《大西洋月刊》浪漫大衰退: 为什么现在的年轻人爱不起了？ [
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字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:05 | You're listening to The Great Romance Slump. | 你在听"伟大的浪漫贫民窟" |
| 0:08 | Why are so few young people finding love? | 为什么这么少的年轻人找到爱? |
| 0:11 | 由Faith Hill撰写. | |
| 0:13 | Published in the September issue of The Atlantic. | 发表于"大西洋"9月期. |
| 0:16 | Read by Erin Allen. | 由艾琳·艾伦阅读. |
| 0:18 | Produced by Hark Audio, a podcast curation app. | 由Hark Audio制作,一个播客解说应用. |
| 0:21 | You can find this and other narrated Atlantic articles | 你可以找到这篇 和其他描述的大西洋文章 |
| 0:24 | along with curated podcast moments in the Hark Audio app. | 以及哈克音频应用软件的播客 |
| 0:29 | About 90 seconds into a three minute hug with a stranger, | 大约90秒后 和陌生人拥抱了3分钟 |
| 0:32 | I began to think that dying alone | 我开始觉得一个人死了 |
展开字幕全文（960 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | You're listening to The Great Romance Slump. | 你在听"伟大的浪漫贫民窟" |
| 2 | Why are so few young people finding love? | 为什么这么少的年轻人找到爱? |
| 3 | 由Faith Hill撰写. | |
| 4 | Published in the September issue of The Atlantic. | 发表于"大西洋"9月期. |
| 5 | Read by Erin Allen. | 由艾琳·艾伦阅读. |
| 6 | Produced by Hark Audio, a podcast curation app. | 由Hark Audio制作,一个播客解说应用. |
| 7 | You can find this and other narrated Atlantic articles | 你可以找到这篇 和其他描述的大西洋文章 |
| 8 | along with curated podcast moments in the Hark Audio app. | 以及哈克音频应用软件的播客 |
| 9 | About 90 seconds into a three minute hug with a stranger, | 大约90秒后 和陌生人拥抱了3分钟 |
| 10 | I began to think that dying alone | 我开始觉得一个人死了 |
| 11 | might not be so bad after all. | 毕竟也没那么糟糕 |
| 12 | I'd come to a candlelit loft in Manhattan | 我来到曼哈顿的烛光阁 |
| 13 | for a quote unquote mindful singles event | 引用未引用的单个事件 |
| 14 | called The Feels, which was designed to be the opposite | 叫做"感觉",它被设计成相反 |
| 15 | of the disembodied experience of dating apps. | 在约会应用程序的破烂经验。 |
| 16 | Participants, phones tucked away, paired up | 参加者,电话收起来,对齐 |
| 17 | and attempted a series of quote unquote | 并尝试了一系列引文 未引文 |
| 18 | somatic awareness exercises, | 身体意识练习, |
| 19 | including staring into each other's eyes, | 包括凝视对方的眼睛, |
| 20 | hugging and holding a hand over each other's heart. | 拥抱并握着彼此的心脏 |
| 21 | We'd been warned that discomfort is part of the process. | 有人警告我们,不适是过程的一部分. |
| 22 | A facilitator had reminded us that, | 一位主持人提醒我们, |
| 23 | as long as consent and respect are involved, | 只要得到同意和尊重 |
| 24 | a little uneasiness opens the door to vulnerability. | 有点不安打开了脆弱之门。 |
| 25 | Having paid $100 for a process advertised | 已支付100美元,用于一个过程的广告 |
| 26 | as quote unquote better relating, | 如引文所引, |
| 27 | informed by Carl Jung and the Buddha | 由卡尔·郑和菩萨告知 |
| 28 | and the body's quote unquote infinite wisdom, | 和身体的引文 未引用的无限智慧, |
| 29 | participants were motivated to agree. | 与会者积极表示同意。 |
| 30 | And many of us, more by circumstance than by choice, | 而我们许多人, 更多的根据情况而不是选择, |
| 31 | were already experts in exiting our comfort zone. | 已经是离开我们舒适地带的专家了 |
| 32 | We'd spent years meeting strangers, | 我们相遇多年 |
| 33 | opening ourselves to judgment, | 打开我们的判断, |
| 34 | scrounging for conversation topics, | 摇摆的谈话话题, |
| 35 | worrying about our outfits, gargling mouthwash in the office, | 担心我们的衣服 办公室的漱口水 |
| 36 | but we still hadn't found what or whom we wanted. | 但是我们还没找到我们想要的 |
| 37 | We came ready to get to work. | 我们准备上班了 |
| 38 | The mere existence of The Feels, | 仅仅存在的感觉, |
| 39 | which hosts events in cities across the United States, | 在美国各城市举办活动, |
| 40 | suggests that we are living in a time of romantic plenty. | 说明我们生活在一个充满浪漫的时代 |
| 41 | In New York City, I could go to a dating event | 在纽约市,我可以去约会活动 |
| 42 | every night of the week. | 礼拜每晚. |
| 43 | I could use a matchmaking service | 我可以用一个配对服务 |
| 44 | or talk with a dating coach | 或者和约会教练交谈 |
| 45 | or sign up for one of the many newsletters | 或者报名参加很多通讯之一 |
| 46 | trying to bring back personal ads. | 试图带回个人广告。 |
| 47 | Even if I didn't live in a major city, | 即使我不住在一个大城市里 |
| 48 | I'd have dating apps to choose from, | 我会有约会应用程序 选择从, |
| 49 | not only Tinder and Hinge, but a zillion others, | 不仅是丁德和兴格 还有十几万人 |
| 50 | platforms for farmers, gamers, single parents, | 农民、游戏商、单亲家长、 |
| 51 | cannabis enthusiasts, | 大麻爱好者, |
| 52 | and members of the gluten-free community. | 和无贪食社区的成员。 |
| 53 | I have four apps in my current rotation. | 我有四个应用程序在我的当前轮。 |
| 54 | As I write this, one of them has 317 message threads | 我写这个的时候,其中一个有317条信息线 |
| 55 | and 455 quote-unquote likes that I need to evaluate. | 455条引文喜欢我需要评价 |
| 56 | And yet, despite the bounty of possibility, | 然而,尽管有这种可能, |
| 57 | we are living through a great romance slump. | 我们正经历一场浪漫的萧条 |
| 58 | Romance is a broad term, of course. | 当然,浪漫是一个广义的术语。 |
| 59 | Traditionally, it manifests in the thrill of sex, | 传统上,它表现在性刺激, |
| 60 | the devotion of a long-term partnership, | 长期伙伴关系的奉献, |
| 61 | or the ritual of courtship, | 或求爱仪式, |
| 62 | including the act of hope that is a first date. | 包括作为第一次约会的希望行为。 |
| 63 | But all of those manifestations | 但所有这些表现 |
| 64 | are becoming less common in the US, | 在美国越来越少见, |
| 65 | especially among young people. | 特别是年轻人。 |
| 66 | The proportion of the 25 to 34-year-olds | 25至34岁的比例 |
| 67 | in marriages or cohabiting partnerships | 婚姻或同居伴侣关系 |
| 68 | dropped steeply from 1980 to 2022 | 从1980年到2022年急剧下降 |
| 69 | by almost 10 percentage points for college graduates | 大学毕业生近10个百分点 |
| 70 | and more than 20 percentage points | 20个百分点以上 |
| 71 | for people without a degree. | 对于没有学位的人。 |
| 72 | According to an analysis | 根据分析 |
| 73 | by the Financial Times data reporter, John Byrne Murdoch, | 《金融时报》数据记者 约翰·伯恩·默多克 |
| 74 | a shrinking share of young adults have a steady partner. | 年轻成年人的比例越来越小,有稳定的伴侣。 |
| 75 | And in 2019, 42% of single adults younger than 40 | 在2019年,42%的40岁以下单身成年人 |
| 76 | told Pew Research Center | 告诉皮尤研究中心 |
| 77 | that they'd never been in a committed relationship. | 他们从来没有 在一个坚定的关系。 |
| 78 | 在2025年的YouGov民调中, | |
| 79 | 69% of single respondents said they quote-unquote rarely | 69%的受访者说他们很少引用 |
| 80 | or quote-unquote never go on dates. | 或者引文不引 绝不去约会。 |
| 81 | And people are having less sex. | 人们的性爱也越来越少 |
| 82 | From 2000 to 2018, the share of 25 to 34-year-olds | 从2000年到2018年,25至34岁人口的比例 |
| 83 | who said they hadn't had sex in the previous year | 说去年没做爱的 |
| 84 | almost doubled. | 几乎翻了一倍。 |
| 85 | It's not that people have lost interest in love. | 不是人们对爱情失去了兴趣 |
| 86 | A majority of single young adults | 多数单身青年 |
| 87 | say they want lifelong partnership. | 说他们想要终生伴侣关系 |
| 88 | But for a variety of reasons, | 但由于各种原因, |
| 89 | fewer of them are finding it. | 找到它的人比较少 |
| 90 | Ali Hoffman, a former CEO of a digital media company | 阿里·霍夫曼(Ali Hoffman),曾是一家数字媒体公司的首席执行官. |
| 91 | who launched The Feels in 2022, | 他于2022年推出"感觉" |
| 92 | has observed quote, | 已观察到引言, |
| 93 | She has expanded her offerings accordingly. | 因此,她扩大了供货范围。 |
| 94 | At a quote-unquote level two Feels event, | 在引用未引用的二级事件上, |
| 95 | which costs up to $215, | 费用最多215美元 |
| 96 | you can be paired with people quote, | 你可以和人们的引用对齐 |
| 97 | at a similar stage in their awareness journey, end quote. | 在他们认识的旅程的类似阶段,最后引文。 |
| 98 | A spot at a singles weekend retreat starts at $1,300. | 单人周末务虚会1300元开始. |
| 99 | Three matches based on a questionnaire and a phone call, | 三个匹配基于一个问卷和一个电话, |
| 100 | plus six coaching sessions over three months, total $4,750. | 加上3个月的6次辅导,共计4 750美元。 |
| 101 | In a romance recession, | 在浪漫的衰退中, |
| 102 | some people give up and some double down. | 有些人放弃,有些则加倍。 |
| 103 | So here I was doubling down, | 所以这里我翻了一番 |
| 104 | sweating in a strange man's arms. | 汗流在陌生人的怀中. |
| 105 | My neck hurt. | 我的脖子受伤了 |
| 106 | I couldn't figure out how close to him I should stand. | 我不知我该跟他有多亲近 |
| 107 | Too near and you lose breathing room. | 离太近就失去呼吸空间了 |
| 108 | Too far and the whole enterprise falls apart. | 太远了 整个企业都崩溃了 |
| 109 | For years, I'd been in the same group chat | 几年来,我一直在同一个小组聊天 |
| 110 | with pretty much the same single friends. | 和几乎一样的单身朋友 |
| 111 | We'd labeled it the quote-unquote lonely hearts club. | 我们给它贴上了 引文未引用的孤独的心脏俱乐部的标签 |
