【商业思维】如何让别人立刻尊重你

共 2 集

剧集目录

P1 · 【商业思维】如何让别人立刻尊重你 p01 中英字幕 (P1)

【商业思维】如何让别人立刻尊重你 p01 中英字幕 (P1)

发布于 2026-09-24 · 时长 18:19

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:00	I spent years swallowing disrespect until I realized that I was literally	我花了多年时间 吞噬不敬 直到我意识到 我字面上
0:04	training people to walk all over me.	训练人们走遍我身边
0:06	现在我是Construction.com的首席执行官.
0:08	I helped thousands of business owners to grow because I stopped tolerating that	我帮助成千上万的业主成长 因为我不再容忍
0:12	bull****.	胡说八道
0:12	And I started commanding respect through actions.	我开始通过行动获得尊重
0:15	So if you're sick of being	所以如果你厌倦了
0:16	talked over, torn down, or treated like a joke, here are six tactics that will help	讨论,拆掉,或像笑话一样对待, 这里有六种战术可以帮助
0:21	teach people to respect you.	教人敬礼.
0:23	Number one is that respect starts with you.	第一是尊重从你开始。

展开字幕全文（574 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	I spent years swallowing disrespect until I realized that I was literally	我花了多年时间 吞噬不敬 直到我意识到 我字面上
2	training people to walk all over me.	训练人们走遍我身边
3	现在我是Construction.com的首席执行官.
4	I helped thousands of business owners to grow because I stopped tolerating that	我帮助成千上万的业主成长 因为我不再容忍
5	bull****.	胡说八道
6	And I started commanding respect through actions.	我开始通过行动获得尊重
7	So if you're sick of being	所以如果你厌倦了
8	talked over, torn down, or treated like a joke, here are six tactics that will help	讨论,拆掉,或像笑话一样对待, 这里有六种战术可以帮助
9	teach people to respect you.	教人敬礼.
10	Number one is that respect starts with you.	第一是尊重从你开始。
11	Let's start with the biggest lie that you've ever been told.	让我们从最大的谎言开始,你曾经被告知。
12	Respect is earned from others.	尊重从他人获得.
13	You don't earn respect.	你没有得到尊重。
14	You set the standard for it.	你为此设定了标准.
15	And most people set the bar way too low.	大多数人把酒吧设置得太低。
16	Self-respect is built.	自尊心是建立起来的。
17	It is not begged for.	它不是乞求的。
18	And chasing respect is actually the quickest way to	追求尊重其实是最快的方式
19	lose it.	输了
20	Every day, people walk into rooms begging, pleading, being desperate to be respected.	每天,人们走进房间乞讨,恳求,渴望得到尊重.
21	Okay, maybe it's a boss because they undervalue you.	好吧,也许这是一个老板 因为他们低估了你。
22	Maybe it's a partner that doesn't honor you	可能是搭档不尊重你
23	or they respect you.	或者他们尊重你
24	Or maybe it's a friend that just takes you for granted all the time.	或许是朋友一直把你当成理所当然的
25	But the truth is this.	但事实是这样的
26	You do not get respect by asking for it.	你没有得到尊重 通过要求它。
27	All these like tips and tricks	这些就像小费和技巧
28	teaching you how to get respect with like long stares and body language.	教你如何获得尊重 像长眼睛和身体语言。
29	They are stupid and	他们是愚蠢的,
30	they're not reality.	他们不是现实
31	The real foundation starts with the fact that you don't even respect yourself.	真正的基础始于你甚至不尊重自己的事实.
32	And so you get it by becoming the person who wouldn't tolerate that disrespect in the first	所以,你得到它的人 谁不会容忍这种不尊重 在第一
33	place.	地点。
34	Because if you tolerate it with yourself, then you'll tolerate it from other people.	因为如果你容忍它与你自己,那么你会容忍 从别人。
35	Respect isn't earned from other people.	尊重不从他人得.
36	It's actually maintained within ourselves.	它实际上维持在我们内部。
37	And then other people catch on to the respect that we already have with ourselves.	其他人会发现我们对自己已经很尊重了
38	So people	所以人们
39	respecting you is actually a lagging indicator of you respecting yourself.	尊重你实际上是一个落后的指标 你尊重自己。
40	Meaning the world	意味着世界
41	catches up, but you're the one who has to go first, right?	赶上,但你必须先走,对不对?
42	And so you have to respect yourself	所以你必须尊重自己
43	before anybody else is going to.	在别人开始之前
44	And the fastest way to lose respect is to beg for validation from	失去尊重的最快方法就是 请求验证
45	people who don't even respect themselves.	那些甚至不尊重自己的人。
46	I had a woman that came to me.	我有个女人来找我
47	It was about four years	大约四年了
48	ago and we had a meeting and I had 40% of my room was female executives, 60% was male executives.	以前我们开过会 我的房间40%是女性高管 60%是男性高管
49	And one of the female executives came to me and she said, oh, you know, Larry doesn't respect	有个女高管来找我 她说 拉里不尊重
50	me.	来啊
51	It's funny because the way that I actually saw the conversation go was that she has such	这很有趣,因为我看到 谈话的方式是,她有这样的
52	little respect for herself.	一点尊重自己。
53	She didn't advocate for herself in the room.	她没有在房间里为自己辩护.
54	She didn't speak like	她没有说话像
55	somebody who respected herself.	一个人谁尊重自己。
56	And she taught other people in the room how to talk to her because	她教别人怎么跟她说话 因为...
57	of the way she showed up.	她出现的方式。
58	She didn't have certainty.	她没有把握
59	She didn't advocate for herself and she allowed	她没有为自己辩护 她允许
60	people to speak over her.	人们会为她说话
61	So many times that we catch ourselves pointing to the other person.	如此多次,我们发现自己指向另一个人。
62	And it's so often in the workplace, especially with women, we're saying, well, that person doesn't	经常在工作场所,尤其是和女人在一起,我们说,那人不会
63	respect me.	请尊重我
64	It's like, well, have I actually learned how to respect myself?	就像,嗯,我是否真的学会了如何尊重自己?
65	Do I even know	我甚至知道吗?
66	what self-respect looks like?	自尊是什么样子?
67	And I asked her that question.	我问了她这个问题。
68	I said, do you know what it looks	我说,你知道它是什么样子
69	like to respect yourself?	喜欢尊重自己吗?
70	And she was like, I actually don't.	她喜欢,我其实没有。
71	I really don't.	我真的没有。
72	And it's a loop.	则圆通.
73	A lot of people get caught in.	很多人都被抓进去了
74	Someone disrespects you.	有人不尊重你,不尊重别人
75	It makes you feel small.	它让你觉得自己很小。
76	You know, you feel	你知道,你感觉
77	pissed off.	发火了
78	You feel frustrated.	你感到沮丧。
79	You feel angry.	你感到愤怒。
80	And then you think, I've got to prove everybody	然后你想,我必须证明每个人
81	wrong.	错
82	So what do you do?	那你怎么办?
83	You try harder to prove your worth.	你更努力地证明你的价值。
84	And then what happens?	然后会发生什么?
85	They might	他们可能
86	actually respect you less, not more.	实际上尊重你少,而不是更多。
87	And that's exactly what happened to her.	而这正是发生在她的身上。
88	She kept trying	她一直在尝试
89	to prove that she needed to be respected.	证明她需要得到尊重
90	I saw she would escalate in the room.	我看到她在房间里会升级
91	She would raise	她会抚养
92	her tone of voice.	她的声音。
93	She would do all these things that they weren't respectable.	她会做这些不值得尊重的事
94	They were actually	他们其实
95	rude.	粗鲁。
96	They were mean.	他们很坏。
97	They seemed like somebody would do those things if you were talking to an	他们似乎有人 会做那些事情 如果你说话一个
98	enemy, not somebody on your own team.	敌人,不是你自己的人
99	And then here's what happens when she realized that was	接下来是当她意识到
100	her behavior.	她的行为。
101	She lost more self-respect.	她失去了更多的自尊。
102	And that's what happens in that cycle.	这就是那个循环发生的情况。
103	Then you lose more	那你就输更多
104	self-respect because you're trying to appease another person rather than yourself.	因为你想要安抚别人而不是你自己
105	And then	礛
106	you repeat the cycle.	你重复循环。
107	I know what you're thinking, which is like, if I stop trying to earn other	我知道你在想什么,这就是说, 如果我停止尝试挣其他
108	people's respect, doesn't that make me look arrogant or selfish?	人们的尊敬 难道不让我看起来很傲慢还是自私吗?
109	But here's the thing.	但问题是
110	Respecting yourself doesn't make you selfish.	尊重自己不会让你自私
111	It makes you stable.	它让你稳定。
112	Because when you respect	因为当你尊重
113	yourself, your boundaries are clear, you have standards that are non-negotiable,	自己,你的界限是明确的, 你的标准是不可谈判的,
114	and people around you know where they stand.	周围的人都知道他们的立场
115	And ironically, it's like one of the kindest,	讽刺的是,它就像最善良的,
116	most generous things that you can do because nobody has to guess who they're dealing with.	你所能做的最慷慨的事 因为没人能猜到他们在对付谁
117	They understand what your standards are and how you treat yourself.	他们知道你的标准是什么 你如何对待自己。
118	And trying to earn	努力挣钱
119	respect by tolerating disrespect is like trying to get healthy by eating cake and	容忍不尊重就好像 吃蛋糕来保持健康
120	hoping your body's just not going to notice.	希望你的身体不会注意到
121	We want to break that cycle.	我们要打破这个循环。
122	And that takes us to our next point.	这需要我们谈下一点。
123	Number two, we measure people by what they cost you,	第二,我们用你付出的代价来衡量人
124	not what they say.	不是他们说的
125	Just because somebody talks up a big game doesn't mean that they should be in	只是因为有人在谈论一个大游戏 并不意味着他们应该加入
126	ネ
127	So here's a good decision-making filter.	这里有一个很好的决策过滤器。
128	If somebody makes it harder to behave like the	如果有人让事情变得更糟
129	person I respect being, they are too expensive to have in my life.	人员 我敬重的是,它们太贵了 在我的生活中。
130	Like no matter how charming,	无论多么迷人
131	how connected or how important they are.	关系如何或有多重要。
132	So here's the questions that you ask yourself to evaluate.	这就是你要求自己评估的问题。
133	Is that person worth your time and energy?	那个人值得你花费时间和精力吗?
134	One, do I like who I am when I'm around them?	一,我喜欢我身边的人吗?
135	Two,	二号
136	do they challenge me in ways that elevate me or in ways that confuse and derail me?	难道他们用提升我的方式来挑战我 还是用迷惑和破坏我的方式挑战我?
