不知道说啥，直接笑吧 | Oxford Union
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:08 | I now look to Lily Phillips to close the case for the proposition. | 我现在希望莉莉・菲利普斯 结束这个案子 |
| 0:18 | Yeah, I'm quite intimidated being here at the prestigious Oxford University, | 是啊,我相当害怕 在这里在著名的牛津大学, |
| 0:23 | but any university for that matter because I didn't even go to university. | 但任何一所大学,因为我甚至没有上大学。 |
| 0:27 | But I'm sure I got just as good an education at the three-year performance diploma | 但我肯定在三年的成绩文凭上 也得到了同样好的教育 |
| 0:34 | at an unrecognised dance college in Watford. | 在沃特福德的一所舞蹈学院里 |
| 0:38 | I learnt a lot there. | 我在那里学到了很多 |
| 0:40 | I learnt about pirouettes, counting up to eight. | 我学会了修道,最多数到八 |
| 0:45 | And eating disorders. | 而饮食烦恼. |
| 0:53 | In beautiful irony, when I typed this up, | 很讽刺 当我打这个的时候 |
| 0:56 | the computer autocorrected my spelling of the word pirouette, | 电脑自动校正了我的拼写 piroute这个词, |
展开字幕全文（151 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | I now look to Lily Phillips to close the case for the proposition. | 我现在希望莉莉・菲利普斯 结束这个案子 |
| 2 | Yeah, I'm quite intimidated being here at the prestigious Oxford University, | 是啊,我相当害怕 在这里在著名的牛津大学, |
| 3 | but any university for that matter because I didn't even go to university. | 但任何一所大学,因为我甚至没有上大学。 |
| 4 | But I'm sure I got just as good an education at the three-year performance diploma | 但我肯定在三年的成绩文凭上 也得到了同样好的教育 |
| 5 | at an unrecognised dance college in Watford. | 在沃特福德的一所舞蹈学院里 |
| 6 | I learnt a lot there. | 我在那里学到了很多 |
| 7 | I learnt about pirouettes, counting up to eight. | 我学会了修道,最多数到八 |
| 8 | And eating disorders. | 而饮食烦恼. |
| 9 | In beautiful irony, when I typed this up, | 很讽刺 当我打这个的时候 |
| 10 | the computer autocorrected my spelling of the word pirouette, | 电脑自动校正了我的拼写 piroute这个词, |
| 11 | which just shows how much I learnt at that piece of shit college. | 这说明我在那个烂大学学到了多少 |
| 12 | But I'm here to argue that all we need is love. | 但我在这里争论 我们需要的只是爱。 |
| 13 | But that kind of sentimentality doesn't sit well with me, | 但那种多愁善感 却不能与我同在 |
| 14 | doesn't come naturally because I'm from London. | 不是自然来的 因为我来自伦敦 |
| 15 | And I'm the kind of Londoner that when I'm crossing the road in London, | 我是那种伦敦人 当我穿越伦敦的公路, |
| 16 | if it's a bit risky, if it's the red man, | 如果这有点危险,如果它是红色的人, |
| 17 | I make sure that when I cross, I sandwich myself in between two other people. | 我确保当我穿越时, 我会在另外两个人之间做三明治。 |
| 18 | So if a car comes from either direction, they'll die. | 所以,如果一辆车来自任一方向,他们会死。 |
| 19 | So as you can see, London has hardened me somewhat, | 如你所见 伦敦让我有点硬 |
| 20 | or as my boyfriend likes to describe it, | 或者当我男朋友喜欢描述它, |
| 21 | has given me a cold, dead English heart. | 已经给了我一个寒冷的,死了的英国心脏。 |
| 22 | But I'm here arguing that all we need is love | 但我在这里争论 我们需要的只是爱 |
| 23 | because I think love can manifest in mysterious ways. | 因为我认为爱情可以神秘地表现出来 |
| 24 | And I want to share two stories with you where my outlook on love was changed forever. | 我想和你分享两个故事 在那里,我对爱情的看法永远改变了。 |
| 25 | The first one is when I realised I loved my boyfriend for the first time. | 第一次是我第一次意识到我爱我的男朋友 |
| 26 | And I just want to prepare any hopeful romantics in the room | 我只是想准备 任何充满希望的浪漫 在房间里 |