| 112 | And it became a sanctuary for dishing about weird dates, | 它成为了祭祀怪枣的避难所, |
| 113 | complaining about getting ghosted, | 抱怨鬼魂缠身 |
| 114 | 分享与 TikTokers 的链接 。 | |
| 115 | and complaining about getting ghosted. | 抱怨自己被鬼咬了 |
| 116 | I'd received variations of the same quote, | 我收到了相同引用的变体 |
| 117 | I'm not feeling a spark, end quote text, | 我没感觉到火花,最后引用的文字, |
| 118 | so many times that I started replying | 这么多次,我开始回答 |
| 119 | with a single emoji, the face saluting. | 与单一的emoji,面部恭敬。 |
| 120 | But at The Feels, I was trying to be open and optimistic. | 但是在《感觉》里,我试图保持开放和乐观。 |
| 121 | I'd stared into someone's eyes for three languid minutes, | 我凝视了别人三分钟 |
| 122 | wondering if I was blinking a normal amount. | 想知道我是否在眨眼 一个正常的数量。 |
| 123 | I'd been moved, feeling another person's heartbeat | 我被感动了,感觉别人的心跳 |
| 124 | beneath my palm as anyone with a pulse would be. | 在我掌下,像任何人 有脉搏会是。 |
| 125 | The hug was the last round though. | 拥抱虽然是最后一回合。 |
| 126 | And then real life resumed. | 然后真实生活恢复. |
| 127 | We mingled, but the intimacy had disappeared. | 我们混合了,但亲密已经消失了。 |
| 128 | One man told me that he had high emotional intelligence | 一个人告诉我 他有很高的情感智慧 |
| 129 | and could tell that I did too. | 并且可以说我也是 |
| 130 | Then he suggested that we travel together someday, | 然后他建议我们有一天一起旅行 |
| 131 | handed me his business card and walked away. | 把他的名片递给我 然后走人了 |
| 132 | I gave a few people my phone number, | 我给一些人我的电话号码, |
| 133 | including one man who sent me a picture of his face | 包括一个送我一张脸的人 |
| 134 | the very next morning and another who texted me so much, | 第二天早上 还有另一个发短信给我的人 |
| 135 | even after a polite rebuff that I had to block him. | 甚至在我不得不阻拦他之后 |
| 136 | One date with another guy resulted, | 一个约会另一个家伙的结果, |
| 137 | but I wasn't interested in a second. | 但我一秒钟都没兴趣 |
| 138 | The perception of abundance | 富足感 |
| 139 | had once again evaporated into nothing. | 再一次蒸发成一无所有 |
| 140 | I don't mean to suggest that people need romance | 我不是说人们需要浪漫 |
| 141 | to be fulfilled. | 将完成。 |
| 142 | In truth, I don't believe that partnership | 说实话,我不相信这种伙伴关系 |
| 143 | is inherently better than singlehood. | 本质上比单身好 |
| 144 | As a society, we've been moving toward this point | 作为一个社会,我们一直在朝着这个方向前进 |
| 145 | for decades, where marriage is not a prerequisite | 几十年来,婚姻不是先决条件 |
| 146 | for social and financial survival, | 社会和财政生存, |
| 147 | where we have other sources of purpose and community, | 在那里,我们有其他的目的来源和社区, |
| 148 | where there are many different ways to live a good life. | 在那里有很多不同的方式 过上美好的生活。 |
| 149 | Yet now that we're here, | 然而,现在我们在这里, |
| 150 | the reality doesn't feel quite so triumphant. | 现实并不觉得如此胜利 |
| 151 | If the dream was more equal partnerships, | 如果梦想是更平等的伙伴关系, |
| 152 | born from love rather than necessity, | 出生于爱而不是必要, |
| 153 | freedom rather than convention, | 自由而不是公约, |
| 154 | what many of us got was no partnership at all | 我们当中很多人 根本没有伙伴关系 |
| 155 | and a feeling that it was eternally out of reach. | 感觉它永远无法到达 |
| 156 | Those getting ever closer to 40, especially, | 那些越来越接近40,特别是, |
| 157 | tend to feel a particular sense of impending loss. | 往往会感到一种 即将发生的损失。 |
| 158 | Those are the years when the average unpartnered person | 那些年,一般没有伴侣的人 |
| 159 | struggles most with singlehood. | 单身最难熬 |
| 160 | Jeff McDonald, a University of Toronto psychologist, | 杰夫·麦克唐纳 多伦多大学心理学家 |
| 161 | told me, quote, | 告诉我,引用 |
| 162 | it's like everybody find a lifeboat, end quote, he said. | 就像每个人都找到救生艇一样 他说最后的句子 |
| 163 | It's a period of acute open-endedness. | 是急性开放性时期. |
| 164 | When people are trying to figure out what to prioritize, | 当人们试图找出什么是优先, |
| 165 | how to plan for the future, | 如何规划未来, |
| 166 | which dreams are worth pursuing | 梦想值得追求 |
| 167 | and which have to be sacrificed. | 和必须牺牲。 |
| 168 | For women who want to have biological children, | 对于想生孩子的妇女, |
| 169 | it's also when time is running out. | 也是时间不多的时候 |
| 170 | One 39-year-old I talked with, a woman who works in film, | 一个39岁的我谈话, 一个在电影工作的女人, |
| 171 | told me she felt like she was on a quote unquote, precipice. | 说她觉得自己在引用一句原话 |
| 172 | She was weighing having kids and knew the clock was ticking. | 她很重有孩子 而且知道时间在流逝 |
| 173 | She'd had a great time on a feels weekend getaway | 她周末离家出走很愉快 |
| 174 | and although she hadn't formed a lasting romantic connection, | 虽然她没有形成长久的浪漫关系 |
| 175 | she'd made friends. | 她交过朋友 |
| 176 | 他们在WhatsApp组聊天 | |
| 177 | about their dating highs and lows. | 关于他们的约会高低。 |
| 178 | Her life is full. | 她的生命充满了。 |
| 179 | Still, she said, quote, the world is burning. | 但是,她说,引用, 世界正在燃烧。 |
| 180 | I would really like to be able to go through that | 我真的很想经历一下 |
| 181 | with someone, end quote. | 和某个人一起,最后引用 |
| 182 | I wanted that for her and for myself, | 我是为了她和我自己 |
| 183 | or at least I wanted to understand why | 或者至少我想了解为什么 |
| 184 | we weren't finding what we wanted. | 我们没有找到我们想要的东西 |
| 185 | So I did what I know how to do, I reported. | 所以我做了我知道的,我报告。 |
| 186 | I interviewed dozens of researchers | 我采访了几十个研究人员 |
| 187 | and single people across the country. | 和全国的单身汉 |
| 188 | Endured a series of curious but fruitless dating events | 经历了一系列好奇但毫无结果的约会事件 |
| 189 | and bravely subjected myself to some actual dates. | 勇敢地使自己 面对一些真正的约会。 |
| 190 | The romance slump I found is a product of broader trends. | 我发现的浪漫低迷是更广泛的趋势的产物。 |
| 191 | Souring gender relations, a transformed economy, | 播撒性别关系, 一个转型的经济, |
| 192 | the unevenness of social progress | 社会进步的不平衡 |
| 193 | and technology that both connects and isolates us. | 以及连接和隔离我们的技术。 |
| 194 | Millions of individual heartaches | 数百万个人心痛 |
| 195 | are rewriting the love story | 重写爱情故事 |
| 196 | we've told ourselves for centuries. | 我们告诉自己几个世纪了 |
| 197 | Just to be clear, I'm not nostalgic | 说清楚,我不是怀旧 |
| 198 | for how things used to be. | 对于过去的事情。 |
| 199 | For much of human history, romance was incidental. | 在人类历史上 浪漫是偶然的 |
| 200 | Marriage was typically a practical arrangement, | 婚姻通常是一种实际安排, |
| 201 | a way to unite families and consolidate resources. | 一种团结家庭和整合资源的方法。 |
| 202 | In the industrial age, young people began relocating | 在工业时代,年轻人开始迁移 |
| 203 | to cities for work and enjoyed newfound independence | 城市工作,享受新获得的独立 |
| 204 | and leisure time. | 还有闲暇时间 |
| 205 | Courtship moved from the family parlor to the dance hall. | 求爱从家庭客厅搬到舞厅. |
| 206 | But women still didn't have many pathways | 但女人还是没有多少路可走 |
| 207 | other than marriage to financial independence or to sex. | 与经济独立或性别有关的婚姻除外。 |
| 208 | The fact that my great grandmother got pregnant | 我曾祖母怀孕的事实 |
| 209 | before she was married at the beginning of the 20th century | 在20世纪初结婚之前 |
| 210 | was such a source of family shame, | 是家庭耻辱的根源 |
| 211 | never freely discussed, that my mother felt its dark shadow | 从未自由讨论过 我妈妈感受到它的黑暗阴影 |
| 212 | when she was growing up in the 1950s and 60s. | 1950年代和60年代她长大的时候 |
| 213 | That was the peak marriage era | 那是婚姻高峰时期 |
| 214 | when almost 90% of women in the US | 美国近90%的妇女 |
| 215 | were married before they turned 25. | 在他们25岁之前结婚 |
| 216 | Even as second wave feminism boomed, | 即使第二波女性主义兴起 |
| 217 | banks could still require a woman to obtain permission | 银行仍然可以要求妇女获得许可 |
| 218 | from her husband or a male relative to get a home loan | 从丈夫或男性亲属那里获得住房贷款 |
| 219 | or apply for a credit card. | 或申请信用卡。 |
| 220 | In 1965, birth control was legalized, | 1965年,节育合法化, |
| 221 | but only for married couples. | 但只针对已婚夫妇 |
| 222 | A few years later, my mother, | 几年后,我妈妈, |
| 223 | who was living with her boyfriend at the time, | 当时和她男朋友住在一起 |
| 224 | wore a fake wedding ring, | 戴着假结婚戒指 |
| 225 | a plastic one from a gumball machine, | 一个塑料从口香糖机, |
| 226 | to her doctor appointment to request the pill. | 去看医生 要求吃药 |
| 227 | Beginning in the 70s though, | 从70年代开始 |
| 228 | wider access to contraception and abortion | 更广泛地获得避孕和堕胎服务 |
| 229 | began to curb shotgun weddings | 开始阻止猎枪婚礼 |
| 230 | and more women entered college and the workforce. | 更多的妇女进入大学和工作队伍。 |
| 231 | Stigmas around singlehood and queer relationships loosened. | 单身和同性恋关系都松了 |
| 232 | The nuclear family model, | 核心家庭模式, |
