耶鲁情商中心创始主任用25年研究成果告诉你：如何与情绪友好相
字幕摘录
| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 0:04 | Good morning and good evening, everyone. | 大家早上好,晚上好,谢谢 |
| 0:08 | Welcome to this Yale Center Beijing event. | 欢迎来到耶鲁中心北京活动 |
| 0:12 | I'm Carol Lee Rafferty, Executive Director of the Center. | 我是卡罗尔·李·拉费蒂 中心执行主任 |
| 0:16 | And today I'm just so delighted to welcome our speaker, | 今天我很高兴欢迎我们的演讲人 |
| 0:21 | Dr. Mark Brackett, our partners at the Yale Club of Hong Kong, | 我们香港耶鲁俱乐部的合伙人马克·布莱克特博士 |
| 0:27 | as well as we would also like to thank the publisher, | 我们还感谢出版商, |
| 0:31 | Mo Tie Tu Shu, Ziran publisher, | 莫铁图舒,齐兰出版社, |
| 0:34 | for gifting five books for some of our participants | 给我们一些参与者赠送五本书 |
| 0:39 | who have pre-submitted questions for this wonderful event. | 他们已经为这次盛事预先提交了问题。 |
| 0:45 | For those of you who are new to Yale Center Beijing, | 你们这些新到北京耶鲁中心的人 |
展开字幕全文（1175 条）
| 序号 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Good morning and good evening, everyone. | 大家早上好,晚上好,谢谢 |
| 2 | Welcome to this Yale Center Beijing event. | 欢迎来到耶鲁中心北京活动 |
| 3 | I'm Carol Lee Rafferty, Executive Director of the Center. | 我是卡罗尔·李·拉费蒂 中心执行主任 |
| 4 | And today I'm just so delighted to welcome our speaker, | 今天我很高兴欢迎我们的演讲人 |
| 5 | Dr. Mark Brackett, our partners at the Yale Club of Hong Kong, | 我们香港耶鲁俱乐部的合伙人马克·布莱克特博士 |
| 6 | as well as we would also like to thank the publisher, | 我们还感谢出版商, |
| 7 | Mo Tie Tu Shu, Ziran publisher, | 莫铁图舒,齐兰出版社, |
| 8 | for gifting five books for some of our participants | 给我们一些参与者赠送五本书 |
| 9 | who have pre-submitted questions for this wonderful event. | 他们已经为这次盛事预先提交了问题。 |
| 10 | For those of you who are new to Yale Center Beijing, | 你们这些新到北京耶鲁中心的人 |
| 11 | the Yale Center Beijing | 北京耶鲁中心 |
| 12 | is Yale University's home in China. | 是耶鲁大学在中国的故乡 |
| 13 | It was founded in 2014 | 它成立于2014年 |
| 14 | and is Yale University's only university-wide center | 也是耶鲁大学唯一的大学中心 |
| 15 | outside of its US campus. | 在美国校园外 |
| 16 | Throughout the year, we host many events | 全年,我们主办许多活动 |
| 17 | such as these, convening thought leaders | 例如,召集思想领袖 |
| 18 | from arts, culture, business, government, technology, | 从艺术、文化、商业、政府、技术、 |
| 19 | sciences, you name it, | 科学,你说的 |
| 20 | on the most important topics facing our world. | 我们的世界所面临的最重要的议题。 |
| 21 | I am just so excited and delighted | 我太兴奋和高兴了 |
| 22 | to be able to invite Mark today | 今天能邀请马克 |
| 23 | because he is certainly someone | 因为他确是一个凡人, |
| 24 | whom we have tried to invite since our very first day. | 我们从第一天起就想邀请他们 |
| 25 | And what better occasion for us to be able to invite him | 还有什么更好的机会让我们能邀请他 |
| 26 | upon the publication of the Chinese version of his book, | 他的书中文版出版后 |
| 27 | permission to feel, unlocking the power of emotions | 释放情感的力量 |
| 28 | to help our kids, ourselves, and our society to thrive. | 帮助我们的孩子,我们自己, 我们的社会繁荣。 |
| 29 | And without further ado, Mark, please start. | 别再说了,马克,请开始 |
| 30 | Well, I know it's my morning | 嗯,我知道这是我的早晨 |
| 31 | for here in Connecticut in the United States, | 在美国康涅狄格 |
| 32 | and I think it's probably your evening over in China. | 我想这可能是你晚上在中国。 |
| 33 | So thank you for staying up late to hear me speak | 所以谢谢你熬夜听我说话 |
| 34 | and to talk about my book. | 谈谈我的书 |
| 35 | I'm grateful to Carol for hosting | 感谢卡罗尔的主持 |
| 36 | and to the Yale Hong Kong Center. | 还有耶鲁香港中心 |
| 37 | And also just want to thank Neil Shen and Leon Meng, | 还想感谢尼尔·沈和里昂·孟 |
| 38 | who have been just avid supporters of our center | 他们只是我们中心的积极支持者 |
| 39 | and really helping us bring the work to China. | 帮助我们把工作带到中国 |
| 40 | So today I'll be focusing on kind of the big picture | 所以今天我将集中关注大局 |
| 41 | of my book, permission to feel. | 在我的书,允许感受。 |
| 42 | But I will also talk a little bit about RULER, | 但我也要谈谈卢拉 |
| 43 | which is the approach to teaching social and emotional, | 这是教导社会和情感的方法, |
| 44 | or emotional intelligence that we are now in the United States, | 或者我们在美国的情感情报 |
| 45 | we have worked with 4,000 schools across the country, | 我们与全国4000所学校合作, |
| 46 | and we are soon to bring this work in a deeper way | 我们很快就会更深入地完成这项工作 |
| 47 | across China and Hong Kong and other places in Asia. | 分布于中国以及亚洲的香港等地. |
| 48 | So anyway, lots going on and excited to be here. | 所以,无论如何,很多事情 和兴奋在这里。 |
| 49 | And now that I'm gonna be in my little lecture mode, | 现在我要进入我的演讲模式了 |
| 50 | I'm gonna put my PowerPoint up. | 我要把我的电源点。 |
| 51 | So you might be wondering, | 所以你可能会想知道, |
| 52 | why would I call my book permission to feel? | 我为什么要叫我的书授权来感受呢? |
| 53 | And I'll be honest with you, | 老实说 |
| 54 | it was a title that was a little controversial | 是一个有点有争议的标题 |
| 55 | in terms of getting it published. | 在出版方面。 |
| 56 | You see a man like Neil Shen, | 你看到一个男人 像尼尔·沈, |
| 57 | who is a very prominent business person | 他是一个非常显赫的商人 |
| 58 | and your imagination, he's sitting on an airplane, | 还有你的想象力 他坐在飞机上 |
| 59 | is he gonna be reading a book called permission to feel? | 他会读一本书吗? |
| 60 | That's a little provocative for a high level business person | 这对一个高级的商人有点挑衅 |
| 61 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}读一本有这个标题的书 | |
| 62 | And a lot of people gave me pushback, | 很多人给我回击, |
| 63 | they said, call it emotional intelligence for leaders, | 他们说, 把它叫做情感智能 对于领导人, |
| 64 | emotional intelligent management. | 情感智能管理. |
| 65 | And I said, no, we're gonna call it permission to feel. | 我说,不,我们称之为 允许的感觉。 |
| 66 | And permission to feel like it's vulnerable, | 并允许感觉自己很脆弱, |
| 67 | it makes people a little uncomfortable. | 这让人有点不舒服。 |
| 68 | And I said, well, maybe that's the idea. | 我说,也许这就是这个想法。 |
| 69 | Maybe we have come to a time in society | 也许我们到了一个社会时代 |
| 70 | where we just have to really acknowledge | 我们只要真正承认 |
| 71 | that we need to give ourselves | 我们需要给自己 |
| 72 | and we need to give everybody we care about | 我们需要给每个人 我们关心 |
| 73 | the permission to feel. | 感觉的许可。 |
| 74 | So on that note, we're gonna jump right in. | 所以说,我们要跳进去。 |
| 75 | So I always give people resources, | 所以我总是给人资源 |
| 76 | that's my website, social media sites, | 那是我的网站 社交媒体网站 |
| 77 | and that's where you can learn more about ruler. | 在那里你可以更多地了解统治者。 |
| 78 | And I will show you more about how you can learn | 我会告诉你更多关于你如何学习 |
| 79 | about ruler in China in a little bit. | 关于中国的统治者 一点点。 |
| 80 | So that's my only subtitle in Chinese, | 这是我唯一一个中文字幕 |
| 81 | I hope I got it right. | 我希望我猜对了 |
| 82 | And it says, how are you feeling? | 上面写着,你感觉怎么样? |
| 83 | So that is the mood meter, | 这就是情绪表, |
| 84 | and that is a tool that is central | 而这是一个核心工具 |
| 85 | to our work on emotional intelligence. | 我们的情感智能工作。 |
| 86 | Now, I'm gonna ask all of you a question. | 现在,我要问大家一个问题。 |
| 87 | How are you feeling? | 你感觉怎么样? |
| 88 | Carol, let me bring you back on camera for a minute. | 卡罗尔,让我带你 回到摄像头一分钟。 |
| 89 | So Carol, how are you feeling today? | 卡罗尔,你今天感觉如何? |
| 90 | I'm feeling energized and excited. | 我感到兴奋和兴奋。 |
| 91 | Nice, now ask me how I'm feeling. | 很好,现在问我感觉如何。 |
| 92 | How are you feeling, Mark? | 你感觉怎么样,马克? |
| 93 | Well, honestly, as I told you earlier, | 老实说 正如我之前告诉你的 |
| 94 | 我在我10天后COVID。 | |
| 95 | I'm excited to be here, | 我很高兴能来 |
| 96 | but I'm also really tired | 我也很累,我还很累 |
| 97 | and I'm frustrated about a few things in my life. | 我对生活中的一些事情感到沮丧。 |
| 98 | I'm also overwhelmed and anxious | 我也心烦意乱 |
| 99 | and feeling a little hopeless. | 感觉有点绝望。 |
| 100 | Thank you for giving us that wonderful texture. | 谢谢你给我们那美妙的纹理 |
| 101 | And you see how Carol's facial expression was like, | 你看卡罗尔的面部表情 |
| 102 | wait a minute, just say fine, good, so we can move on. | 等一下,说好,好,这样我们就可以继续了 |
| 103 | Wonderful texture. | 纹理真好 |
| 104 | Yeah, there you go, I love that phrase actually, wonderful. | 是啊,你去那里, 我喜欢这个短语,实际上,真棒。 |
| 105 | So I'm curious for everybody who is here | 所以我对这里的每一个人都很好奇 |
| 106 | 与我今天在这个 webinar, | |
| 107 | how often do we actually tell people how we really feel? | 我们多久能告诉别人我们的感受? |
| 108 | Or do we kind of put on a face and just say, | 或者我们把脸 并只是说, |
| 109 | good afternoon, everyone, my name is Mark. | 下午好,各位,我叫马克 |
| 110 | I'm feeling great. | 我感觉很好。 |
| 111 | Or we don't even say anything at all. | 或者我们甚至不说什么。 |
| 112 | What do you think about that? | 你觉得怎么样? |
| 113 | I'm just curious, are we authentic in general | 我只是好奇,我们是真正的普通人 |
| 114 | when we go to work and people say, how are you feeling? | 当我们去工作 人们说,你感觉如何? |
| 115 | Did we say the truth or did we just say fine, good? | 我们说的是实话 还是我们刚才说的很好? |
| 116 | Okay, part of being emotionally intelligent | 好吧,部分的情感聪明 |
| 117 | is getting comfortable with being your true self. | 变得很自在 成为你真正的自己。 |
| 118 | Now, I'm also aware that I'm giving a speech in China | 现在,我也知道我要在中国发表演讲 |
| 119 | and that the rules in China are slightly different | 而中国的规矩稍有不同 |
| 120 | than the rules here in the United States | 比美国的规则 |
| 121 | around discussing emotions, | 讨论情绪, |
| 122 | around which emotions are appropriate in the workplace, | 在工作场所的情绪是适宜的, |
| 123 | appropriate to share with your partner | 适合与伴侣分享 |
| 124 | or a parent appropriate with your family. | 或者一个适合你家人的父母 |
| 125 | And so we'll take that and we'll kind of integrate that | 所以,我们拿它,我们会 一种整合 |
| 126 | into my presentation a little bit. | 我的发言有一点。 |
| 127 | Now, on the moon meter, it says pleasantness on the bottom | 现在,在月表上, 它说舒适的底部 |
| 128 | and energy on the side. | 和能量在侧面。 |
| 129 | All of our emotions have this kind of content. | 我们所有的情感都有这种内容。 |
| 130 | When we wake up in the morning, we're having feelings. | 当我们早上醒来的时候,我们有感觉。 |
| 131 | Think about it. | 考虑一下 |
| 132 | How many have ever woken up and thought to yourself, | 有多少人醒来想着自己 |
| 133 | yes, today's gonna be a great day. | 是的,今天会是一个伟大的一天。 |
| 134 | Or you woke up and you're like, | 或者你醒来,你喜欢, |
| 135 | I don't really feel like getting out of bed today. | 我今天真的不想下床了,我不喜欢 |
| 136 | I don't really feel like going to work today. | 我真的不想 今天去工作。 |
| 137 | We all have those feelings. | 我们都有这种感觉。 |
| 138 | Some days we feel very energized. | 有些时候我们感到很兴奋 |
| 139 | Some days we just feel really tired. | 有时候我们只是觉得很累 |
| 140 | So that's the moon meter. | 这就是月表 |
| 141 | We have yellow, red, blue and green. | 我们有黄色,红色,蓝色和绿色。 |
| 142 | So I'm gonna ask all of you to think about | 所以我要请大家考虑一下 |