| 27 | that the story does end with a declaration of love, but it begins with my vagina. | 故事确实以爱的宣示告终 但从我的阴道开始 |
| 28 | Which I thought might be a bit out there for you guys, but we just had pegging, so. | 我想你们可能有点外出, 但我们只是挂了,所以。 |
| 29 | This is primary school shit, okay. | 这是小学的狗屎,好吧。 |
| 30 | So I use moon cups for my period. | 所以我用月球杯 在我的月经。 |
| 31 | Does anyone here use a moon cup? | 有人用月球杯吗? |
| 32 | Jamie does. | 杰米会的 |
| 33 | Does anyone, a few people know what they are? | 有人知道自己是谁吗? |
| 34 | I've actually brought one in just to show the people plebs at the back that don't know. | 我带了一张来 是为了给后面的人看 |
| 35 | This is a moon cup. | 这是一个月球杯。 |
| 36 | I didn't just pull that out of my vagina for those of you at the back. | 我不只是从我的阴道里拉出来的 那些在后面的人。 |
| 37 | It's a spare one that I have. | 我有一个备用的 |
| 38 | But basically, do you want to touch it, Jamie? | 但基本上,你想触摸它,杰米? |
| 39 | Yeah, sorry. | 是的,对不起。 |
| 40 | Gotta be inclusive with these things. | 这些东西必须包含在内 |
| 41 | It hasn't been used today. | 今未用过. |
| 42 | But they're great, they're great. | 但他们是伟大的,他们是伟大的。 |
| 43 | You just pop it up yourself, you wash it, and then you reuse it. | 你只要自己弹出来 洗一下 然后再用 |
| 44 | They're amazing, I love them. | 他们是惊人的, 我爱他们。 |
| 45 | So everyone should get one, women and men. | 所以每个人都应该有一个,女人和男人。 |
| 46 | They double up as a surprisingly satisfying butt plug. | 双胞胎是令人惊讶的 满足的屁股塞。 |
| 47 | So fun for all the family. | 如此乐一切眷属. |
| 48 | But the thing about these moon cups is when you get them, | 但是,这些月球杯的事情是 当你得到它们, |
| 49 | you have to trim this little stem bit. | 你得修剪这个小树干 |
| 50 | Getting front row. | 获得前列. |
| 51 | I'm sorry. | 对不起 |
| 52 | So you have to trim this bit according to your size. | 所以你得根据自己的大小来修剪这个位子。 |
| 53 | And I got a bit carried away with this trimming because I kept trimming it, | 我对这个修剪有点过火 因为我一直在修剪 |
| 54 | kept putting it back up myself, kept trimming it, | 不停地放回去 不断修剪 |
| 55 | and I was like, oh my god, I've got such a tiny vagina. | 我就像,哦,我的上帝, 我有一个这么小的阴道。 |
| 56 | I was so excited by this, kept trimming it, | 我很兴奋,不断修剪 |
| 57 | and then my vagina just took it. | 然后我的阴道就把它拿走了。 |
| 58 | Honestly. | 说实话 |
| 59 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 60 | Just took it, I want to give it back, bitch. | 就拿了,我要还给你,婊子 |
| 61 | And no matter what I tried, | 无论我怎么努力 |
| 62 | I couldn't get this environmentally friendly bugger out of me. | 我拿不出这个环保的混蛋 |
| 63 | And in the end, I had to call my boyfriend in to come and help me get it out. | 最后,我只好叫我的男朋友来帮我弄出来 |
| 64 | Which is really annoying because I'm an independent woman. | 这真的很烦人 因为我是一个独立的女人。 |
| 65 | But he was amazing. | 但他很厉害 |
| 66 | You know, he strode in like a man going into battle. | 你知道,他像一个正在打仗的人一样 挺身而出。 |
| 67 | Rolled up his sleeves and said firmly, | 卷起袖子说: |
| 68 | bear down and push like you're having a baby. | 轻轻地推 就像你怀了个孩子 |
| 69 | Which I instinctively knew how to do, it's really pissed me off. | 我本能地知道怎么做 真的很让我生气 |
| 70 | But it worked, it worked, and we did manage to get the Moon Cup out. | 但是它起作用了,它起作用了, 我们设法把月球杯弄出来了。 |
| 71 | We did it with a bit of enthusiasm though, | 不过我们还是很热情的 |