| 233 | once such a source of gravity, lost some of its pull. | 曾经是这种引力的来源 却失去了一些引力 |
| 234 | The decline of marriage could also be called | 婚姻的减少也可以称为 |
| 235 | the rise of choice, especially for women. | 选择的兴起,特别是对于妇女。 |
| 236 | Philip N. Cohen,马里兰大学社会学家, | |
| 237 | told me, quote, | 告诉我,引用 |
| 238 | the 1950s family could not even reproduce itself | 20世纪50年代 家庭甚至无法繁殖自己 |
| 239 | for one generation, end quote, he said. | 一代人,最后的引文,他说。 |
| 240 | Quote, they couldn't even convince | 引用,他们甚至无法说服 |
| 241 | their children that this was the right way | 他们的孩子,这是正确的方式 |
| 242 | to arrange their lives. | 来安排他们的生活 |
| 243 | So it failed immediately, end quote. | 因此,它立即失败了,结束引文。 |
| 244 | I came along in 1995, a lucky moment in many ways. | 我于1995年来,在许多方面是一个幸运的时刻。 |
| 245 | Growing up in the 21st century, | 在21世纪长大, |
| 246 | I daydreamed not about whom I'd marry, | 我日复一日地梦见我嫁给谁 |
| 247 | but about what fabulous career path I'd choose. | 但我会选择什么绝佳的职业生涯 |
| 248 | In elementary school, I made business cards that said, | 在小学,我做了名片 说, |
| 249 | psychologist, got a problem? | 心理学家,有问题吗? |
| 250 | Call me, and distributed them on the playground. | 打给我,然后在操场上分发 |
| 251 | When my grandmother was widowed in her 50s, | 我祖母50多岁丧偶时 |
| 252 | her friends, all couples, stopped calling her. | 她的朋友,所有夫妇, 停止打电话给她。 |
| 253 | It wasn't proper for them to socialize with a single woman. | 他们和单身女人交往是不恰当的 |
| 254 | When my mother got divorced in her 50s, | 当我妈50多岁离婚时 |
| 255 | she wasn't abandoned by her friends, | 她不是被朋友抛弃的 |
| 256 | but she was always aware of her single status | 但她总是知道她的单身身份 |
| 257 | in a social snow globe of married people. | 在一个社会雪球 已婚的人。 |
| 258 | I'm 31 now, and most of the people in my circle are single. | 现在我31岁了,我圈子里的大多数人都是单身的. |
| 259 | Quite a few of them have never been in a relationship. | 不少人从未有过恋情. |
| 260 | I spent this past Valentine's Day on a beach in Mexico | 过去我在墨西哥的海滩上度过了情人节 |
| 261 | with two of my best friends. | 和两个我最好的朋友。 |
| 262 | And yet, for many people, | 然而,对许多人来说, |
| 263 | singlehood is at once eminently normal and entirely unwanted. | 单身是一时十分正常和完全不受欢迎的。 |
| 264 | Even an unhappily single person, Cohen said, | 即使是一个不幸的单身者,科恩说, |
| 265 | is a sign of progress. | 这是进步的标志。 |
| 266 | At least they haven't been forced to partner | 至少他们没有被迫合作 |
| 267 | with someone they don't want to be with. | 和他们不想在一起的人在一起 |
| 268 | But that's like telling someone with a cavity | 但是这就像告诉一个有腔的人 |
| 269 | to be grateful for modern dentistry, | 感谢现代牙科, |
| 270 | completely correct and a little annoying. | 完全正确 有点烦人 |
| 271 | In interviews, people kept saying | 在采访中,人们一直说 |
| 272 | they knew they ought to make time for romance. | 他们知道他们应该让 时间浪漫。 |
| 273 | But then, when would they see their friends | 但是,他们什么时候会见到朋友? |
| 274 | or travel or exercise or get ahead at work? | 或旅行或锻炼 或者提前工作? |
| 275 | Dating has always entailed some hardship, | 约会总是带来一些困难, |
| 276 | but it used to be the norm to find love in everyday life, | 但它曾经是常态 在日常生活中找到爱, |
| 277 | at the office, at church, at a party. | 在办公室 教堂 派对上 |
| 278 | People didn't need to choose what to step away from. | 人们不需要选择 离开什么。 |
| 279 | Now, many of the quirks of modern life | 现在,现代生活的许多怪异 |
| 280 | have made meeting organically in person less likely. | 已经使亲自有机会面的可能性降低。 |
| 281 | More people are tucked away at home, working remotely, | 更多的人被困在家里,远程工作, |
| 282 | streaming TV and having food delivered to their door. | 将食物送到他们家 |
| 283 | Approaching strangers feels fraught | 接近陌生人 感觉很累人 |
| 284 | when so many of us are used to flirting via text | 当我们有这么多人习惯通过文字调情 |
| 285 | with people who have already, quote unquote, liked us. | 和那些已经喜欢我们的人 |
| 286 | So we depend on the apps even as we resent them. | 所以,我们依赖应用程序 即使我们讨厌它们。 |
| 287 | Dating becomes another responsibility to squeeze in. | 约会成为另一个挤进的责任. |
| 288 | Quote, like you're scheduling a job interview, end quote. | 引文 就像你安排面试 结尾引文 |
| 289 | Sarah Boyle,芝加哥29岁的公设律师 | |
| 290 | told me, quote, oh, let me pencil in this date | 告诉我,引用一下,哦,让我在这日期铅笔 |
| 291 | for three weeks from now | 三个星期后 |
| 292 | with this stranger from the internet, end quote. | 与这个陌生人 从互联网,结尾引用。 |
| 293 | Modern romance requires a toll, in other words, | 现代浪漫需要代价,换句话说, |
| 294 | paid in energy, insanity, in cash, in hours, | 用能量、精神错乱、现金、小时 |
| 295 | and not everyone can afford it. | 不是每个人都能买得起的 |
| 296 | One 2025 study, which I feel obliged to report, | 2025年的一项研究,我不得不报告, |
| 297 | is called, quote, Making Enough For Love, | 被称作,引文, "让足够爱, |
| 298 | found that the higher someone's income, | 发现一个人的收入越高 |
| 299 | the more likely they were to enter into a relationship | 他们越有可能建立关系 |
| 300 | or simply to feel ready for one. | 或者只是觉得自己已经准备好了 |
| 301 | You might protest that coupling | 你也许可以抗议那串联 |
| 302 | is actually a savvy financial move. | 实际上,这是一个温柔的金融动作。 |
| 303 | Indeed, it was once common for partners to marry first, | 事实上,伴侣先结婚曾经很常见, |
| 304 | then pool resources and work towards stability together. | 然后汇集资源,共同努力实现稳定。 |
| 305 | But sociologists today say that marriage | 但社会学家今天说婚姻 |
| 306 | is seen by many as a capstone, | 被许多人视为顶石, |
| 307 | a trophy that people feel prepared for | 一个奖杯,人们觉得 准备 |
| 308 | only after they've paid off debts, | 在他们还清债务之后 |
| 309 | settled into a steady job, | 定居在稳定的工作, |
| 310 | or saved enough to buy a house or have kids. | 或者存够了钱买房子或者生孩子 |
| 311 | Over the past 50 years, | 过去50年 |
| 312 | job security and stable hours have become scarcer, | 工作保障和稳定时间越来越少, |
| 313 | said Kristen Harknett, a UC Berkeley sociologist. | 他说克莉丝汀·哈克内特是伯克利大学社会学家 |
| 314 | That means traditional milestones are harder to reach, | 这意味着传统里程碑更难达到, |
| 315 | and tying your livelihood to someone else's | 将你的生计与别人的 |
| 316 | can feel like a liability rather than an advantage. | 感觉像是责任而不是优势 |
| 317 | On top of all this, | 在这一切之外, |
| 318 | COVID-19 triggered a, quote, unquote, | COVID-19引发了一个,引文,未引文, |
| 319 | pandemic dating recession, | 流行性衰退, |
| 320 | according to the Stanford sociologist Michael J. Rosenfeld. | 根据斯坦福社会学家迈克尔·J·罗森菲尔德(Michael J. |
| 321 | From 2017 to 2022, | 从2017年到2022年, |
| 322 | the number of single adults in the US rose by about 5%, | 美国的单身成年人人数增加了5%左右, |
| 323 | more than 13 million people, | 超过1300万人 |
| 324 | mostly because young people weren't meeting | 主要是年轻人不见面 |
| 325 | as frequently as before. | 和以前一样频繁 |
| 326 | Americans, mired in uncertainty, | 美国人,充满了不确定性, |
| 327 | have lost faith that the old sources of stability, | 已经丧失了信念, 旧的稳定来源, |
| 328 | the economy, marriage, one another, | 经济,婚姻,彼此, |
| 329 | will deliver them to solid ground, | 他们将被送去坚固的地面, |
| 330 | and mistrust and instability are bad for romance. | 不信任和不稳定对浪漫有害 |
| 331 | I talked with plenty of researchers | 我跟很多研究人员谈过了 |
| 332 | about numbers and theories, | 关于数字和理论, |
| 333 | but I wanted to hear how this really feels, | 但我想听听这感觉 |
| 334 | and not just for my lonely hearts club. | 不只是为我孤独的心脏俱乐部。 |
| 335 | So I created an informal survey | 所以我做了一个非正式的调查 |
| 336 | to pass around to single people, | 传到单身的人, |
| 337 | asking how they approached dating or didn't, | 问他们怎么约会的 |
| 338 | how set they were on finding a partner, | 他们是怎么找到搭档的? |
| 339 | how that fit in with other life goals, | 如何适应其他生活目标, |
| 340 | and whether they were hopeful about finding love. | 他们是否希望找到爱 |
| 341 | I heard back from men, women, and non-binary people, | 我从男人,女人, 和没有二进制的人那里听到的 |
| 342 | queer and straight, ages 23 to 49, | 同性恋和直,23至49岁, |
| 343 | living in places such as Oklahoma City, | 住在俄克拉荷马城等地 |
| 344 | Atlanta, Pittsburgh, Bowling Green, Ohio, | 亚特兰大 匹兹堡 鲍林 格林 俄亥俄州 |
| 345 | and Portland, Oregon. | 还有俄勒冈州波特兰 |
| 346 | I talked with people from different race | 我和不同种族的人谈过了 |
| 347 | and class backgrounds, | 和阶级背景, |
| 348 | and what I heard was that a lot of them are tired. | 我听到的是,他们中很多人都累了。 |
| 349 | Dating is, quote, | 约会是,引言, |
| 350 | just a series of constant blows | 只是一连串不断的打击 |
| 351 | to whatever self-confidence I had, end quote, | 不管我有什么自信,最后引言, |
| 352 | Keith Cawson说 一个42岁的皇后区直男 | |
| 353 | quote, it's low-key soul-destroying, end quote. | 引用,这是低调的 灵魂败坏,结尾引用。 |