| 143 | which color you're in today. | 今天的颜色 |
| 144 | Are you in the yellow, red, blue or green? | 你是在黄色,红色,蓝色还是绿色? |
| 145 | And if you're comfortable, | 如果你觉得舒服的话, |
| 146 | I'd like all of you to just put it into the chat. | 我希望你们大家把它放进聊天室 |
| 147 | What is your emotion color this morning or this evening? | 你今天早上或今晚的情感颜色是什么? |
| 148 | We got greens, a little bit of red, light green, green, | 我们有绿色,一点点 红色,浅绿色,绿色, |
| 149 | little blue, light blue, yellow. | 小蓝,浅蓝,黄色. |
| 150 | So we've got the full range right here. | 所以我们有全程就在这里。 |
| 151 | A lot of greens, a lot of people feeling | 很多绿色,很多人感觉 |
| 152 | kind of in that Zen green place. | 那种在禅绿的地方。 |
| 153 | I'm gonna ask all of you now to convert your feeling | 我现在要请你们所有人改变你的感觉 |
| 154 | to a specific word. | 具体到一个字。 |
| 155 | No longer can you speak in color. | 你不能再用颜色说话了 |
| 156 | You must speak with feeling words. | 你说话必须有感觉 |
| 157 | Let's go everybody, three seconds. | 大家走 三秒钟 |
| 158 | Two, what is your word? | 二,你说什么? |
| 159 | Motivated, tired, calmly stressed. | 有动机,很疲倦,很冷静 |
| 160 | That's a nice combo. | 这组合不错 |
| 161 | Grounded, happy, energized, melancholic, chill, peaceful. | 地盘 快乐 充满活力 忧郁 寒冷 平静 |
| 162 | Cozy, that's nice. | 舒适,这是很好的。 |
| 163 | Are you in bed with your covers on? | 你在床上戴着被子吗? |
| 164 | Passionate, tired. | 激情,疲劳. |
| 165 | So think about this. | 想想这个 |
| 166 | Every workplace has employees. | 每个工作场所都有雇员。 |
| 167 | Every school has teachers and children. | 每所学校都有教师和儿童。 |
| 168 | Right now I'm your teacher | 现在我是你的老师 |
| 169 | and I've got all of you as my students. | 你们都是我的学生 |
| 170 | And I have a group of students who are happy, | 我有一群学生很快乐 |
| 171 | annoyed, hopeful, tired. | 烦恼 充满希望 疲倦 |
| 172 | That's a lot, don't you think? | 太多了,你觉得呢? |
| 173 | It's a lot to deal with as a parent. | 以父母为事多. |
| 174 | It's a lot to deal with as a boss. | 以头目治之甚多. |
| 175 | It's a lot to deal with as an educator or teacher. | 作为教育家或教师,处理的很多. |
| 176 | So the question is, well, | 所以问题是,嗯, |
| 177 | what do we do with all these feelings? | 我们怎么处理这些感情? |
| 178 | Do we just ignore them? | 难道我们只是忽略他们? |
| 179 | Or do we learn how to use them wisely? | 还是我们学会如何明智地使用它们? |
| 180 | Now, that leads to another big question, | 现在,这导致另一个大问题, |
| 181 | which is what's your strategy? | 你的战略是什么? |
| 182 | So we're gonna be here for an hour or so. | 所以我们要在这里待一个小时左右。 |
| 183 | I'll be talking and then we'll do a Q&A. | 我会说话 然后我们做一个QQA。 |
| 184 | If you get distracted, | 如果你分心的话, |
| 185 | what's gonna be your strategy for being present? | 你在场的策略是什么? |
| 186 | If you're tired, what are you gonna do to energize yourself? | 如果你累了,你会怎么做 给自己注入活力? |
| 187 | If you're annoyed, can you even deal with that right now? | 如果你生气,你甚至可以处理 现在呢? |
| 188 | So everyone, I'm gonna ask you carefully | ┮產и璶拜 |
| 189 | to think about your personal emotion regulation strategy. | 想想你的情绪调节策略 |
| 190 | If you get distracted or tired, | 如果你变得分心或疲惫, |
| 191 | this is stressful, right? | 压力很大,对吧? |
| 192 | Cause you're leading this whole thing. | 因为你领导着整件事 |
| 193 | What's your strategy to stay focused | 你的策略是什么 保持专注 |
| 194 | and get the most out of it? | 和得到最 出来? |
| 195 | It's interesting. | 这很有趣。 |
| 196 | I try to snap out of it in a way. | 我试图以某种方式摆脱它。 |
| 197 | So I try to do something different. | 所以我尝试做一些不同的事情。 |
| 198 | If I'm sitting, I'll try to stand | 如果我坐着,我会试着站着 |
| 199 | and maybe do a jumping jack or two. | 也许跳一两个J。 |
| 200 | If I'm standing, I would try to do something else. | 如果我站着,我会试着做别的事。 |
| 201 | I would try to do something different | 我会尝试做一些不同的事情 |
| 202 | to get out of the funk, I guess. | 我想是想离开这鬼地方 |
| 203 | But you can't, you're gonna do jumping jacks | 但你不能,你会跳J |
| 204 | during my presentation? | 在我介绍期间? |
| 205 | That's a good point. | 说得有道理. |
| 206 | So I wanna strategy for now, like here, like, right? | 所以,我想现在的策略, 像这里,喜欢,对不对? |
| 207 | If you're alone in your office, who cares? | 如果你一个人在办公室 谁在乎呢? |
| 208 | You can go do your jumping jacks, right? | 你可以去做你的跳跃J,对不对? |
| 209 | Right. | 对 |
| 210 | You could do that. | 你可以做到这一点。 |
| 211 | This is a strategy here. | 这是一个策略。 |
| 212 | People are thinking, somebody's going for therapy | 人们在想,有人去治疗 |
| 213 | during my presentation. | 在我发言时 |
| 214 | Go for it. | 来啊 |
| 215 | I mean, I cheated. | 我是说 我作弊了 |
| 216 | I've read your book. | 我读过你的书 |
| 217 | So, you know, and I try to do it. | 所以,你知道,我试图做到这一点。 |
| 218 | I may not do it every single time, | 我可能不是每次都这样 |
| 219 | but I try to note what I'm feeling. | 但我试着注意到我的感受 |
| 220 | Just, you know, I'm frustrated. | 只是,你知道,我很沮丧。 |
| 221 | You know, something else is on my mind. | 你知道,我心里有别的事 |
| 222 | And actually note it and acknowledge that. | 并承认这一点。 |
| 223 | Nice. | 不错 |
| 224 | That takes a lot of time though, right? | 那需要很多时间,对吧? |
| 225 | It's effortful. | 功德无量. |
| 226 | You gotta like... | 你一定喜欢... |
| 227 | Absolutely. | 当然 |
| 228 | You know, and most of us, especially people | 你知道,我们大多数人,尤其是人 |
| 229 | who have jobs like yours, you're busy, | 像你这样有工作的人 你很忙 |
| 230 | you know, running around, leading. | 你知道,到处跑,领导。 |
| 231 | It's like, do we really stop to take a minute | 这就像,我们真的停下来 一分钟 |
| 232 | and take a deep breath and say, | 深呼吸说 |
| 233 | how am I feeling? | 我感觉怎么样? |
| 234 | What's my strategy to help me manage my feeling? | 我有什么策略来帮助我控制我的感受? |
| 235 | I don't think most people do that. | 我不认为大多数人这样做。 |
| 236 | But guess what? | 但你知道吗? |
| 237 | Now there's a book called Permission to Feel in Chinese. | 现著有"中国语的感受授权"一书. |
| 238 | And so we're gonna make some changes | 所以我们要做出一些改变 |
| 239 | if people are open to those changes. | 如果人们愿意接受这些变化。 |
| 240 | So Karen's gonna deny and suppress our feelings. | 凯伦会否认和压制我们的感情 |
| 241 | All right, we gotta work on that. | 好吧,我们得努力。 |
| 242 | We wanna not deny or suppress our feelings, | 我们不想否认或压制我们的感情, |
| 243 | but focus on the happy present. | 专注在幸福的现世。 |
| 244 | That's nice too. | 这也不错。 |
| 245 | So ruler is a set of skills. | 因此统治者是一套技能. |
| 246 | And what I've done just now | 我刚刚所做的 |
| 247 | is kind of brought you through a little bit of ruler | 有点牵扯到你了 |
| 248 | by being aware of your feelings | 通过了解你的感受 |
| 249 | and then figuring out what to do with those feelings. | 然后想出怎么处理这些感情 |
| 250 | This is the cheat sheet in English. | 这是英语的欺骗表。 |
| 251 | And I'm sure you get the cheat sheet in Chinese. | 我敢肯定,你得到了 欺骗表中文。 |
| 252 | I also just wanted to share with you | 我还想跟你分享 |
| 253 | something very exciting. | 非常令人兴奋的东西 |
| 254 | Of course, my throat has been fine. | 当然 我的喉咙很好 |
| 255 | Now all of a sudden it's clogged. | 现在突然被堵住了 |
| 256 | We, during the pandemic, | 我们,在疫情期间, |
| 257 | I had the opportunity to work with the founder | 我有机会和创始人合作 |
| 258 | and CEO of Pinterest. | 还有普利奇的首席执行官 |
| 259 | All of you have probably heard of the company Pinterest | 你们可能都听说过普利士公司 |
| 260 | to co-create a new app that's available for free. | 共同创建免费的新应用程序。 |
| 261 | And it's called How We Feel. | 这叫"我们的感觉" |
| 262 | And it takes the principles in my book | 这需要我书中的原则 |
| 263 | and makes them available on an app in a simple way. | 用简单的方式在应用程序上提供 |
| 264 | So you've got the mood meter there. | 所以,你有 情绪表在那里。 |
| 265 | You can tag your feelings for, | 你可以标注你的感受, |
| 266 | are you feeling where you are, | 你觉得你在哪里, |
| 267 | who you're with and what you're doing. | 你和谁在一起,你在做什么。 |
| 268 | So who you're with, where you're at, | 那么,你和谁在一起, 你在哪里, |
| 269 | and what you're doing. | 还有你在做什么。 |
| 270 | And you tag the feelings for that | 你将感情贴上标签 |
| 271 | because then you can get a report to let you know | 因为这样你就可以得到一个报告 让你知道 |
| 272 | you've been feeling this color, these words, | 你一直感觉到这种颜色, 这些词, |
| 273 | with these people, excuse me, | 和这些人,对不起, |
| 274 | with these people and this location | 这些人和这个地方 |
| 275 | so that you get insights around how you can | 这样你就能领悟到自己如何 |
| 276 | maybe shift your feelings or better manage your feelings | 也许改变你的感受 或者更好地处理你的感受 |
| 277 | or just become more self-aware. | 或者变得更自觉 |
| 278 | It also has program 36 research-based strategies | 它还制定了36项基于研究的战略 |
| 279 | to help you regulate your feelings. | 帮助你调节你的感受。 |
| 280 | So there's videos and scripts. | 因此有视频和剧本. |
| 281 | So it is free, available on iPhone only right now. | 所以现在只有iPhone可以免费使用。 |
| 282 | But over the next six months, | 但在接下来的六个月里 |
| 283 | we already have hired contractors | 我们已经聘请了承包商 |
| 284 | to put it on Android and other platforms. | 放在Android和其他平台上 |
| 285 | And it will be translated into many languages as well. | 它也将被翻译成多种语言。 |
| 286 | So very excited about this. | 非常兴奋。 |
| 287 | The design I think just is beautiful. | 我认为这个设计很好看 |
| 288 | And so if you'd like to try it, | 如果你愿意试试看 |
| 289 | just go ahead and download it. | 继续下载 |
| 290 | So getting back to the real nuts and bolts | 所以回到真正的坚果和螺栓 |
| 291 | of today's presentation. | 今天的介绍。 |
| 292 | You know, it's interesting. | 你知道,这很有趣。 |
| 293 | When I meet high-level business people | 当我遇到高级商人时 |
| 294 | or educators in schools, principals in schools, | 或学校教育工作者、学校校长; |
| 295 | when you hear the term emotional intelligence, | 当你听到情绪智能这个词 |
| 296 | most people think charisma. | 大多数人认为魅力。 |
| 297 | They think transformational leadership skills | 他们认为转变型的领导技能 |
| 298 | like that leader who gets up in front of the room | 就像那个站在房间前面的领袖 |
| 299 | and, you know, has that energy. | 而且,你知道,有这种能量。 |
| 300 | And I'm here to tell you that that's only a little bit | 我来告诉你,这只是一点点 |
| 301 | of peace of emotional intelligence. | 平静的情感智慧。 |
| 302 | And part of the reason why I called my book, | 这也是我为什么叫书的原因之一 |
| 303 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我感觉不到 | |
| 304 | like people had permission to feel. | 就像人们有 允许的感觉。 |
| 305 | That we have to suppress our feelings, | 我们必须抑制我们的感情, |
| 306 | deny our feelings, go through life, putting on a face. | 否认我们的感情, 经历生活, 脸。 |
| 307 | And I know from research that's not healthy. | 我从研究中知道,这是不健康的。 |
| 308 | You know, it doesn't lead to wellbeing. | 你知道,这不会带来福利。 |
| 309 | It doesn't lead to the best relationships | 它没有导致最好的关系 |
| 310 | to the best decisions. | 给最好的决定。 |
| 311 | So permission to feel. | 所以,允许感受。 |
| 312 | Now, Carol knows, because she's read my book, | 现在,卡罗尔知道, 因为她读了我的书, |
| 313 | that in my book, I share my own personal story. | 在我的书中,我分享我自己的故事。 |