137	Most important, does my behavior with them, when I'm around them, move me closer or further from	最重要的是,我对他们的行为, 当我在他们周围, 移动我更接近或更远
138	my values?	我的价值?
139	A lot of people say, I know my boyfriend cheated on me, but he says, he is causing you to	很多人说,我知道我的男朋友欺骗了我, 但他说,他让你
140	lose respect for yourself by staying with him.	和他在一起会失去对自己的尊重
141	And it's not about him.	和他无关
142	It's about you.	这是关于你的。
143	It's not that	不是那样的
144	he inherently makes you disrespect yourself.	他让你天生不尊重自己
145	It's that you choosing to stay makes you disrespect	而是你选择留下来 让你不尊重
146	yourself.	你自己来
147	The same goes in the workplace.	工作场所的情况也是如此。
148	People ask me all the time, Leila, what do I do?	人们总是问我,莱拉,我该怎么办?
149	My boss,	我的上司,你来干什么?
150	I know they don't respect me.	我知道他们不尊重我
151	It feels toxic.	感觉有毒
152	It feels like they're constantly disrespecting me.	我觉得他们一直不尊重我
153	How do I manage them up?	我怎么应付他们?
154	You don't.	你没有。
155	You leave because you aren't going to change the other	你离开是因为你不会改变另一个
156	person.	个人。
157	You just have to change the situation by changing how you've responded to the same situation	你只需要改变你对同样情况的反应方式
158	over and over and over again.	一次又一次
159	Person's not going to change because of you.	人不会因为你而改变的
160	People barely can get	人很难得到
161	themselves to change.	自我改变
162	Think about yourself watching this video.	想想看这个视频吧
163	You're trying to figure out how to	你在想办法
164	respect yourself.	尊重自己 尊重自己 尊重自己
165	You think for some reason you're going to have more pull over somebody else's	你以为因为某种原因 你会有更多的拉过别人的
166	behavior than your own.	行为比你自己的。
167	That's just not the case.	事实并非如此。
168	And so you can't expect somebody's going to leave.	所以你不能指望有人会离开
169	You have to leave the situation.	你必须离开这种情况。
170	And I know that you're probably thinking, well, but this job,	我知道你可能在想 但这份工作
171	I can't get another job.	我找不到别的工作了
172	Or like, this is my business partner.	或者说 这是我的生意伙伴
173	Like, I have to make it work.	喜欢,我必须让它工作。
174	Or I've been married for this.	或者我为此结过婚
175	Like, I understand.	喜欢,我理解。
176	But at the same time, there's a quote that comes	但与此同时,还有一句引言
177	to mind every time I think of this, which is like, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing	每当我想起这个, 这就像,精神错乱的定义 正在做同样的事情
178	over and over and over again, expecting a different result.	一遍又一遍地等待着不同的结果。
179	The situation won't change unless you do.	情况不会改变,除非你这样做。
180	And you don't change by wanting.	而你不会因为渴望而改变
181	You don't change by wishing.	你没有改变的愿望。
182	And you don't change by feeling.	而你不会因为感觉而改变
183	You	你们
184	change by doing something different.	通过做不同的事情来改变
185	Someone saying or doing something disrespectful doesn't	有人说或做一些不尊重的事
186	inherently make them toxic.	让他们天生有毒
187	It's allowing the disrespect is that what makes it toxic is that	它允许的不尊重是 它有毒的是,
188	you allow yourself to remain in that situation.	让你自己继续这样下去
189	Someone can't disrespect you if you leave the	如果你离开,别人不能不尊重你
190	situation.	情况
191	And so allowing someone to continually disrespect us is when you give away your own power	所以让别人继续不尊重我们 就是当你放弃自己的力量
192	and then you lose respect for yourself in the process.	然后在这个过程中你失去了对自己的尊重。
193	Here's where things get interesting	这里的事情变得有趣
194	is that self-respect is a system, not a feeling.	自尊是一种制度,而不是一种感觉。
195	Okay.	摆
196	Most people think that self-respect is	大多数人认为自尊是
197	something that you earn, but the truth is self-respect is a daily set of behaviors.	你赚到的钱,但事实上 自尊是每天的行为
198	You don't feel self-respect.	你没有自尊心
199	You do self-respect.	你做自尊心。
200	So let's break down the behaviors that actually	所以,让我们打破 行为实际上
201	build self-respect.	建立自尊心。
202	Number one, keep your word to yourself.	一号,守口如瓶
203	I don't know how many times I have to	我不知道多少次我必须
204	say this.	说这个
205	Keep your word to yourself.	守口如瓶.
206	If you don't keep your word to yourself and you are pissed that	如果你不信守诺言,你就会生气
207	people disrespect you, then you have nothing to complain about.	人们不尊重你,那么你没什么可抱怨的。
208	You don't respect yourself.	汝不自敬爱.
209	Of	员额
210	course they don't respect you.	他们当然不尊重你
211	And you might say, oh, this person disrespected me by saying they were	你会说,哦,这个人不尊重我,说他们是
212	going to do something and then they did something else or whatever it might be.	打算做点什么 然后他们做了别的事 或可能是什么。
213	Okay.	摆
214	But if you	不过如果你
215	even keep your word to yourself, how can you be pissed that somebody else doesn't keep it to you?	哪怕你对自己说,你怎么能生气 别人不把它给你?
216	This happens all the time in relationships.	这在恋爱中经常发生
217	There's a saying that people say, which is	有句谚语说,人们说,这就是
218	it only takes one person to change a relationship.	只有一个人才能改变关系
219	And that goes for this as well, because if you	这同样也是 因为如果你
220	change, the other person has to change their behavior.	改变,另一个人必须改变他们的行为。
221	But a lot of people don't see that.	但很多人都看不出来
222	They just see, I need them to change for me to change or for me to feel better.	他们只是看到,我需要他们改变 我改变或让我感觉更好。
223	But we don't	但我们没有
224	have control over what other people do.	控制着别人的工作
225	We only have control over how we respond to ourselves and	我们只能控制我们如何应对自己
226	what we do.	我们做什么。
227	The second thing you need to do is you need to leave environments that make you behave	第二,你必须离开 环境让你的行为
228	out of alignment.	脱离对齐。
229	For example, when I was 18, I lived in a house with six people and I realized	比如,我18岁时, 住在一个有六个人的房子里,我意识到
230	that everything they did, smoking weed, drinking, partying, stealing, lying, cheating, it was all	他们所做的一切,抽大麻,喝酒,狂欢,偷窃,说谎,作弊,这一切
231	out of alignment with the person that I wanted to be.	与我想成为的人一致
232	And so I left.	于是我离开了
233	I didn't say, you guys need to	我没有说,你们需要
234	respect me by upholding these standards that I want you to have of your life because for some	尊重我,坚持这些要求 我要你拥有你的人生 因为有些人
235	reason that will make me feel better.	那会让我感觉好点
236	No, I just said, I'm leaving this situation.	不,我只是说, 我要离开这种情况。
237	They can do	他们可以
238	whatever they want to do.	随其所欲.
239	I'm going to live my life.	将命安身.
240	And so I left.	于是我离开了
241	Then I went and I lived in a house by myself because I said, it makes it harder for me to	然后我去了,我一个人住在一个房子 因为我说,这让我很难
242	respect myself when I'm surrounded by these people.	当我被这些人包围时 尊重自己
243	It's a question I ask myself a lot.	我问自己很多问题
244	Am I surrounding myself with people that make me lose respect for myself?	我和那些让我失去自尊的人在一起吗?
245	Because maybe I'm	因为也许我
246	tolerating stuff from them that I wouldn't tolerate from other people.	容忍他们的东西 我不会容忍别人。
247	Maybe I'm acting in a way when	或许我的行为方式 当
248	I'm around them that makes it harder for me to respect myself.	我在他们身边 让我更难尊重自己
249	Or maybe I feel that their	或许我感觉到他们
250	disrespect for themselves makes it hard for me to respect myself around them.	对自己不尊重让我很难在他们身边尊重自己.
251	A really big one is	一个真正的大是
252	drinking and doing drugs.	饮用和吸毒。
253	I still to this day get uneasy when I'm around somebody that drinks a lot	直到今天,我还是很不安 当我身边的人 喝了很多
254	because I feel they don't have respect for themselves.	因为我觉得他们不尊重自己
255	And I'm like, I just hold myself	而我喜欢,我只是抱着自己
256	to a higher standard of how much I respect my body, my mind, all these things.	我多么尊重我的身体,我的思想,所有这一切
257	It's really hard for	这真的很难
258	me to be around that now because I know what it was like.	因为我知道那是什么滋味
259	And so I don't sit there and try to preach	所以我不坐在那里 试图传教
260	to them.	给他们。
261	I'm not like, oh, you should stop drinking.	我不觉得,哦,你应该停止喝酒。
262	I'm just like, I just won't be hanging out with	我只是喜欢,我只是不会挂出
263	you.	你们
264	I'm not even going to tell them.	我甚至不会告诉他们。
265	I'm just not going to be there.	我只是不会在那里。
266	You don't need to make other	你不需要做别的
267	people feel bad for the fact they don't respect themselves.	人们不尊重自己 感到难过
268	You just need to respect yourself by	你只需要尊重自己 尊重自己
269	Now the third behavior is that you want to choose discomfort over self-abandonment.	现在的第三个行为是,你想选择不适而不是自弃.
270	Most people,	大多数人,
271	and this happens all the time, they would rather abandon themselves, their values, their principles,	他们宁愿放弃自己 放弃他们的价值观和原则
272	their sense of self, than be uncomfortable.	他们的自我感, 比不舒服。
273	Instead, we want to say this.	相反,我们要说这一点。
274	I will choose	我会选择
275	discomfort if it means keeping the respect I have for myself.	如果这意味着保持我对自己的尊重,那就不舒服了。
276	So I'll give you an example of when	所以,我会给你一个例子,什么时候
277	this happened to me in the workplace.	这种事发生在我工作的地方
278	So when I got a job at a gym when I was 21, I joined a gym	当我21岁在健身房工作的时候 我加入了健身房
279	and it was the one that I felt like I could make the most money, the fastest, which I had moved all	我感到自己能挣到的钱最多,最快,我搬走了
280	the way across the country.	横跨全国