| 354 | Quote, people are very commitment resistant, | 引用一下,人们非常抗拒承诺, |
| 355 | and it's contagious, end quote, | 它的传染性, 结尾引用, |
| 356 | a queer 27-year-old from New Jersey said, | 一位来自新泽西州27岁的同性恋说 |
| 357 | quote, being alone and lonely and wanting | 引用,孤独和渴望 |
| 358 | is safer than risking being put through emotional distress. | 比冒险承受精神痛苦更安全 |
| 359 | I think romancing myself, treating myself kindly, | 我觉得自己很温柔 对我友善 |
| 360 | doing nice things alone, | 一个人做好事 |
| 361 | like taking myself on a date and treating myself, | 就像和我约会 治疗自己 |
| 362 | has yielded better results, end quote. | 已经取得了更好的结果,最后引文。 |
| 363 | Quote, I'm part of the generation of Disney girls | 引用一下,我是迪士尼女郎中的一员 |
| 364 | who were groomed from birth | 从出生起就被培养的 |
| 365 | that our Prince Charming was coming, | 我们的白马王子来了, |
| 366 | and unfortunately, I still believe that, end quote, | 不幸的是,我仍然相信,最后引言, |
| 367 | wrote one 26-year-old woman in Los Angeles | 在洛杉矶写了一个26岁的女人 |
| 368 | who had been single her whole adult life, | 她已经单身 她的整个成年生活, |
| 369 | though she'd been diligently dating for years. | 虽然她一直 勤奋的约会多年。 |
| 370 | Olivia Medina 又一个26岁的洛杉矶人 | |
| 371 | said that at the beginning of 2020, | 说在2020年初, |
| 372 | she'd been excited about a budding relationship | 她对萌芽的关系很兴奋 |
| 373 | with one of her college classmates. | 她的大学同学之一 |
| 374 | Then she had to spend her entire senior year online. | 然后她不得不在网络上度过整个高年级. |
| 375 | By the time the world returned to relative normality, | 到世界恢复正常的时候, |
| 376 | her priorities had shifted. | 她的重心已经改变 |
| 377 | Quote, I had basically created a whole new hierarchy | 引用一下,我基本上创造了一个新的等级 |
| 378 | Medina说, | |
| 379 | Quote, and dating was so low because I had gotten so used | 引用,约会是如此的低 因为我得到了如此的利用 |
| 380 | to just spending time with my friends | 和我的朋友们呆在一起 |
| 381 | and doing things that I like for me, end quote. | 做我喜欢的事,最后引用 |
| 382 | When the need for romance is low and the toll is steep, | 当浪漫的需求低 和损失是陡峭, |
| 383 | some give up. | 有人放弃了。 |
| 384 | Others hold out for a partnership dreamy enough | 其他人则坚持合作的梦想 |
| 385 | to justify the search. | 以证明搜查是正当的 |
| 386 | Again and again, people explained | 人们一再解释 |
| 387 | that their lives weren't lacking | 他们的生命并不缺乏 |
| 388 | and they would only carve out space in their days | 他们只在自己的时代创造空间, |
| 389 | for someone who made them giddy. | 给一个让他们发飙的人 |
| 390 | Having expectations this high | 有这么高的期望 |
| 391 | is a magnificent historical novelty. | 是一个伟大的历史新奇。 |
| 392 | The hard part is finding someone who can meet them. | 难的是找到一个能满足他们的人 |
| 393 | Joanna Davidson, a Boston University anthropologist, | 约安娜·戴维森 波士顿大学人类学家 |
| 394 | was living in a village in Guinea-Bissau | 住在几内亚比绍的一个村庄 |
| 395 | when she began to notice a particular kind | 当她开始注意到某一种 |
| 396 | of rundown house. | 破旧房屋。 |
| 397 | Kungamaku, she learned, were the structures women moved | 昆加马库,她知道, 结构女性移动 |
| 398 | into after their husbands died | 进入他们的丈夫死后 |
| 399 | and their homes were torn down, | 他们的房屋被拆毁, |
| 400 | Jola族的习俗 | |
| 401 | predominant in the region. | 在本区域占主导地位。 |
| 402 | The widows either borrowed rice patties or begged for food, | 寡妇们不是借了米饼 就是乞求食物 |
| 403 | yet fewer and fewer of them were willing to remarry, | 他们中愿意再婚的人越来越少, |
| 404 | she determined, and the number of Kungamaku kept growing. | 她决定了,而昆加马库的人数不断增长。 |
| 405 | Quote, you sit and suffer under the punishment | 引用,你坐着受惩罚 |
| 406 | of your husband, end quote. | 你的丈夫,最后引文。 |
| 407 | One woman told her, quote, when he dies, | 一个女人告诉她,引用, 当他死了, |
| 408 | why would you go get punished by another man, end quote. | 为什么你会被另一个人惩罚, 结尾引用。 |
| 409 | When Davidson relayed all of this | 当戴维森转发这一切 |
| 410 | at an American Anthropological Association Conference | 美国人类学协会会议 |
| 411 | in Washington, D.C., the air felt charged with recognition. | 在华盛顿特区,空气被赋予承认的权利。 |
| 412 | A room full of researchers could chart | 满屋子的研究人员都能找到 |
| 413 | from their own fieldwork the depth | 从他们自己的实地工作 深度 |
| 414 | of women's dissatisfaction. | 女性的不满。 |
| 415 | So Davidson and Dinah Hannaford, | 戴维森和戴娜汉纳福德 |
| 416 | a University of Houston anthropologist, | a 休斯顿大学人类学家, |
| 417 | sent out a call for contributions | 发出捐款呼吁 |
| 418 | for what would become their 2022 book, | 他们的2022年的书, |
| 419 | opting out, Women Messing with Marriage Around the World. | 选择退出, 女人与婚姻 在世界各地。 |
| 420 | Their inboxes flooded with case studies | 他们的收件箱充满了案例研究 |
| 421 | from countries rich and poor. | 来自富国和穷国。 |
| 422 | In Botswana, they heard, many children were raised | 在博茨瓦纳,他们听说许多儿童被抚养。 |
| 423 | within networks of single women and their kin. | 在单身妇女及其亲属的网络中。 |
| 424 | Only about 4,500 Botswanans married in 2024 | 2024年只有约4 500名博茨瓦纳人结婚 |
| 425 | out of a population of 2.5 million. | 在250万人口中。 |
| 426 | They learned about women in South Korea | 他们知道韩国妇女的情况 |
| 427 | who had delayed marriage to take care | 推迟结婚照顾孩子的人 |
| 428 | of aging family members, then realized, | 是年迈的家属, |
| 429 | looking around at the men in their lives, | 看着周围的男人 在他们的生活, |
| 430 | that they had no regrets. | 他们没有悔恨。 |
| 431 | Hannaford wrote about women in Senegal, | 汉纳福德写了塞内加尔的妇女 |
| 432 | marrying men who live abroad | 与居住在国外的男子结婚 |
| 433 | or becoming a man's third or fourth wife | 或者成为男人的第三或第四任妻子 |
| 434 | in hopes of evading both the public disgrace | 以逃避公众的耻辱 |
| 435 | of singlehood and the practical emotional | 单身与实际情感 |
| 436 | and sexual labor of a typical union. | 和典型结合的性劳动。 |
| 437 | Nine out of 10 people worldwide, | 全世界10个人中有9个 |
| 438 | the anthropologists pointed out, | 人类学家指出, |
| 439 | live in a country with falling marriage rates. | 生活在婚姻率下降的国家。 |
| 440 | The specific challenges varied by location, | 具体挑战因地点而异, |
| 441 | but all over the globe, women were fed up. | 全世界的女人都厌倦了 |
| 442 | Quote, embedded throughout this volume, end quote, | 引文 嵌入本卷 结尾引文 |
| 443 | Davidson and Hannaford wrote in their introduction, | 戴维森和汉纳福德在他们的介绍中写道, |
| 444 | quote, is the seeming ubiquity | 引用,似乎无处不在 |
| 445 | of generally disappointing men, end quote. | 通常令人失望的人,最后引文。 |
| 446 | Call it a supply problem. | 称其为供给问题. |
| 447 | Some researchers think that the great romance slump | 一些研究者认为,伟大的浪漫 萧条 |
| 448 | has been caused largely by a shortage | 主要是因为短缺 |
| 449 | of quote unquote, marriageable men. | 引文未引用, 已婚男子。 |
| 450 | But to be fair to men, the old standards of success | 但对于男人来说 成功的旧标准 |
| 451 | have become harder to achieve. | 已经变得更加难以实现。 |
| 452 | In the United States, steady, well-paying blue collar jobs | 在美国,稳定,高薪的蓝领工作 |
| 453 | have been all but decimated, | 已遭毁灭, |
| 454 | and fewer men than women are earning the college degrees | 获得大学学位的男性比女性少 |
| 455 | that have become almost a prerequisite | 几乎成为先决条件 |
| 456 | for financial stability. | 金融稳定。 |
| 457 | The percentage of 25 to 54-year-old American men | 25至54岁美国男子的百分比 |
| 458 | who are neither working nor seeking employment | 既不工作也不寻求就业的人; |
| 459 | quadrupled over the past 70 years. | 过去70年来翻了两番。 |
| 460 | A vanishing portion can single-handedly support a family | 一个消失的部分可以独自支撑一个家庭 |
| 461 | or offer a partner any sense of security. | 或给予伴侣任何安全感。 |
| 462 | More college-educated women have begun marrying men | 更多的受过大学教育的妇女开始与男子结婚 |
| 463 | without a degree, picking off the high earners among them. | 没有学位,就宰了其中的高薪者。 |
| 464 | This means that women without a degree | 这意味着没有学位的妇女 |
| 465 | are in turn left with fewer prospects | 转而使前景黯淡 |
| 466 | and their marriage rates are plummeting, | 他们的结婚率正在下降, |
| 467 | especially in areas where men face higher rates | 特别是在男子失业率较高的地区 |
| 468 | of joblessness and incarceration. | 失业和监禁。 |
| 469 | Meanwhile, a lot of men are feeling painfully inadequate. | 与此同时,许多男人感到痛苦地不足。 |
| 470 | It's not that money is the only thing a man can offer. | 不是钱是男人唯一能提供的东西 |
| 471 | After all, fewer women need a breadwinner now. | 毕竟,现在需要养家糊口的妇女较少。 |
| 472 | But researchers told me that the qualities women now value | 但是研究者告诉我 女性现在的价值 |
| 473 | more than ever, sensitivity, openness, communication skills | 比以往更加敏感、开放、沟通技巧 |
| 474 | are not typically ingrained in men from childhood. | 男子从小就通常不会被灌输。 |
| 475 | And although men strive to meet those modern expectations, | 虽然男人努力满足现代的期望 |