| 314 | And I'm gonna be, I just wanna be very honest about that. | 而我会是, 我只是想非常诚实地对此。 |
| 315 | I am 53 years old in two weeks. | 我两周后就53岁了 |
| 316 | And when I was 48 years old and 49 years old writing my book, | 当我48岁49岁写书的时候 |
| 317 | I had to make a choice about whether I was gonna be honest | 我不得不做一个选择 我是否要诚实 |
| 318 | about my motivation. | 关于我的动机。 |
| 319 | And most of the time when people say, | 大部分时候人们说, |
| 320 | Mark, why are you so passionate about your work? | 马克,你为什么这么热衷于你的工作? |
| 321 | I would say, well, I didn't like school. | 我会说,嗯, 我不喜欢上学。 |
| 322 | You know, I was bullied and that would leave it there. | 你知道,我被欺负了,那会留在那里。 |
| 323 | But the truth is I had a quite difficult childhood | 但事实是,我有一个相当困难的童年 |
| 324 | that involved abuse, unfortunately. | 不幸的是,这涉及到虐待。 |
| 325 | And I didn't really have any place to go to deal | 我真的没有地方去交易 |
| 326 | with what was happening to me. | 与发生在我身上。 |
| 327 | I have two parents who love me, | 我有两个父母爱我, |
| 328 | but my mother had a lot of anxiety | 但我妈妈很焦虑 |
| 329 | and my father just wanted me to be a tough man. | 我父亲只是想让我成为一个坚强的人 |
| 330 | And so I learned very early. | 所以我很早就学会了 |
| 331 | I don't think I can tell them what's happening. | 我想我不能告诉他们发生了什么 |
| 332 | I can't tell them how I'm feeling | 我不能告诉他们我的感受 |
| 333 | because I'm not sure they're gonna listen or help me. | 因为我不确定他们会听我的或帮助我 |
| 334 | But then one day when I was 11 years old, | 但有一天,当我11岁, |
| 335 | I had the honor and privilege of being with my uncle | 我有幸和我叔叔在一起 |
| 336 | who was a teacher. | 他是一个老师。 |
| 337 | And he noticed something in my facial expression, | 他注意到我脸上的表情 |
| 338 | in my body language, in my vocal tone | 在我的身体语言,在我的声调 |
| 339 | that he knew something was not going so right. | 他知道事情不对劲 |
| 340 | And he was the first adult that ever said to me, | 他是第一个对我说 |
| 341 | hey, Mark, how are you feeling? | 嘿,马克,你感觉如何? |
| 342 | Really, how are you feeling? | 真的,你感觉怎么样? |
| 343 | And in that moment, I decided to share what was happening | 那一刻,我决定分享正在发生的事情 |
| 344 | and my pain and my fear and my anger. | 我的痛苦,我的恐惧,我的愤怒。 |
| 345 | And he just looked at me and he goes, | 他看着我,他走了, |
| 346 | we're gonna get through this together. | 我们一起度过难关 |
| 347 | And so I credit my uncle with being the adult | 所以,我赞扬我叔叔是成年人 |
| 348 | who gave me that permission to feel. | 他让我有这种感觉 |
| 349 | Now I've been wondering, does everybody have an Uncle Marvin? | 现在我一直在想 每个人都有马文叔叔吗? |
| 350 | Do all children, do we as adults have people in our lives | 做所有的孩子, 我们作为成年人有 人在我们的生活 |
| 351 | with whom we can be fully authentic? | 我们能和谁完全真实? |
| 352 | So I have a question for all of you. | 所以我有个问题要问大家 |
| 353 | Did you have an Uncle Marvin? | 你有马文叔叔吗? |
| 354 | Was there a parent, an aunt or an uncle, | 有父母、姑姑或叔叔吗? |
| 355 | a neighbor, a coach, a teacher, someone | 邻居、教练、老师、某人 |
| 356 | that you just felt like I could be my true self with? | 你只是觉得我能成为我真正的自我? |
| 357 | Or does this feel like a foreign language? | 还是这感觉像一种外语? |
| 358 | Getting a lot of no's, unfortunately. | 得到很多没有,不幸。 |
| 359 | Husbands, yes, moms. | 丈夫,是的,妈妈。 |
| 360 | What I find is that many people don't have that person | 我发现很多人没有这个人 |
| 361 | and I'm on a mission to make sure | 我的任务是确保 |
| 362 | that everybody has an Uncle Marvin, right? | 每个人都有一个马文叔叔,对不对? |
| 363 | We all need that person in our lives. | 我们都需要这个人 在我们的生活。 |
| 364 | When we're children, even when we're adults, | 当我们还是孩子, 即使我们是成年人, |
| 365 | with whom we can be our best selves. | 和谁一起,我们可以成为我们最好的自己。 |
| 366 | Now, I've been really curious about the characteristics | 现在,我一直很想知道 特征 |
| 367 | of our Uncle Marvins. | 我们的马文叔叔。 |
| 368 | And so over the last couple of years, | 在过去几年里, |
| 369 | I've done some big studies with over a hundred thousand | 我用十多万做了一些大研究 |
| 370 | people and I thought I would share with you | 人们,我想我会与你们分享 |
| 371 | the top characteristics of the people | 人民的最高特征 |
| 372 | who give us permission to feel. | 他们允许我们感受 |
| 373 | And here they are, empathic, compassionate, | 他们在这里,同情,同情, |
| 374 | non-judgmental, supportive, validating, accepting, caring. | 不判断,支持,验证,接受,关怀。 |
| 375 | What do you think about that? | 你觉得怎么样? |
| 376 | How many of you think it's a nice idea? | 你们有多少人认为这是一个好主意? |
| 377 | I'd like to have more people in my life | 我希望我生命中有更多的人 |
| 378 | who are empathic, compassionate and non-judgmental. | 他们是仁爱的,是慈爱的,是非评判的。 |
| 379 | Sounds good to me. | 听起来不错 |
| 380 | I don't know about you, | 我不知道关于你, |
| 381 | but I've been around a lot of people in my career | 但我的职业生涯中 有很多人 |
| 382 | who are not very empathic, not that caring | 他们不是很同情,不是那么关心 |
| 383 | and very judgmental. | 和非常的判断。 |
| 384 | And so permission to feel is the first step in the process. | 因此,允许感受是这一过程的第一步。 |
| 385 | Now, some of you are like, | 现在,你们有些人喜欢, |
| 386 | Mark, I wanna hear about the science. | 马克,我想听听科学 |
| 387 | And so the reason we also care about emotions | 所以我们也关心情绪的原因 |
| 388 | is not just because we want our Uncle Marvins, | 不只是因为我们想要我们的马文叔叔 |
| 389 | it's because we know from science | 因为我们从科学中知道 |
| 390 | that emotions drive learning, decision-making, | 情绪驱动学习,决策, |
| 391 | relationships, health and performance. | 关系、健康和业绩。 |
| 392 | How is that? | 怎么样? |
| 393 | Well, let's think about it. | 好吧,让我们考虑一下。 |
| 394 | Has anyone here ever been in a classroom | 这里有没有人上过教室? |
| 395 | and been really, really bored? | 真的很无聊吗? |
| 396 | Like you just think, | 就像你想的那样 |
| 397 | oh my goodness, I don't wanna be here. | 哦,我的上帝,我不想在这里。 |
| 398 | This is terrible. | 这太可怕了 |
| 399 | Yes. | 对 |
| 400 | And your brain just turns off, doesn't it? | 而你的大脑只是关了,不是吗? |
| 401 | Doesn't your brain just go in a different direction? | 你的大脑不是朝另一个方向走吗? |
| 402 | It's not that boredom is a bad emotion. | 并不是无聊是一种不好的情绪。 |
| 403 | It's that boredom is basically a signal | 无聊基本上是个信号 |
| 404 | that what's happening in front of me is not engaging. | 我面前发生的事并不重要 |
| 405 | And so my brain is gonna start getting busy | 所以我的大脑会变得忙碌 |
| 406 | doing something else. | 做别的事 |
| 407 | In my situation, when I was being bullied as a child, | 在我小时候被人欺负的时候 |
| 408 | I was more concerned with my safety | 我更关心我的安全 |
| 409 | than I was with learning. | 比我学的还要多 |
| 410 | And I was getting, | 我得到了,我得到了,我得到了一个 |
| 411 | people were beating me up on the way home from school. | 人们在放学回家的路上打我 |
| 412 | So when I'm in school, I'm just worrying about, | 所以,当我在学校, 我只是担心, |
| 413 | am I gonna get hurt going home? | 我回家会受伤吗? |
| 414 | And if your brain is in a position of worrying | 如果你的大脑处于担心的境地 |
| 415 | about being threatened or harmed, | 威胁或伤害, |
| 416 | it's gonna make it really hard for your brain | 这会让你的大脑很难受 |
| 417 | to be at ease for learning. | 以轻松地学习。 |
| 418 | Think about that for a minute. | 考虑一下 |
| 419 | The same thing with our decisions. | 我们的决定也是这样 |
| 420 | I'm just curious, does anyone here work with someone | 我只是好奇 这里有人和别人合作吗? |
| 421 | who is very difficult to be around? | 谁很难在身边? |
| 422 | Anyone, give me a yes in the chat. | 任何人,给我同意在聊天。 |
| 423 | Does anyone here work with someone | 这儿有人和别人一起工作吗? |
| 424 | who is very difficult to be around? | 谁很难在身边? |
| 425 | I'm getting a lot of yeses on this one. | 我得到了很多肯定这一点。 |
| 426 | And so isn't it really about how they make you feel? | 所以,是不是真的 关于他们如何让你的感觉? |
| 427 | You feel like you can't be truthful. | 你感觉自己不能说实话 |
| 428 | You have to kind of be careful everything you say | 你说话要小心一点 |
| 429 | because they get activated or upset | 因为他们被激活或不安 |
| 430 | or they disagree with everything. | 或者他们不同意一切 |
| 431 | I don't like that, I disagree. | 我不喜欢这样,我不同意 |
| 432 | It's all feeling. | 都是感觉 |
| 433 | And we tend not to wanna approach people | 我们往往不想接近别人 |
| 434 | who create those feelings in us. | 他们创造了我们的这些感情。 |
| 435 | We tend to wanna avoid those people. | 我们往往想避开这些人。 |
| 436 | Emotions drive our relationships. | 情感驱动我们的关系。 |
| 437 | Emotions drive our physical and mental health. | 情感驱动着我们的身心健康。 |
| 438 | And I think this is a big one | 我觉得这个很大 |
| 439 | that people really have to understand | 人们真的必须理解 |
| 440 | is that emotions drive our performance. | 情感能推动我们的表演 |
| 441 | As a professor at Yale now for 20 years, | 作为耶鲁大学的教授已经20年了 |
| 442 | I thought everyone is gonna be successful. | 我以为每个人都会成功的 |
| 443 | All the smartest people from around the world, | 全世界最聪明的人 |
| 444 | the best scores in every test, | 每个测试中最好的分数 |
| 445 | they have more talents than anybody else. | 他们比任何人都有才华 |
| 446 | But then why isn't everyone successful? | 但为什么大家都不成功呢? |
| 447 | And it's because many of our students | 因为我们的很多学生 |
| 448 | cannot deal with their feelings. | 无法处理他们的感情。 |
| 449 | They get overwhelmed, their anxiety, their frustration. | 他们不堪重负 焦虑 沮丧 |
| 450 | They don't deal well with feedback. | 他们不善于处理反馈. |
| 451 | They don't cooperate well with other people. | 他们和别人合作不好 |
| 452 | And so if you can't deal, | 所以,如果你不能处理, |
| 453 | if you're trying to be creative, like building ruler, | 如果你是想创造力 就像建设统治者 |
| 454 | even when I was writing my book, | 即使我写书的时候 |
| 455 | people were like, I don't like that chapter. | 人们喜欢, 我不喜欢那一章。 |
| 456 | I think you need to do this in that chapter. | 我认为你需要做到这一点 在那个章节。 |
| 457 | You're forgetting this. | 你忘了这个 |
| 458 | And if I just got defensive the whole time, | 如果我一直有防守的话 |
| 459 | and some people were really harsh | 一些人很严厉 |
| 460 | with their feedback with me, I could just give up. | 他们给我的反馈,我可以放弃。 |
| 461 | Or instead, be a good listener, be in learning mode, | 或者,做一个好听者, 在学习模式, |
| 462 | sift through the feedback, | 从反馈中筛选出来 |
| 463 | deal with the anxiety and the stress that's not perfect, | 处理焦虑和压力 这不完美, |
| 464 | and keep going. | 继续走 |
| 465 | But what I find is that even the people | 但我发现,即使是人民 |
| 466 | who are the smartest people academically, | 他们是学术上最聪明的人, |
| 467 | they're not necessarily smart | 他们不一定聪明 |
| 468 | in terms of dealing with feeling. | 在处理感觉方面。 |
| 469 | Does this resonate with you as parents, as colleagues? | 作为父母,作为同事,你们有共鸣吗? |
| 470 | Has anyone here ever had a child | 这里有谁生过孩子吗? |
| 471 | or ever had a person at work who you just, | 或曾经有一个人在工作 你只是, |
| 472 | you knew they were so smart and capable, | 你知道他们很聪明很有能力 |
| 473 | but they just couldn't achieve because of other factors? | 但他们却因为其他因素而无法实现? |