281	I didn't have much money.	我没有多少钱。
282	So I was like, whatever, I'll just work here.	所以我想,不管怎样,我就在这里工作。
283	And when I was there, I remember it was like four days in and one of the managers, he was like,	当我在那里,我记得 它就像四天 和一个经理,他喜欢,
284	hey, you should go talk to those guys over there.	嘿,你该去跟那边的人谈谈
285	And it was like this group of older men.	就像这群年长的男人
286	And I	还有我
287	was like, why?	为什么?
288	And he was like, well, I think that those would be your ideal clients.	他就像,嗯,我认为 这些将是你的理想客户。
289	And I was like,	我当时想,
290	definitely not my ideal clients.	绝对不是我的理想客户。
291	My ideal clients are women in their twenties.	我的理想客户是20多岁的女性
292	Why?	为什么?
293	And he was like,	他说,
294	listen, I remember he looked me dead in the eye and he like grabbed me on my shoulder.	听着,我记得他看着我死的眼睛 他喜欢抓住我的肩膀。
295	He put his	他将他的
296	hand right there.	手在这里。
297	And he was like, pull down your shirt, pull up your shorts, go talk to them.	他就像,拉下你的衬衫,拉上你的短裤, 去和他们说话。
298	In the moment, I was like, I don't even know what's happening right now.	我当时想,我甚至不知道现在发生了什么
299	And I end up leaving later	我最后还是走了
300	that day.	那个日子
301	I said, oh, I have a stomach ache.	我说,哦,我肚子疼。
302	I've got to go.	我必须走了。
303	And I just called them after.	我刚刚打电话给他们之后。
304	And I	还有我
305	said, I'm not working here.	说,我不在这里工作。
306	I'm done.	我受够了
307	And they were like, why?	他们像,为什么?
308	And I was like, not for me.	而我喜欢, 不适合我。
309	I'd	我会
310	rather be uncomfortable knowing that I don't have the money, don't have all this.	知道我没有钱,就更不自在了,别这样
311	You know, now I'm	现在我
312	uncomfortable with the fact that like, I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet, but at least I	不舒服的是,像,我不知道 我如何去 使满足,但至少我
313	keep my dignity.	保持我的尊严
314	At least I'm keeping my values.	至少我保持了我的价值
315	Like, that's just not how I roll.	喜欢,我只是不这样滚。
316	And by the way,	顺便说一句
317	you roll that way, whatever, you do you.	你往那边滚,随便你,你做你。
318	But like, I just don't roll that way.	但我不会那样滚
319	And so I was like,	所以我就说,
320	I just got to exit the situation.	我只是要退出这个局面
321	And doing little things like that over time, that's how you build	并做一些小事情 随着时间的推移,你是如何构建
322	respect for yourself.	尊重你们自己
323	It's by keeping the promises, keeping the boundaries and deciding it's okay to	这是通过遵守承诺, 保持边界和决定它可以
324	be uncomfortable as long as I'm aligned with my values.	只要我符合我的价值观,就不舒服
325	The fourth behavior is speaking truthfully	第四行为是诚实的
326	without emotionally vomiting.	没有情绪呕吐。
327	This one's insidious.	这个很阴险
328	A lot of people lose respect for themselves	很多人会失去自尊
329	because of what they say to other people.	因为他们对别人说的话
330	And then they walk away thinking, I shouldn't have said	然后他们走了,想,我不应该说
331	that.	那个
332	I think I said too much.	我想我说了太多。
333	I'm not happy with how I showed up.	我对我的出现不满意
334	I don't know if I should have said	我不知道我该不该说
335	that.	那个
336	And that's because they speak out of impulse and emotion.	这是因为他们说话是出于冲动和情感。
337	This is when people speak from	这是当人们从
338	unmanaged discomfort, rather than speaking truthfully in alignment with the results they	没有管理起来的不适, 而不是诚实地说 符合他们的结果
339	want.	想要吗?
340	A question that I ask myself all the time is what do I want to have happen from this	我经常问自己一个问题,那就是我想从中得到什么
341	conversation?	谈话?
342	Like, what's the action I want this person to take?	我要这个人做什么?
343	What would I like them to do	我要他们做什么?
344	when we get done talking?	我们谈完之后?
345	I don't ask myself how would I like to feel.	亦不问自觉如何.
346	I ask myself what would I	我问自己会怎样
347	like them to do.	就像他们做的。
348	And I think that's a good example is if you're mad at your spouse because they	我认为这是一个很好的例子, 如果你生气 你的配偶,因为他们
349	didn't get you the gift you wanted on your birthday, you say, okay, well, why am I mad?	你生日时没拿到你想要的礼物 你说 好吧 我干嘛生气?
350	Because I'm uncomfortable with the fact that I think about them so much on their birthday that I	因为我很不自在地在生日时 想起他们
351	would never forget this, but they forgot it for me.	永远不会忘记这一点, 但他们忘了它给我。
352	And so I'm uncomfortable.	所以我觉得不舒服。
353	I don't feel good.	我感觉不太好
354	Well, what do I want to have happen?	那么,我想发生什么?
355	Well, I want them to think of me on my birthday.	我想让他们在我生日时想起我
356	Then do you	那你会吗?
357	think emotionally vomiting all over that person is going to result in them thinking about you on	认为在情感上呕吐 全身的人 会让他们想起你
358	your birthday?	你的生日吗?
359	Or do you think it's going to result in them liking you less because you made	或者你认为这会导致他们 更不喜欢你 因为你做了
360	them feel bad for something they didn't even know that was an expectation of themselves?	他们为一些他们甚至不知道的事感到难过 这是对自己的期望?
361	And so that's why you have to ask yourself these things.	所以你必须问自己这些事情
362	And people go around in the workplace,	人们在工作场所四处走动,
363	in their friendships, in their relationships, emotionally vomiting because it feels good in	在他们的友谊, 在他们的关系, 情绪呕吐,因为它感觉很好
364	the short term and it feels really bad in the long term because you don't build that self-respect.	短期内感觉很糟糕 因为你没有建立自尊心
365	And so if you think about it, self-respect is like fitness.	所以,如果你考虑一下,自尊就像健身。
366	You just do it one rep at a time.	你只做一个代表一次。
367	Every time you choose not to betray yourself and every time you betray yourself,	每次你选择不背叛自己 每当你背叛自己
368	you lose self-respect.	你失去了自尊心。
369	Every time you break a promise to yourself, you're showing the world	你每次违背诺言 都会让世界看到
370	how to treat you.	如何对待你。
371	And you show yourself how to treat you.	你展示自己如何对待你
372	It's just the thing,	事情就是这样的
373	people who really respect themselves, they just leave situations and people who don't respect them.	真正尊重自己的人, 他们只是离开情况 和不尊重他们的人。
374	They don't complain about it.	他们不会抱怨的
375	他们肯定不使用YouTube,Google搜索视频。
376	They just dip.	他们只是浸泡。
377	They ghost them and they leave.	鬼魂就离开
378	So self-respect is built in systems that make it	因此,自尊是建立在 系统使它
379	easy for us to keep promises to ourselves.	对我们来说,
380	The fourth tactic is that respect is taught	第四个策略是 尊重是被教导的
381	through consequences, not conversation.	通过后果,而不是对话。
382	Saying to somebody, you need to respect me is useless	对别人说,你要尊重我没用的
383	unless there is no consequence when they don't respect you.	除非他们不尊重你 没有后果
384	Nobody disrespects us without our	没有人不尊重我们 没有我们的
385	permission.	权限。
386	And so respect is taught by what you accept, not what you explain to people.	所以尊重是由你所接受的,而不是向人们解释的。
387	So let's go back to the cheating example.	因此,让我们回到作弊的例子。
388	My boyfriend cheated on me and I told him,	我男朋友骗了我 我告诉他
389	if you ever do this again, you have to respect me.	如果你再这样做, 你必须尊重我。
390	You can't treat me like this.	你不能这样对我
391	Words, just words.	词,只是词.
392	Words don't mean s***.	语不谓s***.
393	If you really wanted him to respect you, you would leave.	如果你真的希望他尊重你 你会离开的
394	And then maybe at	然后也许在
395	that point, you have a chance at salvaging the relationship because he has now learned	这一点,你有机会 挽救关系 因为他现在已经学会了
396	there's a consequence.	有个后果
397	If I cheat, she leaves versus before it was, if I cheat, she just says	如果我作弊,她离开之前,它是, 如果我作弊,她只是说
398	some s*** up to my face.	一些S***在我的脸上。
399	She talks at me.	她对我说话。
400	I get yelled at for a day.	我被骂一天。
401	The same goes for teammates.	队友也一样
402	If they disrespect you and all you do is say words, nothing changes.	如果他们不尊重你,你所做的就是说出话来,没有什么变化。
403	But if you say,	但如果你说
404	I'm taking this project away and you just take it away.	我要把这个项目带走 而你就把它拿走
405	If you demote somebody, if you suspend	如果你降级,如果你暂停
406	somebody, okay, now there's a consequence and that is likely not going to happen again.	某个人,好吧,现在有一个后果 很可能不会再发生
407	So here's the	所以这是
408	thing.	东西。
409	Nobody is going to respect you unless you demand it through action, not through talking.	没有人会尊重你 除非你通过行动而不是通过谈话来要求
410	There was a time when somebody said something to me.	曾经有人对我说了些什么
411	I remember this.	我记得这一点。
412	There was an employee	有个员工
413	and they made a joke about me in front of my team and I was in a meeting with them.	他们在我的团队面前笑话我 我在和他们会面
414	There was like probably six of us and I didn't say anything.	我们大概有六个人 我什么都没说
415	I just left.	我刚刚离开。
416	And me leaving,	而我离开
417	it taught me something, which was that there was nothing I could have said that would have been	它教会了我一些东西, 那就是,没有什么我可以说,这将是
418	more powerful than me leaving that room.	比我离开那个房间还强大
419	Not only did I get an apology, I got the most remorseful	我不仅得到一个道歉, 我得到了最悔恨
420	letter I've ever read.	我读过的信
421	I can't believe I offended you so badly, you left the room.	真不敢相信我冒犯了你 你离开了房间
422	And the thing was	事情是这样的
423	I didn't feel bad about myself for leaving the room.	我对自己离开房间并不感到难过.
424	I didn't regret it later because	我后来不后悔 因为
425	what would I have done otherwise?	不然我会怎么做?