| 476 | the old standards haven't disappeared. | 老标准并没有消失。 |
| 477 | Men are supposed to pay for dinner | 男人要付饭钱 |
| 478 | but also treat women as equals, | 并且以平等的态度对待妇女, |
| 479 | to initiate flirty banter but never be creepy or aggressive, | 开始调情,但不要吓人或攻击, |
| 480 | to be sturdy and masculine | 坚固而雄壮 |
| 481 | but also empathetic and thoughtful. | 但也具有同情心和深思熟虑 |
| 482 | Arthur, a 46-year-old in New Jersey | 亚瑟,新泽西州46岁 |
| 483 | who responded to my survey, | 回答我的调查, |
| 484 | said that he's dated women who think he's too nice. | 说他和觉得自己太好的女人约会 |
| 485 | One explained that she broke up with him | 有人说她和他分手了 |
| 486 | because he has quote unquote, dad energy. | 因为他引用了未引用的,爸爸的能量。 |
| 487 | Quote, I'm not 100% sure what that means, end quote. | 引用,我不100%确定 是什么意思,最后引用。 |
| 488 | Arthur告诉我说 | |
| 489 | but I'm guessing it's not very sexy, end quote. | 但我猜这不太性感,最后引言。 |
| 490 | Another said she liked how sweet and supportive he was, | 另一个说,她喜欢 多甜美和支持他, |
| 491 | yet also wanted him to be more decisive, | 还希望他更果断 |
| 492 | to be quote unquote, the man in the relationship, | 被引出未引用, 男人在关系, |
| 493 | as Arthur saw it. | 如亚瑟所见 |
| 494 | He wasn't sure how to exhibit both traits at once. | 他不确定如何同时展示两种特征. |
| 495 | Other men I spoke with felt like the romantic odds | 其他男人,我说话 感觉像浪漫的机会 |
| 496 | were stacked against them, especially on dating apps. | 特别是约会的应用程序上 |
| 497 | They had the sense that women were drowning in matches | 他们觉得女人被火柴淹没 |
| 498 | while they were sending quote unquote, likes into the void. | 当他们发出引言的时候, |
| 499 | Quote, I feel like I'm being rejected | 引用一下,我觉得自己被拒绝 |
| 500 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}400万女人一起来 {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}最后引文 | |
| 501 | Cousin, the man from Queens, told me, | 堂弟,皇后区的人告诉我, |
| 502 | the guys I talked with described men as demoralized schmucks | 我和那些被描述为士气低落的家伙 |
| 503 | and women as thriving girl bosses, | 和女人作为繁荣的女老板, |
| 504 | the rule setters, the winners, and the prize, | 规则制定者、获奖者和奖金者, |
| 505 | the ones who want romance, but do not need it. | 那些想要浪漫的人 却不需要 |
| 506 | But that idea makes women sound a lot more powerful | 但是这个想法让女人的声音更加强大 |
| 507 | and liberated than they really are as a whole. | 并解放了他们真正的整体。 |
| 508 | Women may be going to college at higher rates, | 妇女上大学的比例可能较高, |
| 509 | but they still make less on average than men | 但他们的平均收入仍然低于男子 |
| 510 | with a comparable education in the same field of study. | 在同一研究领域受过可比教育。 |
| 511 | In the typical married or cohabiting straight couple, | 在典型的已婚或同居的直系夫妇中, |
| 512 | women still do much more of the domestic labor, | 妇女仍然做更多的家务劳动, |
| 513 | even when the woman is the breadwinner. | 即使女人是养家糊口的人 |
| 514 | Chris Swataco, who ministers to single Christians, | 克里斯・斯瓦塔科,谁是牧师 单身基督徒, |
| 515 | hears from many young women who are so exasperated | 听说很多年轻女人都这么激动 |
| 516 | by their search for romance that they are losing hope. | 他们寻找浪漫 他们正在失去希望。 |
| 517 | They tell her versions of quote, | 他们告诉她的引用版本, |
| 518 | I'm meeting a lot of guys who still live at home at 27 | 我要见很多27岁还住在家里的人 |
| 519 | and they're gamers, | 他们是玩家, |
| 520 | and that's all they're interested in doing, end quote. | 这就是他们感兴趣的事情,最后引言。 |
| 521 | Ali Hoffman has noticed that many of the younger men | 阿里・霍夫曼注意到很多年轻男人 |
| 522 | at the fields events seem quote, | 在现场事件似乎引用, |
| 523 | relationally underdeveloped, end quote, | 关系不发达,最后引文, |
| 524 | particularly Gen Z men who have grown up | 特别是长大的Z将军 |
| 525 | in front of screens. | 在屏幕前。 |
| 526 | They want connection, | 他们想要连接 |
| 527 | but when confronted with women's expectations, | 但当面对妇女的期望, |
| 528 | they can feel under-equipped and overwhelmed. | 他们觉得装备不足 不堪重负 |
| 529 | The women I interviewed didn't seem picky | 我采访过的女人看起来并不挑剔 |
| 530 | so much as pessimistic and burned out on bad behavior. | 如此悲观 和燃烧的坏行为。 |
| 531 | One had flown to visit a guy who was drunk | 一个人飞去拜访一个喝醉了的人 |
| 532 | for most of her stay, | 在她的大部分时间里 |
| 533 | brushed off his neighbor calling her a quote unquote, | 他的邻居说她有话直说 |
| 534 | piece of ass, | 一块屁股, |
| 535 | and then soon after she returned home, | 然后她回家后不久, |
| 536 | texted her that they were quote, | 给她发短信说他们被引用了 |
| 537 | never going to be together long-term, end quote. | 永远不能在一起 长期,最后引言。 |
| 538 | Another woman had fallen for a coworker | 另一个女人爱上了一个同事 |
| 539 | with whom she was getting dinner two to four times a week | 她一周要吃两到四次晚饭 |
| 540 | and who turned out to be seriously dating someone else. | 和谁发现 认真与别人约会。 |
| 541 | A lot of stories were less dramatic, | 很多故事都不太戏剧化 |
| 542 | tales of confusion and quiet disappointment, | 混乱和失望的故事, |
| 543 | featuring men who couldn't seem to express | 主角是那些似乎无法表达的人 |
| 544 | or even decide what they wanted. | 甚至决定他们想要什么 |
| 545 | Most women I think know that good men are out there, | 大部分女人,我认为知道 好男人在那里, |
| 546 | but I don't blame them for growing cynical | 但我不怪他们越来越愤世嫉俗 |
| 547 | about the chances of finding one. | 关于找到一个的机会。 |
| 548 | The feminist progress of the past half century | 过去半个世纪的女权进步 |
| 549 | has been met with a virulent backlash of misogyny. | 受到厌恶女性的强烈反响。 |
| 550 | Nearly 60% of Gen Z men say that their country has quote, | 近60%的Gen Z男人说 他们的国家已经引用, |
| 551 | gone so far in promoting women's equality | 迄今在推动妇女平等方面取得的成就 |
| 552 | that we are discriminating against men, end quote, | 我们歧视男人, |
| 553 | according to a 2025 Ipsos poll of 30 countries, | 根据对30个国家的2025年Ipsos民意调查, |
| 554 | including the United States. | 包括美国。 |
| 555 | Jessica Calarco, a sociologist | 杰西卡·卡拉科,社会学家 |
| 556 | at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, | 在威斯康辛大学麦迪逊分校 |
| 557 | said that many of her students' brothers | 她说她很多学生的兄弟 |
| 558 | watch videos of the Manosphere influencer, Andrew Tate, | 看马诺斯圈影响者安德鲁·塔特的视频 |
| 559 | who has argued that women are the property of their husband | 认为妇女是丈夫的财产 |
| 560 | and who has been accused of rape, assault, | 他被控强奸、攻击、 |
| 561 | and human trafficking, allegations he denies. | 他否认了有关贩卖人口的指控。 |
| 562 | If that's what they're seeing within their own family, | 如果他们亲眼看到这些 |
| 563 | why should they trust a stranger from an app? | 他们为什么要相信应用程序上的陌生人? |
| 564 | Hannah Tesler,博士后研究员 | |
| 565 | at the University of Michigan, | 在密歇根大学, |
| 566 | has studied the factors that influence | 研究了影响 |
| 567 | whether singles value romantic partnership. | 单身是否重视浪漫伴侣关系。 |
| 568 | In interviews, she found that most young male participants | 在采访中,她发现大多数年轻男性参与者 |
| 569 | hadn't considered in much detail | 没有仔细考虑过 |
| 570 | how they'd split household labor if they married | 如果结婚,他们如何分割家务劳动 |
| 571 | or had kids with a partner. | 或者和伴侣生孩子 |
| 572 | They weren't really expecting to make sacrifices. | 他们并不想做出牺牲 |
| 573 | Young women, meanwhile, | 同时,年轻女性 |
| 574 | were weighing their choices accordingly. | 也相应地权衡了他们的选择 |
| 575 | Some wanted a partnership only if it was truly equal. | 有些人希望只有真正平等的伙伴关系。 |
| 576 | Quote, I don't want to sign up to be somebody else's, | 引用一下 我不想成为别人的 |
| 577 | you know, caregiver, mom, maid, sex robot, nanny, therapist, | 你知道,照顾者,妈妈,女佣,性机器人,保姆,治疗师, |
| 578 | et cetera, end quote. | 等,终引. |
| 579 | Tesler summarized. | 特斯勒总结. |
| 580 | Other women were willing to do just that | 其他女人也愿意这么做 |
| 581 | if it meant they could have a family. | 如果这意味着他们可以有一个家庭。 |
| 582 | Gigi Gale, a 44-year-old in Chicago, | 吉吉・盖尔,44岁 在芝加哥, |
| 583 | has been considering these sorts of trade-offs. | 一直在考虑这些取舍。 |
| 584 | She's not someone you'd expect to be looking for | 她不是你想寻找的人 |
| 585 | a more traditional arrangement. | 一种比较传统的安排。 |
| 586 | She's a college graduate who owns a marketing company | 她是一个大学毕业生,拥有一家营销公司 |
| 587 | in the nightclub industry and co-owns a counseling center. | 在夜总会和共同拥有一个咨询中心。 |
| 588 | But she got tired of relationships | 但她厌倦了感情 |
| 589 | in which she worked full-time and split the bills. | 在其中她全职工作 并分拆账单。 |
| 590 | And the men wanted her to cook, clean, | 男人希望她做饭,清洁, |
| 591 | and generally act like a quote-unquote counselor, | 和一般的行为 像引文未引用的顾问, |
| 592 | as she put it. | 就像她说的 |
| 593 | Quote, giving them advice, building them back up, end quote. | 引文,给他们建议,建立后援,结束引文. |