| 474 | Does this make sense to people? | 这对人们有道理吗? |
| 475 | It's mostly the non-ability to deal with emotion. | 主要是不能处理情绪. |
| 476 | And that's why my goal is to get all of you | 这就是为什么我的目标是 得到你们所有人 |
| 477 | to become emotion scientists and not emotion judges, | 成为情感科学家 而不是情感判断者 |
| 478 | open and curious and reflective. | 开放,好奇和反省。 |
| 479 | Emotions are information, believe it or not. | 情感是信息 信不信由你 |
| 480 | There is no such thing as a bad emotion. | 没有什么坏的情绪。 |
| 481 | Even anxiety is information. | 甚至焦虑也是信息 |
| 482 | It's saying uncertainty in the future. | 谓未来不定. |
| 483 | That's good to know if you feel uncertain about the future. | 很高兴知道,如果你觉得不确定未来。 |
| 484 | You can do something about it now. | 你现在可以做点什么了 |
| 485 | Anger, it's not a bad emotion. | 愤怒,这是不坏的情感。 |
| 486 | It's saying, my goodness, there's an injustice. | 这是在说,我的上帝, 有一个不公正的。 |
| 487 | We need to fix this. | 我们需要解决这个问题。 |
| 488 | That's good. | 这是很好的。 |
| 489 | Disappointment, my expectations weren't met. | 失望,我的期望没有达到. |
| 490 | What can I do differently next time? | 下次怎么办? |
| 491 | So there is no such thing as a negative emotion. | 所以没有消极的情绪。 |
| 492 | All emotions are information. | 所有情绪都是信息 |
| 493 | What we wanna do is get granular, specific, precise | 我们想做的是得到颗粒状 具体 精确 |
| 494 | in our use of emotion language | 我们使用情感语言 |
| 495 | and also have what we call a growth mindset | 也有我们所谓的增长心态 |
| 496 | about dealing with our feelings. | 关于处理我们的感情。 |
| 497 | So I don't know about all of you, | 所以,我不知道你们所有人, |
| 498 | but the pandemic was a little difficult. | 但这场大流行有点困难 |
| 499 | It was difficult for me in particular | 我特别很难 |
| 500 | because my mother-in-law came to live with us. | 因为我岳母来和我们住在一起 |
| 501 | We had a family wedding | 我们有个家庭婚礼 |
| 502 | back in the very beginning of the pandemic | 在大流行开始的时候 |
| 503 | and my mother-in-law who was from Panama | 还有我的婆婆,她来自巴拿马 |
| 504 | came across from Panama to the United States | 从巴拿马到美国 |
| 505 | and was supposed to go back after two weeks. | 两周后就应该回去了 |
| 506 | Well, guess what? | 你猜怎么着? |
| 507 | The pandemic hit a week after she got here | 她来一周后,大流行就爆发了 |
| 508 | and all flights to Panama were canceled | 所有飞往巴拿马的航班都被取消 |
| 509 | in March and April and May and June and July. | 3月、4月、5月、6月和7月, |
| 510 | Seven months, it was very, very, very difficult. | 7个月,非常,非常,非常困难。 |
| 511 | As a matter of fact, one evening, | 事实上,有一天晚上, |
| 512 | we got into a big fight, I know it's true, | 我们大吵了一架 我知道是真的 |
| 513 | and she looked at me and she goes, | 她看着我,她走了, |
| 514 | are you really the director | 你真的是导演 |
| 515 | of the Center for Emotional Intelligence? | 情感情报中心? |
| 516 | And I looked at her and I said, not tonight. | 我看着她说 今晚不行 |
| 517 | And so it did not go well. | 所以情况不妙 |
| 518 | We just, and then I went to bed that night | 我们只是,然后我睡了那天晚上 |
| 519 | and I'm like, but Mark, | 我很喜欢,但马克, |
| 520 | you actually are the director | 其实你是导演 |
| 521 | of the Center for Emotional Intelligence. | 情感情报中心 |
| 522 | How come you didn't use your strategies? | 你怎么没用你的策略? |
| 523 | And I had to do a lot of thinking | 我不得不做许多思考 |
| 524 | and a lot of reflecting on like, | 和很多反省喜欢, |
| 525 | why did I not regulate well? | 为什么我监管不好? |
| 526 | Like, why couldn't I handle my feelings? | 为什么我不能处理我的感受? |
| 527 | I mean, I know everything. | 我是说,我知道一切 |
| 528 | I know these strategies, but I could not use them. | 我知道这些策略 但我无法使用它们 |
| 529 | And so did I have the courage the next morning to say, | 我第二天早上有勇气说: |
| 530 | I'm sorry, can I ask for some forgiveness? | 对不起,我能请求一些原谅吗? |
| 531 | Yeah, can we move forward? | 我们能继续前进吗? |
| 532 | That's the hard part oftentimes, right? | 这是困难的兼职,对不对? |
| 533 | Is apologizing and asking for forgiveness | 是道歉和请求宽恕 |
| 534 | and repairing the relationship. | 并修复关系。 |
| 535 | Most of us just deny it, suppress it. | 我们大多数人只是否认,压制它。 |
| 536 | Oh, it'll be fine tomorrow. | 哦,明天就没事了 |
| 537 | History repeats itself. | 历史重演. |
| 538 | So the emotion judge is different. | 所以情感判断是不同的 |
| 539 | The emotion judge is closed and critical. | 情感裁判是封闭和批评的 |
| 540 | You know, we're not talking about emotions. | 你知道,我们不是在谈论情绪。 |
| 541 | It's good or bad. | 是善是恶. |
| 542 | This is who I am. | 这就是我 |
| 543 | You know, there are people who meet like, | 你知道,有的人 遇到喜欢, |
| 544 | this is just how I deal with life. | 这就是我处理生活的方式。 |
| 545 | Okay. | 摆 |
| 546 | Well, is that helpful or unhelpful to your leadership | 那对你的领导有帮助还是没有帮助? |
| 547 | to building a positive culture and climate | 建设积极文化和气候 |
| 548 | at work or in your home? | 工作还是在家里? |
| 549 | So the last thing I'll talk about today, | 所以,今天我最后要说的, |
| 550 | and then I can go into more detail with Carol, | 然后我可以跟卡罗尔详细谈谈 |
| 551 | are the skills of ruler. | 是统治者的技能。 |
| 552 | So in my book, I start off with why we need | 所以在我的书里 我首先要说为什么我们需要 |
| 553 | to have permission to feel, and then I go into the science, | 被允许去感受 然后进入科学界 |
| 554 | and then I go into this idea of why we should all | 然后我开始思考为什么我们都应该 |
| 555 | be scientists and not judges. | 做科学家而不是法官 |
| 556 | And then there are five chapters, | 还有五章 |
| 557 | each on the skills of emotional intelligence. | 每一个关于 情感智能的技能。 |
| 558 | So the first is recognizing emotions, | 所以第一个是识别情感, |
| 559 | self-awareness, other awareness. | 自我意识,其他意识。 |
| 560 | Do I know how I'm feeling? | 我了解我的感受吗? |
| 561 | Do I know how others are feeling? | 我知道别人的感受吗? |
| 562 | Am I accurate or am I biased in my view of other emotions? | 我是准确的,还是我对其他情绪的看法有偏见? |
| 563 | So here's an example. | 故此为例. |
| 564 | I grew up in America in the state of New Jersey. | 我在新泽西州的美国长大 |
| 565 | There were no Chinese people at all, | 根本就没有中国人 |
| 566 | pretty much, you know, where I grew up. | 差不多,你知道,我长大的地方。 |
| 567 | Maybe at the Chinese restaurant, right? | 也许在中餐馆,对不对? |
| 568 | But I didn't, nobody was Chinese in my school. | 但我没有 学校里没有人是中国人 |
| 569 | And so my exposure was to people who were white | 所以,我接触到的人是白人 |
| 570 | and looked more like me. | 看起来更像我 |
| 571 | And then I had the opportunity to go to China and Korea | 后来我有机会去中国和韩国 |
| 572 | because of other things in my life. | 因为其他事情 在我的生活。 |
| 573 | And I was trying to read how people were feeling, | 我试图解读人们的感受, |
| 574 | and I had a lot of difficulty | 我有很多困难 |
| 575 | because I wasn't used to how people from China | 因为我不习惯中国人 |
| 576 | or Korea or Japan express emotions, right? | 或韩国或日本表达情绪,对不对? |
| 577 | It's not exactly the same. | 亦不完全无异. |
| 578 | There are different social rules around expressing emotion. | 表达情感有不同的社会规则. |
| 579 | And so I was becoming the emotion judge. | 所以我成了情感判断者。 |
| 580 | I would say things like, why doesn't anybody smile? | 我会说一样的事情, 为什么没有人笑? |
| 581 | Why is everybody so this? | 为什么大家都这样? |
| 582 | Why is everybody that? | 为什么大家都这样? |
| 583 | I automatically went into the judge mode | 我自动进入了裁判模式 |
| 584 | as opposed to saying, hey, you know, I'm just curious, | 而不是说,嘿,你知道,我只是好奇, |
| 585 | like, how are you feeling or having a conversation? | 喜欢,你感觉如何 或有一个谈话? |
| 586 | And so I wanna just say upfront | 所以我想先说 |
| 587 | that our default tends to be the emotion judge. | 我们的默认 往往成为情感判断。 |
| 588 | Our default tends to be, I know how you're feeling. | 我们的默认是, 我知道你的感受。 |
| 589 | And I'm here to tell you that we're wrong most of the time. | 我是来告诉你 我们大部分时间都错了 |
| 590 | Unless it's with your husband or wife or child | 除非是你丈夫、妻子或孩子 |
| 591 | that you live with and you know them really well, | 你和他们生活在一起 你非常了解他们 |
| 592 | we're gonna make a lot of mistakes | 我们要犯很多错误 |
| 593 | when we just make what we call attributions | 当我们只是做 我们称之为归属 |
| 594 | as opposed to really find out how people are feeling. | 而不是真正发现 人们的感受。 |
| 595 | The second is understanding emotion. | 第二是理解情绪 |
| 596 | Why do I feel the way I feel? | 我为什么会有这种感觉? |
| 597 | And how come I'm angry about this, | 我怎么会生气呢? |
| 598 | but Carol's not angry about that? | 但卡罗尔不生气吗? |
| 599 | Well, Carol should get angry at the things | 好吧,卡罗尔应该生气的东西 |
| 600 | that I get angry about, right? | 我生气,对不对? |
| 601 | No, Carol can get angry with whatever | 不,卡罗尔会生气的 |
| 602 | Carol gets angry about because Carol's world | 卡罗尔生气是因为卡罗尔的世界 |
| 603 | and Carol's view of the world is different than mine. | 卡罗尔对世界的看法 和我不一样 |
| 604 | And so emotions like anger have a theme, | 所以愤怒这样的情绪有主题, |
| 605 | for example, injustice, anxiety, uncertainty. | 例如,不公正、焦虑、不确定。 |
| 606 | But because of my life experiences | 但因为我的人生经历 |
| 607 | and Carol's life experiences, | 还有卡罗尔的生活经历 |
| 608 | Carol's gonna feel anxiety for things | 卡罗尔会感到焦虑的 |
| 609 | that might be different than me. | 可能跟我不一样 |
| 610 | And I'm gonna feel angry about things | 我会对事情感到愤怒 |
| 611 | that Carol may not even see as anger. | 卡罗尔甚至不认为是愤怒 |
| 612 | And that's okay. | 这没关系。 |
| 613 | The point of this is to be empathic | 关键是同情心 |
| 614 | towards the other person's experiences, not judgmental. | 对别人的经历,而不是判断。 |
| 615 | And that's hard for people because we want people | 这对人来说很难 因为我们希望人 |
| 616 | to feel the way we feel about the same thing. | 感受我们对同一事物的感受 |
| 617 | And that's not being human. | 然此非为人. |
| 618 | Labeling emotions, having the word. | 贴上标签的情绪,有消息。 |
| 619 | If it's anger, is it anger or is it annoyed? | 若是愤怒,是愤怒还是生气? |
| 620 | Or is it enraged? | 还是很生气? |
| 621 | Is it happy or is it content or ecstatic? | 是快乐还是喜悦? |
| 622 | Expressing emotions, | 表达情感, |
| 623 | knowing how and when to express emotions | 了解如何和何时表达情感 |
| 624 | with different people. | 与不同众生. |
| 625 | So like I said, the rules in China | 就像我说的 中国的规则 |
| 626 | in terms of greeting people, in terms of hugging | 在迎接人们, 在拥抱方面 |
| 627 | are different than the rules in New York City. | 和纽约市的规矩不一样 |
| 628 | And it's not that one rule is right or better. | 而一个规则不是正确或更好的。 |
| 629 | It's just that we have to become scientists | 只是我们必须成为科学家 |
| 630 | to understand how people express emotions | 理解人们如何表达情感 |
| 631 | in different contexts. | 在不同背景下。 |
| 632 | By the way, there's other larger issues | 顺便说一句,还有其他更大的问题 |
| 633 | that we could also speak about like gender. | 我们也可以谈论性别 |
| 634 | Gender in the workplace. | 工作场所的性别问题。 |
| 635 | Do men and women have the equal rights | 男女是否享有平等权利? |
| 636 | to express how they feel? | 来表达他们的感受? |
| 637 | Or is a woman gonna be judged | 还是一个女人会受到审判 |
| 638 | for the feelings that she's having | 她的感受,她拥有 |