426	Say something, emotionally vomit.	说点什么 情绪上呕吐
427	Then I'm doing something that	那我做点什么
428	feels out of alignment with my values because I don't like yelling at people in front of people.	因为我不喜欢当着人们的面大喊大叫
429	I don't like making people feel bad.	我不喜欢让人感到难过
430	I also don't like being made to feel bad.	我也不喜欢被逼坏
431	So I just left.	所以我就离开了
432	And	还有
433	that's why people will respect us through our actions, not our words.	这就是为什么人们会尊重我们 通过我们的行动,而不是我们的话。
434	Which brings me to point	这让我想到
435	five, which is mastering emotions is one of the highest forms of self-respect.	5,即掌握情感是自尊的最高形式之一.
436	People who are	这些人
437	really, really powerful, people who have true personal power, they don't yell at people.	真正,真正强大的, 拥有真正个人力量的人, 他们不骂人。
438	Emotional outbursts, they can feel satisfying, but they don't teach people anything.	情绪暴躁,他们可以感到满足,但他们不教人任何东西.
439	Calm,	冷静点
440	decisive action does.	决定性的行动确实如此。
441	And so mastering our own emotions is how we successfully create boundaries	所以掌握自己的情感 就是我们如何成功创造界限
442	without all the drama.	没有所有的戏剧。
443	You don't need to yell.	你没必要大喊大叫
444	You don't need to shout to explain yourself.	你不需要大声解释自己
445	You decide ahead of time what happens the next time somebody does something and then you follow	你提前决定 下次有人做点什么 然后你就跟着
446	through with it.	通过它。
447	When the thing happens, when they do this thing, when they say this thing,	当事情发生, 当他们这样做, 当他们说这件事情,
448	when they have this action, no yelling, no emotional vomiting, no explaining.	当他们有这个动作, 没有大喊大叫, 没有情绪呕吐, 没有解释。
449	You just	你刚刚
450	do the next thing.	做下一个事情。
451	That means that if somebody cheats on you and you're thinking to yourself,	这意味着如果有人欺骗你 而你在想自己
452	I will leave, you don't need to yell at them.	我会离开的,你不需要骂他们。
453	You just leave the next time your boss yells at you,	下次你老板骂你的时候 你就离开
454	say something demeaning to you.	说些贬低你的话
455	They talk about how you're not worth something.	他们说你不值钱
456	They do something	他们做一些事情
457	unethical.	不道德的,不道德的。
458	You just leave.	你离开吧
459	You don't say something.	你不说话。
460	This is not about your boss.	这不是关于你的老板。
461	This is about you.	这是关于你的。
462	It's about you respecting yourself enough to walk away from the situation and not need to	这是关于你尊重自己 足以摆脱困境 而不需要
463	emotionally vomit on somebody.	情绪上呕吐的人。
464	Cause that again is going to make you respect yourself less.	因为那又会让你更不尊重自己
465	So what does handling your emotions look like in practice?	那么,什么是处理你的情绪 看起来像在实践中?
466	We do not fight.	我们不战斗。
467	We don't argue.	我们不争吵。
468	We	我们
469	don't yell.	别叫了
470	We don't call people names that are derogatory.	我们不叫人 贬义。
471	Instead, we choose silence and action	我们选择沉默和行动
472	over conflict.	冲突。
473	We use our actions, not our words.	我们用我们的行动,而不是我们的话。
474	It's funny how we're taught that when we're young.	我们年轻时怎么学的
475	Use your words.	用你的话。
476	Like, no, use your actions.	不,用你的动作
477	We distance ourselves rather than trying to prove	我们远离自己 而不是试图证明
478	a point to somebody.	对某人来说是一点
479	And then we calmly exit situations instead of emotionally exhausting	然后我们平静地离开 而不是在情感上疲惫
480	ourselves in front of people.	自己在人们面前。
481	And I know it feels like you have to confront everybody every time	我知道每次你都要面对所有人
482	they wrong you, but you leaving and enacting a consequence says more than any word could ever	他们误会了你,但你离开 并发布一个后果 说得比任何字都多
483	say to somebody.	告诉别人。
484	And so anytime you create drama, think about it.	所以只要你创造戏剧,就考虑一下。
485	You end up respecting yourself	你最终会尊重自己
486	less.	少一点
487	So you have to learn to master your emotions, stay calm and use your actions.	所以,你必须学会掌握你的情绪, 保持冷静和运用你的行为。
488	The sixth tactic is that high respect people never argue to be respected.	第六种策略是高度尊重人们从不主张受到尊重.
489	They just leave.	他们刚离开。
490	So you'll never see a confident person begging to be valued.	所以你永远不会看到一个自信的人乞求被重视.
491	They've already decided their worth	他们已经决定了自己的价值
492	before they walked in the door.	在他们走进门前
493	An example of this is like when I was in college, I had a boyfriend	举个例子 就像我在大学的时候 我有一个男朋友
494	that I was with for a year and a half.	我和他在一起已经一年半了
495	I found out he cheated on me and he told me.	我发现他骗了我,他告诉我。
496	And I remember	我记得
497	I was sitting there and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, okay, well, I guess we can't	我坐在那里,第一件事 从我的嘴是,好吧,嗯,我想我们不能
498	be together.	在一起的时候
499	And I remember he was like, first shocked that I wasn't yelling, secondly shocked,	我记得他像,第一,震惊 我并没有大喊大叫,第二,震惊,
500	like, oh, wait, what?	喜欢,哦,等等,什么?
501	He was like, he was like, he could not compute.	他像,他像, 他不能计算。
502	I'm sure that guy had never	我敢肯定,那家伙从来没有
503	had a girl not scream and rip his head off when he had cheated because he definitely done it before.	有个女孩没有尖叫 和撕掉他的头 当他作弊 因为他绝对以前这样做。
504	And I was just like, yeah, well, then we can't be together.	我当时想,是的,那么,我们不能在一起。
505	And I remember I made a choice	我记得我做了个选择
506	consciously in that moment.	有意识地在那一刻。
507	I was like, I want to respect the woman I am and how I handle the	我想尊重我这个女人 以及我如何处理
508	situation because guess what?	你猜怎么着?
509	I had already decided if anyone ever cheated on me, I would	我已经决定了 如果有人背叛我,我会
510	walk away in silence.	默然走开.
511	I'm not going to yell.	我不会喊的
512	I'm not going to scream.	我不会尖叫的。
513	I'm just going to be done.	我就要结束了
514	And why is that?	为什么?
515	Because it's not about them.	因为这跟他们无关
516	It's not about how they feel in the situation.	这跟他们在这种情况下的感受无关
517	It's not about if they know they disrespected me.	这不是如果他们知道 他们不尊重我。
518	It's because I wouldn't respect myself	因为我不尊重自己
519	if I turned into the girl who screamed, who cried, who begged.	如果我变成一个尖叫,哭泣,乞求的女孩。
520	I don't want to be that person.	我不想成为那个人。
521	I	一、导 言
522	don't want to carry that with me.	不想带着它一起走
523	I don't want to wake up the next morning and think about that.	我不想第二天早上醒来想这个
524	So I said, we can be friends if anything.	所以我说 我们可以做朋友
525	He was a nice guy.	他是个好人。
526	I liked him.	我喜欢他
527	He made a mistake,	他犯了一个错误,
528	but I was like, I've already decided I'm done.	但我想,我已经决定 我结束了。
529	We're not going to be together in a situation.	我们不会在一起 在一个情况。
530	I know a lot of people think, well, shouldn't I try and talk it out?	我知道很多人会想,嗯,我不该试着说出来吗?
531	Am I just giving up?	我只是放弃吗?
532	And it's like, why do we talk?	我们为什么要谈?
533	Why do we talk to people?	我们为什么要和别人说话?
534	We talk to people because we want to	我们和别人聊天,因为我们想
535	change something about what they do.	改变他们的行为
536	So my favorite thing that my husband and I do is that when we	我和我丈夫最喜欢的就是 当我们
537	have tension, when we have anything we disagree on, we just say, what would you like me to do	紧张,当我们有什么意见 我们只是说,你想让我做什么
538	differently?	不一样?
539	Because we have all this drama in relationships.	因为我们有 这一切戏剧性的关系。
540	People stay up until three.	人待三时.
541	I've	我见过
542	it's very short to the point.	说到底很短
543	Like we get it.	就像我们得到它。
544	We have this down.	我们有这个下来。
545	What do you want me to do	你想让我怎么做?
546	differently?	不一样?
547	I don't need you to yell at me.	我不需要你对我大吼大叫
548	I just want to know what behavior would you like	我只是想知道你喜欢什么行为
549	me to change.	我改变。
550	And then I can decide if I'm willing to do that or not.	然后,我可以决定 我是否愿意这样做。
551	And if I'm not,	如果我没有
552	we'll just come up with a different way of doing this.	我们会想出一个不同的方式做到这一点。
553	And the second piece is that like leaving	第二块是像离开
554	doesn't mean that you give up.	这并不意味着你放弃。
555	It means that you grew up.	这意味着你长大了。
556	You recognize that some conversations	你认识一些对话
557	don't need to be had.	没必要有。
558	Not every conversation needs to be had.	不是每一次谈话都要有
559	It really doesn't.	它真的没有。
560	And if they	如果他们
561	didn't change after the first time that this situation occurred, then they're probably not	第一次发生这种情况后没有改变, 那么他们可能不是
562	change after the fifth or the sixth.	第五或第六节之后的更改。
563	And so walking away from a situation is not quitting.	因此,离开一个情况是不会放弃的。
564	It's choosing to respect yourself more than the situation.	它选择尊重自己 比情况。
565	And that is why respect doesn't start	所以才没有开始尊重
566	with other people.	和别人
567	It starts with you, with how you behave, with how you show up.	它从你开始, 从你的行为, 你如何出现。
568	And it's what	这是什么
569	you tolerate.	你宽容。
570	And the version of you that you're trying to be can't survive in an environment where	你试图生存的版本 在一个环境中
571	you're constantly disrespected by yourself.	你总是不尊重自己
572	If this video helped you, and if this resonated with	如果这段视频能帮助你 如果这回响
573	what you're struggling with right now, you can go ahead and check out my video on how to become	你现在在挣扎什么, 你可以去去看看我的视频 如何成为
574	dangerously competent, dangerously competent, dangerously competent, dangerously competent,	危险能力 危险能力 危险能力