| 594 | So now she's decided to try leaning into being, | 所以现在她决定了 试着去面对现实 |
| 595 | quote, more submissive, end quote. | 引用,更顺从,结尾引用. |
| 596 | She wants a provider, someone who will make her feel cared for. | 她想要一个供养者, 一个能让她感觉得到照顾的人。 |
| 597 | First, she'll have to find him, | 首先 她必须找到他 |
| 598 | and she's not having any luck. | 她没有运气 |
| 599 | Gale's story reminded me of something else I've heard. | 盖尔的故事让我想起了其他我听过的故事. |
| 600 | Carrie Rapoport Zaken, a Manhattan therapist, | 卡莉·拉波波特·扎肯 曼哈顿治疗师 |
| 601 | said that many of her single female clients | 说她很多单身女性客户 |
| 602 | have been reading The Rules, | 一直在阅读规则, |
| 603 | a dating guide that was published in 1995, | 1995年出版的约会指南, |
| 604 | and was seen as retrograde even back then, | 被看做是倒退 即使在那时, |
| 605 | because romance influencers are recommending it. | 因为浪漫影响者 推荐它。 |
| 606 | Quote, don't overwhelm him with your career triumphs, | 引用一下,不要用你的事业胜利来压倒他 |
| 607 | end quote, the book advises. | 结尾引用, 书建议。 |
| 608 | Quote, try to let him shine, end quote. | 引文,尝试让他发光,结束引文. |
| 609 | Rapoport Zaken finds it unnerving. | 拉波波特·扎肯发现它很不安. |
| 610 | All these smart, successful clients | 所有这些聪明成功的客户 |
| 611 | waiting for men to pursue them, | 等待人们追赶他们, |
| 612 | trying to appear soft and undemanding, | 试图显得柔软和不要求, |
| 613 | all in deference to a book so old | 都是为了尊重一本这么古老的书 |
| 614 | that it warns women not to call a man's landline. | 警告女人不要叫男人的电话 |
| 615 | But she understands why a blueprint like this is appealing. | 但她明白为什么这样的蓝图会吸引人 |
| 616 | Plenty of her clients have tried going boldly | 她的很多客户都大胆地尝试过 |
| 617 | after what they want, | 在他们想要的之后 |
| 618 | only to find that this turns men away. | 只会发现这让男人们远离 |
| 619 | I kept encountering the same weary nostalgia | 我不断遇到同样的厌倦的怀旧 |
| 620 | for setups and meet-cutes, | 以布施和相会盟誓, |
| 621 | for steady jobs and gender norms. | 稳定工作和性别规范。 |
| 622 | Some people I interviewed wished openly | 一些我采访的人 公开希望 |
| 623 | for more rules and fewer choices. | 更多的规则和更少的选择。 |
| 624 | When the present feels hostile to romance, | 当现在对浪漫充满敌意时 |
| 625 | and the future is frightening or unknowable, | 未来是恐怖的,是未知的, |
| 626 | can you blame people for looking to the past? | 你能怪罪人们往事吗? |
| 627 | In the months following The Feels, | 在"感觉"之后的几个月里 |
| 628 | I attended five other dating events | 我参加了另外五个约会活动 |
| 629 | across Brooklyn and Manhattan. | 穿过布鲁克林和曼哈顿 |
| 630 | I met countless jaded veterans | 我见过无数的老兵 |
| 631 | of the New York Single Circuit, | 纽约单一电路, |
| 632 | who regularly showed up to similar affairs | 经常出现类似情况的人 |
| 633 | or frequented the same one. | 或经常出现同一个。 |
| 634 | I chatted with the man who said he'd been to so many | 我跟那个说他去过这么多次的人谈过 |
| 635 | that he'd had to institute a rule for himself, | 他必须为自己制定规则, |
| 636 | five months between each so as not to lose his mind. | 5个月之间,为了不失去理智 |
| 637 | Later, when I recounted my observations to a friend, | 后来,当我向朋友讲述我的看法时, |
| 638 | he said it reminded him of when he'd been looking | 他说这让他想起他什么时候在寻找 |
| 639 | for an apartment and kept seeing the same people on tours. | 并不断在巡演中见到同样的人 |
| 640 | One event at a dimly lit Tribeca bar | 在淡淡的Tribeca酒吧的一场活动 |
| 641 | was smushed next to a happy hour | 在一个快乐的时刻旁边被砸了 |
| 642 | for real estate and land use experts. | 房地产和土地使用专家。 |
| 643 | Attendees were given glowing colored wristbands, | 观众得到了发光的彩色腕带, |
| 644 | quote, purple talk to purple, red talk to yellow, | 引用 紫色和紫色的谈话 红色和黄色的谈话 |
| 645 | end quote. | 结尾引用。 |
| 646 | The MC called out, | 军管会呼唤, |
| 647 | and then she spoon fed us icebreaker questions, | 然后她用勺子给我们解冰问题 |
| 648 | such as quote, who is your celebrity crush, end quote, | 比如引用 谁是你的名人粉丝 结尾引用 |
| 649 | and quote, what's your dream date, end quote. | 并引用,什么是你的梦想日期,结束引用。 |
| 650 | I went to two events, | 我去了两个活动, |
| 651 | a straight one in the financial district | 金融区的一个直线 |
| 652 | and a better dressed queer one in Bushwick, | 和布希威克一个穿着更好的同性恋者, |
| 653 | 介绍者使用PowerPoint | |
| 654 | to pitch their single friends to the crowd. | 把他们的单身朋友投给人群 |
| 655 | At yet another in Williamsburg, | 在威廉斯堡的又一个 |
| 656 | people much braver than me pitched themselves to the room. | 比我更勇敢的人 投身于房间。 |
| 657 | One guitarist crooned a song she'd written about herself. | 一位吉他手为她写的一首关于自己的歌配音 |
| 658 | Another did a standup routine | 另一个做了一个站起来的常规 |
| 659 | about how she's quote unquote American ugly, | 关于她如何引用 未经引用的美国丑陋, |
| 660 | meaning only men from other countries find her attractive. | 意味着只有来自其他国家的男性 才会发现她的魅力 |
| 661 | The host joked that we were all too hot | 主持人开玩笑说我们太性感了 |
| 662 | to need an event like this. | 需要这样的活动。 |
| 663 | So our personalities must be terrible. | 所以我们的人格一定很糟糕 |
| 664 | At the self-presentation event, | 在自我介绍活动中, |
| 665 | I sat with a man who shared a sprawling list | 我和一个人坐在一起 他分享了一张无序的名单 |
| 666 | of deal-breakers, fixie cuts, | 交易破裂者, 固定切, |
| 667 | and lack of physical fitness among them, | 他们中缺乏健身, |
| 668 | and then proudly described himself as non-judgmental. | 然后骄傲地形容自己是非判断性的. |
| 669 | During a speed dating night at a diner-like bar in Bushwick, | 在布希威克一个像餐馆的酒吧里 在一个快速约会的夜晚 |
| 670 | I held court at my assigned booth | 我在我的指定工作间上过庭 |
| 671 | while men rotated through the spot opposite me. | 男人在我对面的地方旋转 |
| 672 | I had only three minutes with each, | 我只有三分钟与每个, |
| 673 | but as I learned at the fields, | 但正如我在田间所学 |
| 674 | three minutes can last a long time. | 3分钟可以持续很长时间。 |
| 675 | When I gently pushed back against one man's theory | 当我轻轻地推倒一个人的理论 |
| 676 | about the romance slump, | 关于浪漫的萧条, |
| 677 | the problem is that when women talk to one another | 问题是当女人互相交谈时 |
| 678 | about men, they start to hate them. | 关于男人,他们开始讨厌他们。 |
| 679 | He changed the subject. | 他改变了话题。 |
| 680 | Quote, what's your favorite animal? | 引文 你最喜欢的动物是什么? |
| 681 | End quote. | 终引文. |
| 682 | It's hard to know when to get off the dating merry-go-round. | 很难知道什么时候才能离开约会的旋转木马 |
| 683 | Some people view the romance toll | 有些人看浪漫的伤害 |
| 684 | as an investment in their future self. | 作为对他们未来的投资。 |
| 685 | On dating apps, you can always keep putting in the work, | 在约会的应用程序, 你可以总是在工作, |
| 686 | swiping and messaging and grabbing drinks | 刷刷、发短信、喝酒 |
| 687 | and swiping again. | 并再次扫荡。 |
| 688 | The volume of potential matches is enormous, | 潜在火柴数量巨大 |
| 689 | and so is the amount of time required | 所需时间也一样 |
| 690 | to investigate each one, with no guarantees of success. | 调查每一个,没有成功的保证。 |
| 691 | The more you try, the more you want things to work out, | 你越尝试, 你越想事情解决, |
| 692 | and the less sure you become that they will. | 而且你越不确信他们会。 |
| 693 | Others refuse to pay the toll. | 其他人拒绝支付费用。 |
| 694 | They delete the apps and hope love will find them. | 他们删除了应用程序,希望爱情会找到它们. |
| 695 | 社会学博士生Margo Brack | |
| 696 | at the University of Antwerp, | 在安特卫普大学 |
| 697 | said she no longer asks study participants | 说她不再问学习参与者 |
| 698 | if they are, quote unquote, actively looking for a partner. | 如果有的话,请引用原文,积极寻找合伙人。 |
| 699 | The question that resonates more | 更能引起共鸣的问题 |
| 700 | is whether they are, quote unquote, open to a relationship. | 即他们是否,引文未引用, 开放的关系。 |
| 701 | And many have simply made peace with not being in one, | 许多人只是平和了, |
| 702 | 她的同事Alicia Ettoon告诉我的 | |
| 703 | In this last category is Treasure Saunders, | 最后一类是桑德斯宝藏 |
| 704 | a 39-year-old who spent years | 一个39岁的老人 花了很多年 |
| 705 | in a string of serious relationships | 在一系列严重的关系中 |
| 706 | during which she worked full-time, | 在她全职工作期间, |
| 707 | handled housework, and took care of her three kids. | 照顾她的三个孩子 |
| 708 | She always seemed to lose her sense of self. | 她似乎总是失去自我意识 |
| 709 | When she decided she was done, | 当她决定她结束了, |
| 710 | she needed, quote unquote, husband money, | 她需要,引用未引用的,丈夫的钱, |
| 711 | but without the husband. | 但无丈夫. |
| 712 | So she trained to become a technical engineer | 所以她训练成为技术工程师 |
| 713 | working on transportation infrastructure, | 致力于运输基础设施, |
| 714 | quote, lots of concrete and steel, end quote. | 引用 大量混凝土和钢材 结尾引用 |
| 715 | Then she used that salary to achieve a longstanding goal, | 然后她用薪水来达到一个长期的目标, |
| 716 | purchasing a four-unit property, | 购买四单元财产, |
