有几个月要睡 |
| 36 | Not only my body hurt, but also my heart. | 不仅身体受伤,心也受伤. |
| 37 | I wanted to call my tribe. | 我想打电话给我的部落。 |
| 38 | You won't believe what he said. | 你不会相信他说的话的 |
| 39 | I wanted to call my brother, my sister, my best friend, my neighbor, everybody. | 我想打电话给我的兄弟,我的妹妹, 我最好的朋友,我的邻居,每个人。 |
| 40 | You won't believe what he did. | 你不会相信他的所作所为的 |
| 41 | They began, in just a heartbeat, he's such a jerk. | 他们开始,在一瞬间, 他是如此的混蛋。 |
| 42 | You deserve better. | 你应该得到更好的。 |
| 43 | And I, I'd feel that heat, the heat of dopamine, the rush of validation. | 我,我会感觉到热,多巴胺的热量, 以及快速验证。 |
| 44 | I call it the monkey talk. | 我称之为猴子说话。 |
| 45 | 己 He, he, he, he, he, he. | |
| 46 | But you know, I'm not the only one. | 但你知道,我不是唯一的一个。 |
| 47 | Shame, complain. | 羞耻,抱怨。 |
| 48 | My parents did it. | 我爸妈做的 |
| 49 | I see it in every comedy show, on social media. | 我在社交媒体上看到的每部喜剧节目 |
| 50 | We are constantly labeling toxic, narcissist, gaslighting. | 我们不断贴上有毒、自恋、毒气的标签。 |
| 51 | I see it in every time my clients coming to my office. | 每次我的客户来我办公室时 我都能看到 |
| 52 | I am breaking this cycle. | 我打破了这个循环。 |
| 53 | I'm going to find out what true connection actually looks like. | 我要找出真正的联系是什么样子 |
| 54 | And the first thing I did, I asked everyone who kept sending me those memes and real about | 第一件事,我问每个人 谁一直寄给我 这些迷因和真实的 |
| 55 | how men always disappoint and how women are too much to just stop. | 男人总是很失望 女人也太过分了 |
| 56 | I am done participating in this cycle. | 我不再参加这个周期。 |
| 57 | Do you know what happened? | 你知道发生了什么事吗? |
| 58 | Yep. | 对 |
| 59 | Instead of the drama, I start seeing the beauty in relationships. | 而不是戏剧,我开始看到 美丽的关系。 |
| 60 | And just like in magic, yeah. | 就像魔法一样 |
| 61 | The right man showed up in my life. | 右人出现在我的生命。 |
| 62 | One evening, while we were all dating, he went on a social event, solo. | 一天晚上,当我们都约会的时候, 他去参加一个社交活动,独奏。 |
| 63 | The next morning, I woke up to this text. | 第二天早上,我醒来看到这个短信。 |
| 64 | Hey, I couldn't stop talking about you last night. | 嘿,我无法停止谈论你昨晚。 |
| 65 | I was bragging about you. | 我在吹嘘你 |
| 66 | You are my person. | 你是我个人 |
| 67 | It's the gratitude. | 这是感激。 |
| 68 | It's the bragging. | 这是吹嘘。 |
| 69 | That's connection. | 这是连接。 |
| 70 | Your brain has a filter, reticular activation system, or RAS. | 你的大脑有一个过滤器, 静脉激活系统, 或者RAS。 |
| 71 | It decides what gets your attention. | 由它决定是什么让你注意到。 |
| 72 | It literally shows you more of what you focused on. | 它从字面上展示了更多你专注于什么。 |
| 73 | If you start focusing on what's working, what you actually like about them, your brain goes, | 如果你开始专注于什么是工作, 你真正喜欢什么, 你的大脑去, |
| 74 | hmm, do you want more of that? | 嗯,你想更多吗? |
| 75 | Cool. | 凉爽。 |
| 76 | I'll show you. | 我给你看 |
| 77 | UC Berkeley found gratitude helps couples feel connected even in hard times. | UC Berkeley找到了感激之情 即使在困难时期 也能帮助夫妻们感受到联系 |
| 78 | Not conflict resolution, not communication skills, appreciation. | 不解决冲突,不沟通技能,欣赏。 |
| 79 | Saying thank you actually keeps your relationship alive way more than saying, I love you. | 比起说我爱你 更能维持你的关系 |
| 80 | Now, this is the part that still blows my mind. | 现在,这个部分仍然让我心碎。 |
| 81 | I've written about it in every one of my books. | 我每书中都写过 |
| 82 | When someone hears you bragging about them, they rise into the version of themselves you | 当有人听到你吹嘘他们时, 他们就会变成你这样的人 |
| 83 | already believe in. | 已经相信了。 |
| 84 | Bragging says, I don't just love what you do. | 吹嘘说,我不只喜欢你做的事 |
| 85 | I love who you are. | 我爱你 |
| 86 | Now, here's how to do it. | 现在,这是怎么做的。 |
| 87 | Start with simple appreciation. | 从简单的欣赏开始 |
| 88 | Just be honest, like thank you for making me coffee. | 老实说 谢谢你给我煮咖啡 |
| 89 | Or, I love it when you remember to take out the trash. | 或者,我喜欢当你记得去 清除垃圾。 |
| 90 | Now, take it a notch up. | 现在,举起手来。 |
| 91 | Brag about them to other people. | 向其他人吹嘘 |
| 92 | She's so kind. | 她好亲切 |
| 93 | I feel lucky. | 我觉得很幸运 |
| 94 | I love when he remembers the little things. | 我喜欢他记得那些小事 |
| 95 | When disconnected couples practice appreciation and bragging, they shift from feeling apart | 当脱节的夫妇 练习欣赏和吹嘘, 他们从感觉分离 |
| 96 | to more connected than ever before. | 与前所未有的联系。 |
| 97 | This week, catch your partner doing something right. | 这周,抓住你的搭档 做正确的事情。 |
| 98 | Thank them. | 谢谢 |
| 99 | Then brag about them to someone else. | 然后向别人吹嘘 |
| 100 | Because how we speak about our partner with our words and intention creates deep connection. | 因为我们如何用我们的言语和意图谈论我们的伙伴,建立了深厚的联系。 |
| 101 | And that's how you multiply love. | 这就是你如何增加爱。 |
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