该视频共有字幕 577 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格

P2 · 【商业思维】如何让别人立刻尊重你 p02 英文字幕 (P2)

【商业思维】如何让别人立刻尊重你 p02 英文字幕 (P2)

发布于 2026-09-24 · 时长 18:19

字幕摘录

时间	英文	中文
0:00	I spent years swallowing disrespect until I realized that I was literally	我花了多年时间 吞噬不敬 直到我意识到 我字面上
0:04	training people to walk all over me.	训练人们走遍我身边
0:06	现在我是Construction.com的首席执行官.
0:08	I helped thousands of business owners to grow because I stopped tolerating that	我帮助成千上万的业主成长 因为我不再容忍
0:12	bull****.	胡说八道
0:12	And I started commanding respect through actions.	我开始通过行动获得尊重
0:15	So if you're sick of being	所以如果你厌倦了
0:16	talked over, torn down, or treated like a joke, here are six tactics that will help	讨论,拆掉,或像笑话一样对待, 这里有六种战术可以帮助
0:21	teach people to respect you.	教人敬礼.
0:23	Number one is that respect starts with you.	第一是尊重从你开始。

展开字幕全文（589 条）

序号	英文	中文
1	I spent years swallowing disrespect until I realized that I was literally	我花了多年时间 吞噬不敬 直到我意识到 我字面上
2	training people to walk all over me.	训练人们走遍我身边
3	现在我是Construction.com的首席执行官.
4	I helped thousands of business owners to grow because I stopped tolerating that	我帮助成千上万的业主成长 因为我不再容忍
5	bull****.	胡说八道
6	And I started commanding respect through actions.	我开始通过行动获得尊重
7	So if you're sick of being	所以如果你厌倦了
8	talked over, torn down, or treated like a joke, here are six tactics that will help	讨论,拆掉,或像笑话一样对待, 这里有六种战术可以帮助
9	teach people to respect you.	教人敬礼.
10	Number one is that respect starts with you.	第一是尊重从你开始。
11	Let's start with the biggest lie that you've ever been told.	让我们从最大的谎言开始,你曾经被告知。
12	Respect is earned from others.	尊重从他人获得.
13	You don't earn respect.	你没有得到尊重。
14	You set the standard for it.	你为此设定了标准.
15	And most people set the bar way too low.	大多数人把酒吧设置得太低。
16	Self-respect is built.	自尊心是建立起来的。
17	It is not begged for.	它不是乞求的。
18	And chasing respect is actually the quickest way to	追求尊重其实是最快的方式
19	lose it.	输了
20	Every day, people walk into rooms begging, pleading, being desperate to be respected.	每天,人们走进房间乞讨,恳求,渴望得到尊重.
21	Okay, maybe it's a boss because they undervalue you.	好吧,也许这是一个老板 因为他们低估了你。
22	Maybe it's a partner that doesn't honor you	可能是搭档不尊重你
23	or they respect you.	或者他们尊重你
24	Or maybe it's a friend that just takes you for granted all the time.	或许是朋友一直把你当成理所当然的
25	But the truth is this.	但事实是这样的
26	You do not get respect by asking for it.	你没有得到尊重 通过要求它。
27	All these like tips and tricks	这些就像小费和技巧
28	teaching you how to get respect with like long stares and body language.	教你如何获得尊重 像长眼睛和身体语言。
29	They are stupid and	他们是愚蠢的,
30	they're not reality.	他们不是现实
31	The real foundation starts with the fact that you don't even respect yourself.	真正的基础始于你甚至不尊重自己的事实.
32	And so you get it by becoming the person who wouldn't tolerate that disrespect in the first	所以,你得到它的人 谁不会容忍这种不尊重 在第一
33	place.	地点。
34	Because if you tolerate it with yourself, then you'll tolerate it from other people.	因为如果你容忍它与你自己,那么你会容忍 从别人。
35	Respect isn't earned from other people.	尊重不从他人得.
36	It's actually maintained within ourselves.	它实际上维持在我们内部。
37	And then other people catch on to the respect that we already have with ourselves.	其他人会发现我们对自己已经很尊重了
38	So people	所以人们
39	respecting you is actually a lagging indicator of you respecting yourself.	尊重你实际上是一个落后的指标 你尊重自己。
40	Meaning the world	意味着世界
41	catches up, but you're the one who has to go first, right?	赶上,但你必须先走,对不对?
42	And so you have to respect yourself	所以你必须尊重自己
43	before anybody else is going to.	在别人开始之前
44	And the fastest way to lose respect is to beg for validation from	失去尊重的最快方法就是 请求验证
45	people who don't even respect themselves.	那些甚至不尊重自己的人。
46	I had a woman that came to me.	我有个女人来找我
47	It was about four years	大约四年了
48	ago and we had a meeting and I had 40% of my room was female executives, 60% was male executives.	以前我们开过会 我的房间40%是女性高管 60%是男性高管
49	And one of the female executives came to me and she said, oh, you know, Larry doesn't respect	有个女高管来找我 她说 拉里不尊重
50	me.	来啊
51	It's funny because the way that I actually saw the conversation go was that she has such	这很有趣,因为我看到 谈话的方式是,她有这样的
52	little respect for herself.	一点尊重自己。
53	She didn't advocate for herself in the room.	她没有在房间里为自己辩护.
54	She didn't speak like	她没有说话像
55	somebody who respected herself.	一个人谁尊重自己。
56	And she taught other people in the room how to talk to her because	她教别人怎么跟她说话 因为...
57	of the way she showed up.	她出现的方式。
58	She didn't have certainty.	她没有把握
59	She didn't advocate for herself and she allowed	她没有为自己辩护 她允许
60	people to speak over her.	人们会为她说话
61	So many times that we catch ourselves pointing to the other person.	如此多次,我们发现自己指向另一个人。
62	And it's so often in the workplace, especially with women, we're saying, well, that person doesn't	经常在工作场所,尤其是和女人在一起,我们说,那人不会
63	respect me.	请尊重我
64	It's like, well, have I actually learned how to respect myself?	就像,嗯,我是否真的学会了如何尊重自己?
65	Do I even know	我甚至知道吗?
66	what self-respect looks like?	自尊是什么样子?
67	And I asked her that question.	我问了她这个问题。
68	I said, do you know what it looks	我说,你知道它是什么样子
69	like to respect yourself?	喜欢尊重自己吗?
70	And she was like, I actually don't.	她喜欢,我其实没有。
71	I really don't.	我真的没有。
72	And it's a loop.	则圆通.
73	A lot of people get caught in.	很多人都被抓进去了
74	Someone disrespects you.	有人不尊重你,不尊重别人
75	It makes you feel small.	它让你觉得自己很小。
76	You know, you feel	你知道,你感觉
77	pissed off.	发火了
78	You feel frustrated.	你感到沮丧。
79	You feel angry.	你感到愤怒。
80	And then you think, I've got to prove everybody	然后你想,我必须证明每个人
81	wrong.	错
82	So what do you do?	那你怎么办?
83	You try harder to prove your worth.	你更努力地证明你的价值。
84	And then what happens?	然后会发生什么?
85	They might	他们可能
86	actually respect you less, not more.	实际上尊重你少,而不是更多。
87	And that's exactly what happened to her.	而这正是发生在她的身上。
88	She kept trying	她一直在尝试
89	to prove that she needed to be respected.	证明她需要得到尊重
90	I saw she would escalate in the room.	我看到她在房间里会升级
91	She would raise	她会抚养
92	her tone of voice.	她的声音。
93	She would do all these things that they weren't respectable.	她会做这些不值得尊重的事
94	They were actually	他们其实
95	rude.	粗鲁。
96	They were mean.	他们很坏。
97	They seemed like somebody would do those things if you were talking to an	他们似乎有人 会做那些事情 如果你说话一个
98	enemy, not somebody on your own team.	敌人,不是你自己的人
99	And then here's what happens when she realized that was	接下来是当她意识到
100	her behavior.	她的行为。
101	She lost more self-respect.	她失去了更多的自尊。
102	And that's what happens in that cycle.	这就是那个循环发生的情况。
103	Then you lose more	那你就输更多
104	self-respect because you're trying to appease another person rather than yourself.	因为你想要安抚别人而不是你自己
105	And then	礛
106	you repeat the cycle.	你重复循环。
107	I know what you're thinking, which is like, if I stop trying to earn other	我知道你在想什么,这就是说, 如果我停止尝试挣其他
108	people's respect, doesn't that make me look arrogant or selfish?	人们的尊敬 难道不让我看起来很傲慢还是自私吗?
109	But here's the thing.	但问题是
110	Respecting yourself doesn't make you selfish.	尊重自己不会让你自私
111	It makes you stable.	它让你稳定。
112	Because when you respect	因为当你尊重
113	yourself, your boundaries are clear, you have standards that are non-negotiable,	自己,你的界限是明确的, 你的标准是不可谈判的,
114	and people around you know where they stand.	周围的人都知道他们的立场
115	And ironically, it's like one of the kindest,	讽刺的是,它就像最善良的,
116	most generous things that you can do because nobody has to guess who they're dealing with.	你所能做的最慷慨的事 因为没人能猜到他们在对付谁
117	They understand what your standards are and how you treat yourself.	他们知道你的标准是什么 你如何对待自己。
118	And trying to earn	努力挣钱
119	respect by tolerating disrespect is like trying to get healthy by eating cake and	容忍不尊重就好像 吃蛋糕来保持健康
120	hoping your body's just not going to notice.	希望你的身体不会注意到
121	We want to break that cycle.	我们要打破这个循环。
122	And that takes us to our next point.	这需要我们谈下一点。
123	Number two, we measure people by what they cost you,	第二,我们用你付出的代价来衡量人
124	not what they say.	不是他们说的
125	Just because somebody talks up a big game doesn't mean that they should be in	只是因为有人在谈论一个大游戏 并不意味着他们应该加入
126	ネ
127	So here's a good decision-making filter.	这里有一个很好的决策过滤器。
128	If somebody makes it harder to behave like the	如果有人让事情变得更糟
129	person I respect being, they are too expensive to have in my life.	人员 我敬重的是,它们太贵了 在我的生活中。
130	Like no matter how charming,	无论多么迷人
131	how connected or how important they are.	关系如何或有多重要。
132	So here's the questions that you ask yourself to evaluate.	这就是你要求自己评估的问题。
133	Is that person worth your time and energy?	那个人值得你花费时间和精力吗?
134	One, do I like who I am when I'm around them?	一,我喜欢我身边的人吗?
135	Two,	二号
136	do they challenge me in ways that elevate me or in ways that confuse and derail me?	难道他们用提升我的方式来挑战我 还是用迷惑和破坏我的方式挑战我?