| 717 | most of which she rents out. | 大部分都是她租出去的 |
| 718 | At first, without a partner, she was lonely, | 起初,没有伴侣,她很孤独 |
| 719 | but she started spending time at a nearby union hall | 但是她开始在附近的一个工会大厅呆着 |
| 720 | for construction tradespeople | 建筑业 |
| 721 | and getting close to her fellow UA Local 130 members, | 并接近她的同伴UA当地130个成员, |
| 722 | almost all men. | 几乎所有的男人。 |
| 723 | Quote, I have the big sweaters | 引用一下,我有大毛衣 |
| 724 | and the dirty jeans and the boots, | 肮脏的牛仔裤和靴子, |
| 725 | and my hair is always a mess, end quote, she said. | 她说我的头发总是一团糟 |
| 726 | Quote, I kinda just settled right on in, end quote. | 引用一下,我刚说好了,最后引用 |
| 727 | And her girlfriends are so precious to her | 她的女朋友对她如此珍贵 |
| 728 | that she is, in a certain way, in love with them. | 在某种意义上 她爱上了他们 |
| 729 | They take one another out to sushi dinners. | 他们互相送去寿司晚餐 |
| 730 | They travel together. | 他们一起旅行。 |
| 731 | Quote, I'm romantically involved with my friends, | 引用一下,我浪漫地和我的朋友们在一起 |
| 732 | end quote, she said. | 她说,最后的引言。 |
| 733 | Adding with the hoot of laughter, | 再加上欢笑声, |
| 734 | quote, and I use men for sex, end quote. | 引用,我用男人 性,结尾引用。 |
| 735 | In a perfect world, Sonder said she wouldn't be single, | 在一个完美的世界里 Sonder说她不会单身 |
| 736 | but this is her reality. | 但这是她的现实 |
| 737 | I heard similar sentiments in other interviews. | 我在其他采访中也听到类似的声音。 |
| 738 | Arthur, not beating the dad energy allegations, | 亚瑟,不要打 父亲的能源指控, |
| 739 | has decided to focus on being a good guy, | 决定专心做一个好人 |
| 740 | a good employee, and a good uncle. | 一个好员工 一个好叔叔 |
| 741 | Dating kept getting harder and harder, he said. | 他说约会越来越困难 |
| 742 | After so much rejection, | 经过这么多的拒绝, |
| 743 | opening up to new people feels like asking to get hurt. | 向新人敞开心扉 想要求受伤。 |
| 744 | So he said goodbye to the partner he'd once imagined. | 所以他跟他曾经想象的搭档道别. |
| 745 | Quote, it was like I lost a parent, he told me. | 引用,就像我失去了一个父母,他告诉我。 |
| 746 | But it's like anything else, you know. | 但它就像其他一切,你知道的。 |
| 747 | You move on, end quote. | 你继续前进,最后引文。 |
| 748 | He's been getting back in shape, learning new languages, | 他开始学新语言 |
| 749 | and spending time with relatives in their 80s and 90s. | 和80到90岁的亲戚在一起 |
| 750 | He thinks, hopes he's becoming a better person. | 他觉得,希望他成为一个更好的人。 |
| 751 | Hoffman, the feels founder, | 霍夫曼,感觉创始人, |
| 752 | also once had a specific vision for her future, | 还有一次她对未来有特别的展望 |
| 753 | a soulmate, a brownstone, two kids. | 一个灵魂伴侣 一个棕石 两个孩子 |
| 754 | Quote, I had it all figured out, end quote, she said. | 引用,我已经想通了, 结尾引用,她说。 |
| 755 | Quote, and then it didn't happen, end quote. | 引文,然后没有发生,结束引文. |
| 756 | In her late 30s, she realized | 30多岁的时候 她意识到 |
| 757 | that her dream life was just a dream. | 她的梦想生活只是一个梦 |
| 758 | She could only know what was right in front of her. | 她只能知道她面前的是什么 |
| 759 | As she said this over Zoom, | 正如她对Zoom说的 |
| 760 | she started naming things around her. | 她开始给周围的东西命名 |
| 761 | An orange, a water bottle, | 一个橙色,一个水瓶, |
| 762 | to indicate how literally she meant this. | 说明她到底是什么意思 |
| 763 | Her goal now is, quote, total devotion to reality, end quote. | 她现在的目标是,引文, 完全致力于现实,最后引文。 |
| 764 | The feels asks participants to be in the moment together, | 感觉要求参与者在 此刻在一起, |
| 765 | paying attention to their bodies and their breathing. | 注意他们的身体和呼吸 |
| 766 | If romance follows, great. | 如果浪漫随之而来,伟大的。 |
| 767 | But she's often said | 但她经常说 |
| 768 | that the events aren't just about partnership. | 事件不只是关于伙伴关系。 |
| 769 | They're about connection, quote, embodiment, end quote. | 是关于连接,引文,化身,结尾引文. |
| 770 | The chance to, quote unquote, emote. | 机会,引用未引用, 爱。 |
| 771 | Hoffman acknowledges that this philosophy | 霍夫曼承认这个哲学 |
| 772 | is a tough sell for women who want kids, | 对想要孩子的女人来说 是个艰难的买卖 |
| 773 | especially those in their late 30s to early 40s. | 特别是那些在30到40年代后期。 |
| 774 | At feels events, that's the population that arrives | 在感觉事件, 这就是人口到达 |
| 775 | with the most palpable anxiety. | 和最明显的焦虑。 |
| 776 | Because so many men date down in age, she said, | 因为这么多男人约会 年龄下降,她说, |
| 777 | women in that bracket are left with a, quote, | 妇女被放在这个位置上, |
| 778 | portion of the portion, end quote, | 部分,最后引文, |
| 779 | of male prospects that is, quote unquote, | 男性的前景, 引文未引用, |
| 780 | excruciatingly small. | 令人惊叹小. |
| 781 | In my interviews too, baby longing | 在我的采访中,宝贝渴望 |
| 782 | was the great dividing line. | 是伟大的分界线。 |
| 783 | The aspiring parents tended to feel most stressed. | 有抱负的父母往往感到压力最大。 |
| 784 | I will confess now that I am among the ones with no chill. | 我现在承认,我是冷酷无情的人之一。 |
| 785 | After searching for nearly a decade, | 经过近十年的搜索, |
| 786 | I met someone at a wedding almost two years ago | 我两年前在婚礼上遇到一个人 |
| 787 | who made romance feel unexpectedly easy. | 他们让浪漫感觉很轻松 |
| 788 | We're a nine hour train ride apart, | 我们开9小时的火车 |
| 789 | 但我已经习惯了Amtrak Capri三明治 | |
| 790 | We said, quote, I love you, end quote, eight months in, | 我们说,引用,我爱你,结束引用, 8个月后, |
| 791 | which felt positively retro compared | 感觉比以前还好 |
| 792 | with my previous interminable | 与我之前无休止 |
| 793 | communication-free situationships. | 交流无阻情况。 |
| 794 | But he doesn't want kids, and I'm pretty sure I do. | 但他不想要孩子 我很确定我会的 |
| 795 | So here I am in my 30s | 我30多岁了 |
| 796 | in a long distance open relationship with him, | 与他保持远近的开放关系, |
| 797 | and somehow also back on the merry-go-round, | 不知何故 也回到了旋转的欢乐, |
| 798 | running straight from work to meet strangers | 直奔工作 遇到陌生人 |
| 799 | in bars across Brooklyn, | 在横跨布鲁克林的酒吧里 |
| 800 | prepared for another perfectly nice evening | 准备好迎接另一个美好的夜晚 |
| 801 | that will ultimately lead nowhere. | 这最终将无处可逃。 |
| 802 | Of course, people have kids without a partner all the time. | 当然,人们总是有没有伴侣的孩子. |
| 803 | In 2024, 40% of all babies in the U.S. | 2024年,全美所有婴儿的40%. |
| 804 | were born to unmarried women, eight times the share in 1960. | 出生于未婚妇女,是1960年的8倍。 |
| 805 | A growing number of men are deciding to become single dads. | 越来越多的男子决定成为单身父亲。 |
| 806 | Batia Novik,一个治疗师 与人合作 | |
| 807 | facing reproductive challenges, | 面对生殖挑战, |
| 808 | is seeing more single clients | 正在看到更多的单一客户端 |
| 809 | who want to discuss egg freezing or IVF. | 他们想讨论蛋冻或IVF。 |
| 810 | She hears so much about their romantic lives, | 她听到很多关于他们的浪漫生活, |
| 811 | or lack thereof, | 或没有, |
| 812 | that she's become a de facto dating coach. | 她成为了事实上的约会教练。 |
| 813 | Solo parenting, though, is rarely plan A. | 不过,独自为人父母很少是A计划. |
| 814 | Raising a kid without a teammate is difficult, | 抚养一个没有队友的孩子很困难 |
| 815 | expensive, and sometimes lonely. | 昂贵,有时寂寞。 |
| 816 | So some people are looking for creative plan Bs. | 所以有些人正在寻找创意计划B. |
| 817 | In 2011, Ivan Fatovic created a website called Maudamly | 2011年,伊万·法托维奇创建了一个名为Maudamly的网站. |
| 818 | for people in search of a partner, | 为人们寻找伴侣, |
| 819 | not necessarily a romantic one to have a child with. | 生孩子不一定是浪漫的 |
| 820 | Fatovic was 35 when he realized | 法托维奇意识到自己35岁 |
| 821 | that there might be demand for such a service. | 可能要求提供这种服务。 |
| 822 | His female friends were starting to worry | 他的女朋友开始担心了 |
| 823 | about their biological clocks, | 关于他们的生物钟, |
| 824 | and their dating lives weren't going anywhere. | 和他们的约会生活 没有去任何地方。 |
| 825 | Quote, maybe the person you have children with, end quote, | 引用,也许你有孩子的人, 结尾引用, |
| 826 | he said, quote, is not the person that you grow old with, | 他说, 引用, 不是你 变老的人, |
| 827 | end quote. | 结尾引用。 |
| 828 | Maudamly now has more than 120,000 users, | 莫达姆利现在有超过12万用户, |
| 829 | and it's led to more than 1,000 babies being born, | 它导致1000多个婴儿出生, |
| 830 | according to Fatovic. | 根据法托维奇的说法 |
| 831 | 通过Fatovic,我与Zachary Sayuki联系 | |
| 832 | and Amanda Loos, who have two children together from IVF | 和阿曼达·卢斯,他们有两个孩子 来自IVF |
| 833 | and are considering using their frozen embryos for a third. | 并正在考虑使用 冰冻胚胎三分之一。 |
| 834 | 当他们2019年在Maudamly见面时 | |
| 835 | they were both single and antsy to have kids. | 他们都单身 和蚂蚁有孩子。 |
| 836 | Loos was 40 and preparing to have a child on her own, | 卢斯40岁 准备自己生孩子 |
| 837 | but figured she'd give the site a shot. | 她想给网站一个机会 |
| 838 | After vetting each other for a few months, | 经过几个月的审查 |