| 72 | and the contents did sort of decorate the bathroom. | 里面的东西确实装饰了浴室 |
| 73 | It's fine, it's fine. | 没事的,没事的 |
| 74 | Just a tiny bit went on his face. | 他脸上只有一点点 |
| 75 | Just a smidge. | 只是个小混球 |
| 76 | But the point is, the point is, in that moment, in that blood spattered bathroom, | 但重点是 那一刻 血溅的浴室里 |
| 77 | I knew I loved this man. | 我知道我爱这个男人。 |
| 78 | You know, he had pulled the Moon Cup out of inside of me. | 他把月球杯从我体内拉出来 |
| 79 | And I thought, this is the person I want to attach myself to. | 我想,这就是我想附身的人。 |
| 80 | I want to be with this man in a real way. | 我想真正和这个人在一起 |
| 81 | The second story I have for you. | 第二个故事我给你。 |
| 82 | Again, a warning, I'll just give this to you, Jamie. | 再说一次,我警告你,杰米 |
| 83 | I do need it back though. | 但我确实需要它回来。 |
| 84 | I'm leaking. | 我渗漏。 |
| 85 | That's why I wore a suit. | 所以我才穿西装 |
| 86 | No, the second story, again, it starts with a cute puppy, | 不,第二个故事, 再次,它开始 可爱的小狗, |
| 87 | but ends with a vagina. | 但以阴道结束。 |
| 88 | So it might be sensing a theme there. | 因此它可能感应到一个主题。 |
| 89 | So me and my boyfriend recently got a puppy, which is cute. | 我和我男朋友最近养了只小狗 很可爱 |
| 90 | It's a bit weird because we're both very selfish. | 这有点奇怪 因为我们都很自私 |
| 91 | So I'm a comedian, he's an actor. | 所以我是喜剧演员 他是演员 |
| 92 | So our relationship is based on both of us waiting for the other person to finish talking | 所以,我们的关系是基于我们两个 等待对方完成谈话 |
| 93 | so that we can talk about ourselves again. | 这样我们才能再谈谈我们自己 |
| 94 | But we got a puppy, and everyone says having a puppy is like having a baby. | 但我们有一只小狗, 大家都说有一只小狗就像有个孩子。 |
| 95 | And it is. | 事实就是如此。 |
| 96 | Like you have to look after it, get it to sleep. | 就像你要照顾它,让它睡觉。 |
| 97 | Obviously the breastfeeding is tough. | 很明显,母乳喂养很困难。 |
| 98 | But the big difference between a puppy and a baby is | 但小狗和婴儿之间的大区别是 |
| 99 | that if my puppy suddenly ran out to the road and got run over, | 如果我的小狗突然跑到路边 然后被撞倒了 |
| 100 | there's a part of me that would be relieved. | 有一部分的我 会得到解脱。 |
| 101 | It's a lot of work, it's a lot of work. | 工夫繁多,工夫纷纷. |
| 102 | My nipples are very sore, very sore. | 我的乳头很疼 很疼 |
| 103 | But one day my puppy got cystitis. | 但有一天我的小狗得了囊肿 |
| 104 | Did anyone even know that puppies could get that? | 有没有人知道小狗会得到这个? |
| 105 | No one at Oxford even knew that. | 牛津大学的人都不知道 |
| 106 | Good. | 不错 |
| 107 | So I had to look up what to do, and on the internet it said what you have to do is trim the hair | 所以,我不得不看看该怎么办, 在互联网上 它说,你必须做的是 修剪头发 |
| 108 | around the puppy's vagina and then put pseudocrem on it. | 绕着小狗的阴道 然后在阴道上涂上假阴茎 |
| 109 | Weird, isn't it? | 很奇怪,不是吗? |
| 110 | But I was like, I better set to work, I'm a mother now. | 但我想,我最好开始工作, 我现在是一个母亲。 |
| 111 | So I thought I would do the trimming while the puppy was asleep. | 所以我想趁小狗睡着的时候做修剪 |
| 112 | Just hear me out. | 听我说完 |
| 113 | Because she sleeps on her back, like with her legs up. | 因为她睡在她的背上, 就像她的腿上。 |
| 114 | Ask him for it. | 问他如何. |
| 115 | And so I crept up on her with my little scissors. | 所以我用小剪刀踩着她 |
| 116 | I can't believe I did this, it's so embarrassing. | 真不敢相信是我干的,太尴尬了 |
| 117 | And I started trimming, and then she woke up as I was mid-Brazilian. | 我开始修剪,然后她醒过来 当我是中巴西人。 |