137	Most important, does my behavior with them, when I'm around them, move me closer or further from	最重要的是,我对他们的行为, 当我在他们周围, 移动我更接近或更远
138	my values?	我的价值?
139	A lot of people say, I know my boyfriend cheated on me, but he says, he is causing you to	很多人说,我知道我的男朋友欺骗了我, 但他说,他让你
140	lose respect for yourself by staying with him.	和他在一起会失去对自己的尊重
141	And it's not about him.	和他无关
142	It's about you.	这是关于你的。
143	It's not that	不是那样的
144	he inherently makes you disrespect yourself.	他让你天生不尊重自己
145	It's that you choosing to stay makes you disrespect	而是你选择留下来 让你不尊重
146	yourself.	你自己来
147	The same goes in the workplace.	工作场所的情况也是如此。
148	People ask me all the time, Leila, what do I do?	人们总是问我,莱拉,我该怎么办?
149	My boss,	我的上司,你来干什么?
150	I know they don't respect me.	我知道他们不尊重我
151	It feels toxic.	感觉有毒
152	It feels like they're constantly disrespecting me.	我觉得他们一直不尊重我
153	How do I manage them up?	我怎么应付他们?
154	You don't.	你没有。
155	You leave because you aren't going to change the other	你离开是因为你不会改变另一个
156	person.	个人。
157	You just have to change the situation by changing how you've responded to the same situation	你只需要改变你对同样情况的反应方式
158	over and over and over again.	一次又一次
159	Person's not going to change because of you.	人不会因为你而改变的
160	People barely can get	人很难得到
161	themselves to change.	自我改变
162	Think about yourself watching this video.	想想看这个视频吧
163	You're trying to figure out how to	你在想办法
164	respect yourself.	尊重自己 尊重自己 尊重自己
165	You think for some reason you're going to have more pull over somebody else's	你以为因为某种原因 你会有更多的拉过别人的
166	behavior than your own.	行为比你自己的。
167	That's just not the case.	事实并非如此。
168	And so you can't expect somebody's going to leave.	所以你不能指望有人会离开
169	You have to leave the situation.	你必须离开这种情况。
170	And I know that you're probably thinking, well, but this job,	我知道你可能在想 但这份工作
171	I can't get another job.	我找不到别的工作了
172	Or like, this is my business partner.	或者说 这是我的生意伙伴
173	Like, I have to make it work.	喜欢,我必须让它工作。
174	Or I've been married for this.	或者我为此结过婚
175	Like, I understand.	喜欢,我理解。
176	But at the same time, there's a quote that comes	但与此同时,还有一句引言
177	to mind every time I think of this, which is like, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing	每当我想起这个, 这就像,精神错乱的定义 正在做同样的事情
178	over and over and over again, expecting a different result.	一遍又一遍地等待着不同的结果。
179	The situation won't change unless you do.	情况不会改变,除非你这样做。
180	And you don't change by wanting.	而你不会因为渴望而改变
181	You don't change by wishing.	你没有改变的愿望。
182	And you don't change by feeling.	而你不会因为感觉而改变
183	You	你们
184	change by doing something different.	通过做不同的事情来改变
185	Someone saying or doing something disrespectful doesn't	有人说或做一些不尊重的事
186	inherently make them toxic.	让他们天生有毒
187	It's allowing the disrespect is that what makes it toxic is that	它允许的不尊重是 它有毒的是,
188	you allow yourself to remain in that situation.	让你自己继续这样下去
189	Someone can't disrespect you if you leave the	如果你离开,别人不能不尊重你
190	situation.	情况
191	And so allowing someone to continually disrespect us is when you give away your own power	所以让别人继续不尊重我们 就是当你放弃自己的力量
192	and then you lose respect for yourself in the process.	然后在这个过程中你失去了对自己的尊重。
193	Here's where things get interesting	这里的事情变得有趣
194	is that self-respect is a system, not a feeling.	自尊是一种制度,而不是一种感觉。
195	Okay.	摆
196	Most people think that self-respect is	大多数人认为自尊是
197	something that you earn, but the truth is self-respect is a daily set of behaviors.	你赚到的钱,但事实上 自尊是每天的行为
198	You don't feel self-respect.	你没有自尊心
199	You do self-respect.	你做自尊心。
200	So let's break down the behaviors that actually	所以,让我们打破 行为实际上
201	build self-respect.	建立自尊心。
202	Number one, keep your word to yourself.	一号,守口如瓶
203	I don't know how many times I have to	我不知道多少次我必须
204	say this.	说这个
205	Keep your word to yourself.	守口如瓶.
206	If you don't keep your word to yourself and you are pissed that	如果你不信守诺言,你就会生气
207	people disrespect you, then you have nothing to complain about.	人们不尊重你,那么你没什么可抱怨的。
208	You don't respect yourself.	汝不自敬爱.
209	Of	员额
210	course they don't respect you.	他们当然不尊重你
211	And you might say, oh, this person disrespected me by saying they were	你会说,哦,这个人不尊重我,说他们是
212	going to do something and then they did something else or whatever it might be.	打算做点什么 然后他们做了别的事 或可能是什么。
213	Okay.	摆
214	But if you	不过如果你
215	even keep your word to yourself, how can you be pissed that somebody else doesn't keep it to you?	哪怕你对自己说,你怎么能生气 别人不把它给你?
216	This happens all the time in relationships.	这在恋爱中经常发生
217	There's a saying that people say, which is	有句谚语说,人们说,这就是
218	it only takes one person to change a relationship.	只有一个人才能改变关系
219	And that goes for this as well, because if you	这同样也是 因为如果你
220	change, the other person has to change their behavior.	改变,另一个人必须改变他们的行为。
221	But a lot of people don't see that.	但很多人都看不出来
222	They just see, I need them to change for me to change or for me to feel better.	他们只是看到,我需要他们改变 我改变或让我感觉更好。
223	But we don't	但我们没有
224	have control over what other people do.	控制着别人的工作
225	We only have control over how we respond to ourselves and	我们只能控制我们如何应对自己
226	what we do.	我们做什么。
227	The second thing you need to do is you need to leave environments that make you behave	第二,你必须离开 环境让你的行为
228	out of alignment.	脱离对齐。
229	For example, when I was 18, I lived in a house with six people and I realized	比如,我18岁时, 住在一个有六个人的房子里,我意识到
230	that everything they did, smoking weed, drinking, partying, stealing, lying, cheating, it was all	他们所做的一切,抽大麻,喝酒,狂欢,偷窃,说谎,作弊,这一切
231	out of alignment with the person that I wanted to be.	与我想成为的人一致
232	And so I left.	于是我离开了
233	I didn't say, you guys need to	我没有说,你们需要
234	respect me by upholding these standards that I want you to have of your life because for some	尊重我,坚持这些要求 我要你拥有你的人生 因为有些人
235	reason that will make me feel better.	那会让我感觉好点
236	No, I just said, I'm leaving this situation.	不,我只是说, 我要离开这种情况。
237	They can do	他们可以
238	whatever they want to do.	随其所欲.
239	I'm going to live my life.	将命安身.
240	And so I left.	于是我离开了
241	Then I went and I lived in a house by myself because I said, it makes it harder for me to	然后我去了,我一个人住在一个房子 因为我说,这让我很难
242	respect myself when I'm surrounded by these people.	当我被这些人包围时 尊重自己
243	It's a question I ask myself a lot.	我问自己很多问题
244	Am I surrounding myself with people that make me lose respect for myself?	我和那些让我失去自尊的人在一起吗?
245	Because maybe I'm	因为也许我
246	tolerating stuff from them that I wouldn't tolerate from other people.	容忍他们的东西 我不会容忍别人。
247	Maybe I'm acting in a way when	或许我的行为方式 当
248	I'm around them that makes it harder for me to respect myself.	我在他们身边 让我更难尊重自己
249	Or maybe I feel that their	或许我感觉到他们
250	disrespect for themselves makes it hard for me to respect myself around them.	对自己不尊重让我很难在他们身边尊重自己.
251	A really big one is	一个真正的大是
252	drinking and doing drugs.	饮用和吸毒。
253	I still to this day get uneasy when I'm around somebody that drinks a lot	直到今天,我还是很不安 当我身边的人 喝了很多
254	because I feel they don't have respect for themselves.	因为我觉得他们不尊重自己
255	And I'm like, I just hold myself	而我喜欢,我只是抱着自己
256	to a higher standard of how much I respect my body, my mind, all these things.	我多么尊重我的身体,我的思想,所有这一切
257	It's really hard for	这真的很难
258	me to be around that now because I know what it was like.	因为我知道那是什么滋味
259	And so I don't sit there and try to preach	所以我不坐在那里 试图传教
260	to them.	给他们。
261	I'm not like, oh, you should stop drinking.	我不觉得,哦,你应该停止喝酒。
262	I'm just like, I just won't be hanging out with	我只是喜欢,我只是不会挂出
263	you.	你们
264	I'm not even going to tell them.	我甚至不会告诉他们。
265	I'm just not going to be there.	我只是不会在那里。
266	You don't need to make other	你不需要做别的
267	people feel bad for the fact they don't respect themselves.	人们不尊重自己 感到难过
268	You just need to respect yourself by	你只需要尊重自己 尊重自己
269	Now the third behavior is that you want to choose discomfort over self-abandonment.	现在的第三个行为是,你想选择不适而不是自弃.
270	Most people,	大多数人,
271	and this happens all the time, they would rather abandon themselves, their values, their principles,	他们宁愿放弃自己 放弃他们的价值观和原则
272	their sense of self, than be uncomfortable.	他们的自我感, 比不舒服。
273	Instead, we want to say this.	相反,我们要说这一点。
274	I will choose	我会选择
275	discomfort if it means keeping the respect I have for myself.	如果这意味着保持我对自己的尊重,那就不舒服了。
276	So I'll give you an example of when	所以,我会给你一个例子,什么时候
277	this happened to me in the workplace.	这种事发生在我工作的地方
278	So when I got a job at a gym when I was 21, I joined a gym	当我21岁在健身房工作的时候 我加入了健身房
279	and it was the one that I felt like I could make the most money, the fastest, which I had moved all	我感到自己能挣到的钱最多,最快,我搬走了
280	the way across the country.	横跨全国