| 639 | more than a man is gonna be judged | 比一个人更会受到审判 |
| 640 | for the feelings that he's having? | 对于他的感受? |
| 641 | There are power rules. | 有权力规则 |
| 642 | What we find is that people of greater power | 我们发现的是,拥有更大权力的人 |
| 643 | in an organization can express kind of what they want. | 在一个组织里可以表达他们想要的 |
| 644 | People of lesser power, | 权力较小的人, |
| 645 | they don't have the same opportunity. | 他们没有同样的机会。 |
| 646 | We know in America, | 我们知道在美国, |
| 647 | there's very big racial rules around emotion. | 有非常大的种族规则 围绕情感。 |
| 648 | People of certain races and backgrounds, | 某些种族和背景的人, |
| 649 | people think they're angry all the time when they're not. | 人们总是认为他们生气 当他们不是。 |
| 650 | And so we have to be very, very careful | 所以我们必须非常非常小心 |
| 651 | about falling into the judge mode | 关于掉进法官模式 |
| 652 | and force ourselves to be in the scientist mode. | 并迫使自己进入科学家模式。 |
| 653 | And then finally, the last R of ruler, | 最后, 统治者的最后R, |
| 654 | which is regulating emotion, | 这是在调节情绪, |
| 655 | which by the way is the topic of my next book | 顺便说一句,这是我下一本书的主题 |
| 656 | because after writing Permission to Feel, | 因为写完"感觉"之后 |
| 657 | I've gotten so much feedback. | 我得到了这么多的反馈。 |
| 658 | Everybody loves the book, but I want more strategies. | 每个人都喜欢这本书 但我需要更多的策略 |
| 659 | I need more strategies to regulate. | 我需要更多的策略来管理。 |
| 660 | And so that's gonna be my next project. | 这将成为我的下一个项目。 |
| 661 | But the regulation piece is what we do with our feelings. | 但我们的感情就是这个规范 |
| 662 | Do we have negative self-talk? | 我们有负面的自我谈话吗? |
| 663 | Like you were saying earlier, | 就像你刚才说的 |
| 664 | or do we have positive self-talk? | 还是我们有积极的自我对话? |
| 665 | Do we kind of shift our thinking? | 我们是不是该改变主意了? |
| 666 | Do we exercise to help ourselves feel healthier or not? | 我们是否锻炼来帮助自己感到健康? |
| 667 | Do we seek out people to be friends with | 我们是否寻求人们成为朋友 |
| 668 | that lift our spirits? | 唤醒我们的灵魂? |
| 669 | Or do we surround ourselves with people who bring us down? | 还是我们身边的人 把我们打倒了? |
| 670 | So emotion regulation is at the top of the hierarchy | 所以情绪调节是等级中最高级的 |
| 671 | of emotional intelligence. | 情感智慧的创造 |
| 672 | So what I wanna do now, Carol, just for two more minutes, | 所以我现在想做什么 卡罗尔 再等两分钟 |
| 673 | and then we can go to Q and A, | 然后我们可以去Q和A, |
| 674 | is just share a little bit about ruler, the program. | 只是分享一点关于尺子,程序。 |
| 675 | So people know a little bit about what we do with ruler. | 人们知道我们如何对待统治者。 |
| 676 | So everything I've just spoken about is packaged now | 所以,我刚才说的一切 现在包装 |
| 677 | in this training, especially for schools. | 在这种培训中,特别是针对学校的培训。 |
| 678 | And we have a whole theory of change | 我们有一个关于变化的理论 |
| 679 | {\fn黑体\fs22\bord1\shad0\3aHBE\4aH00\fscx67\fscy66\2cHFFFFFF\3cH808080}我们不会详细讨论 | |
| 680 | but it's about shifting people's mindsets, | 但要改变人们的心态 |
| 681 | teaching them the skills, | 教他们各种技能, |
| 682 | making this part of the culture and climate | 使文化和气候成为其中的一部分 |
| 683 | and helping schools make this part of policy. | 帮助学校将此作为政策的一部分。 |
| 684 | So there are these tools. | 所以有这些工具。 |
| 685 | The first is called the charter. | 第一个叫做宪章。 |
| 686 | It's asking questions like, how do we wanna feel? | 它在问问题 比如,我们想怎么样? |
| 687 | Like literally, how do we wanna feel working in this school? | 像字面上,我们想怎样 感觉在这个学校工作? |
| 688 | And the kids do it and the teachers do it. | 和孩子们这样做,老师这样做。 |
| 689 | The mood meter is building our self-awareness. | 情绪表正在建立我们的自我意识。 |
| 690 | And you can see there's so many different things | 你可以看到很多不同的东西 |
| 691 | that schools do with computer games | 学校使用电脑游戏 |
| 692 | and building mood meter gifts | 和建立情绪表礼物 |
| 693 | for their parents in preschool, | 他们的父母在学龄前, |
| 694 | to artwork with the mood meter to help people | 来帮助人们 |
| 695 | understand emotions through art, | 理解情感 通过艺术, |
| 696 | to mood meter football fields in Mexico. | 给墨西哥的足球场带来气氛 |
| 697 | Then we have a tool we call the meta moment, | 然后我们有一个工具 我们称之为元时刻, |
| 698 | which is helping ourselves to be our best selves. | 帮助自己成为我们最好的自己 |
| 699 | I love this. | 我喜欢这个 |
| 700 | A boy said, my best self is kind, hardworking, | 一个男孩说,我最好的自我是善良,勤奋, |
| 701 | selfless and determined. | 无私和坚定。 |
| 702 | I was pretty impressed with that. | 这让我印象深刻 |
| 703 | He was 10 years old. | 时年十岁. |
| 704 | Tools we call the blueprint to help us problem solve | 我们称之为蓝图的工具 帮助我们解决问题 |
| 705 | and build perspective, taking skills. | 建立视野,掌握技能 |
| 706 | And so this is in China. | 这就是在中国。 |
| 707 | This so you can get a little flavor of that. | 这样你就能尝尝了 |
| 708 | We're building with generous support | 我们正在建设 在慷慨的支持 |
| 709 | from Neil Shen and Leon Meng | 从尼尔沈和里昂孟 |
| 710 | and a whole advisory board, including Carol, | 和整个咨询委员会,包括卡罗尔, |
| 711 | a model to bring RULER to preschools, | 将RULAR带到幼儿园的模式, |
| 712 | early childhood centers across China. | 中国各地的幼儿中心。 |
| 713 | And so we're in the middle of that project. | 所以我们正处在这个项目的中间。 |
| 714 | We're working with five sites right now, | 我们现在有五个网站 |
| 715 | translating and adapting culturally and evaluating. | 翻译和调整文化及评价。 |
| 716 | And so this is just some of the work that's on the website. | 因此,这只是网站的一些作品。 |
| 717 | As you can see, we have so much of it translated | 如你所见 我们翻译了很多 |
| 718 | into Chinese already. | 已经输入中文了 |
| 719 | I'll end by saying we've got a lot of research | 最后我要说我们有很多研究 |
| 720 | to support this work that students do better, | 支持学生做的更好工作, |
| 721 | teachers themselves do better, | 老师自己做得更好, |
| 722 | classrooms become more positive places. | 教室变得更加积极。 |
| 723 | And so let me wrap up and then we can go into Q&A. | 所以,让我结束,然后我们可以进入QQA。 |
| 724 | My hope is that each of you | 我希望你们每一个人 |
| 725 | is gonna give yourself permission to feel. | 让你自己有感觉 |
| 726 | Strive to be an emotion scientist | 努力成为情感科学家 |
| 727 | and not an emotion judge. | 而不是情感判断 |
| 728 | Try to be an Uncle Marvin. | 试着成为马文叔叔 |
| 729 | You know, we oftentimes are waiting for everyone else | 你知道,我们经常在等其他人 |
| 730 | to be our Uncle Marvin. | 成为我们的马文叔叔。 |
| 731 | But here's what's interesting about some of the research | 但这里有一些有趣的研究 |
| 732 | is that when you are an Uncle Marvin, | 当你是马文叔叔时 |
| 733 | when you give someone the permission to feel, | 当你允许别人感受时, |
| 734 | not only do they benefit, but you feel great too. | 他们不仅受益,你感觉也很好 |
| 735 | It's a really wonderful experience | 这真是一次美妙的经历 |
| 736 | to be that Uncle Marvin for someone else. | 为别人做马文叔叔 |
| 737 | And with permission to feel, | 并获得允许的感受, |
| 738 | we're gonna have to fail because it is hard. | 我们不得不失败,因为很难。 |
| 739 | This is life's work, I promise you, this is hard work. | 这是生活的工作,我向你保证,这是艰苦的工作。 |
| 740 | My hope is to focus on systemic change, | 我希望专注于系统变革, |
| 741 | which is why I'm excited to work with the Beijing Center | 这就是为什么我很高兴与北京中心合作 |
| 742 | and to really bring this work, | 为了真正带来这部作品, |
| 743 | not only to one or two schools, | 不只是一两所学校, |
| 744 | but think how do we make China | 但想想我们如何造中国 |
| 745 | an emotionally intelligent country? | 一个情感聪明的国家? |
| 746 | I know that's a lot to ask, | 我知道这是很多 问, |
| 747 | but yes, and you can be your own Uncle Marvin Yang. | 但你可以做你自己的马文杨叔叔 |
| 748 | I appreciate that, it's very, very true. | 我很感激,这是非常,非常真实的。 |
| 749 | And finally, you know, our center's vision | 最后,你知道,我们中心的愿景 |
| 750 | is to use the power of emotional intelligence | 利用情感智慧的力量 |
| 751 | to build a healthier and more equitable, | 建立一个更健康、更公平的环境, |
| 752 | innovative and compassionate society. | 创新和同情的社会。 |
| 753 | And so I'm just honored to have the opportunity | 所以我很荣幸有机会 |
| 754 | to speak with all of you throughout China and Hong Kong. | 在中国和香港与大家交谈 |
| 755 | And I'm just beyond grateful for the privilege | 我非常感激你的特权 |
| 756 | to be able to translate this work | 能够翻译这部作品 |
| 757 | and make it culturally relevant | * 使其与文化相关; |
| 758 | and to see how it can impact students and adults | 并研究如何影响学生和成年人 |
| 759 | throughout China and Hong Kong. | 整个中国和香港 |
| 760 | So Carol, thank you, and let's go to the questions. | 所以,卡罗尔,谢谢你, 让我们去问问题。 |
| 761 | Mark, thank you so much for that captivating talk | 马克,非常感谢你 吸引人的谈话 |
| 762 | and engaging interaction. | 和互动。 |
| 763 | We really appreciate that. | 我们真的很感激。 |
| 764 | Now, I welcome everyone to type your questions | 现在,我欢迎大家打你的问题 |
| 765 | in the chat box, and I'll choose | 在聊天盒里,我会选择 |
| 766 | and unmute some of you to ask them. | 并解除你们中的一些人的责备,让他们知道。 |
| 767 | But before that, we've already collected many | 但在此之前,我们已经收集了很多 |
| 768 | from the participants, and my Yale Center colleague, | 以及耶鲁中心的同事 |
| 769 | Peng Xiao, has expertly categorized them | 彭晓,他们都是专家 |
| 770 | and analyzed that many of the questions | 并分析了许多问题 |
| 771 | fell into three buckets. | 掉进三个桶里 |
| 772 | One is about kind of parent-child intergenerational | 一个是关于父母和孩子的代际关系 |
| 773 | relationships and communications | 关系和通信 |
| 774 | and how to build emotional intelligence in that context. | 以及如何在此背景下建立情感智能。 |
| 775 | The other is similar, but it's actually about | 另一种相似,但实际上 |
| 776 | cultivating and developing emotional intelligence | 培养和发展情感智力 |
| 777 | for different age groups, | 不同年龄组, |
| 778 | from children to adolescents to adults. | 从儿童到青少年到成年人。 |
| 779 | And the third category of questions | 还有第三类问题 |
| 780 | is what you alluded to, which is emotional intelligence | 你所说的,就是情感智慧 |
| 781 | and being an emotional scientist | 和作为一个情感科学家 |
| 782 | in different cultural contexts. | 在不同的文化背景下。 |
| 783 | And given your great example about how you traveled | 以你旅行的伟大榜样 |
| 784 | to Asia and this part of the world | 给亚洲和这个地区 |
| 785 | and how there are different social cues and all of that, | 和如何有不同的 社交提示和这一切, |
| 786 | how the tools and the strategies can be, | 如何使用这些工具和战略, |
| 787 | approaches can be better adapted to this cultural setting. | 方法可以更好地适应这种文化环境。 |
| 788 | So maybe, how would you like to start with these buckets? | 所以,也许,你想怎么开始 这些桶? |
| 789 | Maybe remind me of the first one | 也许让我想起第一个 |
| 790 | and we'll just go through it together. | 然后我们一起经历 |
| 791 | Sure, the first one is about parent-child | 当然,第一个是关于亲子的 |
| 792 | or intergenerational communications. | 或代际交流。 |
| 793 | A lot of people are inspired by your story | 很多人从你的故事中得到灵感 |
| 794 | and I understand that many people | 我理解许多人 |
| 795 | would probably have their own childhood stories | 也许会有他们自己的童年故事 |