| 839 | talking about God and ethics and parenting styles, | 谈论上帝 道德和养育的风格, |
| 840 | they decided they could work well as co-parents. | 他们决定自己能和父母一起工作 |
| 841 | They'd both been through some painful romantic experiences | 他们都经历了一些痛苦的浪漫经历 |
| 842 | and thought this way might be cleaner, | 以为这样比较干净 |
| 843 | avoiding the great rush of feelings | 避免感情的冲动 |
| 844 | and the disappointment when they fade. | 和他们消退时的失望。 |
| 845 | Sayuki hoped for what many of us consider | 铃木希望我们中很多人都这么想 |
| 846 | a second best case scenario. | 第二大情况。 |
| 847 | Quote, we'll be like a happily divorced couple, end quote. | 引用,我们会像一对快乐的离婚夫妇, 结尾引用。 |
| 848 | In that sense, their dream came true. | 从这个意义上讲,他们的梦想实现了。 |
| 849 | They've become close friends. | 他们成了好朋友 |
| 850 | With their two boys, they go on vacations, | 和他们的两个儿子, 他们去度假, |
| 851 | spend holidays together, | 一起过节, |
| 852 | and have the occasional family dinner. | 偶尔吃家宴 |
| 853 | Sayuki很感谢Loos的奉献 | |
| 854 | to the kids. | 给孩子们 |
| 855 | Loos is happy to have a co-parent at all, | 卢斯很高兴有一个共同的父母, |
| 856 | but especially someone so warm | 特别是这么温暖的人 |
| 857 | who has never made their situation feel awkward. | 从未让自己的处境变得尴尬 |
| 858 | Listening to them, I started imagining | 听他们说话,我开始想象 |
| 859 | that I too might find someone on Maudamly, | 我也会在莫达米里找到一个人 |
| 860 | but then I realized with a sinking feeling | 但后来我意识到 沉没的感觉 |
| 861 | 和Sayuki和Loos的设定一样不寻常 | |
| 862 | they still follow traditional gender roles. | 它们仍然遵循传统的性别角色。 |
| 863 | They reside on his 55-anchor ranch in Price, Texas, | 他们住在他位于德克萨斯州普莱斯的55号牧场 |
| 864 | but she and the kids live in a mobile home | 但她和孩子们住在一个流动家庭 |
| 865 | on the property. | 在地产。 |
| 866 | He travels constantly for work, | 他经常去上班 |
| 867 | and she balances childcare and a full-time teaching job. | 她兼顾育儿和全职教学工作。 |
| 868 | He's dated since they had kids, | 他从他们有孩子起就约会过 |
| 869 | but she rarely has the time. | 但她很少有时间。 |
| 870 | And although the women Sayuki has dated | 虽然小月已经约会过 |
| 871 | seem charmed by their unusual parenting arrangement, | 似乎被他们不寻常的育儿安排所吸引 |
| 872 | she told me the men she's met seem threatened by it. | 她告诉我,她遇到的男人 似乎受到威胁。 |
| 873 | Quote, there's just something that draws women to men | 引用一下,只是有些东西 吸引女人和男人 |
| 874 | who are actively involved in their kids' lives, | 他们积极参与他们的孩子的生活, |
| 875 | end quote, she said. | 她说,最后的引言。 |
| 876 | But, quote, a woman with two kids | 但是,引用一个女人 有两个孩子 |
| 877 | is more of a burden than a benefit, end quote. | 倒不如说是一种负担 而不是利益,最后引文。 |
| 878 | I felt like I'd burst through a new door | 我好像从一扇新门里闯出来 |
| 879 | only to find myself in the same room. | 只为发现自己在同一间屋子里 |
| 880 | We're living in a strange in-between time. | 我们生活在一个奇怪的时间间隔。 |
| 881 | Women have gained enough agency to work outside the home, | 妇女已经获得了足够的代理 外出工作, |
| 882 | but many still lack equality within it. | 但许多人仍然缺乏平等。 |
| 883 | Men could benefit from a new set of gender norms, | 男子可以受益于一套新的性别规范, |
| 884 | but much of American culture embraces the old ones. | 但大部分美国文化都拥抱旧文化 |
| 885 | People can do without romance, | 人们可以做没有浪漫, |
| 886 | but what are they replacing it with? | 但他们用什么代替它? |
| 887 | 人类学家Dina Hanifert的担心, | |
| 888 | after seeing women around the globe, quote, unquote, | 在看到全球各地的女人后, 引用、引用、引用 |
| 889 | opt out in different ways, | 选择退出的方式不同, |
| 890 | is that single Americans are encouraged | 是鼓励单身美国人 |
| 891 | to find meaning in professional gain, | 在职业收益中找到意义, |
| 892 | wellness and self-actualization, | 健康和自我实现, |
| 893 | individual pursuits rather than collective ones. | 个人追求而不是集体追求。 |
| 894 | In the past decade or so, | 在过去十年左右, |
| 895 | happiness rates have declined precipitously | 幸福率急剧下降 |
| 896 | for unmarried adults, regardless of education level, | 未婚成年人,无论受教育程度如何, |
| 897 | much more so than for those who are married, | 比结婚的人要多得多 |
| 898 | Yefeng Wan, a researcher at the University of Virginia, | 弗吉尼亚大学研究员叶丰万 |
| 899 | has found. | 已经找到。 |
| 900 | In that sense, singlehood is getting harder, | 从这个意义上说 单身越来越难了 |
| 901 | even as it's less stigmatized. | 即使它没有那么丑化。 |
| 902 | Perhaps that's because faith groups, civic organizations, | 也许这是因为信仰团体,公民组织, |
| 903 | and other communities play a less central role | 其他社区的作用不那么重要。 |
| 904 | in American life than they once did. | 在美国的生活里 比以前更糟糕 |
| 905 | These networks used to buffer against isolation | 这些网络用来缓冲隔离 |
| 906 | and economic displacement, | 经济流离失所, |
| 907 | the thorns of modern life | 现代生活的荆棘 |
| 908 | that make partnership more valuable, | 使伙伴关系更加宝贵, |
| 909 | yet love more difficult to find. | 但爱更难找 |
| 910 | One of the things that makes us human, | 成为人类的东西之一, |
| 911 | the anthropologist Joanna Davidson told me, | 人类学家乔安娜·戴维森告诉我, |
| 912 | is that we can envision alternative futures. | 我们可以设想其他的未来 |
| 913 | But first, we must look frankly at the present. | 但首先,我们必须坦率地看待目前的情况。 |
| 914 | The women she and Hanifert featured in opting out | 她和哈尼费特选择退出的女人 |
| 915 | weren't part of an orchestrated revolution against marriage. | 不是一场反对婚姻的革命的一部分 |
| 916 | Most of them still valued romance. | 他们大多还珍视浪漫 |
| 917 | They didn't experience singlehood | 他们没有经历单身 |
| 918 | as, quote, unquote, unequivocally liberating, | 如,引用,引用,明确解放, |
| 919 | the authors wrote. | 提交人写道。 |
| 920 | They simply made choices within their given constraints. | 他们只是根据自己的限制作出选择。 |
| 921 | This was Ali Hoffman's credo in a way, | 这是阿里・霍夫曼的信条 |
| 922 | quote, total devotion to reality, end quote. | 引用 完全致力于现实 结尾引用 |
| 923 | Yet when enough people veer from tradition, | 然而,当足够的人从传统, |
| 924 | if only to inch their own life forward, | 只要能把自己的生命注入未来 |
| 925 | a social movement begins. | 一个社会运动开始。 |
| 926 | I'm not sure where this one is leading us, | 我不确定这个能带我们去哪 |
| 927 | but I feel hopeful when I think back to my first interview | 但我觉得有希望 当我回想我的第一次采访 |
| 928 | with Chris Swatako, the singles minister. | 和克里斯·斯瓦塔科,单身部长。 |
| 929 | Quote, Jesus was single, end quote, | 引用,耶稣是单身, 结尾引用, |
| 930 | she likes to remind congregants. | 她喜欢提醒聚会者。 |
| 931 | In her 20s, she said she'd hopped | 20多岁的时候 她说她跳了 |
| 932 | from boyfriend to boyfriend. | 从男朋友到男朋友。 |
| 933 | She was in debt, drinking and partying | 她债台高筑,酗酒和狂欢 |
| 934 | to try to fill, quote, unquote, the well, | 试图填补,引用,未引用,井, |
| 935 | the empty place within her. | 她内心的空虚 |
| 936 | Her parents' church didn't have any single members | 她父母的教会没有成员 |
| 937 | around her age. | 在她的年龄。 |
| 938 | But then she learned about a group called | 但后来她得知一个叫 |
| 939 | Singles Offering Life to Others, or SOLO, | 单身者为他人提供生活,或SOLO, |
| 940 | and that's where she found her sense of purpose. | 这就是她找到她的目的感的地方。 |
| 941 | Now, she tours the country, teaching church leaders | 现在,她巡游全国,教教会领袖 |
| 942 | who are mostly married fathers, | 他们大多是已婚的父亲, |
| 943 | how to engage the growing number of single people | 如何吸引越来越多的单身人士参与 |
| 944 | they need to fill their pews. | 他们需要填满他们的皮料。 |
| 945 | Quote, I do this, end quote, she said. | 引用,我这样做, 结尾引用,她说。 |
| 946 | Quote, because I see me everywhere out there, end quote. | 引用,因为我看到 我到处在那里,结束引用。 |
| 947 | I found it curious, though, that despite living | 但我觉得好奇的是,尽管生活 |
| 948 | such a rich, full life as a single person, | 如此富足,充实的生活 作为一个单一的人, |
| 949 | she urges congregants not to give up on romance. | 她劝大家不要放弃浪漫 |
| 950 | So I asked about the discrepancy. | 所以我问了一下差异 |
| 951 | Swatako still believes in the beauty of partnership, | Swatako仍然相信合作的美丽 |
| 952 | she said, but she doesn't think that she'll find it | 她说,但她不认为 她会找到它 |
| 953 | anytime soon, and she's content with what's in front of her. | 任何时间,她都满足于她面前的东西。 |
| 954 | She talks with single friends sometimes, half joking, | 她有时会和单身朋友说话 开玩笑 |
| 955 | half serious, about buying tiny homes, | 一半严重, 关于买小房子, |
| 956 | parking them somewhere, and making a DIY retirement village. | 把他们停在某个地方 做个DIY退休村 |
| 957 | Each night, they would gather around a fire pit, | 每天晚上,他们都会聚集在一个火坑周围, |
| 958 | cook dinner, and talk about their day. | 煮饭,谈谈他们的一天。 |
| 959 | It's a tribute to reality, and also an exercise | 这是对现实的纪念 也是对现实的锻炼 |
| 960 | in imagination, sounds pretty romantic to me. | 在想象中,听起来很浪漫 |
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