281	I didn't have much money.	我没有多少钱。
282	So I was like, whatever, I'll just work here.	所以我想,不管怎样,我就在这里工作。
283	And when I was there, I remember it was like four days in and one of the managers, he was like,	当我在那里,我记得 它就像四天 和一个经理,他喜欢,
284	hey, you should go talk to those guys over there.	嘿,你该去跟那边的人谈谈
285	And it was like this group of older men.	就像这群年长的男人
286	And I	还有我
287	was like, why?	为什么?
288	And he was like, well, I think that those would be your ideal clients.	他就像,嗯,我认为 这些将是你的理想客户。
289	And I was like,	我当时想,
290	definitely not my ideal clients.	绝对不是我的理想客户。
291	My ideal clients are women in their twenties.	我的理想客户是20多岁的女性
292	Why?	为什么?
293	And he was like,	他说,
294	listen, I remember he looked me dead in the eye and he like grabbed me on my shoulder.	听着,我记得他看着我死的眼睛 他喜欢抓住我的肩膀。
295	He put his	他将他的
296	hand right there.	手在这里。
297	And he was like, pull down your shirt, pull up your shorts, go talk to them.	他就像,拉下你的衬衫,拉上你的短裤, 去和他们说话。
298	In the moment, I was like, I don't even know what's happening right now.	我当时想,我甚至不知道现在发生了什么
299	And I end up leaving later	我最后还是走了
300	that day.	那个日子
301	I said, oh, I have a stomach ache.	我说,哦,我肚子疼。
302	I've got to go.	我必须走了。
303	And I just called them after.	我刚刚打电话给他们之后。
304	And I	还有我
305	said, I'm not working here.	说,我不在这里工作。
306	I'm done.	我受够了
307	And they were like, why?	他们像,为什么?
308	And I was like, not for me.	而我喜欢, 不适合我。
309	I'd	我会
310	rather be uncomfortable knowing that I don't have the money, don't have all this.	知道我没有钱,就更不自在了,别这样
311	You know, now I'm	现在我
312	uncomfortable with the fact that like, I don't know how I'm going to make ends meet, but at least I	不舒服的是,像,我不知道 我如何去 使满足,但至少我
313	keep my dignity.	保持我的尊严
314	At least I'm keeping my values.	至少我保持了我的价值
315	Like, that's just not how I roll.	喜欢,我只是不这样滚。
316	And by the way,	顺便说一句
317	you roll that way, whatever, you do you.	你往那边滚,随便你,你做你。
318	But like, I just don't roll that way.	但我不会那样滚
319	And so I was like,	所以我就说,
320	I just got to exit the situation.	我只是要退出这个局面
321	And doing little things like that over time, that's how you build	并做一些小事情 随着时间的推移,你是如何构建
322	respect for yourself.	尊重你们自己
323	It's by keeping the promises, keeping the boundaries and deciding it's okay to	这是通过遵守承诺, 保持边界和决定它可以
324	be uncomfortable as long as I'm aligned with my values.	只要我符合我的价值观,就不舒服
325	The fourth behavior is speaking truthfully	第四行为是诚实的
326	without emotionally vomiting.	没有情绪呕吐。
327	This one's insidious.	这个很阴险
328	A lot of people lose respect for themselves	很多人会失去自尊
329	because of what they say to other people.	因为他们对别人说的话
330	And then they walk away thinking, I shouldn't have said	然后他们走了,想,我不应该说
331	that.	那个
332	I think I said too much.	我想我说了太多。
333	I'm not happy with how I showed up.	我对我的出现不满意
334	I don't know if I should have said	我不知道我该不该说
335	that.	那个
336	And that's because they speak out of impulse and emotion.	这是因为他们说话是出于冲动和情感。
337	This is when people speak from	这是当人们从
338	unmanaged discomfort, rather than speaking truthfully in alignment with the results they	没有管理起来的不适, 而不是诚实地说 符合他们的结果
339	want.	想要吗?
340	A question that I ask myself all the time is what do I want to have happen from this	我经常问自己一个问题,那就是我想从中得到什么
341	conversation?	谈话?
342	Like, what's the action I want this person to take?	我要这个人做什么?
343	What would I like them to do	我要他们做什么?
344	when we get done talking?	我们谈完之后?
345	I don't ask myself how would I like to feel.	亦不问自觉如何.
346	I ask myself what would I	我问自己会怎样
347	like them to do?	像他们做的?
348	And then the third example is if you're mad at your spouse because they didn't get	第三个例子是 如果你对你的配偶生气 因为他们没有得到
349	you the gift you wanted on your birthday, you say, okay, well, why am I mad?	你生日时想要的礼物 你说 好吧 我为什么要生气?
350	Because I'm	因为我
351	uncomfortable with the fact that I think about them so much on their birthday that I would never	感觉很不舒服 我在他们生日的时候 一直想着他们
352	forget this, but they forgot it for me.	忘了这个,但他们忘了给我。
353	And so I'm uncomfortable.	所以我觉得不舒服。
354	I don't feel good.	我感觉不太好
355	Well, what do	那怎么办?
356	I want to have happen?	我想发生吗?
357	Well, I want them to think of me on my birthday.	我想让他们在我生日时想起我
358	Then do you think	那你觉得
359	emotionally vomiting all over that person is going to result in them thinking about you on your	整个人的情感呕吐 会导致他们想着你
360	birthday?	生日快乐?
361	Or do you think it's going to result in them liking you less because you made them feel	或者你认为这会导致他们更不喜欢你 因为你让他们觉得
362	bad for something they didn't even know that was an expectation of themselves?	对一些他们甚至不知道的东西不好, 那是对自己的期望?
363	And so that's why you	这就是为什么你
364	have to ask yourself these things.	得问问你自己这些事
365	And people go around in the workplace, in their friendships,	人们在工作场所, 在他们的友谊,
366	in their relationships, emotionally vomiting because it feels good in the short term and it	感情上呕吐 因为短期内感觉很好
367	feels really bad in the long term because you don't build that self-respect.	从长远来看 感觉很糟糕 因为你没有建立自尊心
368	And so if you think about	所以,如果你考虑
369	it, self-respect is like fitness.	自尊就像健身一样
370	You just do it one rep at a time.	你只做一个代表一次。
371	Every time you choose not to	每次你选择不
372	betray yourself and every time you betray yourself, you lose self-respect.	背叛自己 每次背叛自己 你就会失去自尊
373	Every time you break a	每次你打破一个
374	promise to yourself, you're showing the world how to treat you.	你向全世界展示如何对待你
375	And you show yourself how to treat	你展示自己如何治疗
376	you.	你们
377	It's just the thing.	这只是事情。
378	People who really respect themselves, they just leave situations and	真正尊重自己的人, 他们只是离开情况,
379	people who don't respect them.	那些不尊重他们的人
380	他们不抱怨,他们肯定不会YouTube,Google,
381	search videos about it.	搜索关于它的视频。
382	They just dip, they ghost them and they leave.	他们只是浸泡, 他们幽灵和他们离开。
383	So self-respect is built in	因此,自尊是建立在
384	systems that make it easy for us to keep promises to ourselves.	这些制度使我们很容易履行对自己的承诺。
385	The fourth tactic is that respect	第四个策略是尊重
386	is taught through consequences, not conversation.	是通过后果而不是对话来教导的。
387	Saying to somebody, you need to respect me is	对别人说,你需要尊重我
388	useless unless there is no consequence when they don't respect you.	除非他们不尊重你 没有后果
389	Nobody disrespects us without	没有人不尊重我们
390	our permission.	我们的许可。
391	And so respect is taught by what you accept, not what you explain to people.	所以尊重是由你所接受的,而不是向人们解释的。
392	So let's go back to the cheating example.	因此,让我们回到作弊的例子。
393	My boyfriend cheated on me and I told him,	我男朋友骗了我 我告诉他
394	if you ever do this again, you have to respect me.	如果你再这样做, 你必须尊重我。
395	You can't treat me like this.	你不能这样对我
396	Words, just words.	词,只是词.
397	Words don't mean s***.	语不谓s***.
398	If you really wanted him to respect you, you would leave.	如果你真的希望他尊重你 你会离开的
399	And then maybe at	然后也许在
400	that point, you have a chance at salvaging the relationship because he has now learned	这一点,你有机会 挽救关系 因为他现在已经学会了
401	there is a consequence.	有个后果
402	If I cheat, she leaves versus before it was if I cheat, she just says	如果我作弊,她就会离开 之前,如果我作弊,她只是说
403	some s*** up to my face.	一些S***在我的脸上。
404	She talks at me.	她对我说话。
405	I get yelled at for a day.	我被骂一天。
406	The same goes for teammates.	队友也一样
407	If they disrespect you and all you do is say words, nothing changes.	如果他们不尊重你,你所做的就是说出话来,没有什么变化。
408	But if you say,	但如果你说
409	I'm taking this project away and you just take it away.	我要把这个项目带走 而你就把它拿走
410	If you demote somebody, if you suspend	如果你降级,如果你暂停
411	somebody, okay, now there's a consequence and that is likely not going to happen again.	某个人,好吧,现在有一个后果 很可能不会再发生
412	So here's the	所以这是
413	thing.	东西。
414	Nobody is going to respect you unless you demand it through action, not through talking.	没有人会尊重你 除非你通过行动而不是通过谈话来要求
415	There was a time when somebody said something to me.	曾经有人对我说了些什么
416	I remember this.	我记得这一点。
417	There was an employee	有个员工
418	and they made a joke about me in front of my team and I was in a meeting with them.	他们在我的团队面前笑话我 我在和他们会面
419	There was like probably six of us and I didn't say anything.	我们大概有六个人 我什么都没说
420	I just left.	我刚刚离开。
421	And me leaving, it taught	我离开,它教
422	{\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我有些事 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}那就是我没什么能说的
423	than me leaving that room.	比我离开那间房还重要
424	Not only did I get an apology, I got the most remorseful letter I've ever	我不仅得到道歉 我收到过最悔恨的信
425	read.	读。
426	I can't believe I offended you so badly, you left the room.	真不敢相信我冒犯了你 你离开了房间
427	And the thing was that I didn't	事实是我没有
428	feel bad about myself for leaving the room.	对离开房间感到难过
429	I didn't regret it later because what would I have	我后来不后悔,因为我会有什么
430	done otherwise?	否则呢?