| 796 | or may know children who have experienced abuse | 或可能认识遭受虐待的儿童 |
| 797 | or difficulty or hard times. | 或难或难. |
| 798 | How would you suggest people in that context | 你会如何建议人们在这种情况下 |
| 799 | build emotional resilience and intelligence? | 培养情感适应力和智力? |
| 800 | Yeah, it's interesting, Carol, | 是啊,这是有趣的,卡罗尔, |
| 801 | because when I do so many workshops for families, | 因为当我做这么多的家庭工作时 |
| 802 | like I could spend my entire life running around schools | 碞钩и晋常厩 |
| 803 | doing workshops for families. | 为家庭举办讲习班。 |
| 804 | And parents come in and they're coming | 父母来了,他们来了 |
| 805 | because their kid is misbehaving, right? | 因为他们的孩子行为不检 对吧? |
| 806 | Their kid is not, they have tantrums | 他们的孩子不是,他们脾气不好 |
| 807 | or they're not listening, you know, the list goes on. | 或者他们不听, 你知道,名单继续。 |
| 808 | And they come in with a mindset of teach my, | 他们的思维方式是教我 |
| 809 | I want you to teach me how to teach my kid | 我要你教我怎样教我的孩子 |
| 810 | to be more emotionally intelligent. | 更聪明一点 |
| 811 | And they leave thinking to themselves, | 他们只顾着自己, |
| 812 | oh no, I've got a lot of work to do myself. | 哦,不,我有很多工作要做。 |
| 813 | And so I just wanna say that adult development | 所以我只想说,成年人的发展 |
| 814 | is the most important. | 这是最重要的。 |
| 815 | We all want to do this with children, | 我们都想做 与儿童, |
| 816 | but if we, the adults who are raising children | 但是,如果我们, 成年人谁抚养孩子 |
| 817 | and teaching children, if we don't have self-awareness, | 教孩子们 如果我们没有自我意识 |
| 818 | if we don't have the language to describe our feelings, | 如果我们没有语言来描述我们的感受, |
| 819 | if we don't have strategies to really work | 如果我们没有真正有效的策略 |
| 820 | with our feelings in healthy ways, | 以健康的感受, |
| 821 | it's gonna be impossible to teach our kids | 教我们的孩子是不可能的 |
| 822 | because we have to be the role models. | 因为我们必须成为榜样。 |
| 823 | And so I always encourage people to think, | 所以我总是鼓励人们思考, |
| 824 | are you a role model for helping children | 你是帮助孩子的榜样 |
| 825 | develop the skills? | 发展技能? |
| 826 | Are you modeling ruler? | 你是模特儿吗? |
| 827 | Most people would say, not as best as I could be. | 大多数人会说, 不如我最好。 |
| 828 | So I wanna encourage you to start there. | 所以我想鼓励你从那里开始 |
| 829 | You know, read the book, understand the concepts, | 你知道,阅读这本书, 理解概念, |
| 830 | build your emotional vocabulary, use the app if you'd like. | 建立你的情绪词汇, 使用应用程序 如果你愿意。 |
| 831 | All those things will help you become | 所有这些东西都会帮助你成为 |
| 832 | more emotionally skilled, | 更有感情技能, |
| 833 | which will then help you be a better parent, | 以便你们成为更好的父母, |
| 834 | a better partner, a better wife, a better husband, | 一个更好的伴侣 一个更好的妻子 一个更好的丈夫 |
| 835 | a better teacher. | 更好的老师 |
| 836 | So start with the self. | 所以从自我开始。 |
| 837 | I love that response. | 我喜欢这个反应 |
| 838 | And it actually does dovetail very well | 并且它实际上非常的尾巴 |
| 839 | with the questions that I see Bernice and Skylar | 我看见伯尼斯和斯凯拉的问题 |
| 840 | have already typed in the chat box. | 已经输入到聊天框中。 |
| 841 | So I will try to go on to a next question | 所以我想继续问下一个问题 |
| 842 | for, you know, given that you said, | 因为,你知道, 鉴于你说, |
| 843 | start with the self, what would be different | 从自我开始,什么是不同的 |
| 844 | from, you know, what would be different | 从,你知道,什么是不同的 |
| 845 | in developing or cultivating emotional intelligence | 培养或培养情感智力 |
| 846 | for different age groups? | 对于不同的年龄组? |
| 847 | You know, for, is it, for example, harder for adults | 你知道,因为,它是, 例如,对成年人来说更难 |
| 848 | because, you know, maybe fewer adults | 因为,你知道, 也许更少的成年人 |
| 849 | are in the growth mindset or, you know, | 处于成长的心态,或者,你知道, |
| 850 | what are the things that you've observed? | 你观察到了什么? |
| 851 | And what are the strategies you have for, | 你们有什么策略? |
| 852 | let's say children, adolescents, or parents in that context? | 比如说,儿童、青少年或父母? |
| 853 | Yeah, so, I mean, obviously if we've learned | 是啊,所以,我的意思是,显然 如果我们已经学到了 |
| 854 | a lot of bad habits across our lives, | 很多坏习惯 在我们的生活, |
| 855 | we have to now kind of identify | 我们现在必须确定 |
| 856 | those are unhelpful habits, right? | 这些是无益的习惯,对不对? |
| 857 | Learn the healthy habits | 学习健康的习惯 |
| 858 | and replace those unhealthy ones with healthy ones. | 用健康的代替那些不健康的 |
| 859 | So that's effortful. | 所以,这是努力的。 |
| 860 | So it's always gonna be easier to start early, right? | 所以,它总是会更容易 开始早期,对不对? |
| 861 | Taking that preschool child, that three-year-old, | 带走那个三岁小孩 |
| 862 | that four-year-old, that two-year-old, | 那个四岁的孩子 那个两岁的孩子 |
| 863 | helping them take some deep breaths, | 帮助他们深呼吸, |
| 864 | teaching them the language to describe their feelings, | 教他们如何用语言描述他们的感受, |
| 865 | making sure they understand that in our home | 让他们明白在我们家里 |
| 866 | we can talk about feelings, there's nothing to hide, | 我们可以谈谈感情 没有什么好隐瞒的 |
| 867 | we can do this, and I can be a role model for that. | 我们可以做到这一点,我可以成为这方面的榜样。 |
| 868 | But I wanna really emphasize again, | 但我想再强调一遍 |
| 869 | when I say role model, | 当我说榜样, |
| 870 | it's not just the adult reading the book, | 不只是成年人读这本书, |
| 871 | it's really the adult demonstrating the skill. | 这是真正的成年人 展示的技能。 |
| 872 | So let's imagine this. | 所以让我们想象一下。 |
| 873 | I had a very rough day at work. | 我工作很辛苦 工作很辛苦 工作很辛苦 |
| 874 | Like I had a fight with somebody at work, I'm in a bad mood. | 就像我和同事吵架一样,我心情不好 |
| 875 | Has this ever happened to somebody, right? | 这曾经发生在某人身上,对不对? |
| 876 | You just come home from work | 你刚下班回来 |
| 877 | and you're in a bad mood for whatever reason. | 而且你心情不好 无论什么原因 |
| 878 | And oftentimes as parents, what we do is we like, | 作为父母 我们经常喜欢 |
| 879 | go play, go do your thing, right? | 去玩,去做你的事情,对不对? |
| 880 | And then we do our thing and we separate ourselves | 然后我们做我们的事情 然后我们分开自己 |
| 881 | because we're in a bad place. | 因为我们的处境很糟 |
| 882 | And we tend to be a little more irritable | 而我们往往更刺激 |
| 883 | and a little bit less like, daddy loves you, | 有点像,爸爸爱你, |
| 884 | come give me a hug. | 来抱抱我 |
| 885 | It's more like stay away from daddy, | 这更像是远离爸爸 |
| 886 | daddy's in a bad mood. | 爸爸现在心情不好 |
| 887 | Well, what if when I came home from work, | 好吧,如果我下班回家时, |
| 888 | I looked at my child and I said, you know, honey, | 我看着我的孩子说,你知道,亲爱的, |
| 889 | daddy had a really rough day at work | 爸爸今天工作不好过 |
| 890 | and daddy got into a fight with somebody at work | 爸爸在工作时和别人打架 |
| 891 | and it didn't go very well. | 却表现不好 |
| 892 | And I said something that was a little mean | 我说了些坏话 |
| 893 | and I feel terrible about it. | 我感到非常难过。 |
| 894 | And I've been thinking, you know, | 我一直在想,你知道吗, |
| 895 | what can I say tomorrow to apologize | 我明天能说什么来道歉 |
| 896 | so that we can repair our relationship and move forward? | 那样我们就能修复我们的关系并向前迈进? |
| 897 | And so if I look a little kind of off tonight, son, | 如果我今晚看起来有点不对劲 孩子 |
| 898 | know that I'm just thinking about that | 知道我只是在考虑 |
| 899 | because I had that bad day at work. | 因为我今天工作不好 |
| 900 | Now, let's think about that for a minute. | 现在,让我们考虑一下。 |
| 901 | One, does that seem culturally off? | 第一,这似乎在文化上不合吗? |
| 902 | It might feel culturally off in China. | 在中国,它可能感到文化上的离谱。 |
| 903 | I'll tell you something right now, | 我现在告诉你一件事, |
| 904 | it's culturally off here in America too, right? | 在美国文化上也是如此,对吧? |
| 905 | Cause it's not something that adults tend to think of doing | 因为这不是成年人想做的事 |
| 906 | like being vulnerable, sharing, problem solving, | 就像脆弱,分享,解决问题, |
| 907 | talking through something with their child | 和孩子交谈 |
| 908 | because the mindset is like, it's not their problem. | 因为心态就像, 这不是他们的问题。 |
| 909 | But remember, what have I done in that situation? | 但记住,我在这情况下做了什么? |
| 910 | One, I've shared with my kid that I make mistakes. | 第一,我和我的孩子分享过 我犯了错误 |
| 911 | Two, I have strong feelings. | 第二,我有强烈的感情。 |
| 912 | Three, I reflect on my feelings. | 三,我反思我的感受。 |
| 913 | Four, I'm comfortable talking about it. | 四,我自在的谈论它。 |
| 914 | Five, I'm problem solving and I'm trying to figure out | 5,我在解决问题,我在想办法 |
| 915 | how to fix it and make it better. | 如何修行调和. |
| 916 | And so like, there's a lot of benefit | 所以说,有很多好处 |
| 917 | to talking through these things with your kids. | 和你的孩子谈谈这些事情 |
| 918 | But what you wanna do is A, | 但是,你想做的是A, , |
| 919 | do it in a developmentally healthy way. | 以发展健康的方式做到这一点。 |
| 920 | And B, let your child know that you are actually | B,让你的孩子知道你其实是 |
| 921 | the empathic, compassionate, non-judgmental person, | 慈悲、慈悲、无偏见的人, |
| 922 | the Uncle Marvin who's working through it. | 马文叔叔正在通过它。 |
| 923 | That's being a role model. | 那是个榜样 |
| 924 | And so I think a lot of things have to change | 所以我觉得很多事情必须改变 |
| 925 | in our society. | 在我们的社会中。 |
| 926 | And I don't mean just American society, I mean the world. | 我指的不仅仅是美国社会 我是说世界 |
| 927 | So that adults don't believe that it's inappropriate | 这样成人才不会认为这不合适 |
| 928 | to talk about their feelings in front of children | 在孩子面前谈论他们的感受 |
| 929 | and that adults can do that and demonstrate the skills. | 成年人可以做到这一点 并展示技能。 |
| 930 | Thank you, Mark. | 谢谢你,马克。 |
| 931 | Hi, Mark, thanks so much for contributing | 嗨,马克,谢谢你的贡献 |
| 932 | so much of your work and expertise | 这么多的工作和专长 |
| 933 | to people around the world. | 给全世界的人 |
| 934 | So my question was regarding how can we, | 所以我的问题就是我们怎么能 |
| 935 | or what are your plans? | 或者你有什么计划? |
| 936 | What is the center's plans to educate parents | 中心教育父母的计划是什么? |
| 937 | with RULER so that they can support their children at home? | * 与欧盟驻科法治团合作,以便他们在家中抚养子女? |
| 938 | I mean, it's great that it's in schools | 我的意思是,这是伟大的 它在学校 |
| 939 | and teachers being educated to use it | 并教育教师使用 |
| 940 | and kids are being taught to use it. | 孩子们被教导使用它。 |
| 941 | But as you were just saying, | 但正如你刚才所说, |
| 942 | it's important that parents are educated | 父母受教育很重要 |
| 943 | in order for them to be good role models. | 为了让他们成为好榜样 |
| 944 | So I'm curious to know what the plans are for that. | 所以我想知道有什么计划 |
| 945 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 946 | Yeah, well, I mean, that's part of the reason | 是啊,我的意思是,这是部分原因 |
| 947 | why I wrote my book, honestly, | 为什么我写我的书,说实话, |
| 948 | was that to make it more readily available | 为了更方便地提供 |
| 949 | so that it wasn't just for schools that adopted RULER, | 那样就不只是学校 采用了RULAR, |
| 950 | it was for anybody who wanted to learn more and go deeper. | 是给任何想多学多学的人的 |