| 118 | Very annoying. | 非常烦人 |
| 119 | And then me and my boyfriend had a big row over who was going to put the pseudocrem on the dog's vagina. | 然后我和我男朋友 有一排大排 谁要把假阴茎 在狗的阴道。 |
| 120 | He won, so he got to do it. | 他赢了,所以他必须这样做。 |
| 121 | And it took him ages. | 他花了很长时间。 |
| 122 | He was being so sweet and gentle and delicate with her. | 他对她如此温柔和细腻 |
| 123 | And it was just another one of those amazing rushes of feelings of love | 而这只是另一个令人惊叹的爱的冲动 |
| 124 | towards him and the way he was treating this puppy of ours. | 和他对待我们这只小狗的方式 |
| 125 | I mean, needless to say, she immediately licked it all off and then vomited. | 我的意思是,不用说, 她立刻舔了这一切 然后呕吐。 |
| 126 | But the moment stands alone. | 但此时此刻却孤军奋战。 |
| 127 | And I felt that love for him again. | 我再次感觉到了对他的爱 |
| 128 | I thought, you know, this is someone I want to be with in a real way once he's washed his hands. | 我想,你知道,这是一个人 我想在真正的方式 与他洗手。 |
| 129 | So I argue that all we need is love because in those moments I wasn't thinking about anything else but love. | 所以我认为我们需要的只是爱,因为在那些时刻,我除了爱之外,没有其他的想法。 |
| 130 | It gave me mindfulness that we all search for and it's very hard to actually come by. | 它让我意识到,我们都在寻找, 很难真正来。 |
| 131 | But these moments, they force you to forget about everything else. | 但是这些时刻 迫使你忘记其他一切 |
| 132 | They force you to just love, to just live, to just be and not think about what you can | 他们强迫你只爱,只爱生活,只爱生活,不考虑你能做什么 |
| 133 | and cannot change in the world. | 无法改变世界 |
| 134 | So maybe all we need is love because it gives us the space in this chaotic world | 所以也许我们只需要爱 因为它给了我们这个混乱世界的空间 |
| 135 | to handle the next challenge that awaits us. | 来应对我们面临的下一个挑战 |
| 136 | And whether those moments are watching leaves sway softly in the winter breeze | 以及那些时刻是否在冬季微风中轻轻地注视着叶子 |
| 137 | or the stoic nature in which your boyfriend helps you birth your own moon cup. | 或者你的男朋友 帮助你生出自己的月球杯的泥土性质 |
| 138 | Or whether it's listening to the breathing of your new puppy lying on your lap. | 或者它是否在听 你的新小狗躺在你的腿上的呼吸声 |
| 139 | Or whether it's watching your boyfriend gently apply pseudochrome to that puppy's genitals. | 或者它是否看着你的男朋友轻轻地 将假染色体应用到小狗的生殖器上 |
| 140 | Whatever it is, it gives us peace and a quiet before the storm. | 不管是什么,它给了我们和平和安静的风暴。 |
| 141 | Just to finish, I'm sure you're all wondering what happened with the puppy | 说完,我肯定你们都想知道 小狗怎么了 |
| 142 | and why she did get cystitis. | 还有为什么她得了囊炎 |
| 143 | We eventually found out. | 我们最终发现了 |
| 144 | We took her to the vets, did a little examination and she said two things. | 我们带她去看兽医 做了个小检查 她说了两句话 |
| 145 | Firstly, stop breastfeeding your dog, which is a fair point. | 首先,停止喂养你的狗,这是公平的观点。 |
| 146 | And secondly, the reason she keeps getting cystitis | 其次,她不断患上囊炎的原因 |
| 147 | is because she has an enlarged vulva hood. | 因为她有一个扩大的阴道罩。 |
| 148 | Yes, Jamie, that's what he said. | 是的,杰米,他是这么说的。 |
| 149 | An enlarged vulva hood, which I thought was incredible. | 一个扩大的Vulva罩, 我认为这是不可思议的。 |
| 150 | And you know, I know dogs are supposed to look like their owners, | 你知道,我知道狗应该 看起来像他们的主人, |
| 151 | but that shit is spooky. | 但是那东西很恐怖 |
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