431	Say something, emotionally vomit.	说点什么 情绪上呕吐
432	Then I'm doing something that feels out of	然后我正在做一些感觉
433	alignment with my values because I don't like yelling at people in front of people.	符合我的价值观 因为我不喜欢在人们面前大喊大叫
434	I don't	我没有
435	like making people feel bad.	就像让人感到难过
436	I also don't like being made to feel bad.	我也不喜欢被逼坏
437	So I just left.	所以我就离开了
438	And that's	这是
439	why people will respect us through our actions, not our words.	为什么人们会通过我们的行动尊重我们,而不是我们的话。
440	Which brings me to point five,	这让我想到第五点,
441	which is mastering emotions is one of the highest forms of self-respect.	掌握情感是自尊的最高形式之一
442	People who are really,	这些人真的,
443	really powerful, people who have true personal power, they don't yell at people.	真正有权势的人,谁有真正的个人力量, 他们不骂人。
444	Emotional	情感
445	outbursts, they can feel satisfying, but they don't teach people anything.	爆发,他们可以感到满足, 但他们不教人任何东西。
446	Calm, decisive action	冷静,果断的行动
447	does.	当然
448	And so mastering our own emotions is how we successfully create boundaries without all the	所以掌握自己的情感 就是我们如何成功地创造边界 没有所有的
449	drama.	戏剧。
450	You don't need to yell.	你没必要大喊大叫
451	You don't need to shout to explain yourself.	你不需要大声解释自己
452	You decide ahead of	你提前决定
453	time.	时间。
454	What happens the next time somebody does something and then you follow through with it.	下次有人做点什么 然后你就继续做
455	When the thing happens, when they do this thing, when they say this thing, when they have this	当事情发生, 当他们做这件事, 当他们说这件事情, 当他们有这个
456	no yelling, no emotional vomiting, no explaining.	没有大喊大叫, 没有情绪呕吐, 没有解释。
457	You just do the next thing.	你只是做下一个事情。
458	That means that if	这意味着如果
459	somebody cheats on you and you're thinking to yourself, I will leave, you don't need to yell	有人在欺骗你 而你在想,我会离开,你不需要喊
460	at them.	在他们。
461	You just leave the next time your boss yells at you, say something demeaning to you.	下次你老板对你大吼大叫 说些贬损你的话
462	They	他们
463	talk about how you're not worth something.	说说你不值钱
464	They do something unethical.	他们做一些不道德的事。
465	You just leave.	你离开吧
466	You don't	你没有
467	say something.	说点什么
468	This is not about your boss.	这不是关于你的老板。
469	This is about you.	这是关于你的。
470	It's about you respecting yourself	这是关于你尊重自己
471	enough to walk away from the situation and not need to emotionally vomit on somebody.	足以摆脱困境 不需要在情感上向某人呕吐
472	Because	因为
473	that again is going to make you respect yourself less.	这又会降低你的自尊
474	So what does handling your emotions look	所以,什么处理你的情绪看起来
475	like in practice?	就像在练习?
476	We do not fight.	我们不战斗。
477	We don't argue.	我们不争吵。
478	We don't yell.	我们不叫。
479	We don't call people names that	我们不叫人名字
480	are derogatory.	是贬义。
481	Instead, we choose silence and action over conflict.	相反,我们选择沉默和行动而不是冲突。
482	We use our actions,	我们利用我们的行动,
483	not our words.	不是我们的话。
484	It's funny how we're taught that when we're young.	我们年轻时怎么学的
485	Use your words.	用你的话。
486	No, use your	不,用你的电话
487	actions.	行动。
488	We distance ourselves rather than trying to prove a point to somebody.	我们远离自己 而不是试图证明某人的观点。
489	And then we calmly	然后我们冷静下来
490	exit situations instead of emotionally exhausting ourselves in front of people.	而不是当着人们的面 耗尽我们的感情
491	And I know it feels	我知道这感觉
492	like you have to confront everybody every time they wrong you.	就像每一次你都得面对别人一样
493	But you leaving and enacting a	但你离开并颁布
494	consequence says more than any word could ever say to somebody.	后果说得比任何词都多
495	And so any time you create drama,	所以每当你创造戏剧,
496	think about it.	考虑一下
497	You end up respecting yourself less.	你最终不尊重自己
498	So you have to learn to master your emotions,	所以你必须学会掌握你的情绪
499	stay calm and use your actions.	保持冷静,用你的动作。
500	The sixth tactic is that high respect people never argue	第六项策略是 高度尊重人们从不争辩
501	to be respected.	将受到尊重。
502	They just leave.	他们刚离开。
503	So you'll never see a confident person begging to be valued.	所以你永远不会看到一个自信的人乞求被重视.
504	They've already decided their worth before they walked in the door.	他们已经决定了自己的价值 在他们走进门前。
505	An example of this is like	举例来说
506	when I was in college, I had a boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half.	当我在大学的时候,我有一个男朋友 我和他在一起一年半。
507	I found out he	我发现他
508	cheated on me and he told me and I remember sitting there and the first thing that came out my mouth	骗了我,他告诉我,我记得 坐在那,第一件事 走出我的嘴
509	was, okay, well, I guess we can't be together.	好吧,我想我们不可能在一起了
510	And I remember he was like first shocked that I	我记得他就像第一次震惊我
511	wasn't yelling, secondly shocked like, oh, wait, what?	不是大喊大叫,第二,震惊的像,哦,等等,什么?
512	He was like, he was like, he could not	他喜欢,他喜欢,他不能
513	compute.	计算。
514	I'm sure that guy had never had a girl not scream and rip his head off when he had cheated	我敢肯定,那家伙从来没有一个女孩 没有尖叫和撕掉他的头 当他作弊
515	because he'd definitely done it before.	因为他以前肯定做过
516	And I was just like, yeah, well, then we can't be together.	我当时想,是的,那么,我们不能在一起。
517	And I remember I made a choice consciously in that moment.	我记得我当时有意识地做出了选择。
518	I was like, I want to respect the	我当时想,我想尊重
519	woman I am and how I handle this situation because guess what?	我是一个女人,我怎么处理这个情况 因为你知道吗?
520	I had already decided	我已经决定了
521	if anyone ever cheated on me, I would walk away in silence.	如果有人背叛我 我会默默地离开
522	I'm not going to yell.	我不会喊的
523	I'm not going to	我不会
524	scream.	尖叫声。
525	I'm just going to be done.	我就要结束了
526	And why is that?	为什么?
527	Because it's not about them.	因为这跟他们无关
528	It's not about how	这不是关于如何
529	they feel in the situation.	他们感到在这种情况下。
530	It's not about if they know they disrespected me.	这不是如果他们知道 他们不尊重我。
531	It's because	因为
532	I wouldn't respect myself if I turned into the girl who screamed, who cried, who begged.	如果我变成一个尖叫,哭泣,乞求的女孩,我就不会尊重自己.
533	I don't	我没有
534	want to be that person.	想要成为那个人。
535	I don't want to carry that with me.	我不想带着它
536	I don't want to wake up the next morning	我不想第二天早上醒来
537	and think about that.	考虑一下
538	And so I said, we can be friends if anything.	所以我说 我们可以做朋友
539	He was a nice guy.	他是个好人。
540	I liked him.	我喜欢他
541	He made a mistake, but I was like, I've already decided I'm done.	他犯了一个错误, 但我喜欢,我已经决定 我结束了。
542	We're not going to be together	我们不会在一起的
543	in a situation.	在某种情况下。
544	I know a lot of people think, well, shouldn't I try and talk it out?	我知道很多人会想,嗯,我不该试着说出来吗?
545	Am I just giving	我只是给
546	up?	起来?
547	And it's like, why do we talk?	我们为什么要谈?
548	Why do we talk to people?	我们为什么要和别人说话?
549	We talk to people because we want to	我们和别人聊天,因为我们想
550	change something about what they do.	改变他们的行为
551	So my favorite thing that my husband and I do is that when we	我和我丈夫最喜欢的就是 当我们
552	have tension, when we have anything we disagree on, we just say, what would you like me to do	紧张,当我们有什么意见 我们只是说,你想让我做什么
553	differently?	不一样?
554	Because we have all this drama in relationships.	因为我们有 这一切戏剧性的关系。
555	People stay up until three.	人待三时.
556	I've	我见过
557	not had late night fights.	没有深夜吵架。
558	It's very short to the point.	说得非常短.
559	Like we get it.	就像我们得到它。
560	We have this down.	我们有这个下来。
561	What do	怎么办?
562	you want me to do differently?	你想我做不同的吗?
563	I don't need you to yell at me.	我不需要你对我大吼大叫
564	I just want to know what behavior	我只是想知道什么行为
565	would you like me to change?	要我换衣服吗?
566	And then I can decide if I'm willing to do that or not.	然后,我可以决定 我是否愿意这样做。
567	And if I'm not,	如果我没有
568	we'll just come up with a different way of doing this.	我们会想出一个不同的方式做到这一点。
569	And the second piece is that like leaving	第二块是像离开
570	doesn't mean that you give up.	这并不意味着你放弃。
571	It means that you grew up.	这意味着你长大了。
572	You recognize that some conversations	你认识一些对话
573	don't need to be had.	没必要有。
574	Not every conversation needs to be had.	不是每一次谈话都要有
575	It really doesn't.	它真的没有。
576	And if they didn't	如果他们没有
577	change after the first time that this situation occurred, then they're probably not going to	在第一次发生这种情况之后,他们可能不会
578	change after the fifth or the sixth.	第五或第六节之后的更改。
579	And so walking away from a situation is not quitting.	因此,离开一个情况是不会放弃的。
580	It's choosing to respect yourself more than the situation.	它选择尊重自己 比情况。
581	And that is why respect doesn't start	所以才没有开始尊重
582	with other people.	和别人
583	It starts with you, with how you behave, with how you show up.	它从你开始, 从你的行为, 你如何出现。
584	And it's what	这是什么
585	you tolerate.	你宽容。
586	And the version of you that you're trying to be can't survive in an environment where	你试图生存的版本 在一个环境中
587	you're constantly disrespected by yourself.	你总是不尊重自己
588	If this video helped you, and if this resonated with	如果这段视频能帮助你 如果这回响
589	what you're struggling with right now, you can go ahead and check out my video on how to become	你现在在挣扎什么, 你可以去去看看我的视频 如何成为

该视频共有字幕 590 条。解锁更多字幕为会员功能，请移动到 价格