| 951 | But importantly, in RULER, | 但重要的是,在欧盟驻科法治团, |
| 952 | there is a whole family engagement aspect of RULER. | 欧盟驻科法治团有一个完整的家庭参与方面。 |
| 953 | And so even at the preschool level, | 因此,即使在学前教育阶段, |
| 954 | children can teach their parents the mood meter. | 孩子们可以教他们的父母 情绪计。 |
| 955 | And so there's a mood meter that goes home | 因此,有一个心情表 回家 |
| 956 | so that parents could use the mood meter with their kids. | 这样父母就可以用 情绪计与孩子。 |
| 957 | All of the tools of RULER, | 欧盟驻科法治团的所有工具, |
| 958 | there are family aspects for it. | 还有家庭方面的问题 |
| 959 | And as children get older, | 随着孩子长大, |
| 960 | they start teaching their family words. | 他们开始教自己的家庭话 |
| 961 | They have conversations around the different feeling words | 他们有对话 围绕不同的感觉词 |
| 962 | and learn about their parents' experiences with those words. | 并学习他们父母的经历 用这些话。 |
| 963 | And so it all kind of works together. | 所以一切都是一起工作的。 |
| 964 | I see a hand up. | 我看到一只手举起来。 |
| 965 | Sure. | 当然 |
| 966 | Hello. | 哈罗 |
| 967 | Would you like to ask your question? | 你想问你的问题吗? |
| 968 | Now, I am a teacher, | 现在,我是一个老师, |
| 969 | but when my student's parent is annoyed at me, | 但当我学生的家长对我生气时, |
| 970 | at that time, I feel angry too. | 那时我也觉得很生气 |
| 971 | If I express my true feeling, | 如果我表达我真正的感觉 |
| 972 | I may lost my job during today. | 今天我可能失业了 |
| 973 | What if I didn't express, I feel bad? | 如果我没有表达,我感到很糟? |
| 974 | So what should I do if I feel angry, | 如果我生气了怎么办? |
| 975 | but two people angry, | 但有两个人生气, |
| 976 | then there will be a battle. | 然后,将有一个战斗。 |
| 977 | So I don't want to see the battle happens. | 所以我不想看到战斗发生 |
| 978 | The second question is, | 第二个问题是, |
| 979 | can I be the modeling teacher of my mother | 我可以做我母亲的模特老师吗? |
| 980 | because I wish my mom can be better? | 因为我希望我妈妈能好点? |
| 981 | Two questions, thank you. | 两个问题,谢谢。 |
| 982 | Good question, thank you. | 问得好,谢谢 |
| 983 | So the first one is, | 所以第一个是, |
| 984 | is I think we have to not make the assumption | 我认为我们不必假设 |
| 985 | that when we express our anger, | 当我们表达我们的愤怒时, |
| 986 | we are out of control, right? | 我们失控了,对吧? |
| 987 | So let me, I'll do an example of this. | 让我来举个例子 |
| 988 | Let's say I'm very frustrated with Bernice, right? | 假设我对伯妮丝很失望 对吧? |
| 989 | So Bernice, imagine I'm frustrated with you. | 所以伯尼斯,想象我对你很失望 |
| 990 | And I'm like, you know, Bernice, I can't take it anymore. | 伯妮丝 我受不了了 |
| 991 | This is ridiculous. | 这太荒谬了 |
| 992 | I've talked to you about this 15 times. | 我跟你说过15次了 |
| 993 | And like, I just, I am just sick of it. | 我受够了 |
| 994 | That's frustration, right? | 这就是挫折感,对不对? |
| 995 | Or I can say, Bernice, | 或者我可以说,伯尼斯, |
| 996 | I really want to talk with you about something. | 我真的想和你谈谈 |
| 997 | The last three times that we had a meeting, you were late. | 过去三次我们开会的时候 你迟到了 |
| 998 | And I'm not sure what's happening, | 我不知道发生了什么 |
| 999 | but I want to just check in with you because it's weird. | 但我想跟你打个招呼 因为这很奇怪 |
| 1000 | I'm not used to you being late | 我不习惯你迟到 |
| 1001 | and it's been frustrating for me. | 这让我很沮丧 |
| 1002 | And so I just want to check in. | 所以我只想报到 |
| 1003 | Is everything okay? | 一切都好吗? |
| 1004 | Anything that I'm doing that I need to know about? | 我所做的一切,我需要知道吗? |
| 1005 | Same frustration, right? | 同样的沮丧,对不对? |
| 1006 | But I expressed it one out of control | 但我说出了一个失控的问题 |
| 1007 | versus one through the lens of the compassionate, | 对一个透过慈悲的镜头, |
| 1008 | empathic, non-judgmental emotion scientist. | 同情心,非判断情感科学家. |
| 1009 | And so it's not necessarily the feeling. | 所以它不一定是感觉。 |
| 1010 | It's the skill of discussing the feeling | 这是讨论感觉的技巧 |
| 1011 | in an emotionally intelligent way | 以情感聪明的方式 |
| 1012 | so that I'm not activating Bernice and then it gets, | 这样我就不会激活Bernice 然后它就变得... |
| 1013 | and she's like, well, what do you mean? | 她喜欢,嗯,你是什么意思? |
| 1014 | And then I get this and then it just escalates. | 然后我得到这个,然后它只是升级。 |
| 1015 | So, and the same thing, by the way, can apply to parenting. | 因此,同样的事情,顺便说一句,可以适用于养育子女. |
| 1016 | You know, I once, my father and I had some difficulties | 你知道,我曾经, 我父亲和我有一些困难 |
| 1017 | and I'll give you an example. | 我举个例子 |
| 1018 | My father, who was divorced, well, my mother had died, | 我的父亲,谁离婚, 嗯,我妈妈死了, |
| 1019 | unfortunately, when I was young, and my father remarried. | 不幸的是,我年轻时,我父亲再婚了。 |
| 1020 | And he was 75 years old and having a lot of anger problems. | 他当时75岁,并有许多愤怒的问题. |
| 1021 | I wrote about this in my book, actually. | 我写在我的书上,其实。 |
| 1022 | And his wife called me and she said, | 他的妻子打电话给我,她说, |
| 1023 | I can't take it anymore. | 我受不了了,我受够了 |
| 1024 | He's angry all the time. | 常发大怒. |
| 1025 | And I'm like, oh no, you know, | 而我喜欢,哦,不,你知道, |
| 1026 | I gotta go visit my father and figure this out. | 我要去见我父亲,想个办法 |
| 1027 | And so my father, who was basically saying | 所以我的父亲,谁基本上是说 |
| 1028 | that he was angry, didn't feel right to me | 他生气,对我不好 |
| 1029 | because what he was angry about | 因为他的愤怒 |
| 1030 | was that his wife was paying a lot of attention | 他妻子很关心我 |
| 1031 | to her grandchildren. | 给她的孙子们 |
| 1032 | And I'm an emotion scientist. | 我是一个情感科学家。 |
| 1033 | And so I think that's jealousy, right? | 所以我觉得那是嫉妒 对吧? |
| 1034 | Because he really wanted to be with her | 因为他真的想和她在一起 |
| 1035 | and was feeling left out because she was spending | 感觉被抛弃了 因为她正在花 |
| 1036 | so much time with the other kids. | 和其他孩子在一起的时间太多了 |
| 1037 | And so when my father and I were sitting together | 所以当我父亲和我坐在一起的时候 |
| 1038 | having coffee and I was sharing with him | 喝咖啡,我和他分享 |
| 1039 | how upset his wife was and that I wanted to work with him, | 他妻子有多难过 我想和他合作 |
| 1040 | I can't take it anymore. | 我受不了了,我受够了 |
| 1041 | And I said, dad, let's think about this. | 我说 爸爸 让我们想想 |
| 1042 | Like really, you know, it sounds like you're jealous. | 就像真的,你知道, 它听起来像是你嫉妒。 |
| 1043 | And he got upset. | 然后他心烦意乱 |
| 1044 | He's like, you're telling me I'm jealous? | 他喜欢,你告诉我 我嫉妒? |
| 1045 | And I said, no, you're telling me you're jealous. | 我说,不,你告诉我你嫉妒我 |
| 1046 | I'm just giving you the language for it. | 我只是给你语言 |
| 1047 | Because that's the theme of your discomfort is what? | 因为这是你不舒服的主题是什么? |
| 1048 | You feel left out. | 你感觉被忽略了 |
| 1049 | You feel threatened that you're not getting the attention. | 你感到威胁,你没有得到注意。 |
| 1050 | And it was from there that my father then had, | 我父亲从那里得到的 |
| 1051 | we had a really good conversations | 我们有一个非常好的对话 |
| 1052 | about like what he might do because she has the right | 因为她有权利 |
| 1053 | to want to be time to spend time with her grandchildren. | 想要有时间陪她的孙子 |
| 1054 | So what can he do in that time? | 那他能怎么办? |
| 1055 | And so I think if you do this with, | 所以我想如果你这样做, |
| 1056 | if you always enter the teaching of anyone | 如果你总是进入任何人的教程 |
| 1057 | through like knowing your audience, | 就像认识你的观众一样 |
| 1058 | knowing who that person is, | 知道那个人是谁, |
| 1059 | but through the lens of the Uncle Marvin | 但透过马文叔叔的镜头 |
| 1060 | of empathy, compassion, and non-judgment, you can do it. | 同情心,同情心,以及非判断,你可以做到这一点。 |
| 1061 | It won't come across as threatening. | 它不会遇到威胁。 |
| 1062 | It won't, it'll come across as someone who just cares | 它不会,它会遇到 人谁只是关心 |
| 1063 | and, you know, wants to provide feedback | 你知道,想要提供反馈 |
| 1064 | or have a healthy conversation. | 或有一个健康的对话。 |
| 1065 | That was really helpful. | 这真的很有帮助。 |
| 1066 | And it kind of brought me back | 它让我复活 |
| 1067 | to earlier in the conversations. | 之前的对话。 |
| 1068 | You asked me, you know, what would I do if, you know, | 你问我,你知道, 我该怎么办,如果,你知道, |
| 1069 | I get distracted and needed to get back on track? | 我分心了 需要重新走上正轨吗? |
| 1070 | You know, your next book will be | 你知道,你的下一本书是 |
| 1071 | on regulating and on strategies. | 关于监管和战略。 |
| 1072 | And thank you so much for also sharing the incident | 感谢大家分享这个事件 |
| 1073 | with your mother-in-law, which is both, you know, I mean, | 和你的岳母, 这都是,你知道,我的意思是, |
| 1074 | which is both, you know, I mean, I mean, | 这些都是,你知道, 我的意思是,我的意思是, |
| 1075 | I'm just really appreciative of it because it's both humorous and illuminating to, you know, even you the expert emotional scientists can become an emotional judge. | 我非常感激它,因为它既幽默又启发人心, 即使是你, 专家的情感科学家也能成为情感判断者。 |
| 1076 | So, the next question is, how you know when you find yourself becoming an emotional judge or getting into an escalating situation. | 所以,下一个问题是,你是如何知道 当你发现自己成为一个情绪判断者 或者进入一个升级的局面。 |
| 1077 | How do you remind yourself to be the compassionate judging emphasizing emotional scientists, and your best self. | 你如何提醒自己 成为同情心的判断 强调情感科学家, 和你最好的自我。 |
| 1078 | How do you do that. | 如何是道. 师曰. |
| 1079 | And so, you know, there's a very famous quote by an author whose name is Victor Frankel who was a Holocaust survivor. | 所以,你知道,有一个非常有名的引用 作者的名字是维克多·弗兰克尔 他是一个大屠杀幸存者。 |
| 1080 | And the quote is as follows. | 而引文如下. |
| 1081 | Between stimulus and response. | 在刺激和反应之间 |
| 1082 | There is space in that space lies, our power to choose our response in our response lies our growth and freedom. | 在这个空间里有空间存在,我们在反应中选择对策的力量在于我们的成长和自由。 |
| 1083 | And so the question is, and this is the meta moment technique for ruler. | 所以问题是,这是尺子的元瞬间技术。 |
| 1084 | When we get activated. | 当我们被激活。 |
| 1085 | How do we go from automatic retaliation, anger response to automatic deep breath. | 如何从自动报复,愤怒反应到自动深呼吸. |
| 1086 | Uncle Marvin self. | 马文叔叔自己。 |
| 1087 | That's what we have to do we've got to remind ourselves of the uncle Marvin's that we want to be. | 这就是我们必须做的 我们必须提醒自己 马文叔叔,我们希望成为。 |
| 1088 | And so, for me, you know, because of my job as a director of the Center for emotional intelligence I oftentimes say Mark, how would the director respond, how would the director respond not how would Mark respond because Mark is angry. | 所以,对我来说,你知道,因为我的工作 作为中心的 情绪智能中心主任 我经常说,马克, 怎么样的导演会回应, 怎么样的导演会 如何回应, |
| 1089 | And Mark doesn't care. | 马克不在乎 |
| 1090 | But Mark, the professor of emotional intelligence is like a wizard, right, a magician. | 但是,马克,情感智能的教授就像一个巫师,正确的,魔术师. |
| 1091 | And so I try to activate that self, but it's practice practice practice. | 所以我尝试激活这个自我, 但它是练习练习。 |
| 1092 | It's saying, as soon as I'm activated. | 意思是,一旦我被激活,就马上行动 |
| 1093 | Sometimes I have to remove myself in a situation because I'm just too activated, because I the stimulus is just overwhelming me and I'm really upset about what I've seen or heard. | 有时我不得不在某种情况下去除自己, 因为我太活跃了, 因为我的刺激只是压倒了我, 我真的很不高兴 我所看到的或听到的。 |
| 1094 | I take that breath. | 我喘着气 |
| 1095 | And I'm like Mark, how can the hell with the Center for emotional intelligence director manage this. | 我和马克一样, 如何地狱 与中心的情感情报主任管理这一点。 |
| 1096 | And I pause and I think about that person. | 我停下来想那个人 |
| 1097 | And through that lens. | 透过那个镜头 |
| 1098 | I come up with much much much better solutions, because what happens is that when we're triggered, our brains focus on retaliating our brains focus on only the thing that we heard that was the injustice. | 我提出了很多更好的解决方案, 因为当我们被触发时, 我们的大脑专注于报复我们的大脑 专注于我们听到的是不公正的事情。 |
| 1099 | And if we respond through that lens. | 如果我们通过这个镜头回应。 |
| 1100 | 将作丑 ugly. | |
| 1101 | And so knowing that, and we can breathe and activate our best self and respond through that lens is practice practice practice practice and so you know, for seven months I did it with my mother-in-law. | 所以知道这一点, 我们可以呼吸和激活我们最好的自我, 通过这个镜头作出反应, 即练习练习,你知道, 7个月来,我和我岳母一起做。 |
| 1102 | And then one day it was like, you know, but one failure is not so bad. | 然后有一天它就像,你知道, 但一次失败不是那么糟糕。 |
| 1103 | Right. | 对 |
| 1104 | So, and then of course, when you fail, you have to go back to your best self and say how would my best self deal with this failure. | 所以,当然,当你失败的时候, 你必须回到你最好的自我, 并说,我最好的自我 会如何处理这个失败。 |
| 1105 | I think my best self would apologize and ask for forgiveness and try to move on because I care about this person. | 我想我最好的自我会道歉,请求宽恕,并尝试继续前进,因为我关心这个人. |
| 1106 | So I there's a question in the chat that I want to answer. | 所以我在聊天中有个问题我想回答. |
| 1107 | So it says I'm very interested in know what caused the emotions becoming more and more intense. | 所以我很想知道是什么原因 导致情绪越来越激烈 |
| 1108 | You know, I think all of you, especially because you're in Asia. | 你知道,我想你们所有人, 特别是因为你们在亚洲。 |
| 1109 | I don't think the coronavirus helped anybody with their feelings. | 我觉得冠状病毒对任何人都没有帮助 |
| 1110 | I think there's plenty of evidence to show that the isolation the quarantine, you know, the fear, the, you know, all of the things associated with the virus have really caused people to be much more on edge much more activated. | 我认为有很多证据表明 隔离,你知道, 恐惧,所有与病毒有关的东西 真正导致人们更加处于边缘状态 更加活跃。 |
| 1111 | I know I am, you know, the new way of working hybrid learning, hybrid working, you know, very complicated. | 我知道我,你知道,新的工作方式 混合学习,混合工作,你知道,非常复杂。 |
| 1112 | That in America, you know, I'm not as familiar with the political situation right in China, but here in America, we've had terrible politics for the last five or six years. | 在美国,你知道,我不太熟悉 中国的政治局势, 但在美国,我们有可怕的政治 在过去的五六年。 |
| 1113 | You know, we have a lot of division among, you know, presidential candidates. | 总统候选人之间有很多分歧 |
| 1114 | And so this is why, you know, my vision is not to create a world filled with emotionally intelligent children, but to create a world where emotional intelligence is infused into the DNA of the entire society. | 这就是为什么,你知道,我的愿景不是创造一个充满情感智慧的儿童的世界, 而是创造一个将情感智能注入整个社会的DNA的世界。 |
| 1115 | Because leaders of companies need to be emotionally intelligent to create policies that are helpful to people who are struggling. | 因为公司的领导者需要有情感上的智慧来制定有助于挣扎的人们的政策. |
| 1116 | School directors need to know this stuff so they can help teachers, teachers need to learn it so they can help kids parents need to learn it so they can help their children. | 学校的校长需要知道这些东西,这样他们才能帮助教师,教师需要学习这些东西,这样他们才能帮助孩子的父母学习这些东西,这样他们才能帮助孩子. |
| 1117 | We need to think about this work, not from the individual level, but from the system level. | 我们需要考虑这项工作,不是从个人层面,而是从系统层面。 |
| 1118 | Thank you, Mark, for for sharing this. | 谢谢你,马克,谢谢你的分享。 |
| 1119 | I'm, I'm sorry that, you know, you know, as expected. | 我,我很抱歉,你知道, 你知道,你知道,如预期。 |
| 1120 | You know, there are still a lot more questions but unfortunately our times up. | 你知道,还有更多的问题 但不幸的是,我们的时代到了。 |
| 1121 | So I think, you know, given that I brought up the cultural context that may be very different in Asia. | 所以我认为,你知道,鉴于我提出了亚洲文化背景 可能非常不同。 |
| 1122 | I'd be curious to know, as a last question. | 作为最后一个问题,我很想知道 |
| 1123 | What do you think are the challenges or opportunities of adapting ruler, or kind of these tools for developing emotional intelligence in Asia, kind of based on what you may have already observed, whether it's, you know, kind of being more quiet or less re | 你觉得调整统治者的挑战或机会 或亚洲发展情感智能的工具 是基于你已经观察到的 |
| 1124 | about one's feelings. | 关于一个人的感受。 |
| 1125 | Any sort of pointers that you can leave with the audience here. | 你可以和观众一起留下的指针 |
| 1126 | Yeah. | 对 |
| 1127 | I think, how many of you feel like in China. | 我想,有多少人喜欢在中国。 |
| 1128 | The concepts of people being more empathic, compassionate, and non judgmental makes sense that feel okay. | 人们更同情心、同情心和非判断性的概念是有意义的。 |
| 1129 | Yes, no. | 是的,没有。 |
| 1130 | What do we think. | 我们怎么看? |
| 1131 | I want that I'd be curious to hear people can raise hands or say yes or no. | 我想听到人们可以举起手来 或者说是或不是 |
| 1132 | I'm going to be think that leaders and teachers and parents and everybody would just be there'd be a slightly healthier society. | 我将会认为,领导者、教师、家长和每个人都会有一个 稍微健康的社会。 |
| 1133 | If more people, you know showed empathy, compassion, and we're non judgmental. | 如果有更多的人,你知道 表现出同情心,同情心, 我们没有判断力。 |
| 1134 | Yes or no. | 是或无. |
| 1135 | Sure, definitely. | 当然 |
| 1136 | I agree. | и種 |
| 1137 | So there you go. | 就这样 |
| 1138 | These are mostly universal principles. | 这些主要是普遍原则。 |
| 1139 | Like nobody be nobody, nobody from wherever I've been feel safe and comfortable around someone who is mean and cruel. | 没有人是任何人, 没有人来自任何地方 我感到安全舒适 身边的人谁凶恶和残忍。 |
| 1140 | Nobody wants to be around someone who's meaning cruel. | 没人想和残忍的人在一起 |
| 1141 | I think the way I like to look at this from a cultural perspective Carol is, I'm not coming in as I know the answers. | 我认为我喜欢从文化角度来看待这个,卡罗尔是,我不会像我知道的答案那样进来. |
| 1142 | I don't think that's the right way to do it. | 岂有此法. |
| 1143 | You know, Mr. Mark the Yale professor has all the answers to everybody's issues in China. | 耶鲁大学教授马克先生 对中国每个人的问题都有答案 |
| 1144 | I don't believe that's true. | 我不相信这是真的。 |
| 1145 | What I believe is that there's a science about emotion that tells us that how we feel affects almost everything. | 我相信的是,有一种关于情感的科学告诉我们,我们的感觉几乎影响到一切。 |
| 1146 | How we feel affects our relationships, our health, our performance, and that when we learn how to use our emotions wisely, we can have better relationships, better mental health, better performance. | 我们的感受如何影响我们的关系,我们的健康,我们的表现,当我们学会如何明智地运用我们的情绪时,我们可以有更好的关系,更好的心理健康,更好的表现. |
| 1147 | And so my job is to share with people all the research around how to use emotions wisely, and then let people choose for themselves what works best and what makes the most sense. | 所以我的工作就是与人们分享所有关于 如何明智地使用情绪的研究, 然后让人们自己选择什么最有效,什么最合理。 |
| 1148 | And so in that way it's culturally adaptive, because I'm not saying you have to take deep breaths, you have to do mindfulness, you have to do this. | 所以从这个角度来说,它具有文化上的适应性, 因为我不是说,你必须深呼吸, 你必须注意, 你必须这样做。 |
| 1149 | I don't think that's the right way to do it. | 岂有此法. |
| 1150 | I think the way to do it is to say here are all the different practices from around the world that people have found to be useful and helpful for dealing with their feelings. | 我认为,这样做的方法就是说,人们发现,与世界各地不同的做法对于处理他们的感情是有用和有益的。 |
| 1151 | I want to educate you on those, and based on your development and your background and your culture, pick the ones that make the most sense for you. | 我想教育你 了解这些, 根据你的发展和背景 以及你的文化, 选择那些最有道理的。 |
| 1152 | And then evaluate, are those strategies working to help you? | 然后评估一下 这些策略能帮助你吗? |
| 1153 | Do you feel, do you have well-being? | 你感觉,你有幸福吗? |
| 1154 | Do you feel good about your relationships? | 你对你们的关系感觉好吗? |
| 1155 | Are you happy with your performance? | 你对你的表演满意吗? |
| 1156 | And if so, you're on the right track. | 如果是这样,你是对的。 |
| 1157 | If not so, let's go back and look at more strategies and ideas and try to apply those to see if we can move you forward just a little bit more. | 如果不是的话,我们回头看看更多的策略和想法,并尝试运用这些策略和想法,看看我们是否能够将你们推向更远的一步. |
| 1158 | Well, thank you very much, Mark, and I'm sorry that we've gone over time, but you're giving everyone a great start or a highlight on our journey to become better emotional scientists. | 嗯,非常感谢你,马克,我很抱歉 我们已经过去了一段时间, 但你给了每个人 一个伟大的开端或一个亮点 在我们的旅程 成为更好的情感科学家。 |
| 1159 | It's our life's work, and we really appreciate your time and hope you will feel better and better. | 这是我们一生的工作,我们真的很欣赏你的时间,希望你能够感觉更好,更好. |
| 1160 | Awesome. | 厉害 |
| 1161 | Well, thank you, Carol. | 谢谢你 卡罗尔 |
| 1162 | Thank you everyone over there for your support, and I'm just unbelievably thankful for this opportunity, and I hope you enjoy the book, and I look forward to staying in touch over and over again, and soon we'll be hopefully able to visit, right? | 感谢大家的支持,我非常感激你给我这个机会,我希望你喜欢这本书,我期待着再三保持联系,很快我们有望访问,对吗? |
| 1163 | Yes, please. | 是的,谢谢。 |
| 1164 | And Mark, do you have a tradition with Zoom talks where we will try to ask everyone to open their cameras so we can take a group shot and people all unmute. | 马克,你和Zoom谈话有传统吗? 在那里,我们将试图要求每个人打开他们的摄像机, 这样我们就可以拍一个团体拍摄, 和所有人不哑。 |
| 1165 | So people, if they want to thank you or give you applause or anything like that, they can do so for a brief moment. | 所以,人们,如果他们想感谢你,或者给你掌声或者类似的东西, 他们可以做一个短暂的时刻。 |
| 1166 | And so I will count down from three, three, two, one. | 所以我从三,三,二,一开始算 |
| 1167 | Open your cameras and say Yale. | 打开摄像头说耶鲁 |
| 1168 | Thank you so much, Mark, and to everyone of you for participating and for asking your great questions and being such an engaging audience. | 非常感谢你们,马克 感谢你们每个人的参加 和问你们伟大的问题 和如此活跃的观众。 |
| 1169 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| 1170 | And my last thing is I'm just going to take my magic permission to feel dust and give it to everybody through the internet. | 最后一件事就是,我将接受我的魔法许可 感受尘埃,并通过互联网把尘埃传给所有人。 |
| 1171 | So I'm here to grant you the permission to be your true, true feeling selves. | 所以,我在这里允许你 成为你真正的,真正的感觉自己。 |
| 1172 | And thanks again for your time. | 并再次感谢你的时间。 |
| 1173 | Be well, and see you again soon. | 保重 很快再见到你 |
| 1174 | Thank you so much. | 非常感谢 |
| 1175 | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
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